#//Still love the fandoms and crafts you create but the motivation has died.

[serpulalacrymans]

i feel like part of me has died. i can't write at all.

everything i write sucks, and i wish i could have the same burst of energy i had before. i have so many ideas in mind, but when i put them into practice they don't have the same shine as i imagined.

i'm stuck in a place mentally, and i thought everything would get better when i finally had some free time. it didn't. i feel trapped, i feel empty, i feel like part of me is mentally dead.

i'm not having fun at all. i'm tired.

- i know you. you know me. you don't have to answer me at all. i just wanted to take some weight off my mind.

Repackaging your way of life can make it more exciting if that's what you're struggling with. Learn new ways to express your hobby. Try different ways to write. Be more poetic. Be more juvenile. Try it out on paper. Try a free site or app for writing. Look up online tutorials and discover new words to use... It won't fix you. But it might help for a little while.

A passion isn't a passion anymore if it feels like a chore. People change. So do their passions. I'm sorry.

[generalexcuse]

Alright. I am beating a dead horse here but taking time off of this show and fandom did not work. This will be the last time I ever say something about it but it’s upsetting to me so I need to vent. And to everyone saying “You are an adult man and this is fiction, why are you so obsessed? Weirdo. Learn to differentiate between fiction and reality.” I am going to address these notions as well as other problems I am having here. But really, Inuyasha was one of my first Anime, I have many dear memories and especially Rin was one of my all time favourite characters. Seeing her being mistreated like this upsets me. Ofc it does because if you watch something in formative years it’s not just fiction like a boring sitcom you watch now. Shows and characters are important to people and to simply dismiss it like that even if they would have been equally upset if it wouldnt have become canon, is infuriating. Really this is just therapeutic for me because even after weeks it’s still so baffling to me. Also please excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes. I am not a native speaker.

So the problem is obviously Sessrin and how it’s done because while I absolutely dont agree with this pairing, it would have been fine if it wasnt like it is. 

In the original show, Rin is an 8 yo child and her entire character reflects just that. She behaves like a child and depends on others. She has also been traumatized, doesnt speak at the beginning of the show and dies twice. Both times she is saved by or because of Sesshomaru. In many ways, while she has survival skills on her own, she depends on his presence alone to keep danger away. He also leaves her with trustworthy humans at the end but stays in her life as a protector. Now I like the original dynamic. It’s sweet, innocent and both characters grow because of it. Rin can work through her traumatic experiences, learns to trust others and Sesshomaru becomes a better person.  What happens afterwards only happens offscreen right until Rin gives birth to his children at the crippling old age of 15. 15. My lil sis is 16 now and couldnt consent to something like that. And she is mature af. It’s ridiculous. My blood boils just typing that shit out. And if you give me the ‘it’s legal in Japan’ excuse. In Germany a 14 yo can be with a 20 yo sexually. Still not okay in societies eyes and on tv it’s never shown as something positive. It’s even explicitly forbidden for authority figures like teachers or protectors to be with their protégé before the age of 18 because the chances of even unintentional grooming are too high. 

Now lets take a quick break and discuss how this kind of relationship usually plays out in other fictional pieces. A minor with an adult is something that is being portrayed at times and I dont have a problem with that. The problem is how it’s being done in Yashahime. And I dont mean the nonexisting character development but the fact that even in adult fiction this type of relationship isnt depicted positively. And this show is for young adults and teens that will exist way after all the discourse as the official sequel to Inuyasha. A cult anime. Meaning that in the future young people will watch it. Just like many still watch Inuyasha to this day. It’s on Netflix for fucks sake. Just to preface what comes next.   Some people say, “But cant you differentiate between reality and fiction?!?!?!” Adults can but younger people havent developed this ability to the same extent.   What happened to Rin was statutory r*pe in the USA, illegal even in Germany and should have been depicted as such unless the showrunners and fandom are okay with watching it without criticism or deconstruction. At best it was done with the intention to please the fanbase but really it’s neglectful to anyother part of the present and future audience. Not even most Animes do that. And I get that Sessriners arent into that shit in real life and an adult show could have gone this route because the viewers understand and add the criticism in their heads. Not ideal but whatever to me. But a YA show to go this route is so wrong on so many levels. The younger viewer who will watch this show in the following years might subconsciously internalize that this is acceptable under certain conditions when it’s not criticized properly on the show. That lowers their alertness when an adult actually starts to groom them. How dense do you have to be to assume that the lack of criticism on this YA show is a good thing?? Not everyone who will ever watch this show is an adult or capable of the same reasoning.

But another thing: for the same reason r*pe isnt depicted in a positive light, these types of relationships arent either. Because it’s not a positive thing and most people and showrunners dont want to see or create it as positive. Even in adult fiction, even in other anime, the media critizes and deconstructs what it’s showing because normally the showmakers dont approve but show it for realisitc or dramatic reasons. the same sessrin storyline would fit a fucking horror or thriller series. Just change the music and show it all. No showmakers in their right mind would go “Aye we got a r*pe scene coming up, lets put romantic music and have a pink filter over it.” “But it’s a different time and culture!” People will say and I agree but to have the audacity to assume that back then it was okay or that in todays Japan it’s okay, is fucked up. Think about it for a second. That’s so fucked up to think. Even if the society back then or in Japan thinks it’s okay, does it make it okay? 15 yo girls werent able to consent to adults and bear their children back then. They had to. They were raised with the expectations and they simply grew up thinking that it was the normal thing. But that doesnt make it right. That’s just societal grooming which did not prepare them in any way or allowed them the human dignity that they would have deserved. To now act like it’s all cool to just show the “positive” aspects or to twist it into something positive is so fucked up. Child Brides are a fucked up concept and to portray it as anything else is fucked up and also undermines the experience many girls still have to make. period.

