#//probably seems weird that i nominated myself but it seemed like the jamie thing to do

[three-drink-amy]

All the Shine of a Thousand Spotlights

Thanks for the support so far for this story! We’ve got a few more chapters after this one! 

masterlist -AO3

Chapter Fifteen - Happy Is What Happens When Your Dreams Come True

It became a thing John and I did, starting with our first show that got real Tony buzz. We’d call the cast to the theater early the day before nominations were announced. And those would be tomorrow morning. John and I were buzzing at a high frequency and had been for the last week. But every time I talked about it with Jamie, he seemed almost disinterested, as if this wasn’t a potentially huge time for him as well. He’d either give me an “uh-huh” while he looked at his phone or he’d change the subject all together. I hadn’t brought up how much it irritated me, but I’d grinded my teeth each time it happened. 

We bought lunch for the cast and crew and sat around on the stage catching up. Jamie and I kept a safe distance from each other. “How’s everyone feeling?” John asked as people grabbed some of the sandwiches we’d provided. A few confused glances made John continue. “I mean about tomorrow. Tony noms, guys!” 

Everyone started talking at once, excitement seeping from each of them. I smiled, glancing over at Jamie. He was the only one who seemed to be faking it. I saw the moment his mask slipped. It was the same damn look I had been getting at home. 

“Look,” I said to everyone, “John and I have been keeping track of various predictions and such. And yes, many predictions do include us among the nominees. But, I just want to say that even if we aren’t named tomorrow, it won’t diminish any of the pride John and I have for this show, this cast, or this crew. No matter the accolades, you all have been fantastic. This show has been having a great run and continues to get great reviews. We wanted to do this with you today because tomorrow doesn’t determine if we’re a successful show. We already are. And it’s down to the hard work of every person in this room. So, thank you!” 

After that, we mostly sat around and chatted. It had been a while for me and John since we’d had personal time with the cast and crew. Mostly, if we were ever there, it was check ins or because someone had asked us to be. It was nice to see everyone relaxed (if a bit restless for tomorrow) and seemingly enjoying time together. The tradition John and I had started was a good one. 

I planted myself next to Joe with a cup of tea in my hand. We were in a lull of conversation when we picked up on another pair’s conversation. My ears were naturally perked to Jamie’s voice. Glancing at Joe, I could tell he was listening in as well. 

“Ah, I canna.” 

“Come on,” Laoghaire cried. “That’s what you say every time. Just once you should come out to get drinks. We could drink off our nerves tonight before the nominations.” 

I rolled my eyes to myself. Jamie told me how often she asked him to go out. It was incredible and ridiculous that in the almost year they’d known each other, she hadn’t given up yet. As far as I knew, the only time Jamie had actually gone out for drinks with her was when everyone else was going as well. The night we’d seen each other at the bar again. 

“I’m no’ really that nervous,” Jamie said with a shrug. Joe and I were openly watching them talk now. 

“Well, I am. Maybe you can help me with that,” she suggested, reaching out a hand to his arm. I was a bit worried I was going to crush the cup in my hand as my grip tightened on it. 

Jamie moved her hand off him, looking annoyed. “Look, Laoghaire, I have a girlfriend.” I heard Joe gasp a little, looking over at me. “So please find someone else to pester.” 

To his credit, Jamie never glanced in my direction. I was sure that if the situations had been reversed, I would have looked over at him and likely given it all away. 

“What?” Laoghaire cried. “Since when? Who is she?” 

I felt myself tense next to Joe. Surely Jamie wasn’t going to reveal it all right there. I knew he wouldn’t. But I couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous. 

“It doesna matter who she is,” Jamie retorted. “But we’ve been together for a while now. I never mentioned her because it’s no’ anyone’s business. I would have thought that after I told you no as many times as I now have that you’d take the hint. I didn’t think I’d have to bring up my girlfriend to make you stop.” 

“Damn,” Joe whispered. I couldn’t help but chuckle, elbowing him in the arm. I was pretty impressed myself, though. 

“I just want to know who she is,” Laoghaire said in a purposefully calmer voice. “Get to know her, maybe.” 

