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sleepysnk · 4 years ago

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i fell in LOVE with the ideas you gave me about streamer!eren so here we go! thank you again and i hope you enjoy <3

Jaegerbomb is Streaming

Pairings: Streamer!Eren Jaeger x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None

Jaegerbomb is now streaming

Eren adjusted his mic as the stream began, it was a Friday night and he was doing his usual nightly stream. He talked about it on Twitter so he expected a lot of people to be tuning in tonight, as well as it was a Friday night and not many people had school the next day.

"What's up guys?" Eren said as he watched the views begin to go up and the viewers tuned in.

He watched people type in the chat sending the usual 'hi eren!' or the 'hey eren!' he was used to the these messages, a smile forming onto his face.

"Good to see you guys here again! I honestly have no idea what I'm gonna play tonight but we'll go with it," he said, looking at the different chats.

He began to read the different messages that were being sent, some people complimented him or asked how his day was to which he responded with 'thank you' or 'my night has been great'.

Eren was a popular streamer.

He gained popularity within a few months after he streamed with some pretty well known streamers, his raging and yelling is what got him noticed by people, as well as his appearance. People got a kick out of him all the time and he was definitely going places.

Eren was cute, he had emerald-like eyes, brown hair, a sly sexy smile, and he always looked amazing no matter what. It attracted female attention as well as some males, Eren didn't mind it though, he loved interacting with fans on a daily basis; he also had a pretty big fanbase with 400k followers on Twitter and 90k Instagram followers. They were all amazing people and Eren couldn't ask for better.

His rage was something people found to be hilarious, there were compilations of him yelling at Call of Duty or screaming when playing the popular horror games. There was also this one time Eren's mom walked in and yelled at him when he was being too loud, and people found it to be hilarious.

He called his fans the 'Jaegerists', his fanbase was very sweet and there was rarely any toxicity in it. Which in Eren's opinion, was very relieving.

When Eren got popular he was very nervous of the issues that came with it, sometimes people would recognize him on the street or people in his classes would bring up his streams. It was something Eren enjoyed, but he tended to keep his streaming life out of his personal life. It was also a request by Carla, his mother. She told Eren to be careful and always be wary of the internet.

He did exactly that and here he was now, sitting with 7k people watching him.

"What should I play tonight? I was thinking we could do Cold War or Minecraft, but being honest Cold War is a bit boring right now; so let me know guys!" Eren said, scrolling through his chat.

Within seconds people began replying saying either Cold War or Minecraft.

Suddenly, a few notifications started popping in from a few of his viewers.

jaegerbombfan10 donated 30 coins!

iloveeren_ donated 10 coins!

erenjaeger21 donated 5 coins!

Eren smiled as he got the donations, it was common for his viewers to donate to him and he was very thankful for it. He never begged his fans for donations or any of that and that's what people liked about Eren, he never asked for anything other than love and kindness.

"Thank you to those who donated! You're all amazing!" he said with a smile.

The usual kudos came into chat and people sent in hearts to the chat which made Eren feel 10x more happier, he enjoyed what his fans were doing for him and he was so thankful.

"Alright I think Minecraft won.. so today we're gonna do that," Eren added, narrowing his eyes a bit at the different chats which suggested the game.

Eren skimmed through his computer and began to load the game, it took a few moments but the main screen popped up and Eren put on his headset.

His eyes averted to the chat's people were sending in.

jaegerbombswife: eren u look so good

ereniloveyou_: minecraft is so cool eren

jaegerbombsbiggestfan: omg eren u look so cute right now ❤

jaegerist21: ooo minecraft? sounds fun eren!

"I feel like a mess right now but thank you guys, really. What music should I play tonight? Let me know in the chat," he said before turning back to the screen and entering his world.

It was pretty common for Eren to stream during the night, he doesn't really have the time during the day to stream since he has school and other important personal things to deal with.

He scrolled through the chats with different artists and songs, "You guys want Pop Smoke? I played him last time.. how about some The Kid Laroi? He has some good songs," he said, clicking through to find his spotify.

Eren clicked on a random song and went back to Minecraft, he started by running around and organizing his items because a few people in the chat were complaining about his inventory.

"Oh shush! Not everyone is perfect! My house is dope okay?" Eren said before chuckling a bit.

Suddenly, a few notifications came through which caught Eren's attention.

y/nloveseren donated 500 coins!

y/nloveseren donated 1000 coins!

y/nloveseren donated 800 coins!

That was surprising.. not many people donate three times in a row, and with that many coins either.

Eren watched as the user moved from the bottom of the donation list to the very top, whoever it was, they were donating a lot of coins to him.

"Yo! Y/nloveseren! Thank you for your donations!" he said, smiling to himself.

A few chats suddenly bubbled in.

jaegerist45: damn whoever that is they donated a lot.

jaegerbombsbiggestfan407: omg fr!

iloveueren77: eren i can donate later!

y/nloveseren: of course! ♡ you're one of my favorite streamers <3

Eren smiled at the message, "Nah thank YOU for donating! It's appreciated," he replied.

As Eren continued playing Minecraft throughout the night y/nloveseren continued to donate to him, they ended up donating about five or six times after and it was surprising for him. He hadn't ever seen this person in his streams before, he tends to remember usernames, but theirs didn't ring much of a bell. They must have been a silent viewer.

"You guys can ask some questions by the way! It's only midnight and I really wanna hear from you guys," he said, taking a sip of his water bottle.

Questions began to fill into the chat.

jaegerbombbbb21: eren will you ever play outlast?

erensimp34: how tall are you eren?

jaegerist0123: does ur mom know about u streaming?

erensbiggestfan31: are u single?

Eren skimmed through the different questions, some were the usual and some were odd. "Well to answer, I will play Outlast at some point. I am 6'1, my mom does know I stream, and yes I am single." he replied.

Many reactions came from the chat, people saying how sexy his height was or talking about how he was single.

y/nloveseren: ur single!? holy shit

Eren chuckled a bit, "Yeah I am single.. it's mainly 'cause I never really found anyone who was going to stick around you know?" he said.

y/nloveseren: can i place my minecraft bed next to yours then? ;)

Eren's eyes widened a bit from the message, his cheeks growing a light shade of pink; nobody has ever flirted with him on a stream before. Yeah people have called him sexy or said he was hot, but a flirt was never thrown.

"Y/nloveseren you definitely caught my attention with that.. but sure! I'll let you," he smirked.

The chat suddenly went wild with people sending in messages about what he said, others pointed out his blush or the way he was smirking right now.

jaegerist45: eren a simp? ooop

iloveyoueren_: what? :/ eren what about me 🙄?

erensimp34: SIMPPPP

erenishot386: did u guys see him blush? I GOT IT ON CAMERA

jaegerist219: omg he blushed? y/nloveseren keep talking!!

Eren smiled to himself, "Alright settle down guys! What they said was nice, okay? Nothing serious."

y/nloveseren: aw :( i was serious tho! you are quite the cutie <3 i deadass can't believe you noticed that message 😭!

y/nloveseren donated 400 coins!

"Thank you y/nloveseren! Seriously, you are kicking ass tonight," he said. "I'm definitely not the cutest but thank you, really!"

Within the next few hours, Eren and a few other viewers chatted about new games and a few embarrassing stories Eren told them. The one person who stood out to him though, was y/nloveseren. They donated a lot that night and Eren even chatted with them.

"Alright guys! I'll see you all soon! Goodnight," Eren said, waving at the camera.

jaegerist45: night eren!

iloveeren716: goodnight Eren! ♡

y/nloveseren: night Eren! sleep well <3

Eren stopped the stream and leaned back in his chair, who was y/nloveseren? And why couldn't he stop thinking about them?

The next few weeks of streaming were exciting for Eren, a few new games were released and he started playing them for his fans. He gained more popularity from the games as well and he was happy to see new people trickling in.

Though, Eren had another thing to look forward to when streaming.

(Y/N).

He actually ended up finding out her name, yes she was a girl.

During one of his streams he asked a few questions about her, of course she was happy to respond to Eren and he always looked forward to seeing her in his streams. She was his top donater and he was always excited to see her pop in, it was odd; Eren never felt this way before.

She was a fan, someone who looked up to him, yet Eren felt... excited to see her? He would get nervous if he didn't see her join a stream or he'd be disappointed if she left early, it was odd. He wasn't sure why he felt this way.

His fans pointed it out as well, they noticed Eren would smile a lot whenever he spoke to her or he would laugh at her jokes.

Eren never did that, not even with a fan.

He was sitting in his chair, the stream had just started and people began to fill in, he was going to play a bit of Call of Duty and then he would chill.

"What's up guys? How are we doing today?" Eren asked, looking at the screen.

erenfan21: hey Eren! i'm good

jaegerist45: yoo hey!

iloveeren1827: hi eren! how are you?

y/nloveseren: hi eren!! <3

Eren smiled seeing her pop into the chat, "I'm good guys, hi (Y/N). Good to see you," he replied.

As Eren played the game he couldn't help but look over to see if (Y/N) ever talked, he didn't want to miss a message from her. Sometimes he got so distracted he would end up dying or losing a round, a lot of people took notice.

"Bro Call of Duty makes me so mad," Eren said, his brows pinching together as he focused on the screen. "Maybe I should uh.." he trailed off as he looked at the chat.

Suddenly, his controller vibrated and it showed his character dying.

"Fuck!" Eren yelled, rolling his eyes. He then turned off the game and leaned back in his chair, he was clearly mad; his rage was something that entertained people and this was no different.

erensbiggestfan31: damn Eren you're mad again?

jaegerist187: shit guys he might rage

jaegerbomb1782: ah shit, u good eren?

y/nloveseren: eren? are you okay?

His eyes flickered towards the chat, "Yeah I'm good guys! That shit pissed me off, but I'll head back in." he said, pressing a few buttons to head into the game again.

y/nloveseren: yay!! 🥰 happy Eren is the best Eren!

y/nloveseren donated 700 coins!

He smiled to himself again. She always made him smile.. it was something she did to him, she had this effect no other fan could put on him.

"Say (Y/N).. you donate a lot and I always see you here.. yet, I don't think you've ever followed me before," he said, looking at the screen.

