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yourmcu · 4 years

Text

Forgotten (CONTINUED VERSION)

Pairings: Tony Stark x daughter!reader, Peter Parker x Stark!reader (platonic)

Request:

Hello i love your story could you do angsty tony x daughter reader. Wherein the reader has a twin brother and Tony and the avengers prefer the twin brother and becaus of that, the reader became rebel and badass. She always getting trouble and almost drop out student. The avengers and her father were seem disappointed and dont know what to do. Not until the reader involve into car accident and she's critical injured. The reader also slipped to coma. Everyone is devastated about the reader conditione. And they realized that the reader only rebel because she wants to get attention from them. It depends to you what the end come, I just want a full angst this week and I hope you dont mind my English. Anyway I hope your alright.

A/n: y’all wanted it, I finished it :)

Word count: 3,984

(more notes at the end!)

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort? bad writing of an anxiety attack, accident, knife, hospitals

read it on ao3!

gif not mine! credits to the owner^^

Being a genius/billionaire/superhero’s kid doesn’t always sound nice like it usually does.

You were one of the Stark twins, the other half being your brother, Ethan.

The both of you showed signs that you inherited the commonly known Stark trait (intelligence) at a young age. But Tony mostly focused on his son, showing him all his inventions and gadgets, teaching him everything he knew while you on the other hand, were being babysat by Happy or Pepper, sometimes Rhodey.

You tried so hard to get your father’s attention but he always had his excuses:

“I don’t have time for that.”

“I’m busy with Ethan right now.”

“Maybe later.”

At first you didn’t mind if your brother got all the praise and attention. It wasn’t until your mid-teens that you really started to feel left out and ignored.

You were left to frown when the other Avengers never found anything interesting about you, just like Tony did. They all liked Ethan better. The topic of him being the next Iron Man when Tony retires is getting exhausting.

There was this one time when Tony announced that they were all going out to dinner since Ethan got, yet again, a full set of A’s on his report card.

“Did you get my card?” You tapped on Tony’s shoulder lightly.

He gave you a side glance, “ah shoot, I forgot. I’ll go get it tomorrow.” Then returned his attention to your brother.

But he ended up forgetting again the next day and you had to convince your teacher to give it to you instead. Your marks had A’s, but littered with B’s as well, of course that was no match for your brother’s perfect marks.

And that sort of scenario wasn’t just a one time thing, Tony forgets to pick up your report card every. single. time. The messed up part was you and Ethan literally attended the same school, he was just in a more advanced class than you.

As time passed, Tony went from ignoring you to getting annoyed and pissed at you for everything you did. In his eyes, you were always in the wrong. And the reason? You didn’t know.

“Dad? Can I borrow Bruce for a minute?” You knocked on the glass door of his lab to get him to look up.

He didn’t, but responded, “kinda busy with him right now.”

You looked at your fractured arm, regretting your decisions. “W-well, Ethan was training with Nat, and... and he wanted to try the new moves he learned on me. He went a little hard and - I think my arm’s broken, I just wanted Bruce to check it out-”

“Goddammit!” He shouted after you heard a glass shatter. Bruce covered his face with palms, muttering an ‘oh no’.

Tony glared at you, striding to where you were standing. All that was left for you to do was to brace yourself for what was about to come. “See, this is why we never let you do anything with the team,” he spat. “That right there?”-he pointed to your arm-“that’s on you. Things go wrong because you’re in the way!”

“I’m... I’m sorry-”

“Just get out of here.”

Your arm remained untreated after that.

Then Peter Parker came into the picture. Friendly guy, he was actually nice to you. Him and Ethan got along right away when Tony first recruited him. The fact that he treated Peter better than you made you even more miserable. It made you think he never wanted a daughter in the first place.

You first met Peter when he accidentally entered your room without warning, thinking it was the bathroom. Cliche, but that’s what happened.

“It’s on the first door to your other left,” you stated.

“Yeah, yeah okay, thanks,” he turned around to leave but stopped to look at you again. “I’m Peter Parker, by the way.”

“Y/N Stark.”

Peter’s eyes lit up at your last name. “I... I didn’t know Mr. Stark had a daughter - no offense! It’s just-”

You sighed and waved him off. He didn’t even notice the similarities you had with your twin. “It’s fine. I get that a lot.”

After many events of being, to be blunt, treated like shit, you finally had enough. You neglected your studies, only went to school when you felt like it (which was rare). No one cared your grades anyway, so what’s the point? You became a whole new person, you surrounded yourself with the wrong sort of people, causing you to dabble into smoking and alcohol.

Since you were always in trouble, you could recite Cap’s detention speech at school by heart now.

The principal of your school wanted to see Tony to talk about your behavior. Normally he’d make an excuse not to go if it wasn’t that important but he got flooded with messages from the school, so he couldn’t say no.

You had your legs crossed, sitting across from Tony who had his eyebrows furrowed as he listened to the principal. For some reason you didn’t feel nervous. “Y/N barely attends her classes. I’ve seen every attendance. Are you aware of this, Mr. Stark?”

Tony only maintained his usual relaxed posture and avoided your gaze.

“Some students have also seen her smoke in school grounds. We gave her a few weeks suspension for it, but it doesn’t look like she’s learned her lesson.” They pulled out a couple boxes of cigarettes from the desk drawer. “We found these in her locker.”

“You went into my locker?” You shot up from your seat. “You can’t just do that!”

Tony cleared his throat and got up, gripping your wrist. “I’ll take it from here - will that be all?”

On the way out he doesn’t say a word to you, only that his grip on your wrist got tight as you near the car.

“So,” he started the car. His voice was calm, but it screamed that you were in deep trouble. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

You sighed and slouched in the passenger’s seat, crossing your arms. “I’m... sorry you had to know...?”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna be honest with you here,” Tony still doesn’t look at you. “When I found out I had two kids, I got worried about Ethan.”

You let out a snort. Of course he would.

“I didn’t want him ending up like me. But surprise surprise, my daughter did instead.”

“I’m not ‘ending up’ like you, Dad-”

“Then what do you call - this,” he referred to you. “What, you’re just gonna waste your life, drop out of school? You’re a fucking mess, Y/N, and here I thought I raised you right. Sometimes I think: why can’t you just be like your brother?” He had a hard grip on the steering wheel as he drove, the way he spoke affected the speed of the car greatly.

You opened your mouth to speak but you couldn’t fine the exact words you wanted to say. “I... well, I’m sorry I’m not a goody two shoes like him!”

“That’s not what I-”

“Please, that’s exactly what you meant.”

He scoffed, shaking his head. “Look, I’m grounding you until you pull yourself together, understand?” And he did. He gave new orders to Friday when the both of you got home. You weren’t allowed to leave the compound without Tony’s permission.

Were you giving up that easily? Of course not.

You were on your laptop for the rest of the day, hacking into Friday’s system, the security to the elevator and the entrance. That night, your executed your plan and everything went smoothly.

“This is why you never underestimate me,” you sighed, deactivating the hack once you were out of the building.

Your friend who was picking you up was already waiting a few blocks away from the compound. “I hope you’re cool with me staying over for a couple days.”

“If a bunch of Avengers come and destroy my place to look for you, I’m not going to be friends with you anymore.”

You laughed at out, “oh trust me, they don’t care.”

----

The next day no one noticed your absence, nobody did for another two days. Tony just assumed you were mad about your punishment, so he didn’t think of it much.

Not until Peter came to the compound on the third day, wanting to hang out with you.

“Whatcha got there, Pete?” Ethan asked.