I heard people say that it’s okay to portray it in this way because “Sesshomaru is not human!!!1″ and that’s correct. He is not. BUT, it’s not about being human but about maturity, consens, and independency. Him being a yokai makes it worse imo because there is an obvious power discrepancy. But in this particular fiction a good relationship could have been established (Kagome and Inuyasha for example) on those foundations but they did not because I can only assume they wanted Sesshomaru to smash and the show to pick up at a point where the other characters arent too old to be cool.

“What’s with Sango and Miroku, Kagome and Inuyasha?? It’s the same!” No it’s not. Rin was 8 at the beginning of the show. Kagome was 15 and Sango was 16-17 when they met their significant others. If you now tell me that you think 8 to be comparable to 15-17, I must ask you to get a reality check. Kagome’s and Sango’s relationships were slowburns starting when they already were able to have sexual and romantical feelings. Rin was a child. And Kagome did not kiss Inuyasha until they knew each other for a long ass period of time and bonded as friends and maybe more. Sesshomaru and Rin never were friends in the same way that Kagome and Inuyasha were because the maturity levels are way off. No adult is friends with a little child in the same way they are friends with their adult friends. And normally you dont grow into such a friendship but in the rare case you do, it’s not when she is 15 but maybe 20 or 25. 

Last but not least, Rin is not a character to the audience the same way Kagome or Sango are. Why? Because she was never shown as an adult or 3 Dimensional character to the audience. We know her as a child who wants to be with her trusted group. She is naive, but tough and doesnt have any motivation or drive on her own outside her group. Like every child she clung to the adults around her and her world outside of this group was nonexisting. Kagome wanted to be successful in school, Sango was a demon hunter and wanted to find her brother. Those are motivations and traits that dont circle around the love interest. Rin never had those because she was not developed to that point. Because she was a child and her entire existence was to develop Sesshomaru and to perhaps give the viewer a character to simply adore. What we see is of her: Mistreated child, -> Dead child -> Child being looked after and healing, -> Child not being homeless anymore -> ????? -> Teenager getting knocked up, pumping out main characters and then getting yeeted into a tree. 

This is not the way you treat a beloved character. There is no dignity to her character. “But she is fictional!!1″ Yes she is. But please show me a show that treats its child characters like this without criticizing it. 

I would have loved to see her grow as her own person. Go on her own adventures or learning a craft or developing meaningful bonds with other characters her age. Forming ideas that dont revolve around Sesshomaru alone. You know her being 3 Dimentional and not just there to pump out main characters. And if she then with 20 or 25 met Sesshomaru again and thought he was the hottest shit, I would have been fine with it. Not happy but fine. But in the little time we saw her as ‘not a child’, she still behaved the way she did before. 

[arofili]

Worldbuilding Exchange Letter 2021

Hello lovely creator, thanks for creating for me in the Worldbuilding Exchange! I’m very excited and grateful for whatever you create for me <3

This letter will restate my DNWs, list my likes, give you a brief rundown of my canon preferences, and then dive into specific prompts for each of my requests.

I’ll warn you upfront that I tend to ramble, so feel free to skip prompts that don’t interest you and/or use ctrl+F to search for whatever it is you want to write for.

My requests are divided by fandom, and in the case of the Silm + Middle-earth Legendarium, by topic too, so hopefully that will be helpful for you! Also, my TAZ request is waaay down at the bottom, so if that’s what you’re here for, just go to the bottom of the page.

Housekeeping:

DNWs:

Non-con

Unrequested dub-con

Abusive/Neglectful parenting (especially wrt Fëanor)

Sibling incest, parent-child incest (cousin pairings are fine)

Unhappy/Unhopeful endings (unless otherwise specified)

Jealousy/Possessiveness

Cheating

Character or ship bashing

Hanahaki/any scenario where unrequited love is physically damaging

Soulmates, especially soulmate AUs (soul bonds are OK, if there is choice involved)

Porn without plot (Porn with plot is fine!)

Food involved in sex

Unrequested Modern AU

Non-trans mpreg

If you’re writing a slash ship where the characters are/were married to/involved with someone outside the ship, please don’t have the character(s) hate their spouse or not have been actually in love with them (the one exception is Finrod; I’m fine with him and Amarië not having been actually in love, but please don’t do this for anyone else, especially not Fëanor)

Hobbit/LOTR-specific DNWs:

The concept of a dwarven “One”

Any Fíli pairing

Alfrid

Legolas or Gimli paired with anyone other than each other

no smut for these fandoms, please

Silm-specific DNWs:

Evil/irredeemable/incel Maeglin

Elwing bashing

Fëanorian bashing

Over the top Fëanorian apologism (they did bad stuff; it was at least partially their fault. you don’t have to address that, necessarily, but don’t rewrite the story to claim they were blameless)

Fingon with a wife

Fingon or Maedhros ships that don’t take Russingon into account (polyamory, an open relationship, Mae with someone after Finno dies or vice versa for an AU, them with other people while they’re separated on the Ice/in Angband - all of these scenarios are fine, but in the end I need them to be with each other first and foremost)