“She’s verra private. I doubt she’d like that. It’s bad enough that I’m an actor,” he said before he excused himself and walked over to talk to John. Joe and I watched as Laoghaire stood there looking like she had to readjust her whole life. 

Joe held his cup up in front of his mouth, turning to me. “Do you think Fraser actually has a girlfriend or was just lying to get out of all her advances?” 

I forced a laugh, holding my cup in the same way he was. “I wouldn’t blame him for lying,” is what I went with. 

At some point a while later, John and I ended up in a small circle talking about the nominations. Louise and Joe were both talking with us. “Do you think you’ll get any sleep tonight?” John jokingly asked them. 

Louise laughed. “Probably not. It’s been a while since I’ve been involved with something that could potentially be nominated. I doubt I’ll get a wink.” 

“I have a baby, so that’s a no,” Joe agreed. “Of course, maybe she’ll take my mind off things.” 

Jamie walked over, joining our little group. He stood next to Joe, purposefully avoiding being next to me. I was glad for it because I wasn’t sure my hand wouldn’t drift to him out of muscle memory. 

“Jamie, what about you?” John asked. “You must be excited, especially with it being your first Broadway show.” 

Jamie shrugged. “Eh, I suppose. But no matter what happens tomorrow, I’ll still have to come here and do my job. So I dinna see how it matters.” 

My brow furrowed as I looked at him. He was giving them the same treatment he was giving me. “So, what, you’re not excited? What, are you not going to get up and watch nominations?” John pushed. 

“Probably not,” Jamie confirmed. “Why get up early on a day I dinna have to just to watch a bunch of names being read?” 

Everyone stared at him with confused looks. “But one of those names could be yours,” Louise reminded him. 

“And maybe it won’t be,” Jamie replied. “I’m sure I’ll hear about it if it does end up being mine.” 

I watched him with narrowed eyes, trying to figure him out. Thankfully, the others seemed to be doing the same thing. 

“So you’re not going to watch the nominations?” John repeated. 

“Nope.” 

We all argued with Jamie about why it was weird. Well, not me, of course. I only backed up other people’s arguments. But Jamie didn’t seem to care what we had to say. He was set in his decision. 

John and I walked from the theater as the cast and crew moved to get ready for tonight’s show. He stopped just outside the door and turned to me. “Okay, bear with me for a moment.” I nodded, a bit unsure what this would be. “How well do you know Jamie?” 

My mouth flattened into a line as I decided how to answer his question. I went with a joke. “Well, biblically, if you recall.” He flashed me a disapproving look. “Why?” 

“I’m trying to figure him out. You would think that any other potential first time nominee on their first fucking show would be more excited about this,” John reasoned. 

I nodded. “Yeah, I agree. I don’t know why he’d act that way.” I wanted to talk about how it had been bothering me for a week. 

“It’s just weird, right?” 

“It is. I don’t have any insight on the matter though.” 

John sighed. “Well, I will talk to you tomorrow, I’m sure.” 

I laughed a bit. “One way or the other,” I agreed. 

We parted and I went home, spending my time waiting for Jamie, while deep in thought about his reaction to the nominations.

* * *

True to his word, Jamie didn’t wake up when my alarm went off the next morning. I shook him, but he pushed my hand off his arm and curled tighter into the blanket. Sighing to myself, I ran and grabbed my computer, bringing it to bed with me. He may not want to watch, but I was going to make him listen. I pulled up the live stream and waited for it to start. I stared at the empty podium before the announcers walked out on stage. Cranking the volume up, I turned to see if Jamie would even acknowledge it. 

There was some conversation between the announcers as they dragged their feet to start announcing. I knew that Jamie’s category would be first. It irritated the hell out of me that he didn’t even seem to care. This was a huge deal and he was still asleep. I felt more nervous for him than I was for the fact that I could also be nominated. My own nomination hadn’t even been on my radar until John mentioned it to me earlier in the week. I’d been so focused on Jamie. 

