#//though she doesn't do much with all her training as overwhelmed as she got in the past from certain events >:3c//

[ceesimz]

Wallflower

Autistic Reader x Barça Femení

The main story can be found here, this is just a small one shot I had the idea for :)

Birthdays. What a massive inconvenience.

Actually, scratch that. You enjoyed other people's birthdays, just not your own. In fact, it was your worst nightmare. One of the most dreaded days of the year.

Having all of the attention on you? Having gifts and envelopes and surprises forced your way? People singing to you? God, it made you sick to your stomach just thinking about it.

Not to sound ungrateful, of course. The idea that people liked you enough to make a fuss of you did spark something in your heart, but it was too much. In the nicest way possible, it was utterly overwhelming, and often at some point during the day, there would be tears. Possibly a shutdown too, or  even a meltdown of some kind. 

All in all, it was a terrifying experience no matter how you spent it.

Now double that, triple it again, multiply it by ten, and that's how it felt waking up on your first birthday at Barcelona. 

For the whole month so far, you had near enough begged Ingrid to make sure the team doesn't do anything excessive. You needed the day to be as normal as possible, just so you could get through it. And to be fair to her, with a sad smile, she had promised that your wishes would be met. 

So waking up alone to an empty flat on the dreaded day was both calming and uncomfortable. You'd asked for it, obviously, so had to get over it. You showered, got dressed into your training gear, and sat down on the sofa whilst waiting for Ingrid to arrive. Again, it was just like any other day. If you ignored the way your phone vibrated every few minutes, that is. And the stomach-churning anxiety that only increased as time went on.

There was a knock on the door and, expecting it to be Ingrid, you shouted for her to come in. Except, it wasn't her. Though you couldn't really be too disgruntled by the surprise guest.

“Good morning, cariño. Can I come in?” Alexia peered around the door cautiously, smiling hopefully over at you. 

With a solemn nod, she quickly stepped in and closed the door behind her. In her arms was a bouquet containing some of the flowers you had gawked at way back when on your first date with her. That was a few weeks ago now, and being in the early stages of a relationship did have its difficulties, but only due to the adjustment of it. Everything else was, well, perfect. Alexia was perfect. 

But having her, your girlfriend, show up unannounced on your birthday wasn't the worst thing in the world, you supposed.

“Is it okay that I'm here?” She asked nervously, pausing a few feet away from you.

“It is.” You smiled shyly up at her, standing so you could greet her properly. 

In an instant, there was a cheesy grin on her face, and she placed the flowers down gently on your coffee table before lifting you off the ground into a tight hug.

“Happy birthday, mi amor.” She whispered before scattering light kisses from your neck, up to your cheek, down along your jaw, and reaching her final destination, sealing her greeting with a soft kiss to your lips. “How are you feeling?”

“Stressed. Anxious.” You laughed nervously, leaning into her hand when she puts you down and cups your cheek.

“That’s okay. I… I haven’t made you feel worse by showing up, right? I can go if you would prefer.” With a silent shake of your head, you wrapped your arms back around her and buried your face in her shoulder. She smiled and happily complied, keeping you close to her. “Then I will stay.”

“I’m really glad you came.” You stated, slightly muffled by the material of her jumper. “Thank you.”

“No, no need to thank me. It is my girlfriend's birthday, and I will always show up for her if she lets me.” 

She voiced her determination to love you, even though those three words hadn't been said aloud by either of you yet. You were sure of it; the warmth you got in your chest was the first time an all-consuming feeling didn't feel quite so terrifying. It was at first, the initial realisation was something that kept you up at night for a few days, until one morning it clicked and all that was left was serenity and security in your feelings. Telling her such was an entirely different challenge.

After her latest admission, it took everything in you to keep those words inside rather than spilling straight out.

“Will you drive me to training?” You asked, seemingly out of nowhere. But, with so much running through your mind, so much weighing on you today, it was easier to stick to the simpler things rather than focus on all the stuff that’s overwhelming in that moment. The day still felt like a mountainous obstacle to get over, hence your need for simplicity and slight dissociative nature. 

“Of course. Have Mapi and Ingrid been yet?” Alexia said, watching as you pulled away and slumped down onto the sofa again, your legs pressed up against your chest and your arms folding around them. You shook your head no, to which she nodded and collected the flowers again to put them in a vase.

“Thank you for the flowers, Ale.” You mumbled, resting your chin on your knee whilst watching her and fidgeting with the TV remote. She smiled over at you from the kitchen before turning back to the bouquet, spreading some of the flowers out a little and leaving them on the kitchen counter. 

Another thing about your birthday, though it had only developed once you got into your teenage years, was that receiving gifts from people caused a lot of anxiety. When the dust settled, the sentiment behind each gift one was something you treasured. But getting them and opening them was an event you worried about much more than the average person- was your reaction what they wanted? Did you thank them enough? Did you come across as rude and ungrateful? There was just too much to think about.

With Alexia, you didn’t have to stress about any of those things. She was great at reading you by now, she knew what version she would get and when. And yet, her adoration still never faltered. You had come to know her just as well as she knew you, so you were sure she had gotten you other presents than just a bouquet of flowers (though they were more than enough for you) and that she was just waiting for the right time to give you her proper gifts. That, you were grateful for. 

“De nada, amor.” Alexia murmured as she sat down beside you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. Instantly, you curled into her side, smiling when her lips pressed against your temple in a soft kiss. “Training will be okay, you know. I understand it is the unknown that makes you anxious, but once you have a ball at your feet, it will all calm down. Try to remind yourself that, okay?”

“I just hate the anticipation, the waiting. Want to get it over and done with.” You sighed, relishing in the comfort Alexia provides just by being beside you.

“I know. Time isn’t kind.” Alexia whispered, taking one of your hands with her free one and squeezing it. “You wanna skip breakfast at training?”

You raised your head quickly at her question, not even knowing that idea was a possibility.

“People won’t be mad if I do? That I won’t be there?” You checked, because if you could get away with doing such a thing, it’d get rid of a mighty chunk of your worries.

Being seated in the canteen with everyone at Barcelona on the one day dedicated to you was terrifying really. There would be expectations, possible celebrations, and the eyes of everyone would surely be on you. They meant well, you knew that of course, but that unfortunately didn’t make it any less frightening. Breakfast was a social event, for some hell-sent reason, whereas training was a professional setting, it was work. Avoiding it altogether would be a dream, except you know the mass disappointment it’d cause. And everybody knows how that ends.

“No one would be mad, cariño. They would understand.” Alexia physically felt the tension leave you under her hands at that, your body deflating as you let out a breath of relief. You moved to wrap your arms around Alexia’s torso then, and leaned up to kiss her cheek.

“Thank you, Ale. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” You said, punctuated with yet more kisses.

All those weeks ago, Alexia had been right. Having someone by your side did make a lot of things so much easier. It was like night and day. You recognised the difference in yourself since you had met her, and you never knew it was possible for you to grow like this. With the move from Germany to Spain, you were well aware that there would be some changes for you, but the unknown came into play again. Would those changes be progression or regression? Evidently, and to your relief, it was progression. Your dream of thriving here was fast on its way to becoming true.

“Feliz cumpleaños, preciosa!” A certain Spaniard bellowed the second she opened your door, giving you and Alexia slight heart attacks.

“Mapi, dios mío! Why!?” Alexia groaned, you giggling beside her as you could hear her heart racing at the jumpscare so kindly given by the shorter woman.

“I warned her, she did not listen.” Ingrid sighed with feigned annoyance, but the second she looked over at you, there was a beaming smile on her face. “Come here, søster!”

Sheepishly, you unwound yourself from Alexia’s hold and walked over to Ingrid, laughing when she squished your cheeks together and kissed your forehead before embracing you tightly.

“Happy birthday!” Ingrid squealed, grunting when her girlfriend’s gangly arms flung around you both. Mapi squeezed you both together before looking over at Alexia who was watching the interaction fondly, still seated on the sofa.

“Ale, come join.” Mapi demanded, only for her to shake her head and wave the defender off. Mapi wasn’t having it though. She left the hug for a moment and grabbed her friend by the wrist to drag her over, before manually moving Alexia’s arms to wrap around the three of you. “Stop being a party pooper, Alexia. Get that grumpy look off your face, we know you are enjoying this.”

“Yeah, Ale.” You looked to your side at her with a teasing smile, the love radiating off of the both of you when your eyes met. Ingrid could feel it, Mapi could feel it. You were possibly the only two in the world opting out of acknowledging it.

After the impromptu group hug, Ingrid went over to the bag she had brought and unpacked a load of your favourite pastries. You knew she was making them for you, but in your anxious daze of the morning so far you’d entirely forgotten about them. The way your face lit up at the sight was enough for Ingrid’s day to be made and for Alexia’s heart to run wild in her chest. All four of you sat down at the dining table to share them since Ingrid had made enough for everybody, and like always you mostly stayed quiet and let the other three carry the conversation. You’d drop in every now and then, but most of the time you just liked to listen. They all knew that by now and were more than happy to keep the chat flowing, until it was time to leave for training.

Having Alexia drive you there had its advantages and disadvantages, and you were well versed with them by now. Being a passenger meant you were free to get caught up in your thoughts, which could either go really well or really bad. Meanwhile, being the driver meant you had to focus on the road, forcing the doubts to be silent. Yet, sometimes not having the chance to mentally work through what was stressing you out only made the situation worse.

In this instance, you had no time for overthinking when Alexia was emphatically singing along to any song that played on the radio, keeping you entertained and distracted for pretty much the whole journey.

It was a completely different story once you arrived though.

Alexia near enough had to lead you through the building and into the locker room, her hand on your back as a comforting reminder. Thankfully you managed to get there without bumping into anyone since the pair of you were some of the first to arrive. The only teammates you had seen so far were Ona, Aitana, and Jana, but they hadn’t seen you. Alexia had laughed when you ducked behind her dramatically, using her as a cover to stay hidden as they walked ahead of you both. They took a left turn to go to the canteen, whilst you headed in the other direction. 

You sat down at your cubby and slumped back against the wall, body sagging with relief. Alexia smiled softly and took her seat a few down the line, and the pair of you both booted up in comfortable silence. 

Being captain of the team, the midfielder obviously had the authority to get her team to listen to her. Without making much of a deal out of it, herself and Ingrid had discreetly gone around the team to ensure there were no surprises or big occasions prepared without your knowledge. Instead, they were taking a much more low-key approach that they hoped would convey just how overjoyed they were to have you on their team.

She sat not too far from you with the knowledge of what the surprise was, and she was probably the most excited out of the lot for you to receive it. It was nothing big, in fact most of the team worried it was too little, but having known you for so long Ingrid had reassured them there wasn’t really anything you would appreciate more than the gesture they had in mind. Some of the members you were slightly closer with had decided on small gifts of their own they would give to you in their own time, but for today, they would stick with their collective plan and hope for the best. 

“You ready for me to beat you at free-kicks?” Alexia grinned once she was ready, standing as she tied her hair back into her usual updo.

“I’ve beat you the last two times we’ve done this, I wouldn’t get too cocky.” You smirked, squirming when she squeezed your sides as you walked past her. “Plus, it’s my birthday.”

“Oh no, you don’t get to pull that card. I’m definitely going to win now.”

For just over half an hour, you got invested in a free-kick contest with none other than La Reina herself. It had become somewhat of a tradition now, to the point where you had even made a points system for it. The further out you went, or the harder the angle, the more points you scored. A few months back, after Alexia had caught you once again avoiding breakfast, she had suggested the pair of you practise free-kicks after she had missed one in the game before that day. It quickly became a thing for you both, getting so competitive with each other and scoring goal after goal in the secluded morning sessions together, that a points system just had to be introduced after two draws in a row. Neither of you had looked back since. Those moments together, with a ball at your feet and the quiet company of the other, had become something you both looked forward to. 

Unfortunately, Alexia beat you this time, by just one point. One. And she was gloating like she’d gotten another Ballon d’Or.

“I told you, cariño. Just because it is your day doesn’t mean I will go easy on you.” She shrugged arrogantly, wandering back over to where you stood with your arms crossed petulantly over your chest. She grinned at the unimpressed look on your face, raising a hand to poke at the corner of your mouth. “Smile, amor!”

With a scoff, you swatted her hand away and turned to walk over to where your drink lay on the sidelines. Not a second later, you heard her jogging after you before two arms wound around your waist and a chin rested on your shoulder.

“You know I should have won that. You put me off.” You grumbled, referring to the moment she had crept up behind you and made a weird noise right by your ear just as you stepped off to take the kick.

“No no no, there was just a bug on your shoulder. I had to protect my girlfriend.” She said, grunting when you lightly jabbed your elbow back into her stomach.

“Protect me from what? A tiny fly? You are the only irritating little bug I need saving from.” You argued. As you picked up your own bottle, you got Alexia’s too, only you dropped it purposely when she went to take it from you. “What comes around, goes around, Alexia.”

Alexia wasn’t quick enough to come up with her own payback before the rest of the team started filing out for the actual training session. First came Esmee on her own, who, at the sight of you, immediately lit up and came over. Quietly, without making too much of a fuss, she wished you a happy birthday before hugging you. She was just as shy as you sometimes, so she left it at that. Ultimately though, being on a team of people that mostly came from affectionate countries, they all couldn’t resist. Funnily enough, you didn’t hate it. The hugs, the well wishes, the toothy grins sent your way, the cheek kisses and pats on the back were welcomed. It wasn’t overbearing, or too much, it made you feel… loved. And appreciated.

For the first time in your career, it didn't feel entirely fake either. Not that your other teams didn’t shower you in their gratitude, but it always felt like there was a barrier between you and them. Like you weren’t fully with them. You knew exactly why it felt like that, but not an ounce of you was prepared to solve it. This time around, that blockade wasn’t there. They knew you, not a facade, and still they willingly conveyed their feelings towards you. Quickly you were learning that this was the right way to live. Not like you had in the past, where you weren’t even half of your true self.

Living unapologetically as yourself was freeing. You couldn’t go back if you tried.

As always, you loved training. It was equal parts light-hearted and competitive, the perfect combination. Everybody was playing well, feeling well, and it was evident on everyone’s face. Not a moment passed without everybody smiling or laughing. Even during the gruelling seven-a-side game at the end. During a brief reprieve from the tight match where you were stood on the sidelines, watching on, it gave a moment of clarity. You did belong here. 

“Has Ale given you your presents yet?” Aitana joined you with a smile on her face, but you looked down at her in confusion. “Ah, I see. She hasn’t. Well, take it from me, they are really cool. You will love them.”

“What are they?” You tried to get it out of her, but obviously she wasn’t letting up that easily.

“You will see! I am not spoiling it.” She laughed. “Tell me when she has, I have to talk about them with you.”

“How do you know what they are?” You wondered, only for her to shrug slyly.

“You just have to find out. Go on! You’re being called back in.” She shooed you away, smiling again when you shake your head at her antics.

The game didn’t go on for much longer before the end of training was called. On the way in, you were watching Pina and Vicky spray each other with the remainders of their drinks, laughing when one of them accidentally sprayed Marta. Before you knew it, all of the ‘class clowns’ were chasing the team around with the ice cold liquids, and you found yourself at the centre of it. Apparently, turning 27 meant getting doused in sports drinks, because by the time you were back in the locker room, your shirt was mostly damp.

Alexia had stuck to the back of the group with Patri who had unusually opted out of joining in, though it wasn’t something you picked up on. The two were talking calmly as if there wasn’t a full blown water fight ahead of them, but Alexia knew Patri was itching to join in. What caused her to stay out of it though was very important to her. 

“Hey.” She came over to you in the locker room with a spare towel for you to somewhat dry yourself off with, another item hidden behind her back. “I have something else for you.”

You could tell everybody in the room was fighting to keep their eyes averted, but their curiosity got the better of them. After all, it was a small token of appreciation from everybody.

“Oh, okay. Sure, what is it?” You forced a smile, but below the surface, Ingrid and Alexia could tell there were alarm bells going off in your mind.

“Well it is your birthday, and though you said you don’t want to make a big deal of it, we couldn’t let it go under the radar. This is just something small from all of us.” Patri revealed an envelope in her hand and held it out for you. Your name was written on the front, as well as a huge smiley face.

“You don’t have to open it now, in front of everyone, don’t worry. Look at it in your own time, that’s more than okay.” The midfielder smiled her bright smile at you, squeezing your shoulder before heading back to her cubby. 

It was then that Alexia came over, standing beside you when you turned back to your space.

“Was that alright?” Alexia murmured quietly. Everybody else was back to doing their own thing now, giving you two the privacy you probably needed.

“Yes, just unexpected.” You said, eyes still staring at the yellow envelope.

“I know. Like Patri said, you don’t have to open it now. You can look at it whenever, it’s fine. Okay?” She checked, smiling in relief when you looked up at her and nodded.

“Did you do this?” You wondered. Instantly, there was a redness to her cheeks that couldn’t be blamed on the weather or the training session beforehand.

“I may have played a part in it. But it was the other guys’ idea. I just approved it.” She shrugged nonchalantly. “You showering?”

“Yep. When I get out, I’ll look at it.”

You liked taking your time in the shower post-workout, whether that be training or a game or even just a 5k jog. By the time you got out, most of the team had left. It was just Alexia sat there on her own, scrolling through her phone whilst she waited for you. One of her legs was bouncing up and down, and you weren’t sure if that was a sign of anything or not.

“Ale?” You got her attention as you dropped your towel and training kit down into your locker, now dressed in comfy sweats and a t-shirt.

“Mhm?”

“I’m going to open the envelope now.” You stated shyly. She tried to disguise the excitement on her face, but she didn’t do a great job. It didn’t really help your nerves, but there were worse audiences to do it in front of.

“Absolutely, go for it.”

Shaking hands tore open the paper, revealing a birthday card. What was in it, though, made it much more than just a card.