The chat began to blow up.

jaegerist45: OOOOO 👀

iloveeren167: oh shit? eren?

y/nloveseren: i'm just shy 😭 plus i doubt you respond to dms

He ran his fingers through his brunette locks, twirling one of the strands in his fingers. "I do actually respond to dms, but you're shy? That's cute lowkey.. I actually have an idea," he smirked.

y/nloveseren: and that is? 👀

erensimp34: A CHALLENGE? y/n omg

jaegerist45: oh shit.. IM INTERESTED

jaegerbombfan20: SHE GETTING BOLD 😩

"If I win this next round of COD you gotta give me your Instagram," he said, leaning back on his chair.

The chat began to blow up with messages of people hyping (Y/N) up, a grin formed onto Eren's face seeing what people were saying. He hoped that she wasn't uncomfortable with what he said, that's the last thing Eren would ever want.

y/nloveseren: bet, deal.

His eyes widened a bit, "Shit for real? Just know I'm not forcing you, but I'm curious about you."

y/nloveseren: nah! you're fine ;) let's see if you win though

Eren smirked when his eyes scanned over the message, "Alright.. say less," he said.

He entered the game and started playing the round, he made sure to keep extra focused so he wouldn't lose. That was the last thing he wanted, he was interested in what (Y/N) was like; she was definitely intriguing.

Eren pressed his thumbs and fingers into the controller, his grip tight enough that his knuckles were white; his fans even noticed and told him it wasn't that serious, but Eren didn't care. He wanted to win and losing is something Eren hated.

Suddenly the screen flashed the victory and Eren put his hands in the air. "Hell yeah! You guys see that? Jaegerbomb is the winner!" he yelled with a smile on his face.

His chat was going crazy.

jaegerist45: YO GOOD JOB EREN

erensimp13: omg nice job eren!

jaegerbombfan20: dude u did so good!!

Eren's smile widened looking at the chat, he always enjoyed his fans telling him he was doing great.

y/nloveseren: you actually won, damn. i didn't think you would have 😭, but since you did.. you want my instagram?

Eren leaned back in his chair, "Hell yeah! Hand it over," he replied.

y/nloveseren: it's y/n.l/n!

He grabbed his phone and went to Instagram, the chat was blowing up yet again when people saw her actually put her Instagram in. They hyped her up and even told Eren that he was a lucky guy for that.

Eren found her profile instantly, he scrolled through her photos and his eyes went wide; she was gorgeous. Eren was used to pretty girls talking or messaging with him, but she.. she was different and he felt it; he couldn't help but stare at the different photos of her in the mirror or the selfies she had with a pretty smile.

He looked at the chat and moved his headset to the side, "Yo.. guys.." he said, staring at the screen.

Instantly people began asking questions. "Guys.. she is fucking gorgeous, (Y/N) you're so cute holy shit," he said, smiling to himself.

jaegerist45: YOOO EREN IS A SIMP

iloveeren3827: awe 🥺

erensimp13: SHOW USSSS

jaegerbombfan20: is she pretty? y/n omg ur so lucky

erensbiggestfan928: simpppp

jaegerist2827: DID YOU GUYS SEE HIS SMILE?

His smile turned into a frown when he saw that (Y/N) wasn't talking in the chat anymore. Did he make her uncomfortable? He didn't force her into sending it, maybe she was uncomfortable and she just didn't want to say anything.

"Yo.. (Y/N) are you there? Shit did I make you uncomfortable? I'm sorry," Eren said, putting his phone on his desk.

He shook his leg watching the different people responding to what was going on, a few people apologized to her; they said that they didn't mean to make her feel weird or force her into telling Eren her Instagram.

His eyes flickered when he saw her name.

y/nloveseren: omg no! you didn't make me uncomfortable at all :) thank you for your comments tho! 💗 you made me smile

Eren felt relief wash over him, "Ugh thank god! I thought I made you feel grossed out! But it's my pleasure.. you are beautiful," he said.

People started to leave messages like 'awe <3' or 'omg guys Eren is so simping right now'. All in all, he found (Y/N) extremely attractive and he decided to follow her, he silently prayed that maybe just maybe.. they would talk outside of the stream.

Eren noticed how late it was, it was currently 2:31 A.M. and he usually went to sleep earlier on Sunday's because of his classes.

"Alright guys! I'm gonna end it here, it is really late where I live so I'm probably gonna head to sleep. Goodnight everyone! Thank you for tuning in!" he said while waving at the camera.

Everyone wished Eren a good night and he ended the stream. He rubbed his tired eyes and went to shut off the light in his room, all he wanted was to relax and get a good night's rest.

He placed his phone onto the nightstand and rolled over to the other side of his bed, his body relaxing into the sheets and comfort of his mattress.

A sudden ping woke him up.

It was odd, nobody usually texted Eren this late except for maybe Armin who reminded him to keep quiet while he studied but Armin was out that night with Annie.

Reaching for his phone, the screen lit up; he had a notification from Instagram. More specifically, a direct message.

He unlocked his phone and noticed he had a dm from (Y/N), she actually texted him; a smile grew onto his face as he opened it up.

(Y/N): hey! i doubt you're awake, but i wanted to message you and say hey <3!

He instantly began typing back.

Eren: hey! i was about to go to bed but i wanted to respond to your message, so you're y/nloveseren right?

Within seconds she viewed the message and began typing again.

(Y/N): haha, yeah that's me! i've been watching you stream for a really long time, but i was a silent fan. i got a job recently and i decided to donate since you have always put a smile on my face lol.

Eren: wow really? that's sick! it's so cool to meet you, i always look forward to seeing your name in my streams 😭. how old are you btw?

(Y/N): it's cool speaking with you too! i'm 19 btw!

Eren was surprised, she was around his age? Some of his fans were under 18 or around 20+, but he was surprised to see someone the same age as him around. Most of the girls around his age weren't interested in streamers or gaming in general.

Eren: say uh.. do you mind maybe, getting to know one another? only if you're cool with it of course

He chewed his bottom lip waiting for a reply back, he wasn't sure what she would say. He didn't want to come off as the creepy streamer who talks to fans and does weird shit with them.

(Y/N): really? sure! i'm down :)!!

He smiled seeing the message, maybe this girl was worth losing sleep over.

Eren spent the last few days talking to (Y/N), he would stay up past 3 A.M. texting with her about life and getting to know her deeper.

The two connected instantly that night, (Y/N) was an university student studying psychology and she had a job at a local cafe near her apartment outside campus. She was interested in gaming and she told Eren that she had been watching his streams for a few months, she found him to be entertaining and he was one of the few streamers that weren't weird.

They shared a lot of the same experiences on a lot of things. Eren told her about the many relationships he had and how the girls instantly thought he was weird or boring for wanting to stream instead of having a career. (Y/N) had just gotten out of a really bad relationship and she told him that her ex found it weird that she watched him.

As much as Eren really liked the vibes he got from (Y/N), he was scared to get close with her. Armin warned him many times about how some 'fans' aren't actually fans, they con people and gain their trust to expose them later. Eren didn't want to be used for money or any of that, that would be the end of him.

Still though, Eren wanted to talk to her more. He hadn't ever gotten like this with a fan before, but maybe.. this could be different?

Eren was laying in bed that night, he decided not to stream because he was tired and he just felt really lazy. He was doing the usual, texting (Y/N) and listening to music.

(Y/N): what are you up to?

Eren: i'm just laying down, listening to music. wbu?

(Y/N): i was wondering if you maybe wanted to.. facetime? of course we don't have to but i feel like it could be cool?

Eren looked up for a second, maybe a facetime would be good; it could help him get to know her more and maybe he could find out if she was looking to fuck around with him.

Eren: sure! here's my number

He sent her his number and sat up, he wanted to look decent for her anyway. He fixed his messy hair and tied it back into a bun, then he zipped up his sweater.

His heart began to race, why was he feeling this way? It was just a fan nothing he couldn't handle, he silently hoped that she wouldn't think he was weird or anything.

His phone suddenly began to ring, he rushed over to his bed and grabbed his phone. It was an unsaved number so he assumed it was (Y/N). He fixed his hair and clicked the green answer button.

"Hey!" Eren said, his smile showing as he saw (Y/N) behind the screen.

She giggled, "Oh my God hi! You're so much cuter behind the screen," she replied.

Eren chuckled, "Thank you.. you're very beautiful yourself."

Her cheeks grew hot, "You're sweet but.. what's up? How are you doing tonight?" she asked with a smile on her face.

Eren leaned back in his chair, "I'm doing good, what about you? Do you work tonight?" he asked.

"No I don't actually.. that's why I decided to call you since I had some free time. Are you streaming today?" she asked.

He shook his head, "Nah.. I uh.. I decided not to since I was tired and I honestly was too lazy to get on," he chuckled.

"Oh Jaegerbomb is lazy huh? That's odd, you usually have so much energy." she giggled.

Eren smiled at her words, "Yeah I'm pretty lazy sometimes.. but y/nloveseren just insisted we facetime," he said in a dramatic tone.

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Oh shush! I was being sweet and plus I was bored, so be thankful I asked." she said, giggling a bit.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Oh I see.. but I am thankful! You're a pretty sweet girl (Y/N), I love talking to you."

She felt bashful around him, Eren had this impact on her and she always had butterflies whenever his name popped up into her phone. He was sweet, attractive, exciting, and most of all he was an amazing listener; something (Y/N) never had.

"Thank you, Eren. You're a really sweet guy yourself," she replied, nodding her head to the side.

He propped his phone up on his bed, he adjusted himself so he was a bit comfortable. "Of course! You deserve it (Y/N)," he smiled.

The two talked for hours that night about so many things. They told each other different stories from their childhood, they talked about weird experiences they had, and they even got a bit personal with one another. Eren felt like that was a huge plus, he could never get this personal with anyone.

He loved the vibes he got from (Y/N), she was easy to talk to, funny, sweet, she matched his vibe and the two got along so well.

Eren had his mind made up.

She was worth losing sleep over.

A month or two had gone by since (Y/N) and Eren started talking. They were still very close and they talked pretty much all day everyday, that was something that rarely ever happened with a fan. Most of the time Eren wouldn't speak to fans long.

He considered her a friend, but he knew inside he wanted to be more than friends with her.

He was currently streaming at the moment, he was a bored; not much was going on and he was playing some Minecraft to pass the time. (Y/N) told him earlier in the day that she wouldn't be joining the stream till later because she was working late. It slightly disappointed him, but he knew that her personal life was important.

He sighed, "What do you guys wanna talk about? Ask me anything," he said, looking towards the chat.

A few questions bubbled into his chat, some were questions that he's answered before. But one question actually caught his eye..

jaegerist3452: what do you think about y/n?