Dark!Maedhros

Elvish re-embodiment after death being an actual, literal rebirth that requires the characters to have a second childhood; I much prefer them being granted a new hröa in their prime (feel free to explore what “in their prime” means, though, especially wrt scarred and disabled elves)

~~~

Likes:

(these might not all apply to worldbuilding, but they might give you a place to start from!)

Gen fic

Found family

Family dynamics

Loving families, even when things get complicated

Friendship, intense/important platonic relationships

Relationships that defy categorization

Queerplatonic relationships

Polyamory

Queer headcanons (especially aromantic-spectrum headcanons)

Trans/nonbinary headcanons (genderbending is also fine, but I prefer trans/nb hcs)

Angst with a happy ending

Gray morality

Explorations of magic

Most tropes

Fanon and fandom tropes

Deconstruction/Inversion of fanon and fandom tropes

Interspecies relationships

Peredhil

Secret relationships

Secret relationships coming to light

Secret kids (especially secret peredhil!)

Giving ships OC kids

OCs interacting with canon characters

Confessions of love

First times

Hurt/comfort

Redemption, forgiveness, mercy

Ironic foreshadowing

Canon divergence AUs/X Lives AUs

Politics and scheming

Resolving conflicting canonical details

Historical/Narrative bias affecting what is and isn’t “canon” (to an extent; changing motivations, consequences, etc is great, but please don’t ignore canon entirely)

Elrond & Elros having complicated relationships with both their bio and adoptive parents

Names fitting the time period (Quenya names in Valinor, please; if this is difficult for you, that’s okay, no pressure, but I do strongly prefer it)

Names having a lot of thought put behind them (does the character go back to their original Quenya name upon rebirth? or do they keep their Sindarin name? or come up with something else entirely? do they hate their new Sindarin name and resent having to use it, or do they embrace it? As long as you put some thought into it, I’m sure I’ll like whatever you decide!)

Author’s notes where you explain your thought process, if you want; I love hearing how the story took shape!

~~~

Preferences re: Canon:

LaCE compliance is always completely optional (except if you’re choosing a prompt that is specifically about LaCE, lol). If you do want to include it, that’s great, but if you just want the characters to fuck without having that be an issue, go for it. I love explorations of LaCE that take into account the exceptions, boundaries, definitions, etc; I also love takes that emphasize that they are Laws and Customs, not biological imperatives.

I’m not picky about my Amrod deaths. He can die at either Losgar or Sirion (or, hell, some other time/place if you make it interesting enough!), whatever works best for the story. I do like Lightly Toasted Amrod, aka he almost burns to death at Losgar but survives/gets rescued at the last minute.

Gil-galad theories are all very fun. Please don’t make him the son of Fingon and a wife; if he’s Fingon’s son, I want Maedhros to be involved at least a little bit (adoption or trans mpreg are both fine in this scenario). Otherwise, I don’t have a particular preference, though if it’s not really relevant I usually default to the son of Orodreth (who is in turn the son of Angrod). Also, I’ve requested “Origins of Gil-galad”; there’s more information on him in that section.

Honestly, when it comes to theories and headcanons, my rule of thumb is “convince me”! I’m down for whatever, for the most part, as long as you can justify it :)

~~~

For all of these, “suggested characters” pulls from the list of characters I requested with that signup, but if you’ve got an idea involving other characters then go for it! And in the end, all characters are just suggestions, this exchange is more about the worldbuilding :)

~~~

The Hobbit (Book)

Adventuring Hobbits Before Bilbo: Who were they? Did they ever come back, or was Bilbo assumed dead because of precedent? Were they all Tooks, or did some other hobbits tag along on adventures, too? Suggested Character(s): Belladonna Took

Dragon Magic & Dragon-hunting: Talk to me about dragons! I’m interested in dragons & dwarves, especially in relation to the first time dwarves were driven from Erebor and into the North and the War of the Dwarves and Dragons. What kinds of dragons set their sights on the mountain? How old was Smaug when all that was happening; did he learn anything from the failures of his kin? Who were the dragon-hunting dwarves who fought in that war? Suggested Character(s): Smaug, Original Dwarf Character

Dwarven Craft and Magic: Enchanted weapons, enchanted armor, runes and spells...all so interesting! Borrowing from the movies a bit, did Kíli’s runestone from Dís have any magic power? What’s the deal with the Arkenstone’s thrall? How do elf and dwarf magics intersect when it comes to objects like Bilbo’s mithril coat? Suggested Character(s): Dís, Frerin, Thorin, Original Dwarf Character (perhaps a craftsdwarf?)

Dwarves and Gender: We need more dwarf women! And I’d love any takes on nonbinary dwarves and/or dwarf-specific genders. Were there female dwarves in the Company that Bilbo mistook for male dwarves? Are dwarven women really only a third of the population? If dwarf men and women are very similar in appearance, how do they differentiate between them, or do they differentiate at all? If you included something about dwarvish braiding styles indicating gender, class, marital status, I would be delighted. Suggested Character(s): Dís, Frerin, Thorin, Original Dwarf Character; in this case I’d prefer a focus on canon characters, but OCs interacting with them would be marvelous, especially people like Dís’ spouse.