On both pages inside were personal messages from every member of the team. From Cata, to Irene, to Salma, and even Alexia. From the first one you read, there were tears in your eyes. Alexia could read you well, but she wasn’t perfect yet.

“Amor? Are you not happy?” She asked nervously, coming over to you. You shook your head, only worrying her further, before burying your face in her chest. “I’m so sorry you don’t like it. I’m so so sorry. I-”

“No, I love it. I really, really love it.” 

Every message was personal, not just a generic one. Whether it contained an inside joke or a compliment, you couldn’t have imagined they thought these things about you. They weren’t saying things for the sake of a congratulatory message, or just to come across as kind, they were deeply meaningful and thought-out. From Mapi’s teasing message that was filled with love, to Frido’s reminder of the car park fiasco and how she signed it as ‘cupid’, to Aitana’s that relayed the memory of your first goal, signifying it wasn’t just a special moment for you but for her too. 

You were left speechless. All you could do was read it again and again and again, something you know you’d be doing for the rest of your life. You’d get it framed if it was socially acceptable. 

The idea, no, the fact that these people, Ballon d’Or winners, World Cup winners, Euros winners, the people you held at such a high regard like this. It was almost unimaginable, if it wasn’t written right in front of your eyes. If the months beforehand hadn’t shown you how important it was to be vulnerable and open and honest, this gesture sealed that decision and was all the proof you needed that everything that had led you to this moment, the good and the awful, was undoubtedly worth it. 

You were part of a record breaking team, sure, but it was the people in it that made your personal dreams come true.

“I wrote my message last so that nobody saw me being soft.” Alexia admitted, making you giggle as you read hers. “So you are okay with it?”

“Okay with it? Alexia, this is the best gift I’ve ever gotten.” You said, placing the card down and embracing her tightly. “Thank you. I need to thank everyone, but thank you.” 

“I’m glad.” She whispered. “There was one issue on my behalf though.” 

“What?” You wondered, leaning back and looking up at her with a frown.

“I was too scared to write how I truly felt.” Well fuck, if that didn’t make your heart drop and your stomach churn.

“Ale, what do you mean?” You said quietly, taking a step back from her. She chuckled nervously, scratching the back of her neck.

“I… wanted to write that I love you in it, but I didn’t want to ruin the card.” 

It took a few moments for your mind to settle at that proclamation, but eventually it did. It left Alexia stood there, looking terrified though.

Your first thought, once the commotion had settled in your mind, was that you were utterly in love with her too. You kind of thought you’d known that the day she took care of you when you collapsed in training. Your second thought was, why would that ruin the card?

“Ale, you’re such a dork.” You laughed. Okay, maybe not the best reaction. “You must know that I love you too, right?”

“You do?” Alexia asked in a childlike wonder, as if all her wildest dreams were coming true. “You sure?”

“I feel like I should be the one asking you that.” You said. Any further doubts that began to creep in were immediately cut off when she cradled your face and kissed you. Just like you did to her during your first kiss.

“I love you, cariño, and I will not have you worrying otherwise. I really love you.” Alexia breathed out, as if a weight had lifted from her shoulders.

“I really love you, too.” You stated shyly, gazing up into the eyes you'd come to love, only to see sincerity and mirth swirling in the hazel of her orbs. She wasn't kidding, this wasn't some evil birthday prank, she actually was in love with you.

It certainly wasn't a gift you were expecting, but it topped them all indefinitely. Frankly, it was hard to process. Hard to comprehend. How someone of her stature could love a person like you. But, seemingly so, it would have to be something you came to terms with. Because she was stood before you, professing exactly how she felt, and when she gave such a brave show like that, it'd be cruel to reject her.

Except, there was one question you had.

“Was that the gift that Aitana mentioned?” 

“What? No!” Alexia tutted, rolling her eyes affectionately as you grinned. “Your actual gifts are in the boot of my car, in the cardboard box I told you was full of old Barça kits.”

That wasn't a total lie. In the aforementioned box, there were old kits in there, but they weren't all Barça ones. They were real, match-worn shirts from not only Alexia's collection she'd made over the years, but from Aitana's, and Mapi’s, and a few of Alexia's ex-teammates turned good friends. They ranged from international jerseys, like the USWNT jersey with Christen Press' name and number, as well as one of Christine Sinclair's Canada shirts. Not to mention the array of club kits. There were loads of them, god knows how valuable they all were, but you adored every single one. Your personal favourite was Alexia's old Barça shirt from her first season in 2012, one of your favourite designs from Barcelona as a whole.

The fact that Alexia had listened to your stories of when you were younger where you were crazy for any kind of memorabilia, even going as far as asking her friends for their shirts, was a notion you couldn't begin to understand. To be loved is to be heard, and Alexia had taken that phrase and ran with it. You gazed at each shirt, having laid them out across your bed to send a video to Ingrid (and Aitana, of course), but for a while you just stared at them. 

Alexia stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame with her arms crossed, a proud smile on her face. She knew she had done a good job, but seeing you geek out like you were over them was so endearing, she couldn't help but fall further in love. It was her mission to show you a life of joy and compassion, and in her professional opinion, she'd made a damn good start.

Her love for you was woven through the fabric of the jerseys she had gifted. Your approval of that fact was shown in the way you barely let her out of your hold for the rest of the evening, even as you slept that night. 

The be all and end all of everything was written into the bonds formed with people in the world, and yours with Alexia was enough reason to wake up everyday with a smile on your face and contentment in your heart. The essence of your existence was not limited to the three words of your medical diagnosis, but rather the three words that were whispered in your ear the moment you opened your eyes in the morning and the moment you closed them at night.

Maybe birthdays didn’t have to be so bad after all.

[prettyforwoso]

Flare up

Lucy Bronze x Endometriosis Reader

MASTERLIST

Summary: Lucy leaves early one morning, unaware that today would be different. Living with endometriosis is a relentless battle, but with Lucy's touch, even the worst days become bearable. As the day progressed, the pain became unbearable, leaving you stranded on the cold bathroom floor, unable to move. When Lucy returns home and finds you in agony, she doesn't hesitate.

I got a request for something like this that i really liked, so stay tuned.

Lucy left early this morning. She wouldn’t have if it was this bad from the start. Usually a flare up would have been long gone by now. 

Living life with endometriosis is like a rollercoaster- one second everything is fine, the next, you’re on your bathroom floor unable to move. Most morning after you and Lucy were intimate you had pain, it never lasted long though. She would run you a bath or help you shower, then make you breakfast and flood you with love and affection, and it would all be okay soon enough. 

That's how today started. 

You knew after last night that when you woke this morning, there would be pain. That didn't scare you however, as that was expected and you knew Lucy would look after you. 

…

It was early, 7am when you opened your eyes to see Lucy kneeling on the side of the bed, looking at you. “Good Morning beautiful girl,” she said, as she pressed a kiss between your brows. “How's the pain?” she continued, breaking contact with your face. 

You didn’t reply, instead pulled your hand out from the warmth that was your blanket and grabbed one of her hands. You tilted your head upwards and placed her hand between your face and mattress, leaning into her palm. Lucy smiled at your act, always wanting to be close to each other. You opened your eyes and stared at her, she didn't break, staring lasers into your eyes, so hard you could swear you could feel yourself burning with fire. 

“How's the pain baby?” she asked again, caressing your warm cheek with the thumb of the hand you stole. 

“It’s not that bad actually” you reply, closing your eyes and leaning more into her hand. Her hands held so much comfort. Anytime you got the chance, you would grab them and put them on your body, typically on your face. You could relax your whole body into her hands, knowing that she was holding onto and that you had contact with her. When her hands were on you, the world could go quiet, as all that was built up could just fade away from just her touch. Lucy knew this too. Lucy held you when she knew you were stressed, or when you were overwhelmed. Her favorite time to hold you was when your brain is fucked out and you’re looking so pretty, pressed down on the bed or held tight in her lap. Lucy absolutely adores you. 

“Can I help you shower my love?” she follows up, this was usually the practice after sex. “I think I want to stay in bed for a bit Luce, I’ll shower later when you're at training” you answered, eyes still closed as you roll over, leaving her hand abandoned. Lucy tilted her head with a loving smile, her other hand came and reached for the back of your head, twisting itself in your curls. “Ok, call me if you need me” she says, as she kissed your head and inhales your scent. “I love you baby” 

“I love you too Lucy”

…

You wish more than anything that you took Lucy up on her offer to help you shower. The tiles under your skin are not getting any warmer, the bright white lights are not getting any dimmer, no matter how long you lay here for. It's never been this bad. The idea of a shower- or even a pad is long gone. 

Breathing is becoming harder, the pain in your abdomen is becoming even more unbearable than before. Everything is so dull on the bathroom floor. Your mind runs through all the things you could be doing right now. Living, exploring the city, cooking new foods, instead you are stuck on the bathroom floor, no strength to get up and call your wife. 

The pain feels like fresh stitches getting slowly ripped out. Tears are suddenly swelling in your eyes, leaking down your cheeks. You crave her hands, whipping them away, her kissing you and telling you how brave you are, that everything will be okay. 

You wish she was here. She would pick you, hold you in her arms, kiss you everywhere. 

…

You had fallen back asleep soon after Lucy left for training. Falling back into the cozy rest of her side of the bed. This peace didn't last long however, it was too soon interrupted by the feeling of being stabbed in the abdomen. 

Fuck. Fuck.

A shower always helps. I'll take a shower. You think 

You wish you had taken Lucy's pillow and the blanket with you, then it wouldn't feel so lonely here on the floor, waiting for time to pass. 

…

Training was coming to an end and Lucy was keen to get home to her girl as soon as possible. Quickly into the car and on the road, she was on her way. 

“Hey Siri, Text (Y/N). I’m on my way home” Lucy says into her car speaker. 

sent 

You hear your phone ding from where you left it on the bed. It makes you cry more, realizing how much time has passed, knowing that you can’t reach it. The swell of your tears fill your eyes, your vision goes blurry before it goes black. Your body screams with pain before it goes numb. 

…

It's her keys in the door that pulls you out of the deep darkness. 

You can hear her calling your name, searching for you. You hope she has put two and two together and knows that you are having a flare up, simply so she's not shocked when she finds you on the bathroom floor. 

This won't be the first time she finds you here. In fact just one of the many. Even the first time, she was calm, almost like she knew exactly what you needed at that moment. Like she took notes on everything you had told her about your condition leading up to that moment. No matter how crazy and weird flare ups feel to you, Lucy always stays calm, keeping you awake and present as she helps you. 

The door from the bedroom into the bathroom is open, Lucy can see you the second she walks into the bedroom. In your mind she walked calmly to you, in hers she ran. 

“Baby, hey sweetheart. It's me” Lucy kneels on the ground and bends to see your face. She takes a breath when she sees you tear stained cheeks becoming redder with more tears. 

Quickly she moves your upper body so that your head is laying in her lap. “Baby, let me see your face” she says as she gently moves your face so you look towards the ceiling. 

“Lucy I’m so sorry” you choke out, fighting the flow of tears. 

She sighs.

“You don’t have to apologize to me baby”

“You shouldn't have to come home to this!” you say, throwing your hands in the air. “You work so hard everyday. You should be able to come home to a clean house and dinner. Not your wife on the bathroom floor.” The tears take over as you try to finish your sentence. “I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this” 

Lucy sighs and presses her lips into a smile. “I will never, even for a second, agree with you” she begins. “My love. You are so strong, you give me everything, I am so lucky to have you in my life. I don't know what I would do without you.” You are not the only one crying now. 

Lucy's hands are on your cheeks. You lean into them and find comfort. 

Your eyes close as one of her hands leaves your face and finds the tap of the bath. Warm water runs into the tub as the pair of you sit in silence, waiting for it to fill. 

…

The long silence is broken by Lucy's words. You force your eyes open. 

“Okay, let's get you up sweetheart. How's the pain?” She asks as she takes the lead on removing your pajamas that you had been rotting in all day. 

“It’s so bad Lucy…omg I feel like I’m dying” you reply, gentally lifting your hips as she lifts you up. 

“This will help” She slowly guides your naked body into the warm water. She's right, you physically feel yourself relax. Lucy stands and looks down at your body in the water as she begins to strip. Soon enough she is laying your body back onto hers in the warm comforting water. 

Her hand finds your face through the guidance of your own, you lean into her. “Why didn’t you call me darling?” she asks, looking up at the ceiling. 

Your answer is simple “My phone was in my room” you begin “I couldn’t get to it”

Lucy tilts her head and you slowly roll over, pressing your face to her bare chest and speaking again. “I would have, I promise”. 

Lucy seems unsatisfied. “Well we will need to solve that” She speaks. “I won’t be able to even think at training if I know that there is a chance you are stuck on the bathroom floor” 

Lucy seems calm to you. In her own head she's mentally logging your symptoms and checking your pulse is consistent. She knows however, that in moments like these you need to remain unstressed. And when Lucy is stressed, you are stressed. 

You begin to zone out as Lucy verbally brainstorms ways around this happening again. 

The water is still around your naked bodies. Alarm bells begin to ring in your mind when you realize that you physically cannot move your body. Not because of pain this time, but because you have gone so numb. “Luce babe, I can’t move” 

… 

She holds you tighter as you cry. Lucy knows how much you hate the hospital, but it is becoming more and more unavoidable every second. You lay there, still as a log in her arms under the sheets. 

Lucy had to carry you out of the bath and get you changed into clean pajamas, she tried to get you some food but you threw up everything you ate, the numbness was gone, it was simply just pain now. 

“Sweetheart I think we need to call an Ambulance” she whispers, knowing it would only make you cry harder. She was right, you sobbed, knowing her statement was true, she wasn’t going to let you say no this time. 

“Ok” You whisper between cries. 

“Ok.”

i might MIGHT make a part 2 though i think this is SHITE

[l-in-the-light]

Trafalgar Law and shreds of closeness part 3: Donquixote Family Edition

What can I say, I got struck with inspiration yet again, the thoughts just do not want to leave me. This time it will get dark. And it will hurt, so feel warned. I will take a closer look at Law's closeness to the Donquixote Family and also do a small case study of affection between Doffy and Cora and their dad as well, to get a fuller context. Main focus will be on physical affection, yet again.

So what do you think, did Law get support and affection from his "second family"? I would say, very little. But let's look at evidence:

We have verbal support from Doflamingo himself when Giolla and Buffalo start to fear to touch Law or to even stay in the same room after they learn he's sick. That's 1:0 for him, I'm sure Law appreciated and remembered it. In retrospection, it would have been better for him if he didn't.

Then we have Giolla and Machvise who handled him like he's an object. Giolla keeps touching Law on the head, probably not caring why he seems displeased with it. She's just reinforcing the trauma, but I think overall she means well, she just doesn't think much about it. Giolla also shows Law the most physical affection and I swear it feels like she's trying to make up for her initial reaction, she's just not going the right way about it, making it worse instead.

Meanwhile we have Doflamingo, who despite defending Law before, never touches him. And I mean, never ever. Doffy remains cold not only with Law though, which we will see in a moment.

And then we have Baby5. She feels sorry for Law and even cried for him when she heard the story of Flevance (not in Law's presence tho), but she herself is bad with affection and care, because she also never received much, it also doesn't help that she is genuinely scared of Law's angry glares. All she can do to show him she cares is to smack and scold him. And of course when she does smack him it's on the head, which only becomes a trauma trigger over and over again. Those two just completely miss each other by a mile.

That's it. No other Donquixote Family's member ever tried to show some care in front of Law. They train him of course, but would you count kicking and punching him as a positive experience? Yeah, I don't think so.

And let's not forget Corazon, who carried Law like a bag of potatoes (and threw him around) for a long time, even after he kidnapped him. The Trip to Hospitals All Around the World kinda made him become better, holding Law close, trying to make him smile, carrying him all the time and at one point he even begs Law: "please give me the chance to do things right, stay strong for 3 more weeks!". Doesn't change the fact the touches he did give Law at the beginning were brutalized forms of affection, and we can't really forget that fact: that's exactly how Law's trauma of being touched on the head even started in the first place.

He already trained for awhile, but he still failed in the confrontation, and I think it was because of the touch. Being pinned down made Law probably freeze and unable to move. But even after being saved by Doflamingo, Law doesn't even try to seek support in him, unlike Baby5. Here we can see Doflamingo is alright if someone seeks comfort in him, but he will not give it by himself. That makes Doflamingo-Law combo the worst possible match up, a person who will never give it first and a person who will never ask for it, no wonder things were always cold between them.

Thanks to the fight against Smoker in Punk Hazard we learn that Law managed to overcome his trauma of being pinned down to a significant degree, because he manages to escape on his own. This scene gets an extra focus in the manga (it takes like 5 different frames!) which further convinces me it's that siginifcant. Law probably trained himself not to get overwhelmed like that ever again. Still, I can't help but notice soon after this happened Law starts to have troubles breathing, which means it still didn't leave him unaffected. He pushes to finish the fight faster afterwards as well.

One of his trauma triggers is feeling helpless and being pinned down definitely counts for that. I don't think this started with Vergo, I would say it was already a thing after Flevance, when he had to discover more and more dead bodies of people dearest to him, unable to do anything about it.

Let's look at his symptoms thanks to which we can recognize he's going through a triggering situation. Visible shivering, heavy panting (to the point of weezing which makes me think it can even go as far as bordering on hyperventilation or the opposite - apnea). And then in the last image he just goes stiff which I interpret as him completely freezing up. Damn, that's actually a lot. It's very similar to Robin's trauma responses in Water 7.

You can also notice that Law clenches his fists and it seems to be a sign that he's struggling or forcing himself to be strong. He still does it *a lot* when he's an adult. I think it might have honestly became a habit. He does that just before a battle, in most stressful situations when he knows he can't show his emotions (or just doesn't want to), and well, if we go by the anime version, also when he leaves Wano with his own crew. Basically any time he makes a firm resolve or a hard decision, he also does that. I swear sometimes it feels like he struggles for half of the Dressrosa and Punk Hazard, which you know what, might be way too accurate.

