#//reflectin on the shit

[simiansmoke]

He's a bit tired, but that plus the few drinks he's had doesn't stop him from vibing out on the bar's balcony. No one's out tonight because of the drizzle, but that doesn't stop him from lighting up and blowing smoke out into the dark towards the harsher sound of the waterfall in the distance.

Licking the smoke flavor out of his teeth, he considered the distance from him to the river and its roar, and just how much the current rain fall would cause it to swell the banks.

Humming, he made sure he was still alone before musing to himself with gravelly rendition. "-when the storms don't seem to end... I'll be there to pull you in." Taking another drag, he puffs the smoke out and watches it get shredded through with the rain bullets. "When you're reaching out...I'll never let you drown-"

[fllthyfrank]

still around, just maybe not here. this is the first fandom i've been in where it ended before my love for it did. if that makes sense.

had an incredible time here, good enough that i still think about it daily.

it was the best time, truly.

[shatteredfears-arch]

was awake all night bc *sick and still gotta go to work esp bc from my understanding the sick day policies have changed in cali and i havent read them yet

[blvckentropy]

WARNING LONG RANT!

Okay so I've been sitting on Drake so called "diss track" and I still declare it as the biggest CONTRADICTING ASS track ever. Like I get die hard Drake fans gone be like he won regardless but he hasn't because he made several deep holes in his argument. Granted you probably don't give a damn and that's fine. Overall, neither do I but some of you got so blinded and hyped by his one-liners and his flow that you ain't peep what he really said did you? Ngl, had me sitting here like a was crazy for a minute. Now correct me if I'm wrong cause I also had to fact check myself, but these are the lines that got me like now wait wait....

You said, "The ones that you're gettin' your stories from, they all clowns" just to say "We plotted for a week and then we fed you the information".... which one is it? Are you calling yourself a clown or the ppl you sent the info. to? I'm perplexed.

"What about the bones we dug up in that excavation? And why isn't Whitney denyin' all of the allegations? Why is she following Dave Free and not Mr. Morale? You haven't seen the kids in six months, the distance is wild Dave leaving heart emojis underneath pics of the child"

First and for most, what is your obsession with this woman? Also are we in high school? Why we worried about someone follow count and/or who following who? She a grown ass woman like she can't have male friends. Plus, if irl she with Kendrick every day, why does she need to? And if Kendrick aint worried about, why are you? You caught up in finding out if that's her real bd but where are your evidence? If Kendrick has to, you do too. Childish.

BUT THIS IS WHERE IT GOT DISRESPECTFUL!

"This Epstein angle was the shit I expected TikTok videos you collected and dissected Instead of being on some diss-direct shit You rather fucking grab your pen and misdirect shit My mom came over today and I was like, "Mother, I—, mother, I—, mother—" Ah, wait a second, that's that one record where you say you got molested"

"This about to get so depressin' This is trauma from your own confessions This when your father leave you home alone with no protection, so neglected That's why these pedophile raps and shit you so obsessed with, it's so excessive"

"Touch My Body" by Mariah Carey play, you probably start reflectin"

This whole verse was a misinterpretation of Kendrick's song "Mother I Sober" which I had to educate myself with. Long story short, the song is about his mom SA and how she thought he was by his cousin even when he told her "no" and it forms a bigger picture to his overall family trauma as a whole and so on. So not only did you Mr. " You gotta learn to fact check things and be less impatient" if that ain't the biggest pot calling the kettle black idk what is. You got it wrong (Kendrick pretty much explained it) then double down on borderline prob over the line atp disrespecting his mother and all and every victim of SA? We victim shaming now?

I never been with no one underage, but now I understand why this the angle that you really mess with Just for clarity, I feel disgusted, I'm too respected If I was fucking young girls, I promise I'd have been arrested I'm way too famous for this shit you just suggested

*Slow claps* Congratulations you played yourself. What in the fuckery? CURRENTLY....DIDDY DOODLE BOB HAS ALLEGATIONS RIGHT NOW AND HE'S MORE FAMOUS THAN U. And don't get me started on the list....umm...you literally just named one (If you still bumping R. Kelly, you could thank the Savior)

"Only fuckin' with Whitneys, not Millie Bobby Browns, I'd never look twice at no teenager" but you'll look once? Also, someone que up the video with him on stage w/ a 17-year-old. He and I quote "Why you look like that?" "You thick. look at all this" Then kiss her all over her face🤔 Sir a kiss on the cheek or forehead would suffice but I digress.

