#//might link this into vanilla's profile as a “quick look at them” too ^^

[humming-pokemon-helpers]

Finally got the go-ahead to post about this… so, with the growing visibility of hybrids in the public eye, I was offered the opportunity to interview with RIME Magazine! (Capitalizing the name properly was part of the deal.)

I’ll be pasting the text of the article below for anyone without a subscription (to be fair, it’s also posted online, and I have permission), but before that… I also got a cover photoshoot! I wound up touching up my ears with my illusions… and some of the burn scars… but I’m quite happy with how it turned out, still. Wolfy couldn’t make it, so I took the photo with Chiru that day! Anyways, hope you enjoy. :)

(//Art is a commission by @/RhymeWithRay here or mostly on Twitter! They make amazing Pokémon-style work, worth a look for sure!!!)

But without further ado, the interview!

RIME Magazine sat down for an interview with Vanilla Cress, a Hisuian Zorua hybrid, human and Pokémon psychologist, Champion-class trainer in Paldea, Galar Champion Cup semifinalist, and hybrid model and activist, in early February. Topics discussed varied widely, from Cress's own experience growing up as a human-Pokémon hybrid, understanding Pokémon, Cress's recent modeling and activism, and future plans. What follows is a condensed and edited transcript of the interview.

That's quite the list of accolades you've accumulated along the way. What do you think has led you to achieve so highly?

Well, for one, I think you're giving a lot of this more credit than it's worth, [laughs]. I'm not sure being pulled off of the street because I look like a walking ice-cream cone is much of an accomplishment, personally. Nor do I do much activism apart from this interview now, apparently.

I think I understand the answer you're going for here, though. I would say that my hybridity's a large part of what brought me as far as I've come. Not only in having the gift to talk to our partners in life--which is an incredible gift--but in that there's this drive to prove myself. Or maybe to redeem myself. I'm not really sure which, personally. Doing things has just filled all of the gaps in my life, until now.

Right, and you only publicly "came out" as a hybrid less than a year ago.

Yes, less than a year ago! It's been a huge adjustment, but I have so much more energy these days, not having to worry about being discovered by hitting something with my tail, [laughs].

While my experience hasn't been entirely positive after "coming out" myself, and I realize that even being able to hide is a privilege many hybrids simply don't have, I will say that generally speaking, the public response has been overwhelmingly positive. Say, for every enemy I've made, I've made ten more friends in their place. And from so many different walks of life, too!

You say your experience wasn't entirely positive. Could you elaborate some on your negative experiences as a hybrid?

Well, if I have to. Which I suppose I don't, but it seems rude not to. There are, of course, people out there who view you as subhuman, when you look like me. Or in maybe a less extreme sense, people who have a tendency to see all of the fluff and decide "Oh, this person--I should talk to this person like they're a child." But those are really quite few and far between, at least in my case. I'm more likely to scare people, with the teeth and the claws. [They make a pose showing both off.]

My main negative experience, though, was something more personal and targeted.

Yes, there was the news earlier last year about the Dreamyard Laboratory...

"Earlier last year" doesn't feel right, somehow. I won't go much into detail, but yes, I was taken against my will for the purpose of illegal research on human-Pokémon hybrid power, by Colress Achroma. It was only due to the efforts of my dear friends that I'm here now. I cannot express my gratitude to them enough, if any of you are reading!

Thank you for sharing. To turn back the clock a bit, what was your childhood like, being half-Zorua?

Well, for most of that time, it was like paradise! When I was a young child, we were quite isolated, so I never got the sense that my life was "off" or "strange". I thought for the longest time it was normal to have a family like mine. My older sibling, Wolfgang, a Zorua then--we were just "W" and "V" at the time--he and I would just run wild and play in Lostlorn Forest for hours while the rest of the pack hunted. And then they'd come back, and they'd start in on whatever they'd caught, and my mother would swoop back in to make me something completely different. And teach me the alphabet. [Laughs]

Was there a time, when that facade cracked?

Oh, there was this time, right when I had gotten used to using my illusions, that my mother brought me to the grocery store with her. And that's when I learned a lot of facts about the world very quickly. And then I had to learn those facts all over again, a few years later, when I rejoined the human world with my adopted family. Everything had to be hidden after that, or else. It was dangerous, not knowing what sort of person you'd meet, or who'd want to hurt you just for existing.

You say you were also adopted?

Right. There was... a forest fire, at one point. Intentional. And I lost everyone dear to me but Wolfgang. And I became the sort of Zorua you see here now [a Hisuian Zorua]. And after a few years of... homelessness and what not, I was taken in by the Cresses. It was a chance encounter. And it was a major culture shock! Going from streets to high society parties. It was thanks to them, though, that I managed to find something to do with my life and graduated from Naranja-Uva.

And in between that, the Galar gym challenge...

[Laughs] I'm sure you have a clip of that somewhere. I'd rather not talk about it, that was... a strange period of teenagerhood for me.

How do you feel about your childhood, on reflection?

That's tough. That's something I believe I'm still working out, myself. It was positive moment-to-moment, but considering what I know, now, I would say... to some degree, I resent it. It's hard not to resent being born in a position where it feels like, for so long, nobody understands you. I wouldn't trade Wolfgang for anyone else, but otherwise, I do wish, sometimes, I was "just" a human.

I can imagine. At the same time, talking to Pokémon is quite the advantage, right? What is it like?

Depends on the Pokémon! Some of us are more talkative than others, and of course, there's a range in how sophisticated Pokémon communication is too.

The difference is something like... imagine two Pokémon asking for pizza. In my experience, a Solosis would usually just beam the word "PIZZA" right into your mind. A Sewaddle might be coherent enough to say "Pizza, please". And a Zoroark... probably something along the lines of "give me the damn pizza already," [laughs].

So sometimes you can get a lot across by understanding Pokémon, but that doesn't mean they're all speaking in the same way as humans still. Understanding those individual differences goes a long way in my line of work, too. It's a bit easier than reading behavior, anyways!

As a Pokémon psychologist, what's one thing you think more people should understand about their Pokémon?

More than anything... it sounds cliche, but most Pokémon truly view humans as their partners, just as we do them. As much scientific proof as has gone into the question of proving that Pokémon love us as much as we love them, in my experience... that's absolutely true.

At the same time, even as partners, Pokémon think quite differently from humans in their daily life. I think in order to create the most balanced world possible, where both can coexist, it's key to consider the Pokémon's perspective more too.

What's one thing you'd like to impart about hybrids to people who don't know much about them?

Every hybrid's experience is different, firstly! Some, like me, are born, but others are created through science or magic we still don't know about. Some may look almost identical to humans, and some may have appearances considered frightening or unusual. Some of us have long-standing health problems. Some of us can use moves, or speak in Pokémon language, or access abilities, whereas others may be more limited. There's no one experience that I can really label as "the hybrid experience".

There are people who might think we're dangerous. Or inhuman. But whether you consider us 'human' or not... like any living being, we still deserve respect and a voice. Maybe that's obvious, but I think it still rings true.

Finally, what are your plans from here?

I'm hoping to finish my Unova League challenge together with my traveling partner! I certainly don't intend to become the Champion, but if I can say I challenged every member of the Elite 4, I'd be happy.

From there... well, there are a few things I'd like to resolve otherwise, but I think I'll return to my day job as a therapist, and hopefully, my own personal sword training. I'd also like to spend more time with my friends, my traveling partner, and my family in Lostlorn! My brother, Wolfgang has four incredible kits, and they're the absolute most adorable--

I'm afraid we're out of time for today, Mx. Vanilla.

Ah, yes. Thank you for having me!

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Contact Comfort

Spencer Reid x (gender neutral) Reader

Word Count: ~2000

Warnings: None, really? Emotional hurt/comfort and sorta like a touch starved deal doing on, but it’s pretty thoroughly fluffy and sugary-sweet. 

A/N: For the “bed sharing” square on my @cmbingo​ card! 

Title is from the referenced psych study, because I’m a dork. 

“One sec,” you call, wincing at how thick and nasal your voice sounds.

You wipe your cheeks hastily as you sit up. It’ll be obvious anyway, though; wouldn’t take a profiler to notice your tear tracks and blotchy face. 

It’s Spencer. Of course it is — because he’s the last person you want to see you like this, when you’re all snotty and puffy and gross. 

His eyes go wide and solemn when he sees your face, genuinely distressed. There’s that empathy again, the too-big heart that everyone seems to overlook in favor of his big brain. You love him for it. 

Well, you love him for a lot of things. 

“Hi,” he says quietly. “I was going to just ask if you were okay, but… I guess I don’t actually need to ask now.” 

You let out a watery little chuckle. “Guess not.” 

“You want some company?” He looks hopeful, almost, and then seems to catch himself, dropping his gaze with a shrug. “I understand if you just want your space, though.” 

If it was anyone else, you absolutely would not want company right now. But it’s Spencer, so. You pretty much always want him around. 

“I was just about to turn on some shitty TV because it felt too quiet in here, honestly. Company would be really nice.” 

He gives you a quick twitch of a half-smile as he steps past you, and after you close the door, there’s a pause where you both stand there and look at each other, Spencer suddenly shy as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, in a thin unhappy voice. 

“Not really. Just… one of those days. One of those cases.” 

“Can I do anything to help?”  

You hesitate, because it seems like such an immature thing to say out loud, but you’re too tired to be anything other than honest.

“I could use a hug.”  

Spencer’s expression goes all soft and sweet, and your cheeks feel hot under the drying salt water as he steps closer. He wraps his arms around you, and you bury your face in his chest and try to inhale. Your exhale is a ragged little shudder, and you fist both hands in the back of Spencer’s cardigan as you cling to him, feeling raw and sensitive and so very young. 

He lets out a quiet, shaky sigh of his own, squeezing you tighter. 

How long has it been since anybody hugged you like this? It’s like the contact — the warmth of him — the pressure of his arms around your shoulders — the rise and fall of his chest under your cheek — is lifting some massive weight you never realized you were carrying. All you want in the entire world is to hold him tight, take the comfort while you can, but you know you should pull away. 

He hesitates for a second before releasing you, like maybe he doesn’t want to let go either. 

Then he’s stepping back, hands in his pockets, slightly pink-cheeked as he bounces on the balls of his feet and gives you one of his frog-faced not-quite-smiles. 

“You said something about shitty television?” he asks. “Or maybe we could watch some television that’s not actually shitty?” 

“That sounds perfect.”

Turns out Planet Earth is on, which is the rare overlap in your and Spencer’s tastes, and it’s not until you’re eagerly toeing off your shoes that you realize the bed is the only seating option. 

Spencer sits cross-legged, with his elbows on his knees and his chin propped on his fists, and he stays as close to the edge of the bed as physically possible. You lean back against the headboard and hug your knees to your chest, feeling the need to hunch over, like you could physically protect your heart. 

Then again, it’s much too late for that. You knew your heart was in trouble the moment you met Spencer. 

Today, especially, you already feel vulnerable, like all your carefully-constructed walls cracked open the second you let yourself cry, and now you’re just ripped-open and bare. You need a good night’s sleep and a long, hot shower before you’ll be able to go about your life as a professional, fully-functional, grown-up human again. Right now you’re just kind of a mess.  

“I know there’s the germ thing,” you blurt out, without looking at Spencer. “But —” 

His laugh sounds crackly and nervous, but relieved, like maybe he’d been holding his breath. “Come here.” 

You give him a grateful smile as you scoot closer to each other, and apparently you’d been so worried about your own swollen eyes earlier that you hadn’t noticed the fatigue evident in every drawn, wan line of his face. 

Not that he isn’t still the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. 

You duck tentatively under Spencer’s arm, and it’s not like you’re cuddling, exactly, because there’s still an inch or so of space between your hips and legs… but the bony plane of his chest, between collarbone and heart, makes a surprisingly perfect pillow. You pull the sleeves of your sweater over your hands, tucking them under your chin, curling up.

The moment feels delicate, like a soap bubble that you could burst if you simply breathe too loudly, and you hold yourself stiffly, at first, not wanting to move any closer for fear of pushing a boundary. It feels like you’re glowing at the points where your bodies are touching; the warm weight of his arm feels like bright spring sunshine across your upper back. His palm on the round of your shoulder is thawing away the last chilly bits of your self-consciousness. 

When the commercial break starts, Spencer says, “Do you ever think about how little physical contact the average single adult experiences on a regular basis?” His voice is quiet and almost sheepish. 

You smile. “Yeah, I’ve considered it.” 

“Especially when we live away from our families,” Spencer says wistfully. 

You can feel the vibration of his words in his chest. You shift, making yourself more comfortable, feeling dazed and dumb with his proximity.

“The monkeys. I feel like — you know?” 

“Harlow. I know exactly what you mean.”

Trust him to get that from your ridiculously vague mumbling.  

“Except they’re babies,” you add. 

“The emotional benefits of physical touch don’t decrease just because we get older,” he says softly. “It’s just that the fear of judgement makes it difficult to be honest.”

There’s silence for a minute as the show starts again, and David Attenborough says something about sloths. Spencer’s thumb strokes your shoulder gently, back and forth, soothing. It’s hypnotic, and the tension drains from your muscles, leaving you more relaxed than you’ve felt in a long time. 

“Thank you,” he whispers. 

You swallow hard. “For what?” 

“Being honest.” 

There’s no reason for your eyes to be stinging like this, but they are. “I should be thanking you.”

“Nothing to thank me for. This is… really nice.” 

“Yeah. It really is.” 

He’s quiet again. 

Spencer smells like vanilla and old books — although the latter might just be your imagination, something to do with the power of mental association — Spencer could probably explain the science behind that. Your brain has them inextricably linked, though. You’ve caught hints of that smell before, but never up close like this. 

The softness of the worn knit of his cardigan makes you want to rub your cheek against it like a cat. His arm, skinny as it may be, feels like protection — like you’re safe here. 

After the brutal violence of the case and the emotional turbulence of the day, this quiet, golden moment is even more breathtakingly peaceful by contrast. It doesn’t feel real. 

It’s too good to last. This isn’t yours. It’s not going to last, no matter how right it feels, and your chest already aches with the idea of letting him go.    

You try to appreciate it while you can, to remember every sensation, but your body is leaden, exhausted down to the bone, completely drained of whatever adrenaline-stubbornness-caffeine combination was keeping you running until now. Spencer’s thumb rubs invisible circles on your shoulder, and he breathes evenly, and you feel safe. 

You’re asleep before the next commercial break. 

A distant car alarm wakes you, sometime later. In the handful of seconds before it’s turned off, you come to without opening your eyes, trying to remember where you are and who you’re with. The smell of vanilla makes you relax instinctively, before you can process why. 

Spencer has all but melted against you in his sleep, soft and boneless. He’s got both arms around you now, holding you close, his breath tickling your forehead. Then he stirs, and you can feel the moment he realizes where he is, because his muscles go tense as he freezes. 

“Sorry,” he murmurs hoarsely. He’s barely audible over the infomercial voices coming from the TV. “I didn’t mean to — sorry. I’ll go.” 

And before you can think better of it, you whisper, “Don’t.” 

He’s still frozen, and silent for a second that feels like an eternity. “You mean —”

“I don’t want you to leave. Stay.” 

Honesty seems to be your default setting tonight, and anyway, you can tell without looking at a clock that it’s long past midnight, well into the early-morning hours where boundaries and reservations and reality don’t seem to follow their usual laws. You can’t lie to him (or to yourself) right now. 

Spencer’s voice cracks as he says, “Okay. I’ll just — let me get the light.”

You don’t open your eyes as he slips away. This all seems like a dream, and the sharp bright lamp light might make it dissolve around you. You might wake up. 

The TV goes quiet, and when you tug at the hotel comforter, sliding between cool sheets fully clothed, the barely-there rasp of moving fabric sounds loud in its absence. 

Spencer turns off the lamp, and you open your eyes. You can just see his shape as he navigates the dark room, negative space on a charcoal backdrop, but as your vision adjusts, you can see a faint suggestion of his features in the blue-black. 

You feel it, though, when his weight makes the springs of the old mattress dip. You’d expected him to lie on his back again, but instead his face is just inches from yours when his cheek comes to rest on the pillow. You feel the way he’s breathing, quick and shallow and nervous. You feel your heart kick in your ribs, thudding so loud he must be able to hear it. 

He reaches out slowly, hooking an arm around your ribs, and pauses with just the very tips of his spidery fingers touching your back, between your shoulder blades: five soft points of contact that you feel so intensely they might as well be electrode pads connecting you to a defibrillator. 

This is crossing a line, and you both know it. 

It’s not a sexual touch, it’s not that sort of thrill going through you, but something about this feels profoundly intimate. That intimacy is almost more shocking than lust might’ve been, and it’s much more dangerous. It’s the sort of closeness you don’t walk away from unscathed.  

Spencer’s fingers flutter, butterfly-wing delicate, like one or the other of you might be trembling. 

“Are you sure this is okay?” he whispers. 

“Yes.”  

Maybe you’re both trembling. 

His palm comes to rest on your back, easing you closer, and you shift, settle, readjust. He pulls back and tilts his head just long enough to brush his lips over your temple, soft and sweet, before tucking you neatly under his chin, where you fit like you were meant to be there, with your nose nudging at the gap between his collar and the delicate skin of his throat.

“Sweet dreams,” he whispers, sounding just as awed as you feel. 

“Sweet dreams, Spencer.” 

.

.

.

If you enjoyed this, please reblog or leave a message! 

More Criminal Minds fic is here. 

