#//Suddenly it says I can’t do and the new blog vanishes with all my progress jdnfn

[novasintheroom]

Ooooo a fresh blog! Heyo there! So, my first request is some head canons, if you write them anyway, for the each of the turtles having a s/o who is usually the purest of beans. Like— she doesn’t get angry, usually shy when meeting new people, very humble, sweet and caring— but for the first time she does it’s like she realizes she’s frustrated and mad about something that happened during the day and it’s the first time she’s expressing it. the turtles notice her come in knowing something is off about her behavior when she’s usually so cheerful. Almost like “Sometimes it just makes me so— it makes me so... so...! Angry!” But she actually gets super surprised with herself realizing she’s actually venting just to say she’s fine in the end after bottling up for so long. The turtles just looking at her and asking if she’s okay 😂 If that makes any sense.. sorry if it doesn’t.

Oooooo my first ask!! I’m so nervous and excited! I think I got the gist of what you’re getting at. Thanks for sending this in, it means a lot to me! <3

Leo

·         Honestly caught off guard when you come in steaming

·         Your calm and sweetness is something he loves and looks forward to – it’s hard being the firm leader in his family when everyone pushes back, so you’re a pleasant break from the arguments and sassy remarks

·         Not today

·         It’s loud in the lair – Raph and Mikey are doing something with a basketball and hula hoop that’s got Raph raging and Mikey screaming, Donnie’s got a power tool going on the truck, and Splinter’s Celine Dion music is blaring to drown it all out while he works on pruning his plants

·         Leo’s up in the concrete rafters with a book, glancing down every other minute to make sure Raph doesn’t kill Mikey

·         He would have completely missed you coming in if Mikey hadn’t thrown the ball toward the entrance

·         You dodge the ball before it hits you, but instead of laughing it off like usual, you throw a dark look at his brothers and beeline toward the dojo.

·         Woah, that’s weird

·         Avoidance of his family = big red flag

·         You didn’t even say hi to him??

·         Hops down and follows, waving off Mikey’s calls to you

·         Finds you in the corner of the dojo, bag thrown to the side and hands smoothing out the sand of his small zen garden

·         Feels a bit awkward honestly

·         Listen, he’s getting better at it, but he’s not the best at feelings

·         Especially girl feelings

·         He knows something’s up though, and he wouldn’t be a good beau if he just let you simmer

·         Spooks you when he asks if you’re okay

·         Darn those ninja skills, how is someone as big as him so silent?

·         You sigh and just say you had a fight with your roommate and that it’s fine, you just needed some quiet before you went to his family

·         Okay, coolcoolcool. He can work with this. He and Raph fight all the time! “What was the fight about?”

·         Cue explosion

·         “She doesn’t pay her part of the bills on time, and she has her boyfriend over constantly and I can hear them through the walls when they’re screwing because the stupid cheap apartment has stupid cheap thin walls, and she leaves her dishes everywhere even when I ask her to not be a slob, and the landlord is getting after me for her rent when– “

·         W o w

·         He didn’t think you knew any swear words, but the names you’re calling your roommate would make even Raph blush

·         Your rant goes on and on

·         Anytime he tries to suggest a solution you get angry at him like why can’t he just listen omg

·         He shuts up quick

·         Somewhere in the process he sat down and your head moved to his lap while you laid all your problems out

·         By the time you’re finished your chest is heaving and it’s been an hour

·         Leo’s scared to say something in case you go off again lmao

·         He just plays with your hair and hums while you calm down

·         Finally you look at him with wide eyes, “Wow, geez, I didn’t think I was that mad.”

·         He can’t help but laugh, “Me neither.”

·         Your smile is back, though, and that’s the best thing he’s seen all day

·         “You feeling better now?”

·         You say yes, and give him a good hug and kiss as thanks for his patience

·         He asks you to come to him if things start building up again

·         Seriously, start talking to him – I don’t think the poor guy can handle another explosion like that lol

 Raph

·         Raph knows anger

·         Does he know how to deal with it? Ehhh that’s hit-and-miss

·         But he knows it

·         So seeing your tense shoulders, clenched fists, grinding teeth when you walk in – he knows you’re angry

·         It’s a bit off-putting tbh – you’re the calm to his rage, the quiet touch to wind him down when something gets under his skin

·         What happened to make his quiet girl so mad?

·         Did someone say something about your family?

·         Or something about your outfit?

·         Did a skeevy guy try to touch you?