My phone buzzed as the announcers continued to chatter aimlessly about the Tony Awards and what they mean to the community. Everyone already knew this. I shook my head and looked down at my phone. It was a group text between Jamie, Jenny, and me. I opened it and saw a picture of his whole family huddled around a computer watching the live stream, waiting for them to announce the nominations. Smiling, I sent back a text. 

Some potential nominee is still sleeping. 

It only took a few seconds before a reply came in. 

Wake that daft numptie up!

Laughing at her text, I shook him again to no response. 

Rolling my eyes, I turned back to the screen. The chatter seemed to be over and I held my breath as they started to announce the Lead Actor in a Play. My hands were clasped in front of me, my face mere inches from the screen. 

Five other names were announced and I started to lose hope. But then I heard it. “Jamie Fraser for —” I screamed before they could even say the name of our play. I threw myself against him and started smacking him to wake him up. 

“Claire,” he groaned. 

“You got nominated!” I shrieked. My hands were on his arm and shoulder, shaking him in my excitement. I bent over him and pressed a mess of kisses all over his face. He was sleepy and a bit confused, but rolled over and sat up to look at me. 

“What?” he asked, an unsure look on his face. 

I grabbed his face in my hands. “You got nominated for a bloody Tony Award!” 

His eyes went wide, still filled with disbelief. “What? I did?” I nodded insistently, kissing him hard and hugging him to me. His arms slowly came around me as his brain was catching up. On the nightstand next to him, his phone started ringing loudly. Ellen’s face filled his screen and he answered it. As he put it on speaker, I could hear the screaming on the other end. “Hello?” 

The happy chaos that erupted from the phone was intoxicating. They were all so excited for him. As was I. My hands hadn’t left him as I held him close, so bloody proud of him. 

“Jamie, you got fecking nominated!” Ian yelled over the cacophony.

“Aye, apparently so,” he replied. When I looked over, I saw tears swimming in his eyes. 

“We’re so proud of ye, Son!” Brian called to him. “I’m sure ye need to watch the rest of it, but we’ll call you back later!” 

“Aye, we just wanted to share our excitement for ye,” Ellen agreed. “We love ye so much, James Alexander.” 

A sweet smile covered his face. “Thank ye. I’ll call ye a bit later once I can process this a bit.” 

He hung up and turned toward me, a stunned look still there beneath the joy from the phone call. “Holy shit,” he sighed. “Is this real?” 

I laughed and nodded, hugging him to me again. “I promise you it is.” His arms tightened around me as he planted a kiss in my hair.  

Slowly, I untangled from him and turned back to the announcements. I’d missed other critical ones in my excitement for Jamie. Unable to sit still due to exciting jitters, I jumped out of bed and paced. 

* * *

Jamie sat there, eyes on the computer screen, but unable to focus on anything else. His mind was reeling over the fact that he’d actually gotten the nomination. He knew he’d been annoying Claire throughout the last week as he brushed off any acknowledgement of the awards in general. It was obvious how she sighed or huffed each time he did it. But he was getting too nervous and didn’t want to give it any thought. Even if Claire hadn’t kept him apprised of the predictions, he’d have known about them. The other cast members had discussed them even when they’d all agreed not to. His sister sent him links each time she found an article with his name listed. And there were the tweets he’d been tagged in as people made their own predictions. 

But he didn’t want to get his hopes up. He knew that surely if he believed the nomination was coming, then he wouldn’t get it. Rather than tell anyone that, he just brushed off their comments and tried to ignore the looks Claire gave him when he did it to her. 

Claire was talking excitedly as she paced next to the bed, texting back and forth with someone. Likely John. She kept telling him things he had to look forward to and what he’d have to do after the stream of nominations ended, but he still couldn’t focus. He was fairly sure some of what she was saying was just her thinking out loud. 

His phone rang again, this time with a different caller. “Hello?” 

“Please tell me you actually got up and watched the bloody nominations,” John said without preamble. “Because, Jamie Fraser, you got the damn nomination!” 

“Aye, I heard that,” Jamie replied, still aiming for nonchalance. 

“Congratulations!” 

“Thank ye. I appreciate it. I canna really believe it, honestly.” 