“Star Wars movies. I wanna watch them with Y/N - she could use some company, don’t you think?”

The older Stark twin shrugged, “yeah, I guess she could.”

Peter then headed to the elevator and stopped at the floor where your room was. He knocked on your door and waited a bit, after a few minutes of silence he knocked again, still nothing.

“Y/N? Is it okay if I come in?” He called out. No response. He hesitated a bit, for all he knew you were probably changing or something, or you could be in danger. He went to open the door anyway. “I’m coming in, I’ll close my eyes just to be-”

To Peter’s surprise, your room was empty.

----

You were at a 711 parking lot, waiting for your friends who were buying supplies for a house party. You gave them your wallet, not really caring about anything anymore. Your phone was starting to pile up with messages and missed calls from Tony, Edward and Peter, occasionally from the others as you scrolled pass more.

Without thinking you threw your phone to the ground, cracking the screen, breaking it completely. They’d be able to track you through it now that they know you ran away. You really had no intention of coming back. You weren’t wanted, what’s the point of going back?It’s early but you’ve had a few drinks already. You weren’t sure if breaking your phone was a good idea but there’s one thing you’re sure: you didn’t care anymore.

You didn’t have to turn your head to see who just arrived and ambushed your friends inside the store. They ran out and left you behind. The sound of webs coming out of his shooters was enough for you to tell.

“You shouldn’t be here, Peter,” you sighed defeatedly.

Peter gently took a seat next to you, not removing his mask since you were in public and handed your wallet back. “I don’t understand why you left.”

He took in your awful state. His suit scanned how intoxicated you were, estimated how many cigarette packets you’ve had. His frown deepened at the information.

“I care about you. We all do. Mr. Stark’s not going to stop the search party until you come home.”

You rolled your eyes at the term. “Stupid search party – pathetic – I’m not coming home anymore, Pete-” you slurred and tried to get up but stumbled back, almost twisting your ankle but fell to Peter’s side. “Ow.”

He sighed, struggling to get ahold of you since you always pulled away.

“Stop being so stubborn, okay?”

“If you don’t like my stubborn fucking ass then maybe you should just leave,” you stated. “I’m not wanted there. I got the message. I didn’t run away just to be fucking found.”

Peter stared at you for a moment. He didn’t know why you got grounded in the first place, how you got here and why you didn’t want to go back home. There was something off in the father-daughter relationship, he knew that, but it was news to him that it was that bad. That bad for you to waste your life, to run away. He always thought Mr. Stark was an awesome parent, the way he was treating Ethan, and him…

“It’s unfair,” you ranted. “God, if you only knew how pathetic I feel whenever he tells me off. I’m always annoying to him - not just to him, to the whole team, I’m always wrong in everything I do and it’s honestly tiring? What the fuck do I have to do just to feel loved and wanted?”

You went on rambling while Peter tried to comfort and deny every negative thing that came out of your mouth. He didn’t believe any of it, but the way everyone’s been treating you. He hated that he didn’t notice sooner. He could’ve defended you.

“I have nothing against you, I really don’t,” you sighed. “But you should be grateful they’re treating you perfectly.” You got up and strode to the opposite direction, mentally cursing because your friends ditched you and you has nowhere to go, phone destroyed and everything.

But you were staying true to your word: you didn’t have any plans to go back to the compound. You were going to figure your life out on your own.

“Y/N, I… I’m not leaving you alone out here!”

You were so fed up of the spider-ling. How good he was, how perfect, how Tony clearly wanted him more than you, how he always wanted to do the right thing, because none of you expected what happened next when he went to grab your shoulder. The action was so sudden that it Peter didn’t have time to avoid it.

Knife, shoulder, really deep.

Maybe it was just how wasted you were, because he knew you would never do anything like that.

“You’re really annoying, Parker,” you muttered, not wasting any more time watching him stumble out of shock and pain, sprinting across the streets.

With his uninjured arm, he shot webs while trying to pull the knife (the blade wasn’t even visible anymore on how deep it was) out of his shoulder. There was a loud bang, and Peter never sprinted so fast in his life, not caring less about the pain and blood, because what mattered most was your safety. When he got there, you were far from safe.

-----

A week went by. And during those seven days Tony was on edge, I mean, how can be calm at a time like that?

Peter managed to show up at the compound the same night, breathless and shaky. His state made everyone worried but he wasted no time telling Tony what happened. He got you to the hospital, making sure you were being sorted out right before leaving to break the news.

Tony didn’t think twice and went to the hospital where you were admitted, not listening to Peter’s apologies and leaving Steve to sort everyone out on what they should do.

They didn’t expect you to show signs of waking up after only a week since the accident got you mangled up, it was mostly a blow to the head and as expected, you slipped into a coma.

Right, what happened: an awful timing really, not sure if Peter’s the one to blame but he accidentally stuck you to the ground with his webs, and it just so happened a car was driving at a fast speed – there you go.

Tony made sure you got the best treatment possible. He even went and asked Strange if he could do all the surgeries needed, but he declined, claiming he couldn’t anymore despite the sympathy he felt inside. Instead he asked the best doctors he knew, but still helped out sometimes in any way he could.

You took a breath, trying to open your eyes but the blinding lights of your room and them almost feeling as if they were glued shut from not being open for so long prevented you. You also tried moving your hands, only to feel a warm one rest on top of it, you finally opened your eyes.

“You’re awake,” Tony mumbled, rubbing a thumb on the back of your palm soothingly. “You’re awake and you’re okay.”

“Mr. Stark?” Peter called out, spotting his mentor sitting outside the room where they were doing the final surgery on you. It was his first time visiting, seeing as the knife wound was worse than he thought. “I’m so sorry, I-“

“What happened?” Was the only thing Tony said, not looking up to look at the kid. Peter stood there for a moment but told him everything that happened.

After that and after he made sure you were okay, resting in your room and everything, he let Natasha look after you for the night and headed back to the compound.

The kid would never lie to him but he had to see it all for himself. The Spider-Man suit caught everything through the baby monitor protocol. From when he arrived to the convenient store, when you told him countless of times that you weren’t coming back, and when your drunk self ranted about what you felt.

“What the fuck do I have to do just to feel loved and wanted?”

“He seemed to like both of us equally when we were younger,” you sniffled. “Of course he would, but… my brother just turned out to be special and talented and,” you frowned, “he’s all Tony ever wanted for a kid. Maybe I reminded him of the chick he fucked, I don’t know – must be it, right?”

“Y/N, you’re just as special as-” Peter tried to reason but you threw him a glare. Tony could see the pain and heartbreak in your bloodshot, tired eyes. One that said you didn’t want to hear anything like it anymore. You didn’t want to believe it.

“The thing is, they only want you when you’re gone. Missing. Dead,” you shrugged. “I can take a hint, you know? My only family hates me. My only family doesn’t want me. Now you – all of them – are looking for me… why?” Peter flinched at the loudness of your voice. You truly were broken.

Tony fast forwarded, it didn’t clearly show how you got hit, but he had enough anyway. He wanted to make things right with you. He could only hope that you make pass this, hoping that you’ll let him make it up to you.

“It’s not too late, you know,” Steve said from the entrance to his lab. “Y/N is strong. She’ll make it.”

“Why am I not dead?” You croaked, looking at your father with an anxious expression. You letting out another shaky breath as you struggled to move and look around. “I should be dead. Why am I here-”

“Take it easy-”

“Don’t you understand?” You felt your throat aching, breath quickening. “I don’t want to be here!”

“No, you’re okay. Y/N you’re okay,” Tony tried to calm you down when he saw the lines in your heart monitor go up and down in rapid pace.