·         Did someone try to kiss you?

·         Okay, now he’s getting mad

·         Decides to take a page from Splinter’s book and pulls you aside to talk

·         “What’s the matter?”

·         You pull at your sleeves, looking anywhere but him

·         You just mumble you’re fine, and that you’re hungry and try to move to the kitchen

·         Nuh-uh, that don’t work with him

·         Catches you by the arm and gives you a look, “Somethin’s bothering you, and you’re gonna tell me what it is.”

·         “And what if I don’t wanna talk about it?”

·         “Tough luck.”

·         Your glare could curdle milk, but you don’t say anything

·         Alright, you wanna play it that way? He’s got three brothers he grew up with; he can get it out of you.

·         Hauls you up and tosses you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and takes you to his workout station

·         Ignores your screams of outrage and the beating fists on his shell

·         They’re like little kitten paw pats; he can’t help but smile at how small you really are

·         When he sets you down in front of a world-weary punching bag, he crosses his arms and waits

·         You’re red faced and snarling. “What are you doing?”

·         He raises a fist, and gives the bag a good punch – “That’s for when Mikey backwashed into my water bottle today.” He throws another punch, “And that’s for Donnie’s stupid snorts waking me up last night,” and another, “and now I’m back on Mikey’s backwash!”

·         He stops the bag’s swaying and gestures for you to take a turn

·         Realization dawns in your eyes. You look at your fist and throw a pathetic punch at it. “That’s…for my fifth plant…dying this week?”

·         He almost laughs, but nods encouragement

·         You punch again. “That’s for whoever stole my lunch out of the fridge at work.”

·         And again. “And for those kids who spit on that homeless guy!”

·         And again. “And for Gina’s face when she made fun of my teeth!”

·         Punch after punch, you let out your anger and frustrations that boiled over today

·         Raph’s impressed – not just with how much crap happened to you, but how long you held it in

·         You’re a lot stronger than he gave you credit for

·         He’s also a bit freaked at seeing the rage in your eyes

·         Is that what others see when he comes at them?

·         Yeesh

·         You feel a lot better after the session, if sheepish for letting so much anger show

·         But he brushes it off, “Hey, you see how I am. It don’t bother me none, sweetheart.”

·         He pinches your butt for good measure as you walk back to the lair and laughs when you punch him in the arm

 Donnie

·         The one that takes the longest to realize something’s up

·         He can’t help it! He’s busy making sure his family is safe and hidden! He’s gotta keep the firewall up-to-date from all the new viruses being put out, check the perimeter lasers so that no one sneaks up on them, change the oil in the Turtle Tank, and why is the computer sparking over here, he needs to ask Raph or Leo to come with him to get new parts at the junkyard, but if he –

·         Bumps into you and is like ‘oh. how’d you get in here’

·         Delighted to see you though! It’s like all his worries suddenly vanished when he realized ‘oh yeah! I have a girlfriend!’ and that’s you!

·         Missed you a lot since it’s been a few days since you could visit

·         Starts showing you all of the progress he’s made on certain things, asks you how school’s going, how was that group project you had, did you get that interview for work?

·         It’s your clipped and short answers that finally makes him take a step back and really see how you’re doing

·         You’ve always been enthusiastic about his inventions, even if you don’t completely understand every technical thing he talks about. He thought you guys were past the awkward conversations too.

·         Clipped answers are a big no-no – it makes him shrink inside, like his words and ideas don’t matter

·         Takes a few seconds to look you over – awkward seconds, ones where you look down and away and not at him

·         “Are you alright? Did…something happen?”

·         You take a few deep breaths, trying to calm yourself, but then the words just start pouring out: “I’m sorry, it’s just, I can’t stop thinking about how my supervisors treated me the past few days. They scheduled me to work a triple shift! Without asking me! And I told them I had a date with you, and a million other things to do, but – “

·         You lay it out for him, apologizing every other minute for just putting this on him out of the blue, that you tried really hard to be happy coming to the lair but your boss just text you that you have another shift tonight instead of getting to hang out with Donnie, and –

·         Donnie sits you both down in a couple of chairs, his hands holding your own as you keep talking and venting

·         Rubs circles into your palm, eyes never straying from your own watery and frustrated ones

·         A breath out of the nose is the end to your rant, and you lean to put your head on his shoulder. “I just hate when people spring things on me! I just wanna stay with you and hand you tools to work on stuff.”