And correct me if I'm wrong, I believe the only reason Kendrick hasn't even the touch the "beating allegations" is because he covers all that in both Mr. Morale and Mother I sober? If I'm correct, then you basically didn't tell us nothing that hasn't been said on him. Plus you also not fact checking. Where's of your proof? I would think someone with the upper hand would have laid down evidence that you mastermind...oh wait...was Kendrick right along? Now you look like the goofy on defense. Like do Kendrick even have to say anything?

Bruh, but the funniest part on it all. You acting like YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS. YOU DROP A DISS first wanting him to response and now you trying to make it seem like you didn't? My guy, if your actions alone here isn't a manipulation master class. Chileeeeee

[gardenerian]

tagged by darlings @deedala and @darlingian for this delightful weekly tag game ✨ let's get introspective on a thursday morn'

Name: mel

Location: nyc bb

Astrological Sign: aquarius ♒

What's a TV show or movie you plan to re-watch this year? it's only a matter of time before the bbc pride and prejudice miniseries shows back up on my screen tbh and i am always down for a downton abbey rewatch! also @lizisodd has inspired a probable OC rewatch soon

Whats a book or fic you will probably re-read this year? brideshead revisited is basically a quarterly reread at this point. i also want to reread some of my nonfiction faves and reinvest in my history reading.

What is a song you will likely continue to play on repeat? baby queen's new album and also petey's new album! continuous since like. november, and not an end in sight 🫡

What's a tasty treat you look forward to eating more of this year? any treat will do at this point. i am pretty sure i would commit crimes for a donut right now 🍩✨

What's a time sink that you will continue to sink time into this year? i would like to revisit my time sinks, actually. tumblr, writing, maybe giffing again? i'd like to branch out a bit and try some new things, maybe gif other movies/shows as well and annoy you all further 😇 i feel like it's time to at least try to recommit to the things that make me happy.

Did you pick up any habits in 2023 that you plan to continue? i resumed my long meandering walks this year and i definitely want to keep that up. i love just poking around my neighborhood and saying hi to all the dogs. literally every other habit can stay in 2023 tho tbh

What's your toxic trait? isolating myself so no one thinks i am Bad and Stupid ayyyy

What is a coping mechanism you will continue to indulge in this year? uh. well. hopefully none of the ones i have been practicing lately. we're about to make some serious moves on that. i've been trying to talk more, though, so let's go with that?

Tell me something you like about how you look! oh no. ummm. i had my hair and makeup trial for my wedding last week and i actually quite liked how it turned out. so i guess i like airbrushing lmao i have also been told i have nice shoulders alskdfj

Give me at least three adjectives describing things you like about yourself. hmmm. i am kind and i am sweet, i think. are those the same thing? i am struggling to think of a third thing that isn't also a toxic trait lmao UMM. i have been funny? sometimes i am funny?

whew! getting real here at 11:03 AM! i am not sure who has been tagged or completed this already - but it's been ages since i have gone all in on a tag game so please accept this wave hello and a kiss blown right to your foreheads: @gallawitchxx @heymrspatel @howlinchickhowl @whatthebodygraspsnot @metalheadmickey @whatwouldmickeydo @heymacy @crossmydna @palepinkgoat @rereadanon @sickness-health-all-that-shit @too-schoolforcool @xninetiestrendx @mmmichyyy @thisdivorce @energievie and anyone else that wants to do a lil reflectin and lookin ahead 🥰 ily

[angeldiaries777]

i think i have bpd because i get into such moods and im such a fckn emo narcissist ive spent everyday the past two years looking at my own reflectinal and eye fucking myself just to now have premature wrinkles im sorry i need to update my lip sync tiktoks !!!!!!! whats my fuck shit i cant even post my pics with cleavage cuz i was an angsty 15 yr old underage little cunt smh and my dad would literally faint and my mom would curse me out and call me a trashy whore for the billionth time and instead of the perfect little safe innocent sweet daughter they had im just mentally ill and ruin my own life everydayyyy so tempted to undo every ounce of healing which i kind of did tonight cuz i went crazy and i dont even do any substances ( cant get ur hands on anything in a religious household) also i know for a fact id get addicted i get addicted to thinks so fast i get addicted to thinks it takes me a long time to get sick of myself so all the ways i torure myself are completely sober and alone think of how fucking miserable i am and have been like i wish i had a crutch and my mom wont even let me have razors in my drawers anymore she gave me nair and wax strips kmss kms

