#//we seem to have abandoned adoption for irl drama :(

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 18

Brennan Lee Mulligan Fight Me IRL (subtitle: Is This Allowed?)

***A proclamation: Non-Adaine Abernants have no rights (and no consistent canon name spellings) so, henceforth, I will be spelling their names however the hell I want.***

Yeah I don’t have any preamble this week, let’s just do this.

We rejoin our table (which Ally is very noticeably absent from) with Fabian just having seen Kristen stabbed through by the skeletal unicorn. He runs out to get the rest of the Bad Kids but, when he comes back, there’s a mirror showing the room instead of a passageway into it. He shatters the mirror, which doesn’t help the situation at all. 

Fig takes advantage of the souped up illusion magic in the forest and uses Phantasmal Force on herself to create an illusion of a door that she can walk through. She, however, realizes that she’s not being taken into the same place that Kristen’s body was and gets out of there ASAP. Meanwhile, Gorgug takes down the wall and they’re able to get into the room. 

Once in the room, they find a human skeleton clutching shattered pieces of stone in its hands, which Adaine does the Identify Spell on--it’s St. Kristen Applebees, who’s been dead for 850 years (850 years ago is when the last Sylvan War happened, just FYI). Fabian can tell the room is very different than when he was in it last, like it’s been shut up with a dead body for 850 years. The skeleton is also weird. The posture and joints are wrong and it seems like it was decaying during life as well. Gorgug looks at the stone shards the skeleton is holding and sees that they’re broken pieces of an image of a face, but the freaky thing is it’s not all the same face. And the faces resemble their own. 

So, across the board, troubling stuff.

Adaine casts Locate Creature on the unicorn and senses that it’s moving into the forest (which is in conflict to where they see its hoofprints leading). Riz does an insight check and is convinced that this isn’t a situation that can be solved with logic. This is some straight Alice in Wonderland BS that can only be endured, not solved. There’s only one thing to do. Take a ton of drugs and go through their personal hells to save Kristen. The group, filled with trepidation and determination, agrees. Fig offers to cast Fear on everyone to make things easier. (She also takes her hair down because she is a rock star who understands when to do things for maximum drama). Adaine dismisses Boggy and gets rid of her Anxiety meds. Fabian gets rid of his fear-cancelling eyepatch. Fig and Adaine want everyone to be tied to each other but Riz thinks this is something they absolutely have to do alone and they reluctantly agree. Everyone comes together in the last moment before they put themselves through this ordeal. I believe in you. Spring Break.

Then Riz takes off, before they can even do the drugs. His biggest fear is not having a plan so it’s the best he can think to do to give in to fear. Riz tries to follow the unicorn, getting torn at by branches and briars as he goes, hands suddenly bleeding (as if digging through a palimpsest), and he stops when he finds a sliver of silver mirror. Let’s do some D20 math. Riz+Mirror. What does that equal? That’s right. We knew this was coming. It’s the return of Baron from the Baronees!

Baron appears and says that Riz made him up because he was scared. What was he scared of? Riz says he’s scared of being wrong and hurting his friends but Baron says that that’s not why he lied. He lied because of his anxiety over all of the rest of his friends getting into romantic relationships and leaving him behind. They don’t care about him. They only keep him around because he’s useful for mystery solving. Baron shows his images of his friends with their respective love interests and Riz, ever logical even when he’s trying not to be, sees Ragh with Fefethriel (he also has no rights so I’m not looking up how to spell that) who he knows Ragh doesn’t like and clings to that as a sign that this isn’t all real. Baron continues to twist the knife. Riz isn’t like his friends. He’s not like his parents. And he’s not a good detective because, if he was, he wouldn't let himself get so easily distracted. Riz finds he’s no longer in the forest. He’s trapped in a world of mirrors.

“OK,” says Brennan. “Let’s go down the line. What are all of you afraid of?”

“Oh Boy,” I say, knowing this is going to be a bitch both to watch and try to coherently recap. 

Their answers are as follows:

Gorgug: Impostor Syndrome and the fact that he’s already died once which calls into question the reality of everything after that.

Adaine: Failure and loss of control

Fig: Fig has a whole laundry list of fears. Gilear being dead, Ayda being dead and coming back as a baby, being a fraud that will wear out her welcome and be discarded, not being able to save her friends

Fabian: Helplessness and ending up as Yogurt Fabian

Everything starts to go to hell at once.

Gorgug’s crystal pings. It’s a message from Skrank saying that it’s dope that he and Zelda got back together and he’s happy Gorgug is being so cool about it. Gorgug just turns his crystal off but then, he’s hit with the realization that his life just doesn’t really add up. He’s a rockstar with a girlfriend who saved the world from a dragon with his friends? Come on. That’s a little far-fetched. And then, Bam! Adaine has to roll for a panic attack. For the first time ever, she fails on a 4 and begins to shut down. She fights the panic attack, even though she knows she needs to experience fear to get to the center of the forest and she’s able to...but finds herself outside of the briar wall, alone. She tries to Misty Step back in, but she can’t. She’s stuck.

At about the same time but a few seconds earlier as Fig is casting Fear, Fig is caught between her two main fears: being a fraud and not being able to save her friends. But Brennan, the evil genius, says that it occurs to Fig that the fact that she even had the thought of her self image while her friends were in danger means that her main concern is a shallow one and that she is a fraud. A cool, confident copy of Fig--the rockstar image she tries to project--splits from her body, tells the real Fig to stay down, and Fig is frozen to the ground. 

Fabian just straight disappears. Not from the room like Adaine. From history. All his friends forget about him and are unable to see him. The Bad Kids were always comprised of 5 Members. There is no war in Ba Sing Se.