“Well, believe it, because this is real. You got nominated for a Tony on your first Broadway play. That’s fucking awesome, man!” 

Jamie chuckled in reply. Claire took the inopportune moment to yell to him. “Jamie, Louise got nominated!” She updated as she continued pacing. 

John cleared his throat in Jamie’s ear. “Was that Claire?” 

Jamie glanced over at her, a mild moment of panic washing over him. Suddenly, he realized it wouldn’t hurt one more person to know. “Yeah,” he admitted. “It was.” 

John made a noise of surprise. “What are you doing with Claire?” Jamie was silent for a long moment. “Look, Claire told me what happened before auditions.” 

“Yeah, she mentioned that once.” 

There was a long beat of silence before John spoke again. 

“How long have you guys been together?” 

Jamie sighed. “Since Opening Night.” 

“What?” John screeched. “That long? How has she not told me?” 

“Because we were keeping it a secret. Still are, actually.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret. I’m just...blown away a bit. Wow. Okay. Well, I’ll let you go, but congratulations, Jamie. You earned it.” 

“Thanks, John. I appreciate it. I ken it wouldn’t have been possible wi’out ye and Claire.” 

“Save it for your acceptance speech,” John teased before saying goodbye. 

Claire walked to the side of the bed. “You got nominated. Louise got nominated. Joe got nominated. The play itself got nominated. And those are just the categories I’ve already checked. Wow, what a day!” She continued pacing and checking her phone excitedly. 

Jamie pushed the covers out of his way and stood up, moving over to her. She paused, looking up at him with a brilliant smile. “You got nominated,” she reminded him. 

His reply was in his kiss. Her back met the wall as he kissed her deeply. It was “thank you for the reminder” and “thank you for the chance” at the same time. Claire’s hands ran up his back as she returned the kiss eagerly. Slowly, they separated and he rested his forehead against hers, looking down at her. “I canna believe it,” he said again. 

Claire’s arms wrapped tighter around him. “Well believe it. We’re going to have to find you a tux.” 

He shook his head with a roll of his eyes, but a smile was there too. 

It wasn’t until later when they were sitting at the table, eating a quickly thrown together breakfast and reading everything they could online about the nominations, that it hit Jamie. He stared at a list, realizing Claire had never acknowledged it. 

“Claire,” he said in a measured voice. She looked over at him. “You got nominated as well.” 

“Huh,” she replied, a surprised look on his face. “How about that? I guess I was more focused on your nomination that I didn’t really even care about my own potential nomination.” 

“Well that’s just wrong,” he decided. Standing up suddenly, he pulled her out of her chair and picked her up, spinning. “You got nominated!” he cheered, trying to mimic her reaction from before. He set her back down on the floor and stared at her for a moment. She looked positively elated. His hands cupped her cheeks. “I’m so proud of ye.” 

Somehow, her smile grew. “Well I’m so proud of you.” 

“I guess it’s a tie,” he offered before leaning down to kiss her. 

They settled back in their seats, eating more of their breakfast. His hand reached over and grabbed hers. She smiled as she glanced over at him. 

“Hey, I’m sorry.” 

Her brow furrowed before she replied. “What for?” 

“I was a jerk this week. You wanted to talk about all this and I brushed ye off every time. It wasna very kind of me. And I’m sorry.” 

She laughed, shaking her head. “It’s okay, Jamie. I was somewhat confused by it. And I suppose, a bit annoyed as well. But you don’t have to apologize.” 

“I didna want to count on it,” he admitted to her. “The only times people brought it up to me were to tell me that people were predicting my nomination. But it was enough to get cast in the play at all and I didn’t want to forget that if I got disappointed that I didna get a nomination or such. And so rather than tell anyone that, I just was rude and changed the subject. And I’m sorry.” 

Her hand tightened around his. “You don’t have to be sorry. I get it. I was more or less that way the first time one of my plays had Tony buzz. I didn’t want anyone to talk about it and, therefore, jinx it.” She grinned broadly. “But you got it.” 

His grin matched hers. “As did you.” 