[eldrytchcryptid]

God yeah I recently went through it like damn I'm really an asshole like other men what what am I doing

HOWEVER I have done a lot of reflectin so here's my romanticising

I feel masculinity for me is sitting and making shit from scratch or trying to mend shit even with no experience or figure out machinations

Or getting so excited about a subject I talk to strangers about it or discuss fukin trains or science or some shi

Or just up and go right I need to be as far away from civilisation as possible it's time to hunt for mushrooms

Or being like "u got an issue with someone I'll fuckin sort it for you" or "yes I will order this" or "carry these chairs 4 at a time solely because efficiency it doesn't matter if my fingers hurt cause I feel like a MAN"

Or opening doors and letting others go first and complimenting others (non-sexually) cause it subverts the masculine stereotype

Being an annoying but fun older brother!! Throwing my small child relatives onto the couch and hauling them over my shoulder cause they're giggling so hard at my goofiness

I feel like stroking my chin or (wispy) beard needs an honourable mention

And one day I will be able to take a girl out on dates and shi and fukn love making women laugh have you heard them laugh even if it's cause you're being stoopid it's just 👌👌

Being a dude is good shit if you are conscious about being an asshole ig

Apologises for my long essay into a subject I have reflected upon 😅

OH I remembered another one where I was helpin my mum shop for dresses cause she was stressed about it and I was like carryin all the stuff she wanted to try and was like hypin her up when she tried them on and she was super thankful that was good masculinity too 😁😁

I feel like transmasc ppl need to romanticise masculinity more like the way transfems romanticise femininity

Like I’ve noticed a lot of transmasc and ftm positivity/solidarity is kind of rooted in self hatred which is really disheartening and ik a lot of us kind of go through a guilt phase bc of the “joining the enemy” mentality and like… we could do with a makeover my dudes, I think we deserve one

[o-scrivello]

orin, hey hey hey whats going on?

Reflectin' a bit. Realisin' quite quickly I miss the thrill of all the violence 'nd shit.

[chelzone]

part of me worries during my rambling during the part 3 video for me Fallout 3 playthru i made meself look like a wee bit of a jackass, but also probably not. just helps to think about things at times, especially when there's no easy simple answer. a learnin experience too i suppose. also im only a single flawed human with tons of room to grow, babey

there's no easy context to rlly give here that isnt in da video itself i guessy, just was thinkin an rambling a lot after reflectin on songs i was hearin in-game. an then further from there thinkin about satire in stuffs, edgy shit in media, and degrees of how bigoted content stuffs can get a lot. an like how to properly handle stuffs as a creator i guess

rambling, yeah

[kuunibal]

yea... I do love my boyfie a lot sjdhdjfj. but anyways, I'll explain emo boy first as its kind of easier. while most of my playlists I was more driven compelled within to let my emotions out, this havin a clearer understandin of what I wanted to convey, emo boy was born out of my darlin explicitly tellin me he wanted a playlist as a gift. I am actually very bad and I do not remember if it was for his birthday or one of the earlier month anniversaries... whoops. so rather than already have emotions pourin out, I had to search within and find them, and to me the playlist is more like splattin guts of my feelins on the wall and just makin a complete mess out of the various feelins I've had for him. I'm also not used to the progression of darker feelins to happiness in my playlists, but I feel like that was born out of strangely reflectin both of our personalities and how they've changed from the darker times of constantly fightin, insecurities, and depression to the overwhelmin amts of love that we share now. to me, the playlist doesn't feel concrete in anythin nor a story, but rather just a concept of us. thats what makes it weird too, I feel like I included both of our dualing personalities in the playlist meshed together in some sort of weird duet of emotions rather than anything linear or only one pov. it feels like a weird dance of conflict yet harmony, and I guess thats the most poetic thing I've ever written about one of my playlists. honestly the playlist just sounds straight up high to me if that makes any sense kshdjdhf (also titled emo boy in some weird nod to bunny boy. I am the bunny boy, he's the emo boy, and he does look a lot like the character art I put for the icon of emo boy). also I might find the playlist embarassin for bein overly sweet idk what I was on when I made it. it's not a bad playlist, it's just strangely not my taste even if I like the songs individually and don't have any issues with the technical progression or anything.