The Black Arrow: Bard’s little pep talk to his arrow has always intrigued me. I’d love to see your take on the origins of the Black Arrow. Does it really come from Erebor, and if so, who made it? How did Bard and his forefathers come to acquire it? (I like the movie version that ties it into Girion’s attempt to kill Smaug, so feel free to incorporate that if you feel like it.) Is the arrow enchanted? (Perhaps that could be tied to the Dwarven Craft and Magic tag!) Suggested Character(s): Bard, Original Character from Dale, Original Dwarf Character

The Stone Giants & Were-worms: I don’t have many thoughts on these guys except “neat! tell me more!” I’m fascinated by the creatures Tolkien only gives us a passing mention of; if you feel like it, maybe you could combine these tags with some of the creatures in the LOTR tagset (crebain, cold drakes, Watcher in the Water, Mearas, Kine of Araw, etc...I didn’t sign up with all those tags, but it would be neat to hear about them anyway!)

~~~

The Lord of the Rings (Books)

Cold-drakes and Fire-drakes & Crebain & The Watcher in the Water: Like with the Stone Giants and the Were-worms, I just think they’re neat and I’d love to hear your take on their origins and how they affect the history of Middle-earth. Feel free to combine this with other creature-related requests. Suggested Character(s): Scatha

Ghosts and Hauntings: Barrow-wights? Nazgûl victims? Just your crotchety old hobbit neighbor who still holds a grudge about losing the biggest pumpkin contest despite having been dead for 20 years? There’s a lot of potential for stories here; maybe you could combine a ghost story with some other prompt to add a murder mystery or haunting plot to a relationship you’re exploring!

Dwarf-Elf Relations: I don’t believe All Dwarves and All Elves hated each other! We have famous elf-dwarf friendships across the ages, and really it was just the Sindar vs. the Broadbeams/Firebeards that had the feud. Still, Legolas (a Sinda) and Gimli (raised among Broadbeams and Firebeards in the Blue Mountains) are caught up in that, so their friendship is quite remarkable! I’d love interrogations of how that feud continued across centuries and discussions of what really went down in Menegroth, perhaps with one of the Durins having an elf friend at some point in the past that sheds light on how Legolas and Gimli can get along. (I am here for any and all Gimli and Legolas combinations; I love them as friends, I love them as boyfriends or husbands, I love them as queerplatonic partners, I love them as anything in between! Do whatever you’d like with them!) Suggested Character(s): Gimli, Legolas, Original Elf Character, Any of Durins 1-7

Elvish and Mannish settlements in post-Ring War Ithilien: How do Legolas and Faramir get along, both living in Ithilien after the war? What do Legolas’ people think about being neighbors with a bunch of Men? Faramir and Imrahil were Aragorn’s chief commanders after the war, and Legolas expressed admiration for Imrahil; I imagine Imrahil visited his nephew in Ithilien, so what are the interactions of those three like? I’d love to see an exploration of Silvan elves and their culture here, with Legolas leaning into his Silvan heritage and maybe some Silvan OCs who have spent their whole lives in Mirkwood up until now and have never met Men before now! Suggested Character(s): Faramir, Legolas, Imrahil, Original Elf Character

Relations between the Dúnedain and Rivendell: Talk to me about the Grey Company, or Elladan and Elrohir fighting alongside their distant kin, or Rangers taking breaks in Imladris, how the Rangers think of Aragorn who was raised among elves, etc. I’d love an outsider POV here, such as an OC observing the oddities of a canon character. Suggested Character(s): Original Elf Character, Original Ranger of the North

The Glittering Caves of Aglarond: More Gimli and Legolas stuff - but with a focus on Gimli this time :) Gimli as a lord in his own right, Gimli who takes elves on tours of his dwarf-kingdom and weirds out his people (is it just Legolas, or does he take any Silvan elves with him, or like...his elvish in-laws??), Gimli as a craftsman... Or, alternatively, you could explore the caves before Gimli gets to work on them, what the Rohirrim thought of them and how they were created - by natural processes, or by magic, or a mixture of both? Did Aulë make them for the dwarves to find, perhaps? Suggested Character(s): Gimli, Legolas

~~~

The Hobbit (Movies)

Dragonsickness/Goldsickness: The parallel to mental illness in the movies was really interesting. I’d love to see lingering effects of the goldsickness on Thorin after the Battle (Everyone Lives AU, probably), or an AU where Fíli or Kíli inherit the throne of Erebor and are afflicted by it as well. Or, sticking to canon, how did Fíli and Kíli and the rest of the Company deal with Thorin falling into madness? Were the other dwarves affected by the thrall of the gold? Bard and Thranduil were observers of Thorin’s madness; what did they think of him? Did Thranduil remember Thrór under dragonsickness? Or, since movie!Thranduil is a far cry from book!Thranduil when it comes to going to war over jewels, was he affected by the dragonsickness even from a distance? Was Bard? Suggested Character(s): Thorin, Fíli, Kíli, Bard the Bowman, Thranduil

Dwarves who "choose craft"/Aromantic-Spectrum and Asexual-Spectrum Dwarves: This is pulling more from the books than the movies, but I didn’t have enough nomination slots to include any book nominations, so it went here, lol. Anyway: as I’m sure you can tell from my tumblr url, I headcanon Fíli as aromantic, and I love seeing that in fanworks! It’s really wonderful that Tolkien mentioned that many dwarves choose their craft over marriage, and I’d love to see an exploration of that aspect of dwarvish culture, and how Fíli fits into it. It seems to be fairly common/accepted, but are there different cultural pressures around marriage for the crown prince? How does Fíli figure out he’s aromantic? If aro and ace dwarves are expected to be choosing a craft over romance and sex, what’s Fíli’s craft? Or does he not have one, and people judge him for that? The “choose craft” language I use is very much inspired by this post and the Neo-Khuzdul word “bijebtorva” :) Suggested Character(s): Fíli, Original Character(s)

Governance and Politics in Mirkwood: How did Thranduil and Oropher come to power in the Greenwood? I hate the “lowly Silvan elf” line from the movie; can you somehow justify that with worldbuilding, or show how it’s not accurate? Is Legolas half-Silvan like is implied in the LOTR books? Who are Thranduil’s advisors? Is Tauriel really the only one who dislikes and defies Thranduil’s isolationist policies? Is Mirkwood very patriarchal, and is Tauriel’s appointment to Captain of the Guard something she faced opposition or competition for? Are the Sindar elite colonizers, or did they integrate into Silvan society? How does the average Silvan elf feel about their king, or do they not even think about him? Suggested Character(s): Thranduil, Tauriel, Original Character(s)