Also bonus wholesome points for Luffy caring more to support Law and Muucy than caring for falling into water himself. I'm not sure how much that helped Law when he was dealing with a triggering situation, especially that unfortunate contact with the top of his head. I guess it's still better than similar situation but with Law completely alone.

This puts this scene into a completely new perspective, right? He's shivering here and definitely froze up, even his speech bubble looks distressed. He's not getting angry here, his trauma trigger kicked in. I did check if he ever shivers or freezes up when he tries to, for example, stop himself from feeling angry, but no, we never see that happen. I'm sorry for ruining the comedy :( tho to make it better, he's also shocked, because just moments before Strawhats feared him, and now they already don't and even laugh at him. Damn, I'm now so torn about this scene, I mean, Strawhats couldn't have known!

Now a promised closer look at Donquixote family's approach to closeness and touch. When they were still Celestial Dragons, they barely touched each other. No small touches on the back, hand holding or anything else you usually share with kids. The closeness starts only after they're all starting to be persecuted. First time we see Doffy holding his mom's hand is when they run away from their burning house. First time we are shown Homing hugging his kids is when village people are beating them up and he is just trying to cover them with his own body, so he takes the beating instead of his kids.

The last memory Rosinante has of his father is the hug. And the first memory he has of Sengoku is also a sort of half-hug. Might be why he got so attached to him.

Little Doflamingo and Rosinante are always together, but they never touch in any way. It's clearly Doffy who takes care of his younger brother, probably also telling him to toughen up.

Weird mocking touch on the head from Trebol. And like always, no one ever touches Doflamingo, not even his own officers, and that's true ever since Doffy was a child.

He even tells Trebol he's too close. Doffy doesn't want touches anymore, because it seems in his mind he understands them as someone protecting him, and he doesn't need protection. Ever since he killed Homing, Doffy took the role of being a head of the family and protecting Rosinante, so no more hugs or hand holding for him. In other words, Doflamingo associates physical affection with protection and incoming abuse. And whenever he touches someone it's exactly for that reason: to hurt them.

An interesting parallel because this happens in exactly same chapter: Law is trying to move away because Luffy's "too close". He even lets him take the transponder away and just stands there and waits. And you might wonder: what for? Is he hoping Luffy will give it back by himself?

No, it just took some extra time for Law to brace himself to touch Luffy and shove him to the side. Even though both Doffy's and Law's first instinct here is to move away, Law is struggling but actually tries to overcome it, contrary to Doffy, who seems content in his "no touching" comfort zone.

Let's take a look at Dressrosa now. Doffy is carrying Law by his clothes, Law is unconscious, but he will not touch him directly anyway. Cora-san used to do it as well at first to Law.

But then, you might ask, they fought so much in Dressrosa, surely some kind of touch had to happen as a result? I mean, most of them were indirect touches with Doffy's strings, kicking Law or stopping him by grabbing his sword. But you are right, exactly two touches do happen. You're not gonna like it.

This is literally the first time Doflamingo ever touched Law. To stop his attack he forcefully grabbed his hand. Law is shivering, this actually triggers him, and there's just no way Doflamingo doesn't know that, he can feel it.

And then he makes the full use of the situation. Doflamingo holds Law up in the air, but we can see by the onomatopeia that he's literally holding him up by his hand alone and Law is just freely dangling there, Doffy's not using any strings to immobilize him, not even armament haki. He doesn't even need to. Finally he gave Law the touch he must have been craving when he was a child from him, but it's not a caring one, and what's the next thing Doflamingo does to that hand he just touched? He cuts it off, ripping open the psychological wounds, making them deeper, perhaps hoping Law will never recover from them. Because that's the easiest way to control him later if he wishes to do so, to make him pliant, defenseless and unable to fight back and terrified. But also to punish him for the "rebellion" against him... but also to punish Law for his need and fear of touch. This is a lesson: never want affection, closeness or touch, you're never getting any. Unless it's this: abuse. And if you don't think this is terrible enough, let me remind you: this is their first touch *ever*, Law probably waited for it when he was a kid.

And Law is just hanging there, not even trying to move, and it lasts for like three or four pages long, and I remember when I reread this a couple of times, I was a bit puzzled. Why isn't Law struggling to release himself? Why is he just letting this happen? Especially when it's becoming very clear what Doflamingo is gonna do next. So I have my answer: Law froze up, it's his body shutting off on it's own and all he can do is to just be there and wait for it to be over. It's painful, because we know Law always struggles, always fights back, and he tries here, with words, but he can't do anything else and he just watches it happen.

And this is the second time Doflamingo touches him. It's after the Gamma Knife attack, Doffy knows what he's doing here, he chooses to make contact with Law's head/face (he must have noticed Law's discomfort to it before when Giolla often did it to Law as a kid, and now he utilized this knowledge). He tries to make Law freeze up so he can't finish his move and who knows, maybe that was the final factor of why Law failed to kill off Doflamingo.

To wrap things up, I will share the interesting parallel that I think can be drawn between two rather unexpected characters: Law and Boa.

Both Law and Boa are most comfortable around Bepo (and the snake in Boa's case). Both are victims of brutalized touch and lack of loving and caring one. But while Law fearfully accepts what's given to him, Boa rejects it (even symbolically by kicking fluffy animals away or refusing any show of affection like gifts). Both are touch starved, but Boa will never even try to touch Luffy, and the only time Luffy touched her was in that stealth mission in Impel Down (they didn't have the choice) and hugging her after she gave him the key to Ace's cuffs. Boa doesn't return the gesture, she is very flustered and falls to the ground afterwards, which reminds me a little of her later scene with Rayleigh. Not even Boa's own sisters are shown to share any sort of physical affection with her, Boa shows cold and manipulative attitude to almost everyone besides them. The only other person Boa ever touched was Rayleigh (she's on the ground here again) after he helped them fight off Blackbeard's assault on Amazon Lily and it might be a traumatic response: Blackbeard tried to strangle her after all. Boa's love is passionate and platonic, she shows her affection and caring with indirect gestures (food preparation, offering support and help etc.), probably because that's what she remembers others tried doing for her before. She can't even deal with intimacy face to face and Law also tends to act cold to very open displays of affection and emotions.

Big thanks to @tae-rambles for mentioning the scene with Boa that completely slipped my mind <3 added it in the edit!

[cherry-romper]

When You're Injured

+ Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Marco, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Levi, Erwin, Hange, Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, Porco, Pieck, Zeke

Eren; • Emotional. Tends to get overwhelmed by worry. Eventually, that stems into anger, and he lashes out at everyone as a projection of his own guilt. He feels guilty for not protecting you. • Will spend more time trying to convince Levi or Erwin to let him avenge you instead of being with you. • If he is with you however, he cries silently to himself (either genuine tears or just on the inside). Of course, he's worried for you and if you'll recover but the reason he's sad is because he doesn't think he's good enough. • Got you flowers though, picked them himself. He also made sure you were getting the best care. • Didn't realise that he was pushing people away from you by not allowing anyone else but the nurses in the room. • Does more harm than good really, but it all comes with good intent so you give him the benefit of the doubt.

Mikasa; • Protective and worried. • Sleeps by your side and cares more about your health than her own. • She forgets to eat sometimes and is reluctant to leave you alone, just in case. So, she asks for someone, mostly Armin, to wait with you while she washes up and gets some food. • She's worried but not too emotional about it because she knows you'll heal soon enough, so she doesn't act much different. • Works out by your bedside instead of leaving. • Insists on feeding you herself to make sure you actually eat the food.

Armin; • Bless his little heart, he's worried sick. • Will read to you even when you're asleep and holds your hand the whole time. • Panics if you groan or move, he thinks you'll drop dead any second. • Gets scared when the nurses do examinations. He's always afraid of bad news. • Doesn't stay with you all the time. He leaves during the day to rest and wash. He also using his alone time to cry about being too weak to save you. • Blames himself, for some reason, and insists that if he were as strong as Reiner it wouldn't have happened.

Marco; • Calm about the whole thing. He's just grateful you're alive. • He knows the next few months are going to be hard but he's willing to care for you every step of the way. • Worried, of course, but is confident in your strength. He knows you'll pull though. • Buys the most expensive flowers and changes the water nearly everyday so that they stay alive for as long as possible. • Sits by your side and talks to you, even when you're asleep, so you don't feel lonely. • Lets the nurses do what they need to do because he knows that you're in good hands. • When you get out the infirmary he buys the nurses flowers to say thank you for keeping you alive.

Jean; • Doesn't let anyone see that he's worried sick about you and acts like he's fine. He's scared people will tease or bully him for it. • He cried a lot. Doesn't let you see him cry, nor anyone else, but he does it a lot. Marco found him though, crying behind some bushes, and comforted him. • After that he was more open and didn't care what people thought and stayed with you until he was forced to leave. • Holds your hand and rubs his thumb on the back of it. He even traces the lines on you palms. • Draw things for you. For example, he'll draw you a dog he saw in the street or he'll draw something silly like Connie and Sasha as stick figures to make you laugh. • If he has to leave while you're asleep, he'll leave a little note saying he'll be back soon.

Connie; • He's left in tatters. He goes into auto-pilot and doesn't really act like himself. • He becomes a rollercoaster of emotions. So, somedays he'll be really motivated and trains extra hard so he can protect you next time and other days he'll just sit by your side, staring blankly out the window. • He cracks jokes from time to time, even if you can't hear them and tells you stories of what's happening while you're stuck in bed. • Refuses to let himself cry because "a real man wouldn't cry" but crumbles anyways and cries into you arm. • Asks Sasha what to do while he waits for you to get out. She recommends he spend as much time with you as possible and just be grateful you survived. She makes sure he's okay while you can't be there for him.

Sasha; • Unsure how to handle the whole situation. She panics a little but once the nurses reassure her that you won't die she settles down and lets them do their job. • Brings you food, even if you can't eat anything solid. If you don't want it that day she eats it for you. • Would bring you flowers that she picked herself from when she was out hunting. • If you're well enough, she'll lay on the bed with you and cuddle you; whether it be platonic or not, she just wants to make sure you're okay. • She doesn't really baby you, but during the recovery period she does everything for you. No matter how tall you are, she doesn't let you reach for anything or go to pick anything up. She does it for you. • She kinda oversteps sometimes and refuses to let you clean, even if Captain Levi ordered it. If he forces you, she'll argue with him. She doesn't care about the repercussions, she just wants you to rest and heal as fast as possible.

Levi; • No different to how he normally is. • He's calm and collected. Of course, he was worried at first but knew that the nurses would take good care of you. • Some days he stresses though. If your condition dips or if you're struggling, he'll be a lot harsher on the cadets. • Doesn't cry because he knows his tears are useless, but does sit but your side until he needs to leave on duties. • Brings you tea he made himself and always makes sure you're comfortable before he leaves. • He's fine with other people seeing you but still has security posted at your door. • You're given your own room because he doesn't want you catching anything else while you're in the infirmary.

Hange; • Panic followed by calm followed by more panic. • Treats your wounds themselves. Its not like they don't trust the nurses, they just wanna make sure you're okay. • Brings you a little titan doll to keep you company when they're not there. Which you found to be a bit ironic. • Keeps the spirits as high as possible and always tells you stories or jokes to make sure you're entertained. • Their duties are still priority, as they knows you'll be okay, but they always makes sure to visit you when they have the time.

Erwin; • You take over everything. • He's terrified of loosing you. He's lost too many close to him already and even if he is reassured multiple times that you'll be okay, he's not shifting from you side. • Your room becomes his new office for a while. He does his work by your bedside, everyday without fail. • Sometimes you'll wake up and see him asleep in the chair, papers scattered on the floor from where he's dropped them. It warms your heart but also pains you to see that he doesn't care for himself. • When he wakes up, you tell him to take care of himself and refuse to let him anywhere near you until he does. • He was a bit dramatic and wrote you a eulogy. He thought everything was over. He sat and cried into his papers as he wrote it because he genuinely thought he was going to loose you.

Reiner; • Broken. Completely broken. • Cries everyday until you are better. He only lets you see it though and tries to act okay for the others because he knows they look up to him. • Is incredibly dramatic and tells you his secret. He didn't think and just kind of said it without noticing you were conscious. To be honest, you didn't really take it in when he first said it due to drowsiness so you forgot by the time you fell back to sleep. • Has a crisis. Fights with himself about who he is and who he wants to be. After talking with Bertholdt he came to the conclusion that he just wants to be there for you, no matter what, even if it means taking you with him. • Holds your hand and doesn't let go. He's scared that if he does he'll loose you. • Flowers. Daily. Fresh ones too. • He makes sure you're clean and fed. He even gives you his portion of food.

Bertholdt; • Worried about you, but fights with himself over it. He has a voice in the back of his head telling him he shouldn't be worried because he shouldn't care about you. So he just cries in the chair next to you, fighting his inner demons. • He isn't with you often and tries to distance himself because of the mission. • During the period where he refuses to visit, he finds himself asking the others how you're doing. After a while, Reiner just tells him that he needs to visit you himself because "you never know what could happen." • This leads to him buying you flowers and apologising for not visiting sooner. You tell him its okay and from then on he never leaves the room. • Falls asleep upright in his chair but ends up with his head on the floor and his feet hanging off the back of the chair.

Annie; • RIP to anyone who agrees to spar with her that first week. • Visits you once or twice for about an hour a time before leaving and taking her anger out on someone. • Reiner had to convince her not to change into a titan and attack in case you were lost in the carnage. • Not really used to the whole emotions thing. She deals with it her own way. • Brought you flowers but had no idea how to keep them, so they died quickly. She ended up getting annoyed at that too so you had to explain to her that its the thought that counts.

Porco; • Blames himself for no reason. He wasn't even there when you were hurt and still thinks it was him. • Goes through a million different scenarios wherein he could have saved you from being injured. Pieck had to convince him to stop before he hurts you further. • He's already rude enough as it is, but when it gets 10x worse when you're bed bound. • Sat by your side until you wake up. • Refuses to let anyone other than the nurses in the room with you, even then he doesn't fully trust the nurses. • His emotions get the best of him.

Pieck; • She's worries internally but has a calm exterior. She knows you're in good hands with the nurses, so there's no reason for her to be afraid. • Sits with you on the bed. If you're well enough she'll curl up at the end of the bed. • Bought you flowers. She went out and picked them herself. She arranged them in the vase so that when you wake up, you see your favourite flower first. • Feeds you herself. • When you first get out of the bed, you're both on crutches and laugh about being as useless at walking as each other. • You sit on the floor together instead of going to meetings.

Zeke; • He goes through the stages of grief even though you're not dead. • Denies that you're hurt. Refuses to believe you'd let yourself be injured. Convinced himself that you shouldn't have been out there in the first place, and then gets angry that you ever decided to join the army. • Has the WORST anger stage even. Throws an absolute fit. Breaks things, shouts profanities at the top of his lungs, drinks and smokes like doesn't have organs. His office is completely trashed. • He then tries to convince his superiors to take you off the squad; if he had his way it'd be the army altogether. He's certain you're not ready for the outside world, he just wants you protected. • His depression stage is just him sitting beside you. Unable to move, even if he wanted to. He's unsure if his brain won't let him move, or if he physically can't. He cries until tears won't fall anymore. • Finally, he accepts that you never wanted to get hurt, it was just a series of unfortunate events. Realises trying to take you out of the army, against your wishes, was a mistake. He feels horrifically guilty for how he acted and says sorry to everyone it affected, including you're sleeping form.

[heartofaskywalkerprincessleia]

Luke Skywalker is a hero for people with anxiety

(Contains spoilers from Episodes 4-6).

A lot of people relate to Luke Skywalker. He's down-to-earth, honest, and always strives for the light. Watching Star Wars again for the first time in a while, however, I realized something. When I looked it up on the internet, I was surprised that I couldn't find a lot of discussions about it. What do I mean? That Luke Skywalker suffers from anxiety.

The deleted scene from Tosche station, which I recently saw for the first time, sheds some light on this aspect of Luke's character. In the scene, we learn from Luke's friends that he panics easily. They're all chiding him for ‘again’ thinking that the Empire is coming. Even though he's just seen Princess Leia's ship fighting with Darth Vader's ship, his friends begin gaslighting him.

Someone online pointed out that this scene causes Luke's statement “there's nothing left for me here, now” to be more forceful. Upon finding out that his Aunt and Uncle are dead, Luke doesn't go to his friends for help. You wonder what his friends thought upon hearing that Luke's family had been killed by stormtroopers, right after he'd tried to warn them.

This aspect of Luke's character, and how he is treated by his friends, conditions him to not ask for help. In the ESB, as he's dying on Hoth, he never calls for anyone. If Obi-Wan hadn't shown up, Luke wouldn't have started calling out to him. If he hadn't started shouting, Han Solo wouldn't have seen him. 

This trend continues. Luke panics about things, but doesn't ask for help. Yoda tries to help him, getting him to relax and clear his mind. But, the vision of his friends worries him too much. He makes light of Obi-Wan’s warning that the Empire is after him for his talents. Luke is still holding onto what he told Biggs in the deleted scene from Tosche station–that the Empire will never draft him. 

During the fight on Cloud City, Vader acknowledges that Luke has learned to control his fear. Remember, Luke canonically gets so scared of the Sand People that he faints in the first movie. There's almost a parallel of that first moment, as Vader knocks Luke down and holds his lightsaber to Luke's throat just like the Sand People knocked him down before.

Luke has always gotten through things on his own. But, at this moment, he loses his hand. Losing his hand is symbolic of Luke losing the ability to do everything on his own. His father, who he always idolized and held onto, is evil. He's alone. He realizes that everyone was trying to protect him from this reality. Even his aunt and uncle let him think that his father was a hero, because it helped Luke to hold on. 