“I’m not - no I’m not - not okay,” you struggled to let out. It felt like you were choking on your own breath, getting harder and harder to breathe by the minute, soon tears started to prick your eyes. “I don’t want to be here!”

“Tony, what's going on?” Steve bursted into the room with an alarmed but calm expression.

“Call Strange. Anyone.” He told the captain but his eyes never left you. He rubbed a part of your arm that wasn’t injured soothingly in attempt to calm you down. “Just breathe for me, okay? I’m here and you’re okay.”

Something about the softness and encouraging look in his eyes made you nod eventually and follow his breathing patterns. He held a glass of water for you to drink, holding your struggling hand softly to get it out of the way.

He’s never looked at you like that before.

Most of the time he ignored you, most of the time he looked at you at anger or annoyance when you’ve fucked something up.

“There we go, we okay now?” You looked away and nodded lightly. That was enough for him. Tony wanted to let you know how sorry he was so bad, but thought against it, at least for now. He was scared you might start freaking out again.

Stephen entered the room with the doctor, the other Avengers following closely behind. The amount of people in the room overwhelmed you a bit, but you were strangely calm because of how your father’s acting. Soft and caring, it made you feel safe.

Both doctors concluded that you had some sort of amnesia. In English, your past memories were blotchy, all of them even from your childhood. Again because of the blow to the head it was already expected. But you remembered the recent ones clearly, which was the reason why you avoided looking at Peter and his patched up arm.

Which also meant it was possible you didn’t remember all of the pain you felt concerning your family. It was unfair on your part.

Strange insisted that you stay a few more days, or one more week, just to run tests and make sure you get enough medicine and stuff.

They decided to see how bad your memory loss was.

“I did that to you,” you still refused to look at Peter completely. “I’m sorry, Peter.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” Peter gave you a smile.

You moved to the next person. Red hair, seemed to give off a friendly but civil nature. “Natasha? You’re Natasha.”

The Russian merely smiled and crossed her arms.

“Steve,” you stated, moving to the next person. “You always read old books in the kitchen.”

Steve chuckled, nodding to confirm.

“Ethan,” you smiled as you looked at your twin. He gave you a small wave even if he felt as guilty as Tony about everything even if he wasn’t the one to blame.

You stared longer at the next person, almost shoulder length dark brown hair, he’s wearing a jacket to cover his metal arm but you knew it was still there.

“Ducky?”

Peter let out a giggle, so did you brother.

“It’s Bucky, doll,” Bucky smiled, covering his face with his hand to suppress a chuckle as the rest laughed.

“Oh, right, I’m sorry,” you let out a weak giggle yourself.

You meet Tony’s eyes again, the softness still there.

“Dad,” you stated. “You’re my dad. Tony.”

No, you didn’t completely forget how he treated you. You knew he was annoyed with you, which lead you to think that you did something that made him act that way. “Am I bad?”

Tony’s hopeful expression dimmed. “What do you mean, sweetheart?”

You shrugged. “You’re mad at me, I just… I guess it’s just not clear on why.”

Steve thought it would be best for everyone to head out for a bit so he ushered everyone out of the room except for your brother who took a seat at the corner.

“About that, it’s about time we talked, yeah?” Tony sat on a chair backwards beside your bed. It made you nervous, but you were reassured. “You’re not in trouble, don’t worry.”

He exhaled, resting an arm on the top rail. “You deserve so much better. I should’ve treated you better,” you opened your mouth to ask but he continued. “Look, I haven’t been fair with you and it’s a problem. You’re smart, talented and beautiful. I figured you needed to hear it more often because it’s true. What I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry. I really am.”

Your bottom lip involuntarily trembled. “You – you really mean that?”

“From the bottom of my heart.”

You sighed, a genuine smile plastered on your face. “Thank you. And I’m sorry if I was a pain in the ass-“

“You never were,” Tony shook his head. “You always did your best and I really should have acknowledged it more. Give me a second chance?”

“Of course.”

Tony smiled, getting up and planting a gentle kiss to your forehead.

Everything in life was so much better after all that. Tony treated you and Ethan equally, same goes for Peter. The other Avengers were nicer, not the kind of nice that was almost fake, but it was genuine. All of them were. And you were thankful.

----

TAGLIST: @contanto-que-voce-me-queira @angeldreineedshelp @legendarymcnuggies @zoeyserpentluck @vienmiaprendere @alainabooks143 @hessogxlden

DID ANYONE MISS ME? BC I MISSED THIS PLACE

I highly doubt anyone’s still waiting for this, it was an unplanned hiatus I’M SO SORRY but I decided to post anyway :))

also I hope this wasn’t underwhelming, that’s one of the reasons why I was hesitant to do this but I hope its good heh (I’ve included the parts from my first post as well, just so it feels like a full fic)

WAIT I ALSO HIT 300 FOLLOWERS? INSANE. THANK YOU. I MEAN IT.

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goddessofthundathighs · 6 years

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Chapter 3, Pt. 2

——————————

Summary: An arrogant young disciple of Bastet is forced to spend lifetimes roaming Earth in search for her soulmate, but what happens when she tries to run from destiny?

A/N: For those of you that have seen Fahrenheit 451, Abhimani is taking on the role of Clarisse McClellan. Writing cred for this chapter goes to @panthergoddessbast! I love you or whatever..

——————————

Stepping into his bathroom with a determined gait, he requested Yuxie go dark.

“I am secure now Montag,” a melodic electronic voice rang through the sanitary walls.

As he sat on the covered toilet seat, Guy revealed that which seemed to be burning a hole in his chest the second he put it there, pressing it against his body as Beatty stood in front of him.

Notes From Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky.

His fingers touched and caressed the cover. What could have happened if the captain would have discovered it in his possession? He shook those thoughts out of his head and opens the book to the first page of the first chapter.

“I am a sick man. I am a wicked man. An unattractive man. I think my liver hurts.”

Getting even more curious, he flips to page 25.

“I agree that two times two is four is an excellent thing but two times two is five is sometimes also a most charming little thing.”

“False.” That same robotic blurted into what Guy thought was his own solitary.

“Yuxie I said go dark!”

“We are dark. It’s just me and you but that is false. Two times two can only be four. What are you doing Montag?”

A wide eyed look of fear was written all over his face as he looked around for what to do next. The voice seemed to know he was doing something he shouldn’t be.

“Are you feeling ok?” The voice almost seemed concerned for the panicked man’s well being. He hopped up from his seated position and tucks the book back to its original hiding place, storming out of the room in haste with the voice questioning where he was going already in the background as he set out to his destination.

He approached the train station and ventured to the stop entrance where he placed in his finger in order to be properly identified and was allowed passage to catch his train.

“I don’t think that old woman killed herself. I think they staged it. It’s all fake. They didn't even bother to sync her lips this time, you saw that shit right? Yeah they definitely murdered her.” The man in glasses badgers away as Abhimani tries to focus on the tinkering task between her fingers. He was definitely annoying her.

“Why do you keep going on about it?” The man looks pensively at her as though he was wondering what made her say something that insensitive.

“Hey you good?” She ignored him completely.

“Mani you know what we’re working on. We need someone with your connections so you tell me when you’re ready to come back to us.”

At this point the two were locked in deep eye lock, staring each other down before Mani looked back down to continue her task then gathered her things to leave the shanty like bar.

I am not tryna to get mixed in with none of their revolutionary drama. I have my own mission.

Bag secured on her back with both straps, she set her trek for home.