as for the teddy bear one, it's much much much more linear and an almost direct correlation to part of our past. I say almost because our past was more blocked out in periods of time and the playlist blends certain parts together, but blendin is better for playlists so yea. at one point nearer the start, while yes I never said a sappy I love you, I was not subtle in my blatant obsession with him. this gets a tiny bit nsfw but nothin explicit really, but ahjdhdhf. I'd constantly harass him and drive him up the wall until he'd literally slam me against a wall or knock me over and kick me in the gut... which sounds bad, but my immediate responses was almost always shit like "you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid". I literally was provokin him until he got to that point, consistently, to the point where it was expected. I remember once kissin him when he was way too close to my face in threatenin me to get me to stop harassin him, and I could almost see his brain just rebooting as I probably made another sexual comment. Id constantly flirt with him and annoy the hell out of him, but strangely he always came back. we've actually spoke about this more recently, he found most people super boring back then... and was kind of enamoured by my just pure insanity then. I'm not proud of it but I have hilarious stories for days about the scuffles between us and my unapologetically horny ass back then. eventually we settled down and I was a little less insane and we'd do dumb shit like sit in parks and goof around, altho it was mostly me goofin and him watchin me and sometimes sayin the most blatant gay shit ever without realisin it and I shit you not puttin flowers in his hair. however, I struggled immensely with paranoia and psychosis (still sometimes do), and started viewin him as my enemy. it started to become harder and harder to tell delusion from reality, and I felt so conflicted between the almost romance lovey dovey and the evil my brain was convincin him to be, and I slowly spiraled. while we may have gotten into some verbal arguments, they were never explosive or physical like before and was clearly more him bein concerned and tryin to bring me back to reality and me growin more and more cynical. it eventually consumed me to start lashin out, but not in the playful way before that he was initially attracted to. I eventually did hurt him really badly, both emotionally and physically... and then I did actually lay down while starin at the sky at one moment after it all, just rethinkin everything, and wonderin where it all went wrong, but I guess it was never right from the start. and I hated how vunerable he made me feel when he was no longer throwin punches, but genuinely listenin, tryin to help, and never once raised his arm to hurt me ever again and would even just sit there and take whatever bullshit I was spoutin or doin. and as for the last song, well it is related to me goin on to tryin to find him again after we seperated, but also that in our final moment together then, I kind of just knew deep down I was delusional and what I was doin was wrong, but it was far too late in my mind and easier to end it then, and I did whisper to him that I'd find him again one day. my life is weird and sounds like an awful movie but here we areeee. I wouldn't reccomend my life, tbfh hskdhdhdh. again do note we never dated then. but that's also just a quick summary of our history and it's a lot more complicated than that and different ups and downs, but this playlist was a snapshot of that specific story. I decided to tell the story instead of sayin this song is xyz, because I feel like the meanin behind the songs is actually just the story, no more, no less. it was a playlist on me reflectin on how I felt in that point in my life.

this ask is so long and I apologize ysjdhdhdh. if you wanna listen to my non yan playlists, I am curious how u feel abt those, but I also understand if those playlists are outside of your interests ~🎵

That is an extremely interesting (and tumultuous) background to you and your boyfriend's relationship; I can definitely see the amount of emotion and personality you put into your playlists, especially your feelings in regards to everything that happened. I will listen to your other playlists, but I will likely not write my thoughts on them (I have a few exams this week). Thank you for trusting me enough to share your story, I imagine it is deeply personal for you and possibly guilt-inducing to talk about hurting your darling in the past.

I smiled a little when you talked about provoking him because it reminded me of my darling doing the same (although she was certainly not as bold as you were) and shutting her up by slamming her against the wall and the like (I am not exactly proud of that). I hope you were physically alright after getting thrown around though. Having paranoia and delusions fucking suck, I'm sorry you had/have to deal with that and that they messed things up for you and with him in the past. I really am happy you were able to reconcile with your darling and that you are doing better now!

[boatdriinks]

"No sweat," Kerry agreed with a nod. He'd add just a bit more to Vik's glass before setting it down again. Even if the doc did wanna get a bit more tipsy, Kerry wouldn't have cared. He was more than willing and able to set him up with a Del', or even an AV Del' or something to make sure Vik got home safely. Nevertheless, Kerry wasn't 'bout to push the guy.