The Illusion of Fig says she’s going to find Riz and Adaine and she poofs out, leaving Gorgug and Fabian alone in the room. But Gorgug can’t see Fabian. He doesn’t even remember Fabian exists. As far as he can tell, he’s been left alone. Abandoned. He tries to anchor himself with a bone he took from Kristen’s skeleton earlier and then heads off to try to find Riz.  Fabian tries to call out to Gorgug, or hold him back but Gorgug doesn’t hear him and he finds he can’t physically affect him in any way. Fabian decides to let him go. He just sits. With everyone gone (including Baby who left with Fig’s double), Fig is suddenly able to move again. She calls out to her friends and, hearing no response, goes towards the woods. 

OK, that was a lot and it just gets wilder from here. I’m going to try to present this as coherently as possible by splitting up what happens to everyone rather than intercutting the scenes like in the episode.

Gorgug

Gorgug travels until the forest becomes impassable. Then, he finds a tunnel under the roots of the tree that’s super tight. He can get through but just barely and he for sure can’t get out the way he came. It's littered with leaves and bugs and Gorgug is pretty claustrophobic. Still, he steels himself and starts dragging himself through. It’s scary as hell but he knows the fear is leading him in the right direction and with a 21 Acrobatics, he gets through. 

Once on the other side, he takes out the recording stone he made earlier and records himself saying, “It’s Gorgug. Keep going,” as a message for anyone who might come this way. The message Care Bear Stare reverberates through the forest and all of his friends feel a spot of encouragement that they’re doing the right thing.

But Gorgug finds himself in the worst room for a low Int party member to be in alone. He’s in a puzzle room with a dick of a Sphinx who says Gorgug has to solve this puzzle or the Sphinx will eat him. The Sphinx says he’ll help (which will lower the DC of solving the puzzle) but every time he helps, he’ll give Gorgug some true but hurtful information. He has unlimited tries but once he starts he can’t stop.

Gorgug tries and fails (just barely). He asks for help. The Sphinx then shows Gorgug a vision of himself as a baby with his younger parents and all of his aunts and uncles. Gorgug doesn’t really know his extended family. Turns out, that’s because they were all hella racist about Gorgug being adopted so Digby and Wilma cut them all out of their lives. He created a rift in the family. He tries two more times. Both failures. The Sphinx begins to prowl and stalk him.

Gorgug realizes that the scariest thing to him is to admit that he’s too stupid to figure this out and he says, “I’m a dumbass. Eat me you stupid bug.”

The puzzle spontaneously solves itself. The sphinx leaps at Gorgug but vanishes into bugs before it can reach. The door opens and he can walk through. 

Riz

Riz takes comfort in the images of his friends around him (even though they’re all of awkward romantic moments) and says that no matter what Baron is saying, he knows his friends care about him. Kristen could have cured herself, but she cured him. They may call him The Ball, but now he’s friends with the bully who made up that nickname. He might not be super close with Penny who he worked so hard to save, but that’s OK because they just run in different circles. He feels secure with his role as Little Shrimp of the Bad Kids. 

The mirrors shatter. Baron vanishes. Care Bear Stare.

Riz sees tracks of the unicorn going off in another direction and he feels very confident that he can follow them and find it. He also sees a really cozy bed. 

“Is my greatest fear sleeping on the job?” he says. “I’m so lame.”

Still, he bravely gets in snuggles down (to the outrage of Lou, who we’ll get to next actually).

Fabian

Fabian gets up after feeling the spark of hope from Gorgug and starts moving deeper into the forest. Unfortunately, his friends may have forgotten about him but you know who hasn’t? Chungle-Down Bim who is in the forest, feral, and still chomping at the bit to shit in Fabian’s mouth. Fabian runs like hell into a cave to hide where he is met with his other worst nightmare, the SEXY RAT FROM FRESHMAN YEAR--now human sized--who gives away his hiding place.

After running for a bit longer, he takes a deep breath, lays down and--for the good of the party--decides to subject himself to what the forest has decided are his two worst fears apart from being forgotten: having his mouth shit in by Chungle-Down Bim and being fucked by a sexy rat. 

Insane but Bam. Care Bear Stare. 

The ground opens up and swallows him. He’s falling in darkness, just like in his nightmare from episode 1 (which I finally looked up, just in time it turns out). He hears Cathilda’s voice: If he’s his own new man, then will he be extraordinary? Will he write his name on the face of the Earth? Fabian senses a trap but he answers. He doesn’t know what he’ll be but he likes the direction he’s going. He doesn’t care where he ends up, because he likes where he is. And he doesn’t care if he writes his name on the face of the Earth because he’ll be with the bad kids. 

Gorgug, in the room that the door opens up to, suddenly sees something crash through the ceiling and Fabian--who he now remembers--is in the room with him. Fabian hugs him immediately--something he’s never done before.

And, for the trouble of that ordeal, Brennan lets them reroll their lowest ability scores with 4d6 (unless it’s lower than what they already have or higher than they want it for story reasons). 

Fig

On Fig’s way out of the temple, she sees a placid pool of water which has a carving of an eye being pried open above it. She can tell the pool is magical and she dips her feet into it, being consciously reckless. The pool is body temperature, which is unsettling, and it asks her whose dreams she wants to see. 

She first tries Aelwyn but gets nothing because elves are weird to scry on dream-wise since they trance. Then, she tries Kristen and sees the image of a huge woman (like mountain huge) clutching her scalp and screaming as a storm rages around her, striking her with lightning and destroying her in some crazy act of magic. Yikes. She scoops up some pool water to take with her. 

