#//proudly wearing a badge that says ''i broke into vyn's house thru an air vent''

[actualbird]

hi hi!!! for the ask game, would you mind answering numbers 9, 26, and/or 32 please?

have a nice day dude!!!! :D

EYYO SAAMMMM :DDDDD. yess i would love to answer all of these, i am eating the numbers as we speak (....as we...type?)

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9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

i do!!!! i dont think it's obvious from like, how i am online, but im a hugely superstitious person. it comes from the family upbringing and also a lot of experiences ive had in my life. cw death talk incoming, but 2 loved ones of mine have died in this house, and idk. im sure theyre still here. and not in a scary way, they just Live Here, like how i live here, it's their house too!! i wont b able to explain how i Know without sounding much more silly to many ppl, but yes, i do believe in ghosts!

and theyre nice!!! so long as u arent a dickbag to them, that is. they just want a place to chill.

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26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

i get into it like this

DEADASS. LIKE, WHILE IT’S MEME-Y THIS IS MY METHOD

i.e., i have to find something that i can relate to with the character to be able to write them

like, it doesnt have to be the entire character’s personality, thats impossible. it can just be one (1) thing that i personally resonate with. and like....thats the window on how i get in and begin to understand everything else. like, lemme take two current blorbos i love, one thats easiest for me to write and one thats the hardest: luke and vyn

luke has so many windows. all of them are open, the front door is unlocked, hell, theres a hole in the roof. getting into his head-house is supremely easy for me since i relate to a lot of his personality/thought processes.

for vyn, it felt like breaking in like in a heist movie JHVKJHVSKFJHAS. i could not get in there for a While until i saw a singular air vent labeled “DESIRE TO HAVE AND KEEP KNOWLEDGE, AS KNOWLEDGE BECOMES A FULCRUM WHERE HE CAN LEVERAGE HIMSELF INTO A SAFER VANTAGE POINT” and i was like bINGOOOOOOOO!! related very much to that. and with that as the square 1, i was able to see everything else and understand the rest

as to How i find the opening, thats where all my ridiculous analyses come in. i need to pour over the stories and whats there already and find entrance points. like, character rambles is basically me trying to make the heist map. 

i think this metaphor is getting out of hand but yeA. 

and it’s p easy for me to get out cuz all the characters i write are very much Not Me so i just scuttle out of the head-house again. never rlly regretted any time i had to put on a character hat, like. even if it’s an evil-fucked-up character, it’s a learning experience both in writing and and thinking

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32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

poem line:

“Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us. These, our bodies, possessed by light. Tell me we’ll never get used to it.”

from Scheherazade by Richard Siken. first read it in a writing workshop in 2015. this was the first time i actually read poetry (i was a fiction bitch thru and thru) and i was like oh FUCK okay. i see now the beauty in this form

novel line:

“He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe. Which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.”

from Mort by Terry Pratchett. first read in 2016, i was just going thru my older brother’s books (and inadvertently starting my love for pratchett’s writing //chef’s kiss!!!). it’s just such a simple and wonderful line. resonates a lot w me cuz im very much a “WHAT IS THE ANSWER, WHAT IS THE SOLUTION TO THE RIDDLE” about everything but Not Everything has that. life gets a bit mucky trying to solve things that cant be solved

aaaaand fanfic line:

“There are the nights when no one dreams, or dreams are small and life-sized--broken strings and shipwrecked boats, dishabille, or seagulls. There are the nights when Newt can sleep, the dawns he doesn't see. Of those, there are not many. But there are some.”

from Designations Congruent with Things by cleanwhiteroom. this is a pacific rim fanfic that ran from 2013-2014 (no longer on ao3 but archived in many places by ppl who loved it) and it became a cult classic within the fandom for good reason. it is one of the most phenomenal things ive ever read in my life, across the span of All kinds of written work. this fanfic REWIRED MY BRAIN AT 13 YEARS OLD. 

and i still reread it every other year and im frigging blown away every time. these lines in particular just.....they Stayed In My Head. in the aftermath of complicated trauma, thats the situation. it’s written so simply and strikes so hard, it’s so forlorn yet hopeful as well. there are not many. but there are some... THAT MADE ME INSANE AND I HAVE NEVER RECOVERED.

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WHEW, I TALK TOO MUCH thank u sm for the ask and giving me the opportunity to ramble, sammmm <3!!!!!