Poetry and prophecy: Bard uncovers that tapestry that turns a song from the book into a somewhat ominous prophecy; there’s a lot of discussion of fate and signs from the thrush at the door to the last light of Durin’s Day; Thranduil has seen enough in his thousands of years to have had time to brush up against a prophecy or two. What do these three believe about fate and prophecy? Are any of them prophets in their own right? How does poetry/music lend power to prophecy? (Bonus points if you tie it back into the Ainulindalë...) Suggested Character(s): Bard the Bowman, Thorin, Thranduil

Poisons and antidotes: I love Kíli/Tauriel and the scene where she heals his wound...but the worldbuilding around morgul poison and athelas is a little murky. It’s a decent parallel to Frodo’s condition in the LOTR movies, but it’s confusing lore-wise. Can you make sense of it? If Tauriel is a warrior, where did she learn healing? (In my own headcanons, her foster family are healers, which is how she learned those skills even though she’s primarily a warrior - but feel free to take it in whatever direction you’d like!) Suggested Character(s): Tauriel, Kíli, Original Character(s)

Rebuilding Erebor & Relations between Dwarves + Elves + Men: (I’d prefer an Everyone Lives AU for this situation.) How do Thorin and his Company put Erebor back together again? What are the renovation projects like? How long does it take Dís and the rest of the Longbeards to arrive in Erebor and help out? How long does Dáin stay to help his cousin? I would love to see some politics both internally within the Longbeard dwarves and externally as they relate to Mirkwood and Dale. Smaug’s corpse is just lying in the Long Lake...how do the dwarves feel about their old enemy’s body so close by? Do some Men want to re-establish Lake-town, and demand help from the dwarves who flushed the dragon out of the mountain? Do the dwarves want to harvest Smaug’s corpse for resources? (He’s probably got gold and jewels stuck in his scales, and dragon-skin/scales is probably a good raw material for crafting things.) What’s the process of Bard becoming King of Dale? Does he face any opposition? I love the idea of Hilda Bianca challenging him for leadership, or maybe insisting on some kind of democracy/representation in Dale! And if she doesn’t get her way, maybe it’s her leading some people back to Esgaroth and founding a democracy there that would make the old Master roll in his watery grave... How do Bard and Thranduil and Thorin reconcile after the battle? Does Thorin pay up like he said he would? Does Tauriel hang around, or does she go somewhere else? Are any elves inspired by her, or is she a total outcast? If you choose to explore the Kíli/Tauriel relationship, how does that affect politics between Erebor and Mirkwood? Suggested Character(s): Thorin, Fíli, Kíli, Bard the Bowman, Hilda Bianca, Thranduil, Tauriel, Original Character(s)

Tauriel's fate after the Battle of the Five Armies: This is for exploring what happened to Tauriel in canon. Does she wander the world and explore new places? How long does she mourn Kíli? What does she do with the runestone? Does she return to Mirkwood, and if so, how does she manage to get back into Thranduil’s good graces? There are a million different ways to take this, I’d love to see your take on her! Suggested Character(s): Tauriel, Thranduil, Original Character(s)

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The Silmarillion: Magic & Spirits

Houseless Elves: Why did they refuse the call of Mandos? Do Avari even go to Mandos? Can Melkor and Sauron ensnare these spirits for their necromantic purposes? If the call of Mandos is refused once, does that bar them from listening in the future? What kinds of ghosts are haunting Middle-earth in the First Age? What kinds of ghosts haunt Aman? Suggested Character(s): Original Character(s), Melkor

Magic as a connection to the Music/the Song: Magic isn’t always the best-explained in Tolkien’s universe, but what we do know is the incredible power of the Music. How do the Maiar and Valar, who are not technically beings of Arda, interact with the world? How do elves and men (and dwarves! and orcs!) tap into the Song and manipulate it to their benefit (or detriment)? I have the headcanon that Elemmírë, the elf who sung the Aldudénië, is a priestess of Varda; what was the power of that mourning song, and how was it received by her patron Vala? Suggested Character(s): Elemmírë, Varda, Melian, Melkor, Original Character(s)

Nature Spirits: These holes in Tolkien’s worldbuilding are fascinating to me. What role do nature spirits play? How many are there? I’m thinking particularly of river spirits, like the River-woman and Goldberry, but there are probably also mountain spirits and water spirits and-and-and... Are they Maiar? Lesser beings? What do the Maiar we know of think about them? Gandalf seems the kind to listen to them and learn their stories, but perhaps Melian sees them more as servants in protecting her realm... Suggested Character(s): Melian, Original Character(s)

The Shadow-shapes in the hills above Cuiviénen: What were these shapes? Melkor’s prototypical monsters, Maiar who didn’t know how to interact with the Children, something else entirely? What did the original elves believe about them? Did they fear them, did they try to appease them, did they try to confront them? I headcanon that Elemmírë is an Unbegotten elf, so perhaps she lost friends to the Shadows, or thought she did. If the Shadows did take elves, was it out of malice or curiosity or a desire to protect them from whatever Melkor was planning? Suggested Character(s): Melkor, Elemmírë, Original Character(s)