He finally reaches out to Leia. He finally forms a real connection with someone, which requires being vulnerable, and overcoming his fear of not being taken seriously. And, Leia rescues him. 

In the ROTJ, Luke tells Obi-Wan that he can't do this alone. He starts working with Han and Leia, and realizing that he is actually important to them. He trusts Leia enough to tell her that she is his sister, and that he has to save their father. 

But, still, Luke is trying to do everything on his own. He goes to face his father, and tries to be calm. He tries to avoid becoming angry. He tries to control the anxiety that got him ridiculed by his friends. The anxiety that led him to destroy Vader in his vision during his training on Degobah. The anxiety that he sees as his greatest flaw. 

But, he panics. He goes after Vader, and cuts off his hand. And, that's when he realizes it. 

All his life, Luke has wanted to be like his father. He praised himself for the positive qualities that are like his father. Being a good pilot. Being a Jedi (before he knew that his father was Vader). But at this moment, Luke looks at Vader's mechanical hand, and realizes that his father is just like him. His father is anxious. His father was scared, and overwhelmed once, just like him. His father didn't have anyone to turn to. 

Luke stands up to the Emperor, but that isn't what causes this scene to be so powerful. It's the fact that, as Luke is dying, he says the words his father once desperately wanted to say to someone.

“Help me.” 

“Please, help me.”

And Anakin, who wished someone would help him, who told Luke that it was too late for him, realizes that he can be that person for someone else. The pain he's gone through his whole life doesn't have to be passed on. He can save his son from the same fate. And he does. 

That's why Luke Skywalker is a hero for people who suffer from anxiety. Because he shows us the importance of accepting ourselves. Of self-compassion. Of reaching out to others. Of not being afraid to ask for help when we need it. And, if we do, we might just be that little spark of hope that someone else needs. 

May the Force be with you, always.

[da-janela-lateral]

Aaaaa I wish I could make some art to accompany this post, but I can't do so in the moment and I really want to express my "post-epilogue Mob and Tsubomi friendship" thoughts. LONG text below.

They start talking some time after Confession Arc, but their bond actually begins after Tsubomi moves from Seasoning City. She enjoys having someone to tell her how things are going on her hometown, as she didn't keep in touch with all of her school friends and misses how life was in Seasoning. This helped her to get more used to this drastic change on routine.

It was... awkward on the start. Mob had to process that Tsubomi was nothing like the perfect concept that lived on his head, besides the fact that she was upset by people idealizing her (its not nice to know you're part of the problem). Tsubomi on the other hand needed to shut down her slight suspicion built with the experience of bad rejection aftermaths and trust in Mob's intentions. After all, he was her good childhood friend

It doesn't take much for them to get over this, though. Mob comes to care a lot for the real Tsubomi and makes an active effort to know her better. This flawed, human Tsubomi was different, but she was a dear person to him and so it wasn't an issue. Tsubomi is relieved to see Mob's desire to become her friend was genuine (and feels a little bad for doubting). She was glad to get back in touch with him after so such a long time and got impressed with how much he had matured without her noticing. In a way, she also used to see him as that little boy from years ago...

They talk to each other by phone almost daily, speaking of how was their day and sending random stuff. If anything happens, they sure would inform the other.

Mob discovers she likes the yellow cat plush and keeps showing her cats he saw. Tsubomi tries to read some of his favorite manga to understand what he is talking about.

Tsubomi got overwhelmed with how much her school life changed in her new city. She was very happy to not being treated as a deity, but also wasn't used to being a common student. Mob helps her to become adjusted to a normal life and stop wearing the mask she was forced to use in Salt Mid. He understands how weird it is like to be your own vulnerable, true self next to others.

In exchange, Tsubomi's experience proves to be very valuable when Mob gets more attention from his peers and has to face social situations he never participated of before. Parties are stressing. She too recognizes he is still learning to express himself and is happy to see how he opens up with her.

Althought Tsubomi learns to be more authentic over time, she still struggles with demanding too much of herself. She panicked after thinking she didn't do good in her exams, and Mob spends an hour explaining that she isn't special and how its bad to expect she'll be flawless all the time. Besides that, her skills shouldn't define her worth as a person, as she is much more than her results. Tsubomi remembers this.

Mob often asks for Tsubomi's opinion. Sure, Reigen is still his go-to for advice, but some topics are more comfortable to talk with someone his age. Mob really values Tsubomi's confident honesty and her practical, direct solutions. He also feels safe talking with her because he knows that despite being blunt, she wouldn't say anything to hurt him.

They visit each other occasionally when they're on high school! The train rides are quite long, though, so most times it's more practical to invite more people and have a sleepover. Mob and Tsubomi's respective friends know the other pretty well.

[illmetkismet]

Leon in re4r has to be the most touchy feely goober i have seen yet.

I find it so endearing when he goes to comfort Ashley and also like in general the way he was with Luis when he was dying is just 😭

I think he's just very touch starved. What do you think? :)

i got this ask in the morning and i was like, 'i gotta think about this....' and i've been thinking about it all day because..... there's so much going on with leon and touch....

both with ashley and luis he doesn't let himself touch - really touch, the way he wants, to take their hand and hold on - until the situation is desperate. luis is dying, and ashley is in so much pain she's screaming with it. look how scared leon looks:

the halfhearted pat, pat, 'ok', he does in response to her hug later, when he wakes up and sees that she's alright, is such an interesting contrast. she's fine, she's alive, and now he doesn't have an excuse anymore, you know? he's not overcome with worry or grief. he's reigned himself right back in.

even here, where ashley's panting and almost crying after they run from the ganados into the cabin:

he lets himself rest a hand on her shoulder to comfort her and check in for like a second, because she's clearly very distressed, before he turns to deal with luis.

he does allow himself casual little touches here and there, when the situation calls for it. again, it's when ashley is really upset after the mind control incident that he lets himself give her that encouraging pat on the shoulder:

or when she's unconscious and he just administered the suppressant, and he needs to reassure himself that she's going to be ok:

so yeah, he's 100% touch starved, but i don't think he realizes it. the frequency with which he does reach out in re4r, however briefly, makes me think that he was probably a lot quicker to touch, to hug, to hold on, before raccoon city (his little bright-eyed rookie face makes me think that for sure). but after? there's this sense i think he has about himself that there's something wrong with him. that he survived something horrible against all odds, and now he's in this awful line of work - all the things he sees, all the people who keep dying around him - and it feels like he's carefully trying to contain himself, to isolate, to keep others safe from... whatever it is that's wrong with him now. like maybe he thinks of himself as cursed, somehow?

there's that tidbit i remember reading in a post @highball66 made, where one of leon's hobbies is listed as watching movies alone in the dark. on the one hand, cute and cozy! but on the other hand, is the 'alone' part really by choice?

so yeah, i think his natural inclination is to be a touchy feely goober, as you say, but he's almost all but killed that instinct in himself. now it takes extraordinary circumstances for him to reach out: either a situation where he needs to offer reassurance and understands that words alone won't do, or something so terrible happens that it overwhelms him to the point where he slips and doesn't keep his genuine need to reach out in check. which is.... so sad. because the only other way we see him touch in re4r is with violence, or to menace. his fist on luis' chest, pushing him back against the wall until he winces, for example. leon's been trained to leverage his strength to do harm, and though i think he hates that, that's probably how he sees himself now - as a damaged person whose only worth is that he's good at this violent work. i think he hasn't had a hug - a real hug - in years, in large part because he won't allow himself to have it.

haha oops this turned into a leon essay again... i just can't be normal about him. can't even answer a regular little ask without monologuing about his emotional damage.... thanks for the ask and for giving me this opportunity to TEDtalk about him :)

[angeart]

Howwwww did you angst the world tour?? 🎀

this question made me giggle so much oh i'm glad you asked :3c there was so much yummy grian angst in the hc world tour!

it's all about grian and his penchant for destruction. he doesn't even mean to! he's not trying to be pesky; quite the opposite. he's curious but restrained, trying to be good, trying to follow instructions. he's not malicious at all! he's just there to see what people were up to, open and friendly and curious, eager to look and learn and praise. not a bad intention in sight... and yet things seem to break wherever he goes. everything he touches goes wrong.

the guilt churns, acidic and overwhelming, and grian's miserable. why is he like this? he's trying so hard, why is this the only way he can ever be? why can't it stop?

spoilers for grian's world tour video below <3

plantie pointed out to me how, during the tour of scar's train, when grian got rid of scar's arrows—the glitched ones that doc put there—he was so desperate to point it out after scar just glossed over it. as if he wanted to show that he can do something good. he can be helpful, he can fix things instead of just breaking everything.

but then we have all the other things, right? grian can't escape it.

when he was with etho and the mushroom farm exploded, he sums it up in a wretched if confused apology: "i'm so sorry. the two times i tried to use it, i broke it :( and created a water source floating— which i don't know how it happened— and flung the TNT, which i really don't understand—"

they move on, but it's so clear it lingers.

etho isn't blaming him. he's amused and brushes it off and moves along, unbothered, but grian himself can't wrap his head around it. about that propensity to breaking things, even unintentionally. the way nothing is safe around him.

he tells etho: "i can't stop thinking about your mushroom farm. why does everything i touch break, in new and unexpected ways?"

(not to mention when etho's showing him frogger and grian plays, almost instantly etho goes: "uh-oh, the game's broken", with a little huff of laugh. it wasn't exactly tied to anything grian did, but still something i wanted to point out, since grian was there for it <3)

and then grian goes to zedaph, right?

the very first game zedaph shows him. the very first. grian plays the way he was told to, the way he was meant to, and— he breaks it.

zedaph just laughs and moves them on.

(just sprinkling in a side note that zedaph's furnace minigame also didn't seem to work the way it should've—)

by the time grian gets to pearl's, it's starting to be a pattern that's so clearly eating away at him, making him anxious. he doesn't want it to happen again!

and yet.

pearl invites him to play her wordle game, and grian mindlessly goes and pushes the wrong button trying to start it... instantly stepping away with a quiet groan of a dread-filled "...oh-" followed by: "i just— ruined it already."

there's something about the mood switch. the way he seems more restrained and tame, silently upset with himself, trying so hard not to mess things up further. questioning why this is happening again. why he can't stop making it happen.

he walks over to the reset game button and asks, carefully: "can i press reset? is it gonna hurt? 🥺👉👈"

pearl reassures him he can, with a sigh noting that it'll just take a while.

there's an almost hysteric laugh from grian, followed by an exasperated, upset scream. "everything i touch breaks! when i went to e— i broke etho's thing when i went to— not frogger, his— his mushroom farm i— it blew up."

"you blew up his mushroom farm?? how? what did you do?!"

"yeah, i— i broke zed's game, instantly, pretty much, it's—"

"oh my gosh :("

"sorry 🥺"

pearl is quick to reassure him, though. "well, luckily for you, this is— you doing that (pushing the wrong button) does not break the game. it's just, you now have to wait for it to reset."

she makes sure grian knows that he didn't mess up anything terribly here. he didn't break pearl's game. it's okay! it's fine!

and then grian right clicks to open the book, and instead makes bonemeal pop out of a composter.

i think at this point pearl is a little bit taken aback by how wrong everything really seems to be going around grian. she makes sure to say, "it's fine," again, just so grian won't start worrying about it all again. "you're clicking on everything that people do not usually click on today. but it's okay. it's still not broken! it's not broken, it's alright, it's okay— i've got failsaves for people like you."

it's so sweet how she really tries to soothe him— and yet she can't help but let out that last remark.

people like you.

those few words surely lodge in more than all the reassurances. they're like splinter, proving grian right.

eventually, he gets to skizz.

during the tour of skizz's base, skizz shows him a horse statue and starts talking about how he lost his first horse at an event that grian was also a part of. and grian's stomach instantly sinks.

he asks hushedly, a bit confused, trying to remember: "was i there?"

skizz laughs. "you were absolutely there, dude."

which leads grian to ask, uneasily: "did i do it?"

skizz waves his hands, quick to easily reassure that no! that's not it, grian didn't do it!

grian lets out an oh with such palpable relief, and goes on to explain about how, "i remember witnessing it, but sometimes it's hard to disentangle whether i did it or not. coz i tell you what, on this tour i've broken everyone's stuff."

nobody was upset with grian when things broke, but here he is, several hermits down, still unable to leave it to rest. because it's him. it's him who did all of that, somehow, and he didn't mean to, but it doesn't matter. it happened anyway.

and now he can't even tell what is and what isn't his fault anymore.

the guilt is deep rooted, leaving anxious assumptions and dark, jagged precipices. how much did he destroy? what else should he be feeling guilty about? how far does this go?

he keeps breaking things, and it's such a blur that he can no longer tell what is and what isn't his fault.

the tour continues, and he delves into skizz's pyramid. and it's just— it's just a tunnel to swim through. nothing to mess up, besides potentially dying to suffocation, right?

and yet you can hear skizz shrilly exclaim: "oh he's going to end up breaking something!!"

and, (plantie's words: ) grian hearing that and just wondering, is that all i'm good for? is that all i'm known for? is that all i am?

there's no room for doubt; not really. that is what grian does, all the time, whether he wants to or not. he breaks stuff. he just— he doesn't mean to. and this tour is one big show of how powerless he is against it. (how everyone expects it from him anyway.)

despite it all, grian perseveres, trying out skizz's game, stubbornly dedicated and trying to win. (to pass; to have something to be proud of, at least—) and he gets to the powdered snow section.

there, he jumps across to a pathway that he was meant to circle to through the snow instead.

it's not breaking anything, not really. not even the rules. it's not cheating! he's just— he just did something skizz did not expect, but that was entirely possible within the game's design, even if not intended. he exploited it to his advantage; a risky, tricky shortcut.

and yet skizz remarks with a laugh: "this is what grian does! he breaks games!"

no matter what grian does... is that all he'll ever be?

is that all they'll see?

he fails getting through skizz's game, is thanked for play-testing, praises it all, they talk it all away, and...

and then grian goes to tour mumbo's base.

and fails to even die properly to his llama—

and then mumbo shows him his archive machine, and instantly panicks when grian gets curious about it, begging him not to touch anything. and grian says: "your stomach just fell through didn't it?" and after mumbo's immediate agreement, he adds: "and rightfully so. coz, almost everything i've touched on this tour has broken."

there's not a sliver of surprise to mumbo's anxious rushed: "yeah, yeah yeah! please stop now." because, of course things have broken. of course what grian touches is bound to go wrong. of course—

and then mumbo very carefully tells grian what to do with the machine.

grian does as he's told.

mumbo looks up and pauses, a frown crossing his face as he takes it in. he notes that grian probably did it too fast—

(something went wrong)

(something broke)

mumbo says: "i can't believe you come along and every single thing in my base starts [going wrong/breaking/malfunctioning]"

and then grian mysteriously ends up with an extra book from mumbo's machine, much to mumbo's dismay. grian's confused, cogs spinning as he tries to figure out what did he mess up this time to result in this.

it's clear mumbo wants grian away from his machine. it's not safe. (grian isn't safe.)

"maybe just give that to me and maybe just step away from the contraption. and then— maybe just leave me to—"

grian's upset and bewildered voice cuts in: "i didn't do anything wrong this time :(("

he's trying so hard.

he's trying so hard to be good and do things right and not mess anything up.

(it isn't working.)

(it's never bound to work, is it?)

mumbo ushers him away, and ends up showing him another cool invention—an elevator. except the second mumbo hits the button, a creeper shows up and explodes it. (it's midday.) (it wasn't even meant to be there.)

this one isn't grian's fault at all, but with everything that's happened— well, it's easy enough to link it to grian's presence. like a bad luck omen.

apprehensively, grian asks if the elevator broke, and mumbo—a bit bewildered by the reality of it—says that no, it seems to still work. "amazingly," he tacks on, disbelieving.

grian's relieved. "ohh, i thought we were in big trouble there!"

besides himself, mumbo anxiously agrees: "augh. i was like, if every single creation that i show breaks in some fashion, i'm just gonna quit."

because this isn't normal. none of this is, least of all everything at once. it simply doesn't happen.

(not when grian isn't there, anyway.)

mumbo notes that he needs to work on his lighting, and grian nods wisely saying it's a perpetual issue, but the anxiety is digging its talons in now, unrelenting. (what else is going to go bad in grian's presence? what else will he mess up? what else will he break? why is he like this?)

another remark that comes after this is mumbo's nervous: "i've actually just built up the automatic sorter which does this—which you're not gonna touch. we're banned from touching any redstone contraptions!"

and what can grian do but oblige? (but he can at least look, right?)

but does it ever change anything?

does it matter?

-

at the end of the day, the others don't think too much about it.

they all say their part, pass their judgment, wave their hands, dismiss, move on. it doesn't keep them up at night.

... i think it might keep grian up at night.

a cacophonous collection of word snippets, aimed at him or woven around him, digging under his skin until it bleeds. a noose of inescapable fate, a tightening band around his chest that promises he can only ever be one thing:

a vessel for destruction.

it doesn't matter if he wants to be.

shackles and chains and a cosmic inevitability written into his skin, etched into his bones, tangled into his bloodstream. and an ever-rising guilt like stormy sea, far above his head now, drowning him.

(maybe he's not meant to be near other people and their things.)

(maybe he's not meant to touch games that were constructed with so much effort and love and passion poured into them.)

(maybe he shouldn't—)

==========

bonus screenshots from discord DMs (with extra sprinkles of hmtb mentions):

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==========

bonus hmtb quotes because i kept thinking about it:

He always destroys the things he loves most, after all.

and:

He destroyed everything he touched, and when there was nothing left, he destroyed the only remaining thing: himself.

