#//bc yes i have thought of Varren in The Hobbit

[xynchronicity]

Swap for varren. Bilbo Baggins

send “SWAP!” + a character name to see what would happen if my muse took their place in the story. || Accepting

I’ve thought of this for Varren before. However, I had them just kind plop into the story rather than take over anyone’s role. However, this....hmm. Well, we both know how powerful Varren is and can just pull a Wandavision where they take the place of Bilbo for whatever reason they want.

Y’all in for a long post >:3c

So, let’s just quickly go through some bullet points because this story would CHANGE with Varren being Main Protag.

Major events that change: Anytime the company is captured, the entirety of the mirkwood portion of the journey, the final battle, and Smaug.

Also, Varren both intuitively understands any and all languages but also can speak them when they see the written language or hears it spoken once in their presence. So, they’d learn the language of the dwarves, Khuzdul, the moment one of the dwarves curses or otherwise speaks to one another in their native tongue because “they’re an outsider, they wouldn’t understand it”...little do they know that Varren, in fact, does understand intuitively...but also now speaks the language. Thanks for helping Varren broaden their spoken languages.

They never actually speak Khuzdul until like the final battle. Which causes mixed reactions because they PROTECT their language and for someone to just speak it and they just KNOW that no one taught Varren to speak it. Sus. Varren very sus.

But y’know not really the best time to question where or how they learned the language when there’s a battle going on...I mean you could but like...really?

Also, the entirety of Mirkwood....the sickness that has befallen it and basically takes over their minds when they enter it after awhile? Has no affect on Varren. It alters people’s minds and Varren has the Mind Stone but also telepathy & telekinesis powers...ain’t nothing taking over their mind.

Also means the ring? The One Ring To Rule Them All?? Doesn’t affect Varren either. Quite the helpful tool to become invisible! Doesn’t lead them to madness nor to obsess over it. Strong willed. The ring will never return to it’s original owner lmao

[Insert Simpson meme of “I just think it’s pretty neat”]

Now you might be asking how they came to have the ring in their possession.

Because I said so. No, I’m kidding. They’re separated from the company similarly to how Bilbo is when in the goblin kingdom(?).

Bullied poor Gollum with riddles and answers to riddles. Not even to like hide that they took the ring and to like get free ‘safely’ or anything. Just straight up bullied him because they could. But also riddles are fun? Makes you think of things in ways you normally don’t think of in such ways.

During the company’s...’stay’ in Mirkwood with Thranduil....while Varren could use the ring and just hide. But like that’s not any fun. Also, Varren’s heard a lot about Thranduil at this point and wants to meet him. Words would be exchanged. Mostly unfriendly words but it’s okay. What’s the worst he could do? Lock them away forever? Varren who is able to teleport to any place they have previously been or otherwise have a visual aid to get there (someone’s memories or a photo)...so oh no they’ve teleported to the outside of their cell...oh no...now they’ve found the keys to the other cells...oh look the dwarves are freed...oh no.

Tbh I liked the barrel scene so that’s gonna stay as what happens after they’re freed from the cells.

Kili still gets hit with poison arrow v.v

But he gets help sooner

During the short battle with Azog on the cliffside while everything was burning. Varren is both baffled and amazed that Thorin goes to fight him. Like, not the most ideal place to fight but like more power to ya?

Does call him an idiot (lovingly) after the fact. Also heals his wounds (if he allows it the stubborn idiot smh).

OH when they finally get to the mountain and the dwarves like think they’re too late and shit.... Varren just stands there baffled because “y’all don’t see it???” They have true sight...so they just SEE the keyhole. Does remember for a moment that “oh right they can’t see what I do..” so they just take the key and place it in the keyhole like some goddamn seer that sees all...which tbf isn’t off... But like they had enough of the dwarves just like feeling like they’ll never get their home back. You will. Varren will make sure of it. >:c

Which leads into the part of Bilbo going in to steal the King’s Jewel from underneath Smaug’s nose.

Varren upon entering the mountain and just seeing a lot of gold just sighs bc “sure a thief is used to being light on their feet but this...this is asking a lot.”

Just floats around to find it

Sure they still make noise by using their telekinesis to move gold, jewels and whatever else is there just to find the item Thorin has requested. But like it’s...less noise. Sort of.

It does eventually wake Smaug up bc...its like a branch tapping at your window because it’s windy...eventually it’s gonna wake you up and you’re gonna likely be upset that something stupid like that woke you up.

Though what Smaug was expecting when he woke up was not....floating person. He expected an adventurer, a thief, really anything else. Cause flying people aren’t...normal. There’s being that fly, sure, but never....a human. At least not unless they’re tossed and this is not that.

Varren pays little mind to him at first because “sorry important business, mister dragon sir”

“The audacity????” - Smaug probably

“I have dealt with world ending pain in the asses. A dragon is child’s play.” - Varren internally while they just hyperfocus on finding this damn stone

Smaug mentions it and that gets their attention but y’know Smaug’s ramble about “I’m almost tempted to allow you to take it. Watch it corrupt Thorin” etc etc etc.

Though upon hearing ‘corrupt’ Varren is like “oh yeah there does seem to be a jewel that resonates that type of energy. thanks” and grabs it, promptly drops it bc the energy it holds just washes over them, picks it up with their telekinesis bc “aint touching that again, no thank you.” However, they hide it away in their little pocket dimension for safer keeping bc....Varren has no actual pockets to keep stuff safe in v.v

Cue angry dragon and the chaos that ensues.

Dwarves hear this and just kind of “hmm should we check on them?” some are like “nah they’ve done some ridiculous things, they’ll be fine”.

Cue Varren just appearing outside, “So I woke up the dragon.”

Then the usual dwarves fighting Smaug within the mountain happens

Though when Smaug goes after Laketown...uhh he’s not alone. Varren’s behind him and actually angry now bc innocents are being involved now. This is between the dwarves and Smaug not Smaug, the dwarves and Laketown.

That can end one of two ways. Smaug dying by the hands of Varren...or possibly trying to ally him to them. The latter of which is more unlikely to happen but I like the thought of it.

During the final battle, the line of Durin survives rather than dies.

It’s possible that Varren becomes an ally of the dwarves or a friend of them. At least the Company’s ally and friend.

They’re also super like not into giving the King’s Jewel to Thorin bc they’ve felt the corruption it causes. Though even without it he’s succumb to it. Which is not ideal.

That’s ideally where I see Varren using Khuzdul to get through to him...but also it’s not the most ideal time to do so. Already sees them as a thief...which isn’t untrue here but like still hurts, y’know? So them speaking the dwarven language without ever being formally taught it or anything is....well just big sus in his mind so further forcing them away.

Varren would leave the company and does give the jewel as a bargaining chip to Thranduil and Bard. Mostly Bard.

The same scene where Thorin demands Bilbo be thrown over the ramparts plays but y’know with Varren bc Thorin angy. Doesn’t work out though because Varren just teleports out of his grasp, down near Bard and Thranduil bc clearly things are out of control now.

After the final battle, they’re entirely unsure of what to do now.

Could kick start the events of Lord of The Rings but that’s likely not ideal. I mean, truthfully, Varren is the best person to have the ring because it cannot influence them...but also it just existing isn’t ideal either. This does take some stress off of Gandalf though because he doesn’t have to worry about his friend being corrupted by it.

Though....LoTRs changes entirely since...Bilbo hasn't gone on the Quest so has no reason to leave his home...so Frodo also doesn’t go on the Fellowship so.... Sam, Pippin and Mary have no real reason to join the quest because...Frodo doesn’t.

I think I’m done here...