He furrowed his brows for a second, why would they be asking about her? Sure, he told people that he was speaking to her and they talked outside of the streams, but nobody really asked.

"What do I think about (Y/N)? Oh, she's dope as hell. I love talking to her, there's a lot more I can say but I dunno.. she might not like it," he replied, leaning back in his chair.

His eyes scanned back over to the chat where everyone was spamming telling him to say it and that she probably wouldn't judge him.

"You guys really want to know?" he asked, sitting up a bit.

erensimp43: yes!! i wanna know!

jaegerist45: i'm down to listen

erensbiggestfan2928: tell us!

iloveeren1010: i wanna hear!

Eren let out air through his nose. "Well (Y/N) is a really really sweet girl, she's so nice and easy to talk to. Not to mention how great of a listener she is, her personality is something I value the most about her; she always makes me laugh and talking to her is my favorite part of the day. Most of all, she's beautiful. She's such a pretty girl and.. damn, I'd love to make her mine."

The chat began to blow up with messages.

jaegerist45: that's so cute man

jaegerbombfan20: awe 🥺

iloveeren_: that's adorable holy shit

erensbiggestfan1083: simppppp but that's so nice

He smiled at the thought of her. "Yeah call me a simp but... she's really amazing," he said.

y/nloveseren: wow 🥺..

His eyes bulged out of his head when he saw her name in the chat, a blush crept onto his cheeks feeling embarrassment washing over him.

"O-Oh shit.."

Everyone began to flood messages about how Eren just got caught, he felt embarrassed and really bashful. She most likely heard everything he just said, what if she was uncomfortable?

"Shit I'm sorry (Y/N).. I shouldn't have said that shit.. we barely know one another and you're probably really upset," Eren said, rubbing his temples.

y/nloveseren: no Eren ur fine! what u said was actually really sweet 🥺💗.. thank you <3

He sat up, "Really? Wait.. so you're not mad?"

y/nloveseren: no not at all! :) i can say the same about you.. you've definitely been really sweet and i really like you

His jaw dropped and a smile formed onto his features. "Wow.. I have no words. Can we text? Please?" he asked, raising his brows.

y/nloveseren: of course <3!

Eren reached for his phone and saw her typing in their dms, his eyes flickered upwards at the chat which was now going crazy over what they both said to each other.

jaegerist45: dude that's so cute

jaegerbombfan20: I'M GONNA CRY OMG

The vibration of his phone broke him out of his thoughts, he went to Instagram to view the message from her.

(Y/N): hey :), i heard what you said and it really made my day. i was having a shitty day at work and hearing what you said made me so happy, so thank you for that. i like you, eren. i know you may not feel the same but talking to you has been so amazing and i would love to talk to you more ♡.

He smiled before sending a reply.

Eren: i would love to! talking to you has made me so much happier and i'm glad we met. everything i said was true and i want to keep talking, you're amazing.

(Y/N): sounds like a plan ❤.

Eren smiled and looked up to see his chat spamming his name, many people took the hint that he was talking to her.

"I got her guys.." he said with a smile.

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jonghostation · 6 years ago

Text

ateez as baristas

{ 𝕎𝕖𝕝𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕠 ℂ𝕠𝕗𝕗𝕖𝕖'𝕤 ℙ𝕣𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕖 }

seonghwa

- suave mofo in taking orders

- dorky as heck when he’s on break

- complains about how hungry he is.

- makes really good latte art.

- might fall asleep on the job.

- does not have time for rude ass customers, he'd have to leave and let someone else take over to calm down or he would beat their asses.

- such perfect son-in-law vibes, honestly.

hongjoong

- greets everyone with a bright smile, to cover up the fact that he's dying on the inside.

- sneaks in a few sips of that espresso cz that boi is sleep deprived fr.

- puts his earphones on during breaks, DO NOT DISTURB AT THIS TIME.

- more likely to mix up orders.

- gets a mini heart attack when a customer complains, but he can handle it really well.

- fan favorite of tweens and pre-teens because of his playful big brother vibes.

yunho

- the most easygoing barista you'll ever have the pleasure of meeting.

- by the time the customer finishes ordering, he'd know their birthday, their mom's name and their dog's favorite food.

- the amount of fanmail and gifts he get on a weekly basis is comparable to an idol *ahem*.

- bops his head and does a little dance to the music as he makes that cappuccino.

- always asks for approval from someone with everything he's made, be it his coworkers or the customers.

- Makes his own personalised drink with extra shots of espresso. Why did you think he’s so energetic and hyper in the first place?

yeosang

- SHY boi.

- he'd keep quiet as he takes the order, but he'll remember how they like it down to the smallest details if they become regular customers.

- on special occasions, he's use his drone son to bring the orders to the customers who record the entire thing and make it viral.

- adored by the elderly, for being such a sweet and polite boy.

- but don't be fooled by that gentle smile, cz he knows THE TEA around the coffeeshop and he juuust might use it against you one day.

- lowkey makes the best coffee out of the rest of the members

san

- has that charm level dialed to an eleven when he gets to work.

- he’d make witty jokes that would brighten anyone’s day, that’s why they keep coming back for more.

- like yunho, he gets a TON of gifts from loyal “customers” - more like fans, really

- only slightly manipulative when it comes to ordering; he’d encourage them to buy a snack to go along with their drink or add an extra shot of espresso, just trivial stuff to add revenue but it actually works like, everytime.

- in return, he’d go the extra mile to write notes catered to each customer - be it motivational words, comforting ones or just well wishes - onto pieces of paper with their orders.

- hangs out with yunho during breaks and things get chaotic REAL QUICK.

mingi

- upon first impression, customers would be hesitant ordering with him, but immediately become pleasantly surprised as he listens with soft engaging eyes and considerate nods towards them.

- sometimes forgets the order and has to ask anyone near him if they remember it.

- like hongjoong, he gets a mini heart attack when a customer complains about getting the wrong order. The difference is his deep voice does 98% of the work for him so the issue gets resolved quickly.

- has a sorta weird, mutual connection with babies who are carried by their guardians. They just love interacting with him.

- easily tired by the end of his shift.

- but sees the reward of it the most as well cz he’s a passionate tol bean

wooyoung

- makes the ladies melt every.single.time

- they’d even forget what they were ordering because of how cute he is

- the clumsiest barista, and yet he gets the least shit for it

- very playful in the workplace, likes to nudge his coworkers just for shits and giggles

- the only one willing to put up with yunho and san’s chaotic antics and sometimes even helps clean up the mess afterwards.

- winks at people just to see their reaction, some were weirded out but most of the time they were absolutely charmed

jongho

- the only actually responsible barista on the job

- makes the customers laugh by repeating their orders in song

- just sings in general; during his shifts, out of his shifts, upside, downside-

- he fixes broken equipment and brings in the heavy sacks of beans from the inventory

- always practicing on tricks to impress everyone

- sorry but him in a black tee with the apron uniform? a concept

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umbralogia · 6 years ago

Text

Any story can be happy if you end it at the right moment :o) please enjoy this fic where magnus goes to ask maryse for her blessing so he can propose to alec

(read on ao3)

It had been heartbreaking to hear Alec so upset over the phone. He had kept his voice low and soft, most likely making the call from his office. He told her about the night before, about his attempt to propose to Magnus and how it had ended with heartbreak.

“Magnus said he had something he had to talk to you about, could you just… ask him how he really is? He’s shut me down every time I’ve tried to ask. He insists he’s fine, but--” Alec cut himself off, a trait that Maryse had passed onto her eldest son. She wanted him to go on, but knew better than to push him to do so.

She mixed in a little more cream with her coffee than usual. “I’ll do what I can, Alec, but you have to be more receptive to how Magnus might be feeling. He loves you with all his heart, and this is a lot for him.” She felt silly for not realizing that Alec had come to her to ask for the ring because he wanted to propose literally the next day. Maryse had been a fool to think her son would wait for a better time.

Alec was more than a bull in a China shop. He was an unstoppable freight train headed straight down the tracks, incapable of avoiding or preventing whatever stood in his path.

He exhaled softly, not strong enough to be a sigh. “I know, I’m trying, it’s just… it’s hard. He only talks to me when he’s already upset, and he doesn’t let me in enough to help him.”

“All you can do is be there for him, sweetheart, remind him that he has someone in his corner, that he’s not alone. Don’t make him feel like he’s lost more than his magic.” She thought of how all of her new freetime had helped her, how she had taken the opportunity to finally enjoy New York for what it was, how she had let herself date Lucian even when her gut instinct told her the opposite.

Alec was quiet for a moment, either too caught up in Institute work or thinking over what she had just said. She hoped for his sake that he was taking into account the few pieces of advice she could truly give him. “Thanks, mom.”

“No problem, sweetheart.”

“Magnus said he’ll stop by sometime this afternoon. I have a few meetings with the Clave because of Heavenly Fire.” He had told her some about what had gone down, and he had insisted that she didn’t worry, but she did. She had gnawed her fingernails to nubs as he had recounted all of what Isabelle and her vampire friend had done.

She spent the rest of her time working through the inventory that she had started. Maryse had yet to find a lot of things in Elliot’s little antique bookstore-- an inventory, keys to the back room, any sort of marks for wards or protective spells. She knew that they were still in place, she could feel the cool breeze of the wards when she walked up the stairs to the apartment spaces that were now hers, and sometimes in the back room where she had found a box of book repair supplies.

She had just finished rebinding a book of old French folktales when she heard the bells ring against the door. Maryse left the room to the store, finding Magnus standing there with a box in his hands.

“Magnus!” She smiled and walked over to meet him as he set the box on the table.

“Maryse, you’re looking as beautiful as ever.”

Her eyes were focused on the box, on the gold and flowery things poking out the top of it. “What is this?” She said with a small laugh, pulling out a large, heavy gold bookend.

“Some decor, I thought I’d help you a little with your store.” He smiled kindly and looked to the table that he had set the box on. “It looks like you’re doing some reorganizing.”

Maryse pulled out a bouquet of flowers, colorful and bright against the dark lighting of the shop. “These are beautiful.” She smelled them, fresh cut and sweet. “I’ll get these some water. Make yourself at home.”

She took the flowers upstairs with her, into the small apartment space above that she had started using as an office. It held a few things from home-- a handful of scarves, a jacket, some extra glasses, and a vase from the flowers that Lucian had given her to celebrate her purchase of the shop.

Carefully, Maryse filled the vase with water and recut the ends of the flowers to place them inside of it, then walked back downstairs.

