#//roy has that inner guilt that he deserved getting choked by atem for all that he's done.

[flamesignite]

You deserve this

How long had it been since he last had nightmares? At least a few months, the last one being where he was remembering every single memory he did in Ishval.

This one was a little different than the ones he was used to. He was watching himself, not in the moment as if he's watching a television show and having an out of body experience.

Watching thousands die from his hands, he couldn't bare to watch, but he couldn't look away, his nightmare wouldn't let him, wouldn't let him forget just what he did to those innocent people.

He could feel himself shudder, his body shaking, regret and guilt coming back to haunt him. He couldn't take it, he wanted to scream, but he couldn't speak. He could feel his whole body on fire, maybe he deserved this, to forever be reminded of things he's done, where he couldn't look away.

He could never look away from those he's killed. They would never forget his face as they see him snap his very fingers and flames engulf them. He would forever have their blood on his hands, so he wouldn't dare forget them, his guilt and hate for himself wouldn't let him forget the very people who didn't deserve what he did to them.

It continued like this for what felt like minutes, till finally, one person that never entered his nightmares before did.

Is that...?!

"Stop! This isn't right!" He was in front of some innocent Ishvalans when the other Roy was about to snap. Roy just stares at at the man that resembled Atem. It couldn't be, could it? This was a nightmare right? This wasn't REAL.

"I'm sorry..." He whispers softly, his fingers already barely touching, they were so close. Roy couldn't bear it, he couldn't bear to stand there and watch as his the self from his past who was just following orders was about to snap his fingers on the very man whom he was in love with.

"STOP! Don't!" Roy screams out at the other, "Don't you dare touch him!"

"The man I love would never hurt me." Atem's voice spoke up. "You wouldn't hurt me, would you?" He questioned, but looks over at Roy himself instead of the other.

"Would you?"

"You deserve this murderer. You deserved what you had coming. You deserve far worse than what I did to you."

What...?

He knew he probably did deserve it, but did he... really hear that from Atem? He had the same eyes as he did that night he choked him. Atem kept saying how he didn't deserve that that he didn't want to choke him, it was at that snake, but was that really true?

Apart of his brain is showing him that he felt like he DID deserve it. Especially it being someone he loved to do it to him. Even after Atem said he had no right to pass judgement on him.

Was that why he didn't stop him that night? It would make more sense because he could have easily pulled him off of him. Roy was much stronger than Atem muscle wise. So, why... why did he feel this way? The answer was obvious, right in front of him!

Atem's hands reached out to him, lightly pressing them against his neck again squeezing. Roy didn't stop them, he just stared into his eyes again.

"Murderer! You deserve the worst punishment possible!"

He couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, he tried to grasp his arms but he couldn't even see his own arms. There was fire coming from behind him, Roy tried to speak, but it was too late. The Fire engulfed Atem and he disappeared from sight. In that place was himself, the one that he was trying to stop--

Roy gasped, choking on his breath as he woke up from the nightmare that had engulfed his very being. He wasn't okay in the slightest and it showed in his heaving noises, trying to breath. The panic set in as he looked around and saw Atem still laying beside him unharmed.

It was all a nightmare, that's all it was, wasn't it? Atem was fine, he was HERE. That's what mattered, but he's still having trouble breathing as he chokes on soft gasps.

The guilt was still there and he knew deep down he deserved a punishment for his crimes, but did he really think he deserved it from Atems hand?