[brideofedoras]

Soulbound: Almost Human

Disclaimer:  the usual, I only own my OCs

Word Count: 1700+

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Thoughts of cutting, onset of anxiety and asthma attacks

Chapter Two (link to Chapter One is on here as well)

**It is not stated what the length of time was between John waking from the coma to returning to work.  Maldonado mentions a month when she video calls him, but with physical rehabilitation to get his body back in shape and to get acclimated to the leg, not to mention all the psychological evals he’s gone through would take more than a month.  Being based in the future let’s say with medical and scientific advancements he was cleared to return to duty within a month but mentally he wasn’t ready to return.  I set his return as two months after waking up.**

Chapter Three

 Two months later…

Emily carefully stored her datapad in a side pocket of her toolkit, wishing Rudy would go to the precinct instead.  

Normally she didn’t mind going to the MX bay and running diagnostics or performing quick repairs or upgrades.  She kept to herself and nobody bothered her.  A couple of the detectives would wave to her or acknowledge her in some way (usually it was Valerie Stahl, she was super sweet), and sometimes Sandy would page her up to her office just for a quick chat and make plans for a drink after work.

But today…  Today was different.

Today Detective John Kennex might possibly be returning to work.  He had been putting it off, but Emily knew Sandy would push him into coming back.  The department needed him.

And Rudy had tasked her with getting an MX ready to work with the man, on top of working on a few other androids while she was at the precinct.

Her hands shook as she unzipped the main compartment of the black duffel, double-checking that she had all the tools she needed for quick repairs and upgrades.  

“Emily, your inhaler?”

She turned at Rudy’s concerned voice to find him standing next to her with one of her inhalers held out to her.  Her brow furrowed as she took it from him, meeting his worried eyes.  

“You’re wheezing,” he simply stated.  

Emily felt it then, the rattle deep in her lungs.  She quickly dosed herself before pocketing the device.  “Thank you,” she whispered hoarsely.

“Is everything all right?”  Her boss patted her shoulder in an awkward attempt at comfort.  “You’ve been to the precinct several times before.”

She nodded.  “Yeah, but…  This is the first time I’ll be there when he might be there.”  She turned back to her duffel.

“Oh.”  He patted her shoulder again.  “I’ve read several studies on comatose patients.  Seventy-six percent have retained a high level of sensory awareness and can recall conversations, odors, touch.  He will remember you.”  

 Pulling into the first available spot she could find near the precinct, Emily parked her car but sat there, hands gripping the wheel as she struggled to tamp down the growing anxiety.  A horn honked not too far behind her and she startled, a ragged wheeze ripping out of her throat.  

It took her a moment to remember how to unwrap her fingers from the steering wheel, the knuckles locked from how tight her grip was.  Another wheeze, sharper this time, spurred her into moving faster to get her inhaler and dosed herself with the albuterol.

“Focus, Emily.  This is just routine.  You’ve done this a hundred times, you can do this with your eyes closed.  Go in there, do your job, get back to the lab.”

Thirty minutes later she had completed running diagnostics and upgrading 785, the MX assigned to work with Detective Kennex.

“There, you’re ready for duty once your partner arrives,” she murmured.  “Your charge is low, why don’t you return to your charging station while I see to the rest of the MXes on my work order?”

She immersed herself in more diagnostics, quick repairs and upgrades.  By the time she finished and logged her notes on her datapad, signed off that the requests were completed and transferred them to the original work request, the MX was fully charged and ready to deploy.

“I’ll walk with you,” Emily shouldered her duffel and picked up her datapad.  

Her breath rattled in her lungs on the elevator.  Emily shifted her tablet to her other hand and slipped her inhaler out of her pocket, ready to use if needed.  She heard 785 shift next to her.

“Your vitals are increasing, Ms. Williams--”

She wheezed.  “I am aware,” she lifted the inhaler to her mouth.  She waited a moment as the medicine spread through her lungs before she spoke again.  “I have anxiety-induced asthma,” she held up her hand when the MX fully turned toward her.  “I do not require medical assistance.”

“Your vitals state otherwise, Ms. Williams.”

“If I feel worse, I will call my doctor,” she sighed, stepping off the elevator when the doors slid open.  

She looked around the bullpen, taking in the activity.  Detective Stahl stood with two other detectives, their attention focused on something across the room from them.  She followed their gazes and froze.

John Kennex stood at a desk, speaking with the officer seated behind it.

Her heart ached fiercely as she watched him sign something and turn toward the direction she needed to go.  His stride had a bit of an odd gait to it, barely noticeable.  But he was awake, he was walking.

He looked so handsome.

“Your… your partner, Detective Kennex, is headed to Captain Maldonado’s office,” she turned to the MX.  “Why don’t you go meet him?”

 Detective John Kennex turned away from the desk to head to the captain’s office.  Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention, and he turned.  His eyes fell on a petite brunette wearing skinny jeans, combat style boots, and a snug cranberry colored long sleeved henley waiting for an elevator, a duffel bag slung over her shoulder.  When she turned to glance over her shoulder and their eyes met, he frowned slightly as something tugged at the back of his mind.  A memory?  A conversation?  Do I know her?

It was gone before he could even grasp it.

“Detective Kennex, I’m 785,” an MX approached him, drawing his attention from the baby blue eyes he’d seen and the sadness within them.  The android kept pace with the detective as he turned back toward the office.  “I’ve been assigned to you.  I am aware this is your first day back.  I only want to make your acclimation to active duty as smooth as possible for you.  I’m here to attend to all your n--”

John stepped into Sandra’s office, shutting the MX out.  “I’m not driving with one of those things,” he griped at the captain.  “A human partner was good enough for my father, it’s good enough for me.”

Sandra had been expecting that argument from her friend.  “Since you were last here, MX partners have become mandatory.  I’m not going to fight you on some kind of regulation thing, okay?”  She leveled as stern a look as she could on him.  

He held his ground.  “I’m not doing it.”

“Like hell you’re not,” Maldonado shot back.  “Have you read Tilden’s profile of you?  And, by the way, he is a very capable psychiatrist,” she was quick to state.  She knew John better than she knew herself.  The man hated shrinks more than he hated MXes.  “‘Kennex should return to service, never’,” she quoted from the file.   

“Never?  Wow, that’s… that’s a long time,” he snorted.

Sandra continued as if John hadn’t interrupted.  “‘Kennex is suffering from depression, mental atrophy, trauma-onset OCD, PTSD, and psychological rejection of his synthetic body parts’.”

“Well, that last part is true,” Kennex agreed.  

It was bad enough he’d lost his best friend in that ambush.  He lost a good chunk of his memory, his mentor, his leg, seventeen months of his life, and his girlfriend disappeared.  Learning all of this when he’d woken up craving, of all things, vanilla cupcakes (he was a donut guy) had unsettled him.  Discovering that what was left of his right leg had been modified for a synthetic prosthesis had sent him over the edge.

“Listen,” Sandra drew his attention back to her.  “You’re the only person more desperate than I am to find out how inSyndicate learned about that raid.  If we work together, we can do it.”  She pulled up a video for him to watch from the incident she had called him in for.  “This happened a few hours ago.  Robbery target was an armored truck, carrying bio research.  If this is an inSyndicate operation, it might help us to learn more about them.”

John studied the video as she spoke.  “What’s the connection?”

“Parabolic pulse charge was used to stop the vehicle,” she answered.  “I haven’t seen that since the ambush.”

He hid his flinch at the mention of the very thing that took his leg.  “Well, sure looks like inSyndicate,” he affirmed.  “Inventory report?”

“That’s not in yet,” she shook her head.  “Whatever they wanted, they killed four security guards to get it.  One of the thieves was shot.  He’s being treated at County.  John?  Keep the inSyndicate connection between us, okay?”

“You think someone in the department’s working with them?”  He asked.

“You’re the only guy I trust here,” Sandra admitted.  

John mentally shoved back the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.  “Okay.  I’ll check it out,” he agreed.

“One more thing,” Maldonado stopped him when he reached the door.  “Go easy on your partner.”

Yeah, right, Kennex opened the door.  He barely even looked at the MX.  “Come.”

 Emily felt the back of her neck tingle, as if she were being watched.  She knew her anxiety was getting the better of her and tried to ignore it, yet she still looked over her shoulder.

Her eyes locked with a pair of hazels.  John Kennex was looking at her.  

The elevator arrived just as 785 greeted Kennex, breaking the connection.  She thought she caught a flicker of agitation on the detective’s face before he turned toward Sandy’s office.  She turned to step onto the elevator, her chest growing tight.  She watched as Kennex stepped into her godmother’s office and shut the door on the MX as the elevator doors slid shut.

Her eyes burned as she realized just how desperately she had missed the detective.  For seventeen months he had been her one constant.  For seventeen months she’d had a purpose, a reason.  She’d been happy.

But these past two months?  Her world had been turned upside down.  

She’d gone from seventeen months of living to two months of existing.

Emily blinked away the tears before the elevator came to a stop on the first floor.  As she made her way out of the building she felt a familiar and very unwelcome itch, her new constant.  No, don’t… you can do this.  You don’t need to cut.  You’re stronger than this.

“I don’t think I am,” she whispered to herself when she reached her car.

[aharris00britney]

                                                                                                                                ASKS 14

Ok so 24 hours after I planned to do this but... last time I answered stuff was January(5 months ago). There is a lot under the cut ;n; sims, nonsims, other games, all kinds of stuff ya know

Anonymous said: Hi! Wcif the shirt you used on your Belle hair post? (Btw, that hair is GORGEOUS.)

I have the cc I use in my previews linked on Patreon. Makeup/skin and all that will be on my resource page once I get around to updating it for my 2 new models (who will be up for download soon hopefully). Also ty <3

Anonymous said: What make-up do you use for most of your posts?

The only eyeshadows I use are by @crypticsim or @catplnt. The makeup I use on Macie/Taylor are listed on my resource page. The other two models makeup will be added once I get them added on there but I know they both use similar stuff to Macie/Taylor.

@thatsimmergirl91​ said: Just wanted to take a moment out and say how amazing you are ! I love all your stuff and your blog. Never forget how awesome you are 💗💗💗💗🙌🏻🙌🏻

Thank you so much. Like I know I am going to be typing a lot of thank yous in this post, but I truly mean them. Playing Sims/Making cc is something I did not think would be such a big thing in my life but god is it and I love doing it. Thank you again <3

Anonymous said: You're incredible and I love all your hairs! In fact, you're my favorite cc hair creator. My question is are you planning on making any hairs with the Island Living meshes anytime soon?

Thank you! I am glad you enjoy my hairs <3 I am planning some stuff with the island living meshes. Probably just a conversion to toddlers if I am able and I might do something simple with the adult meshes to release outside of my Patreon stuff. We shall see though! Ty again

@ayoshi​ said: When are you opening an Onlyfans?

idk babe when are you posting your birthmarks? ;)

Anonymous said: Heya! Love your cc! You're real talented

thank you! <3 It isn’t so much talent, more or less just a lot of practice and time. I appreciate the compliment though

Anonymous said: any tips to get high quality sims screenshots??

I have 2 methods I use. When I am taking CC previews I rotate my screen using Ctrl + Alt + the ◄ key. For my lookbooks/upcoming Sim downloads I use a method by foursims who deactivated?? This is the method/video <3

@verdeclaroangels​ said: What skin do you use??💕PS i love u

I use @luumia​ newest vanilla default, alongside his Smooth Butts overlay, and my own fruitpunch overlay. All are linked over on my resource page <3

@vhlori​ said: Austin queen of pop!

q king of edits! <3

Anonymous said: i love your creations and i appreciate the time you put into your cc, i wish i could support you 💕

Thank you!! Sometimes the time crunches can be stressful but I put them on myself so I survive haha. Don’t feel the need to support me please <3 I make sure everything is public eventually so that people dont feel like they are missing out on anything by deciding not to pledge. Thank you for wanting to though, I appreciate that a ton.

Anonymous said: Just a rant here. I'm annoyed that there are no rings in the glove category or some other category. The reason I want this is because I use eyelashes that are in the skin detail section and rings don't work and I don't want to use the accessory eyelashes because my sim wears glasses. It annoys me but that's all.

i... rant away luv i feel u

Anonymous said: What do you do besides sims? That is all you post about and I was curious if that is all you play?

I play Roblox with @ayoshi sometimes, cause that is about all my computer can handle lmao. I have a switch so I play some Nintendo titles on there like Zelda, Splatoon 2, and other stuff. I also have been plying Fortnite recently with @imvikai @greenllamas and @pinealexple. That is about all I play right now lmao. I play Animal Crossing Pocket Camp and Pokemon Go on my phone.

Anonymous said: Hi there ! Just wanted to say I've also been experiencing that problem with your 'downloads' page. I don't have a Tumblr account so I had to tell you this way. Perhaps it's a MacBook issue ? I'm not sure, but I'm using a MacBook Pro. Anyways, thank you for all the beautiful cc you provide us with, you're the best.

Yeah I got another ask about them using a Mac for it. That seems to be the problem. I am not a coder, nor do I know a single thing about coding. All I can suggest doing is going to http://aharris00britney.tumblr.com/tagged/s4cc and using that which sucks to page through I know :( I am sorry

Anonymous said: This is really random, but I love your Sims! I normally don't like Sims with Clay hair, but GIRL, you make them work. Just want to say to keep it up, and if I had money I would support you <3

Thank you lmao <3 stan clay hairs

Anonymous said: Literally im in this sims discord nd they were DRAGGING how you make the same sim in different skin colors and how you make such cookie cutter sims and honestly i felt bad

Meanwhile me in CAS:

Anonymous said: This may be a strange request but what does that one alien toddler you've used on multiple occasions to model hair look like when he's older?

He uuh... idk where they are in my library tbh I can’t find them cause I was going to age him up and show ya but.. yeah idk what happened RIP alien toddler

@amorimlulu said: Hi! I love your creations, they're incredible! I'm completely in love with two of your sims: the asian woman from the patreon 06-16 post and the woman from the ava hair post. Could you, pretty please, upload them on the gallery? I'm dying to play with them. Thank you ^^

I am planning to in the next month! I have the photos taken I just need to get the CC list together and plan it around Island Living posts, CC posts, all that jazzzzzz

Anonymous said: Hello Austin! I really like the way your sims look, so I was wondering if you can tell me where to get the skins and lashes, please? I am new to the Sims 4 and searching for some cute looks :)

Hey! I have this stuff listed on my resource page, and I have over 100 WCIF’s I have answered along with my lookbooks for some clothes. My cc finds blog is @aharris00finds​ if you want to look there :D

Anonymous said: can i just ask? how do you remove the shadows on hair with S4S? im a complete noob at s4s and i was wondering how you would do it?

You just need to click shadow, then make blank :) pic below

Anonymous said: Hi, just a quick message to say THANK YOU for all those beautiful creations. You are so talented and I want you to know that. Thank you so much for making my sims look way more beautiful !

thank you so much <3 I have said it before and idk if anyone will be able to convince me, but I am not talented lmao it just is experience :)

Anonymous said: hey, could u pls make a tutorial abt how u make ur mesh?? i love ur hair meshes so much

I have tried filming a tutorial before and I will just have to wait til I get a good mic lmao. My speed meshing videos are somewhat useful for learning but they are sped up and without instructions so take it with a grain of salt

Anonymous said: would you ever try to recreate lydia martins hair in 3.04? sorry, but you're the only teen wolf fan thats a simblr that i know and i desperately need that lovely hair in my game. thanks!         

tbh I never finished Teen Wolf XD I stopped at the end of season 5 I think. Idk I just lost interest as I grew up :(  Also I have no idea what hair that is sdfgfvb and google isnt telling me either. If you can send a link to a picture or DM me a picture I can see if I can make it <3

Anonymous said: Hi, could you please please upload this sim post/183989453251/e41 ! She's just too pretty

Anonymous said: please upload this sim from your post/183989453251/e41 for download? Thanks   

Idk if I still have her saved but if I do I might upload her. I will check and see later tonight lmao                    

Anonymous said: Is there any way to put everything you make into a .zip file. I really like what you make and I wish there was a way to mass download it. It sounds dumb but really I enjoy your content

Tbh since I post hairs 3 times a month it would be hard for me to keep everything up to date. I might do something like all my CC from 2017 in one zip, and all my cc from 2018 in another? and then make one for 2019 at the end of the year. I’m not sure though.

Anonymous said: Wheres the hair in yo profile pic? And will you upload that sim? AND can you make more clothes ur amazing at it!!! (Also, asking 4 my bff <3 r u boy or girl?)

the hair in my current profile pic is Maddie Hair, the sim is already for download, and I will have some clothes coming next month :) I am a boy :P

Anonymous said: hello! is the model sim in your eve hair valentines special downloadable? I find her really pretty. I really enjoy all of your cc!! I love all of them soooo much.. :)

I will check if I saved her to my library, if so I will add it to the list of stuff I wanna try and do <3 also thank you

Anonymous said: Hey! Love your hairs! Can I request a Riley hair without the hairclip?

the riley hair doesn’t have a clip so I am going to assume you mean the Peyton hair since it was released in the same month. It wouldn’t really be possible to do Peyton without the clip since it has a part of the hair going up into the clip. Without it there would be a hole and if the hole was filled in it would still look weird since the hair would be going up into nothing. I’m sorry <3

@lacr1mation23​ said: Kinda not a question. But, i'm gonna fangirl all over you. You ROCK!!! I LOVE your CCs. BEST. HAIRS. EVAR.   Impressed like woah from Florida. 

thank you so much ;n; this made me smile lmao I appreciate stuff like this a ton

Anonymous said: Hey I think there's something wrong w/ your Lydia hair.. could u fix it?

I’m not sure what the glitch is, so if you could send me a photo or an explanation of what it is then I could help.