Vik's mention about his mouth running, it held Kerry's attention. He'd nod in understanding for a moment before shrugging, adjusting himself slightly in his sight.

"Nah, no worries. 'M sure the mention'a him ain't easy on anyone. 'Specially if he's the asshole putting someone you care 'bout through hell." But, as far as he could tell, it wasn't a conscious thing. Johnny wanted out of it just as much as V did. That whole sitch, coupled with Johnny's status as a terrorist to the general public... Yeah, Kerry wasn't expecting Vik to have a good opinion of the guy.

Even still, Kerry knew how he was. Kerry knew how he could either end up defending Johnny with his whole heart and soul into it, or just letting the remarks roll off his back. It all just depended.

"It's a whole ass shit show if I've ever seen it. Reflectin' on the last 50 years, 'n' now seein' the unintentional damage he's 'causin' V. ...But, that's a downer subject. Don't gotta talk 'bout it," He assured, a sip following his words.

"Might be too somber for our first drink t'gether," Kerry joked lightly.

Vik only nodded to that first explanation, though his stare lingered on Kerry a moment or two longer than it might have otherwise. The guy might be one of the only good eggs in this whole gilded nest of a neighborhood. Maybe that was too broad a generalization, but he wasn't exactly keen to give most rich folk the benefit of the doubt unless he knew they deserved it. And Kerry Eurodyne sure seemed like he did.

Biting back another laugh, Vik's sobriety over the remark about Silverhand was helped along by the other's almost melancholic look. Sounded like there was some complicated history, and complicated feelings. Silverhand was a bastard, sure - but when you spent decades coming to terms with said bastard's abrupt death, only for him to show up on a chip in (at the time) a stranger's head? It kind of made Vik glad he hadn't known the man personally. He couldn't imagine how rough it might be for those who had.

With his next long look at Kerry, he noticed the habitual nature of the other's second pour. Not too surprising, and Vik was no teetotaler, but the implications in the motion sunk a small somber weight in his chest. When he met Kerry's gaze again, though, his expression remained amiable and thoughtful. "Just a little. I do still have to drive later." Vik wasn't keen on matching Kerry drink for drink, though he made no mention of that. "...But if I run my mouth too far, 'bout Silverhand or anything else, you can tell me."

[nev3rfound]

lingering silence : b.b

brief summary: learning to accept how to move on after the events of IW

requested: nope, just a very sad idea I came up with at work word count: 1.6k warnings: spoilers for IW I guess if you’ve not seen it, and it’s kinda sad

(italics is previous events- just a heads up) 

part one / part two / part three 

* masterlist of sorts *

Smiling brightly you walk into the main space, seeing those left sat around without any words being exchanged. 

“Mornin’“ You call out and keep your smile on your face, trying not to take notice of the glares or confused expressions that cross you. 

“Hey,” Steve mumbles as he leans back against the sofa, somewhere he’s struggled to move for weeks now whilst Natasha sits in the corner of the room, tucked away in her thoughts. 

He was trying to not let it tear him apart on a daily basis, but sometimes he couldn’t help himself. The world wasn’t ready for a defeat, hell, they weren’t. Yet, it happened, and half of the population is gone, trapped forever. 

However, when Steve looks at you it’s as if it’s not happened. You’re hiding it all or are blocking it out. Out of everyone here, you lost the most but no one would know. You’re still waking up in the morning to go out, buy flowers and come back with a bright smile. 

“Anyone want to go out later? I found this little spot down the road and it’s got a cute bike outside filled with flowers.” Turning your head the shade covers Natasha’s spiteful stare, but you ignore it knowing nothing ill is meant by it. “Or we could order food in? How about Chinese?” You’re becoming better at hiding the desperation in your tone, not that anyone can tell. 

“Can you just stop?” Natasha slices through the shade as she rises to her feet as the blanket falls from her shoulders. “Everyone we care about is gone and you’re here wanting to go out? What the fuck is wrong with you?” She harshly asks before walking away, leaving you sat still fiddling with your nails. 

Steve remains quiet, unsure what is the best thing to say. “How about you Cap?” You pipe up, nudging him lightly in hope of seeing a smile, something you needed to see so badly for comfort. 

But he shakes his head. “Not today, Y/n.” He mutters before walking away leaving you on your own once more. 