She tries to scry on Ayda, sees the same place Adaine saw when she did it earlier, and tries to Dimension Door there. It doesn’t work and she just ends up in some random place in the woods, hopelessly lost. As she walks, she comes across an elven village covered in spiderwebs and cocoons. Fig finds a griffon feather and then sees an old woman who is only partially cocooned. She wakes her up and asks what’s going on. Does she need help? Yeah, she could use help getting home. Fig asks where she lives. That’s easy. 22 Hilda Street; 22 Hilda Boulevard BAYBEE! 

Hilda-Hilda and her MASSIVE dog start to attack Fig (who was EXPLICITLY WARNED THIS MIGHT HAPPEN and told this insane lie anyway) and she books it out of there. As she runs, she is frozen and magically bound again. Her double walks out of the forest to taunt her some more. She asks what will happen once her rock star persona wears off and Ayda sees the real her?

“I hope that she finds something I didn’t know was there.”

Boom. Care Bear Stare.  

But Fig isn’t free. In fact, the bindings on her turn to marionette strings and she finds herself being dragged behind her double. Fig tries to make some illusion scissors to cut herself free but it doesn’t work. She’s reminded of the dream she had in the first episode of having fame and power and wanting a crown and any confidence she has leaves her as she remembers the times she’s been possessed in the past. Her double asks her why she wanted a crown so badly and Fig says it wasn’t her. It was whoever mind controlled her. Isn’t there a part of her that wants a crown though? Fig says what she’s interested in isn’t the crown. It's being able to control her self-image. Her double tightens her puppet strings which is heart clenching but Fig knows that means she’s going the right way.

They end up walking past the place where Ayda is and Fig yells at her double to help her--she may be a twisted version of her but she’s still a part of her so she should still have a crush on Ayda. The scrying water Fig took heats up and turns to steam and, within the steam, she can see what Ayda is experiencing: Previous incarnations of herself, screaming at her to do better and be better. She sees that, in Ayda’s memories, she spent a lot of time being confused and feeling inadequate and Fig was one of the first people to be patient with her and explain things to her. Ayda’s doubles taunt her and say there’s no rational world where someone as awesome as Fig (the real Fig, the Fig in Ayda’s memories is the real one, not the glamorous idealized one that has Fig hostage) would find a single redeemable quality in her. 

Ayda says, quietly to herself, that just because she hasn’t found any worthwhile qualities in herself, doesn’t mean someone as brilliant as Fig can’t.  

Fig suddenly finds herself somewhere far away, bound between trees right next to Riz who is still napping.

Brennan gives them the same offer to boost a score--Wisdom since they both got through their trials with Wisdom based solutions.   

Adaine

Adaine, also upon feeling the spark of hope from Gorgug, thinks that there has to be more going on than it seems so she takes off her jacket, leaves her orb, closes her eyes and starts walking. As she walks, it feels like days are passing. She doesn’t trip or fall but she takes slashing damage from the trees around her (still in the forest, regardless of how it appeared).

Eventually, she finds herself at the edge of a cliff that drops off into ocean. Ocean like the previous Oracle drowned in. Ocean like in the dream she saw herself drowning in at the start of the season. She sees someone standing near her but she doesn’t give them the time of day. She simply steps off into the open air and starts plummeting down. 

As she does, she sees that the figure--the same figure that was in the tent with her that she didn’t look at way back when--is of an older version of herself in a black mourning dress.

She starts drowning and she wants to try and solve the situation but, like Riz, she realizes that this isn’t something she can solve. She can only fight which she does, refusing to give up (which would be less scary). She suddenly finds herself not drowning in the ocean, but in an orb surrounded by people as Biz Glitterdew dressed like a Carnival Barker tells people to step right up and see the amazing Elven Oracle. She’s surrounded by people she doesn’t know how to help. She can’t even help herself. 

As she’s in the orb, she hears the voice of the future version of her from the cliff. She’s always been clever. She did everything right. This is her last chance to speak with her if she wants to. Adaine asks why she doesn’t have friends now. She’s hit with the reality she must know on some level already. She’s an elf. Her friends all have naturally shorter lifespans. Her future self has all these answers but the one thing she doesn’t know (much like Will in that one episode of Fresh Prince) is why she was so easily discarded by her parents. Are they unlovable? Our Adaine doesn’t know either. Maybe some things don’t have answers. Future Adaine asks if she ever wonders if the kindness from her friends is a reflection of their goodness and not her worthiness. God, yes, Every day. “But I know that my friends do love me so maybe there’s hope for us yet,” she says, voice heartbreakingly tremulous.       

Care Bear Stare.

Her double gives her a second and then says that as valid as that hope is, she needs to let it go, at least for now, to get to where she needs to get to. 

She lets it go. 

Adaine finds that she’s no longer in an orb filled with water. She’s in a prison orb in the heart of the forest surrounded by her family (hard air quotes around family). Her mom has summoned her. Aelwyn won’t look at her and is just staring at the floor, totally dejected. Anguin is there too, one eye busted and one arm in a sling. He’s PISSED. Arianwyn is still marked with curse wounds and Adaine doesn’t see the crown on her anywhere. She says it’s good to see Adaine, but Adaine’s not buying it. She Messages Aelwyn: Are you OK? What’s going on? Aelwyn says for once in her life, just do what their parents ask. Please. (She actually says please! Concerning!)