Anonymous said: I'm sorry you're having a bad day! I want to let you know your CC is lovely and I hope you have a better day tomorrow! Lots of love and if you like chocolate then I'm sending you plenty of virtual chocolate to help you feel better!

lmao idk what ‘bad day’ I was happening when this was sent but thank you!! I had a rough semester but I am doing a lot better now I think :)

@simsloverlilian​ said: Hi lol I just think this is really funny, my friend asked me where do you get your cc? and I was like: "oh.. ahoob's WCIF place xDDDDDD" and we both died laughing.. at your place you can get amazing hairs, accs, shirts! (lol love your cc keep it up! ;))

thank you so much! I love that yall use my blog for finding cc :)

@raha-plays-the-sims​ said: Okay... I actually want to take a screenshot of my Sim with your new Riley hair on to my hair dresser and tell her to cut my hair that way XD I love it so much! Thank you for continuing to make amazing content!

lmao i have wanted to do this before with a male hair i found for my game. I never went through with it though XD thank you for the compliment <3

Anonymous said: Everyone!!! Stan LOONA for clear skin and good health...

stan red velvet and WJSN

Anonymous said: I just want to say that "EVERYTHING" about your blog/cc/sims is absolutely immaculate. Your CC is like renaissance to Sims 4 modding(I ain't even kidding).Thank you for sharing/uploading them here on tumblr.  Would you be uploading any video on how you create your sims on youtube anytime soon? And what sliders do you usually use in creating sims if there are some?

thank you so much!!! I have tried recording my game before and the footage just comes out super lag. Hopefully later this year I will be able to get a computer and I could record something then. Also I don’t use any sliders or presets on my main Sims :)

@lllac-lady786​ said: This isn’t a question, but your sims are just so pretty and you are so talented 🤩

thank you <3

Anonymous said: Did something happen to your Lydia hair?

I don’t think so? It seems to be fine for me

Anonymous said: How are you able to edit the new game pack when sims4studio hasn't been updated yet? I am itching to edit some stuff but I can't yet :(

I use CAS Tools! I might make a tutorial this week depending on how busy I am. Not sure though <3

Anonymous said: How likely would you be to recommend the new pack to another simmer out of 10?

(this was sent during Strangerville) I would say 8/10 recommendation. But I love storylines and stuff in games so my opinion is very based on that.

Anonymous said: Would you ever make male hair or recolour some of ea's so they work with your ombre accessory?

I am thinking of doing some ombre accessories for the new Island Living pack for the two ombre hairs. I am not sure if I will be able to or not but I will see :)

@milugameplay​ said: Hello sweetheart, I just like to say that I love the hairs that you create. Thank you for sharing them with us.            

thank you <3 i appreciate the compliment

Anonymous said:Hi! When you uploaded peach earrings, the blonde sim had a braided hairstyle. Was it cc or a maxis one?     

hey! It is from outdoor retreat GP :)     

Anonymous said: Have nothing to ask. Just want to tell you that you are amazingly talented. ❤ I have been playing the sims since its original Sims 1 release, and have always been a heavy CC user. (Upwards of 50GB in sims 3). Never have I ever felt the need to download EVERYTHING a creator has ever made, until I found you.  So, in short, you are amazeballs. Keep it up.

this is so sweet lmao. Even I don’t have all my own CC in my game <3 I appreciate this so so much. Thank you for this

Anonymous said: How did you learn to create custom content??Did you see any video tutorial? I'm trying to create a hair but I can not get it :(((( help me please

most of the stuff I have learned from trial and error, or help from S4S fourms and friends :) Feel free to message me with questions on tumblr or discord

Anonymous said: I know Sims 5 is still so far away, but I still have a question! With the release of Sims 4 so many awesome creators for Sims 3 just stopped creating from one day to another. So my question is: Could you imagine yourself creating Custom Content for Sims 5? I'm asking because I seriously love every single piece you create for Sims 4, and I really wish the glory era of Ah00b won't end with the release of Sims 5. Ily! <3

it depends on the style that TS5 goes for tbh. I love Sims 4 style and I don’t know much of anything about creating alpha hairs so if TS5 goes that direction I doubt I would be able to create for it. also thank you for calling it the glory era of ah00b lmao

Anonymous said: You have hairs named after all the girls in black pink except Rosé. Is there a reason for this?

Well I named a hair Rosanne thinking it was close enough to her name lmao. I might name a hair coming in July Rosie. We shall see when it gets to July XD

[knowyourincantations]

Femslash February 2019 Masterpost

All works are collected in this series on AO3 and under this tag on tumblr.

I didn’t really plan on doing every single day but I’m a bit of a completionist so once I started...I was pretty much locked in to write and post a fic every day XD But my main goal was really just to push myself to make them each longer than the much shorter drabbles I wrote for Sapphic September 2018:

Avg words per fic: Sapphic Sept: 665 Femslash Feb: 1,178

Total word count at the end: Sapphic Sept: 19,960 Femslash Feb: 33,044

I think I definitely achieved my goal of outdoing my Sapphic September efforts =)

I also started dabbling in edits around halfway through, so some fics have edits as well, I also cross-posted all edits to my instagram =)

If you enjoy any of these, I’d love to hear about it in a comment on AO3 if you have the time =)

Ships written are: Pansmione, Delachang, Linny, Parvansy, Ginsy, Ginny/Tonks, Ginmione, Flonks, Daphne/Pansy, Lunsy

Anyway, here’s all the summaries and links:

Week 1:

Day 1: ‘Opposites’ Hermione/Pansy (Pansmione) Opposites Day (921 words, Teen) Summary: “It’s opposites day,” Pansy said, settling onto her back on the grass and looking up at the sky. “We’re all supposed to act in contradiction to ourselves. There’s supposed to be a lesson in there somewhere, I’m sure.”

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 2: ‘Pink’ Cho/Fleur (Delachang) Better Than Any Boy (577 words, Teen) Summary: The Yule Ball is approaching, and Cho and her friends are lamenting the rudeness of boys when Fleur suggests a solution.

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 3: ‘Lost’ Ginny/Luna (Linny) What’s Missing Is Not Lost (1,269 words, Teen) Summary: Unable to see what it is she truly wants, Ginny keeps looking in all the wrong places, finding nothing but hurt feelings along the way. But it's okay, Luna's always there to pick up the pieces and give her hope for the future. If only Ginny could understand what her advice means.

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 4: ‘Cafe’ Hermione/Pansy Cafe Reunion (1,265 words, Teen) Summary: After parting just as the war fully broke out, Hermione hasn't seen Pansy for over a year before getting a letter with a time and place to meet as Pansy returns to England.

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 5: ‘Sharp’ Pansy/Parvati (Parvansy) The Things We Don’t Know About Each Other (1,379 words, Explicit) Summary: Parvati finds out Pansy cheated but the confrontation reveals only more lies.

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 6: ‘The Moon’ Ginny/Pansy (Ginsy) Minding the Wolf (1,043 words, G rated) Summary: Before her, Pansy had been forced to lock herself inside and pine for the full moon. With Ginny, she could go out, secure in the knowledge Ginny would watch over her and keep her from revealing herself to anyone. Or if she couldn’t go out, would at least stay with her so she wasn’t alone.

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 7: ‘Disaster’ Hermione/Pansy Less like a Joke and More like the Truth (But She’ll Worry About That Later) (1,286, Mature) Summary: Hermione is working from home when Pansy barges in to rant about the latest disaster to befall a Charity Ball she's trying to host. Like most of Pansy's rants, it's short lived but leaves her with plenty of steam to blow off.

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Week 2:

Day 8: ‘Silent’ Ginny/Pansy Love Waits (2,154 words, Teen) Summary: Pansy took a vow of silence after the war but never told anyone why, near the end of eighth year, and after dating her for several months, Ginny is determined to try and find out why Pansy is still not talking. But the answer she gets is nowhere near what she could have expected.

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 9: ‘Lavender’ Ginny/Tonks Better Naked and Cold Than Covered in Lavender (1,035 words, Teen) Summary: When Ginny wakes up without Tonks beside her, she panics at first. A quick check of the house shows her alive an well, jut suffering from another of her mission mishaps. But Ginny's not putting up with this one.

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 10: ‘Waiting’ Pansy/Parvati Third Time Lucky (1,511 words, Teen) Summary: The waiting really was torture. “Maybe I should floo the office and see what the delay is,” she said slowly. “It really would be better to know now instead of continuing to wait like this.” But she’d barely thought of actually moving when the fireplace chimed. Parvati went rigid against her and Pansy scrambled for her wand to open the gate.

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 11: ‘Rest Day’ Ginny/Luna Fast or Slow? (1,099 words, Mature) Summary: Ginny has plans to read all day on the sofa on her one rest day from training. Luna has other plans for her.

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 12: ‘Balloons’ Ginny/Hermione (Ginmione) One Step at a Time (370 words, G-rated) Summary: Hermione is determined to rid herself of her fear of heights and flying and asks Ginny to help her along. Ginny tries a more muggle route.  

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 13: ‘The Sun’ Fleur/Tonks (Flonks) For the Sake of Concerned Muggles (496 words, G-rated) Summary: Fleur and Tonks are on holiday and Fleur is determined to return to England with a tan. Fic + Edit

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 14: ‘White’ Cho/Fleur A Perfect Picnic (1,557 words, Teen) Summary: On a rare sunny and warm day between the second and third tasks of the Triwizard Tournament, Fleur sneaks Cho away for a picnic. Fic + Edit

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Week 3:

Day 15: ‘Umbrellas’ Hermione/Pansy Sharing Is Caring (982 words, Teen) Summary: When Hermione is ready to head back to Hogwarts from Hogsmeade, long after Harry and Ron left, she stumbles across Pansy stranded in the rain without umbrella or wand. Fic + Edit    

(AO3 | Tumblr) 

Day 16: ‘Blue’ Fleur/Tonks Why so Blue? (809 words, Teen) Summary: Curse-Breaker Fleur has been assigned a job out of the country for a few months. The morning before she leaves, Tonks is feeling a little blue about it. Fic + Edit

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 17: ‘Damned’ Daphne/Pansy Damned on Our Own Terms (1,300 words, Mature) Summary: There was a low mutter and Pansy clenched her hands into fists by her sides.“This castle is our home too,” she said. “A better home for more of us than we’d like to admit. We have to fight.”She could see some people nodding, but many more were shaking their heads. It was a lost cause. And she wasn’t brave enough to go up there on her own. Fic + Edit

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 18: ‘Safe’ Hermione/Pansy Anything to Make Her Feel Safe Again (922 words, Teen) Summary: After the war, Hermione suffers from terrible nightmares. But Pansy is always there to bring her back from the dark spaces in her mind. Fic + Edit

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 19: ‘Vanilla’ Hermione/Pansy More Familiar Than You Think (676 words, Teen) Summary: Hermione finds herself puzzled by the scent profile of her Amortentia as they brew it again in their special Eighth Year. Fic + Edit

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 20: ‘Hate’ Hermione/Pansy Loss of Surety (770 words, Mature) Summary: Over the years she’d come to believe Hermione was utter pants at hiding anything she thought. It turned out that couldn’t be further from the truth. Fic + Edit

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 21: ‘Wings’ Cho/Fleur Collecting Feathers and Finding Wings (5,055 words, Teen) Summary: Or 'Five times Cho found feathers she couldn't explain, and one time she finally saw the wings they came from'. Fic + Edit

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Week 4:

Day 22: ‘Shopping’ Hermione/Pansy Shopping with Hermione (438 words, Teen) Summary: She loved a good second hand book sale herself, and had a tidy stack next to her too, but she had a sense of restraint, unlike her idiot wife. She knew when to stop. Fic + Edit

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 23: ‘Gold’ Hermione/Pansy Live a Little (1,521 words, Mature) Summary: Hermione encounters Pansy Parkinson in a hotel bar. It doesn't go as she might have expected. Fic + Edit

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 24: ‘Blessed’ Fleur/Tonks Daydreaming at the Wrong Moment (1,232 words, Teen) Summary: “Did we...did we just get Veela-married?”

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 25: ‘Split’ Pansy/Parvati Unexpected Gratitude (851 words, Teen) Summary: Pansy has a split lip, Parvati is determined to help.

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 26: ‘Comfort’ Ginny/Hermione Midnight Serenade (708 words, G-rated) Summary: When Ginny has to go overseas for the International Quidditch season, Hermione fixes Harry's broken two way mirror and gets her hands on its counterpart.

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 27: ‘Space’ Luna/Pansy (Lunsy) No Such Thing as Too Close (1,010 words, Teen)

(AO3 | Tumblr)

Day 28: ‘Princess’ Hermione/Pansy Work and Reward (808 words, Teen) Summary: Pansy has a pet name for Hermione. Hermione doesn't like it but she might have found a way to make it work for her.

(AO3 | Tumblr) 

[zmediaoutlet]

femme

Title: femme Link: (AO3) Square Filled: Feminization Ship: Sam/Dean Rating: E Tags: Established Relationship, Bunker Era, Feminization, Dirty Talk Summary: Rummaging around the internet, Dean finds a kink he hadn't seen before; Sam explains, and demonstrates. Word Count: ~4500 Created for @spnkinkbingo

The stitches on Sam's shoulder are holding, though they're an annoying stinging distraction whenever he reaches for his beer on the nightstand, or tries to get a new one. Dean's got the slowly-warming twelve-pack planted between them on the bed and Sam could probably drag it closer if he wanted, but it seems like a lot of effort, just now. They're holed up in a wildly sketchy motel on the outskirts of Spartanburg and it's been a long enough day that he doesn't so much care if he gets blood spots on their scratchy sheets, especially with how the rude old woman at the desk had frowned through renting him the king-size room. Even so—

"Dude, stop pulling your stitches," Dean says, giving him a quick backhand to the belly. Sam sinks back to the awkwardly stacked pillows with a huff, and Dean grabs a fresh beer for him, twisting off the cap before he hands it over. "That's fine work I did, don't be messing it up."

"Don't sell yourself short over there," Sam says, rolling his eyes, but he tries to settle more comfortably anyway. The mattress is an old one and he doesn't even want to imagine what other stains it might have under the covers, but maybe he shouldn't add to them. Anyway, Dean always bitches if he has to re-do stitches, bitches more about Sam bleeding on him, and he might as well avoid that headache, too. He takes a swig of the beer and sighs at the television. Shark Week reruns, because Dean insisted after they got to take out a bunyip inexplicably lurking in Georgia and both got soaked to shit in the lake, and Dean's got a perverse sense of humor, sometimes. They're both stripped down to their underwear, after peeling out of their wet clothes and rinsing off the mud and blood and lakewater grime, and Dean's got the heater on but it's still kind of cold in here. Sam keeps letting the chilly beer bottle glance against his bare belly and then has to hiss and pull it away, resting it against the blanket instead. Dean's not even paying attention to the TV, just screwing around on his laptop on his side of the bed, though when Sam went to change the channel during an extra-goofy great white attack reenactment he got another smack and an are you kidding? this is the best part!, so he keeps suffering through it. Maybe he'll go for a fourth beer.

Proof that Dean's not paying attention: "Wow," he says, under his breath, and Sam glances over to see him—

"Are you kidding," Sam says, on a sigh.

Dean's hand flashes up to close the lid on the laptop, ancient reflex, before he grimaces and lets Sam see it. It's not like it's the first time he's caught Dean looking at porn, although they usually aren't actively in bed together. "I was just looking something up," Dean says, sort of defensive.

The site he's on is full of just—ass, semi-artistic pictures one right after the other. "I can't even imagine what the question was," Sam says. He shifts on the pillow, ignoring another sting from his shoulder blade, while Dean scrolls down, clearly fascinated. The pictures are focused enough that it's hard to tell if they're looking at women or men, all high full muscle waxed perfectly smooth. Pretty, either way, and Sam licks his lips.

"Perv," Dean says, and then grins when Sam gives him a look. "Okay, yeah, fair." He scrolls down more, and there's a picture all bent-over, a wet shine in the shadowed valley and a hand pulling the cheek open so they can see, and—wow is right.

"This is better than your usual," Sam says. It really is, enough that there's a swirl of warmth down in the pit of his belly. He swigs down the last dregs of his beer and puts the bottle on the nightstand, mutes the TV while he's at it. When he turns back Dean's on a picture all in black-and-white, the model arched and legs spread so that there's no obstruction to the hairless hole, just a glimpse of sack down below, and Sam bites his lip. The man's wearing polish, nails perfectly manicured and painted dark as he wraps his fingers around the back of his thighs, and—it's just a really, really good look.

"I was looking something up," Dean says again, almost stubborn, but when Sam glances up his ears have gone all pink.

The laptop's covering him up, but that flush is a telltale sign that Sam's known since he knew what his dick was for, and he starts to thicken up, just like that. "What was it?" Sam says, eyes now glued to Dean's profile. "Prettiest asses on the internet?"

Dean rolls his eyes and slides the laptop over to the nightstand on his side of the bed, swings off the mattress onto his feet. "You know that's not it, they don't have a picture of me on there," he says, popping up his eyebrows before he heads into the bathroom, and—well. He's not exactly wrong.

The bathroom door's still ajar between them and Sam can hear him taking a piss, echoey and loud on the grimy tile, and while he has the opportunity he leans over the wide expanse of the bed, his stitches pulling painfully at the stretch, and fetches the laptop, dragging it back over to his side. God, those are some nice pictures. It's not a porn site Sam recognizes. Certainly not one of Dean's usual—he goes for the cheesy stuff, videos of bouncy tits and big-dicked guys and lots of spray tan. He scrolls up, and now that he's getting a closer look he can tell that all of the models are guys. Just subtle tells, in the way their hips are built, the shape of muscles in their backs. None of them, still, as gorgeous as Dean, though there's no way Sam's going to mention that. He's smug enough as it is. Still, he wants to know how Dean got here, especially if he's going to try to be coy about it—and it's just a few clicks, through the browser history to a clumsy search, and he smiles when he reads the question.

The running water in the bathroom stops and Dean comes out, wiping his hands on the hips of his boxers, and he frowns when he sees Sam's holding his laptop. Sam raises his eyebrows at him, and reads aloud: "What's a 'bussy'?"