-

[noaltbruh]

Hello! Can I request bucci gang with fem s/o who had a military background? She's stern, disciplined, can bark out orders and be your biggest life coach like it's nothing, her raw physical power is inhumane to the point she rarely use her stand, overall just give you military general vibe. But later when the mc and one of the members starts dating, she shows her sentimental side and surprisingly a kinda awkward simp lmao

That's it I hope you have a good day💖

Oh! This request was quite original for sure 😄 But it was fun writing it! And thank you for asking me to write stuff or I'd basically be playing Octopath 2 during all my free time-

Bucci gang with a S/O with a military background

Giorno 🐞

Needless to say, Giorno really respects you not only as a person, but also as a precious ally and colleague.

He thinks highly of you since you're so stern and disciplined, he knows he can rely on you when there's something he cannot handle on his own.

He sometimes comes to you for advice, he just feels like he can trust your judgement.

Okay, can I just say he's a bit startled by how...Aggressively encouraging you are? He thinks it's pretty fun, but he must admit he's very impressed by just how energetic you can be, mixed with your firm behavior as well.

He will never, ever say it out loud...But this boy is a bit intimidated by your physical power to be honest. Okay, he's pretty muscular, but he's not nearly as strong as you are.

He knows this fear is dumb since his stand easily makes up for it, but he can't help it and it embarrasses him greatly. With that being said, he still looks up to you for the effort you put into maintaining such physical conditions.

Of course, seeing your personality shift when you got into a relationship surprised him at first glance, but thinking about it, he can't say he couldn't have seen it coming.

After all, you just HAD to be hiding something more to you behind your military façade. He knows it well since he's the first to mask himself.

He doesn't hesitate to take advantage of this other part of you though. He'll try his absolute hardest to cluster and make you away as soon as he realizes how awkward you actually are.

He'll actually call you cute quite often and probably giggle seeing you all embarrassed, but he never holds malicious intentions whatsoever. He simply thinks you're adorable.

He warmly welcomes your romantic side too, being quite romantic himself, although it may not be very clear at first glance. He'll reserve fancy dinners, grow flowers and buy you the most beautiful roses as a way to keep up with your lovely antics, he can't afford to fall short.

Bruno 🤐

Bruno's brain is low-key trying to process your existence, since you're so different from the rest of his team-

That doesn't mean he does not appreciate you, he really does! It's just... He'd always been used to be the one who gives orders and supports his men, not the other way around.

So, seeing you do what is usually his responsibility and duty highly catches him off guard, but he's quite thrilled by it at the same time, which is what first causes him to developed this of admiration for you.

But be prepared for him to still encourage and guide you whenever he gets the chance to. He thinks it's a good way to indirectly tell you that you're allowed to rely on others too sometimes and you don't always have to be strong.

With that being said, he thinks very highly of you because of your sterness and discipline, you get stuff done when it's necessary and he doesn't hesitate to praise you if you did a good job...Which is pretty much always.

He may even give you some of the hardest jobs, but never too much to overwhelm you. He knows you have limits like everyone else and respects them.

While he does think that your raw strength is impressive, he'll also push you to use your stand more and train to fight with it too.

It's not that he doesn't think you're powerful, but some situations just HAVE to be handled through stands, you can't risk.

He's obviously taken aback by your sudden change, you're just so different from the person he had grown accustomed to. Even so, he must say he's quite happy about this too. After all, it is truly a sign that you're willing to let your guard down around him and be yourself more.

Although he did not expect you to simp and get all bashful as soon as he started to court you...

...And most of all, to court him back as soon as you got the hang of it. It does highly pleas him though, it's really nice to know that good ol' romanticism still exists outside of him.

All these different aspects to your personality only stimulate his curiosity towards you, he truly think you're a unique one and he won't rest until he gets to see everything you have to offer.

Mista 🔫

Nah buddy you don't understand how cool Mista thinks you are.

Honestly he's just astounded by your physical strength, he didn't even think someone could possibly be that ripped to the point where's you wouldn't even have to use your powers.

You low-key scare him, but there's no way in hell he's going to admit that. He also wants to be stoped and crushed by you, but he won't be saying that either.

The pistols love to be around you because of your whole vibe, but number five in particular likes you a lot because he feels safe in your presence and knows the others won't mess with him if you're there.

He's a fan of your praises and hype, he's sperate vero confident, bug having someone else's supports always feels good, doesn't it.

Probably didn't follow your orders at first and thought you were just joking around, then he saw your killer look and went "shit", before immediately doing what you told him-

Despite the respect he has for you, he can't help but think that you worry way too much about stuff and you need to learn how to relax a bit.

Because of this, he'll goof around and make jokes even more when you're near him than usual. He wants to help you to let loose a bit and become more chill.

Honestly, he thinks it's thanks to him that you changed so much once you got together lol.

Once he realizes you're just a huge simp, he'll look for all sorts of ways to embarrass and fluster you, it basically becomes one of his favorite hobbies. If he went too far, you might have to punch him to make him stop, not that he'd mind tho.

Mista's not a very romantic person, but that doesn't mean he can't appreciate your own romantic side. The fancy dates, all those sweet words and moments are surely quite different from most relationships Mista's ever had, but that's also why he likes them. They're a new territory, and he's all in for that.

Narancia 🍊

Mommy? SORRY-...Mommy?

You can't tell me this isn't true. You think you're a simp? You've got Narancia on his knees simply by existing.

Literally, just say the word and he'll come running for your, hanging from your finger, following whatever order you may give him and completing him exactly like you told him to.

Please, support him and encourage him whenever he gets stuff done right. This boy lives for your approval and hearing you give him advice or tell him he did a good job will make him 10 times more motivated to get anything done.

He's a bit insecure about himself, so knowing you think positively of him reassures him a lot.

Speaking of which, he knows he's safe in your presence, and it's a great source of comfort for him.

Honestly, he thinks your whole super stern and collected behavior is super badass, he loves how you can keep your cool even in tough situations and you never seem to snap like he does. He just wants to be like you sooo badly!

You gotta stop his jaw from falling to the ground when he sees you beat the hell out of an enemy. After staring at you in awe for a second, he'll remember he needs to help you fight and will gladly join in kicking the dude to death.

With that being said, he'll spend the entre nighr staring at the ceiling and thinking about awesome you looked-

In case you haven't noticed, he'd quite muscular himself, he wants to train with you too! His dream is to become as powerful as you are, but if he can't, just training knowing you're by side, and showing off he can also be strong is enough for him.

Okay, when your personality begins to shift, Orange boy is so lost. It's not that he doesn't like you anymore of anything, he's just...Confused. You're so different from the Y/N he's used to.

With that being said though, he quickly gets used to this change, and he's all in for that! Honestly, the fact that you sometimes come off as a bit awkward just makes it easier for him to empathize with your feelings, since he'd most definitely be very nervous around you out of pure embarrassment during your first conversations.

But he takes your simping deep admiration for him as a way to show off to you! He's gonna prove he's just as badass as you are, he wants to leave you speechless and will give everything he has to impress you, no holding back!

This boy is 100% a hopeless romantic, although he's bad at putting his lovely dovey ideas into practise, mostly because he's very clumsy and he'd probably set the kitchen on fire trying to make a nice candlelight dinner-

Because of this, knowing you're alike when it comes to romanticism reassures him. He knows that even if he messes up sometimes, you'll still always appreciate his effort and the energy he puts in his sweet gestures for you.

Moreover, no matter what you may do or organize with Nari, like watching the moon together or dedicating a song to him, he'll cherish it forever and ever in his heart. Every romantic moment you two share become a core memory that he's constantly going to think back to and smile without even realizing it.

He'll always love you, no matter what side of yourself you may be showing :)♡

Fugo 🍓

My friend, Fugo's afraid of you-

Have you seen this guy? He feels like a wimp compared to you, he's genuinely afraid you're just gonna take him and rip his bones in half.

When he does start to realize that you'd never do that, however, he begins to feel...Relived by your presence, in a sense. You just seem like someone he can rely on, which puts him at ease.

Also, you're one of the few people in the house who aren't constantly annoying or trying to piss him off. You're serious and he knows he can have a mildly intelligent conversation with you.

You're a good partner on missions too. He respects the way you're so determined on upholding your duty and don't mess around, he's faithful that any enemy you may face is screwed as long as he's got you with him.

He understands why you'd prefer to rely on your physical force rather than your stand, he doesn't like using Purple Haze either. Even so, he does partially think that it's a bit of a waste not to put it in action, since yours doesn't put everything and everyone in danger as soon as it shows up.

Okay let's be honest, boy's probably got the physical strength of a little girl, unless he's angry.

Therefore, some advice or words of encouragement from you are always more than welcomed, they push him to better himself while still reminding him that he's already doing fine.

When you show him your more sentimental and awkward side, Fugo gets you so well. He may seem smart and all but he's an embarrassing simp himself.

So, you guys go together like two peas in a pod, you just feel very understood by the other and don't fear their judgment at all. You're both messes so you cancel your goofiness out.

Your romantic side is gonna get him so flustered. He blushes easily and has most likely never been in a relationship before, so this kind of...Ahem, behavior, makes him scream inside, but with joy for once.

He'll try to organize something romantic for you in return, and it'll be either the most well-crafted, prepared and unique date ever...Or a total disaster. Either way, his effort is admirable.

Abbacchio ⏪

I'm sorry but Abbacchio couldn't stand you at first.

Your whole behavior just reminds him too much of the person he used to be, and just looking at you feels like looking at himself in a broken mirror.

Tries to avoid you as much as he can, and when it's not possible, he's the rudest, meanest, coldest fucker around.

The two of you only started to get along after you either saved or was a huge help to him during a mission. He was taken aback by your raw sstrength, but literally all he did once this was over was calling you a moron for not using your stand.

Secretary, he thought it was the most badass scene he's ever assisted to in his life. No, he'll never say it directly, screw you.

Complains and claims that he isn't going to follow your orders, before doing exactly that. If you were to brought that up, he'll interrupt the conversation as soon as possible and simply tell you that he did it because he wanted to, not because you told him to or anything.

He acts annoyed everyone you encourage or hype him up, saying that he doesn't need your support, but from the way he always looks away and lacks his usual bitterness in his tone, you can tell that he secretly appreciates your efforts.

Slowly, very slowly, but surely, you begin to notice small shifts and changes in the way he treats you. He doesn't look at you with disgust, willingly follows your advice and overall feels more comfortable in your presence, even cracking a few smiles here and there.

You end up becoming a huge source of inspiration to him. He still sees a lot of the person he used to be whenever you're near him, yet he doesn't view it in a negative light anymore.

A small part of Abbacchio wants to go back to be the man with the string sense of justice he once used to be. You're a constant reminder that just because he made a mistake, that doesn't mean he can't make up for it or has to live stick in the past forever.

And just when he starts to respect you... You change too-

What the?- Is this really the Y/N he knows? The stern, serious one? The wise one? The responsible one?

Is he startled? Yes, yes absolutely. Then again, he HAS to admit to himself that you being in his life has led to him modifying his own behavior quite a lot, so he shouldn't be that surprised about you being different from your usual self as well.

He's not the best with your awkward or sensitive side, but he does what he can. He knows that emotional support is something he just has to give in a relationship, so he sucks it up and never makes you feel embarrassed for what you do or say.

He's most likely amused by your romantic nature and may think it's kinda cheesy, but he secretly loves it with all his heart, and wouldn't trade it for anything else.

Trish 🎙

Ok, Trish is a bit conflicted when it comes to you.

Like- she doesn't really have anything against you particularly. The thing is, she sort of has very split opinions concerning your behavior.

For example, she admires how stern and professional you are, how you seem to always have stuff under control and never be scared.

At the same time, however, the thinks that you sometimes take things way too seriously, you should learn to let loose a bit more and just enjoy life at it this.

Because of this, she tries to get you to break free from your shell and probably takes you dancing or shopping whenever she has the opportunity to.

Another example is that she loves when you act as her personal life coach. She's a very self-confident going lady and lives for praise...Especially from you, although don't expect her to tell you this often. You're always there to motivate her even on those rare occasions when she isn't feeling her best, she adores you for this.

BUT, she can't stand when you act all pushy and boss her around, she deposed being told what to do and there's a high chance she won't listen to you if she doesn't agree with you...At least during early times.

She'll become more willing to follow your advice if you're patient with her, but she'll always make it very clear that she doesn't think it's the best option.

No but like- the first time she saw you fight, her only thought was "Wtf?!"

She didn't think someone could possibly be as strong as you are, she just exchange concerns looks with Spice girl while encouraging you herself, even if you're already doing great.

"YAAAAS QUEEN SLAAAAY"

Honestly, she doesn't question your personality shift too much. She knows that'd how people are: the more you get to know them, the more you realise they're fundamentally different from what you actually thought of them.

And honestly, since she does also begin to show her softer side herself when you get together, knowing you won't think less of her for being open about her feelings truly makes her glad to have chosen you as her partner.

In return, no matter how awkward you can be, you can expect Trish to 100% support and be there for you at any given time. Although she will tease you for getting flustered if she got the chance to.

She lives for your romantic side, it's literally her ideal relationship coming true. Being courted and loved and feeling all special...God, she adores it.

Rambles to the others about your romantic gestures all the time and will hit in the face with her boot anyone who dares call you cheesy ^^

[mothandpidgeon]

Aunt Flo's First Visit [pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader]

MASTERLIST - follow @mothandpidgeon-updates and turn on notifications to stay updated with my fics!

Pairing: pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: After Sarah gets her first period, Joel is determined to be a supportive parent despite the fact that he doesn't know the first thing about menstruation. But when he goes to the pharmacy to shop for supplies, he finds himself in way over his head.

Words: 2k

Rating: G

Warnings: period stuff and everything that comes with it

a/n: This is really fluffy and a little silly. I saw a tik tok by a menstrual product company about a customer trying to find the right thing for his daughter and it just gave me such Joel energy this happened. I haven't finished any fic in MONTHS because I'm working on my book and that's not finished either so it feels really good to complete something. (If you want to keep up with my publishing journey, I'm mainly documenting it here.) Please enjoy.

Also, I challenged myself to write in present tense bc I never do and I really was struggling so pretend the grammar is all correct. Thank you.

Joel knows how to do a lot of things. He can manage a crew, change a flat tire, and build just about anything. He never considered himself smart by the classical definition but he knows how to make a car battery from scratch despite the fact that he got a C in chemistry. 

If somebody had told him a decade ago that he’d one day be paralyzed with fear in the feminine hygiene aisle, he would’ve laughed. But right now, Joel would give all his knowledge along with his left arm if he could just figure out what the hell he ought to buy for his daughter.

He knew this day would come eventually. It’s his own damn fault he never prepared himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he must’ve expected Sarah to just know how to handle it. Being a single dad wasn’t a walk in the park but he couldn’t imagine how much harder it would be if Sarah wasn’t so damn self sufficient. Even at 13, she can get herself fed and dressed and off to school without help. Of course she could figure this out on her own.

But Joel was reminded that Sarah’s still just a kid when she finally told him that she’d gotten her period for the very first time. She was so embarrassed to admit it, Joel practically had to drag it out of her. 

He was angry with himself. He should’ve been ready, wished that he knew the right words to say. Joel promised himself he would put things right so she wouldn’t feel like she ever had to hide anything from him. 

That was a lot easier said than done, he realizes now.

Joel stands in the aisle overwhelmed and confused. Boxes and soft packages in friendly, pastel colors stare at him from the shelves. He’s never spent much time with the feminine hygiene products, not unless he was scooting by them to pick up a little carton from the family planning section. He hasn’t bothered to learn about that stuff. Women’s stuff. He’s not disgusted by menstruation, isn’t afraid of it. It’s just one of those things he never had to deal with. 

Without Sarah’s mom, though, he’s had to figure out plenty of girl things. He can remember the lesson on managing Sarah’s curls from the kind woman at the hair salon. Names of Shampoos and oils that felt foreign were now routine and he’s mastered using the combs and clips that looked more intimidating than some of his power tools. But he struggled for a good long while before that kind stylist took pity on him. 

And here he is again, flying blind into the female whirlwind. 

There’s so many options on the shelf. Words like HEAVY and gentle and sport. And the prices. Christ! He thought the hair stuff was expensive.  

Joel’s head is spinning but he has to get it together. He’d vowed long ago that he would be Dad and Mom too. That’s what his daughter deserves. 

Just a year ago, he hovered outside of the dressing room at the mall as Sarah tried on training bras. 

“Did you find one? You were in there for a while,” he said when she emerged.

“Dad,” she replied in that tone she was using more and more often, the one that told him to shut up.

It isn’t the changes to her body that scare him, all of the subtle ways she’s becoming less familiar. His little girl is growing up and he mourns her childhood. It won’t be long before she’s driving, going off to college. Maybe she’ll have a daughter of her own but Joel hopes she’ll wait longer than he did, have a chance to make a life for herself.

Speaking of which, he realizes he’s going to have to sit her down for a real talk about boys next. He better get ready for that one. Explaining where babies come from hadn’t been too difficult. Condoms and venereal diseases are a whole different ball game. Teenage boys are gremlins– he’d know– and Sarah’s so smart and pretty, she’s going to have to be careful. 

Joel doesn’t know how long he’s been staring at the shelves when a woman appears in the aisle, another shopper. She’s got her keys looped around a finger, headed straight for the tampons, her flip flops smacking against the bottoms of her feet. Joel has a box in his hands. He doesn’t even know what he’s picked up, it’s just got the least intimidating packaging and the price is reasonable. He can’t help but catch the woman’s eye and the look she gives him is a little wary. It must be obvious that he’s out of his depths. But she gives a polite, tight lipped smile and proceeds to ignore him as she approaches the pantheon of period products. 

He watches as her eyes dart around the shelves and quickly she makes a selection, plucking up a box clad with pink and purple silhouettes. So easy. Well, it must be easy for her. He wonders how many times she’s visited this part of the pharmacy, if her mother brought her to the store when she was Sarah’s age and showed her all the options. 