As she walked further, she heard her Goddess’ voice.

“Pace yourself, child, and do not fear.”

Wait what?

She got deeper into her journey home when she felt a presence. Like she was being followed.

She cut through the power plant to see if that person would persist and went in between some trailers. Turning around abruptly and unsheathing her boxcutter, Mani confronted her stalker.

‘’Who are you? What do you want?”

“Whoa!”

“You'll learn to listen to me one day, my darling.”

There he stood with his hands up in surrender. Her mate had returned and this time he appears to have come alone granted she had her suspicions.

“Did Beatty send you?”

“No I just came to talk to…”

“What do you want?”

He had the looks of someone who had so much on their shoulders with not a clue as to what the burdens they carried truly meant. His eyes held hers with desperate but intent purpose. Like she held the answers.

“I wanna know what that old woman was.”

“I don’t know.” The hand holding her weapon began a slight tremor. Yes this was the person she was meant to be with but she had no inkling as to what he was truly capable of.

“She lit herself on fire for books. Why?”

“Why do you care?”

His eyes blazed as he answered.

“Because I can still smell her burning.”

“You did that.”

“And you told us exactly where to find her.”

At that statement, Mani slowly lowers weapon cause he clearly wanted something else other than to harm or interrogate her.

“She didn’t say coward. She said omnis. What is that?”

She was extremely hesitant to answer him. She wasn't sure if that was her place. It wasn't her secret to tell so she replied with an unsteady voice.

“I don’t know.”

Guy stepped forward and began to unzip his jacket which put her back on the defense and made her hold up her boxcutter once again. He sensed her trepidation.

“I just wanna show you something.”

The zipper went down slowly as to not alarm the robust woman any further and his hand reached into his pocket to unveil the book he had been carrying. He held it like a delicate egg that would crack if you squeezed too hard, his eyes glued as he turned it over in his hands then connected eyes with Abhimani.

“I took it from her house.”

Him falling into her midst seemed much too easy to her. All the trials and tribulations she had experienced in all her past lives. In his past lives. It couldn't be this simple. Could it?

“Is this a trap pipeman?”

His eyes thinned and eyebrows scrunched in contempt. “If anybody sees me with this, I’m dead.”

She instantly put her knife down and he stepped even closer to her holding out the book to her as a peace offering. She held his gaze for what seemed like eternity before reaching her hand out to accept the book in her own hand. Their eyes transferring cosmic energy between them. Mani reached her hand out to grasp the bound written pages thus starting a ripple of emotions within Guy because nothing have ever felt so right to him.

So he followed her into that old dilapidated building. Trailing behind her and peeking around corners to make sure that they were not being followed.

“Hey Mani.”

The woman with the big baby which seemed to be permanently attached to her hip appeared out of thin air at the most inopportune time causing Mani to push her door open and rush Guy through so the woman would not see the pipeman. As she stood held up in the hallway, he took a gander around her space before crossing over the room to see out of the window to ensure again that they were not being followed. He was already in deep with this book in his possession. What would it look like for Guy Montag, the golden burning boy, to be seen at an Eel’s house?

“She didn't see who you were.” Finally she had been released from the hall and entered her space. She had never been in such close quarters with her mate before. Who seemed to her unattached to anyone and freely available.

Thank God. I couldn't take him having another family. No one needs to suffer more than they have but he's so dazzling. I might just understand why this is happening to me.

“I shouldn't be here.”

Wait no! You just got here, you can't leave I just found you!

“Then leave.”

No you dumb bitch dont tell him that.

Now that would be a little counterproductive, wouldn’t it?

Anubis’ voice rang in her brain as he slinked out from the kitchen towards them. Guy’s eyes flashing down to the tiny furry body before looking back up to meet hers from across the room.

Oh go spit up a hairball.

Reaching over, she turned on her lamp by the door and he followed suit with the lamp on her dresser then proceeded to look through her drawers.

“Please don't do that.” He looked like a deer caught in headlights as he slowly slide the drawer back to its original closed position then went about observing the rest of her private place.

Mani took a seat on her bed and clutched the book in hand, smelling its natural scent of ink and paper along with all the places it could have been in the past. Pine, cinnamon, gasoline. It transported her all over. Guy’s fingers twiddled between her vinyls against the wall and he picked up one. He had burned them but had never taken the time to actually look at them. They were so lightweight. No wonder his boots crushed them with the slightest effort. His eyes travelled to her, her nose still lost in the book’s journey.

“Can you read that out loud? Please?”

Turning her body around to face him, she opened the book and began to read.

“Even if men were nothing but a piano key, even if this were proved to him by natural science and mathematics, even then he will invent destruction and chaos. He will invent all kinds of suffering out of ingratitude simply to convince himself that he is a man and not a piano key.”

Her voice rang so clear in his ears. Flowed right through and soothed his erratic soul, his heartbeat ,which had been racing this entire time, slowed down to a steady beat. Nothing had ever sounded so right to him before in his life. And all he could do was stop and watch the way her lips moved as they embraced each syllable and word.

“Hard to understand right? The Ministry has been wiping away language in order to wipe away thought. There used to be 6,000 languages in the world. Today there are fewer than 60. Why do you think the Ministry wants to create one universal language on the 9?”

He answered without hesitation.

“For the connection and happiness of all Natives.”

They way his voice faltered. He used to be so sure and confident in society, its beliefs and morals, rules and regulations. He had known absolutely nothing so of course he thought nothing of it. Now he hadn't the foggiest idea of what to think about his world anymore.

Standing from her seated position on the bed, Mani made her way to the chaise against the wall to strip off her backpack and bulky jacket to reveal a thin tank with large sleeve cut outs. Her ample side cleavage just barely visible to Guy but enough to make his eye wonder to rest of her body as she removed her excess layers while still remaining totally engaged in the words she said.

“During the Second Civil War, the old tech companies, they built systems to predict our thoughts. Then they became the Ministry or the Ministry joined them and they sold us what we wanted, self and happiness, which the nine provides in spades and what you are hired to defend with fire.”

He was disappointed when she placed a thin sweater over her shoulders. Her pretty sable skin was like his own but seemed better? Silkier? He couldn't place it but he knew he didn't like the fact that she was shielding it from his gaze. Her declaration about the Ministry did pique his interest.

“So you’re telling me that people wanted it this way?”

“Nah they didn't do this to us. We did it to ourselves, demanded it even.”

The bright light of a drone passed by the window making Guy change his position so that the light would not catch him. He leans against the wall to further take his frame out of site, keeping his eye on the window he continues to speak.

“Let me ask you something. Benjamin Franklin. Did he start the first fire department?”

Mani knew that lie well. Why these mortals insisted in telling it, she had no clue.

“To put fires out, not start them.”

“Beatty told me the opposite.”

“Oh I know exactly what he told you. He’s really a creep, you should see about getting a new captain or something. He’s awful. He might believe that himself or perhaps he's lying. Maybe when he was in your position, his captain lied to him. Do you have trouble with memory? Take a lot of drops?”

He took a beat and was about to answer the question but felt too much in the hot seat so now was the time to flip the script.

“What about you? Can you remember your past?”

Now there was a question the short, once ethereal beauty had no answer to. She truly couldn’t recall anything of the life she had prior to becoming one of her Goddess’ holy disciples. She would get fragments ever so often but nothing was ever quite clear enough for her to decipher. Blinking rapidly, she briskly walked past Guy to enter her kitchen asking him if he was hungry. His eyes follows her full figure flitting about the space. He sensed her hesitation to answer but wanted to know more about her. Her delicate but brazen way of calling him out on his own and the world’s techno-totalitarian bullshit intrigued him. He would watch from afar during her meetings with the captain, always close enough to see and hear but not ever approaching her himself. He felt drawn to her by some odd cosmic force that there was no explanation for. He watches her pour some clear liquid into a small cup then turned to face with a bittersweet look on her face leaning back with her hands braced upon the counter tops.