"Don’t start," Dean says, hands on his hips. "It's not like I know what the kids are saying these days."

He's still sort of flushed, pink high on his cheeks and ears, and Sam lifts his chin, beckoning him over. He comes, of course, even if he rolls his eyes. He knees up on the bed, bare thighs flexing prettily, and Sam slides a hand up one leg, gently tickling the fine, sparse hair. "Did you get your answer?" Sam says, his thumb slipping up under the leg of Dean's boxers.

Dean blinks at him, still knelt up high, and then shakes his head after a second. "Got distracted," he says, voice gravelly, and yeah, Sam can see the bulge of his dick, not quite soft.

Sam pushes the case of beer out of the way with his foot, down to the bottom of the bed, and lifts the laptop up, and when he tugs at Dean's hip with his other hand Dean shifts over easily, swinging his thigh over Sam's to sit heavy in his lap, his hands rough but warm on Sam's stomach. Sam puts the laptop on the bed next to them and opens a new tab, types an address in one-handed. "What, are we doing show and tell?" Dean says, eyebrows high, and Sam shushes him.

It's not like it's Sam's go-to kink. That's just—Dean, more or less, and he's had a lot of years to come to terms with how weird that is. He's run across this, though, in jerk off sessions through the years, and even if it's not his favorite it works for him. "Bussy's a dumb word for it," Sam says. He rests his free hand on Dean's smooth side, slides his thumb along the soft skin under his waistband. He hits enter and then watches Dean's face while the site loads, and—

"What the hell," Dean says, almost under his breath. He's sort of frowning but he's not looking away, and something in Sam's stomach lurches hot when he sets his teeth in his bottom lip.

The site's all sugary-pink, sparkles and bubblegum. Skinny pretty boys in pigtails and little dresses, dicks swelling up through their panties. "Boy pussy," Sam says, finally, and slides his hand up the leg of Dean's boxers to get a firm hold on the plush curve of his ass.

Dean blinks, his hips pushing back automatically against Sam's hand. He shifts his weight, his knees denting the mattress on either side of Sam's hips. "That—seriously?"

Sam taps the pad, clicks randomly and gets a scroll of preview pictures, more prettily made up boys smiling for the camera. He can't believe Dean hasn't run into this kind of thing before surfing for porn, but then Dean's always been sort of vanilla. It was a shock, when they finally started sleeping together. Sam had to pry and wheedle and finally get him drunk to pry the fantasies out of him and they were all the tamest stuff—picking each other up like we're strangers and remember how you had that soccer uniform and what if we backseated it, like high school? They were hot, because Dean was the one asking for them, and Sam happily obliged but he's never really pushed them further. What they've got, it's good. Even so—this, Dean flushing dark red as another boy hides his little dick and opens his mouth wide for the camera, this is—something.

"Got the name memorized, huh?" Dean says. He darts a glance at Sam, looks back at the laptop's bright screen. "You come here often?"

Sam smiles, kneads the handful of Dean's ass he's still holding onto. "Sometimes," he says. Dean's dick is chubbing up, in his boxers, obvious and pressing out the thin fabric where he curves left. His shoulders are broad, always have been, and even if his chest and stomach are a little soft, the curve of muscle in his arms and thighs isn't. There's no way Sam would ever, ever mistake him for a girl. He sits up more, lifting off the pillow, and presses a kiss against Dean's collarbone where there's that little spatter of dark freckles. "It's kind of hot, right?"

Dean's hand goes to the back of Sam's head, his fingers sinking into his hair, holding on while Sam leaves a soft line of kisses leading to the hollow of his throat. "Uh, I guess," he manages, but he's still hard and getting harder, pressing into the lowest part of Sam's stomach, and Sam licks over his collarbone and then sets his teeth in it, applying just the lightest pressure. "So, it's—crossdressing?"

"Not just that." Sam turns his head, squeezes Dean's ass while he taps again at the laptop and goes to a different part of the site, and it's asking for money now but there are more pictures, boys with completely smooth fronts in their skirts, boys leaning over with a plug pressed deep inside, keeping them open, giving heavy-lidded looks over their shoulders. "The whole thing's more like—being pretty, and available. Knowing that you're going to get fucked and that's all you want, all you're good for."

He pulls back, so he can see Dean's face. He's still red, but there's something sort of uncertain around the tilt of his mouth, and Sam frowns and puts his hands on Dean's hips, squeezing a little to get his attention. "Hey," Sam says, and Dean looks at him, his eyes dark. He rubs his thumbs in little circles over the softness of Dean's belly, just above his waistband, soothing just in case. "Too weird?"

Dean bites the corner of his lip, then dips his head, and Sam gives him the kiss he's obviously looking for. He's got two days of stubble and it's a familiar comforting scratch against Sam's skin, his arm strong when he curls it around Sam's neck and holds on. Sam keeps the kiss gentle, just small licks and presses with their noses brushing comfortably together, and Dean murmurs Sam against his lips, and then in between the close moving of their mouths he mumbles, disjointed, "I wore panties once."

Sam sucks in a breath so sharp he almost chokes. When he pulls back enough that his eyes won't cross Dean's still blushing, his eyes closed tight, and Sam grabs his hips hard and says, "Tell me," and Dean stumbles out a story: some girl, when they were still kids, sweet-talking and dangerous, full of ideas, and she made him do it. Sam's stomach clenches hot like a fist. That's how Dean says it: "She made me," head ducked and voice quiet, like it's something dreadfully embarrassing and terribly dirty. God, just the image, just the idea of it, goofy vanilla Dean doing what he was told, liking it, but keeping it a secret even from Sam for a decade and more. Sam shoves the laptop further away and flips them, gets Dean on his back and leans over him, blocking him from the lamplight, his thighs spreading around Sam's hips, and he kisses him hard, then, filling Dean's mouth with his tongue and scraping his teeth over his lips, and Dean just gasps into him and takes it.

"Were you pretty?" Sam demands, once he can bear to pull away. Dean blinks up at him, almost dazed, and Sam shoves back on his knees, grabs Dean's boxers and tugs. "Come on, get these off," he says, and Dean lifts up his hips and Sam yanks them down over the generous swell of Dean's ass, his mouth getting wet when Dean's dick swings heavy and slaps against his thigh, gorgeous pink in the gingery-dark of his pubic hair. That's not for now, though—he puts himself right back between Dean's legs, grinds his hips down into the cradle Dean makes for him, and gets a hand on Dean's jaw, makes him look Sam in the face. "Tell me, tell me what it was like."

"They were—they were pink," Dean says, voice cracked and deep, "and kind of silky, and she said I was—pretty as a girl."

Sam groans, imagining—Dean at nineteen, so beautiful Sam would rub himself raw in the shower every morning over his mouth and his body and his perfect skin, wrapped up in pink—yeah, he bets Dean was pretty, and he keeps his grip on Dean's jaw and starts a slow rhythm with his hips, pushing his still-covered dick up against Dean's, and he says, low and almost nasty up close to Dean's mouth, "That's because you were a girl, weren't you—pretty as a picture, I bet. Had anyone fucked you yet, back then?"

Dean shakes his head, no, and Sam smiles at him. "No, course not, because that was me, wasn't it. I was the first dick in this pussy, huh," he says, and Dean squeezes his eyes shut and gasps, but his thighs drag up against Sam's hips, too, he gets his hands on Sam's sides and digs his nails in like Sam's already fucking him and—oh, god, why aren't they already fucking—

"Sammy," Dean says, dazed and breathy when Sam has to fumble over the side of the bed, ripping through his duffel to get the sticky tube of lube, and then he says it again deeper when Sam shoves his boxer-briefs off his hips, his dick swinging out heavy and throbbing already.

Sam gets his hands on Dean's meaty gorgeous thighs, pushes them out wide so the tendons strain and says, "Let me see your pussy, baby, give it to me," and Dean mutters oh my god but he grabs behind his knees, helps pull himself open, and Sam kisses him for it, licks in easy to his gasping mouth as he gets his fingers all sloppy-messy with lube and smears wet all over the crack of Dean's ass, pushing in with no preamble, no asking for permission. Dean grunts, deep in his chest, and Sam starts fingering him open right away with his mouth running crazily, saying the nastiest sweetest things he can think of against Dean's lips, into the furiously blushing shell of his ear, like there's a good girl and yeah, opening up that cunt all soft for me and are you going to be good for me, sweetheart, are you going to let me in, let me get inside you and Dean moans out loud, his body scorching and his hips flattened out into Sam grinding his fingers into his sweet spot, and Sam finally can't wait another second and he slicks his dick perfunctorily with the hand that had been inside Dean and then feeds himself in, the tight heat of Dean a shock in the base of the belly, watching Dean's face to see the startled wide spread of his eyes and lips before he moans out loud, breath hot in Sam's face, a long wild groan as Sam sinks in right to the hilt, no stopping, no waiting for him to adjust.

"Perfect," Sam says, and Dean drops his grip on his legs to wrap them around Sam's waist, one hand clawed into the pillow and the other wound into Sam's hair, keeping him close while he stares up, watery edge to his pretty, pretty eyes. Sam kisses the inside of his forearm, keeps his eyes locked on Dean's while he grinds into all that threatening wet, barely pulling out, hips churning, and then he leans in with his elbow planted hard next to Dean's head, tracing Dean's bottom lip with his thumb, and he mumbles out all low and close: you're doing so good, baby, your pussy's perfect, so wet for me, huh, god, does that feel good? You like that? You want me to fuck you like this all the time? Dean groans out like he's been punched and Sam starts to fuck him for real, hips and nuts slapping nastily loud against Dean's ass. He puts his head down and sees Dean's dick just drooling wet all over his stomach, so much there's a trickle sliding down his side, and Sam drags his hand through it and then wraps his hand around Dean's dick and says into his ear, "You've got such a pretty clit," and Dean gasps, "Fuck, what the fuck, Sammy, jesus christ—" with his voice shivery, his nails raking over Sam's shoulder, his hips flinching up up up into Sam's thrusts, and god, he's winding up, Sam can feel him clenching, ready to blow, and he hauls in his control and nails him as hard as he can where it counts and he breathes out, come on, baby, be a good little wife and give it up for me, and Dean makes a choked noise in his throat and comes like that, his heels digging into Sam's thigh, his ass, his breath coming so fast it sounds like he's hyperventilating. Jesus, he's the hottest thing Sam's ever—Sam puts his head down to Dean's shoulder and plants his hands on the bed and hammers home, lets go, and even though Dean's shaky and shuddering he keeps his thighs wide and his hips up, his hands slipping on Sam's sweating back, and he puts his lips against Sam's hair and makes a soft punched noise when Sam unloads into him, slides up to hold the back of Sam's head while Sam breathes out hard and pulses, hips working out the last of it, feeling like his spine turned to liquid and he's just pouring it all out into Dean's waiting, willing body.

"Fuck," Sam says, rolling his forehead against Dean's shoulder, and picks up his head to find Dean red-faced, his lips dark and dented with teeth-marks, his eyelashes wet as he blinks up at Sam. Jesus. Sam's dick flexes, pulsing again deep inside, and he knows Dean must feel it from the way his eyelids flicker, and Sam says, "God, Dean, you're so—" and he drags himself up on weak arms and cups Dean's face in both palms and kisses him, his hips still gently rocking. Dean lets him, mostly breathing open-mouthed against Sam until he sets his teeth in Sam's lip and tugs, and then pulls back into a little smooch like an apology. Sam's ass clenches at the tiny hurt, crushing his half-soft dick further into Dean, and god, he could—he could almost go again, right now.

"Don't even think about it," Dean says, against his lips.

Sam huffs, and gives Dean's cheek a quick kiss before he shifts back, sliding himself slowly out into the cold awful air. The head glances sensitively against Dean's soft thighs, everything a wet mess of lube and come, and Sam shivers for a second but it's nothing to the shudder that rocks all the way through Dean.

"Okay?" Sam says. Reality's trickling back in and he lifts up on his elbow, sliding a soothing hand down Dean's ribs. That was—fast, rough, rougher than Sam usually goes.

Dean nods, eyes closed, but doesn't say anything for a second—no goofy post-sex jokes, no complaining. Sam frowns and slides his hand down to Dean's hip, squeezing gently, and Dean finally opens his eyes and looks up at Sam. His blush hasn't gone down at all. "I'm good," he says, voice like gravel.

He's a really, really bad liar. Sam shifts to one side, taking his weight half-off, but he keeps his hand on Dean's hip, one thigh between Dean's, so he has to tilt into Sam's side. God—the laptop's still on the far side of the bed, miraculously, though thankfully the screen's gone dark and the sissy website isn't glittering pinkly at them both. Sam squeezes Dean's shoulder, the thickness of his bicep. "You know I don't—" He clears his throat. God, now he can feel himself blushing. They're in their thirties, who knew that was still even an option. "You know I don't think of you like a woman for real, right?"

Dean snorts, and glances down at his spent soft dick before he looks back up at Sam. "I didn't think you were blind, Sammy," he says, but there's the tiniest bit of strain still tucked under his voice.

Sam licks his lips, thinking. "And you know if you wanted to try something," he says, feeling his way through it, "I'm totally game." Dean just stares at him, their faces a few inches apart, and Sam touches his chin, prickling over the stubble. "If you liked that, say. Or if you wanted to do more."

Dean blinks and his eyes drop, but after a second he nods, jerkily. "Cool," he says, "good to know," and he's playing it off but his hand curls over Sam's side, he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, and oh, man. Sam takes a deep breath. Maybe another pair of panties. Maybe—maybe getting Dean into a skirt, no panties at all, because he likes to do those dorky roleplay scenarios. Sam coming home to the bunker with groceries from the list Dean made and finding Dean in the kitchen, dressed up, maybe wet already because he was waiting, and he has to close his eyes and remember that he's not fifteen anymore, he can't go again that fast. Jesus, who knew.

He leans in and kisses Dean one more time, pressing his mouth open and licking in, soft, before he pulls back and rolls off the bed. They're both smeared all over with come and Sam used so much lube that it's smeared all over his crotch, and he can imagine how nasty Dean must be feeling. "I was gonna get a washcloth," he says, grimacing, "but maybe we should just take another shower."

"Only if you're gonna carry me in there," Dean says, and then, "Oh, goddamn it," with his voice suddenly sharp.

"What?" Sam says, arrested on his trip around the big bed.

"You pulled your goddamn stitches, is what," Dean says.

"What?" he says, again, turning his head pointlessly and tilting his shoulder forward, and—ow, shit, he did, he thought that trickle down his back was just sweat but apparently not. He slides his other hand up his back and it comes away smeared red. Damn it.

"This is why we don't do athletic activity with big holes in our skin," Dean says, dragging himself into a sitting position.

Sam doesn't miss the flinch when his weight gets onto his ass. "I didn't hear you complaining," he says, lightly, and Dean rolls his eyes but pinks a little, too. "I'll get the sutures again, hang on," Sam says, and then stops in his tracks. The box of beer is on the floor, at least one bottle broken and a puddle soaked into the carpet, presumably from being kicked off the end of the bed in all the excitement.

"What?" Dean says, in his turn, and then peers over the end of the mattress. He snorts a laugh and flops down onto his back. "I'm totally blaming that on you."

Sam steps over the puddle, shaking his head. "You're the one who bought glass bottles," he argues back, but it's weak. He grabs a washcloth, running it under the sink until the water gets warm.

"You're the one who's a frickin' monster in the sack, Pornyboy," Dean says, through the open door.

Sam grins a little, can't help it, twisting around in the bathroom mirror to see the cut bleeding sluggishly down his back. His hair's a wreck, sweat damp all over him, and now he gets another set of stitches, and Dean's probably going to make him clean up the glass, too. Beer and come and blood, all over.

"We're going to have to leave a hundred bucks for the poor maid," Dean says, echoing his thoughts.

Sam smiles, and squeezes the washcloth so it won't drip everywhere. When he comes out into the room Dean's sprawled back on the bed, one knee drawn up, shining in the lamplight, watching him. "Worth it," Sam says, shrugging.

Dean huffs, folding his arms behind his head. "It really was," he says, with a sigh, and then grins.

[neothebard]

My time here is done.

Most anyone reading this that just stumbled upon it don’t know who I am, but those that do know me that got this link know me very well.

Hi, I’m known on Moon Guard as Neo Starstrider, Void Elf Hunter (High Elf Paladin in a previous life) though in the past I have gone by ‘The Doctor’ Andalian Morrison, Human Chronomancer and Illusionist best known for his time in Pyrebird Sodality. As well as Cillvia ‘The Fox’ Morrison, Human Rogue who climbed the ranks of the Melrony Crime Family to become its Underboss before stabbing Selvetore Melrony in the back (both IC and OOC, get to that in a bit.) and leaving to form her own company, Morrison Shipping and Trade, aka The Morrisons. But before that, I was simply Neo, a Human Paladin from Sargeras that raided and posted penis macros in trade chat.

Why am I writing all of this? Well, I’ve come to a turning point in my life where I have to start doing things a bit differently. And the thing I need to do different is cancel my WoW Subscription.

This is going to be a long story. So if you wish to keep reading, go ahead. If you wanna skip it and go straight to my reasoning for leaving, just go until you get to the break.

I was first introduced to WoW when I was in High School. I was having a get together at my house with some friends when one of them found my computer and began to download the game onto it. I asked him what that was and he said “This is World of Warcraft.” He let me create an Undead Warrior to play with for a bit. I enjoyed it quite a bit. But it wasn’t until that summer that I really got hooked onto that game.

Another friend of mine got me to play with him. This time I played a Night Elf Druid and boy oh boy was that a fun experience leveling. I only got him to level 12 before I stopped for a few months but it was still tons of fun! After a short break, I came back and made a Human Paladin on Sargeras known as Neotar. That same friend that was playing with me before made a Night Elf Hunter named Adremmalech and we both decided that we were going to get to max level with these characters no matter what.