Once the room was empty you brought your legs closer to your chest, letting the tears fall you’ve been trying to hold back for so long. “I, I can’t do this alone, Buck.” You whisper into the atmosphere as you bury your head in your lap. “I need you back. Please,” Unable to finish your sentence you throw your head back and wipe your eyes before inhaling deeply. “ugh, get it together.” You tell yourself as you walk out of the room, heading out for some fresh air in hope to stop the tears, to stop the blotchiness forming in your face. 

*

Walking into the gym Steve watches as Tony works with Natasha. Usually, you’d be here, working out for at least two hours, but you were nowhere to be seen. 

Shrugging it off Steve walks over to the two as they come to a halt upon his arrival. “You seen Y/n?” Natasha asks and Steve slowly shakes his head. 

His fear rises as he watches the way Tony looks to him, concern growing in his expression. “She didn’t come back last night after she headed out around 6pm.” Tony lowers his head before pulling out his phone. 

Steve takes the phone in his hand, watching the footage of you leaving the compound with a bunch of flowers in your grip. “And, and she didn’t come back afterwards? Not even late?” He questions and Tony shakes his head. 

Letting out a heavy sigh Steve backs away. He’s let his best friend down, even if he’s not here to tell him so he just knows. “It’s all my fault.” Natasha mutters quietly as Tony places his arm around her, but she shrugs him off. “No, it is. I told her to stop trying so hard, and maybe she has.” 

“That’s not Y/n, ‘Tasha.” Steve states as he shakes his head in disbelief. “I’ll find her.” He backs out of the gym and starts running, hoping his memory might serve him well in finding her at one of the many potential spots Bucky always spoke of. 

“There’s this small stream, downtown. She loves seeing the stars reflectin’ in the water.” Bucky smiles at the thought as he reminisces on one of his first dates with you as his best friend listens. “I love watching her smile like that, so, so full of life.” 

“You think you love her?” Steve questions, nudging Bucky who doesn’t falter before nodding. 

“Yeah,” He laughs softly before turning his head, his smile still evident on his face. “I think I do.” 

“Y/n?” Steve calls out as he slows down along the stream filled with flower petals that run along the stream. “Y/n?” His tone softens as he follows the array of petals towards discarded flowers. 

And then he sees it. A wide selection of flowers covering a small patch underneath a large oak tree. He lets out a sigh of relief as he spots you lying down with a blanket over your body. 

“She fell asleep on my chest last night as we sat under that tree.” Bucky glances down, still feeling her touch against his skin. “I whispered it, Steve.” He tries to hide his excitement, but Steve can just tell he’s bursting to tell him. “I told her I love her.” 

Steve pats Bucky’s back. “And?” 

“She let out a yawn and told me she loved me back.” He laughed wholeheartedly. “Who’d of thought it? Y/n and me?” 

Watching closely Steve sees your hand clutching onto more flowers as dying ones surround you. He steps closer, seeing something else besides the flowers. “Oh, Y/n.” His face drops as he realises what this is. 

A small photograph of Bucky smiling sits underneath the tree, hanging by a nail you must’ve hammered into it. His old dog tag hangs along with a small ring, your engagement ring. 

This is your grave for Bucky, your way of saying goodbye since you never had the chance to properly. “Hey, Y/n?” Steve crouches down, touching your arm lightly feeling how cold your skin is against his touch.

The sudden movement causes you to open your eyes and you press a knife against his throat. “Oh,” Lowering the knife you relax, realising it’s only Steve. “sorry, force of habit.” You mutter before shuffling to sit cross-legged, the blanket still covering your frozen body. 

“Is this where Bucky talked about?” Steve sits down opposite you and he finally notices the stains on your skin.

Usually, you’d be so bright, distracting them from what was happening to you beneath the surface. Now that you’re not smiling he can see it, the true pain rising that you hid so well from everyone else. 

Lifting your head you glanced over your shoulder, remembering all the memories made here. “Yeah, this is,” Sighing you turn back to face Steve. “was our spot.” 

Steve can easily picture the two of you here, separate from everyone and everything for a short while, a true escape. He learnt all of the significant events that happened under this tree, no wonder you chose here to make this his grave. 

“I’m sorry we’ve been rude to you, Y/n.” Steve quietly states but he watches as you shake your head.

“It’s not your fault, Steve.” He looks down, seeing your hand on top of his. “None of it was.” Realising what you mean he nods, but you keep your hand still. “I don’t think I’ve come to terms with it just yet, what this all means.” You explain as your eyes focus behind Steve, picturing Bucky walking towards you after a long day of training. “That, that he’s gone and isn’t,” You can feel your lower lip quivering, but you swallow the watery sob back. “isn’t coming back.” 