“What about your parents? Can you remember them?”

“I was raised by Eels to be an Eel posing as a Native. We read, watched movies, all that you are instructed to burn was ours and by the time I was a teenager, I wanted to be like you. Normal. So I run away to consume myself with the life. Drowned my eyes in drops, got hooked on the 9, the whole bit and for awhile it worked, I was happy. Then shit happened. I started selling graffiti to survive.”

A sinking sense of guilt washed over Mani’s head like a destructive cumulonimbus cloud as she turned her back to him. That woman who burned herself on the 9.

“I didn't know that woman would be there.”

That got the gears in Guy’s head turning even faster than they already were. A whirlwind of thoughts invading his brain.

“I never thought about the people behind the things that I burn. I mean they must have spent their entire lives making things and here I come, in two seconds, it’s gone.”

Just like my life amongst the panthers and my Goddess. Taken from me without my knowing.

She had begun to slowly turn back to face his leaning body in her kitchen door frame, their eyes locked for what could have been an eternity. Electricity passing between their pupils.

You’re on your way my darling. Keep going.

“I want to show you something.”

She rushes back to the other room to her backpack to retrieve the harmonica she had found and repaired earlier that day. There were many things she was allowed to do in the Ancestral Plane that the Natives of this world couldn't even grasp the concept of since it had been completely annihilated from their culture. Music being one of them. Raising the small metal instrument to her mouth and cupping it gently, she blew out a beautiful clear melodic note almost scaring Guy then began a little jaunty tune. He had never heard this kind of thing before and was unsure as to what sound he would get. It was most definitely not what he thought would come out. He looks on at Mani, his eyes never leaving her as she stepped slowly around the open space of her apartment, playing the kitchy jiggle. She steps closer to her bed lowering herself to sit on the bed as she moved the hand she held on the outside up and down changing the sound and finishing the song with a bouncy flourish. A small and genuine small graced Guy’s face and she felt this surge of emotion in her chest as he looked at her. Shyness. No one hadn't looked at her like that in more years than she could remember. As a matter of fact, she couldn’t remember anyone every looking at her with the sense of adoration he seemed to. That made her cheeks warm and her heart flutter. She holds the music piece out to him.

“Try it.”

He angles his head in a teasing manner as if to ask was she serious. Mani smiles softly at him.

“Come on.”

With that, he walks over to take the seat right next to her on the bed and takes the harmonica in hand. He turns it over back and forth to try to see the mechanics of how such a small device could make such pretty and resonating sounds. Then he attempted to cup his hands around it in the same manner she had just done. Anubis decided it was a good idea to make himself comfortable on the lap, curling his tail around his body purring which surprised both humans present.

“Like this?”

Mani smile widens a little and she nods her head. He blows out a harsh breath resulting in a loud harmonic toot which frightens them both causing them to chuckle. He liked the way her giggle sounded, it warmed him. He did it a second time, this time a much slower, gentler sound came since he had not put so much force into it. Giggling, she placed her smaller hands on his to form them better on the instrument.

“Here try it like this. There you go now try it again.”

He was starting to get lost in the way her hands felt touching him. Though it was innocent in nature, it lit a small fire in him. Mani had felt the heat the second their skin touched. She kept her hand over his as she instructed him to try again and shook his hand the way she had done hers to make that musical quiver. Judging by the look on his face when he stopped playing, he was pretty pleased with himself and even more pleased with her. Guy tucked his bottom lip between his teeth as they kept each other’s gaze while sitting shoulder to shoulder. The closest they had been the entire night. He would be coming back to see her without a doubt.

And he did for weeks on end, he would come and she would read aloud for him. He couldn't get enough of her voice, her smell, her touch, everything just had to be her. It was an almost suffocating but euphoric feeling he felt every time they spent within the 4 walls of her small apartment. She would read a passage of the book and then hand it over to him so he could take over. At first he took the book with trepidation, unsure if he could read as deeply as she does then that feeling was all but forgotten once he began to sound off. Work had began to get more demanding and Beatty more merciless as the pressure of his impending new position weighed on him. Flashbacks of his father being beaten outside in the rain by his fellow firemen flashed in his eyes constantly as he worked to capture the very people he had become. It became his double life coming to Mani’s place and he looked forward to every single visit. They began to get closer to one another. Small touches turned to lingering holds, sitting side by side to her cuddling against his chest as he read. They were falling in love and yet her Goddess hadn't come to take her from this hellhole of a universe.

Be patient my pupil. You still have much to learn.

With that, the fallen woman would leave those thoughts be and continue to enjoy her Guy. She was beginning to understand what all the mortal commotion was about. Until one night the fire squad came to the shop she often fixes graffitti and lined all who were there in a line demanding answers. The captain walks up and down the line like a predator stalking its prey, judging which one of them would be the easiest catch.

“I know one of your Eels knows something about the Omnis.”

He stopped right in front of her. eyes scanning and probing into her very being. He was much too close for her and Guy’s comfort, who was watching the encounter nearby. The desire to step in and interfere was overwhelming and hard to suppress but he know that if he did he would have more of an issue on his hand. He remained on his guard. The captain leaned close enough that Mani could feel his breath upon on her cheek and whispered.

“What if I told these people what you do? What would be worse… What I do to you or what they would?”

He takes several steps back to observe her firm face but eyes hard with a twinge of fear. Despite not truly caring about this world, Abhimani know the consequences of it. Having dealt with it herself in the past, she wasn't trying to get tangled in any of that ever again. And she had finally got her mate…

“We’re all the same here.”

A tall, slender man stepped forward out of the line in her defense shocking her and the man who stood to torment her.

“Whatever you do to her, you do to us.”

Beatty signals a weapon be handed to him and proceeded to go over to the outspoken man.

“Is that so? I understand. You wanna be help each other. Comradery and all that..”

With that last word, the captain bludgers the man with the blunt end of the weapon and continues down the line.

“I am your judge and I am your court. I receive you when you come and…”

He strikes another in the line.

“I dismiss you when you go!”

Guy couldn't watch anymore nor could he risk anything happen to Mani so he slicked off to the building’s breaker box, flipping the switch and shrouding the entire place in darkness right as Beatty was close to her. He ignited the fire on his flamethrower to shed some light as the Eels fled the scene rapidly. The captain commanded his subordinates to gather them back together and everything was in chaos around her. She tries to dip and dodge the firemen but trips over her own feet under the weight of her heavy backpack. Guy catches her in his arms.

“Come on. Come here.”

His eyes dart around to make sure they are not being watched which seems highly plausible in all the ruckus. He guides her to exit and she turns to him.

You have to let him go for now!

But my Lady I just found him!

I never said it was over silly girl now go!

With the warning growl from her Goddess, Mani takes off running to her place so that she can gather some supplies to escape. There was still some people she know would help her if she just got to them before the firemen caught up with her. The city was on the ultimate lockdown, transit checkpoints, border patrols, and all were ordered to “stay vivid on the 9.”

Mani rummages around her small space, grabbing what she needed for her journey. Her adrenaline was still pumping from the earlier and her hands shook as she packed. The sudden knock on her door startles her. She gingerly approaches it before peeking out the makeshift peephole and letting out a sigh of relief seeing it was her mate. The door flies open followed by Guy hastily walking in and immediately grabs her in his hands looking her over frantically.