Magnus already had a book in his hands and it took him a moment to realize that she had returned. He smiled. “You have quite the collection.”

Maryse laughed tiredly, “I’ve been trying to inventory them, but I can only work through the English, French, and German texts.”

He sighed, setting the book down. “Elliot had an obsession with German. He used to say that it was the only language for higher thought.” Magnus relaxed a little and Maryse was sure that it had to do with the familiarity of the store.

“Were you and Elliot friends?”

“Elliot wanted to be rivals.” Magnus explained, picking up another book and flipping through a few pages of it. “He turned to the Clave, harbored Circle members, hid their documents and correspondence.”

Maryse settled into her seat and rested her head on her hands. “You were High Warlock, why didn’t you have him exiled?”

He smiled a little, reminiscing. “Jocelyn and Dot convinced me that Elliot was a double agent, that he needed to stay in the City. Now that I’ve seen the Clave’s safe, I'm not so sure they were right.”

She turned to look at the safe that she had worked with Lucian to crack. “It had information about the Morning Star sword.”

Magnus looked a little intrigued by that.

“I do, however, need your help with these, if you’ll provide it.” She motioned to the books in front of her, scattered all over the table, some in piles, some not.

He smiled, “Of course.”

“Any language, or?” Maryse stood and moved to the side of the table to look through the piles that she had somewhat arranged on her own. “I’ve got everything from Armenian to Russian.”

Magnus looked at the piles, “I can translate anything, but Armenian.” He smiled and accepted the first book she placed into his hand, along with a notebook and pen.

She settled back into her own seat with her own notebook and pen. “I’ve been making note of the title, the author, a publishing date if there is one, the language, and what it’s about if I can figure it out.” Maryse looked at her own notes which had started off neat and slowly turned into a mess of shorthand and quick scribbles. “Anything you want is yours to keep.”

“That’s very generous of you.” He clicked his pen a few times and started to write, his beautiful cursive carefully filling lines with information about the spellbook in front of him.

Maryse had to focus on her own work, on the book that was sitting in front of her, written in Latin. She had figured out that the book was about early love potions and incantations, small superstitious things that didn’t seem like true magic. She jotted it down in her notes and moved onto the next book.

They worked in silent for a few moments until Maryse couldn’t stop herself from pestering Magnus again. It was strange being able to spend so much time with a man she had heard so much about. Magnus had always been on the other end of something-- either her Clave duties, the other end of a phone call, or in the conversations she had with Alec.

She knew that Alec hadn’t proposed yet, that Magnus was struggling with life as a mundane. Maryse couldn’t really imagine what he was going through. Losing her runes had been like losing and limb, but for Magnus to lose his magic? Something so intimate and personal, something so unique to him that it couldn’t be shared; she knew that it was losing a type of identity she had never experienced.

“I know that Alec asked you to do this.” He said after a few more moments of silence. “I appreciate that you haven’t asked me how I'm doing.”

Maryse’s heart broke a little, hearing Magnus suddenly sound so dejected. “I know, on some level at least, how hard it is, and I know that working helps. If you want to talk about it, I’m here for you, but I’m not going to ask you to tell me what I want to hear because Alec wants to hear it.”

Magnus’s breathing hitched a little as he exhaled. “Does it ever go away?” He looked up from the pages in front of him to meet her eyes. “The feeling that it’s gone?”

“There will be times when you forget entirely that you had another life, and sometimes remembering will make it all seem so far and distant, like a dream.” Maryse answered. She thought about how different it was, to lose her runes, Robert, the Institute, all at the same time. It had been like having her feet taken out from underneath her, only to find her own ground.

He seemed to relax with her answer, the tension in his shoulders eased and his fingers went back to the book in front of him. “I hope I adapt to feel more like that.” He placed the book off to the side and picked up another, flipped a few pages and put it in front of himself. “Right now, it feels like all of the air has been sucked out of the world.”

Maryse let herself relax, too. She hadn’t realized just how much tension she had been carrying in her own shoulders. “I know that feeling goes away. You have to let yourself mourn. You can’t hold in that hurt; let yourself be angry, let yourself cry and be upset, because if you hold that in, it’s only going to make getting better so much harder.”

Magnus’s spirits lifted a little, a small smile on his face. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” She turned back to her work, turned a page of one of the books in front of her. “Can I ask you a silly question?”

“Sure.”

“Was it you or Dot who had the relationship with Mark Twain?”

The hours went by quickly.

Maryse made tea, Magnus filled her afternoon with anecdotes about life in cities and countries she had never heard of with people she could have never imagined. They laughed, sometimes until they cried, chatting away through everything they could think of while working through a selection of Elliot’s old books.

“I know you know French and Isabelle knows Spanish, but Alec has never told me what languages he speaks. Is he the only non-bilingual Lightwood?” Magnus asked, his teacup in hand.

She rolled her eyes at the question. “Alec and Isabelle are both trilingual. I grew up speaking French at home and Robert grew up speaking Spanish. Izzy always took after her father. Jace knows French. Alec and Jace used to get in trouble for speaking French in front of their teachers, Izzy only wanted to communicate in Spanish, so when Alec stopped speaking both languages, they were forced to follow his lead.”

Magnus smirked a little at that. “I’ll have to use that sometime.”

Maryse snickered. “Don’t get me in trouble, please.” She begged, sipping her tea.

He shook his head and closed the book in front of him. “Do you mind if I keep this one? It’s an old Spanish herb book. I have a friend who would probably like it.”

“No problem, and let your friend know they’re welcome to the family and friends discount.

Magnus tensed a little, “Speaking of family and friends, I have something I’ve been meaning to ask you. I didn’t just come here because Alec wanted me to.”

Maryse sat up a little. “Yes?”

“I… I want your blessing. I want to ask Alexander to marry me.”

Her heart hit the bones of her ribs hard. She couldn’t find the words to speak, only a smile on her face.

“I know it’s soon, and sudden, but… Alec has been there for me like no one else and I don’t know what I would do without him. I’ve never… I’ve never loved anyone this way in all four hundred years of my life.” Magnus set down his tea. “If I had another four hundred years, or even four hundred thousand years, I’d want to spend them all with him.”

Maryse blinked through her tears. “Magnus, oh my god, of course you have my blessing.” She dabbed at her eyes with her fingertips. “You’ve had it ever since you stopped Alec’s first wedding. You’ll have a wedding to plan now, and if anyone interrupts, they can take it up with me.”

He laughed, tears of his own in his eyes. “Of course.”

“I expect it to be the biggest party New York has seen-- the party of the century.”

He laughed and took a sip of the tea she had placed in front of him. “Small wedding, but the engagement…” Magnus turned away to look at the floor, stunned by something. The mug slipped through his fingers and crashed against the floor, sending little glass shards all over the original tile.

“Magnus?” Maryse was already on her feet, she placed a hand on his arm, hoping to bring him back to the present.

He blinked twice and breathed in. “Sorry.”

“Are you okay?”

Magnus remained quiet for a second longer, his breathing still slow, eyes unfocused on the floor. “I… just… it feels like,” he stopped, his fingers curled into a fist and relaxed again, just as Maryse was going to reach for her phone and call Alec. He looked up and relaxed slightly.

“Sorry, I think it’s best I head home.” He shook his head a little, standing from his chair. His foot stepped down on a shard of glass, crunching it underneath. He stepped back, “I’m so sorry.” He brushed his hand over the glass shards in front of him before he pulled on his jacket.

Maryse let go of Magnus’s arm and looked down to avoid the shard of glass around them before she went to find some napkins to mop the spilled tea, only there was no glass to be found. She frowned and looked under the end of the table.

Magnus’s teacup sat there, in one piece.

She picked it up, tea inside of it still warm, and handed it to him wordlessly.

He held it, his eyes wide, looking at the tea in his hand. “I… I need my phone.” His hands were beginning to shake, tears flooded his eyes and before he could even realize he was crying, he was looking through the pages and books they had tried to sort through.

Maryse wanted to do something, to hold him? She wasn’t sure. Her hands went to the piles and started to sift through them.

Magnus laughed, rubbing his tears and smeared eyeliner on his face. “I don’t have to.” He murmured, and he straightened, snapped his fingers, and the device appeared in his hand. “I have to go call Alec, thank you, Maryse, thank you so much.” He said, as though she had somehow given him his powers back. “You’ll be the first person to know about the engagement party.” He said through a sniffle, and hurried out of the store, bells banged against the door behind him.

She picked up the book he had forgotten to take with him and placed it apart from the others, her hands shaking with the absolute miracle that had taken place before her. Maryse blinked away her own tears and turned out the lights of the store before calling Lucian.

#shfanficnexus #shadowhunters #malec #magnus bane #maryse lightwood #alec lightwood #mine #nothing hurts we're all fine this is all fine

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elzariel · 6 years ago

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Karma Fairy

This will be a LONG one, like, short novel long, but its been a long gig and I need to tell the world of this mess, hoping this'll pay my debt back to the karma fairy for letting justice rain on this.

The cast: Me MOS (manager on site) CB (cheeky bugger) HAH (horny asshole)

TLDR; HAH acts like he's the pro and brags to everyone, before talking shit about coworkers behind their back to other coworkers and boss, then doesn't do his job, expects boss not to find out he's skipping work, doesn't turn to work and when boss wants to ask him what the fuck, doesn't even answer his phone. HAH is in for a surprise when MOS will never hire him again and probably will cut ties with him all together, as he now knows what a shit person HAH is.

Background info: I'v been with this company for half a year now, but have recently moved from another town. My old boss offered to introduce me to the manager at the new town and said they could easily get me more work there. I agree that I'd love to keep working for them, as I'v been cleaning for years on several smaller companies, but its never ended happily. Turns out cleaning as a profession is a swamp of bad customers and crap employers. Who knew. All in all, this company has been nothing but nice and I love working for them. The two managers I'v worked for were stellar gents, I trust them and will bend backwards to keep the customer happy for these people. My current boss at the company, is a friendly, no nonsense guy. I'v met him like, twice before I got to the worksite, but he seemed to get along well with my old boss, so I trust this guy. A little scatterbrained and bad at choosing workers, but we all make mistakes. Also kinda crap at making inventory on what needs to be done when etc. but its okay, he has a whole town's cleaning jobs to run for a fairly big company.