Arianwyn tells Adaine that all her friends are alive and nothing bad will happen to them. She’s not in any trouble. Adaine wants to know why she’d care if she was in trouble with her parents-in-name-only. “Self preservation?” Anguin suggests. Adaine says there’s nothing else they can do to her that’s worse than what they’ve already done so it’s kind of an empty threat. Anguin has something to say about that but his wife stops him and tells Adaine everything is nearly done. Promises were broken, they needed new allies, so they joined up with the Nightmare King. That’s not nearly enough information for Adaine. She wants to know why she’s there.

Arianwyn says that they need Adaine to just tell them what the Bad Kids have been planning so they can stop it and they’ll keep her friends alive. The Court of Stars said they would trade Aelwyn’s freedom for the Crown but, when she delivered it, they broke their promise. “So you bring back the NK?” Adaine asks, incredulously. The Abernants have always been important, Arianwyn says. She has no choice but to restore their tarnished name--the name tarnished partially by Adaine she points out.

Adaine wonders how they got to the center of the forest and faced all their fear while still being so craven. Aelwyn expresses surprise that Adaine didn’t just use a Duskmoss ritual the way they did. But she still made it, and Wiser than all of the rest of them. (Speaking of, here, Brennan gives her the same opportunity to boost her lowest score; hope she rolls 4 sixes and boosts her strength score). 

Tearfully, Arianwyn says that she doesn't know how to make Adaine believe in the family. To make her more like Aelwyn. Adaine says she's been so cruel and loveless to her her entire life. Why would she suddenly start believing in the family now? Arianwyn seems confused. She’s been very loving. And Adaine sees that she truly believes that. She had no self awareness at all.

Arianwyn continues to try and get Adaine on her side but Adaine rebuffs her, citing her earlier cruelty. “Love without expectation what is that?” Arianwyn says. “What is expectation without love?” Adaine counters, echoing her previous words. 

Arianwyn decides she doesn’t have time for this conversation and she doesn’t want to get upset in front of Adaine. She takes Killian (who is also there btw) and leaves. Once she’s gone, Anguin says that, when this is all over, he’s going to figure out a way to “fix” her permanently and his hands crackle threateningly with magic. 

We leave her there.

Riz wakes up and he and Fig make sure that the other is alright. Then, they hear the sound of hoofbeats and see the skeletal unicorn approach them. They sense a growing malevolence from the forest. 

Meanwhile, Fabian and Gorgug travel deeper into a tunnel off the room they both found themselves in and see that it leads to an endless ocean of mist from which huge islands of rock topped with forest jut out. They can sense that their friends are close.

“Spring break?” says Fabian.

“Spring break,” Says Gorgug. 

And that’s it for the session! 

Can’t wait for next episode to start with 30 minutes of Kristen being retroactively subjected to this same caliber of absolute nonsense just when I’ve recovered from this! 

 Detention

Arianwyn for Gothel-ing it Up

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You hate to see it. You truly hate to see it.

Was really hoping (based on some in-text evidence that I’ve previously discussed but also just wanting it really bad) that Arianwyn was gonna pull through and be not The Worst but it turns out she still mega sucks, just in a different direction than Anguin.  

I will say that we’re in the Nightmare forest of Lies so it’s possible we’re being lied to in some respect and I will glady eat my words if I have to later but, idk y’all, It felt pretty real to me.

Dishonorable mention to Anguin for threatening to mind-break Adaine which is horrific but we been knew he needs to get put down. 

Honor Roll

Gorgug for Sparking Hope

Gorgug is truly just the goodest boy. I really had no idea that him dropping that rock was going to do anything. In fact, I thought it was a dumb idea because nothing about the way things were set up made me think anyone else would come his way. It all seemed pretty individualized. 

Maybe that occurred to him. Maybe it didn’t.

But one thing that for sure occurred to him was that he wanted to help his friends in any way that he could so he tried and it worked and it helped. 

Gorgug really is the very best of what the Bad Kids stand for. Spot well earned. 

Random Thoughts

Brennan name dropped Kitty Pryde in this episode so I'm gonna give y'all a fun fact. I was a big fan of X-Men Evolution as a kid. In fact, it's still my fave piece of X-Men media to date (or, at worst, a veeery close second to the OG and TAS adaptation of the Phoenix saga). Anyway, Spyke in that cartoon at least once refers to Kitty as K-Girl and every time I call Kristen that, that's where I'm getting it from. 

Riz re: The Bardy Boys: As long as you investigate and and have a song in your heart you are a Bardy Boy. (If I was in charge of D20 merch, this would be the t-shirt for the ep for sure)

I gotta give major props to Brennan for how he ran this episode. I was so curious about how it would work and I had absolute faith in him of course--he’s never disappointed with individualized encounters--but he just knocked it out of the park. 

Kristen having all the revivify diamonds Concerns me, even though I guess she is the only one who could cast it I think (besides Tracker).

Siobhan: Keep crunching. Great practice for that die later. 

Ayda really stabbed me in the heart this episode. Brennan tried to murder me and Ayda was the weapon he used. The esteem that Ayda holds Fig in after such a short period of time is so sweet, as is how completely reciprocated it is. You know that “same hat, same hat!” Meme? That’s them, but also with their trauma. 

Interesting that, to Adaine, fighting and not giving up is the scariest thing but to Riz, going to sleep and not continuing is what’s scary. Especially since they’re so similar.

Of course, the bed could be going to sleep and being possessed but I don’t think he’s scared of that now that his money is gone. 

Some INSANE stuff happened re: Kristen this episode but it barely is even a footnote compared to everything else that happened. Isn’t that wild? Isn’t it wild that Kristen is apparently a Saint that has been dead for 850 years now and we’re not talking about that? Is this gonna be one of those weird time loop things where Kristen comes to find out that she’s actually been a part of this story the whole time?