“We don’t know that,” Steve interrupts, but you scoff lightly.

“Like shit we don’t.” You bluntly state. “Bucky isn’t coming back. None of them are coming back because they’re dead!” Yelling the words you’ve held back for so long, hiding them behind your smile and the pain in your eyes you scream before collapsing into Steve. 

He holds you close, your limp body finally coming to terms with the exhaustion. “I know, Y/n.” He soothes as you sob against him. “I miss him too.” 

“I just need him, Steve. I, I don’t think I can do this alone.” You whisper and Steve pulls away, raising an eyebrow to you in confusion. 

“What’d you mean?” He asks and you glance behind you, picking up something hidden behind Bucky’s photograph and place it in Steve’s hand. 

His eyes widen at the sight before tears fall down his face as he stares at you. “I don’t want her growing up without knowing him, Steve.” You sob as you place your hand on your stomach and Steve holds you close as he lets the tears fall. 

Bucky will never get to see this, the fact that he won’t get to be the Dad he dreamed of being or the Husband to the first girl to truly love and understand him. He’s gone, and it is something you still cannot process. 

“Come on,” Steve mutters as he bends down, picking up the blanket and you. “it’s best you get some rest.” 

You simply lie in his arms as you look back at the small sight. The flowers surrounding his photo, that bright smile you couldn’t take your eyes off when it would make an appearance. 

“I love you James,” You place your hand on his cheek, watching as his smile grows against your touch and the sound of those words being said back. “never forget that, okay?” 

He shakes his head. “I’ll never forget that, doll, ever.” 

[likethewindandsea]

Lost you

Found you

In my mind

In my mind

All this time

So close

Too kind

She's too kind

That girl is still wild

Lost you

Found you

All these bitches actin' like it's just business

That dude's the only one on my playlist

Sellin' our minds

Writin' rhymes

I thought they'd be mine

Thought they'd shine

On Europe's coast without a rhyme

New York without a dime

Beggars becomin' famous

While the poets are still nameless

That girl is chasin' fame, bitch

Dudes chasin' the dream

Lookin' for some green

New bags filled with cash

The only one who'll know your name

Is the guy who types your nametag

'Till you can buy your name back

Ordered all the classics

Yeah, that shit's fantastic

Shit's too big

She's coughin' like she's sick

Ridin' on this dick

That's a kick

Like we're younger

Like we're stronger

'Cause we don't care about them brands

Listenin' to our own bands

Makin' up a dance

Shakin' in the cold night

Like leaves, we're reflectin' moonlight

Like Kubrick, we're artists

I prefer the books

I prefer her looks

Drugs on the cheap

Memories to keep

Like our minds are so deep

Fuckin' weak

She suck's like she's tryin'

Tired of dying

Tired of smoke rings sent flyin'

Expensive shit we're buyin'

On all your nights you're tryin'

Screamin' and lyin'

Fuckin' dyin'

[louistomlinsonyear]

The song ocd kinda makes me think of 1d and the popularity that it had. Like look at the lyrics 💔