·         His heart warms at this, even if he’s sad at how sucky your job is

·         And it gives him an idea

·         He manages to hack into your work’s scheduling system and put your supervisors or fellow employees in your place for the night

·         Even sends out a text masked as your head boss to whoever he put, letting them know they’re on the job and that you had an emergency

·         You’re torn on this – those people had things they had to do too

·         But Donnie reassures you: “If they’re as bad as you say, then getting more people mad at them might just make them change. If not, we at least get to have our date night, right?”

·         Well, when you put it that way…

·         He gets a big, long smooch for pulling it off and for listening to you

Mikey

·         Listen, this boy is intuitive when it comes to emotions.

·         He kinda has to be with the type of older brothers he has lmao

·         Instantly knows something’s up by the sound of your feet coming down the tunnels – heavy, like you want to stomp them but don’t know how

·         He’s geared up though – his baby girl’s coming!

·         Hops off the couch and has the biggest grin for you when you walk in

·         Doesn’t even falter when he sees the glower on your face

·         Says something stupid to test the waters – “Woah, babe, I’m gonna have to call the cops – I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to be as fine as you are!”

·         Not even a smirk.

·         Okay okay. Obvi you’re not in a happy mood.

·         Man, he was hoping for a little blush at least!

·         Takes that heavy bag off your shoulders you’ve been lugging around all day and corrals you back to the couch

·         Grabs some sodas and a few chocolate bars from his hidden stash in the kitchen

·         He knows you need it more than him right now

·         Sits down and calls out to the lair that “we’re making out on the couch!!” Def keeps his family from coming in and interrupting lol

·         Isn’t even phased when you explode about your day – your coworker had it out for you, your professor told the whole class that your paper was what not to do if you wanted a good grade, etc. etc.

·         Mikey accents your day with “No!” and “He didn’t!” and “What a jerk!”

·         It’s cathartic to hear someone agree with you like that

·         He takes you in his arms when the frustrated tears start falling and you start to wind down

·         “It just makes me so angry, and I hate feeling embarrassed and…”

·         Rubs circles on your back to help calm you, just like his family did to him growing up

·         After a minute you’re better, and back to your sweet, happy self, if still a bit stuffy from the tears and snot

·         You’re surprised and apologize for your emotions, but he stops you

·         “Hey, everyone has their bad days! Sometimes you just gotta let it out, y’know?”

·         You give him a big kiss for being so sweet

·         Makes the day a lot better after that with the soda and candy and some video games

·         He’s a good turt <3

[erindatesla]

Flasback Friday: Roach Guy, From Pests to Pal

January 09, 2014

If I'd had a blog in 2011, you would have heard a lot about "Roach Guy" in the last two years. (With some encouragement) I've decided to compile all the posts that would have been. At it's worst it's my greatest diary entry, at it's best it's the foundation for my first book. Either way, brace yourself for too many words.

Message Monday: The Roach Breeder November 2011

I messaged this guy on OKCupid because his profile said he had a collection of small pets and cared for his plants like children (or something). He only posted one picture on his profile and it was from a distance, so I don't even know what he looks like. I know, I'm so brave. His reply:

As it turns out, HE BREEDS ROACHES. It's important for you to know that one time when I saw a roach in the living room I locked myself in my bedroom to cry until my dad showed up to dispose of it. I was 20.

Yet for some reason, his roach breeding doesn't bother me that much. Granted, I will never enter his home so long as he willingly houses these pests, but I'm oddly intrigued by this guy. I've had a busy week so I've been slow to reply and got this message from him:

SHOULD I BE CONCERNED THAT I STILL WANT TO TALK TO HIM??

The good thing is that if I ever date him he already has a nickname among my friends: Roach Guy.

My Date With Roach Guy and His Toe Shoes December 2011

Against all odds (read: the fact that he breeds roaches), I ended up meeting Roach Guy (RG).

We met for dinner at Native Foods in Costa Mesa, since I'm a vegetarian and he is too! (pescetarian, technically). Not really knowing who to look for thanks to his lack of photos, when I first arrived and saw an old man, I feared I was being Catfished! Then I spotted him: bearded, nice smile, casual clothes and those shoes that have a slot for each toe. There's always a catch, right? If roaches weren't enough, he had to be wearing toe shoes??

I'm pretty shallow, so this should be a huge, waiving red flag for me. But I had the best time! His demeanor is calm and friendly, and we had so much to talk about. I found myself wanting to know everything about this human. Eventually we wondered why the restaurant employees were turning off the lights, only to realize it had been 4 hours and we'd shut the place down! Time had escaped us. I could maybe talk to him forever? But like, toe shoes.