Thank you Brennan for the emotional breaks of Fabian’s Loony Tunes antics and the return of Hilda-Hilda.

Anguin is still busted up from the fight with the Bad Kids which confused me until I remembered, oh yeah. Wizards don’t get heals. That’s why you diversify your party comp BI-YATCH.

I wonder what the true nature of the forest is. Most of the figures we saw in it were fully hostile but Adaine’s future self wasn’t. Just kinda sad. Of course, that is probably the better tactic to break Adaine since if something is openly hostile to her, she just tries to hit it.

What happened to Aelwyn since the last time we saw her? Clearly, all is not well. Intestinal distress aside, she was fine the last time she actually interacted with the Bad Kids and the last time we saw her via scry there was nothing obviously wrong with her. One thing that I noticed at the time but didn’t bring up because it wasn’t relevant then was that Brennan specifically said that she was wearing wood elf clothing while Arianwyn was wearing “Deep elf” clothing. In the art, you can see that she and Anguin are dressed more “nobly” and also that Aelwyn looks not only emotionally defeated but also physically roughed up and dirty. Why would they have her dress as a wood elf, who they clearly see as inferior? Is it pure cruelty? Part of whatever ritual they were doing?  I thought for a second it might be to pass her off as a wood elf for something in connection with the mystery goddess but they all look pretty freaking related. Nuathra was able to tell that Adaine was related to Arianwyn and Aelwyn pretty quickly. And, beyond what she looks like, when Adaine spoke to her via message and Aelweyn told her to not make waves, she said please. Aelwyn used the word please. That, to me, is a MAJOR red flag.

And what changed so drastically that it got Arianwyn and Anguin back on the same side? It didn’t seem like they were working together before and Aelwyn, who I don’t think had any reason to lie at the time, also said it point blank. 

@camwritery and I were wildly speculating about the Abernants, you know, as you do, and wouldn’t it be wild if the Abernants via prophecy or whatever knew they were going to have a child who would be the Elven Oracle and since elves tend to not have more than one kid (idk if it’s like that in FH but it’s like that in a lot of stuff with elves) they assumed that kid would be Aelwyn which is why she got all the attention and Adaine--a surprise baby in this scenario--got ignored until she was suddenly became relevant to their plans?

We were also talking about how Adaine has basically walked herself right into a worst case scenario by leaving her arcane focus and jacket somewhere in the woods (not to mention getting rid of her familiar and meds). She’s pretty defenseless, which means it would be a *fantastic* time for Aelwyn to grow a spine and do her sister a solid. Like, presumably her friends will be to her soon enough but come on girl! The path to your redemption is right there, just stick the landing! My best case scenario: Anguin tries and fails to do a Detect Thoughts on Adaine to get the information she refuses to give him. He orders Aelwyn to do it. Adaine purposefully fails her save, shows Aelwyn everything she wanted to show her before, and boom. We’re in business. 

Last excerpt from that conversation: In the new art, the Abernant’s names are spelled Aelwyn, Angwyn, and Arianwen. First of all that’s nonsense and, as I said earlier, they get no rights. But, assuming that’s correct, interesting that all of their names have the same ending but Aelwyn got her dad’s spelling and not her mom’s. 

Why does Arianwyn care so much about the family name? Assuming elves do it like humans (which is a bit of an assumption I’ll admit) it wouldn’t even be her name and line. This is A LOT for a family you married into.

Fig did three low-key things this episode I thought were very sweet. One, she worried about Adaine’s meds. My thought was that she had her jacket so she’d be fine but Fig thought ahead the extra step and was worried Adaine would be too panicked to think about that. Two, upon seeing Baby was with her doppelganger Fig’s main thought was, “Oh good. At least he’s alright.” Three, she begged her doppelganger to stop and help Ayda, trying to appeal to any shared feelings for Ayda, even though she was being straight savage to her. In conclusion, Fig is a huge sweetheart and a lot more forward thinking than her actions would often suggest.

Also, “No one wants to hear the bass play solo”?????? Was that off the top of your head Emily???????????When Zac clutched his chest? I felt that.  

Not mechanically important, but Fig’s archdevil pentagram is now an anarchy symbol instead. Rock on. 

“Are you afraid to know the truth of your life?”/“Now I am.”

I was SO worried we were gonna hear some bad information about Wilma and Digby but it just turns out that they loved Gorgug so much that they cut all the toxic family members out of their life? You love to see it. 

Did this episode give anyone else major Labyrinth vibes?

Gorgug calling the Sphinx, “Mr. Sphinx.” I love him so much.

I saw people talking later about Zelda maybe having cheated on Gorgug but, tbh, the thought that that was real never really crossed my mind. I just assumed it was phone trickery because haven’t we seen phone trickery before? On the other hand, Brennan’s Good Place-esque, “Come on. You’re a popular rockstar who killed a dragon with his friends last year? Does that sound real?” torture of Gorgug was exquisite. Not to mention asking Emily which thing Fig dreads more than turning it in on itself. You could see the “game recognizes game” look in her eyes as he did that. 

The moment the Hilda-Hilda sequence started I knew exactly where it was going and it was delicious. Brennan spinning it out, baiting Emily into asking her address, the reveal? *Chef’s Kiss*

Weirdly specific point but in this episode, Fig has water she collected from a magical source boil and burst the container. That’s actually the second time this has happened to Emily, the first time being during Unsleeping City with a flask of water from Em’s fountain.

"My friends were warmer to me when I first met them than you ever have been my whole life." Really can’t wait for Adaine to get to deck her parents. We’re all rooting for you girl.