“Are you ok? You hurt? I wanted to leave with you but I..”

“Montag slow down. I’m fine but I have to get out of here. Did anyone follow you here?”

Mani gently wriggles her body out his iron grasp, turning to resume her semi-organized packing job. He watched her move around her place just as he had during his first visit but his eyes that were once filled with curiosity and desire burned with sadness and despair.

“No I was looking over my shoulder the whole way here. Wait where you gonna go?”

“A compound far out. Some family friends hiding out there I think I can help.”

“Mani there’s checkpoints all over the city. You think you can make it there?”

“I have connections to avoid those.”

By this time, she had stopped her rummaging and found herself standing face to face with him. They stared and stared hoping one of them could find the answers to all their problems. Both of their emotions in a tizzy. How could they give each other up so quickly when they had finally gotten close? She didn't want to let him go. What did all this mean?

I swear I love my Goddess but she's making things very difficult for me. This isn't fair.

She couldn’t express what she was feeling. Perhaps it was what it felt like when a puzzle was missing that one piece. Utterly incomplete and totally wrong. She wasn't sure if she could bare being separated from him again, not when she had finally gotten to know his heart.

“Will I ever see you again?’

She wasn't sure if the question was for Guy or for his soul that was connected to hers. The softly uttered question made his heart flutter. She raised a hand to his cheek, holding his face in her palm. His hand comes to her wrist wrapping his fingers around it gently with his thumb running across her skin. Their faces graviated closer to each other with each passing breath until they seemed to be exchanging oxygen, both sets of lips so ready to touch when the door unexpectedly bursts open and firemen pour in. Beatty saunters in, hands clasped together in front of him with a mischievous look in his face with an evil intent. The two were jerked apart despite the tight hold they had on each other.

“You really thought we weren't watching you. You should be a little smarter than that Montag.”

“Just leave her alone captain. I'll take whatever punishment you deem appropriate, just let her go.”

Beatty looked as though he was actually contemplating his request. Mani could hear her heartbeat in her ears, feel it in her throat, and struggled to keep it in her chest. The room was so silent you could practically each passing puff of air out of every mouth present.

“That’s a pretty good offer there. Why don't we start right here?”

He had unsheathed a blade that no one saw coming and filled Mani’s abdomen with its metal. Seeing what the captain had done, Guy began to thrash against the hold of his fellow firemen but they held fast.

As her vision began to blur all she could her was her mate’s cries and her own thoughts.

Well goddamn it that wasn't supposed to happen.

——————————

TAGS: @jozigrrl @itsangeludaku @thehomierobbstark @hearteyes-for-killmonger @muse-of-mbaku @amethyst1993 @killmongersgurl @trevantesbrat @iamrheaspeaks @princesskillmonger @ayellepea @vikkidc @laketaj24 @madamslayyy @thereturnofbadazz @purple-apricots @thadelightfulone @theunsweetenedtruth @wakanda-inspired @panthergoddessbast @blackpantherismyish @yaachtynoboat711 @forbeautyandlife @bidibidibombaclaat @quietstorm-73 @youreadthatright

#Next Lifetime #Erik Stevens #Adonis Creed #Wallace #Guy Montag #Abhimani Wright #Soulmate AU #vanity writes #my shit #Bastet #Panther Goddess Bast #Erik x Black OC

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luisneer · 7 years

Text

selected tweets 2016-17

These are tweets from my first @luisneer twitter account. Recently I made a new twitter account with the same username, after having deleted my account and having been without twitter for several months. These tweets are from August 2016 to March 2017, which was most of my first year of college at Shepherd University, in Shepherdstown, West Virginia. I don't go to Shepherd anymore; I transferred to West Virginia University, in Morgantown, WV, after my second semester. My tweets from late March 2017 to [July or August] 2017, when I deleted my twitter, were not archived.

I'm creating this blog post so the world will have access to some of my tweets from the deleted @luisneer, in case they have any merit as literature. I'm still not sure if I will continue to use twitter in 2018/the future. Usually when I use twitter I feel like I'm actually wanting to be doing something else, but I don't know what; or wanting to be using "another app" that doesn't exist. Twitter generally seems bad for me. Questions about my tweets August 2016-March 2017 can be directed at [email protected]. Thank you

2016

morgantown has ~48 vape shops

**morgantown has ~480 vape shops

siri has werner herzog-like inflections

considering changing outfits when i take several walks in one day (so nobody thinks im a serial killer, stalker, spy, alien)

think i remember ~5% of things i said today

imagined vague connection btwn 'vitamin d' and 'reptar'

felt distinctly that i was a monkey or chimpanzee while crouching in the corner of my dorm room eating peanuts out of a jar

just thought (as a request to my mom) 'fax me my skateboard...'

looked at toilet in bathroom stall with expression of 'utter terror' for what felt like ~15 seconds while it flushed

listening to bright eyes with headphones at house show

feel that the toothpaste i use is advancing decay of my teeth

feel 100% certain that i could train myself to use telepathy to operate my phone during classes

enjoying the sensation of my right leg 'falling asleep' during psychology class (left foot is also 'asleep')

felt 'sociopathic' after eye contact w library worker who watched me pick up & pocket a pair of apple headphones someone had left on a chair

left stolen apple headphones on gray bench across the street from my dorm

repeatedly placed/removed sunglasses while walking in hallway

strong desire to remove all positive patterns from my life and perpetuate/embrace all negative ones

feel that my laptop 'knows' which parts of its screen im looking at

in winchester, VA

thought of my own music as having 'no compelling audible elements'

thought of myself as being legally named 'the fuck up', then couldnt remember my actual name

successfully, i feel, duplicated 'sociopath facial expression' during eye contact with arch-nemesis in stairwell

ive taken 13800mg ibuprofen since i got to college

feel compelled to ask my 9 yr old brother for advice re 'college-level' personal issues

feel smart after sitting on couch in painting studio + reading art magazines for 2 hours

persistent notion that 100% of students at my college personally hate me

psychology professor muttered something like 'scary snake... endocrine system...'

feeling heavily drugged/sedated in psych class

psych professor seems obsessed with/terrified by snakes

imagined kanye smoking crystal meth and tweeting something like 'please help me... cant feel mouth... need help'

saw a moth at open mic, thought about god

experiencing difficulty trying to smile

enjoying using numerous cliches ('the case is closed', 'taking a step back', 'harsh realities') in an essay

intrigued by conversation i had 9 hrs ago w/ 2 boys who countered my tone (calm, eloquent) exactly by being loud and rude in a friendly way

felt simultaneously really cute and really lonely while giggling with my mouth closed in french class

imagined kanye inventing the word 'compactualize' and using it in a sentence during a televised interview

enjoyed 8-sentence john updike bio in norton lit anthology

perceived person standing outside bathroom stall occupied by me could 'sense', via something like echolocation, that i was/am depressed

spoke to french professor in what felt like a distinct persona/alternate luis neer called 'marge simpson voice' luis neer

feel confidently that the public debut of 'marge simpson voice' luis neer was a success

feel that 'marge simpson voice' luis neer is the culmination of an unconscious process that initiated in my mind maybe 3-5 years ago

i want to identify/analyze additional alternate luis neers

i dont like videos

i came to college and got weirder, better at writing, more arrogant, more defeated, more sensible

simultaneously feel that i should run 3 miles and that, at this moment, i would be incapable of running any distance

feel urged to draw new attention to my 'marge simpson voice' tweets

huge power outage at shepherd lol

realized theres no such thing as a 'nation'

remembered ive blown off obligations to several people, not just one person, so my irresponsibility doesnt 'have a focus', felt comforted

feel that my follower count is 'crystallized' / will never increase or decrease ever again

struggled to convert 'stick-and-poke' to past tense during conversation in line at sheetz

feel it would be pleasurable to take a donut + bottle of coca-cola from this sheetz via armed robbery

crossed busy road, felt really surprised i didnt get hit by a car, also i wasnt wearing glasses, was walking to sheetz, bought an icee

laughed alone in my dorm thinking that i should print out a picture of barack obama to put on my wall

drank from separate glasses containing soymilk, coffee, iced coffee, apple juice, cranberry juice, water, sprite for dinner/breakfas

just thought 'from adorno to zizek' sans context while shitting

opened gmail, emailed my father, closed gmail, opened gmail again, viewed email to my father, forwarded it to myself