In the field, ballin' with the team (With the team), oh yeahIn the field, ballin' with the teamOCD 'cause I'm ridin' so cleanOld school whips, seein' new things (Skrrt, skrrt)Rollin' up, got a few flamedNew Prada shoes, no shoestrings (Skrrt, skrrt)Closet full of kicks like Liu KangWe was just dreamers, broken leadersOn the low, rollin' weed up, now they see usIn that drop-top Beamer (Skrrt, skrrt!)Feel like ODB, feeling OCD (Skrrt, skrrt!)Out this universe, D.CGoin' so hard, make it look easyPut the squad, zone 3 (Zone 3)We so cold, wrist on freezeRoll it up for me, get high (Get high)If you feel me, put your hands to the sky (Hands to the sky)Break it down, roll it up for me, get highNothin' else matters up until the day I dieWanna move my loved ones out the South SideIf you look up, you might see us in the sky (Sky so high)If you look up, you might see us in the sky (In the sky)Time is undefeated, in the end, it beats us allMy daddy, my momma, myself, we all destined to fallCurrently, the most important thing within my life is balanceI ain't talkin' commas and zeros or monetary (Balance)Talkin' self-worth, put yourself first, don't worry 'bout the worstBut when you in this position, it's hard to make selfish decisionsGot enough bread, I'ma eat, but what about the rest my team?They good and all, but I mean, if I disappeared from the sceneThen what's gon' happen? What's gon' happen?In a hotel writin' rhymes before I headline at a festivalBut all that’s runnin' through my mind is bottom lines and decibelsSo focused on the brand sometimes forget about the ManReflectin' in the mirror with this pen in his hand99 percent of these people will never understand, supply and demand'Cause I'm in the public eye, they think they know who I amIn the field, ballin' with the team (With the team), oh yeahIn the field, ballin' with the teamFeel like ODB, feeling OCD (Skrrt, skrrt!)"Oh, shit, it's Logic! Can I have a picture?" They don't give a damnSoon as they see me, they clench the device that's in they handDon't even say hello, more like, "Can I get one for the 'Gram?"That's when I be like, "Fuck no, but you can shake my handLet's have a conversation, talk about life man-to-manYou disappointed, I can read your body language like a paragraph""Logic, yeah, that's cool and all, but I'd much prefer a photographI mean, can I have a photograph?"Goddamn, all these people nowadays are so unusualThey'd rather snap a pic with you to go get more likes than usualThan have a conversation, back in the basement with no placementCouldn't never fathom talkin' to my favorite rapper that wayI'm just an entity, my DNA not my identityFindin' serenity, become a better man, I better beFor the child in my baby momma stummy, never crummyWe can make bread, tryna be the greatest, that shit been deadI'm tryna be the happiest that I can be insteadI'm tryna get ahead like a fetus, money don't complete usOr defeat us, it can lead us to depressionBein' rich is not a blessin', fame is not a blessin'Wasn't 'til I was rich and famous I learned that lessonWhat's the meanin' of life? To live it, what I'm guessin', yeahyou are... right

[boatdriinks]

Kerry could definitely take or leave jazz. It wasn't his usual vibe, but he couldn't say he disliked it all. Good jazz was amazing, but everything else in his eyes was okay at best. He'd keep that to himself, and trust that Vik had a good ear for that sort of stuff.

"Lookin' forward to it, then," Kerry hummed, a comfortable smile settling across his face as he reluctantly put his shades back on while walking out of the clinic.

Keeping up a front of being cool and calm wasn't difficult. He'd done it before, he'd do it again. But what could never be ignored or suppressed was the thumping of his heart pounding in his chest. It really had been way too long since he'd done anything like this.

Fucking around for fun? Oh, he did that a lot. Casual flirting and drinking that let him get some stress out. But when was the last time he'd gone out on a "date" with someone he genuinely had an interest in? Starting to count back the years, an anxiety crept up in his gut as he realized it was close to 25 years. Holy shit.

...Yeah, that's right. He'd been with Lou for 18 years.

Fuuuuuck, he really didn't need to be reflectin' on this shit right now.

He just wanted to enjoy himself. Test the waters, see if this was what he was hoping it was. Goddamn, man, he just really didn't wanna fuck this up and somehow end up without a friend or boyfriend.

A tip of one shoulder and brief raise of eyebrows were Vik's easy acquiescence to Kerry's point. Despite that, though, he still wanted to try and find somewhere Kerry wouldn't have to stay guarded, or at least not as much. Guy deserved to relax, to just have a nice chat and some good food--

Vik knew exactly where to go. "Then the place I've got in mind should do just fine. It's not Filipino, but it's pretty damn good. Nice atmosphere." He added as he made for the door, "Long as you don't mind some jazz."

He held the door open for Kerry, then locked up after them and headed for the nearby garage. On the way, he shot a text to Misty - just that he was done for the day. He trusted her, knew she wasn't the type to gossip about it, but it was more about respect for privacy. Both Kerry's and his.

[slxrpindust]

“… What are you staring at?”

Angel had just been sitting on a bench near the field, enjoying a snack and watching the football team cause an absolute ruckus. Those wereboys were all at it again, not that he minded. He’d been minding his business, or so he thought. When a voice made him realize someone had been standing in the corner of his vision for a while now. The arachnid pulled his popsicle out and turned to face the little lady in front of him.

“Oh shit. Sorry kid, uhh. I guess the light reflectin’ off ya tiara caught my eye. Why ‘ave ya just been standin’ there?”

First Encounters