#//i keep wanting to work on either p.s or bl.s but when i try to do something with One of them my brain is like
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i grab my computer; 'i'm gonna draw something' but i have no actual idea of what i'll draw. 'it'll come to me'
it has been five hours what have i been doing ???
#just me hi#hiii :3#i've been feelin pretty nice these past two days!#doesn't mean i've gotten anything done but-#//i keep wanting to work on either p.s or bl.s but when i try to do something with One of them my brain is like#'hey- hey- but hey- what if we did something with the other one'#[hitting undo] 'ok? like what-'#'lol iii don't know. hey look youtube is open- ooo a viddy!!!'#so yeah :')#//maybe i should try writing#not sure if this is the mood for it but i haven't tried it yet!#//hmmm#how can my head be so full of thoughts but also be so so empty#there is Nothing going on in here nooo sirree it's emptier than a Kmart parking lot#but also there is EVERYTHING going on in here i house the universe in my mind and it's trying to build a temple in the real world through#sheer willpower#ykno what i mean?#//colours and textures and faces and notes to get gas way back in june and numbers and a muffled conversation and the feeling of porcelain#and the pressure of a pen pinned against my fingers and the sounds of paper being shuffled and the smell of a card deck and my mother's#eyes but they're the wrong colour and that dream that i couldn't get juuust right the other night and that sentence i just need to tweak#until it's perfect and a song that makes me happy and a song that makes me excited and the sound of a note on an untuned piano and white#walls that are still mostly green because we never finished painting and the sound of an AC and the smell of alcohol markers and the sound#of the cat asking for food and the time the sun starts to rise in the morning and the colour of the number five and the feeling of staying#up until 4 a.m. painting a mediocre painting but it looks so pretty in the lamplight and in the moment i didn't have the heart to stop and-#it all turns into white-noise and it all goes blank lol#i like my brain it's nice to turn over and study it every now and then. wondering why it works so oddly#but also i. just want to Draw my guy bdhjvf#it doesn't have to be this wayyy#//but yeah lol :>#maybe i can do something with some of these thoughts now that they're a little less tangled up lol
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