My new manager, MOS, asks if I want to do a short gig, since they don't have anything stable to give me yet. I agree, as I want work asap. This would also raise my experience and give me kudos in the company for accepting short notice work, since MOS called me a day before the gig starts. (turns out nobody else wanted to do it except me and CB) Gig is at an office type building, to clean before the new tenants move in. Space has been cleaned after the last tenant left, but they want us to deep clean the space, since new tenant has had problems with in-door air quality at their last place, meaning they're gonna be absolutely anal about new place being clean. MOS makes it clear to all three of us working there, me, CB and HAH that this is IMPORTANT. The dust HAS to be gone. From EVERYWHERE. There is no slacking at this job. This is one of those gigs where it has to be spotless or we'll have to just re-do it until it is.

On day one, I meet my work buddies for this gig. CB, darker skinned immigrant worker, speaks fairly ok english and a understandable version of the language of the land. Does the jobs given to him, or so we thought. Not a bad dude, just has a shit ton of work on his plate, including another cleaning company next to ours, this raises tension with him and MOS. HAH, dude says he's a veteran of the field. Has been cleaning "forever". Keeps mentioning how he's a pro at window washing and seems oddly fixated on windows, as if he thinks this is his only job here. MOS said he hired this guy because HAH didn't have work atm. Never said that HAH would only be doing windows. From that day on, HAH would constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY, keep talking how the windows will only take him a day to do, including the outside. How this job, that has been scheduled for 70 hours or in other words 5 days, will only take us like two, so we can take it slow and laze around. (Of course not when MOS is around, but he openly talks about going slow with me and CB. Even bitches at me for doing the bathrooms "too fast" as we'll "run out of work" if I don't slow down.) When HAH wasn't boasting about how fast this'll be, he is talking about sex. Not kidding. This man spent 80% of the time his mouth was moving talking about fucking, dicks, vags, railing women and the sort. Now I ain't a prude, but damn son, reel it in a little. He's 49, going through a divorce, with kids my age (29) and it seems like he has no other topics besides being a fast worker and how many women he's banged. CB humors him, but I only answer with curt, short comments. I'm not interested. I'm here to work, not boost someone's ego. We get trouble almost immediately. HAH starts on indoors glass surfaces, while me and CB start trying to figure out how the heck we're supposed to clean the windows that are second story high, we have our own saga with fighting a scaffolding set that's not only badly installed, but at the wrong spot, trying to get it moved, trying to have CB not die falling from cleaning on this thing, etc. It is not fun, its driving MOS insane trying to get the guys responsible for the scaffolding to help us. It goes on for most of the time we're there. In the end, all higher windows have to be cleaned with a seriously dodgy ladder.

Trouble starts on the third last day. Its monday. I come in to find nobody there. Okay, I assume CB has been working too much again and can't come in today, or will be late. Its a trend, but I'm like, its okay. We're almost done anyways. On Friday, HAH left super SUPER early, saying he's done all he needs and we'll do the windows outside on monday when it gets warmer. I shrug, almost tell him to fuck off since he's done jack shit all week, even though he was supposed to help us with EVERYTHING, not just windows, but let him leave because its his fault when MOS comes by later that day and he gets in trouble. MOS got annoyed as fuck when he did come by, but said I could leave early too since we're almost done. (or were we, dun dun duu)

At around lunch on monday, I call MOS to ask about the bathrooms in the foyer, if they belong to the office space and if I should clean them too. Here's the convo: "Yeah those are part of the office too." "Hey I wanted to ask, where is everybody? I'm alone here and we aren't nearly done." "Oh uhh.. Yeah HAH was there this morning, but since the usual electricians didn't show up before 9am, he waited outside the door for an hour and left, without calling me to get someone to open the door." "What?! He left???" "Yeah I don't think I'm hiring this guy again after this. Old friend or not. He's getting all kinds of cocky.." "Well, yeah, he left super early on friday too, saying how he'd finish the outside windows on monday but I guess thats tomorrow then?" MOS apologizes and tells me he's gonna come by in a few to do inventory on what needs to be done and check up a bit on what has been done. We're going to have a check-up with the customer on tuesday around noon, so we'll know what the customer wants re-done by wednesday. MOS shows up in about half an hour, I tell him the list of stuff that needs doing, at this point its mostly the floors, one bathroom needs a quick dust-up since its been in use. We walk around and spot some dusty window frames. MOS looks suspicious af and starts touching ALL the window frames indoors. There's dust everywhere. HAH was supposed to wipe these as he cleaned them, turns out he didn't. While we're doing that, we spot a few ventilation vents that need to be vacuumed, nothing major. Some walls are scuffed and we comment on how that could use a touch up. All in all it looks ok. Rest of monday is spent with CB, who shows up late, getting upper surface dusting done and me finishing small stuff like the bathrooms and some of the walls. By the end of day, I'v seen MOS outside with window cleaning stuff finishing the outside windows. I'm starting to suspect he is so done with HAH at this point. This is tuesday. I come in fairly early, as I can only work for 3 hours that day. In between that tuesday and the first day there, I'v gotten a small bank job from CB to do three times a week + I'm doing holiday leave for a bigger job in town, cutting my available hours to 3 at the office space. This means I'm there for 3 hours, finishing up dusting high up surfaces, when I walk past where MOS and HAH are talking in a room. HAH is making snide comments on how he's surprised (me) can use the floor cleaning equipment. I listen in, take a deep breath, and walk away. Not worth it. I don't have the energy to explain to this jackass I have a damn degree, that has 40% of it concentrated on machine usage and maintenance. I can use any and all equipment a cleaning job needs, be it floor cleaners, polishers, watervacuums or those mini-zambonis. Client shows up around noon. MOS is busy walking the premises with them and I immediately realize there's trouble. The client(s) turn out to be a group of people, with various faces and job titles. MOS looks horrified about 5 minutes in and it just gets worse from there. HAH has done a shit job. Like, major shit job. CB did some of the windows high up, but since he's clearly never been actually taught how to do it, he did it in whatever way that felt logical to him. HAH was supposed to spot clean after CB, but this combo just turned into a mess where ALL indoors window frames had to now be re-dusted with a wet cloth. Yes. All of them. 1000m2 of space, re-dusted. That's 10 763,9 sq ft for americans. HAH had the balls to walk past me re-dusting with "I did that when I cleaned the windows you don't have to do that" which I curtly responded to with "No, the customer literally just said everything has to be re-done." This caused HAH to start doing the SAME THING I WAS DOING. We now had TWO people dusting these window frames, like idiots, while the customer is there. I was so very VERY close to throwing my rag at this guy, telling him to fucking find something useful to do, instead of passive-aggressively following me. I was already doing the job, what on earth! On top of this, the customer found dust. But refused to tell us where he found the dust from. MOS is flabbergasted. How does hiding where it is help us clean? We have no idea, we went through the whole location trying to find this mystery dust treasure trove. Got some hits, cleaned those. MOS is defeated and deflated, he is tired and done after the customer(s) leave. Turns out we have to re-do most light-fixtures, some windows needed a re-wipe, the floors are still not done. I leave on tuesday early, with HAH still shit talking to MOS, now insulting CB's work ethic and results openly, getting more and more racist by the minute. I exit before I have to hear what he has to say about my cleaning. So its wednesday now. Its technically our last day there and everything has to be perfect, finished and spotless before anyone can go home. What does HAH do? Leave early. I come in around 9:30, by 10:00 HAH is gathering his gear talking about how there's only the floor to clean and we should be done. CB is coming later to help right, you'll be fine on your own with 1000m2 flooring to clean! (again, 10 763,9 sq ft) Apparently only some of the offices floors need cleaning, mostly what is needed is two front offices, the big entrance room, a hallway and the foyer. All this time HAH is talking, he is clearly talking about using the small floor cleaning machine we have there. He even points at it, making sure I know how to use it etc. Before he leaves, I ask him to help me move all our equipment, scattered around the office, to the main lobby room and clean up a little. I'm thinking, he can at least do THAT, right?? No. No he cannot. He brings maybe third of the equipment to the lobby, helps with none of the trash, and just poofs into thin air. I'm like, ok, I'm fine with this. I start by checking that everything is ok, spot clean some walls, then start on the floor. I use the little machine we have. At the lesser used end of the hallway it works fine. It looks clean etc. But by the time I'm at the lobby end of the hallway, I'm seeing streaks on the floor. This is a trend that continues through the two offices and the foyer. After I'm done with the lobby/main entrance room, I realize this isn't gonna fly. The floor is super streaky and I can't figure out what is going on. I'm technically done now, all the floors are ran through once with the cleaning machine, but I just don't feel right leaving without asking MOS about the floor, if there's something to do, if I can leave etc. I text MOS if I can leave, I'm done with everything, I think, etc. Ask about the streaking. Then I start my lunch. I know he's at a meeting so getting an answer might take time and I'm in no hurry, as I have no other work on wednesdays, I can stay here however long that is needed. I don't hear anything in 45 minutes and decide fuck it, I'll call him. MOS answers instantly, laughing how he was just about to call. We laugh about telepathy and here's the convo: "So are the electricians gone? They were supposed to finish today right? Are you guys alone?" "What? No, I'm alone. There's two electricians here with me, they seem pissed too, I guess nobody is in time here." "Wait what? You're alone? Where's HAH??? Didn't CB show up??" "Uhh no?" "What in the actual fuck!? What happened???" "HAH was here until about 10am but he left, said everything was done, he had nothing to do so he'd be off" "What the fuck does he mean Nothing to do?? The floors are- are the floors done?" "Well see, there's this weird streaking problem.. I don't want to leave before you ok me to leave, since this doesn't look clean to me, tbh" "Give me 20 minutes. I'll be there. I'll give you a ride home later." "I'm in no hurry, I have no other work for today" MOS shows up in exactly 20 minutes. "The polishing machine hasn't done a very good job has it.." "What polishing machine?" "Huh? You haven't used the polishing machine on the lobby yet?" "No??? I wasn't told that was to be done. All HAH told me was to use the small machine and we'd be done?" "No, we need to use the polishin machine on the lobby, foyer and probably the hallway too, looking at the streaking, the shit's stained too deep for the small machine to penetrate it. Fucking HAH! What the hell does he think he's doing!? Why the hell did we bring the polishing machine and watervacuum here if its not used! Idiots!" At this point MOS starts cursing and I realize its finally dawned on him how much work there still is to do, and its just me and him now. MOS calls around trying to reach anyone to help, CB can't come he's already used his hours today, again. (Turns out he isn't even doing his jobs at the other places he cleans well, he has been lazying around wasting time and not following customer wishes/demands for a while, MOS tells me I might be getting stable work sooner than later, as it seems CB is gonna get booted too if his shitty work quality continues) Its now about 1pm and MOS asks me, looking desperate, if I'm okay helping him for the afternoon and for the next day as well. I agree, saying I'd gladly take the cash and how this vexes me too. The floor looks terrible + I want to look as good as possible to MOS now that I know both CB and HAH have screwed over their graces royally. We take a couple hours to use the smaller machine again the offices, but with the Good Stuff used with the polishing machine, resulting in clean floors. While I'm doing the offices, MOS starts on the lobby, with the Good Stuff + the polisher. GS is a very smelly, acidic chemical meant to strip wax off flooring, so its serious stuff, but also proceeds to get this grimy, black substance to come out the plastic flooring, making us realize some poor fucker waxed this floor, thinking it'd help (spoiler it didn't, don't wax plastic flooring) and that was causing the streaking, as the smaller machine can't strip wax but it can streak it. Thing is, when you use the polishing machine, you literally throw water and cleaning agent on the floor, run it over with the polisher then use the watervacuum to remove the dirty water. Its a two person job or it takes forever, since you cannot let the detergent and water dry, or you have to re-do everything. There was NO way I could have done this alone in a sensible time! HAH either knew this and was a cruel shit head or didn't know and wasn't the pro he said he was. By the time its 3pm, we have the lobby half done and the offices finished. The next day would be the hallway and the rest of the lobby. Before we leave, MOS tries to call HAH to ask him what the fuck is up, but doesn't get an answer. I tell MOS not to bother, HAH knows he's in shit so won't answer. MOS drives me home and on the way he expresses his regret in letting HAH in on the job, saying how if he knew what a bastard HAH'd be, MOS would never have hired HAH. MOS also tells me how HAH spent the whole tuesday shit talking CB and my work, how if HAH was alone he'd finished in 2 days. TWO DAYS. MOS says that was the point where he stopped listening and decided this man was beyond help. This is also when I heard MOS talk about how CB's other locations have been complaining a lot, saying how CB would leave equipment everywhere, would not clean the whole time he was supposed to be cleaning, would not show up at work etc. Got pretty much told I could have free pick when CB was fired later this year on his locations. MOS also mentioned how he was going to find out if there was anything he could do about HAH's pay, since he hadn't been at work or if he had been at work hadn't actually worked. I told MOS some pretty exact times when I knew HAH was working, meaning HAH couldn't bullshit his hours to MOS saying he'd worked when he hadn't.