"EXCUSE ME, MAY I LIVE ON YOUR DRESSER FOREVER?" - GERALD

Meet Gerald December 2011

I saw Roach Guy again -- we met at a cool spot of his choice in Santa Ana, and when I arrived he gave me an ORIGAMI DINOSAUR that was holding a bouquet of flowers.

Did you read that? An ORIGAMI DINOSAUR. That he made. With his hands. In his spare time. For me. it was holding flowers. HE SIGNED AND DATED THE BOTTOM. Internally I melted and swooned and died twice. Don't worry, externally I played it supes cool.

After dinner we caravanned to the beach to watch something magical take place in the sky or something. It was the night of winter solstice, so we found a spot amid the rocks to talk and gaze. A cop found us and told us the beach closed at 10 ("nature was closed," so to speak) so once he left we relocated to a grassy area nearby, only to be splashed suddenly by sprinklers. RG covered me with the blanket he'd brought and we found dry land. Eventually we made our way down to a lifeguard tower hidden away from the cops and sprinklers. To arrive there we had to go down a dark and quiet street, the kind in horror films where you scream at the girl "DON'T GO HE'S GOING TO MURDER YOU!" But thankfully I had politely asked him not to murder me earlier in the night, and he obliged. In retrospect, it could have been a scene from a rom-com: sitting on a lifeguard tower under the stars, talking, laughing ETC. ETC. ETC. In the moment it never seems as picturesque.

When my friends asked how the night went all I had to say was, "he gave me an origami dinosaur that was holding a bouquet of flowers" and they knew I was smitten.

Roaches Are Tenacious March 2012

They say roaches can live 10 days with their heads cut off. Who is out there testing this theory, I don't know. But apparently they're determined little suckers.

Just like Roach Guy.

Despite the fact that we had a great third date and that he's super sweet (he emailed me "e-soup" when I was sick!), I dropped him like hot potato. At first I told him I was busy, then I stopped replying to a majority of his texts and emails. I KNOW, I'm the worst! However, like a roach isn't phased by nuclear war, RG wasn't phased by my distance. He even asked me to get ice cream on Valentine's Day which provoked several feelings and thoughts: 1) how sweet 2) should I be insulted you think I'm free for Valentine's Day, on Valentine's Day 3) wow you're persistent it has been like six weeks, brah 4) that's really cute I love ice cream should I go.

I didn't go. Instead I continued to be vague and distant. Then he emailed me the most charming little letter you ever did see. I wish it was a love letter and not a "WTF happened, Erin" letter. My favorite sentence:

Although our times together were brief relative to linear time they were rich in substance, and there was a strange effect on the normal progression of time when you were around.

Isn't that the most poetic? I apologized and after some email banter we agreed to be friends in the future. I'm kind of into that idea but refuse to act interested because duh.

I Have A Crush On A Guy Who Once Bred Roaches January 2013

BLAPTICA DUBIA

After two hangouts that were pleasant but nothing to write home about, Roach Guy and I began talking on the phone more often. One day I said, "it's weird we still talk on the phone even though we've only met 5 times." What I meant was that we were essentially strangers, yet I felt really comfortable talking to him at length. He misinterpreted that as "let's hang out," and I didn't correct him.

We were supposed to watch a movie at my apartment, but while he was driving over my friend offered me two free tickets for a Muse concert. I "asked" Roach Guy if that was okay (read: I dictated that we were going to a concert) and he agreed to go. The concert was great, yeah yeah yeah, but what really stands out is how much we LAUGHED. After the concert he was laying stretched out on my living room floor and I was sitting on my couch when I realized I had a crush on him. Well, more than a crush, I like him. After all this time! I try and find all these reasons not to like him such as,

1. he is repulsed by butter, which is my favorite food 2. he sleeps on his floor instead of using his bed 3. he despises authority figures while I'm over here like #respect.

While I would normally mock a guy for the above and blame these differences for a reason to distance myself, in this case it's made me realize that you can't just like piece of a person. When you like someone you like someone, and I like Roach Guy.

One night this month we talked on the phone for four hours. We discovered we could be silent without feeling strange, and we could talk about being silent without feeling strange, without feeling strange. During this conversation we made plans for him to come up and see a movie with me, and he asked if we could call that a date. After an extremely long pause I said sure. He had JUST told me twenty minutes earlier that he didn't want a significant other so that he could explore his path to enlightenment. MEANWHILE I'LL EXPLORE MY PATH TO HEARTBREAK.