We leveled and leveled and we both hit level 40 the day Burning Crusade was released. To celebrate our accomplishment, we ran our level 40 mounts all the way to the Exodar from Stormwind to check out the new Alliance city. Needless to say, it was super dope! But we weren’t done. We continued the Vanilla grind to level 60, stepped through the Dark Portal for the first time and were in absolute awe. What an experience it was to see that giant pit lord standing at the bottom of the stairs. The musical score blasting in our headphones. So much fun and great memories.

We blasted up to level 70 and soon got our first taste of gearing up to raid. I had some shortcomings being a Paladin as I didn’t want to only be a healer. Luckily, Prot was developing into something fun and challenging so I took it! Our entire time in BC was spent mostly in Karazahn, Gruul’s Lair, Mag’s Lair, and Zul’Aman. He went on to raid with a group that got into Hyjal and Black Temple on a regular basis while I stayed behind (mostly due to time restraints due to school.) But it was one of the most fun times I had playing this game.

When Wrath came out, we transferred servers to Drak’theron and met a guy that to this day is one of the nicest and kindest person I’ve ever met and am proud to call my friend (he also DM’s my weekly D&D games). We became members of his guild and went all the way to ICC 11/12 Heroic with him. A lot of accomplishments made with that guy and it was a lot of fun.

But that was the peak of my raiding experience as I stopped raiding when Cataclysm came out. I still wanted to play the game but didn’t know what else to do. So I gave RP a shot. I looked up an excellent guide on wowpedia, made a mage on Moon Guard, and went to town! I walked into the Cathedral district for the first time and was genuinely amazed by all the people there, acting out their characters.

I was hooked instantly.

I quickly leveled up this mage, known as Andalian Morrison, and joined a guild that I believe was called Kingdom of Arathor. I learned so much about Arathi Highland lore being in that guild (mostly research I had done) and decided to make my mage be from Arathi. Eventually I made him an entire family: 3 older brothers and 1 older sister. Cerious, Nethran, Cillvia, and Edrayne. I eventually made Cillvia into a rogue I had and transferred her to the server where I then was approached by Selvetore Melrony to join the Melrony Crime Family.

Crime RP was a new experience for me (much like all RP was) and I learned quick that RP Fighting was full of a lot of drama if you didn’t communicate effectively. But the stories told were fun and I had fun. Though like a lot of things, this RP came with a lot of OOC drama and for better or for worse, I let it get to me and run how my RP was. Rather than talk things out with Selvetore, I plotted with his other officers and we all left and made our own guild, The Morrisons.

I can’t say if I had just left on my own if things would be different but the whole experience taught me that talking things out with your guild mates might end in someone leaving but it’s better than essentially ruining someones day through shady means.

Running the Morrisons was challenging. We didn’t know exactly what we wanted to be. Half of us wanted to be crime RPers, the other half just wanted to be entertainers. Either way, we did our best. I ended up disbanding due to time restraints IRL but eventually I came back around on Andalian and joined up with the Pyrebird Sodality, the GM being Kenny.

Kenny was a lot of fun to be around and still is a very creative person. I learned a lot about RP from her as well (even though I had well over a couple years of experience at that point). She taught me a lot about running a guild as well. I stuck by that guild until time ran out for it and switched then to my paladin, Neo Starstrider, freshly transferred from Sargeras.

I used my raiding experience as his backstory and eventually landed on him being a devout Champion of the Argent Crusade, joining up with House Ravenshield in the process. I never let OOC dictate my actions with this character as IC was my only driving force.

Eventually Neo cut ties with the Crusade due to their inability to do anything about Sylvanas and her plague. He joined up with Elizabeth Embershield and the Embershield Protectorate and that’s pretty much where his story is concluding. He will be retiring from active service to take care of himself and his kids (if Telriah so wishes it.)

I will say this about Embershield: It is the best guild I have ever had the pleasure of being a part of. 

Telriah is an amazing world builder and a great friend. I love him to death and I hope he continues to run this guild well after I leave. It’s been a pleasure to work with him in building the guild up and I loved every minute of it.

Linaly, Teanuu, Ainsling, Talen, Dubz, Keak, Garion, Nesara, Elbert, Kamarill, Trisana, Walorian and even you Moonsworn, I love you all so very much and I hope you continue to be the amazing people you are.

So if you read all of that, I congratulate you on getting this far. If you skipped to this part that’s cool too. But as I said before, my time in wow has come to an end.

My reasons for quitting are as follows:

1: WoW is just not fun for me anymore. Not even RP can keep me playing this game, sadly enough. I’ve played this game for over 13 years. I had so much fun raiding and jumping into RP. But the current iteration of this game is just not appealing to me anymore. I don’t like world quests, I don’t like the rep grinds, I don’t like the raiding or the PVP. I could go on and on with a lot of the things I don’t like (and to be honest they’re probably things you read or hear about on a daily basis) but it’s just plain and simple: Wow isn’t fun for me anymore.

2: I’m studying to become an Computer Tech and all of the things that follow that path. I am also wanting to start up my YouTube/Twitch project once more and don’t want WoW to be pulling me down.

3: In July 2017, I met the woman that I want to marry. At the time that I write this, we’ve been together for 15 months. She’s moved in with me, she’s decorated the apartment, we put up a Christmas Tree (the first one I’ve ever put up since living on my own). We have a cat, I buy her roses every chance I get, I love her family and she loves mine. It’s as simple as this: Every time I’ve had a choice between wow and spending time with her, I chose her.

Well, there’s that. I hope everyone reading this enjoyed my story and enjoyed the things I had to say. If you want to keep tabs on me, I’ll still be on Discord. My Twitter, Twitch, and YouTube Handles are SgtMajorCool. I believe they’re in my profile as well if you take a gander. But that’s that.

[gascon-en-exil]

Mercilessly Judging the Men of Jugdral: Part 3

Part 1: FE4 Gen 1

Part 2: FE4 Gen 2

Last and least (least filled-out on average, anyway) there are the men of Thracia 776. Unlike the epic breeding fest that is its predecessor, FE5, like the Archanea games before it or FE6 after, pads out its roster with filler recruits devoid of any character beyond a portrait and a line or two of dialogue. As such I have no choice but to keep this post to a filthy highlights reel of Thracia’s men. Playables not included here may be assumed to be like those guys you skim past all the time because there’s nothing eye-catching or memorable about them; given enough alcohol you may end up messaging some of them and maybe even come away with some photos of varying quality, but men who make such little effort to express themselves can’t possibly expect to leave much of an impression…or to get laid with any regularity.

(Also note that, as mentioned previously, characters who are playable in FE4 as well don’t get an additional entry here. As such we may enjoy the fitting irony of Leif not getting a profile in the post for his own game.)

Rash and impulsive, he’s quick to indicate interest in any guy he finds hot - generally with dick pics - but just as quick to stop responding once he’s finished jerking off or, more rarely, is actually successful in securing a hookup. Never remembers to bring condoms or lube, but it’s not much of an issue for him since he’s happy with trading handjobs and getting sucked off. He’s tried giving head and even anal whenever he happens to meet a guy prepared for a full encounter, but anyone who takes longer to cum than he does frustrates him and makes it tough for him to keep up the pace. Not looking for anything beyond quickies since he’s already got a reliable FWB or two and he’s some years off from having the dedication for a serious relationship. He’s got a soft spot for twinks and might eventually date a nice one once he’s matured a bit, but since they tend to make him uncomfortable in person this currently only manifests in his preferred porn tags.

Is used to being “the average guy” in his group of friends and, to his credit, has probably stopped a few drunken benders from turning criminal and/or lethal. As such he’s not very accustomed to having guys hit on him, but he’ll surprise everyone by immediately going after anyone who expresses a passing interest. Whether that reads as assertive or desperate will vary on the person, but any guy looking for a steady boyfriend with some bulk - a little less glam and a little more pudge if he’s being honest, but then he’s not one for sugarcoating - won’t be disappointed. An experienced top with enough stamina to go for multiple rounds and enough flexibility and cushion on the back end to take a turn bottoming if so desired. He’ll be often overlooked like so many of the other guys in Thracia, but his friends are just crazy enough to keep him from looking too boring.

Unusually involved for a late-in-life gay, he can always be relied upon to be organizing something within the community, whether it’s an amateur sports team for his favorite bar or a drag show for charity. He’s more likely to meet guys at such events than he is on hookup apps, though he does put in a token appearance on all the ones friendly to more hirsute men. Doesn’t have a problem with femme guys but isn’t likely to get naked with them either, and if he finds his (second) better half it’ll most likely be with a good-natured cub. The Bear flag hangs prominently in at least one of his offered selfies, which also include close-up action shots of him breeding and/or getting bred by someone just as hairy as he is (but don’t worry, he’s on PrEP and has all the relevant links and pamphlets on hand to encourage you to get on it too).He may be a bit short and stubby below the belt, but his gut isn’t as pronounced as it often is for men of his build so there won’t be too many problems with maneuvering at least. Likes to fuck long and slow for hours, but he won’t push his partners if they can’t keep up with his pace.

Deceptively hairy, as anyone will discover once he starts sending pics, but aside from that he seems like a typical gym bunny at first glance. It’s only after getting to know him through conversation - generally after exhausting him via a lengthy session of circle jerking and oral - that he reveals that he’s been recovering from a reckless past of partying and drug use. Has unquestionably engaged in PNP, possibly with meth, but if nothing else he deserves props now for making an earnest effort to clean up his act. Is not really that much of a top - after being dependent on alcohol and drugs to get in the mood he doesn’t stay hard for long - but this will work out in his favor since what he really needs is a strong guiding hand from an older man. As a power bottom he’s both loud and sloppy; his aim is terrible even when sitting on a dick. Even so, he’s a dream come true for a bear looking for a beefy young man and/or a good project.

Still in some equivalent of a teenage mall goth phase, though in his case it’s more like a pirate phase what with the piercings and tattoos and overall swarthy look. Not very secure in his sexuality, but he’ll angrily rebuff any attempts at playing therapist or any requests from guys looking for something more than a blow-and-go. Will open conversations with a dick pic and precise stats, and if that proves enticing he might be feeling risqué to show off his (underdeveloped) torso. May never progress beyond the level of glory holes and handjobs with no eye contact until he addresses his myriad hangups, which range from a deeply embarrassing crush on a guy who used to bully him in school to an even more embarrassing diaper fetish - any evidence of which he’ll immediately scrub clean from his internet history after each guilt-laden wank. In the end he’s probably best off being left alone, though it’s anyone’s guess what amount of trouble he could end up in on his own.

He can always be counted on to spend most of his time at bars hanging outside by the door, greeting all the twinks with a winning smile and heckling any homophobic passerby with taunts and poses that he assumes look more threatening than silly. His white knight-ish behavior has indeed gotten him laid on more than a few occasions, but he’s got just as many rivals as he’s got satisfied fans. Buffed up to full-on twunk shortly after hitting the scene for the first time when he realized that no one was going to take him seriously as a Dom otherwise with that face. Flexible enough to work with ropes, leathers, blindfolds, or simple hard vanilla fucking depending on what’s being asked of him, although he does get an extra thrill out of the kinky stuff. He’s got a good sense for when he’s worn out his welcome and would be better moving on, something he can accomplish with ease thanks to a lack of serious career aspirations and his ability to charm his way into hearts and beds no matter where he ends up. It’s unlikely he’ll ever return to his hometown, after an incident in which he drunkenly made a pass at a guy that he later figured out was his own brother.

Still a few years away from being old enough to drink - and about fifteen years away from looking old enough - but he gets in anyway since he has a tendency to hang around upperclassmen. Unironically wears booty shorts and flashy scarves and sometimes glitter because he’s a twink and knows it, and even though he gets all the tops in the place hot and bothered he’ll swear up and down that he’s never danced on top of a bar and never plans to. He’s actually quite faithful to the aforementioned older friends, to the extent that he may list himself as in a relationship on hookup apps even if he’s not technically dating any of them. Likely feels this way toward the guy who took his virginity, specifically. Still a little willowy to really bottom well, and with his intellectual interests and career aspirations that’s unlikely to change much as he gets older. Maybe once he hits college the freshman fifteen will give him a little more cushion. Expect to see him settled down and at “we only play together” status a few years down the line…unless the object of his precocious affections happens to be looking elsewhere, in which case expect to find him one night bent over a desk by one of his professors.

His entire personality may be perfectly summed up by the word “surly.” He expresses non-verbal interest often on apps (i.e. he’s a “serial woofer”) but never initiates conversation, and on the rare occasions that he goes out he’s the type to hang out against the wall by himself nursing a beer and watching the crowd. He almost never responds to attention either, though he’s got a hidden soft spot for wide-eyed types who seem just as out of place as he is. As might be expected of a guy who rarely hooks up and whose idea of a good sex partner is just that - an idea - he feels more comfortable pleasuring himself in solitude than in performing the act itself. It’s a shame, too, because he’s got a pretty nice dick and naturally high skill and stamina to put it to work. He’s even bottomed a few times though he’s loathe to say he liked it, not because he’s got any problems with that but because his sex life is one of the many things he never likes to talk about.

His profile is fully descriptive but not all that interesting - looking for friends and good conversation, not willing to hookup or jump into anything too quickly, goal-driven but not pushy, and so on. He’s the perfect guy to bring home to your mother, and on the surface he really does seem as dull as that entails. However, he’s benefited from a surprisingly thorough education courtesy of an older friend and longtime community member, and after he’s gone on a few dates and gotten comfortable with someone he’d be more than happy to show off everything he’s learned. Fully vers but still inexperienced with taking charge in the bedroom, he’ll be happy to follow his partner’s desires wherever they may lead. Quite a nice package too; it’ll be worth the wait to see it since he doesn’t take naughty selfies as a rule. At or just before his eventual wedding he’ll introduce his new spouse to his friend, a meeting that will lead to many warm and companionable nights together that may optionally end in orgies.

By all appearances he’s your average clean-cut mild-to-wild twenty something, looking for casual dates and maybe a little fun while he finishes up school or ascends his chosen career ladder. He has a weakness for younger guys though…including those who are clearly falsifying their ages to be on the apps in the first place. It’s no big deal now - who doesn’t understand the appeal of a twink who knows how to work it? - but in a decade or so he’ll be decidedly in creepy sexual predator territory. As his current trajectory seems to be setting him up for a high profile position it’s probably best to stay away or risk being caught up with him when the shit hits the fan, but then again he could find himself a nice stable boy to date and settle into the comfortable and mostly-monogamous role of sugar daddy. His biggest fantasies involve electroshock kink, so his greatest challenge will be finding a twink who’ll get into that too.

Still bears the remnants of a tragic emo phase that he hasn’t quite left, but to his credit he can take (some) jokes about his weird hair and makeup choices. Pot and hallucinogens used to be his scene, but he’s been trying to get clean for a little while now. Unfortunately he’s still the type of guy who’s best dealt with through a phone or in the dark and smoky atmosphere of a bar, because he smells horrendous up close. Hookups are surprisingly fun though they come with the challenge of sneaking into whatever sober living community he currently calls home, and with that environment if he’s hit it off with anyone there odds are things will get awkward if he’s discovered playing the field. He’s quite aware that he’s not boyfriend material in any sense to anyone who’s not as screwed up as he is, but he’ll still smile and give his partners a warm hug and a reminder to come back anytime after they’ve gotten dressed. He just really appreciates the company. Has an interesting selection of cock rings, up to and possibly including a Prince Albert.

His selfies surprise in their quality and variety, and it takes only one meeting with this guy to figure out that the serious tone of his profile regarding community outreach and sex positivity belies his dark sense of humor and even darker bedroom proclivities. He’s enjoyed the company of numerous call boys and amateur porn stars and will let anyone know it, though he’s not enough of a dick to be the kind to expect that level of performance from anyone. All the same he’ll be more engaged in conversation with a guy he can sense is experienced, as he doesn’t get much out of training untried virgins (or claims he doesn’t, anyway). Can go either way - he loves to take bottoms hard and fast just as much as he loves to take huge uncut cocks (more than one at a time if he can get it) himself. He’s by no means hardcore femme, but he wears the reclaimed labels of effete gay stereotypes with pride and won’t hesitate to throw them in anyone’s faces if they take issue with that. It’s doubtful anyone’s seriously looking to date him given how rough around the edges he can seem, but he’s got a little something lowkey romantic on the side of all the wild fucking so he doesn’t much care if his unconventional life choices raise any eyebrows.

His marriage is happy in spite of its conventionality, and he only found himself making a profile on the apps after he shared with his wife the story of the college roommate he had a massive crush on but never had the courage to approach. He’s just as painfully earnest online about his situation: he’s just looking to experiment with something he’s not yet experienced outside of his own fantasies and the occasional foray into the equivalent porn. Can’t take a selfie for the life of him and his looks are just starting to go - maybe he’ll try growing a beard at some point once he learns about bears and such - but there are still a few friendly and open-minded men willing to take him up on his offer of mutual masturbation and possibly some oral. Anal play of any kind is still a pipe dream for the moment, but one has to give him points for trying…and his wife for being so understanding, even if after cumming with someone he might quietly intimate that things weren’t always so peaceably open between the two of them. Never blocks anyone, but all his hookups tend to forget about him shortly thereafter anyway. His wildest dream involves meeting his roommate again somehow, having a few drinks and seeing where the night takes them, but what are the odds of that?

He may no longer be on active duty, but he maintains the strict sense of duty and regimentation that comes with the “military” tag on his profile (though this clearly does not extend to his personal grooming). Is one of those guys who’s really into exotic pets, but at least his favorite reptiles are low-maintenance and won’t interrupt foreplay by demanding cuddles. Shies away from rough types like himself, preferring the company of twinks who love to ogle his biceps and make him feel needed and important even if it’s just for the few minutes it takes for him to fuck them to an explosive prostate orgasm. Tends to get wistful after sex, and some prodding will reveal that he’s still holding a candle for someone he knew back in his service days who ended up marrying someone else. It’s exactly the sort of thing to ward off more vapid partners from looking for repeat visits, but a sufficiently sensitive touch may just be able to help him move on and turn him into long-term relationship material. The dick alone would be worth it. 