Sadly, I didn’t go on thursday after all, as I realized I had a medical appointment I thought was on friday but was on thursday instead, so I have no other ending to this, except the knowledge that HAH will never work for MOS again.

I apologize for the HUGE wall of text, but it was a wild week and by the end of it, I could literally see karma fairy when I closed my eyes. I just wish I could be a fly on the wall when HAH realizes what a shit show this gig was and how its gonna affect his work prospects with this company.

Epilogue: Also, as a sidenote, yeah, this whole thing was a mess from the customer perspective too. By the time we got to wednesday, the electricians weren't done, they were supposed to have been done DAYS before we were to be done. There was new renovations that needed to be done showing up constantly. Several smaller jobs hadn't been done etc. I feel bad for the new tenants, who were supposed to move in on FRIDAY, with walls to be painted and crap still MIA. So its almost as if the picky customer got karma'd too. They were so hellbent on having the cleaning done perfectly, that the renovations weren't done anywhere near in time, meaning the nice clean floors and bathrooms? Now dirty again from reno guys using them for a good two days after we finished. And as we have picture evidence of our work, they can't come back saying we didn't clean. We did our job and their reno guys fucked our work up, not our problem.

#long-post #karma is a bitch #worktrouble #customer service woes

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vamprawr · 3 years ago

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my tames so far of my first Real Run

feris, tek parasaur, the lookout for piranhas and icthyornis (the bastards)

eclair, pegomastax, who tamed themself and just wanders around

sweden, dodo, and his wife chicken tongue with their beautiful children spingle and the triplets tic tac and toe

soupsop, tek stegosaurus, the ultimate piranha killer

wesley, pteranodon, leader of the recon missions to reclaim my dead body from whatever dumb way i just died

lieutenant j, argentavis, watches me die stupidly yet remains loyal also an absolute death machine

jenny-48, therizinosaur, an expert at encumbering herself by destroying every tree in a 15 foot radius in the middle of a fight

ringo, beezlbufo, olympic athlete and bug consumer

budduy, diplodocus, survived a mass sudden extinction (long story) and the most innocent creature

a couple lystros i forget the names of who just do little backflips (10/10)

the achatina i kidnapped and havent been able to tame yet bc i dont have the ingredients for veggie cake

socaca, phiomia, local pooping pig

chaliceon and her girlfriend who i currently forget the name of, raptors, who honestly dont do anything

notorius, carnotorus, loudest footsteps on earth and i tamed for literally no reason

WWE, dodo, who i left by my first base and havent retrieved yet but is still alive somehow

dodgeball, doedicurus, loves filling their inventory with rocks until they can barely move

kitty, thlyacoleo, who i messed up taming like 4 different ways yet still gained like 30 levels and i would literally die for

lady, tek parasaur, she doesnt do anything (girlboss)

thats almost everyone maybe honestly i am not the best at remembering

(edit heres more)

cotton, direwolf, whos honestly just vibing since theyve only been around for like 5 mins

bocky ralboa, ankylosaurus, bad at aiming but absolutely destroys metal deposits

pam and weenie, tek parasaurs, who are basically twins

demos, parasaur, who has alerted me like 3 times total

d'egg, oviraptor, who i only tamed so demos wouldnt keep alarming me about him even though he wasnt doing anything

silas, sarcosuchus, who just went upstream and i havent seen in (in-game) days

fizzy pop, yutyrannus, an expert at sleeping just like me fr!

honorable mention to the pulmunoscorpius and terror bird i tamed at the same time as bocky but died on the way home bc an alpha raptor came out of nowhere and murked them (i only had 1 cryopod at that point and they were both decent levels so... yeah)

#ark survival evolved #just posting this for myself in the future ig

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xaz-fr · 7 years ago

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The Story So Far

@griminal-rising @deadpool-scar-bro @hikayelastoria @cornsnoot-fr @redlion-fr @mushroomdraggo @tales-around-sornieth (let me know if you’d like to be added to the lore pinglist)

dragons are humanoid unless said otherwise

like my writing? Consider buying me a coffee

Idk. I didn’t really have a point with this. I just wanted some dragon interactions, especially with some of my new dragons. And also that like... going back and forth between forms isn’t something done quickly but Amun’s just a stubborn idiot who refuses to make his life easy by staying humi.

A Dull Ache

Jessabelle liked having an employee. It meant she could do other things instead of constantly have to watch the front of the shop. Like do inventory and put in orders with traveling traders or, her favorite, make bargains with said traders. Most of the regulars knew of her and any new traders were aware of the wiley swamp-bound skydancer. She was just glad they had things other clans thought were valuable. Since the Hall had expanded there was now actual products to sell on a fairly regular basis. Dodge was also a model employee. Was respectful, quiet, and knew how to talk the trader talk. That and he wasn’t intimidated by anyone. Not even Shi and Jessabelle didn’t like to admit even she was a bit intimidated by Shi. She left him in charge of the front of the shop while she was going over her ledger.

“Jessa!” she looked up when Dodge called her name.

“What?” she called back, not ready to get up from her desk quite yet.

“There’s a scavenger here looking for you-

Jessabelle jumped out of her chair and was through the curtain that separated her home from the shop before Dodge had even finished speaking. “Amun!” she sort of hated herself for being happy to see the Wildclaw. He was covered in dirt, his hide and feathers more than a bit smeared with dried mud and his normally shimmering wings were dull from a fine layer of dust over them.

“Jessabelle,” he said in short greeting and eyed Dodge as she came around the counter. “Who’s that?” His crest was a bit pulled back.

She stepped on one of his slowly extending big claws and gave him a look. “That’s my new employee, Dodge,” she said.

“Employee?” he gave her a confused look.

“It’s getting busier around here. The Hall’s getting bigger,” she said.

“Ma’am, who is this?” Dodge asked, eyeing Amun with equal distrust as Amun was him.

“This is Amun, he’s an associate of mine. He goes out and raids Second Age ruins and brings back interesting things… or garbage,” she gave Amun a look. He just shrugged non commitedly.

“Ah,” Dodge wasn’t so suspicious now.

“Where were you?” she asked Amun.

“Wastes, came north through Expanse coast. New volcano off the coast of the Wastes,” and he started unloading his bags and satchels and containers onto the counter.

“Hey, watch the dirt. You’re making a mess,” Dodge said. Amun ignored him.

“A new volcano?” Jessabelle asked him. Amun nodded. “You look into it?” He shook his head as he pulled a large, metal, ring out from a bag much too small to contain it and set it on the counter. “Why not?”

“Looked bad. Lots of fighting. Too much Fire,” he upended the rest of the bag and several large, uncut, pieces of gemstone fell out. “Great Furnace slow working,” he took another bag and started taking iron rods out of it. “Iron supply low, Lightning clans are buying whatever they can. Could only get this much.”

“How much is it?” Jessabelle asked.

“Fifty pounds?” Amun wasn’t sure himself.

“You put fifty pounds of iron in that bag? How?” Dodge demanded.

Amun looked at Dodge and then turned away from him. Dodge’s wings fanned out angrily but Amun was ignoring him. “Couldn’t get any copper. Lightning clans buy too much.”

“Silver? Gold?” she asked.

“Hmmm,” he took another bag and dumped it onto the counter. “Ore,” he said as dark rocks rolled out onto the wooden counter.

“Amun, we live in a swamp. What are we going to do with ore?” she demanded. Amun just shrugged. “You didn’t bring me something stupid like gravel again did you?”

“It had diamonds in it,” was his only reply.

“Yeah, and I had to pick them out by hand!”

“This,” he didn’t respond to her annoyance and reached into a pocket on his vest. “Found in ruins between Wastes and Expanse.”

“Oh,” she took the pretty thing. It was a ruby carved into the shape of a rose. Then she narrowed her eyes a little, “Did you bring it for me?”

“Two,” he took out another one. This one was bigger and she felt a bit slighted. She didn’t know why. She knew she just did this to herself.

“Oh, well that’s something,” he put the rose back into the pocket. “That it?” she asked.