The Void: Melkor spends a whole lot of time here. Does he have any company? Something or someone he makes to pass the time with? Do the Valar (like Manwë or Námo or Varda or Nienna) visit him there? What is the nature of the Void, is it pure emptiness or chaotic magic or a nightmare machine? Is Melkor being punished or is he being contained? And where are the boundaries of the Void? Varda rules the heavens; does her realm bleed into Melkor’s prison? Suggested Character(s): Melkor, Varda, Original Character(s)

~~~

The Silmarillion: Elven Relationships

Note: This request deals with relationships, and while I’m open to pretty much anything, please keep in mind my DNWs. Exploring these topics using canon relationships is a safe bet; I adore Maedhros/Fingon so having a look at them through this lens would be amazing; I have Aredhel as a character request here, and I see her as aromantic (“to none was her heart’s love given”) so while showing her in a relationship is fine, I’d love it if you could take her lack of romantic feelings into account; if you have a question about another ship, you can check to see what I’ve written and/or send me anon message! Additionally, a lot of these talk about soul bonds, which I’m very interested in, but one of my DNWs is soulmates. To me the concepts are very different things; it’s the destiny and inevitability and universal assumption of romance that really squick me out about soulmates. Soul bonds, on the other hand, have an aspect of choice to them that I really dig. So, please don’t make characters Fated For One Another, but please do explore what joining souls is like!

Laws & Customs of the Eldar: Boy do I have a lot of feelings about LaCE—and I’m always intrigued by other people’s feelings, too! I’d love to see an exploration of how these laws and customs came to be, which parts of the rules around marriage and children and re-embodiment are social constructs and which are innate to the fëa and hröa, and/or relationships that defy the norms. If your take on the laws is hetero/cisnormative, how does that affect queer elves? If your take is free of bigotry, what are the flexibilities around queerness, including asexuality and aromanticism? Laws and customs and rules always have loopholes and exceptions, so what do elves who don’t fit into the expected relationship mold do about these norms? Suggested Character(s): Aredhel, Maedhros, Fingon, Elrond, Any Unbegotten Elf Character(s)

Arranged Marriages among the Eldar: Russingon arranged marriage AU?? Orrrr....Maedhros or Fingon are politically engaged to someone else, and they have to deal with the ramifications of that? (Please don’t have them actually go through with the marriage if you go that route; I’m not interested in a story with Fingon having a wife, even if she’s a beard.) If elves (usually) only love once, and by declaration of the Valar can only marry once (Finwë being the somewhat disastrous exception), how is an arranged marriage justified within the cultural emphasis on these bonds? Are they more like arranged romances, people pushing their children together in hopes that they’ll fall in love? Or is it a stricter rule about “you do what’s best for this family”? (Note: Bad/cruel parenting is one of my major DNWs, so if you’re going that route, please don’t make the parent uncaring or malicious. Stubborn and narrow-minded is fine, as is the genuine belief that this is what’s best for the child, but ideally they’ll learn from their mistakes or perhaps everything will be interrupted and derailed by Canon Events. This is especially important wrt to Fëanor.) Suggested Character(s): Maedhros, Fingon

Creation/Discovery of soul bonds: How do soul bonds work on a metaphysical level? Can they be broken? Do they have to be nurtured and maintained? What’s long-distance communication like? Heck, what’s short-distance communication like, is it like talking in your mind or sharing your feelings or more abstract than that? Can elves form soul bonds with mortals? And most importantly—how did elves figure out they could soul bond with one another?? I can imagine that would be quite a shock when they’re discovering sex and then suddenly they’re inside each other’s minds! Suggested Character(s): Any Unbegotten Elf Character(s)

Non-romantic/sexual soul bonds: I’m good with practically any relationship here. Explore sibling bonds, twin bonds, parent-child bonds, queerplatonic bonds, found family bonds, adoption bonds, the bond between a Vala and their Maia...any kind of soul bond that is familial or platonic or chosen without regard to romance! (Feel free to take a canon romantic relationship and turn it queerplatonic, I live for that shit!) How are these bonds formed outside of sex? What are the rituals and ceremonies around forming them? Is it a public or private thing? Are non-romantic soul bonds taken seriously, or are they seen as less important than marriage bonds? Since elven parents literally give part of their soul in the creation of the child, is that parent-child bond innate? Suggested Character(s): Aredhel, Any Unbegotten Elf Character(s)

Elven adoption: I nominated this with Kidnap Dads in mind (if you go that route I love fluff for them as well as more nuanced/complicated takes on the situation, but whatever you do don’t make M&M cruel, and please include Maedhros as a parental figure alongside Maglor)...but hey, it could work for Fingon (and Maedhros) adopting Gil-galad! What are traditions around elven adoption? Are there soul bonds created between the adoptive parents and children? Was adoption even a thing in Aman, or is it only practiced in Middle-earth? Did elves adopt mortals and vice versa? Is adoption extended to found family other than a parent-child situation? How is adoption viewed by elvish society, especially if inheritance/succession is a concern? Suggested Character(s): Maedhros, Fingon, Elros Tar-Minyatur, Elrond

~~~

The Silmarillion: Noldorin Politics

Original Fëanorian follower(s) who turned on their lords at Sirion: Okay, this is a character tag, but I’m absolutely obsessed with this line: “For the sons of Fëanor that yet lived came down suddenly upon the exiles of Gondolin and the remnant of Doriath, and destroyed them. In that battle some of their people stood aside, and some few rebelled and were slain upon the other part aiding Elwing against their own lords (for such was the sorrow and confusion in the hearts of the Eldar in those days).” Who were these people who followed the Fëanorians into exile, into a Kinslaying, through the burning of the ships, through 30 years of Maglor as a king-regent incapable of treating with the Nolofinwëans, through the scattering of their lords and the harsh conditions of the North, through the Bragollach and the Nírnaeth and a “wild and woodland life” and the Second Kinslaying (where some of them went as far as to abandon children in the winter woods to die because they thought it was what their lord/s would want), through isolation and hatred from every other elven group, through the plan to attack a refugee camp—through ALL OF THAT, and THEN they turn on their lords at Sirion??? Why betray your lords NOW? And the people who DID keep following them after that (after kidnapping children!!!), what were they thinking?? — I firmly believe that Maedhros has many escapees from Angband in his service who are ride or die for him and whose morality was somewhat warped by Angband, but what about Maglor’s followers? Caranthir’s? Ambarussa’s? Even Celegorm and Curufin’s?? There’s just SO MUCH potential for story here, I’m dying to read about them!