Awards for shredding my heart this week go to Fig and Adaine. Special awards to Riz for hitting a little too close to home and Brennan for facilitating this torture. I feel like I should also get to reroll my lowest skill with 4d6 for experiencing that.

As an aside, hope everyone is doing OK what with all the craziness going on in the world right now. I’m sure you don’t need another person to tell you to wash your hands and stay inside if you can but I do want to say that distracting yourself is a perfectly valid response to a situation you can’t do anything else about. I’m gonna say, if you’re into theater, check out the Six soundtrack if you haven’t already. It’s a whole bop (with a side of some history). Anyway, stay safe y’all. 

This episode, Adaine and Riz each rolled one Nat 1, Gorgug rolled two with one being cancelled out, and no one rolled any Nat 20s because it’s Bad Kid suffering hours baybee.

[skyradiant]

Tagged by @hameru-is-cool: Answer each question and tag ten followers.  I’m not sure who to tag and I’m too anxious for that anyway lol, so anyone who wants to respond on their own is free to.

Named after anyone?: This question’s a little ambiguous, but I guess I can refer to my username and online name.  The name “skyradiant” I started to adopt back in July 2015, my username on this site and a few others had been “graymelancholia” before, which I stole from somebody’s nickname for their childhood Rayquaza lol.  “Skye” was a name I started to use for myself last year after being nicknamed “sky” on Discord, it was actually supposed to become my real name as I thought I was trans.  It turns out I’m not really trans or cis I don’t think, but I still use it as my name online.  

So basically, I named myself after someone’s Pokemon lmao.

Last time you cried?: The last time I distinctly remember crying was when I saw the third and final episode of the 2003 documentary series Monsters We Met, “The End of Eden,” about three weeks ago.  Mainly because of how haunting the ending was and the somber music that went with it.

Do you have kids?: No, and I probably won’t ever.  I can’t even take care of myself right lmao.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?: Not really, mainly because when I try to be sarcastic people seem to interpret it as being sincere or serious.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?: The atmosphere or ‘vibe’ they give off I guess, both online and irl.  Goofy or serious, laid-back or passionate, etc.

What’s your eye color?: Hazel.

Scary movie or happy ending?: It depends, although I generally prefer drama over comedy.  Happy endings work the best when achieved through real adversity relative to the conflict, while tragic endings usually work better through some sort of ‘fall’ or when everything seemed to be going the protagonists’ way.

Where were you born?: St. Louis, Missouri, United States.

What are your hobbies?: Gaming and watching movies/TV series, I just finished Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters about an hour ago for example.  I used to draw and make videos, but I’ve lost the motivation for both as of late.  I also used to be a student, the closest thing I’ve had to an actual job, but I had to take the semester off because of how it was affecting my mental health and I’m not sure if I’ll go back or not.

Do you have any pets?: Three dogs, two cats and a pair of budgies/parakeets.  

What sports have you played?: I’ve never gotten into sports despite my father’s attempts lmao, I’m not competitive or athletic enough lol.

How tall are you?: This question again lmao.  At some point I need to measure my height lol.

Favorite subject in school?: Biology I guess, although I seemed to be much better at social studies.

Dream job: If only I knew lol, I wanted to be a writer but I’ve abandoned that dream it seems.  I have no idea what would make me happy as far as work goes, at this point it seems like my only real reason for finding employment would be something to justify my survival to other people lol. 

[spinneryesteryear]

Spinner plays FFXIV Heavensward

SPOILERS AHOY

- I made sure to unlock and lvl DRG before starting HW because reasons

- I… don’t really understand why people love Foulques so much? I can only presume it’s because they find him attractive

- at first I wondered why the lancers’ guild quests emphasized courage so much, but once you realize lancer upgrades to dragoon it all makes sense: they’re training the absolute maniacs who jump headfirst at DRAGONS; of course they’re going to emphasize courage

- the literal first thing I did as a dragoon after getting my soul crystal and the jump action was to launch myself into an AOE so clearly I’m playing my job right

- the drama between Alberic and Estinien was the only reason I made it through the 2.1 - 2.3 slog, tbh

- I picked up GLD/PLD somewhere in there, too, but the GLD quests weren’t exactly riveting and the PLD quests weren’t any better. I was just biding my time for DRK

- meanwhile I had hit like lvl 62 on WHM thanks to running lots of roulettes with Adventurer in Need: Healer so I’d switch to that while wandering through a lot of the HW regions so the mobs wouldn’t attack me. I did the HW story on DRG but ran dungeons as WHM the first time bc it’s my comfort role. 

- I’m… still not sure exactly how to do the mechanics on the Steps of Faith. Whoops. Fortunately, all but once I was WHM when I got it in roulette and I could just heal/spam Holy. The exception was on DRG and I just kinda… derped around killing what adds I could.

- those cutscenes at the end of 2.5, though. Dude. Duuuuuuude.

- it did give us Pipin Tarupin, however, and he is Best Lala.

- So, like… what exactly did Ysayle expect would happen when she broke Ishguard’s magic wards and opened it to assault by hordes of dragons??She seems genuinely regretful of the innocent lives lost when spoken to in the MSQ later in HW proper, but when she actually did the deed she was channeling ‘deranged witch’ for all it was worth and talking about how the sons should pay for the sins of their fathers. Did this incident give her a rude awakening about the Dravanian desire for vengeance?? Idk, maybe further quests will explain this.