“Mmmm,” he patted down his bags and pouches while Dodge looked at all the stuff he’d dumped onto the counter miserably. “Hmm,” he found a bag that wasn’t empty and carefully took the items out. It was a bunch of raw crystal of various colors.

“What are these?” Dodge asked.

“Fire crystal,” Amun said. “Er- made from fire, crystals. Not Fire crystals,” he elaborated and Jessabelle had never heard him elaborate on anything. He looked back at Jessabelle, “That’s it,” he said.

“Well, alright,” she looked at what Amun had brought. It wasn’t an insignificant amount of stuff. A bunch of trash like usual: Rocks, twigs, branches, scraps of fabric, cracked or broken pottery and glassware. But there was some good stuff too at least. “Dodge, I want you to catalog everything, sort it, and put it away,” she said.

“All this crap?” Dodge groaned.

“Yes. That’s why I pay you,” she said nicely but not too nicely.

Dodge sighed, “Yes ma’am.”

“When you’re done you can close up the shop and go.”

“Really?” he perked up at that.

“Yes,” she said.

“Okay,” he seemed more cheerful about that.

“As for you,” she rounded on Amun who was scratching some dried mud off his haunch, realized Jessabelle was looking at him and looked more than a little sheepish about being caught. “You’re filthy, come with me,” and she grabbed his claw and led him into the back house. Dodge watched them out of the corner of his eye but otherwise didn’t comment.

“Jessabelle-

“You can stand to spend some time here first,” she scolded him gently when Amun tried to weasel his way out of it.

Amun sighed a little. “Fine.”

“It wouldn’t kill you to take somewhat good care of yourself. Look at you, you’re filthy.”

“I was outside,” he huffed.

“So?”

“In the mud and stuff.”

Jessabelle stopped, “Amun,” she said slowly. “We live. In a swamp,” she reminded him. He just sighed but didn’t argue with her. “Go put your things down, I’ll start a bath,” she said and shooed him off to the other room. His wings slumped a little but he went. She heard him starting to take all his crap off in a clatter of metal, stone, and bags. She went to another room where there was a tub. She filled it and filled a smaller basin as well with a faucet connected to a water purifier. It was newish. She was glad that the Hall was getting larger, wealthier. They could afford things like this now.

She looked over her shoulder when he stepped into the room. He was still covered in mud and dirt but was without his effects. “Come here,” she beckoned to him. He did as he was told and she turned off the faucet so it didn’t overflow and grabbed a rather large rag, dunked it in the basin water and went about taking off the worst of the dirt and dried mud he’d accumulated. She knew it was a bit more difficult for him to get his back haunches and his back, Wildclaws weren’t flexible like Skydancers were, say nothing to the fact that their front claws were shorter. Not that you should ever mention the fact that a Wildclaw’s front limbs were too short. That was a good way to get maimed. He started making that content noise in his throat as she cleaned got all the gross dirt off him. “Okay, I think you can get in without making the water filthy immediately,” she said, standing back to admire both her handiwork and how good Amun looked.

A Wildclaw clambering into a tub of water was about as graceful as it sounded but Jessabelle didn’t let that ruin her enjoyment of it. Amun flopped down so just the top of his head and wings were above water, just enough to keep barely his nostrils in the open air. “You look silly,” she told him. His crest just flapped as if to so, ‘no I don’t’. “Like one of our hatchlings when I make them take a bath,” she said. Amun looked away from her. What? Did she not like reminding him? Well too bad. He had to live with his choices

“But you aren’t so I assume you don’t need my help to get clean, hmm?” she asked him. She handed him a different rag and a large bar of soap.

“You were doing a good job earlier,” he lifted his head out of the water just enough to talk.

“Yeah, but would you appreciate it?” she asked. Again he looked away. “That’s what I thought,” she tried not to be suddenly hateful. Why was he like this? She left the soap and rag on the side of the tub and left him in the bath. She went and checked on Dodge and found him finishing up. She left him there and went back to her ledger book.

She looked up when Amun came out of the bathroom, not quite dripping but his velvet and feathers were glistening. He scratched at his crest and went into the bedroom where he’d left his things. She was a fool but followed after him. “You’re all wet,” she huffed as she was in time to see him flop down in her bed.

“Stop complaining,” he said and yawned.

“It’s my bed, I will if I want.”

“Funny, I seem to be the only one in it,” he said.

Jessabelle didn’t take the bait. She went over and took his head in both her hands. “This is my house,” she said in a soft voice, “and you’re getting my bed damp.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” he said with such casualness Jessabelle felt her face heat up a little. He butted his snout against her chin cutely.

“No,” she shoved his fat head away. “Last time you did that I was sore for a week,” she folded her arms.

“Yeah but it was fun,” his lips parted in a Wildclaw smile.

“For you.”

“Nah, you had fun too,” Amun said. She wasn’t about to deny it twice. She just kept her arms folded moodily. He butted his nose against her chin again.

She put her hand on the top of his head and pushed it down. “If you want to have fun change forms,” she said.

He sighed dramatically and slouched across the bed. “But that takes so long,” he complained.

“Well it wouldn’t if you just stuck to one that works,” she said.

“I can carry more in my birth form,” he complained.

“What are you? My son? I don’t care,” she put her hands on her hips. “Dry off before you start so you don’t keep my bed all damp,” she added and gave his wings a bit of a push.

Grumbling Amun did get up and used a dry towel to dry himself off. Jessabelle helped and he kept trying to be cute and bump her chin or shoulder but she wasn’t falling for it. She already fell for him plenty but this she was putting her foot down about. Once he was dry he flopped back down on the bed and laid out on it with a sigh. She knew it had started when his leg jerked and he winced. She sat on the bed next to him and put her hand on his neck. He sighed again and closed his eyes. “I’ll be right here,” she said. Wincing he shifted a bit to put his head on her lap and she gently cradled his head and rubbed the top of his head and eye ridges comfortingly. “You just to this to yourself, always insisting on changing back,” she said, not quite scolding.

“Not helping, Jessabelle,” he grunted as his wings shuttered and she heard his jaw click as he ground his teeth. She looked at him sympathetically, knowing it was pain but she wasn’t wrong either. If he just stayed humi he wouldn’t have to do this all the time.

She called a box over from her nightstand with magic and opened it when it came into her hand. Inside were gears and a cylinder with bumps on it that would tink against a series of thin, tuned, pieces of metal when wound. She turned the knob, winding it up. It started spinning and playing a little melody. She set the box gently down on the floor. Amun shuttered again and she ran her fingers through his crest as the music box played which was enough the drown out his whimpering.

#flight rising #fr lore #fr lore share #lore share #cypress hall

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alisvanity · 5 years ago

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theworstbob · 8 years ago

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yellin’ at songs: 5.5.2007 & 5.6.2017

the songs that debuted on the billboard chart this week and this week ten years ago

5.5.2007

41) "Big Girls Don't Cry," Fergie

This is the second Fergie song I actually enjoyed once I was able to separate it from the whole thing that Fergie was, which means we're one away from this being a trend and the funding of a Song-From-Artist Extraction Chamber becoming necessary. If this song had been given to Pink, it might be a classic. If it had been given to noted YAS hero Jordan Pruitt, I could say it was a buried treasure, but because we gave it to Fergie, I have to defend the fact I sort of dug this song. I don't use the term "guilty pleasure" because why on earth should I feel guilty for finding pleasure, but it IS weird to sit here on a Sunday morning and enjoy a Fergie song and have to formulate a defense for it. I dunno, "I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket" is a kind of touching lyric. If we'd given it to someone who could actually say words (all these years I thought she was saying "a child miss a step blanket"), we'd be more fond of it.

63) "A Different World," Bucky Covnington

THINGS THAT ARE GOOD, AS TOLD BY BUCKY COVINGTON'S 2007 SMASH HIT "A DIFFERENT WORLD:" ~Expecting mothers smoking and drinking ~Babies sleeping in cribs painted with lead-based paint ~Child abuse ~Being an adult person named Bucky ~Kids not making the football team, their carefree days ending at the realization that life is a long parade of disappointments (a parade which includes parades) ~Drinking from garden hoses, and I agree that it would be nice if clean water were readily available, but this seems less like something that millennials made happen with video games and more a problem with various local governments? Specifically Flint’s? Flint still doesn’t have clean water, and I understand there’s no way this ten-year-old song could possibly know this, but this line is making me angry today! ~Schools being closed on Sunday (which... they... still... are?) Bucky Covington sings this song about how "we," which I would imagine includes Bucky Covington, grew up without video games. Bucky Covington was born in 1977. Pong dropped in 1972. This entire song is garbage. Speaking of garbage: you remember when we didn’t have to sort recyclables from the trash? It was a simpler time. A BETTER time, daresay. We didn't die, so, it wasn't bad.

80) "Party Like a Rockstar," Shop Boyz

This song is the real America. Big, dumb, loud, and proud of all its excess. One example cited of partying like a rock star is golfing with Ozzy Osbourne and his family. This is the only recorded instance of anyone thinking golf was a party.

88) "Lucky Man," Montgomery Gentry

/looks at this country dude song /looks at the country dude song two songs ago /looks at the five country dude songs still to come /looks at "Lucky Man," the j-pop song by arashi The Arashi boys are back in town! Sho once again stakes his claim as 2007's greatest living MC, and the funky track imbues the song with a boundless energy only the Arashi boys bring to the table! Another A+! Have they ever done wrong?

90) "When You're Gone," Avril Lavigne

My favorite part of this song was the 15 seconds of "Freedom," by Beyonce ft./Kendrick Lamar, that played in the Apple ad before the actual song started. This is a song that's bad no matter who you give it to. It's just schlock, and then they went ahead and made everything so... Extra? This song is extra. Avril is belting the absolute best that she can and goodness she is trying her heart out, yet she's still somehow drowned out by the strings. There is nothing subtle about this song. I don't know what the notes process is like for records, but someone in the studio should've given this song a note that said "calm the hell down."

93) "Don't Make Me," Blake Shelton

Blake Shelton has been a country music institution for something like 15 years, he's probably its most visible artist in the mainstream world, and I cannot for the life of me tell you what the most iconic Blake Shelton song is. He has 23 #1 country hits. Is there any one you can point to and say, "That is the best Blake Shelton song?" Is the best Blake Shelton song something country music fans argue like we might over Mariah Carey's catalogue? Is it even worth arguing? I dunno. Blake Shelton is sort of the Drake of country music. He just does the same shit over and over again, but people really dig the same thing over and over again, so they keep listening, but there's no one moment we can point to and say, "Only Blake Shelton could have made that happen." I don't feel like it's expecting too much to expect iconic pop artists to make iconic songs. "Some Beach" kinda goes, I guess. That's not enough! Fuck's sake, even Luke Bryan has "All My Friends Say."