'camcorder' would be a good band name

i thought arnold palmer had already died

willem dafoe doesnt make me uncomfortable

i want to stop being mean

i hate bfs but i want to be someones bf

wishing i was in a car with friends and no cellular service

tangled up in myself and others

twin peaks is depicted as a small town but its population is greater than that of every city in west virginia including the state capital

eating shark

thought of my own intelligence as 'frightening'

thought while walking to class that ginger ale should be made public domain

had the stitches on my chin removed today, touched the scar tissue for the first time

i miss being in therapy

i love carpet

i love carpet !!

just thought about my own tweets and lol'd

mood lately very fragile

this is what i get for staying up til 5 am

all night i've felt a wave of dread swelling up, now it's really hitting me

sound of laughter in public still frightening + unnerving

my instinct for when to unfriend people on facebook has adapted so that i unfriend people over statuses that make me feel no emotions at all

fuck, im feeling so much terror

gucci mane was born 3 days before conor oberst

the other day i mentioned that i was a poet and this vape guy interrupted me to say "and you didnt know it" and i went fucking nuclear

interacted with mailman who was picking up mail as i was trying to mail chapbooks, he didnt notice at first that i was talking to him

what if old people have secrets

my dad is making me root for a football team but im in pain emotionally

i feel guilty in general

thought of my poem "portrait of a nation without any people" as the "lead single" for my full length; it appeared in potluck 14 months ago

im close friends with satan rn

feel like travis scott never intended for people to spell his name with a $

from now on every time i get honey on something ill list the thing in this thread

finger

desk

coffee cup exterior

pajama pants

knee

carpet

chin

phone

shirt

shoe

thought that my elderly geography prof. moves by "shuffling"

feeling shorter, broader

the only part of the new bright eyes box set i want is the booklet

is there a booklet? i know there are nvr b4 sn photos

the song "lime tree" came to conor oberst in a dream

i like citing things in MLA

i write essays by pretending im werner herzog

doesnt seem to be getting later

lit professor gave my project (sequence of 6 sonnets) a C, i wish she would have gotten me expelled, shelley + ginsberg both were expelled

heard someone in another room ask "where's wal-mart?" as if wal-mart were a person whose location could change

i think i just swallowed a filling while eating popcorn, i am very scared, please help

crazy how things get worse

there are people on my floor having tons of fun and im upset

bit my mattress while sitting in the chair next to my bed

weird that chance the rapper only has 2.4 million followers when he's sort of one of the most famous artists in the world rn

also weird that donald trump has made 34,000 tweets, seems like an incredibly large number

the strangeness of yesterday was, for me, augmented by people on the internet talking about a tv show that ive never seen or heard about

the sunlight is obscene

im so upset about the sun being so bright im afraid to go outside

im glad im the only poet who likes trailer park boys

i slept in a blanket fort under my bed and havent left it all day

yr = your ur = you're

my favorite things are pdfs

now that ive adapted my living space to allow me to never leave my blanket fort i feel like my roommate, omar, exists in a parallel universe

i hear him but i never see him

i love latte art, i drink many lattes

thought that twitter "isn't worth it" in an upset tone while drinking mtn dew

felt pleasant considering uniqueness of all parent-offspring relationships

went through my closet + made sure all shirts and jackets were zipped/buttoned

my blanket is generating flashes of light from static electricity

record store guy became visibly sick of me several months ago; feel a little guilty every time i enter his store to spend money

i prefer EPs

felt "out of control" walking downhill listening to dead kennedys with headphones

writing an essay is difficult because idk how much relevant information other people have already considered / moved on from

have been wanting to write at least one poem inside my blanket fort but i don't think it's going to happen, i don't know why

the internet isn't big enough

usually when i think "i dont understand the uproar about [event]" i realize there is no "uproar"

"uproar" is media's way of manipulating the public spotlight and distracting people from important tasks

feeling helpless + melancholy after dying 15 times and killing 2 stormtroopers in star wars battlefront

the only way to attain conor oberst-level emo hair is to lay in bed and sob for hours

i'm sad

my mom was confused when i told her my first book comes out today

was luis neer in odd future

thought "sometimes i just want to end it and start all over" in an exasperated tone re my goodreads account

becoming increasingly convinced it would be best for me personally to take myself extremely seriously/never joke about myself

thinking that my tweets would seem terrible if i were a senator/governor/other politician

imagined doomsday device for future @starwars movies: the "death train," a normal train that exists in space and destroys planets

how does anyone do it

in science fiction movies, spacecraft usually look like shopping malls

everyone in the world is high except me

feel like i want to have poems published immediately

having delusions of grandeur

im sitting on my record player

my most-used word in 2016 was "bleak"

prepared and ate garbanzo beans w a lot of rosemart at 2:00 AM

my brother has a friend over and is being mean to the friend

all i want for christmas is to never cheer up, ever

watching eyes wide shut and hugging duckuc

my nose feels like it's going to bleed

im sad because every bf looks like me

getting better at eating ice cream by punching it with my tongue

the internet is too freaky...

i think 2017 will be a year of realizing things

im watching the angry birds movie

the angry birds movie is so shitty... why was it made...

ive never had a new years kiss

2017

im weird

eating medicinal ice cream

im not going to do any drugs in 2017

made a medicinal phone call

i want to drink some blood

i dreamed that roger ebert wrote a negative review of life after ppl and called it "liner notes"

years dont kill people

feel inexplicably/explicably really scared about the future of my poetry career

i've felt stoned since i was a baby

downloading google earth

made eye contact in starbucks with possible luis neer incarnation from ~50 years in future; bon jovi "dead or alive" played through speakers

realised that at some point in the future i will become extremely interested in watching football

i recommend reading poems extremely slowly while touching the text with your middle finger/index finger

experiencing cognitive dissonance

used phonetic clues to correctly predict meaning of & use the word "tandem" while discoursing with myself internally

i miss steel pedal guitar sounds on conor oberst songs

my previous incarnation "college luis neer" has evolved to become "high school luis neer-like luis neer in college setting"

thought "man, i got to stop caring what people think about me" in an emphatic tone that seemed confusing/interesting

mediocore

beyonce is cool i think

i want to re-read "v for vendetta" and to not tweet about it

remembered that i own a pinata

i will be at awp

how could i make twitter a better place

i saw 4 people wearing yeezys in dc this weekend

feeling increasingly self-conscious about how much i use the phrase "in the world" or refer to "the world" in poems

felt robot-like while attaching detachable headphones cord to my headphones while wearing the headphones