The night of our date he put his arm around me during the movie, and afterwards we got pizza and ate it in my living room . He put concerted effort into befriending my ferocious chihuahua, and in no time they were buds, melting my heart once and for all.

QUIZ: ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE March 2013

BOXER JOHN CONTEH DRINKING BEER IN THE SHOWER DECEMBER 1978 (PIC: DM) THEN SO CAN I OKAY??

Like his namesake, Roach Guy has vanished into the dark. When we did speak briefly he said he is seeking introspection. (Introspecting? Is that a word, I don't know.)

He's doing exactly what I did to him when we first met, so I can't get mad, technically, without being a hypocrite.

I'm kind of mad. More like, sad, if anything. Like drink-beer-in-the-shower-while-singing-Rilo-Kiley-at-the-top-of-my-lungs-until-my-friend-shows-up-with-pizza-sad. GURLZ YOU KNOW WHERE I'M AT WUT UP.

This is a totally normal female reaction to a male, and I feel comfortable sharing it on the Internet in light of the fact that it may sound like a diary entry.

As such, I'm creating a quiz that any future dating prospects must complete:

QUIZ: ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE **Graded: PASS or FAIL 1. Are you "emotionally available"? a) yes b) no 2. If you answered "a" above, are you sure? a) yes b) no 3) Do you like butter? a) I fucking love it give me all the butter b) ew Correct answers: 1. a; 2. a 3. a

If you answered "b" to any of the above questions you cannot put your mouth on my mouth even if you're the funniest.

I'm Grateful for the Internet* January 10, 2014

*This isn't really a post about the Internet, per say.

The next time someone asks me my favorite place in the world I'm just going to be honest and say the Internet -- I spend all of my time there these days! Who cares where I am when I can talk to anyone just about anywhere from any of my devices!! In this day and age and decade of my life (#twentysomething), it's hard to meet people, and the Internet makes it easier. #single #nerd #dateme

ROACH GUY LOVES NEW GIRL.

Thinking about my addictive relationship to the Internet and therefore Facebook/Twitter/Blogs/OKCUPID, my mind wanders to Roach Guy. I made a friend on the Internet you guys!! It almost makes filtering through aggressive 46 year old men worth it.

After his introspection, Roach Guy eventually resurfaced from the dark, and though we fizzled out "romantically" many moons ago, we've maintained a friendship that I really appreciate.

Recently he asked how I would write about "Roach Guy" on my blog (he's a big supporter, thanks brah), and I told him I didn't know what exactly I'd write about him. He said I had a good point: there weren't any crazy stories besides his nickname and, "Other than distancing ourselves, which we both did in the same way, it was all just nice casual dates where we laughed and had delicious pizza." My gut reply was "eff you" because old crushes and darkness and emotions, but I took the high road (kind of) because he is my friend and like, #dignity.

Instead I called him out on the vagueness around whether our hangouts were "dates," and eventually he admitted that he'd been too cowardly to tell me he just wanted to be friends (you know, because I didn't catch on when he disappeared for a couple months). He, like most guys, can be clueless. Most likely he doesn't realize (or care) that my crush on him didn't just disappear when he did. Though he admits it was "cowardly" to not tell me his (lack of) feelings sooner, he also said I could have asked.

Well, one time when he left my house after a night "where we laughed and had delicious pizza" I asked if it was a date. He said "let's leave it open to interpretation." I digress, and this recent conversation about his (lack of) feelings for me is certainly not the point of this #FlashbackFriday.

In fact, I'm very much at peace with my friendship with Roach Guy -- I enjoy our texts, SnapChats and quarterly IRL hangouts quite a bit. It has made me realize the importance of BRUTAL HONESTY, OPENING ONES' HEART and COMMUNICATION in relationships - romantic or otherwise. Plus, it taught me a lot about the snap judgements I so often make. What if I'd written him off when he mentioned roaches?? I'd have missed out on an awesome friendship.

On February 2, 2013, RG and I grabbed beers in Long Beach. I'm going to end this with a few quotes from Roach Guy, unattached to each other but all from the same conversation about relationships and the friend zone (god I'm so thankful past Erin kept a journal and wrote down quotes like a stalker):

One day someone will see how kind I am and love me back.

I have so much love to give.

I will always like you and be attracted to you.