—– me: *just arrives in Ishgard*

—– me: *taking the grand tour of the city*

—– me: *notices mob near cathedral, inquires about it, learns about recent violent death of heretic*

—– me: *finds heretic corpse*

—– me: *derails grand tour of Ishgard by slaughtering my way through the streets and through various chapels, laughing maniacally as I enjoy the greater reach of my brand-new greatsword and spam Unleash*

—– me, standing amid the broken corpses of a few dozen temple knights: Count Fortemps is probably gonna regret letting me into this city.

- that one dude in Camp Cloudtop who’s entirely too obsessed with the menu deserves to be booted off his lookout platform. I’ll even rescue him via flying mount before he splatters on the ground (however far down the ground happens to be, idk), but I really want to kick him off at least once. He gave me far too many fetch quests and my inner Fray is disgruntled, to say the least.

- me, just trying to make my way across the map: WILL EVERYTHING IN COERTHAS STOP CHASING ME???

- other people think the gaelicats are too cute to kill them. I, however, just want to kill them all the more. I’d be perfectly content to leave the mobs alone and continue on my merry way, but, nooooooo, they have to attack me. So I respond in savage kind.

- me, doing sidequest chains and getting mildly attached to extremely minor characters: So, I kinda ship Ayleth and Saintrelmaux now…

- ever since I unlocked it, I get Dusk Vigil all the time in lvling roulette so I’m now an expert on ice age megafauna, undead knights, and murderous griffins of the non-Sloppeh type

- Ravana is my fave HW primal, hands down, and his theme is definitely among my fave primal music. I would say it’s my absolute fave (I have listened to it on repeat for hours at a time, but I’ve done that with other music, so it’s not conclusive evidence) but it has stiff competition in the form of the Ultima theme, Leviathan’s theme, and the Knights of the Round theme.

- going on a life-changing field trip with Alphinaud, Estinien, and Ysayle was amazing. All we needed was Zuko.

- far too many side quests in Tailfeather. Far too many. And that one quest chain ended up with the poor dude’s pet baby chocobo as chicken tenders? If I didn’t hate chickens so much IRL that would have been super painful.

- the moogle quests required to progress the MSQ weren’t that bad. The sheer amount of moogle sidequests needed to unlock flying for that zone and their beast tribe quests, however…. well, I’m completely on board now with any plans Sidurgu might have for utter moogle genocide.

- lol, the moogles were about to give us more chores to do but Estinien’s sheer murderous rage panicked their chieftain into sending us on our way. I love him. (Estinien, that is. Not the moogles. I love to hate them.)

- Estinien is just… I love him so much. It’s more than his armor. It’s more than his jumps. It’s more than his sass and swearing. No stereotypical elf qualities to be found here, folks. Honestly, he could give some elves from The Silmarillion a run for their money, with even his own equivalent of Angband PTSD post-Nidhogg. I also immensely love that he’s a character on a power level similar to the WoL. (I don’t actually enjoy the main character being the most powerful person in the world, without equal. I like someone else being better in at least some ways and that being okay.) Heck, when possessed by Nidhogg he’s the final boss of the expansion + patches. And he lives. (Which is in itself a pretty powerful moment and Alphinaud and the WoL’s desire to save him lifts the whole plot point/theme into something more sublime. It would have been easy to kill him regretfully, both from a Watsonian and a Doylist perspective. The devs had no problems throwing painful deaths at us in this expansion. But we took the harder route. And it was worth it.)

- low-key painful Heavensward moments (bc heavens know there’s enough high-key painful moments): Alberic is extremely worried about his adopted son, whom he last saw nearly possessed by a dragon’s millennium’s worth of hate and rage, and who then vanished in an explosion, but he can’t do anything about it so instead he helps another retired dragoon worry about his own missing daughter

- ngl there was some red herring foreshadowing that the primal Archbishop Thordan planned to summon was actually Halone, the Fury, Goddess of Justice and Patroness of Ishgard. Which would have been badass. But I’m pretty sure Square Enix is going the Dragon Age route of never confirming/denying the presence of the Maker with their Twelve, Halone included, so I deemed it unlikely even as I secretly hoped. A lot of players probably missed these fake hints and would wonder what I’m even talking about. 

- I couldn’t even get mad about all the bad things that happened during the Vault because the characters were juggling Idiot Balls. (1) Aymeric thought his father, who has been consorting with Ascians and plans to summon a primal, could be reasoned with. (2) Aymeric went alone to go reason with him and was correspondingly captured and tortured. (3) We fought three of the twelve Heaven’s Ward in the Vault itself and NO ONE APPARENTLY QUESTIONED WHERE THE OTHER NINE WERE. Plus, said three have clearly already been tempered and are feeding off primal energy for their second forms, even if the mechanics are unknown. Those without the Echo should have promptly skedaddled after rescuing Aymeric. (4) After a dungeon full of ambush mobs, no one thought to secure the little airship landing behind the Vault before arguing with Archbishop Thordan. In Ishgard, city of verticality with its gravity-defying dragoons, personal airplanes, and millennium-long war against flying dragons. Everyone involved should have thought to check the nearby roofs for hostiles. Am I seriously the only person who has ever thought tactically about this situation??? (5) The WoL and Haurchefant rush forward to delay the Archbishop, again without considering the whereabouts of the rest of his presumably also tempered bodyguards or whether any hostiles remain in the building behind us. And so events happened as they did.

- Regula van Hydrus has a cool name and a cool silhouette with that helmet. Better than Varis, anyway. 

- the Vundu are probably my fave HW beast tribe. The moogles are the crafting tribe so Imma do them anyway (and have fun tricking them into doing work) but I’m actually looking forward to the Vundu. I’m just benevolently apathetic towards the Gnath.