His free hand fidgets at his side and he swallows dryly. He feels like an idiot but he reminds himself that he’s got to do this. For Sarah. The woman is already half way back to the end of the aisle by the time he’s found his voice. 

---

“Excuse me, miss. Could I trouble you for a second?” you hear from the man behind you. 

You turn around, confused, but there’s nobody else that he could be talking to. Here you thought you could get in and out quickly. You’re cranky and tired and all day you’ve had toe curling cramps. It hits you like a ton of bricks every month. All you want to do is get home to your couch to watch some crappy reality tv. 

But this lumberjack of a man– broad shoulders wrapped in a flannel shirt– is giving you puppy dog eyes. You’ve never been hit on while holding a box of Tampax Pearl but there’s a first time for everything. 

“I apologize. This is real awkward,” he says, rubbing at the back of his neck with a big hand. “I’m trying to get something for my daughter but I’m a little lost.”

His voice is warm and sweet and he’s handsome as hell but you keep your distance. 

“Didn’t she tell you what to get?” you ask. 

His expression grows even more bashful and his voice lowers. 

“I’m afraid it’s, uh…well, it’s new territory for both of us,” he admits. 

You can’t help the sympathetic smile that forms on your lips. Some poor preteen girl just got welcomed into the cruel arms of womanhood. It will be all downhill from here. Wild mood swings, angry breakouts, blood leaking through her favorite pair of pants. At least, it seems, she’s got her dad on her side. It takes a lot of balls for a guy to pick up a box of tampons let alone stop a stranger and ask for help. 

You’d like to tell him that you’re too busy to help– you can hear your Haagen Dazs calling you all the way from the freezer– but you at least owe it to this kid to help him out. 

“What’ve you got?” you ask, nodding towards the powder blue box in his grasp. It looks so little in his big hand. You walk back towards him and take a look. “Oh. Nice try but I wouldn’t go with that.”

He regards his choice again. It’s kind of adorable, the way the corners of his mouth frown as he squints at the words on the front. “What’s wrong with these?” His words aren’t defensive, he’s genuinely curious. 

“Tampons can be pretty tricky when you’re that age. And those don’t even come with an applicator,” you explain. You remember trying to use a tampon that first time. You’d never put anything up there before and it stung like hell.

“Applicator?” His brows furrow and you can see fear in his brown eyes. 

“So you can put it…in,” you tell him and motion with your finger, jabbing your pointer upwards. 

His cheeks go pink. Ears too. You try to suppress a giggle as his brain short circuits for a second. His throat works as he swallows and places the box back on the shelf— gingerly, like it might explode. 

“Which are the ones that don’t…go inside?” he asks. 

It’s impossible to keep from grinning. 

“Pads,” you say. 

He nods. 

You choose a package and place it in his hands. It’s a multipack, everything from light to heavy, and no wings so she doesn’t feel like she’s wearing a diaper. 

“Try this,” you say. “She might not like them. It takes some trial and error.”

He reads over the circle in the corner that claims it’s 100% Leak Free! You can see he’s still overwhelmed but he’s far less nervous. He really is good looking and you have to wonder how he doesn’t have a woman in his life to help him out.

“This many?” he asks. 

“She might need more.” You shrug. “Just stay away from the scented ones. And you have Tylenol at home?”

“I think so.”

“How about a heating pad?”

He shakes his head. 

“Go get one,” you advise. 

He blows out air and then steels himself with a nod, ready to face the red menace. 

“I’m awfully grateful for your help,” he says and you can tell by the look on his face, he means that. 

You feel your own cheeks heat. 

---

Joel ends up behind her in the checkout line after securing an electric heating pad and grabbing an extra bottle of Motrin. 

“What do you think?” he asks, showing her what he picked.

“Good job,” she tells him. Her smile is tinged with amusement but his chest still swells with pride. Maybe he’s not such a failure of a father after all.

Now that he’s less bewildered, Joel can’t help but notice how pretty this woman is. She’s dressed for comfort without any make up as far as he can tell but that smile and the kindness in her eyes is what does it for him. If they met under different circumstances, maybe he’d try to flirt. Not that he’s had the opportunity to practice recently. It’s for the best, though. There’s absolutely no way the combination of bumbling idiot, single parent, and menstruation makes for a romantic connection. Besides he’s here on an errand for his daughter.

Joel tries to keep his eyes from wandering over her as the teenager behind the register rings her up, the pink box and two bags of M&Ms. She gives Joel one last smile before leaving the store. 

He thought he might feel embarrassed buying nothing but period supplies but he’s too busy thinking about how helpful she was. Sarah would just about die from mortification if he told her a complete stranger gave him a crash course in maxi pads. He chuckles to himself. 

“Hey!” someone calls as Joel approaches his truck.

It’s her, the woman from the pharmacy, crossing the parking lot. Joel smooths his hair.

“These are for her,” she says, handing him one of her bags of candy. “Chocolate helps.”

Joel gives a soft laugh as he weighs the M&Ms in his hand. “That I knew,” he says. 

“And, uh, here,” she tells him, holding out the long receipt. 

Joel takes the paper. On the back she’s scribbled her name and phone number. 

“You know, I don’t know. I just thought– if she has any questions. Or maybe if you do,” she says, shrugging. She’s much less confident now than she was in front of that endless selection of menstrual products. It’s cute and makes Joel feel a little less like an idiot for the way he was fumbling a few minutes ago. 

“I owe you one,” he says.

She shakes her head. “Just be patient,” she warns. “She’s gonna be a bitch but don’t take it personally.”

Joel grins. 

“You’re a good dad,” she tells him and he doesn’t know how to respond to that.

She’s already backing away towards her car and waves again. 

Joel looks at her number, once again finding something he doesn’t know. He’d give his left arm to figure out how soon is too soon to call. 

---

MASTERLIST - follow @mothandpidgeon-updates and turn on notifications to stay updated with my fics!

[jacks347]

Would the listeners survive a zombie apocalypse? (In my slightly sarcastic, completely subjective opinion)

Idk man, I'm bored and got time to kill in church so here we are

(Tagging this is going to be a nightmare-)

(Edit from the future: It was. It really was.)

Redacted:

For sake of my sanity this isn't all the listeners, just the ones I'm still actively keeping up with (I'll get to the others...eventually)

Angel - Solid maybe. Out of all the unempowereds, definitely has one of the highest chances. But it would take an extreme streak of luck.

Babe - No...I'm sorry but no. Would be like one of those extras that you see eaten in the first minute of a horror movie.

Sweetheart - Probably. Can a zombie detect someone invisible? Sweetheart is smart enough to survive, they'll be fine.

Darlin - Yes if they have Sam to hold them back from sacrificing themself for the "greater good". No if they're left completely to their own devices.

Lovely - Depends on the version. Pre Adam, no. Pre Inversion, maybe? Post Inversion, definitely. Hard to die to a zombie apocalypse when you're a) already dead and b) literally immortal.

Treasure - Okay, I know Treasure is the newest addition to the roster and we haven't had a lot of time to see their personality develop but as of now? Yeah...no.

Freelancer - They'll do it on -3 hours of sleep simply out of spite. Freelancer has been through enough, they're just tired. They'd survive but begrudgingly.

Honey - Honey would survive out of spite and spite alone. Would definitely have that baseball bat from The Walking Dead.

GBA:

Guardian - ...you're kidding, right?

Darling - Yeah...no. Soft bby would never.

Faithful - Possibly? That stubborn attitude and medical abilities would help but has absolutely no combat training so ehhhhh, it depends.

Paradise - If she can break a pirate crew out of space Fort Knox and wrangle Yargwynn, a zombie apocalypse is pocket change. Paradise would own an apocalypse.

Partner - I swear I'll stop bullying the new additions. Once they're worth not bullying. The man made the zombie apocalypse, I guess we're gonna find out if he survives won't we? I'm not hopeful though.

Escaped:

Asset - No one in ATW even knows how to do basic math, the only way any of them survive is through sheer force of which they might actually be successful. So maybe.

Raven - Yes but she would have a mental breakdown about it so she would not be the same on the other side.

Slash - ...seriously?

Guest - Hm, a trained vampire slayer in a zombie apocalypse, I wonder what would happen! Obviously she'd be fine.

Intern - Entirely dependent on who they're trying to keep alive. If it's just them, probably. If it's them and the rest of their merry band of misfits, no.

Future Wife - You're funny. RIP my girl, no one will know her husband broke the fuckin timeline for some pancakes.

Agent Schäfer - Once the shock and panic wore off, yeah she'd be fine. Hope she doesn't get eaten during that freeze.

("Where's Lass?" When Desmond returns for more than five minutes, come talk to me about listening to Blue Infinity)

Nomad:

Pack Mom - Definitely. We already know she's a deadly shot and wasn't afraid to shoot a living person, a dead one would be fine. She will be perfectly fine.

Lass - Yes. Not with as much overwhelming power as Pack Mom but she'd get through it. I mean...she has formal sword training, I think she'd do okay.

Little One - Probably not. Out of the original Frosthaven romances, they are the least likely to survive. They'd put up a good fight though.

Lamb - Yes and no. Physically, she'd be just fine. Mentally, I don't know if she could do it. Slipping back into that killer mindset might just drag her under.

Chester's mate - Probably not. Out of all the new Frosthaven romances, they're the most average. They'd try though.

Harlow's roommate - No. I love them but no. Not our slightly stupid boat captain.

Caltraxus' TA - Yes and they'd hate it every step of the way. Would survive completely hungover if that was an option.

The Doctor - Probably? If not by her own merit then definitely through someone else cause everyone needs a doctor in the apocalypse.

Beau's mate - Yes. Literally fought a bear once. She will be just fine.

(The lack of fandom names for Nomad's listeners saddens me greatly. And also makes my work so much harder)

This was so dumb but I had fun so :P

[weaselle]

Dog Walking Post 2 of 3

In the last post, i answered @hatchan by telling the story of Jim, who, because he let one of his 8 dogs get loose, dropped the leashes to his other seven dogs to go retrieve her.

The point of that story is that even though Jim was good with dogs and loved them, he wasn't a good dog walker, because a dog walker needs to have a good head in an emergency.

One of the other guys we hired (who still works for us actually) lets call him Dave, loves dogs and has good calm energy, and he has another trait that is very important in someone who works with dogs: patience. But he's still not ideal for dog walking.

It took me a few months to understand why that was true. See, Dave is kind, and patient, and calm, and that works really well for dogs, so it really seems like Dave is very good with dogs.

But Dave doesn't actually know dogs very well. This finally clicked for me when i was finishing up my early morning walk one day as Dave arrived for work. So as we said our good mornings, i mentioned that i have been working with one of the smaller dogs (that he'd never met) on that walk because she was kind of a nervous dog who barked at pedestrians because she got anxious when we walked by other people. I asked if he would greet her because she could use a positive interaction with a stranger i could trust, to set her up for success by giving her an experience that would not set off her anxiety which would help reinforce the idea that the people that walk by us are nothing to worry about.

I said that exact thing to him, almost word for word. And he, eyes full of sympathy, heart brimming with patience and kindness, with all the best intentions in the world, greeted this small anxious dog by bending at the waist to loom over her and reaching directly for the top of her face.

That's when it clicked for me. See, even though he has a lot of qualities we look for in a dog walker that make his interactions with the average dog go really well (which fooled us into thinking he is really good with dogs) he actually doesn't really understand dogs very thoroughly. He's not able to see things from their point of view enough.

The point of these stories is that when you hire new people, it can be really hard to tell the difference between someone with good qualities for being around dogs in general, and someone with good qualities for being in charge of dogs with various needs in various situations.

Dave and Jim both had a lot of qualities you would think to look for in a dog walker. But while it can be tempting to focus on hiring someone who gets along with dogs really well, what you're actually looking for is the kind of person you would trust to take a classroom on a field trip, who also intimately understands dog behavior. They have to keep their head in an emergency, maintain control of a rowdy group, and they have to know what is going on with a dog the instant they look at that dog.

They have to be able to look at a dog and know right away "that dog is getting ready to be upset about that bike rider" or "that dog is irritated by that other dog" or "that dog sees something they think they might want to eat" or "that dog is nervous and overwhelmed". And the dog walker has to know what they are going to do about those things. Nobody is going to get this right 100% of the time, but they have to be good at it.

In my experience, if they have a basic understanding of dog behavior, if they have a knack for picking up on basic dog communication and can see things from the dog's point of view, they can develop that further on the job. You can point out the nuance of dog behaviors and communications, things like stiff body language or dog facial expressions, and just being around so much of it has honed my own aptitude in this area. If you start with a bit of talent, you can train it into skill.

But you can't train someone into being empathetic enough to see things from a dog's point of view, and you can't train someone into being the kind of person you'd trust to lead a class field trip.

to be continued on another post

[ronearoundblindly]

So I was rereading this ‘This All Day’ from Fools Rush In that I absolutely loveeee. ( btw Fools Rush In is by far the most character accurate Steve fic I’ve ever read. You know him so well 🥰 ) In the fic where it’s like, “He won’t get hard until you’re warmed up with his fingers—not your fingers, mind you, because he got very defensive that one time”

I was wondering if this referencing a one shot where this happened and maybe I missed it cause thinking about how that conversation went down is hilarious but also so sweet. I find it endearing that he’s defensive about it. HE wants to be the one to do it- so sweet 🥰

How do you think Steve would react if she ever wanted to introduce toys into the bedroom? (possible fic idea?). I wonder if he’d be hurt by this and also take it as him not satisfying her properly.

🥴

Oh. Yeah. Right. Caught that line, did ya? Heh...

I'm gonna put this under a cut lol. We shall be discussing adult things.

Steve (if you've read all of FRI's 'Do You Two...Fondue?') has quite a few insecurities about sex, in general, but there is specifically a prowess he would prefer, which is to be the one and the only one to get you off. He doesn't like the idea of not being enough or not knowing how to be enough for his girl, right? But he doesn't exactly have a ton of experience, and his go-getter attitude tends to drop off just shy of "how do you want my dick" obviously.

You know I love Steve, but he doesn't only not have the words for sex--can't dirty talk worth beans because he can't really say things like, well, any of it, not pussy, cunt, dick, or cock, he'll say 'breasts' maybe but otherwise it's just "him" inside "you"--but he also has hangups about varied sexual acts, toys absolutely included in that concept.

He's honestly so slow and tender to warm up to new that he mistook what was meant to be a simple show of how excited and desperate he'd made you (i.e. toughing yourself while he got undressed) as him not being thorough in his foreplay, affection, and general sensuality. Steve doesn't get angered by these things; he gets upset. He gets sad.

There has never been a more laughable and heart-breaking moment in bed for you than the hurt look on his face. It's his duty, his privilege, his job to please you. Don't take his job away from him!

(None of that was in a specific one-shot, just sorta implied throughout.)

I actually think Steve went on several long missions away before realizing you might have wanted/needed to get off without him, and at first, he hates that idea. I think he'd pitch a fucking fit if you had toys for those occasions--even if the use of them is rarer once you two are physically intimate--and yes, you're correct in thinking he'd raise hell at the idea a toy can do something for you that his body cannot.

Except for he uses his body so carefully for you. He's delicate and hesitant. He's traditional and, buddy, sorry, but often very stiff in his approach. Warm and adoring--totally!--but Steve is obsessed with not harming you.

Nevermind how fucking long the conversation is that dissects the difference between pain and 'a minor discomfort that is in service of showing how intensely you need more of your partner immediately,' he still feels strongly that you should never be remotely unprepared to take him and now he doesn't trust you not to rush it (even though/especially because he was so overwhelmed at that first feeling of you that he just thrust in (Fondue pt.16)). He never stops trying to make up for that. He does not much understand that there is a gray area between pain and pleasure.

Of course, that's partly because that whole spectrum is dulled on him, so he is psychologically and emotionally far more aware of their distinction...as one would be when fighting, interrogating, and/or killing.

It is not the most rational train of thought, but Steve was small and weak. He realized that, as he was naturally, he might not be enough for a partner--but that was because he was small and unhealthy. The serum fixed those things, and frankly, Steve has not come to terms with a big, healthy guy perhaps still falling short of being everything you could ever want or need. He's a man. As forward-thinking as he is, he's still a man who absolutely wants to be your man.

There will come a time when...toys are used as aid in [redacted], but I don't want to spoil too much...

Hope all this made sense, and

Thank you for asking!

[Main Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[whumpitisthen]

I don't know if you take a request!

But, can you write about Whumpee with Stockholm Syndrome who went back to Whumper after finally escaped for a month?

I take requests yes but you must know it takes me four years to come up with a single draft for anything so be prepared to wait an indefinite amount of time!! I tried to keep it short and idk if ive succeeded!! Here you go!!

No Longer a Lie

Their goodbye was the same as a soldier’s going off to war. He may never return, and even if he does, he would return a different man. A sombre, yet loving valediction.

Her smile is watery and proud. The kind, thoughtful, caring old lady that found him that day and took him in believes that he is going home today. He had told her his parents have finally arranged everything ready for him to return. He had explained that they didn't expect him to suddenly show up in their life after so many years again, that they lived abroad and needed time to get his papers in order, that they cannot wait to see him again. She believes he is going to heal and find himself, and be safe under the care of his family.

He was lying. He doesn't have a family. He had lied to this sweet, innocent lady so she would not try to stop him from what he is about to do. She thinks she saved him, and that he is going home. To some extent, that is true.

She packed him a backpack full of snacks, spare clothes, even some money. She bought him new clothes to wear. She walked him to the train station, though her rickety hips barely allowed her to stay standing long enough. She watched him get on the train and waved at him all the way up until they could no longer see each other through the window as the platform grew further and further away.

He only cried once he was sure she could not see.

He retraces every step he took a month prior to this day. He minds the gap, turns every corner. He recognises a flower shop in the suburbs. The large, tilted tree in the park. A large graffiti under the cement bridge is his next sign that he is going the right direction.