Noldorin lines of succession: Was It Sexist Or Was It Not: The Eternal Question aka Why Didn’t Idril Become High Queen After Turgon? Also, what does “eldest of the house of Finwë, and not the least wise” even MEAN, Maedhros?? How did Gil-galad come to power? I find it hard to believe he became king immediately after Gondolin fell; was it a wartime power grab? A battlefield promotion? How did the kingship get established in the first place? Why was Finwë chosen to go with Oromë to Aman? Was Maglor ever really king, or did he only rule as a regent for the missing Maedhros? Suggested Character(s): Finwë, Gil-galad, Maglor

Origins of Gil-galad: I am always so interested in takes on Gil-galad’s parentage. My favorites are Russingon baby Gil (through trans mpreg or adoption, both are good) and secret peredhel Gil (probably an Aegnor/Andreth baby adopted by Orodreth), but I also love Finduilas Is Gil-galad and honestly, any situation is fascinating here—just convince me! A possible way to explore this is through Outsider POV; some noble or historian trying to figure out just what the heck is up with Gil-galad. His parentage being confusing in-canon is so fun!! Suggested Character(s): Gil-galad, Original Nobility of the Noldor

Maglor's Kingship between Maedhros' capture and rescue: Was Maglor ever really king? Did he give up on Maedhros early on, or did he cling to the hope that he still lived? Did his brothers turn to him for support, or did they connive to take responsibility from him? The rift between the Noldor wasn’t healed until Maedhros’ rescue; did Maglor try to cooperate with Fingolfin, or did he keep his people isolated? Was he relieved when Maedhros came back and took responsibility, or was he resentful to lose his power? How does this situation (and Maglor not going to rescue Maedhros) affect M&M’s relationship later on? Suggested Character(s): Maglor, Original Fëanorian follower(s)..., Curufin, Caranthir

Dwarf-Elf relations in the First Age & Dwarf-kingdoms: Dwarf-friends!!! Yes!!! I love elves and dwarves being buds (or partners if you’d like to go that route!) <3 IIRC, Curufin learned Khuzdul, and I’m sure Celebrimbor did too; Caranthir was supposedly rude to the dwarves, but what if that’s just his (and their!) love language? How did relations between the Sindar and the dwarves sour over time? Maedhros was friends with Azaghâl; how did that relationship begin? How did Finrod’s contract with the dwarves blossom into a real friendship? Eöl was also buddies with the dwarves; did he ever bump into Curufin or Caranthir while at a trade festival or something? And the dwarf kingdoms of the First Age are fascinating on their own, too; what was the political structure like? Did the dwarves bring items from the other side of the mountains into Beleriand? How did the petty-dwarves get exiled? What happened to Nogrod and Belegost in the War of Wrath, and were they ever re-established after the sinking of Beleriand? Suggested Character(s): Curufin, Caranthir

Guilds and Noble Houses of Tirion: Give me a Tirion political drama! Finwë trying to appease his lords and craftseldar? Indis integrating into Noldorin society and making connections with the noble houses? Arranged marriage situation between Nolofinwë and Anairë? The younger princes running amok and causing chaos in their elders’ carefully-laid plans and delicately balanced alliances? Suggested Character(s): Finwë, Indis, Original Nobility of the Noldor, Curufin, Caranthir, Maglor

Roles and Responsibilities in the Noldorin Royal Family: There were oodles of princes in Valinor. What did they all do? How did they get the followers who came with them to Middle-earth? Were they free to pursue their own crafts, or did they have responsibilities to the common people? How did this change in Middle-earth when suddenly everyone was in danger and had more pressing needs? What is it like being a re-embodied royal in a society that’s adapted to life without you? Suggested Character(s): Finwë, Indis, Maglor, Curufin, Caranthir, Gil-galad

Fashion as Political Statement: This is an excuse to request Color Coding Politics. Fëanorian red! Nolofinwëan blue! Findis wearing Aggressively Neutral White! Lalwen in orange? Arafinwë in yellow? Finwë in an amazing technicolor dream-coat...or more likely just red, showing his bias once more? Art of this would be absolutely fantastic. I have lots of headcanons about color politics; feel free to ask me about them if you choose this option. Suggested Character(s): Curufin, Caranthir, Gil-galad, Finwë

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The Silmarillion: Trauma & Religion

War of Wrath: For a war that took so long and had such wide-reaching repercussions, we really don’t have very many details about this. It’s free real estate, basically! I have my favorite characters (Maedhros, Maglor, Elrond, Elros, Gil-galad...) that you could use to explore this time period, but literally anyone who’s alive at this point is fair game. And OCs! What do the Noldor and Vanyar (and Telerin sailors) feel about the War and interacting with the war-weary exiles and Sindar and Men of late-stage Beleriand? What kind of culture shock/culture clash is there? Were re-embodied exiles permitted to return to Middle-earth, or were they barred from going to war again? Suggested Character(s): Original Noldorin Character, Original Vanyarin Character