Is a known regular at every bar, strip club, and urgent care center (for gonorrhea, and hopefully nothing worse) in the area. Perpetually drunk, frequently high, and willing to hit on anything that moves, even high school students if he thinks he can get away with it. His hookup space is casually enticing for seekers of NSA, and he’s got a fully-stocked album and a range of videos showcasing everything on offer. Likes to manspread in public to show off the goods, not that he’s packing anything huge down there. Similarly, when not performing for the camera his skill in bed is more imagined than actual, even on the rare occasions when he’s actually sober. When he’s not indulging his vices he’s busy composing filthy poems of questionable quality and writing half-formed sentences for a novel that may surprise everyone by actually getting written one day, assuming he doesn’t OD or get himself murdered first. No one knows what he does for a living and he’s not telling; the best guess anyone has is that he’s a humanities major dropout and either a trust fund baby or a prostitute. Possibly both.

Never uses a face pic and gives out a pseudonym when asked, which he explains by telling guys that he’s a politician. Dreams of silk sheets and caviar and a media circus should things go south are quickly dashed before the first date even begins however, because in fact what he really means is that he’s a working-class aspiring politician with a massive chip on his shoulder and a hunger to work his way up through whatever menial government post he can manage. Resents anyone with more money than him and will angrily rebuff offers of compensation for his time *ahem*, and the sex that he does have is stiff and almost never ends in orgasm for anyone. Very few guys will come back for seconds, particularly since his political views lead toward establishment conservatism and as such he’s almost certainly got some internalized homophobia he’s making a powerful effort to ignore. Everyone may at least take comfort in the fact, should he ever actually get elected anywhere, his stubbornness and various neuroses will ensure that he’s terrible at the job.

Forget about asking for stories of wild nights in the seminary, because he’s always been a priest on a mission. He’s not on any hookup apps and rarely goes drinking, but he’s met his share of guys nonetheless doing community outreach or missionary work. Is usually too busy and too dedicated to even consider being fun in bed, but he’s not bad to look at for a little clerical fantasizing and makes for a fascinating conversationalist for all manner of theological and philosophical discussion. His political sympathies are just slightly radical for his order so it’s not entirely out of the question that he might one day be tempted to indulge himself, but lacking experience it would mostly come down to affectionate cuddling and cute fumbling with the logistics of the serious stuff. No one could keep up with his lifestyle of wandering service, but he doesn’t mind since he can make sincere friendships and encourage guilty boners wherever he may happen to find himself.

By a combination of good fortune and deliberate cultivation he’s a near exact likeness for a celebrity much lusted-after by the gay community at large, a point that he exploits to his advantage whenever possible. Protects himself from the possibility of lawsuits and the strong likelihood that his doppelgänger is straight by using the classic headless torso and genitalia close-up approach to serve for introductions and only agreeing to discreet NSA hookups in semi-public places. He can only maintain the façade in the digital space however, as anyone who meets him in person will instantly note that he sounds and acts nothing like the man he’s impersonating. He’s unskilled and clumsy during sex, but bizarrely he makes for an excellent teacher and has successfully helped many a hapless kid hone his technique at topping or giving head or taking a dick…or a dildo rather, since he can’t be relied upon most of the time to aim himself properly. His world will implode if he’s one day rebuffed by a guy who claims adamantly that he’s not who he says he is because the actual celebrity’s dick is bigger - and he’s got the photographic evidence to back it up.

Seems innocuous at first glance, a kindly older bear with some mildly interesting conversation and a handful of tame pictures of himself at home or out with friends to offer. He’s been through some rough patches but lives quietly and comfortably now, and while he’s a bit past his prime he’s easily pegged as a dream daddy, with or without sugar. It’s after the night’s wearing on and the foreplay has moved into a horizontal position that a major problem presents itself - this man will not cum. Suck him until your jaw locks, ride him until even he can’t handle the strain anymore, tongue him and fuck him until you can’t stay hard, leave hickeys all over his neck, massage his balls, nipples, ass, feet, and wherever else he can think to point out…nothing will get him off. It’s not because he doesn’t want to and isn’t trying either, but whether it’s because the years have taken their toll on him, he was never very sexual to begin with, or he has a crippling porn addiction you’d practically need to host a sixteen-man orgy with the wildest, dirtiest fucking anyone could conceive in order to get him to blow his load. He’s bound to lose interest eventually in anyone who can’t satisfy him in bed too, so there goes those ideal daddy fantasies. Would it even be worth all that effort, though?

He’s very well known for his charisma and presence, and not just to the local community. He makes friends easily on apps not by trading pictures but by engaging in extended, thought-provoking conversations that get gently steered away from sex at every opportunity. Larger than life he may seem, but he tends to underwhelm on a first real meeting; he’ll come across as aloof and distracted, and he doesn’t seem to have a very good grasp on how to progress a relationship beyond cocktails and warm glances. Presumably he’s never had much in the way of sexual mentorship, but whatever the explanation don’t expect too much from him once his clothes finally come off. Oh, he’s surely very well-endowed and well-formed in general, but it would be better to look elsewhere if you’re in search of someone who actually knows how to put his good genes to work. He’s got a nice selection of toys though, particularly for anal play, so those might work as bedroom icebreakers.

He’s downright grungy from the state of his appearance and the dingy backdrops of his selfies, enough to where the aged bad boy charm might not even be enough to carry him. He spends his life floating from one dive bar to the next, a recovering something or other who’s fallen off the wagon so many times it’s a wonder he’s not dead in a ditch. He’s even paying child support for a kid or two, a result of either youthful experimentation or genuine bisexuality that was poorly thought-out regardless of its cause. Skilled and domineering in bed, but won’t be into breeding guys since he’s just now learning to be responsible with condom usage…not that those will stop him from occasionally passing on his crabs or his herpes. He’ll never be a reliable father, husband, or partner on any level, but under his gruff exterior there are a wealth of stories to be teased out of him during whatever pillow talk he’ll allow, poignant and bittersweet and most shockingly of all reaching back to a past life of wealth and privilege when he was (comparatively) sober and washed his clothes more than once a year.

[surfingthesealand]

Vancouver & Victoria’s Christmas Date: Chapter 3

Vancouver and Victoria stepped inside a warm and comfy log cabin out of the biting winter cold, doubling up as a hot dog shack. They made their space in a corner decked with plump ruby red-leather sofas and armchairs, and embellished with fluffy down cushions of various shades of red from dark to light.

“Hot dog, Van?” Victoria asked her peckish boyfriend.

“Yeah.” Vancouver nodded, breathing hot air into the palms of his gloves.

Victoria approached the queue, but quickly turned back to him. “What sauce do you want?”

“Tomato.”

“Alright, two hot dogs coming up.”

Vancouver stuffed a cushion under the seat of his insulated trousers and behind his back for extra comfort. He slipped off his gloves, fetched his phone from his jean pocket and began tapping away at the screen, checking up on his social profiles.

“Could I have two hot dogs, please? And put tomato sauce on my boyfriend’s. He’s over there.”

“Right on.”

The cook squirted a thin, wavy bright red squiggle of ketchup onto Vancouver’s hot dog. Victoria shovelled the dogs off the counter in the cups of her gloves and lay them down on the table.

“My favourite.” Vancouver stowed his phone away and hastily snapped up his saucy dog. “But it needs a bit more ketchup.”

He grabbed the bottle of ketchup from the centre of the table, squeezing it just a little too much. A jet of ketchup splattered against the front of his shirt, and he gasped with shock.

“Oops.” Vancouver flushed almost the same shade of scarlet as the ketchup on his shirt. Victoria tut-tutted and handed him a tissue.

“Eh, it’s red. It won’t show up on my shirt, honest.” Vancouver grinned awkwardly, scrubbing the stray ketchup off.

“Vancouver, don’t rush things so much,” Victoria admonished him, then she smiled. “Alright, time to get eating.”

Vancouver carefully shot some more ketchup out onto his dog, and blissfully chomped down one tomato-flavoured and meaty bite at a time. Victoria kept it simple, eating her dog fresh and ungarnished from the fryer. Vancouver reached down to his lap and swept off some wandering breadcrumbs with the side of his glove.

“Vancouver, are you itching down there?” Victoria looked a little suspicious at her boyfriend.

“No.” Vancouver innocently tilted his head aside, blinking in a gaze.

“Vancouver…” Victoria turned to the other diners. “He’s crazy, my boyfriend is. You wouldn’t understand unless you get to know him.” She gave them a little wink.

Vancouver gobbled up the last morsel of dog, wiping the ketchup around his mouth with the dab of his tissue.

“Let’s go get a hot drink to warm our mouths and hearts,” Victoria suggested as she picked up the empty holders and tidied them away in the bin.

“Always love cocoa on a cold winter’s day – or night.” Vancouver noticed the aquamarine sky rippled with cloudy streaks of amethyst, cinnabar and amber, despite it being only one in the afternoon.

“I’d like marshmallows and whipped cream in mine.”

Vancouver cupped his deluxe hot cocoa in his gloves, the heat radiating through the wool insulating his hands. The barista sprinkled in some mini pink and white marshmallows, finishing off with a spray of whipped cream on top. Victoria took a small sip of her vanilla cocoa, linking her arm around her boyfriend’s as they strolled towards the market.

“Ooh, better lap up the cream quick, or it’s gonna melt.” Vancouver rather noisily licked the mountain of cream off the top of his cocoa, getting some of it on the tip of his nose and around the corners of his mouth.

“Vancouver, Vancouver, Vancouver.” Victoria had kept a spare tissue from the hot dog shack for times like this. She dabbed at Vancouver’s face to wipe the dashes of cream off. “This is a date, remember?”

“Well, it’s not really a formal date, is it? We’re just out here to enjoy the festivities.”

Vancouver sniffed out something roasted, meaty and gamey in the frosty air, distracting him. “Speaking of which…”

“Turkey tonight,” Victoria smiled.

She and Vancouver both sipped on their cups of cocoa, making the first step into the market. Ruby and emerald baubles decked every one of the many stalls, with aromatic wreaths of holly, rosemary and cinnamon gracing the roofs. The holiday scents of turkey, mulled wine, Christmas pudding, orange with cloves and mince pies all blended together into one conglomerated perfume of the festive season.

“Hello Victoria!” Kitchener’s delightful voice came from the turkey stall.

“Oh, hello Kitchener.” Vancouver stirred around, his cocoa almost spilling over the brim.

“These turkeys are freshly roasted, so it’ll save on all that hard work in the kitchen – and you’ll get to spend more of Christmas with your loved ones.”

Kitchener slipped on his heatproof gloves and slid a tanned turkey out of the oven, sprinkling some sprigs of rosemary over it. Vancouver came closer, the rosemary fragrance flowing over his scalp and relaxing him. He took a deep sniff.

“Man, I love herbs… Especially rosemary and mint.”

“Oh, the stuffing’s got a hint of mint in it, actually. Gives it a bit of flavour.”

Kitchener rolled some fresh mint leaves into some balls of onion and sage stuffing. He caught a slight whiff of tomato from Vancouver.

“But I didn’t add any tomatoes.”

Victoria also approached the counter. “My silly boyfriend splattered himself with ketchup. He cleaned it off, but now he’s going to smell of tomato for as long as he’s wearing that shirt,” she giggled.

“I told you, it’s red, so it doesn’t show up.” Vancouver tugged down the front of his shirt slightly in front of Kitchener, patting the back of his head sheepishly.

“Well, get yourself a freshly-roasted, lovely juicy turkey for tonight, and a stain on your Christmas sweater will be the only thing you’ll have to worry about,” encouraged Kitchener.

Victoria picked up the turkey which was bronzed the deepest shade of tan. “What will you take for this one?”

“Ten dollars. Great deal, isn’t it?”

Victoria handed him a note, and he ripped off a sheet of tinfoil just wide enough to wrap around the whole turkey. It felt pleasantly toasty in Victoria’s cupped hands, and she stuffed it into a weaved seagrass basket. Vancouver placed his cold face close to the turkey to warm his cheeks.

“Not too close, Van, you’ll burn your face.”

“Let him, he’s your boyfriend after all,” laughed Kitchener. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you too,” said Victoria, and she and Vancouver set off deeper into the market. They skimmed each one of the stalls, testing out the festive wares and eats with their gloved fingers. Vancouver stopped by a stall selling homemade mince pies by the masses, sniffing out the buttery shortbread pastry and orange-infused mincemeat mixture.

“Don’t get a whole dozen, Vancouver. There’s only two of us.”

“But we gotta keep some for Santa too, right?” Vancouver picked up a mince pie, trying to resist munching it down.

“And his reindeer.”

Victoria gave in to Vancouver’s insistence, buying a whole box of mince pies. He tried to tear the flaps open to pilfer one, but Victoria gave him a light slap on the hand, shaking her head jadedly.

A scent even stronger than the fruity mincemeat tickled Vancouver’s nose. He could catch faint notes of pine, cinnamon and apple, those classic Christmas fragrances. He jerked slightly onto Victoria’s scarf trail, dazed by the aroma.

“Vancouver…?”

Victoria felt herself being hauled along with her boyfriend.

“Don’t pull so hard, my scarf’s going to loosen itself.”

Vancouver slunk by the candle stall, his eyes gazing upon the stacks of candles in holly green, berry red and snowy white. The scents strengthened inside his nose, letting go of Victoria’s scarf as he inhaled a deep sniff.

“Candles? How romantic.”

Victoria picked up a few samples of each of the varieties of candle, glancing at the labels. Vancouver studied the candles more closely, sniffing each one. From the green, he picked up on the earthy yet lush hints of a fresh Christmas tree. The red emanated a delicious perfume of apple and cinnamon, while the white imparted a silky vanilla tone.

“Ooh, sniff these,” he told Victoria, and she also sniffed each of the candles.

“Don’t mind a couple to light up our Christmas dinner.”

Vancouver selected one out of both the apple and vanilla candles, which Victoria promptly purchased.

“This’ll be enough for today, okay? We’ve got everything else back home.”

He glimpsed up to the sky, which was now dimming to dark sapphire marbled with jasper. “We’ve got a little more time to enjoy the fairground rides before the early sunset.”

Vancouver and Victoria were secured into their seats on the spinning chairs. Vancouver, with his head down, rattled the chain and brushed his feet back and forth against the ground, as if in apprehension over how high they would be towed up.

“Vancouver, it’ll only go up a few inches. No need to worry about heights this time,” Victoria assured him.

“But I’ve just eaten, and I might get dizzy again.” Vancouver felt a little sweaty despite the December cold.

“Remember what I told you – don’t focus on the motion of the ride.”

A small metallic clunk and whirr sent the chairs onto their cycle of spins. Vancouver grasped onto the chains.

“Vancouver, your arm’s on my head!”

“Sorry, I just need to hold on to something.”

“Well, hold onto your chain and not mine.”

Victoria gently coaxed Vancouver’s hand off. With each revolution, the chairs lifted themselves slightly off the ground until everybody’s feet were airborne enough to wave around freely. Vancouver’s stomach dipped, and he could still taste the ketchup-flavoured pork sausage from his hot dog inside.

“I can feel my lunch coming up.”

“Close your eyes, Vancouver.”

Vancouver slowly closed his eyes and tried hard to hone his focus onto the blackness instead of the whirling of the chairs. He inhaled short but deep breaths to calm his racing heart, inclining his head up to the sky.

“Good boy.”

Vancouver’s mindfulness seemed to be doing the trick. His stomach eased, and the warm sweat on his bared flesh dried up. He blinked his eyes open for a short moment to see that they weren’t really that high above the ground, just a few centimetres above it.

“I think I feel better now,” Vancouver smiled to his girlfriend.

“See, it works when you stay calm,” Victoria smiled too.

“That went by quickly,” remarked Vancouver.

“You had your eyes closed pretty much the entire time,” giggled Victoria. “So I guess you’re a bit more confident with riding high now.”

“Emphasis on ‘a bit’…” Vancouver chuckled rather tensely. He glanced towards the sky, now midnight blue with an aura of azure. “I think we can do a couple more rides before it gets completely dark.”

“The city looks a whole lot more spectacular at night, doesn’t it?” Victoria commented on the thousands of emerald, amber and ruby lights of the blackened skyline while she and Vancouver waited their turn for the helter-skelter.

“Guess so.” Vancouver’s heart was tickling a little due to the height.

The attendant beckoned Victoria on, and she sat at the peak on top of a bristly mat. Vancouver stared down the length of the slide as his girlfriend rode downwards, spiralling around the centre pillar and cheering the whole way.

“I’m coming, Vic!” he called after her, swiping a mat and pushing himself down. He slid so fast that he bumped into her while she was still at the end.

“Vancouver, you should’ve waited your turn so I could get out of the way on time!” she reprimanded him.

“Well, sorry, I was thinking too fast…” Vancouver palmed the back of his head apologetically.

“Oh, you foolish boy. Let’s go down the slide again, and this time you wait.”

The couple retrieved both of their mats and re-ascended the steps, where they were quicker for their second descent. Victoria sat back down on the summit, holding a stretched-out palm to Vancouver to stop him rushing, and promptly glided down the helter-skelter without a hitch. Vancouver waited a moment for her to move out of the way, and he pushed himself again. Halfway down the slide, he came to a sudden stop.

“Oh, uh… I seem to have hit a sticky spot…” he giggled nervously, tossing back to the bemused riders back at the top. “Eh, don’t worry, I’ll just get myself going again.”