Soon, the houses become overwhelmingly familiar. A few more blocks, and he will be there. His legs ache, the new, cheap shoes he got from her rub at his heels with every step, bloodying the rough fabric. He could not stop his journey if he wanted. He feels his very heart dragging him along on a leash, back to where he left a month ago, back to where he escaped.

There it is. A secluded house at the edge of town, fenced off with barbed wire and kept in perfect condition. His soles burn, but his pace only quickens. He knows those chain links. He knows those barred windows. He knows that godforsaken garage door. He is home. He made it.

Oh, she would have never let him go if he told her that he considered this prison his home.

Reaching the outer gate, the intimate feeling of fear choking him arises like an old friend. The last time he saw this place from the outside he only got to for a moment in his haste. A glance over his shoulder in the middle of the night, and then he was gone like a ghost. He wonders what all has changed. He doubts anything has.

He hesitates. They will be angry at him, he's sure. So, so angry. He left without warning, without saying anything. To think he thought he could leave without repercussions instead of owning up to his mistake and suffering the consequences. Now, here he is thirty days later, crawling back on trembling legs, in strange clothing and some fat under his skin to beg for forgiveness. He is the most ungrateful, pathetic creature he can imagine. He's sure he will be told as much once the door opens.

He steels himself and presses the bell. It goes off twice in quick succession thanks to his twitchy fingers. He cannot tell if the overwhelming nerves strangling him are of worry or excitement.

He has been away for too long, trying to function in a place he is no longer meant for. He craves this hell like one would their heaven. He knows it's wrong, he knows he could leave right now and go back to the old lady that took care of him like her own son and he could relearn how to be a person and it would all be okay. He rationalises that it's far too late for that.

The ten seconds that pass in silence after the bell chimes are agony spreading over an eternity. His fingers cramp with how fiercely he fists them to his palm. Eventually, however, the entrance opens, and out steps the devil himself.

He stops on the porch, pausing to make sure his eyes aren't playing tricks on him, but he then quickly crosses the distance between the two of them to jerk the gate open and embrace him before his lost darling could even rant off his apology that he has been writing in his head ever since he first took a step outside of this house.

They stand in silence for a long minute.

This moment feels absolutely perfect. Better than he ever expected it to feel; just the most idyllic scene that goes exactly as he had dreamed it would. The hug feels better than he had imagined, so warm and tight and all-encompassing. His red nose finds its way into the crook of the man's neck, nestling in there. He breathes in deep, taking in the smell of comfort, of the wonderfully known and expected; the familiarity.

��I’ve told you so many times. You do not belong out there anymore.”

In reality, what he had experienced with his freedom was not joy, but layers upon layers of anxiety. Everything was new, everything was unusual, everything was terrifying. What he had grown so used to during his years in this house he threw away in blind greed, wanting more from life than the perfect world his owner had made for him.

At first the freedom was elating. Long forgotten concepts like privacy and control had returned and excited him. But then his new circumstances became tiring. One or two core differences became dozens of alien rules he had to rememorise. Then came shame at experiencing such trouble with something that is meant to be no issue at all for anyone; anyone but him. Normal people don't expect perfect obedience in return for tolerance. Normal people don't have to ask for permission to eat when a plate is put in front of them. Normal people don't have to keep their owners content. Normal people aren't scared of their owners. Normal people don't have owners. These are all things he had to get used to, among the sea of other more obscure examples.

The final straw was his curse of worthlessness. He felt he did not deserve any of this. He ran away. He broke so many rules. He was having awful trouble with his new rules. He was ungrateful. And yet, the old lady only showed kindness and care. No punishments, no threats, not even any mocking or insults. Just relentless, angelic forgiveness. She would not hurt him even when he offered, even when he had asked. He could not handle this; he felt like he was going to go insane with guilt.

His owner had told him this countless times, but only now does he truly understand what he had meant, — the complicated, scary life of a free person just isn't suited for him. Not anymore. He is different. He cannot be left alone for long. He cannot function without clear cut rules, routine or punishments. He doesn't think like everyone else. Above everything, what was killing him every day the most was yearning for his owner. He needs his owner. He cannot be away from him, he depends on him too much. He missed him every day, feeling dumber and dumber each day for being so cowardly.

But now, now he is here again, in his owner's capable hands. Everything will make sense again, all his mistakes will be fixed and he can spend the rest of his life atoning for his naïve stupidity. He will take being locked up in this birdcage for the rest of his life. He will take the sharp, unending burn of punishments each time he slips up. He will take it all without a word if that's what his owner wants. He missed him more than should be possible. He cries. He is so happy.

His relief is crushed as soon as the door locks behind him, and he is once again all alone with the man. His freshly washed hair is grabbed and he is dragged all the way down to the source of all of his nightmares, sent to the floor viciously. His crying turns desperate. He is barely left time to gasp out a plea before he is grabbed again and tied up much too tightly, rope burning over old, thick scarring along his wrists. His cries are muffled with a gag, and his tears are soaked up with a blindfold.

He becomes inconsolable then. He knew this would happen, he knew he would be punished, he knows he deserves it — but this is all too sudden, juxtaposed horribly by the tenderness of that hug that he waited a month for and needed more than he ever realised. Now it's like his owner is a different man, mercilessly restraining him and not saying a word, just like when he is truly furious. He didn't seem angry at all before. His owner seemed as relieved as he did.

He can tell he is dropped off in the middle of the basement by how cold it is and how his skin catches on the drain under him. He is pulled to kneel, and while he tries his best to obey every wordless order, his limbs have become useless jelly, flowing in all the wrong directions.

The punishment is severe. So severe that he is certain he won't survive it. The first to break are his legs. He might not ever be able to walk again, much less run away from consequences. His arms are wrenched behind and up until his shoulders pop, rendering all his limbs useless. They are left there like that, hanging off him like parasites that feed on his agony. He is beaten with something heavy, made of iron. That breaks several more bones, his ribs mostly. His screams start dying down then, not for a lack of trying. The gag muffles every apology he sobs into it, ensuring he will only be able to say sorry once his owner has decided he is truly sorry.

He is reduced to a bag of flesh to be abused. He cannot fight any of it, he cannot see any of it and he cannot stop any of it. He has never felt so much like an object before in his life, not with the old lady, not prior escaping, not prior to being caught. Still, he never even thinks about regretting coming back. He never holds anything against his master, he never holds a grudge or resentment. He deserves this for disobeying him, and his owner deserves his pain as compensation. He deserves this, he deserves this, please, please let him say he deserves all of it and see how he regrets running. He needs to say it, he needs this to end, he wants nothing more than to grovel at the man's feet and sob over and over how worthless he is and how he will never ever try anything like this again.

The only way this can end is if he is forgiven, but he cannot be forgiven until he has apologised.

The blindfold is never removed, not like his bindings and the gag. This distresses him greatly even as he is cuddled in his owner's arms once again, exhausted. The blindfold only ever comes out for the worst of his mistakes. When his master is angry with him. When a simple slap or two or a couple days without food isn't enough. The fact that it is still on even hours after he was finally allowed to beg for forgiveness — he just cannot relax. He supposes that's probably the reason why it's still on. He can’t just forget about what he did so easily with one round of torment. He hopes it will be taken off soon, but at the same time, he has no hope for it coming off in the coming days.

He doesn't even know if he has suffered enough yet. This small thing could very well signal that he will be atoning for this transgression for up to another month; just as long as he had spent away from here. The thought terrifies him enough to sob brokenly into his owner's chest, huddled up against him as he is. He’s rewarded with a light pet. He whispers a thank you.

The man pauses at that, causing his body to tense in preparation of more pain. Wonderfully, however, all that comes is more gentleness, a hand that has hurt him so many times now digging down to the roots of his hair and scratching in a pleasant rhythm. He has never been more thankful. The smallest of kindnesses from his owner are enough for him to forget all about the month of constant mercy from the old lady that took care of him unconditionally. Something must be wrong with him. He doesn't think about that for too long.

“I am so glad you came back,” — his master murmurs.

No one loves him like his master loves him. The old lady… was stupid. She was an idiot. Who would take in a stranger off the street, half-dead, and spoil him like she did? That's moronic. Her kindness — it doesn't matter. Any grain of sweetness from this man means more than a whole year of hers. He loves him. She was just a dumb old lady.

He feels awful for thinking this. His brain is at battle with his heart, trying to convince himself that this is what he is meant to be, that this is right, while feeling a dark emptiness building in his lungs.

Later, once his body is no longer useless and he can do as he is told, he does so. When he is told to clean, he cleans. When he is told to stay still, he stays still. When he is told to hold his breath, he holds his breath. Neither of them mention it. His owner doesn't tease him for falling back into old habits so soon. He doesn't even think to resist or think for himself. This is their norm. Nothing out of the ordinary. How it is supposed to be. Every night, he tells himself he is happy and loved. He feels his owner's arms around him, holding him close, pushing on his dark, painful bruises and he thanks him for allowing him to stay. His master tells him he loves him, and he smiles, saying the same thing.

And he means it.

~

Masterlist | Ko-fi

Taglist: @morning-star-whump @whumprince

[evanvison]

For this post, I'll be going over the relationships between characters and just going over the characters themselves. *Spoilers ahead*

starting with the main character herself, Karen! She is an outgoing person who starts off kind of lazy and she doesn't try super hard to outdo anyone. Only once she starts competing in the fights does she realize she needs to work harder to beat the others. Her motivation to perform with Hikari and to never quit even when faced with the tragedy that they are destined to never get to perform together. By the time we reach the movie, we finally get to see her past and understand just how much that promise with Hikari meant to her. Then we see her spend the entire movie giving it her all and pushing forward through her past to find Hikari. When she really wants something she becomes this unstoppable force that I just love to see. Especially when our first perception of her was that she was lazy when in fact she just lost her motivation for acting. As soon as Hikari came back so did Karen's motivation.

Now on to Hikari. At the start, we see her as cold and a bit standoffish. Then we slowly learn she is just as sweet and caring as Karen, she just likes to hide it because she knows the story of Starlight is a tragedy and this can only end one way. It's like if Juliet knew the whole time how Romeo and Juliet ended and tried distancing herself to prevent it and while it saved Romeo it couldn't save her. Hikari the woman you are. If only Karen wasn't so dead set on rewriting the story. Hikari almost got away with it too. Cause who doesn't like a happy ending? Also learning that Hikari is the reason both she and Karen are obsessed with theater was so fun for her character. I love the "we swapped personalities as we got older" characters.

Brief talk about these two divas. Maya (brown hair) is such a good character! The sheer aura of power she had at the start was so well built up and while she is still incredibly talented and strong- I like how now that everyone else is improving so quickly, her overwhelming aura is now less noticeable as they are all closer to the same level as each other. She also is just so cute. The way she composes herself is precious at times.

Then there is Claudine (blond hair). She is so dramatic and her need to pick fights with Maya is always funny. Seeing her bond with Futaba (pink hair) was honestly so nice to see as a duo as well. She knows she needs to improve but she also knows that much like Karen, she would rather do it when Maya is there.

For Kaoruko (shorter blue hair) and Futaba as a duo, I have little to say other than they are such an old married couple. They fight a lot but they would die if they couldn't talk anymore. Now individually, Kaoruko is fun, she learns she has to put some work in on her own to grow as an actor. Her schemes to try and get Futaba to chase her are hilarious. Then there's Futaba. I really liked Futaba and how hard she worked to improve. She is so friendly to everyone and is honestly such a good friend. I especially liked how even though she barely made it into Seisho (the theater academy) By the end of the movie she is now attending the most prestigious women's troupe in the country.

Now Mahiru (girl above)! Oh, my poor little love-struck baby. Her love for Karen is so sweet and heartbreaking. It's adorable but also her love for Karen and her ability to shine on a stage adds to Mahiru's train of thought that she doesn't shine. Her learning that she really is just as amazing and dazzling as the rest is so nice to see. A lesson in self-love for the win! Also, to all my MaHiKaren shippers out there I love you!

On a similar note, we have Junna (purple hair)! She also suffers from underestimating herself. She tries to make up for it in her head by overworking herself and showing how amazing she is at literature and history. Then she learns that she is amazing and proves it so well in the movie. Also, her being able to notice when Nana (blond bananah hair) is acting strange is so nice because it really shows 1. How kind and compassionate Jun Jun is and 2. How close she and Bananah are.

Then we have Nana. Yes, they call her Bananah as a nickname and it's cute. Oh, all the things I could say about Bananah. *SPOILERS* I MEAN IT!! ITS SUCH A GOOD TWIST PLEASE GO WATCH IT!! So Nana is a time traveler. Once the group reached their 2nd year they got the invitations to join the giraffe's auditions. In their 1st year, their class performed the play Starlight and they decided they would keep doing that play as their performance every year until they graduated to show how much they have improved. Bananah believed that their first Starlight was the most amazing play she had ever seen and wanted to relive it over and over. Then in their second year when all the giraffe's auditions start, she learns that if she wins she will get to wish for any stage she wants. At this point, she had lost most of her motivation due to missing their old performance so much and not wanting anything to change. So when she learned she could wish to go back to that stage. Suddenly her motivation peaked and she crushed the auditions beating everyone. She won and got her wish. So time was reversed and only she remembered. She got to relive that year and stage again. Then she continued to do this over and over and over. Winning all the auditions and turning back time. We still don't really know how many times she did this. but we know she did it A LOT! At least from the timelines we see pass by in the episode. Then something strange happens and Hikari transfers into their class. She has never appeared in any other timeline. We learn this is partially due to the giraffe's intervention and magic. So Hikari enters, which gives Karen motivation and she jumps into the auditions. This means there is an uneven number of contestants and Karen and Hikari are soaring through the ranks. Then we have the Nana fights and Bananah learns that she can't keep restarting the clock. She needs to accept change.

Nana is honestly my favorite character. Her motivations are understandable and seeing her get to play the villain was so awesome she can be incredibly scary when she wants to be. That's not even getting into her arch in the movie. Boy that one is fun too! But it is just as long so I'm not doing that. I love that she is the closest to the giraffe as well. It really shows how much she's done this and shows why she is so strong.

I really love these characters and I am so glad I took the time to just talk about them here because I really don't talk about this show much for how much I love it. So thank you all for reading my ranting about a show I just love. NOW GO WATCH IT! It's on Funimation and if you don't have that they provide a free trial that gives you plenty of time to watch the show and movie (otherwise there are always other ways *wink wink*). It's only one season long, 12 episodes. Also, have a good day or night, everyone!

[messedupfan]

I'm With You| 12

Summary: After taking the time she needed in order to heal and figure herself out, Y/n is ready to move on from Natasha Romanoff.

A/N: Hello! Sorry I still don't have a proper chapter for Wonderstruck yet :( But here's one for this story! Hope y'all are doing well! Enjoy!

Masterlist | All Chapters | Taglist

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Several Months Later

Y/n tosses and turns in her bed, sweating profusely. Moans of discomfort can be heard in the room across from hers. Disrupting the Sokovian witch’s night practices. Wanda knew that if she wanted to access every ability possible, she had to keep discovering them. And with the amount of missions that she gets sent on lately, there wasn’t a lot of time to discover new abilities. She only got to practice and perfect what they knew how to help train her. 

Another loud groan breaks her focus and she recognizes the sound. She quickly leaves her room to check on her friend. She knocks on the door a few times, calling out Y/n’s name. When there isn’t a response other than more pain noises, she uses her powers to unlock the door.

“Y/n!” she gasps. The girl's veins are glowing and her eyes are open but are replaced by a bright yellow light. She tries to access her mind from this distance but all she can get is a few flashes of images. She turns on the lights in the room and hurries to her friend's side. She looks at the girl's body from head to toe. The clothing she is wearing is burning off without flames. Revealing wounded flesh with veins glowing yellow. Wanda blinks a few times in hopes it was some bizarre hallucination. When it doesn't stop, she starts panicking, having no idea how to fix this. 

“Okay, okay, you're going to have to trust me here,” she puts both hands over the burning stone and emits her red energy. “STOP!” She shouts. 

The yellow glow travels up Y/n's veins and collects at the stone. Her eyes shut and they're normal when they open. Her temperature drops, her body absorbs the sweat, and her clothes return to normal. “Hey Wanda,” she says as if nothing has happened. She can tell that her friend is worried and she frowns, “What's wrong?”

“You,” she struggles to answer. “I-I,” she points to the door. “I was practicing in my room and heard something coming from here and the stone was doing something bad to you.”

“Oh!” Y/n sits up as she figures out how to explain that it wasn't anything bad. “It was showing me things, Wanda. I was safe,” she says. 

“It didn't sound safe, definitely didn't look like it.” Wanda says skeptically. 

“It doesn't feel pleasant, but it wasn't anything bad. I promise,” she vaguely explains as she moves off of the bed. 

“What is it then?” She looks at her with apprehension. Wanda is concerned that her friend isn't being safe. 

“In order to communicate with the stone, I have to let it connect with all of me. All it was doing was showing me things,” Y/n states calmly as she takes her friends hands. “It’s like you and your late night studies,” she compares. “I’m only trying to discover more about myself.”

“But you weren't just seeing yourself, there was more,” she recalls the flashes of people dying from what she was able to get from your mind. “What are you hiding?”

Y/n is hiding a lot, but she doesn’t know it. After discovering just how much knowledge she can find out through the stone, she couldn’t help but learn as much as she could. It was a bit overwhelming, but she liked discovering the endless possibilities. Know about the kinds of threats they may face. Find out what could happen at the team's next missions. Things like that. And though she was curious about her personal life, she enjoyed living each day as if she didn’t possess the ability to know beforehand. She also enjoyed learning about the secrets of the universe and the keys to life. However, she never got to keep a full conscious memory of these moments with the stone. She remembers a few bits of information here and there, but never enough to give her anxiety in her day to day. 