A playful look crossed Claire’s face. “You know, that might make us a Broadway power couple.” 

He nodded, chuckling in reply. “I like the sound of that.” 

She stepped over to his corner of the table, settling herself in his lap, her arms around his neck. They met for a long, languid kiss. Her fingers raked through his hair, making him sigh against her. Jamie put his hands low on her waist, pulling her down on his lap even further. Her hips started to roll against him as his tongue sought hers. Things were heating up between them when his phone rang on the table. She broke apart to look at it. 

“Ignore it,” he commanded, trying to bring her back to him.

“It’s your family.” She shot him a look. “Take the call. They’re happy for you and want to share it with you. We can pick this up the minute you hang up.” 

“The very minute,” he declared as she stood up from him. “I’m taking you up on it.” 

Claire laughed as he swiped on the call. “Hello. Ye’re on speakerphone.” 

“Is Claire there?” Jenny asked. 

“I’m here!” 

“Ye got nominated too!” Ellen squealed. “Congratulations, Claire! How wonderful!” 

A hand came to rest over her heart as she flashed a look at Jamie. 

“We’re so proud and happy for both of ye,” Brian told them. 

Claire sat back on his lap, her head leaning on his shoulder. His arm came around her protectively as they sat there listening to his family shower them with excitement and praise. Jamie couldn’t quite believe it all. The moment almost seemed too surreal.

His family’s unwavering support. 

A Tony Award nomination. 

And Claire. 

She was still — and probably always would be — the biggest shocker of all. The fact that she loved him back and supported him as eagerly as his family. Awards meant nothing next to her.

Next chapter

[chrismaverickdotcom]

A Quirky and Angsty Lady Bird Review

I am a quirky and angsty teenage white girl. OK… I mean… I’m not. I’m a middle aged black man. But sometimes I’m not sure. I like millennial pop music. I like YA fiction. I love me some CW TV shows (and yes, I maybe have a teeny bit of a schoolgirl crush on Stephen Amell, but have you seen him do the salmon ladder? Who doesn’t? I also can’t wait for the 100 to come back. And are you caught up on Riverdale? Because OMG!). I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m totally a dude… but my favorite movie of last year was probably The Edge of Seventeen, the story of a quirky and angsty teenaged white girl dealing with first world problems as she sat on the cusp of adulthood. I gave it 4.25 out of 5 stars. In retrospect, I maybe even owed it another quarter star. I just found it so relatable and perfect. It spoke to me. And you know, maybe I’d think it was an outlier. Maybe that was just a one-time thing. Except that this year my favorite movie (and it’s been a good year for movies, especially low to middle budget ones) is probably Lady Bird, the story of a quirky and angsty teenage white girl dealing with first world problems. Why do I relate to these movies so much?

Seriously… I’m starting to question things about myself.

Maybe it’s just that they’re good. Lady Bird certainly was. In fact, it was nigh perfect.

Perhaps we are entering something of a renaissance for the female bildungsroman film. That’s what these are. When I reviewed The Edge of Seventeen I noted that I couldn’t really write the review without spoilers, but that was ok because the entire plot of the film was largely given away by the trailer. It was the story of a quirky and angsty teenage girl who suddenly discovered that her quirky and angsty best friend was fucking her older brother. She then deals with it with a succession of completely predictable quirky angst. #WhiteGirlProblems, amirite? Up top! Hello? Anyone? Huh… I really was expecting a high five there. Which maybe would have worked better if there was anyone else in the room as I am typing the review. Oh well.

That said, as predictable as it might have been, that movie worked on every level because it really wasn’t about the plot. It was about the character development as you got there. It was enjoyable on almost every level. It was good because it wasn’t about where the story was going, it was about watching the story get there.

Lady Bird goes a different way. I can’t really spoil the plot because… well, it’s kind of hard to say what the plot is. Seriously. Just watch the trailer:

There’s not really a plot… per se. Lady Bird is a quirky and angsty teenage girl who hates her overbearing mother. That’s it. Seriously. That’s the gist of the story. And it’s not really even a story. It’s more of a character trait. And it’s amazing.