Vancouver budged himself from side to side to get himself unstuck, but he misjudged a tiny manoeuvre and ended up slipping down the slide headfirst, clutching onto tiny straws off his mat and hollering out. Victoria flipped around and gasped in shock as he shuttled down the rest of the slide and landed facedown in the crisp crystalline snow, shovelling it aside.

“Vancouver! Look at you, you’ve got snow on your scalp!” she exclaimed, lugging him up off the snow and dusting him off with the palm of her glove.

“Well, at least it’s not dandruff,” Vancouver tittered, shaking his whole body vigorously to get rid of the snow Victoria hadn’t brushed off.

Victoria mollified herself. “So since you were so calm on the spinning chairs, and the city’s much more beautiful at night, shall we ride the Ferris wheel again?”

Vancouver’s dark hazel irises dilated, but he remembered his relaxing technique. “Alright.”

Vancouver and Victoria clambered back into the carriage on the Ferris wheel they rode in the last time.

“So just keep calm this time and you’ll be okay,” Victoria reassured Vancouver. “And you’ll also get to see all the lights of the city.”

Vancouver restarted his sequence of inhaling and exhaling deep breaths while Victoria held tightly on to his hand. The wheel once again ground itself into action, and Vancouver’s breathing deepened. Even while trying to relax himself, his legs trembled on their own instinct.

“Keep still, Van.”

Vancouver fought against the tremors in his legs as he continued breathing in and out.

“Come on, look at the lights.”

The carriage swung across the peak, and Vancouver managed to keep his eyes open just in time to see the amazing display of rainbow lights amongst the midnight-blue winter sky and the white sprinkles of snowflakes.

“Isn’t it magical?” Victoria’s eyes widened in admiration at the scene.

Vancouver’s heart leapt, not out of anxiety, but out of awe. “It sure is.”

“Home now, Van? I don’t want this turkey to get cold.”

“Yeah. It’s cold, anyway. Our house is warm.”

Vancouver and Victoria, hand in hand, made their way out of the fair, being careful to not get swallowed up by the crowd. They returned to the spot where they’d arrived that morning, but switched to the opposite side so as to go home. As before, they huddled up to each other for extra body warmth. Vancouver tucked his head into Victoria’s chest to prevent another mildly embarrassing episode of snowflakes on his scalp being mistaken for dandruff.

The bus came quicker this time around, as if the driver was concerned about all the people waiting out in the bitter chill. Vancouver and Victoria were first on board, taking up a couple of seats at the very back for maximum heat and comfort.

Feeling a little heavy-eyed, Vancouver rested his head upon Victoria’s shoulder, his eyelids slowly shuttering. He slept deeply for the entire journey home, hazy apparitions of rainbow Christmas lights dancing in the darkness behind his closed eyes.

[wellpersonsblog]

3 Things that Shouldn’t Be in Your Protein Powder (But Probably Are)

Over the years, we’ve talked a lot about protein: How much you need, how to get it from food, and whether or not you should supplement.

And there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to that last question…

Although I’ve managed to get plenty of protein from whole foods for the past few years, I’ve always acknowledged that for certain people — people who want to add muscle, try to hit macronutrient levels, or just want some peace of mind — supplementing makes more sense. 

But if you take protein powder yourself, there’s one question you should most definitely know the answer to: 

What’s in your protein powder?

I started looking more closely at protein powders a few months ago, for my kids’ sake. They’re both young plant-based athletes, and — call it parental paranoia if you want — I find myself worrying about their picky eating habits, specifically that most of the foods they love (fresh fruits and vegetables, especially in smoothies) aren’t necessarily dense in protein or, more generally, in total calories.

But when I started looking at the ingredient lists of the common plant-based powders, I was surprised and disappointed. Unfamiliar and artificial ingredients, plus sweeteners (even natural ones) that I knew they wouldn’t like the taste of in their smoothies.

So I did some more digging… 

And it got worse. Waaay worse. 

Today I want to share a bit about what I found, in hopes that it helps you to make more informed decisions when choosing a protein powder, if you choose to use them. 

And I’ll start with the one that scares me the most… 

1. Heavy Metals and Other Carcinogens

Now, I know what you’re thinking.

Heavy metals and chemicals in my protein powder? Nah. No way. I get the good stuff. And it comes from plants. 

Think again. Last year, the Clean Label Project

completed a study examining 134 plant-based and animal-based protein powder products from 52 different brands. They screened for over 130 toxins, including heavy metals, BPA, pesticides, and other contaminants with ties to health problems.  

And you know what they found? (You might want to sit down for this one.)

Many of the most popular plant-based powders were ranked the worst for their high levels of contaminants like heavy metals. In fact, plant-based proteins ranked lower than animal-based proteins on average. 

So how does that nasty stuff get into your powder? 

According to Clean Label Project, “Contaminants are the result of sourcing and production practices. Contaminants can be found in soils because of pesticides and mining run-off (ex. heavy metals) and can be absorbed into plants just like nutrients. They can also be the result of the manufacturing process (ex. BPA/BPS is using the lining of cans and containers and leach into the protein powder.)”

Let’s take a closer look at some of the most common heavy metals and chemicals to see what the study actually found: 

BPA (bisphenol A)

By now you’ve probably heard of BPA, but most people don’t actually know what it is. BPA, or bisphenol A, is a chemical used in a lot of commercial product packaging as a way to strengthen the plastic. 

High amounts of BPA, however, is known to cause cancerous tumors, birth defects, and other mental and physical health issues. 

A few years ago, BPA garnered a lot of attention when it was discovered to leach from that plastic into drinks, like water. Since then, many popular water bottles have gone BPA-free, but it’s still commonly used in many food containers, including some plastic containers that store protein powder, or even the plastic measuring scoop often included in the tub. 

The Clean Label Project study found that 55% of protein powders tested had high levels of BPA, and one had over 25 times the allowed regulatory limit in just one serving. 

Lead

According to the study, nearly 70% of plant-based protein powders contained measurable amounts of lead. The potential mental and physical health problems associated with lead are well documented, so why is it showing up in these protein powders?

The primary problem seems to be where the ingredients are sourced from. Lead in the ground seeps into the growing food before harvesting, and stays there as it’s turned into your powder. 

Arsenic

Arsenic is a naturally occurring chemical often found in water, food, and soil. 

This is a particular problem with rice-based products, which is grown in water-flooded conditions, and arsenic in the soil finds its way into the roots of rice crops and is eventually stored in the grains.

Arsenic, of course, is also known to cause a number of health problems including cancer. 

So why is it in plant-based protein powder? Primarily because of poorly sourced brown rice protein isolate. 

Cadmium

According to the same Clean Label Project study, 74% of protein powders contained measurable amounts of cadmium.  

Cadmium is another natural toxic element often found in rocks and soil, and because it does not corrode easily, it’s often used in batteries. That’s right, batteries. 

And you guessed it, cadmium also has links to cancer. 

But what if my powder is organic? 

That was one of my first questions as well. But organic, although good for other reasons, is no help when it comes to heavy metals. Organic protein powders had on average twice the amount of heavy metals as non-organic options, so if a brand doesn’t disclose heavy metal information to you, you’re left wondering. 

2. Sweeteners and Flavorings

These days, sweeteners are added to just about every processed food, so it should come as no surprise that they’re also often added to protein powders. 

But here’s the thing. 

Sweeteners are totally unnecessary. Same goes with flavors (natural or not) like vanilla. The only reason companies often adds the sweeteners and flavors is to try and mask the taste. 

In turn, however, they’re adding unnatural ingredients that not only taste fake, but are potentially harmful. 

Take a look at common artificial sweeteners like acesulfame potassium, sucralose, or splenda, for example. These sweeteners with their potent taste not only train the brain to crave sweet foods, but are known to increase the risk of diabetes and obesity. 

How about natural sweeteners like stevia or monk fruit, you ask? 

In my opinion, if it isn’t serving me (or my kids), I don’t want to add it to my smoothie, where the additional sweetness only makes things taste less natural. I want my smoothie to taste like the fruit that’s in it, and no sweeter.  

3. Fillers, Preservatives, and Gums

While the contaminants scare me most, the biggest shocker I came across in my research on protein powders was what I learned about fillers. 

First, there’s a reason why you don’t see percentages next to protein powder ingredients on labels.

Many brands, like the one I used to take, boast a “blend of pea, rice, hemp, and chia” (for example) to create the appearance of a complete amino acid profile. But if they’re not telling you the amounts of each in the product, then nothing prevents them from using 95 or even 99 percent of the cheapest powder, and only blending the others to make up the remaining 5 percent or less. 

There’s nothing to tell you it’s pretty much just one type of protein. And that the amino acid profile is incomplete.

In an industry so unregulated as supplements are, it’s not hard to imagine that’s what they do.

Besides cheap proteins, dextrin (a carbohydrate from starch) and maltodextrin (produced from corn, rice, potato starch, or wheat) are common fillers added to protein powder to bulk it up. 

Then there are gums, like xanthan gum, which is derived from corn and soy and often used as a thickener in protein power. These gums are totally unnatural, and often cause bloating and gas. 

The misleading packaging means you don’t ever really know what’s in your powder. Sure, you might have an ordered ingredient list, but when you don’t know how much of each ingredient is included, you have know idea if your powder is really what it claims to be. 

What’s In Your Protein Powder Matters

When I first started doing this research, it terrified me. Since I was just looking for a small boost to their intake, not a 40-gram megadose of protein, I had assumed choosing a natural, plant-based option would be easy.

But toxic heavy metals? 

BPA?

Artificial sweeteners? 

And not really knowing how much of each protein is in it?

As a parent, the last thing I’d want is to think I’m making a smart decision to help my kids’ health and athletic potential — and actually be giving them something that does the opposite.

So: armed with this knowledge of the problems with most protein powders, what do you do? 

For starters, your research. 

A quick search will produce a number of lists created by reputable sources of powders that are better than others. Companies that source ingredients from the right places and spend the time to do the appropriate testing. 

Or there’s the other option… create your own. 

Ultimately, when I couldn’t find what I wanted on the market, that’s what I opted to do. (Just like with Complement, where I wanted a way to be able to get just the handful of important nutrients missing from a plant-based diet in from a single source.)

For the past several months, the No Meat Athlete team and I — along with the help from a small group of super-engaged community members — have been working on a cleaner, healthier, plant-based protein powder, free of heavy metals, sweeteners, and other fillers. And one which we can be completely transparent about which ingredients are included and exactly how much of each. 

Not a giant dose of protein, just a boost, meant to “complement” what’s already in a healthy plant-based diet. 

In other words, a protein powder I’d be comfortable giving to my own kids.

It’s not yet available to the public, but next week, we’ll be taking pre-orders on the first batch, to offer the NMA community the chance to be a part of bringing Complement Protein to life (and get a pretty amazing price, too; a price you’ll keep for as long as you remain a subscriber). 

I’ll be in touch with more info soon.

The post 3 Things that Shouldn’t Be in Your Protein Powder (But Probably Are) appeared first on No Meat Athlete.

First found here: 3 Things that Shouldn’t Be in Your Protein Powder (But Probably Are)

[tripstations]

Hiking the Nakasendo Trail and staying at a Japanese ryokan

We had been planning our once-in-a-lifetime adventure for nearly a year; 10 months travel around the world visiting 15 countries to explore the history, landscape, wildlife, people and food of each destination across South America, Australasia, the Polynesian Triangle, Southeast Asia, China and Japan.

Our adventure included some of the must-see attractions of global travel; the Atacama Desert, Galapagos Islands, Easter Island, Machu Picchu, Ayres Rock and the Great Wall of China. Our hike on the Nakasendo Trail followed by a careful stay at a ryokan was to be one of the most memorable experiences.

Our luggage was forwarded on to our next city hotel with typical Japanese efficiency allowing my wife, Helene and I to take the wonderful bullet train and far slower local trains to Magome to start our hike on the Nakasendo Trail.

But not before we had our first sight of the magnificent Mount Fuji as we hurtled out of suburbia into lush rolling hills and picturesque valleys. Like every National Geographic image we had seen of Fuji it stood majestically in isolation, dominating the landscape with its summit in snow as if the peak had been dipped in a bucket of melted vanilla ice cream. It was a crisp clear day without a cloud in the blue sky, my goodness it was a wonderful sight. But Mount Fuji had to wait, first was a hike on the most famous trail in Japan.

The Nakasendo Highway or “Road through the Central Mountains” was part of feudal Japan’s network of highways and first established in the 8th C. linking the areas around the then capital Nara as the state grew. It continued to develop until the Edo period when the centre of power moved to what is now Tokyo and it became a communications route to send messages, goods and personnel across the empire between Kyoto and Tokyo. Trodden by feudal lords, samurai, merchants and ancient travellers it was our turn to follow in their footsteps on this most beautiful of trials.

We were just setting off to tackle our small part of the route when we met two elderly ladies a little red faced and puffing a bit, coming in the opposite direction.

‘Goodness,’ said Helene, ‘you look exhausted, is it that tough?’

‘Are you just setting off?’ one of them asked, in a broad North Country accent.

‘Yes, how long has it taken you?’ she asked.

‘Four days so far,’ replied the elderly lady.

The couple went on to explain they were hiking half of the whole Highway, although we had heard it takes up to 12 days to hike the whole trail. We felt a little too ashamed to admit we were tackling only a few miles, so wished them luck and set off up the narrow cobbled path on a beautiful warm and clear day.

Its full length is an impressive 531 km weaving between mountain ranges, on paved and cobbled paths. 69 Villages along its route were selected as juku Post Towns to provide food and lodgings for official travellers, our hike was from one of these, Magome to the most beautiful of them all, Tsumago the finest traditional Post Town in Japan.

In 1968 the Tsumago locals banded together to create a movement and protect the heritage of their town. Their intention was to preserve its old Edo buildings and the Meiji Period unique character of the village, so there are no TV ariels, telephone pylons or electric cables. It looks just like it did hundreds of years ago.

“Ring bell hard against bears” read the sign attached to the first bell post we came across. Without a bear to ring it against I gave the chain a long hard pull with the hope that the peels would scatter any bears on our path. The bells reminded me of the school dinner bell; I hoped it wasn’t the same for the bears.

The bell posts were dotted every half a mile or so along the track as it passed through the pine forest above the gushing Araragi River. We thought singing along the way might add to the bells to frighten off the occasional bear, or at least Helene thought my tone deaf voice might.

Coming out of the bear’s home we arrived at the river bank and an absolutely stunning view of cherry blossom in whites, pink and reds, some trees surprisingly displaying all three. The scene was thick with colour and an ideal place to stop for our picnic of sushi, Sapporo beer and a small bottle of sake on a low table under the cherry blossom, what could be more Japanese? Wonderful.

The trail took us through forests with a deep carpet of pine needles and along old cobbled paths hugging the river, it was a beautiful way to spend an afternoon with very few other walkers on the route.

On arrival at Tsumago we were not disappointed, what an elegant and beautiful village it is, built in the stunning style of ancient Japan and thankfully not overly commercialised.

Our stay that night was at the traditional Japanese boutique hotel Hanaya Ryokan, where we were to experience the best of Japan’s hospitality and its exacting etiquette. It’s the footwear that poses the biggest challenge. Shoes off and lots of mutual bowing on arrival, we were then provided with slippers and followed our host to our room where we were required to enter and remain bare foot, apart from the obligatory colourful toilet sandals, to be worn only inside the toilet. Leaving the smallest room with the sandals still on would be a definite faux pas.

Our room had a low table with still lower and quite demanding chairs, the floor was covered in tatami mats and the walls seemed to be made of paper. But there was something missing, no bed. Our non English speaking host must have registered my confusion as I peered into wardrobes, the bathroom and even the balcony, well you never know!

‘Futon, David,’ said Helene, who knows about these things.

Our host mimed making a bed and not to touch the rolled up colourful duvet affair in another cupboard.

‘Fair enough, floor it is then,’ I said, ‘only one night I suppose.’

We were then handed our own yukata’s, apparently. A dressing gown kimono type of affair that tied, importantly left side over the right (no idea why), with a huge double waist band around the middle, and fell to the floor, Helene looked terrific, I looked like I’d just got out of bed.

We were now all prepared to tackle our first onsen bath, a long-standing tradition the Japanese are very proud of but which is riddled with ritual. We needed to be careful here, onsen bathing is enjoyed naked. These hot cypress springs are both indoor and out and can be communal, fortunately our ryokan provided a segregated option so we set off in our colourful yukatas and a pair of open clogs to find a black flag for me and a red flag for Helene signifying the entry to our respective onsens.

The changing room had a short multilingual notice with instructions for use:

Strip naked.

Now I’m as uninhibited as the next person, but it’s difficult to maintain your dignity swanning around an onsen with nothing more than an insubstantial flannel generously provided in the bamboo basket where you deposit your yukata. Where do you hold it, for a start? There seemed to be two schools of thought here, those who gaily flounced around with flannel flung brazenly over their shoulder, and those who surreptitiously held it casually but carefully in front of them.

Opting for the latter strategy I entered what at first looked like a cross between a beauticians and a milking parlour. Three legged low stools were lined up in front of large wall mirrors while a selection of soaps, oils and other unidentifiable cleansing potions were presented on another low table.

Wash thoroughly before entering the onsen.

Each mirror had a shower attachment next to it, one of those on a coil that is intended to be pulled out of the wall. I glanced at my fellow onsen users for a clue, trying desperately for my glance not to be confused with a stare.

Sitting down close to the floor is an odd way to shower. Having eased my way down onto the low modesty stool I selected a couple of colourful liquids in Japanese bottles giving no indication which part of the body they specialised in and held the shower above me. I must say it was quite an enjoyable experience, I’m not convinced it will replace the more conventional alternative of standing up, but once I realised no one paid any attention to where all the hot steamy water was flying around it was fun.

Enter the onsen slowly, it is hot.

I made a quick dash to submerge myself in a vacant area of the open air onsen. Mt goodness, it was hot.