So, when Y/n tells Wanda, “I’m not hiding anything,” she technically isn’t lying. Wanda believes her and drops the subject. “Have you been working on that healing trick I showed you?” 

Wanda nods, “Yeah but,” she lets out a small laugh, “it’s tough to practice when I don’t have someone else to heal. And I don’t think harming myself is the answer.”

“No, that’s definitely not the answer,” Y/n giggles. “Well, we can start small. Look for injured animals and work from there.” 

“We?” Wanda asks. 

Y/n nods, “Of course, you shouldn't have to do this alone.” She reaches her hand out to Wanda who accepts it gratefully. The two gaze into each other's eyes with longing but neither does anything to get closer than they already are. 

“I wish you were ready for me,” Wanda whispers. 

Y/n gulps, her eyes drop to Wanda's lips and jump back to her green eyes. “I-”  Her words are cut off as the emergency mission alarm and lights go off. “I swear, that's the worst thing my dad has ever invented.” She mutters as she drops her head. 

Wanda laughs as she rubs Y/n’s arm. “I think it just saved you.”

Y/n shakes her head and lifts it to look Wanda in the eye again. “I don't need saving this time.” This catches the telepath's attention and instead of having the two of them rush off. She remains standing in front of her. Waiting for her to make a move. Y/n steps closer as a wave of nervousness washes over her. Just as she is about to kiss her, someone is banging on her door. 

“Come on! It's an Avenger level threat!” Pietro says as he continues to slap his hand against the door. “Quit making out in there!” Wanda groans as everything continues to disrupt the moment and the two girls have to leave the room. 

Wanda opens the door with an evil glare for her brother. “We weren't making out,” she says through gritted teeth. Pietro holds his hands up in surrender.

“I’m sorry, I thought Y/n was in there with Natasha again. I should've known it was you in there when I couldn't find you in your room. Well, we've got to go.” Pietro speeds off to the meeting room where everyone else should be. Wanda is thrown off by the information her brother had dropped so casually and she turns to Y/n. 

“Why did Pietro think you would be making out with Nat?” Wanda says. 

Y/n panics at the question and tries to divert the topic of conversation. “Come on, we're already running behind. We don't want to get in trouble,” she pulls Wanda out of her room and the telepath follows with a frown. She knows that something is wrong. She calls Y/n's name to try and get her back to the question but the girl expertly avoids the topic and when they get to the rest of the team there isn't time for questions like that. It was time to get serious about the mission.

As per usual, there isn't much time for a briefing, so they all pile into two separate quinjets. They used to only use one until it got destroyed in the middle of a mission and they had to wait around for hours for another to arrive. Except for Thor, he wished the team luck and called for Heimdall to transport him out of there. Those that have the ability to fly don’t typically fly long distances and they were exhausted from the fight. 

Y/n buckles in and Wanda sits next to her so she doesn't miss when Natasha smirks at Y/n as she passes the girl on the way to pilot the jet. A look that she hasn't really seen from the former assassin. There was something going on and Wanda didn't like it. So, she breaks the rules and taps into Natasha's mind to get her answers. 

“I can't do this again with you, Nat.” Y/n says as she enters her bedroom. 

“Come on, Y/n. It's just one night. I know you miss me. I've seen you staring in training.” Natasha says as she dances her fingers on Y/n’s forearm. Referring to the other day when she was teaching Wanda some hand to hand combat moves. Natasha came up to her when the young Stark returned from a night out. She was tired of spending all of her time in the Avengers tower so she went out with Wanda and Pietro to show them around the city. It was a magical time. “I miss you, Y/n,” Natasha admits softly. “You’re the only person who knows how to make my toes curl.” 

Y/n scoffs as she moves around the room, “Ah so you were having bad sex when you were cheating on me.” She removes her watch and sets it in her case of watches. Wanda remembers playing with it during dinner. Natasha closes her eyes as she tries not to let the words hurt. They come from a place of pain that she caused and she knows that it's going to take a long time to heal. “Look, Nat. I don't know why you're here. Don't you have your agreement with Hill or even some other agent? If you're that desperate for a lay, I'm sure you can find anyone to screw you if you walk into a place and ask.” 

Natasha is surprised by the way Y/n is speaking to her. “Wow, I never thought you'd be a slut shamer.” 

Y/n sighs, “I’m not shaming and I’m not calling you a slut. I'm making a suggestion. I don't want you, but plenty of people out there do. Go proposition one of them.” 

Natasha steps in front of Y/n when she tries to leave the room. “I don't want any of them. I never have. I didn't even want Hill. I want you, I only ever want to be with you. Y/n, you're the only person I've ever given my heart. That means something to me. Please, give me another chance to show you how much I care about you.” She places her hand on Y/n’s chest and stares deeply into her eyes and Y/n can see that she is being genuine. 

However, genuine or not it doesn't change the fact that Y/n is falling for someone else. That she is starting to forget the girl that allowed Natasha to string her along for so long. “Nat, I-” her words are cut off by Natasha's lips. The feeling is unfortunately something that Y/n's body misses. She was touch starved, other than a few stolen touches between her and Wanda, Y/n hasn't been in any romantic physical contact in months. She pulls away from Natasha for a second and looks at the woman's face and is filled with a strong anger and surprisingly, a strong desire for her. 

Y/n pulls Natasha into another kiss and the Black Widow is excited to be getting her way. She knew that she would be able to convince her somehow. The two continue to kiss aggressively and Y/n walks Natasha into a wall. She rips Natasha's shirt down the middle to expose her bra covered chest and she feels a familiar tingle at the sight. 

That's when Pietro struts in and interrupts the interaction. Snapping Y/n out of her lustful haze. “Shit,” she curses under her breath as she steps away from Natasha, feeling as though a bucket of ice water was just dumped on her. “I, shit, I have to get out of here.” 

Wanda leaves Natasha’s mind and looks at Y/n with concern and a bit of betrayal. She didn’t understand why Y/n would cave into Natasha’s advances like that. Especially after spending a day with her and Pietro. Was Y/n playing Wanda the way she was played by Natasha? Did she mean it when she said that she had feelings for Wanda? She feels so much better about the kiss being interrupted. Wanda is certain that she would be much more upset if she had to find this out after thinking that Y/n only wanted her. 

Y/n is panicking about how to explain what happened to Wanda. She knew that she was always going to have to explain herself but she thought she had more time. Y/n looks over at Natasha and she can't believe she let herself get caught up in the Black Widow's webs of deception. It was a mistake. She doesn't want Natasha. She wants Wanda. She looks away from Natasha and looks to Wanda, she notices the ring of red that glows in her irises when she's using her powers. Y/n knows what Wanda is doing and part of her is upset that she isn't being allowed the moment to explain. But she had the chance and she deflected. 

When it looks like Wanda is done finding what she is looking for, Y/n gives the girl a moment to process. She hopes she can see that Y/n fought the advances. Hopes that she stopped at the first kiss but prepares herself for if she didn't. In the intercom there is an update on the estimated time of arrival. Y/n doesn't want either her or Wanda to be distracted on the mission so she takes the chance now. “Wanda, I know what you saw in there but please give me a chance to explain after the mission.” Y/n pleads in a low voice. 

“I don't know why I should,” she responds in a cold tone. 

“I can't give you a reason, Wanda. All I can do is ask,” Y/n says softly. “Please give me a yes or no before we have to hop out of here? I don't want any lives lost or at risk because I'm distracted.” 

Wanda scowls and scoffs, having taken offense, “Don’t use the mission to manipulate an answer out of me!” 

“That’s not what I meant. I'm sorry,” Y/n sighs, feeling defeated. “I just, will you please hear me out?” 

Wanda looks into Y/n's eyes and feels a little guilty for her outburst. But she is still hurt. How can she trust someone that was raised by a womanizer? For all she knows, it's just in her nature to treat people this way. Unless it was truly a mistake. People make mistakes. Maybe she can forgive the young Stark for this one mistake. “We can talk after,” she finally says as she unbuckles her seat to get ready to hop out of the jet. 

“Thank you,” Y/n says as she prepares herself as well. 

The mission takes longer than anyone anticipated. There were more people with more illegal alien type weapons than anyone could have predicted. The advanced weapons even affect the strongest of Avengers. When Y/n is hit in the arm with one of the laser beams, it hurts her and it leaves an open wound. Something she hasn't experienced since before the stone. She uses it to get rid of as many of the perpetrators as possible but while she is focused on the ones in front of her. Another sneaks up on her side and fires at her before she kills him. Y/n falls to the ground and Wanda rushes to her side. 

“If you think you can get out of explaining yourself, you are mistaken,” Wanda says as she gets the two of them into a hiding spot that is safe from the battle. It wasn't supposed to go this far. It was meant to be a simple infiltration into an illegal arms base. But it turned out to be an ambush. Wanda tries her healing technique on Y/n’s arm first before she attempts to get to the bigger one on her side. “I know you said that you would help with my training but this isn't what I had in mind.” 

Y/n gives a weak smile, “Trust me,” she coughs, “I didn't want to be your guinea pig either.” She flinches as Wanda's magic stings. Y/n can feel every cell in her arm being manipulated into healing faster than what's natural. She doesn't understand. When it was the stone healing her, it was painless. She never felt the injuries, never felt the repair. Now however, whatever is in those weapons is working against her abilities. The pain slowly subsides and the magic begins to work on closing the wound. Y/n sighs from the relief. “Thanks, Maximoff.” 

“It's nothing, Stark. How does that feel now?” Wanda asks as she rubs her thumb on the small scar that's been left behind. Maybe once they're done with the mission it will go away. At least she hopes it does. Y/n was the most indestructible out of all of them and it worries her that she is affected by these weapons. 

“Better,” Y/n whispers, breaking the girl in front of her out of her thoughts. Y/n licks her lips as she stares at the girl that has healed her far too many times to keep track of. She knows that she has a lot of explaining to do but right now, she needs to show Wanda how she feels before it's too late. As the telepath begins to focus on healing the big wound on Y/n's side, the young Stark surprises her by finally pulling Wanda into a kiss. 

It's sweet and short as there isn't much time when they're trying to save the world from the monsters outside of the wall, but it's just as passionate. “What was that for?” Wanda asks as they break apart. 

“Just in case one of us doesn't make it out,” Y/n whispers. Not wanting this to be the moment she tells her how deep her feelings run for the Sokovian woman. 

Wanda shakes her head with a scowl and a deep frown as she starts working on the wound again, “Don’t think like that.” 

“Okay, I'm sorry,” Y/n says sincerely. She groans as this one is much worse to fix than the one on her arm. When she is patched up, she gets back to action. 

It takes until Tony comes up with a great strategy that the team is able to come out on top and Y/n finds out why her abilities were stunted. There was a device that emitted a certain type of sound waves that distorted the stone and cost her the ability to heal. She wanted to destroy it but thought maybe if she were to study it, she could create a device to help her detect other devices like it, if there are such a thing. 

On the flight home, Wanda and Y/n are separated in order to heal those that wanted a rapid fix. Some people still preferred to be looked after by Dr. Helen Cho because they wanted to help further her research for the benefit of the rest of humanity. Y/n is glad that they trust Wanda enough in her abilities to take care of them even though she is still learning how to use them. Wanda is grateful for the extra practice. 

Arriving back to the tower, Y/n wants nothing more than to shower. Feel the warm water rain down on her skin. She drops the device she got on the mission off at the lab and makes a b-line to her room. She hops in the shower and feels refreshed as she thinks about the kiss she shared with Wanda. It fills her entire body with a joy and giddiness that she hasn't experienced in some time. 

When Y/n walks out of the shower, Wanda is sitting on her bed waiting patiently. “I would have joined you in there but I didn't want you to think you were off the hook,” Wanda says with a straight face. 

The corner of Y/n's mouth lifts a little bit. She knows that her love interest was being serious so it doesn't sit there for long. “The kiss didn't mean anything to me.” She starts as the towel she was wearing disappears into a shirt and sweatpants. 

“Which kiss are you talking about, Y/n? Mine or her's?” Wanda tilts her head to the side with her arms crossed. 

Y/n wants to roll her eyes at the attitude she is receiving while she is trying to be vulnerable but she knows this is only coming from a place of hurt. “Hers, I didn't want her-”

“It certainly looked like you did,” she interrupts and Y/n sighs. 

“Wanda, this is only going to work if you hear me out. If you don't want to listen, then I don't know what we're doing here,” Y/n says with a frown as she sits next to Wanda on the bed. “I thought you wanted to talk about this.” As Y/n looks at the face that usually sparks joy in her heart, she realizes that there is something off about her. Y/n’s vision changes and she can see the face technology on Natasha and she cannot believe that the spy would stoop so low. 

“I honestly can't look at you anymore without thinking about what you did,” Natasha turns her face away from Y/n and the younger woman plays along with her. Y/n puts a hand on her shoulder and Natasha pretends to recoil from it. “Don’t touch me!” She stands dramatically. “I honestly can't even be in the same room as you!” Natasha storms out and Y/n falls on her bed with her hands on her face feeling emotionally exhausted. She doesn't understand why, after she is finally no longer chasing Natasha, the former assassin won't leave her alone now.

There is a soft knock on the door and Y/n's heart flutters as her body recognizes the energy entering the room. “Hey, are you ready to talk?” Wanda's soft voice relaxes Y/n’s muscles as the girl joins the other on the bed. “What’s wrong?” Y/n leans into her delicate touch as Wanda combs through her hair with her fingers. 

Y/n removes her hands from her face and scans Wanda’s just to confirm in her mind what her body already knows. This is Wanda. “Nothing, now that you're here,” she whispers softly. 

Wanda smiles a little but she can't neglect the reason she is here. “I need to hear your side before I can let you say those kinds of things,” she says as she continues to stroke Y/n's hair, soothing away all of the negativity she felt moments ago. Y/n nods. 

“Natasha caught me off guard at a bad time. I don't know how much you saw but I had a lot of sexual tension built up from our outing,” Y/n gestures between them, “and when she kissed me, the lust took over. I shouldn't have let it and I'm sorry that I didn't stop it sooner. I don't want Natasha. I want to be with you. There is no excuse for what I did. I just hope that you can forgive me.” 

Wanda takes a shaky breath, it's hard to digest the information that was just given to her. She knows that she loves Y/n but she feels as though she has lost a bit of trust for her. She saw how quickly that annoyance in the girl's eyes turned to desire. Maybe it was the body reacting according to the nature of the relationship. But how is she supposed to know that given a similar circumstance in the future, Y/n won't have the same reaction? What if there is no one to stop it before it goes too far next time? The answer is that she is supposed to trust Y/n. But can she? Wanda doesn't know yet. 

“Why did I see her coming out of your room just now?” Wanda asks next. 

“She was pretending to be you, having a bad version of this conversation.” Y/n admits and Wanda can tell that you're being truthful. 

Wanda gets momentarily playful. “Oh? And how was she? Convincing?” 

Y/n laughs, “For a woman with so many skills, being you definitely isn't one of them. I could tell it was a facade.” 

This makes Wanda feel a little better. Maybe that kiss was a one time mistake. Is she willing to put her heart at risk? Wanda begins to stroke Y/n's face as she admires the girl's features. If she's honest with herself, she knows that her heart has been at risk long before now. If she didn't want to get hurt, she shouldn't have grown closer to the woman laying beneath her. “I forgive you,” she softly replies. 

By the door, Natasha was listening. She thought she had pulled off her act flawlessly and she was returning as herself to collect her reward. She didn't bank on Wanda showing up. Her jaw tightens as she sees Y/n getting the love and attention she deserves, and it's not coming from Natasha. That should be her in the room right now. Part of her knows she should let the girl go, but something else tells her that the two of them are meant to be. She leaves them be for the time being as she thinks about how she can win Y/n over again.

Meanwhile, Wanda and Y/n are making each other laugh as they touch each other lovingly. Y/n is still laying awkwardly on the bed with her feet planted on the floor as she is bent on the edge. And Wanda is sitting next to her with one leg on the bed and the other on the floor. Y/n dances her fingers on Wanda's thigh as Wanda's travel down the girl's face to her neck. 

“Am I going to have to wait until our first date to kiss you again?” Y/n asks licking her lips as her eyes flit between Wanda's enchanting green eyes and her perfect lips.

“Well, that depends. When is this first date happening?” She leans in teasingly as she moves her hand across Y/n's shoulder and down her bicep. She lifts the sleeve a little to take a second to check if the scar is there. She is relieved to see that it's gone. 

“I was thinking this weekend, if the criminal masterminds are nice enough to give us the day off,” she says as she puts the soft fabric of the hem of Wanda's shirt between her fingers. “How does Friday sound?”

“Mmm,” Wanda pretends to consider the questions. “Do you think you can go that long without kissing someone?” The playful look in her eyes makes Y/n giggle. 

“Wow! Now I feel like I shouldn't kiss you just to prove a point,” Y/n says as she tries to pout but her smile doesn't let her. 

“You can do that,” Wanda says in a simple tone. “Or you can just kiss me already.”

With the okay, Y/n stops playing with the shirt and puts her hand on Wanda's hip. “That’s all I needed,” she leans up and Wanda leans down so the two of them can share a sweet kiss once again. As their lips meet, their minds go blank, only focusing on the way the other is making them feel. Wanda feels comfortable and giddy at the same time. Like this has been something that the girls have always done while still feeling the excitement of finally being able to kiss her. While Y/n is feeling safe for the first time and not worrying about what this kiss means, she knows exactly what this kiss means and that is so freeing. 

Wanda and Y/n break away from the kiss and smile at each other. “Yeah, I don't think I can go three days without that,” Y/n says as she starts to lean in for more. “But I only want kisses from you.”

“Good,” Wanda kisses her once, “because I won’t put up with you kissing anyone else anymore.” She kisses her again and Y/n cannot believe her luck. She was so close to losing this chance and she wasn't going to mess this up.

Chapter 13

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