It’s paced very much like a novel. As I said, it’s a bildungsroman. It’s not so much about the specific things she does, so much as the experience of growing up. She has to learn to deal with changing relationships, jobs, applying to college, sex, family, politics, religion… all while trying to actually learn what it is to be an adult. It is about the weird point in life where she is trying to navigate who she is as a person.. figure out who that person is. And it all feels very real and organic.

The hook with Edge of Seventeen is that even though the main character, Nadine, seems like a lovely and bright girl, she’s really kind of an asshole inside. She’s mean and complex. Here, Lady Bird, played by Saoirse Ronan, is almost the exact opposite. She’s unremarkable. She’s an outcast. She’s a loser. She makes the worst first impressions. She’s not initially likable at all. At the end of the day, all of the issues that she encounters are mundane. They are completely ordinary things that we all go through. But the struggles seem real. The key to the film is learning that she has a wealth of emotional experiences going on inside. She’s a very three-dimensional and tangible. The problems may be insignificant in the grand scheme of the world (and Lady Bird knows this) but Ronan plays each scene like every complication is world ending, because to Lady Bird, they are. These are the biggest problems in her very small world. You certainly won’t aspire to be her… it’s more that you will fear that you are her. And that makes you root for her to be ok. For every flaw she has, she is the very definition of strong female character. Her complexities make her real. There’s a reason Ronan has two Oscar nominations and it feels like she is eyeing her third.

The supporting cast is equally strong. Laurie Metcalf is especially strong here as Lady Bird’s mother, Marion, and if Metcalf doesn’t get a Supporting Actress nomination for this film then something is very wrong with the world. Like Lady Bird, she is very unlikable in many ways. In fact, the trailer basically tells you that it’s her defining characteristic. But the success of the movie hinges on the character. You need to believe that although Lady Bird and Marion don’t really like each other that much, they do love each other. And the climax of the film depends on Metcalf getting that across throughout the earlier stages without having it feel forced. She nails it.

And from that comes humor. I’m oddly hesitant to call this a comedy. At least not in the same way that Edge of Seventeen was. It’s not farcical. Nothing contrived happens. The humor comes from its realism. It is funny simply because at the end of the day life is funny. You want to laugh simply to get through the awkwardness… to cut through the angst. The very familiar quirky angst that Nadine had in the other movie. The source is different. In fact, I’m fairly certain that Nadine and Lady Bird would probably hate each other (and now I kind of want to see that movie). But they have the same insecurities deep down. Not that they would have seen it in each other. And both films sort of show us that we all do. Quirky and angsty teenage white girls like Nadine, Lady Bird, and myself… and YOU. Because you are a quirky and angsty teenaged white girl too. You just don’t realize it. You’re too busy wrapped up in the drama of your own life to notice where you fit in with the rest of the world and to notice that everyone else is going through their own quirks and angsts at the same time.

Writer and director Greta Gerwig surrounds Lady Bird with supporting characters that are just as complex as she is. Rather than simply being window dressing to flesh out and facilitate Lady Bird’s life, they all seem to have their own stories going on. We are not privy to all of the details, but their lives seem to progress while they are off screen. When we do get a glimpse into their lives we see that they have unique problems of their own, some big and some small. Since it is not their story, we often don’t see the resolution. Just like real life. Even the most minor characters are delightful, especially Father Walther played by Bob Stephenson. He probably has about 60 seconds of screen time but he may be the highlight of the film.

However, perhaps the oddest thing about the movie is its time setting. It takes place over Lady Bird’s senior year from fall 2002 to spring 2003. There’s not really a good reason for this. Fifteen years ago doesn’t seem quite long enough to be “nostalgic.” After all, we’re currently in the midst of 1980s nostalgia right now. 2000s nostalgia shouldn’t be for another fifteen years. But perhaps that’s what Gerwig is showing us here. She’s ahead of the curve. One day all movies will be like Lady Bird.

That day can’t come soon enough.

★★★★¾(4.75 out of 5 stars)

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A Quirky and Angsty Lady Bird Review was originally published on ChrisMaverick dotcom