I watched the sun go down behind the blossom laden hills in the distance as the hot oily water soothed my aching limbs from hiking the Nakasendo Trail. And I got it. What a wonderful way to spend an early evening, no wonder the Japanese are so proud of the tradition.

Dinner was to be an equally traditional affair. Dressed back in our yukata and the second set of slippers of the evening we were directed to our personal dining area in the partitioned restaurant and seated at a low table laid beautifully with small bowls and dishes, jugs of sake and glasses of a wonderfully sweet plumb wine.

The dishes kept coming from our waitress in her colourful kimono and the sake kept flowing as our miming of the ingredients became more extravagant and funnier. We collapsed into futons late in the evening for a wonderful night’s sleep, what a glorious day.

David Moore is Author of ‘Turning Left Around the World’. Published by Mirador and available from Amazon, it is an entertaining account of David and his wife’s travel adventures – often intriguing, frequently funny and occasionally tragic. 

If you would like to be a guest blogger on A Luxury Travel Blog in order to raise your profile, please contact us.

The post Hiking the Nakasendo Trail and staying at a Japanese ryokan appeared first on Tripstations.

from Tripstations http://bit.ly/2IkwOkH via IFTTT

[moorefitness]

How To Hit Your Macro Targets When You Fall Short

If you keep finding yourself frustratingly short of hitting one or two of your macros at the end of the day, this guide will teach you how to fix that.

The implicit assumption I’m making is that you understand the benefits of focusing on macro targets, have calculated your macros, learned how to count and make meals out of them, but keep struggling to find a balance at the end of some days.

If this is you, rest assured that this is something that everyone experiences at some point. In this quick guide, I’ll teach you how to fill in the gaps quickly, easily, and with foods you enjoy.

Balancing Foods

“Balancing foods” is a phrase I made up to describe food choices made with the primary focus being to help us hit our macro targets by the end of the day should our meals fall short. Taste, while important, is a secondary consideration to convenience for most people.

As I said in my guide to making meals out of macros, the majority of people will find success easiest when they build 10-12 meals that they enjoy and fit their macros, then just eat the same meals over and over again. Yes, variety is marginally constrained, but the alternative – feeling like you’re on a macro hunt all day every day – is exhausting and unsustainable.

Once you have done that, there are two situations which commonly occur and cause people trouble:

You’ve crafted the near perfect meal set for a day, but find yourself either over or under a specific macro target.  – This is an ongoing issue which needs to be fixed ASAP.

You weren’t able to eat your regular meals and had to improvise, which left you short of certain macro targets at the end of a day. You get home late, tired, would prefer the extra sleep time than to cook, and want some quick and easy options.

It is variations of these two scenarios we will focus on in the examples below. First, have a look at this food Venn diagram food cheat sheet.

For more useful graphics, check out my Instagram.

Focus on the foods comprised of predominantly one or two macronutrients on the outside, those in blue and yellow. Take note in particular to those foods that you enjoy. We’re going to use this to help us fix issues you might find yourself having with examples below. It is not close to an exhaustive list, so feel free to add your own.

1. How to balance out your meal plans to get your macros right.

Here are some of the common issues.

👉🏻 I can’t eat enough high protein foods to hit Xg of protein in a day.

This is a problem typically raised by people who have recently decided they are going to start counting macros but are unwilling to change their #eatoutalldayeveryday #restaurantlife lifestyle. Yes, you will find it very hard unless you are prepared to cook.

Assuming you are cooking, then it’s just a case of increasing the amount of meat that you eat. For example, I have a protein target of 220 g per day. Two large chicken breasts (one for lunch, one for dinner) will weigh around 600 g (~21 oz) in total and have 150 g of protein. Two 25 g scoops of whey in the morning before my training brings this to 200 g, and the incidental protein from other foods takes me to my target. Boom.

So, if you usually eat 170 g (~6 oz) portions of meat, try increasing this by 50% to 250 g (~9 oz) and you will probably be close to your target. However, you then have to be careful of going over your fat budget…

👉🏻 I’m over my fat target considerably.

This is usually a problem that occurs when people increase their meat intake. Choose leaner cuts of meat or a ‘leaner’ cooking method. 

Swap out the chicken thigh for breast, pork belly for lean pork loin, the 80% lean mince beef for 90%.

Use less oil in the pan, or try grilling or baking instead of pan frying.

If you consume salads be aware that oil-based salad dressings can quickly add up. Consider swapping these.

👉🏻 I’m under my fat numbers and don’t know what to add or adjust.

Choose a fattier cut of meat or fish

Swap out some of your meat intake for eggs or cheese.

Add an oil based salad dressing.

Note: Consuming a greater amount of saturated fats (solid at room temperature) to unsaturated fats (liquid at room temperature) in your diet will likely lead to a blood lipid profile that is correlated with poorer health outcomes. Consider this balance before adding a stick of butter or spoon of coconut oil (which is 90% saturated fat) to your food.

I say this because with the recent come back of keto diet dogma and wider diet hipsterism, people seem to have been tricked into thinking that coconut oil and butter are magic. Avoiding a heart attack is more important.

👉🏻 I’m too full and struggle to eat enough carbs by the end of the day.

Have an extra meal.

Space your meals out. – Don’t rigidly stick to an 8-hour eating window. Consider having breakfast.

Swap the more filling carbs potatoes for rice or pasta. (Potatoes are the most filling and satiating of the main starchy staple food sources.)

Consider eating some cereal with skimmed milk.

Consider drinking some of your calories. – Swap some of your meat intake for a protein shake, some of your starchy carb intake (potatoes, rice, pasta) for fruit juice.

👉🏻 I struggle to keep my carb intake low enough.

Eat more salads and soups.

Swap any refined, sugary foods for starchy foods (rice, pasta, bread, potatoes) as these will keep you fuller, for longer. Potatoes seem to be the best for this.

If you’re cycling your macros to have more carbs on the training days than the rest days, consider stopping this. – Sustainability is more important.

2. How to balance your macros on irregular days

By irregular days I am referring to those days where you are not able to stick to your usual meal plan.

I’m going to give examples here based on my food preferences. Obviously, tastes differ and you need to go with yours, so please don’t blindly copy mine thinking they are special.

Bear in mind that maintaining the calorie balance for the day is more important than hitting any particular macronutrient target, so, don’t hit a macro target at the cost of going over calorie balance for the day. So, let’s say for example that you are looking for 150 g of carbs at the end of the day and no other macronutrients. Practically, this would be nearly impossible to do in a palatable way. So, consider this to be a 600 kcal target, and choose foods from the carbs side of the diagram.

👉🏻 You are 150 g of carbs short of your goal.

You need to eat 600 kcal (150*4) predominantly from carbs. Here are a couple of options:

Cereal and skimmed milk.

Oats and a large banana.

The banana will give you around 150 kcal. To hit the remaining 450 kcal, you need 120 g of oats. (This will give ~114 g of carbs, ~22 g of protein and ~6 g of fat, but I suggest you don’t worry about these minor details. We’re aiming to be close, not perfect.)

👉🏻 You are 40 g short of your protein target and 50 g short of your carb target for the day.

You need to eat 360 kcal (90*4) from a near equal mix of carbs and protein. Here are a couple of options:

Yogurt with a scoop of whey protein mixed in and a banana.

Oats with whey protein added to the mix. (Note: Mix the whey protein in the water or milk before heating or it will clump together.)

Cottage cheese and berries.

👉🏻 You’re short of your fat goal by 20g; your other macros are fine.

You need 180 kcal predominantly from fat. Assuming you have already eaten and you can’t add a little oil to one of your meals, this means you’re left with a lot of unappetizing decisions link gulping down a big spoon of oil. Eating 30 g (1 oz) of nuts, though of a mixed macro profile, is probably your best choice.

👉🏻 You’ve exceeded all your macros.

This means you are over your calorie target. If you know how much, 500 kcal, for example, you can reduce this from your food intake the next day, or spread that out over several days (166 kcal over three days), to balance things out for the week.

If you don’t know how much you were over, just go to bed and don’t worry about it.

👉🏻 You’ve eaten out and estimate you are 50g short on your protein targets.

Consider having a protein shake or ‘protein mug cake’ (instructions below). However, do not do this if you estimate you were over on your other macros and thus over on your total caloric budget. Recall from The Muscle and Strength Nutritional Pyramid of Importance, hitting your caloric intake is more important than hitting your protein intake (or any other macronutrient for that matter).

👉🏻 You ate out and could not fully control what was on that particular meal.

If you can, try to estimate what is in the meal by eyeballing it (refer to the sister article on counting macros for more on this). ‘Adjust’ things after as best you can using one of the examples above.

👉🏻 You’re going away for the weekend and won’t be able to cook.

If you have been dieting for a while, you risk binge eating if left to your own devices. Eyeball your foods if you can, but if you can’t (or don’t want to), just apply the following rules that my clients have had success with.

It takes a while for your brain to signal that you are full. So, make a conscious effort to chew your food slowly. Ideally, eat some salad first, followed by protein, and then the rest after.

Take some protein powder with you in case the protein portion in restaurants isn’t large enough.

Don’t be afraid to leave things on your plate.

Avoid dessert.

How to satiate your sweet tooth while helping to your protein targets

I add this here because advice for hitting protein targets is such a common question in comments on social media.

  For more useful graphics, check out my Instagram.

Drink it as a shake. – Use some ice and/or fruits to make it filling and more smoothie-like.

Stir it in your yogurt. – Consider adding some fruit for flavor, volume, and micronutrition. Chocolate whey and banana in a plain vanilla yogurt works well.

Make yourself a protein mug cake. – Grab a mug, add a scoop of whey, add a little cold water until you make a sludgy consistency and then nuke it in the microwave for 30–45 seconds. Don’t overcook it or it will end up dry.

Protein Pancakes. – Similar to our mug cake method but cooked in a skillet. You could add in some banana, greek yogurt or any other topping you like to add more nutrition and flavor.

Oatmeal fan? – You can create an easy, moderate-carb high-protein meal by adding a scoop or two of whey to it. Mix the protein powder with the cold milk or water first, before cooking on a low heat to avoid clumping.

Protein coffee. – Make sure to mix the whey protein with cold milk or water first so you don’t get lumps. You can use instant or any espresso. Grab your mug, mix the whey into a little cold mix or water first to avoid getting lumps, then add in the hot coffee.

Concluding Thoughts

Approximately half of my clients travel regularly for business. This makes things more challenging, but by far, the most important determinant of success or failure for these clients over the years has been their attitude. – Aim to be consistent over the long-term rather than stressing yourself above being perfect. Do what you can rather than taking minor derailments as an excuse to binge-eat for a day. We are the product of our habits, not the occasions.

Thank you for reading. If you have any questions please hit me up in the comments.

– Andy

Related Articles:

Macro Counting 101: The Comprehensive, No-Nonsense Guide

The Complete Nutrition Setup Guide

How to Avoid Protein Powder Scams

The post How To Hit Your Macro Targets When You Fall Short appeared first on RippedBody.com.

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Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream Review (UPDATED 2017): Don’t Buy Before You Read This!

Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream is a luxury eye cream that targets aging skin. This product is made with a soothing eye complex that works to smooth skin and improve its texture.

Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream claims to repair skin at a cellular level, plumping the delicate under eye skin, while improving the skin’s natural defenses against oxidative damage. According to the website, this product also works to improve water retention and hydration.

Kremovage is the eye cream we feel brings consumers the most radiant bang for their buck. With a comprehensive anti-aging blend of antioxidants, rich and soothing oils, plus potent peptides, users can expect to see firmer skin and reduced wrinkles and fine lines with regular use. Click the link to learn more about using Kremovage to tackle the visible signs of aging.

Do You Know the Best Eye Creams of 2017 ?

Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream Ingredients and Side Effects

Chanel has not included an official ingredient label on their website and refers to its formula in rather vague terms. Some third-party retailers do provide users with this information. Here’s a look at what users can expect to find in this eye cream

Squalane Licorice Root Peptides Vanilla Planifolia

Squalane: Squalane is an oil used to soothe and hydrate the skin. It works to fight bacteria, protects from oxidative stress—preventing free radical damage that leads to visible signs of aging.

Licorice Root: Licorice root is soothing to sensitive skin and may have a lightening effect on age spots, dark circles or hyperpigmentation. In addition to its color-correcting potential, licorice root is rich in anti-oxidants, which work to protect the skin against pollution, sun damage and physical stressors.

Peptides: Peptides are small chains of amino acids that make up proteins. Peptides are used in a number of antiaging products due to their ability to stimulate collagen production. Peptides work to smooth out fine lines and wrinkles and improve the tone and texture of the skin.

Vanilla Planifolia: An extract derived from a Madagascan vanilla bean, this ingredient is typically used to provide fragrance to various products. This ingredient has the added benefit of being rich in antioxidants.

Click here to learn more about how to jump start the collagen production in your skin for a younger look.

Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream Quality of Ingredients

Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream contains many of the usual suspects—peptides, squalane and licorice, among several other filler ingredients. At a glance this formula seems pretty good—equal parts hydrating and restorative.

According to Chanel, the formula depends heavily on this vanilla from Madagascar. We’re not sure if its any more effective than the other key ingredients, or if it drives up the price point.

Aside from the vanilla, there’s not any demonstrated evidence that this product is any better than anything else on the market. This product, despite the designer abel, still contains preservatives such as parabens which some consumers may prefer to steer clear of.

Based on the information we have, Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream does have some potential, but we believe that the benefits may be overblown due to the packaging and the association with the Chanel brand.

Click here to read about the hottest eye creams 2017 has to offer.

EDITOR’S TIP: Combine this product with a proven eye cream such as Kremovage for better results.

The Price and Quality of Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream

Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream is available for sale on the official Chanel website, offered at a whopping $225 for a container with 0.5 ounces of product.

Unfortunately, users are unlikely to find this product at a discount. Macy’s, Nordstrom and other sellers maintain the high price point set by Chanel.

This is one of the most expensive eye creams we’ve encountered, and it’s hard to understand why (well, aside from the brand recognition, of course.)

This product contains a decent amount of effective anti-aging ingredients, but all can be found in products for a fraction of the cost.

Read through our favorite reviews of 2017, so far, showcasing the most effective eye creams on the market.

Business of Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream

Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream is made by fashion company, Chanel. Here is their contact information, along with some background:

Phone: 1.800.550.0005

Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream is made by the design house, Chanel. On top of their storied designer clothing empire, Chanel has a line of cosmetics, skin care products and fragrances, all priced at a premium rate.

A quick look through the Chanel website, and it’s abundantly clear this isn’t for the bargain hunters of the world. The Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream itself is $225 a pop, and buying a box set of Sublimage products can run consumers over $600.

Again, we’re not sure what about this line (or any other Chanel skin care item) makes it so expensive, but it does become clear that users might just be paying for a prestige brand. It’s clear that Chanel brings a level of customer service and quality you won’t find from lower end brands, but we’re still on the fence as to whether or not this is a good product.

Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream may well have some benefits, but you can’t help but wonder if the use of Madagascan vanilla is simply a marketing ploy—if that’s the big draw for consumers, we’d suggest looking for a different product.

Customer Opinions of Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream

Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream isn’t sold through too many channels, at least online, and as a result, there is a limited pool of reviews.

Of the reviews we found, it seems that there was something of a divide. Many people reported eye irritation as a result of use and were disappointed, while others touted benefits like its ability to reduce dark circles and puffiness on contact.

Here are some of the comments people shared about their experience with the luxury eye cream.

“Great for dry skin and it’s unscented. While the price is pretty hard to swallow, keep in mind a little goes a long way. It takes me almost a year to go through a jar of the stuff.”

“Many of Chanel’s products make me break out, so I don’t typically use them, but this eye cream is the exception to the rule. I don’t really have crow’s feet or wrinkles, but this does help with puffiness.”

“Was super hesitant to buy this because of the price, but I really like it. It works with makeup, never smudging eye liner or mascara and de-puffs under eye bags without any stinging or irritation.”

“This cream is fine in the day, but if I wear it to bed, I wake up with little red bumps around the eye. My eyes do look more awake and younger, but this isn’t the only product that can help with bags.”

This cream does not appear to be for everyone—specifically those people with sensitive eyes. There were many positive reviews that people left, but nothing suggesting that this $200+ eye cream was any more effective than eye creams with similar ingredient profiles and a lower price point.

Find the right eye cream for your budget — a look at quality products are every price point.

Conclusion – Does Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream Work?

Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream seems like it’s a solid eye cream, but there’s nothing in this formula that warrants a $225 price tag for such a small amount of product.

While users did seem to like this product, there was little evidence that this was the best eye cream they had ever tried, or that there were any advantages associated with using this product versus something much more affordable.

It’s clear, based on the reviews, compared to the ingredients used to make the formula, that consumers are paying for the name “Chanel” and the luxuriant gold packaging that comes along with it.

While Chanel Sublimage Eye Cream certainly has its fans, there’s no question that consumers can do just as well with an $80 or $100 eye cream—something still in that so-called luxury range, minus the obvious status symbol surcharge.

Users considering this product should be aware of a few things before committing to buy. Learn which ingredients best help your most pressing skin care concerns and find a formula that’s rich in those particular components.

It’s also worth pointing out that luxury formulas aren’t necessarily made with the safest or most natural ingredients. The Chanel product, for example, includes parabens, a controversial preservative linked to breast cancer.

Kremovage is the best product out there for treating the wrinkles and fine lines that develop as we age. This product is made from ingredients like green tea extract, peptides, ocean-based retinol and a number of other antioxidant-rich oils and fruit extracts—all working together to provide users with firmer, younger looking skin.

Kremovage was created by a team devoted to bringing quality plant-based products to consumers looking for an eye cream that really delivers results. Click here to find out what you have to gain by giving Kremovage a try.

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