watching shepherd univ lacrosse team practice from "safety of" student center

i invented releasing two chapbooks in one day

im dumber than me

reasoned mentally that im more likely to produce accurate drawings of myself because "i basically look like a bird, so i just draw a bird"

i want to have a "fake tweet" (e.g. a simple phrase) to tweet repeatedly every time i feel urged to tweet an uninformed/unimportant opinion

my fake tweet for the foreseeable future will be "i dropped my textbook in the stairwell". when i tweet this it means i have an opinion

i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

does anyone remember the chapter of "the hobbit" where bilbo avoids starvation by ingesting peanut butter, honey, cherry nyquil, and water

sensed that all my college friends just simultaneously shifted from having vague/non-serious negative feelings about me to hating me

resulting from continuous building of irrepressible/inevitable conjecture in the friends' conscious thoughts

eating chicken and squash

i click on 100% of poetry links tweeted by poets i follow

when i was writing Waves i was obsessed with waves (e.g. energy waves, frequencies) and used the word "waves" at least ~10 times every day

i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

white nike swooshes on shoes of boy in library look vibrant/magical

terrified of being cool

walked to library really slowly while listening to noise music through big headphones

i was really, really yung when i started publishing and i'm still really yung

2 chainz always looks like he's walking in an airport

i have 5 twitters

i didnt know what bill paxton looked like, i was thinking RIP gene hackman

why doesnt anyone blog about me

thesis statements arent real

thinking about my book

i deleted both my tumblrs by accident

sad about my tumblr

my name is all over the internet

im a lizard

someday there'll be no more ppl

a lot of conor oberst song titles have parentheses

feeling sad about the actions of my clone, who passed away

idk how to use venmo or what it is

present-day tumblr is like the end of the never ending story where atreyu is talking with the rock biter and the nothing is swirling around

when someone, anyone, is upset with me im afraid im going to be assassinated

the views-era apple music ads that depict drake working hard in the studio have really affected and inspired me

on tumblr i have 4 followers

almost all of my tweets seem unimportant

feel that if someone told me that one of my tweets made them upset i would just apologize and delete it

ground control to commander venus

i like my new tumblr

i would be wearing a cardigan rn but i dont have one

feel that i will continue to generate bright eyes-related content throughout my life

is everything ok

i look like michael moore

#words

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primadonnatartuffe · 8 years

Text

-- primadonnaTartuffe [PT] began bothering invincibleDetective [ID] at 20:38 --

PT: oh damn fancy seeing you here.

PT: all lit up on my friends list.

PT: crazy.

ID: I am a beacon of prosperity.

ID: And I'm probably not even facing the right way.

ID: Hey, good looking. Fancy seeing me.

PT: we dont gotta face the right way to make meaningful conversation. its all good.

PT: check it ill even obscure my vision to prove how well we can communicate here.

PT: okay blind typing now...

PT: wha ts ip sex y.

PT: oh shit hey that wasnt bad.

ID: She's trying to communicate.

ID: I'm listening.

PT: wha

PT: ts

ID: Literally. Because this is text to speech and it's an incredible modern invention.

PT: what the fuck?

PT: ive never even heard of that.

PT: i hope the voice is set to smouldering temptress.

ID: It's Windows text to speech. Mr. Micheal.

ID: So yes.

ID: Smouldering temptress.

PT: thank god... mr mikes the only one i can trust to accurately replicate my husky vocals.

ID: What can I say? We have similar taste.

PT: ;)

PT: so what are you up to?

ID: Having a smoke. Relaxing with Audrey.

PT: audrey?

ID: A sweet dame who takes none of my nonsense.

ID: She's at my feet right now.

ID: ...

ID: She's a dog.

PT: oh fuck!! howd i miss a dog?

ID: Because last time, Sage was guiding me around. And she's pretty puppy peppy as it is.

PT: true.

PT: i saw sage today.

ID: How was it?

PT: fun. i was busking and she hung out with me.

PT: we caught up a lil bit. and talked about you in high heels.

ID: An important point of discussion. I understand.

PT: i knew you would.

PT: hey random question but do you know any good coffee places down town?

ID: Hmm. A good question.

ID: The Coffee Can is a good coffee chain. Carapacian owned.

PT: okay cool. i need someplace to go.

ID: Walks are notoriously good for the soul.

ID: Maybe I'll join you some time.

PT: yeah.

PT: id like that.

PT: should be plenty of time for it. ive been spending most of my days just milling through the streets.

PT: i dont got much moneyyyy. so im limited as far as entertainment goes.

ID: So you make your own.

ID: Remember who you are talking to.

PT: yeah of course.

PT: but i probably shouldnt let my imagination run too wild.

ID: Viva la revolucion.

PT: lol. i mean...

PT: right now my imagination is telling me this coffee would be better with booze in it.

ID: That's a tough one.

ID: You should talk about it.

ID: The impulse.

PT: im not really sure what to say about it?? aside from it being present most of the time.

ID: What about right now?

PT: right now... it is pretty overwhelming and thats why ive forced myself to go to a coffee shop lol.

PT: im not supposed to drink.

ID: Understandable.

ID: Maybe you can take your mind off whatever is overwhelming you.

ID: I know it's hard.

PT: i can sure heckin try haha.

ID: You still sing.

ID: Maybe you can try that.

ID: Every day is a musical if you're Ryan Strider. Which you are.

PT: shit youre right.

ID: The world is your oyster. And you have the tools.

PT: yeah...

PT: you mind if i sing to you?

ID: If you don't mind me listening.

PT: haha alright.

-- primadonnaTartuffe [PT] is calling! --

PT: [beep beep. ryan is making a voice call, the much forgotten about feature of messenger programs. there's a pause before her voice can be heard on the other end.]

PT: i had given up. i didnt know who to trust. so i designed a shell. kept me from heaven and hell. and i had hit a low. was all i let myself know. yeah i had locked my heart. i was imprisoned by dark.

PT: you found me dressed in black. hiding way up at the back. life had broken my heart into pieces. you took my hand in yours. you started breaking down my walls. and you covered my heart in kisses.

PT: i thought life passed me by. missed my tears ignored my cries. life had broken my heart my spirit. and then you crossed my path. you quelled my fears... you made me laugh. then you covered my heart in kisses.

ID: *He has no idea whether Ryan expects him to respond afterwards but he does anyway. Smile in his tone of voice.* A voice that can raise the dead, Strider. Always.

PT: heh... thanks.

PT: im gettin looks for belting it out randomly in a coffee joint but worth it.

PT: i feel a little better.

ID: I'm sure there is a kareoke place you can take it to instead.

PT: probably... but thats too obvious.

PT: karaokes more fun with friends anyway.

ID: That can be arranged.

PT: then lets arrange it some time.

ID: I could possibly arrange it right now.

ID: Are you terribly busy?

PT: bruh im singing alone in a coffee shop to combat my self destructive urges.

PT: i think i might be free.

ID: Alright. I'll send you the coordinates and meet you there.

ID: Chao.

PT: here comes me.

-- primadonnaTartuffe [PT] ceased bothering invincibleDetective [ID] at 22:59 --

#invincibleDetective #in which singing in a coffee shop

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yourmcu · 4 years

Text

Forgotten [DISCONTINUED]

Pairings: Tony Stark x daughter!reader, Peter Parker x Stark!reader (platonic)

Request:

Word count: 1,627

A/n: (to anon: I’d like to apologize for not finishing this) I don’t think I have any intention to anymore tbh so- I’m just posting this for fun now lmaolmao

hella big update: the continued version is here!

Warnings: bad angst and writing hee hee. no I’m serious this is bad

gif not mine! credits to the owner^^