- I just, like… did not care about Azys Lla in the slightest. It was more Allagan BS and I hated the map. (I still don’t have it fully explored??? What am I doing??) The ‘terms and conditions’ bit with the node was amusing, but… the entire place got old almost immediately. Finding Tiamat and talking to her with Midgardsormr was the only high point.

- why isn’t there an option to have Hrasevelgr come and talk to Tiamat to persuade her to abandon her self-chosen imprisonment??? Or to have Estinien later come and talk to her to possibly give her Nidhogg’s perspective? Bc I think Nidhogg would have some insight into her situation, definitely. She summoned elder primal Bahamut out of grief at his loss, while Nidhogg launched a millennium-long war out of grief at Ratatoskr’s loss, and now they’ve both abandoned their vengeance. 

- ARF TILL YOU BARF

- idk, man, the Aetherochemical Research Facility is such a weird conglomerate of things for a dugneon. Firstly, you got Allagan tech and machines. Then you got mutant creatures the Allagans made (bc, if it was mad science, then the Allagans were all over it). Then you got Ascians, evil ghosty dudes who laugh evilly and throw standard Evil Ascian Attacks at you before doing the fusion dance from Dragonball Z and becoming a Giant Evil Ascian. Igeyhorm has a feminine voice but is she(?) actually female or is she just presumably possessing a female body? Do Ascians have gender or do they even care about such things? (I am very much Not Thinking about Solus/Emet-Selch reproducing here.) 

- Archbishop Thordan reveals the millennium-old, perfectly preserved corpse of Haldrath, the original Thordan’s dragoon son, with NIDHOGG’S OTHER EYE FUSED INTO THE CORPSE’S CHEST, and, like, no one really comments on it in- or out-of-universe???? What happened??? Haldrath gave up the throne, apparently because he wasn’t 100% on board with his dad’s treachery against Ratatoskr and consequent decision to kill all dragons to maintain power. Dragoons were apparently already a thing at this point (HC: to combat the voidsent infesting Abalathia’s Spine and the mountains between Coerthas and Gridania, e.g. Witches’ Drop), so what happened to Haldrath? Is this explained somewhere and I missed it??? Did Nidhogg hijack his mind? Estinien had Nidhogg’s eyes (both of them, incidentally, which Haldrath didn’t have to deal with) fused to his arm & shoulder but Haldrath had an eye fused to his chest. To his HEART. What happened.

- And then Archbishop Thordan somehow turns Haldrath’s corpse + armor + Nidhogg’s eye into a sword, the primal version of presumably Ascalon, King Thordan’s sword, somehow designing it to eat primal/Ascian aether. And then he kills Lahabrea, which, no great loss there. But it leaves my questions unanswered.

- Thordan + Knights of the Round is such a cool trial, I love it to death and not because it’s easy. It could be as hard as Nidhogg Normal and I’d still love it. I wish I had a static with whom I could do Thordan Ex and other more complicated content.

- finishing that fight and the cutscenes after, however… man, I didn’t know how to feel. I was screaming internally and torn in at least three different directions. Couldn’t get through the patch content fast enough to fight Nidhogg.

- had to fight Raubahn as DRG to represent my decimated Knights Dragoon brethren and my missing possessed dragoon brother and restore their honor. I’m also 100% convinced Raubahn learned of Ifrit’s nail trick and decided, “I can totally do that with Tizona.”

- has Aymeric ever done a dragoon jump? No? Then he’s not a real Azure Dragoon even if he has a nice color scheme and has ridden a dragon. I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if he can do a dragoon jump (he’s survived years as Estinien’s friend somehow, and I can’t help but imagine he’s dragged Estinien off more than one rooftop), but until he does it I’m not budging on this. 

- Aymeric getting stabbed by a rando with a pocketknife and nearly dying was (1) surprisingly realistic and (2) made him look wimpy next to all the punishment so many of the other characters take without dying. Sorry, man. It had to be said. I love you, Aymeric, but still.

- standing there on the Final Steps of Faith, on the broken bridge to the Gate of Judgment, staring down Nidhogg while that beautiful music plays (TELL ME WHY BREAK TRUST, WHY TURN THE PAST TO DUST) and waiting for the queue to pop… that was a powerful emotion unlike any other. Stormblood couldn’t match it.

- Nidhogg is such a fun fight because it’s still hard and I hate that I don’t get it in trial roulette more often. (Trial roulette is my favorite, actually. I love almost all trials - with the notable exception of the Chrysalis bc everyone runs around like chickens with their heads cut off on it and rages in chat, and with the possible exception of non-Final Steps of Faith.) Akh Morn is still a killer, I sometimes just want to watch bodies hit the floor, and Final Chorus is such a badass moment even as we’re all dodging for our puny lives. We’re fighting Bahamut’s brother. 

- Estinien takes advantage of Nidhogg’s temporary aether depletion to regain enough control over his body to try to kill himself before being used to wreak any more havoc. Estinien survived weeks, possibly months of possession via ancient angry dragon, and having two giant dragon eyeballs embedded in his body and feeding him enormous amounts of foreign aether. Estinien survived his body being aetherically remade into the shape of an enormous dragon and then into a giant dragon-man hybrid. Estinien survived the Warrior of Light. IMHO he doesn’t get enough credit for this. 

- do u ever wonder about Hraesvelgr and Estinien later meeting and Hraesvelgr identifying the spirit of his brother lingering within Estinien? Bc I think a lot of us have headcanon’d that Estinien is not as free of Nidhogg as one might think, what with his red fiery aura in SB and all. On the other hand… some of us further theorize that Estinien can’t be tempered now, so he could help us fight primals. It’d be awesome.