94) "A Feelin' Like That," Gary Allan

This dude says his girlfriend's more beautiful than the Great Barrier Reef, and I am so thrilled that there is something in one of these country dude songs I could enjoy. That's how it's DONE, man. Hyperbole is your friend when you're making a song about some non-specific feeling a woman gives you. Is this the song Flight of the Conchords is parodying when they sing "If You're Into It?" Absolutely, but goddamnit, if someone told me I gave them a more intense emotional rush than one of the great natural wonders of this earth, I'd fuck 'em.

95) "Wrapped," George Strait

yeah i guess i liked this. you give me the lyrics to this song and four other country songs with the word "wrapped" in it, i'm not sure i could pick it out, but, y'know, it killed a few minutes in a manner that wasn't unpleasant. i wouldn't say "yecch" if someone performed this at a karaoke. i might say "interesting choice," i might not believe this is the song their heart has felt the most, but i wouldn't say no.

97) "Johnny Cash," Jason Aldean

The thing about this song is the same thing I had with that "Marvin Gaye" trash from a couple years back: if you're going to name your song after an iconic artist, you have to give me reason to believe that there is more value to be gained from your tribute than there is from just listening to one of that artist's songs. In a sense, the song you offer me with that title has to be on par with the best entries in their catalogue. I don't know why I would listen to a song about a young couple listening to Johnny Cash when there are hundreds of actual Johnny Cash recordings out there that all punch this song in its stupid face. I don't think this is an unreasonable expectation. If you're naming your song after a legend, your song should be legendary. This is the fifth-best country dude song I've heard in the last hour, and all told, it's probably gonna end up #6. That makes it bullshit.

98) "Me and God," Josh Turner

I'm not really qualified to address Christian music. It's easy to call out when something is pandering, like that Florida Georgia Line mess 2017 dredged up a few weeks back, but a song like this, where a young man is earnestly singing about his relationship with God, that's so far away from my alley, I'm not 100% sure we're even in the same tri-county area. I recognize that this song isn't made for people like me, and it'd be unfair to make fun because it's, y'know, not trying to sell itself to me, it's just trying to say, "God's my buddy!" Do you. Doesn't sound like you're using it to hurt anyone, so do you, Josh.

99) "Dig," Incubus

Given how horribly Papa Roach's whole thing has aged compared to Incubus' whole thing -- i THINK we all still like "Drive," and "Anna Molly" goes hard as hell -- I really wish I liked that one Papa Roach song less than this Incubus song, but man, this Incubus song and I never really met. ...Yeah, you’re right, you didn’t come here to read me seriously contemplating my buttrock feelings, I’ll stop there. Video’s cool. I like the heart-lip girl digging the dude out of his head, that was dope. You sure you don’t wanna read my buttrock power rankings? You sure you don’t wanna take inventory of my buttrock feelings? I have a lot of opinions on this genre! I think you’re really missin’ out! Ah, we’ll catch up on ‘em later, lotta 2007 still to come, I’ll hit you up with that buttrock good-good when it’s time to talk about Finger Eleven.

Well. 2007 Top 20. It’s the same as last week’s. 20) "Que Hiciste," by Jennifer Lopez (4.28.2007) 19) "When I See U," by Fantasia (4.21.2007) 18) "Movin' On," by Elliott Yamin (3.17.2007) 17) "U + Ur Hand," by P!nk (1.13.2007) 16) "Doe Boy Fresh," by Three 6 Mafia ft./Chamillionaire (1.20.2007) 15) "Breath," by Breaking Benjamin (4.14.2007) 14) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 13) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 12) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 11) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 10) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 9) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 8) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 7) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 6) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 5) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 4) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 3) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) Alright, 2017. 2007 gave me seven country dude songs, and you will have at least one cut off DAMN. If anyone can fuck this up, it’s you. I’m excited.

5.6.2017

4) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar 14) "LOYALTY." by Kendrick Lamar ft./Rihanna 16) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar 18) "LOVE." by Kendrick Lamar ft./Zacari 32) "YAH." by Kendrick Lamar 33) "XXX." by Kendrick Lamar ft./U2 35) "FEEL." by Kendrick Lamar 37) "PRIDE." by Kendrick Lamar 42) "LUST." by Kendrick Lamar 50) "FEAR." by Kendrick Lamar 54) "BLOOD." by Kendrick Lamar 58) "GOD." by Kendrick Lamar 63) "DUCKWORTH." by Kendrick Lamar

DAMN. is a classic record that has grown on me in the week and a half I have spent with it, which is amazing given that my relatively lukewarm first impression was that it was a classic, and I have no qualms with any of these songs making the list. I do have some reservations about songs that are never going to make it to radio (whatever that means in 2017) making my personal Top 20, but at the same time, I can say I've only liked three songs in the field more than I liked "ELEMENT." Even "HUMBLE." has grown on me, now that I've heard it in the context of the album (and that beat, I mean hell). These are all Very Good Songs and like I'm not gonna put all of them in the Top 20? but hmm I wonder which I like more, every song off DAMN. or any Lady Antebellum song. Tough choice.

39) "The Cure," by Lady Gaga

I pretty much dig this song for what it is, a nice kinda-EDM-y kinda-'80s-y synth jam, but I'm disappointed that this sounds like A Good Song and not A Gaga Song. It's fine! I accept this, it's a treat and I enjoyed all three minutes, but if I had first heard this song being covered on The Voice or something, there's no way in hell I would've pegged this as a Gaga song. Like, this is the safest song I've ever heard bearing her name. It's a nice song, though. Aside from the complaints just registered, I will register no complaints.

76) "Good Life," by G-Eazy & Kehlani

"I bought the crib and it's in escrow now." Is this like an elaborate I'm Still Here satire/prank of the concept of a white rapper? He talked about closing escrow on a home. Who the fuck. This song is what happens when Drake and Rihanna cancel and you have to grab two people off the street to impersonate them and hope they're good enough mimics that no one can tell the difference.

78) "Peek a Boo," by Lil Yachty ft./Migos

YOU KNOW HOW YOU MAKE THIS SONG INSTANTLY A THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES BETTER WITHOUT LOSING ANYTHING? "Give her the shocker like Pikachu." YOU WERE SO FUCKING CLOSE. "Give her the shocker like Pikachu." LIKE THREE DRAFTS AWAY IF YOU GAVE THIS SONG FIVE MINUTES TO BREATHE BEFORE SCHLEPPIN' IT TO THE BOOTH, YOU COULD HAVE HAD "GIVE HER THE SHOCKER LIKE PIKACHU." I think this song is fine? I dunno, I like the noise Yachty is making behind this song, it's a quality noise. Not bad! Not, y'know, good, and it's actually a failure when you realize how close it was to being amazing GIVE HER THE SHOCKER LIKE PIKACHU. YOU RHYME PEEKABOO WITH PIKACHU AT THE END OF THE SONG. WE WERE SO CLOSE TO ACHIEVING THE PERFECT SONG. Y'all fucked up. I can't believe you kids failed me like this!, but other than the fact it’s a profound disappointment it’s a’ight.

87) "Black Spiderman," by Logic ft./Damian Lemar Hudson

OK. OK, I think, after two songs, I understand what Logic is: he's the most accessible rapper for someone who just listened to Hamilton for the first time and wants to start checking out real hip-hop. Because if you go straight from Hamilton to Danny Brown, man, you're gonna get the bends, y'all ain't ready for "Ain't It Funny" at all, that is a rough 180 to try to navigate, you gotta hit this dude up first. It's a positive song with little to no misogynistic language, but still hard enough that it might put off some people who were initially into the nice man who did raps about the $10 man. If you can listen to this and still want to go deeper, then you listen to Chance, then Tribe or The Roots, and then you're ready for Kendrick. It's rap for people who don't listen to rap, is what I'm trying to say. It's its own fun little thing, but this song is what it sounds like when your biggest worry in life is about a dog you saw on the internet which was in a stressful situation. Hope the dog can make it! It looks so worried, poor puppers!

93) "Broken Halos," by Chris Stapleton

It's country Kendrick! And it's country "HUMBLE." in that I'm not immediately sure how much I dig it, but I know I dig it way more than I dug all the shit I had to listen to Sunday morning for this stupid post. Chris Stapleton got big making traditional country music, and I think it might be because he got big doing this that now this feels like paint-by-numbers Stapleton. Sad gravel man growling over an acoustic guitar some lazy religious metaphor, I dunno, it kicks most other country songs' ass, but I would honestly argue "Craving You" is a riskier move than this song. I think I might revisit this and Gaga's songs in a few weeks and realize I liked them way more than I initially did and I was just being a Tuesday evening grumplord for no reason, but this is the opinion of record, is that this song is just standard-issue Chris Stapleton but Chris Stapleton being a thing whcih comes standard-issue is more good than bad.

99) "The Night We Met," by Lord Huron

It's the last song of the week, and it's a haunting indie song from the Netflix teen mystery drama. Looks like I'm clockin' out early, boys and girls! Sorry! Ain't got nothin' for ya here! This song's pretty dope! GOODBYEEEEEEEEEEEE!

The Top 20, where we dumped “The Heart Part 4″ a little bit because I felt it was appropriate: 20) "The Cure," by Lady Gaga (5.6) 19) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 18) "Heatstroke," by Calvin Harris ft./Young Thug, Pharrell Williams & Ariana Grande (4.22) 17) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4) 16) "You Look Good," by Lady Antebellum (4.22) 15) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15) 14) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 13) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 12) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 11) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 10) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 9) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 8) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 7) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 6) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 5) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 4) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 3) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 2) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 1) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) Hey, “Despacito” made the top ten in Kendrick week! That’s an insane accomplishment! I see it carries an “+ Justin Bieber” credit, now! There is no reconsideration of “Despacito” forthcoming. I choose to only acknowledge “Despacito” in its original form.

Who won?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm a kendrick album or a bunch of dudes in cowboy hats. 2017, y’all brought a gun to a knife fight. where the hell was this last week. 2007: 3 2017: 3 So next week, we get new Paramore (probably) stacked up against Josh Groban with a children’s choir. I’m liking 2017′s odds at a repeat. Come on, friend! 2007′s taking a few weeks off, it looks like, NOW’S YOUR CHANCE!

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