Trauma after the War of Wrath for elves and humans & Exiles adjusting to life in the Undying Lands post War of Wrath & Dealing with psychological trauma in Valinor: Trauma was commonplace in Beleriand, but not so much in Valinor. What’s it like for exiles who sail West to be in a society that doesn’t know how to support them? Are the Valar having to learn how to deal with the trauma of living elves super quickly, or are they reticent to change? How do the exiles interact with their re-embodied kin? What do the Vanyar and other Amanyar think of these elves who have been so deeply hurt? What kinds of treatises on psychology are penned by scholars with little to no previous experience? What is therapy like in Valinor? Do the exiles get together for support groups since no one else understands them? Or did the trauma of the Darkening and the First Kinslaying wake up the Amanyar and get their act together before then; are the exiles surprised by the structures already in place to support them? And what about Avari who have been dying steadily all this time from accidents and incidents in Middle-earth? If they’ve been re-embodied, how do they engage with the Eldar who have similar traumas? Suggested Character(s): Estë, Finrod, Maeglin, Original Noldorin Character, Original Vanyarin Character, Rúmil, Any Avarin Elf Character(s)

Worship of the Valar and Religion & Avarin religious culture: Do the Vanyar really worship the Valar, or do they seem them as hyper-powerful neighbors? What are priests and priestesses like in a world where the gods walk among you? How does each kindred of the elves interact with the Valar? Are Maiar viewed as equal worshippers/servants or as deities in their own right? Do the Avari even know about or acknowledge the Valar? Do they worship the stars, or simply Eru? Suggested Character(s): Pengolodh, Rúmil, Any Avarin Elf Character(s)

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Middle-earth Legendarium: Magic & Spirits

Afterlives: This is pretty vague, but I think it’s referring to the various kinds of afterlife. What are the Halls of Mandos like? What happens to spirits who don’t go to Mandos? Do Men pass through Mandos on the way to Beyond? What happens to Men? Are they reincarnated in the more traditional understanding of the word, do they go to some other realm similar to Arda, are they just endlessly partying it up with Eru? Do dwarves really go to the Halls, or is that just a superstition? And of course, what about orcs? Suggested Character(s): Námo

Fate of orc souls after death: Yeah, really, what about orcs? If the orcs were originally elves twisted into Morgoth’s servants, are their spirits still elven? Are they reborn as they once were, elven despite their life as an orc? What about orcs who are many generations removed from their elvish ancestors? Do they have fëar? Can orcs be rehabilitated? I refuse to accept that all orcs are inherently evil; but what does everyone believe in-universe? Suggested Character(s): Námo, Original Orc Character(s)

Foresight and Prophecy and Doom: I’m honestly not sure if this fanon or canon, but Finarfin and his line having foresight through Indis is a wonderful concept and I’d love an exploration of that. How accurate is foresight? Can fate be circumvented? Are prophecies like the Doom of the Noldor self-fulfilling, or are they warnings about possible futures, or are they curses upon people? If you have a high Doom upon you, does that end with your death, or does it follow you to Mandos and beyond? Suggested Character(s): Námo, Finarfin

Songs and Words of Power: Rap battles with Sauron! ...joking aside, song as magic is just fascinating to me. How does this connect to the Ainulindalë and the Song of the World? The elves named themselves Quendi, the Speakers; how do they view the power of words and their ability to change the world around them? Can music be used as a force of destruction or a weapon (battle bard Maglor)? Can it be used to manipulate someone’s mind (Sauron)? Suggested Character(s): Maglor, Sauron

Stars and Starlight: “All light is sacred to the Eldar...but wood-elves love best the light of the stars.” Okay, sorry for being a Hobbit movie apologist on main, but I do love Tauriel! How do elves view starlight? Is it holy, or are the stars more like their friends and guides? Did the Avari choose to remain in Middle-earth partially because of their love for the stars, which were drowned out by the light of the Trees? How does Eärendil feel about being a star; does he feel blasphemous or holy? What legends and superstitions are there among Avari and Men and others who don’t know the origins of Gil-Estel about the new star in the sky? Suggested Character(s): Morwë, Eärendil

The Unseen Realm: This is the in-between world where Frodo goes when he wears the ring, the world that the Nazgûl in their half-life inhabit. Are Ainur able to slip into this realm at will? Did Gandalf walk invisible in Gondolin? How does Sauron manipulate this realm to his purposes? Is this where elves go if they fade? (I don’t usually like Maglor fading, but it could be an interesting way to explore this...) Suggested Character(s): Námo, Sauron, Nazgûl, Maglor

Magical Artefacts & Magical Communications: Palantíri! Galadriel’s mirror! Ósanwë! All sorts of cool ways to talk with magic. Do the Rings of Power enable long-distance ósanwë? Did the Silmarils contain pieces of Fëanor’s soul? What other marvelous magical creations were there that didn’t make it into the Legendarium we know? Suggested Character(s): Sauron, Maglor, Eärendil

~~~

Middle-earth Legendarium: Politics & Lore

Feudalism between Eldar and Edain: We have Edain entering into the service of Noldorin lords (Bëor and Finrod, Hador and Fingolfin, Amlach and Maedhros) and land being given to Men by elves (or not, in Haleth’s case)...how far did this feudal relationship extend? Were the Edain mostly autonomous or were they very much bound to their elven lords? Were there common elves who paid tribute to Edain lords? Can any relationship between elves and Men truly be equal if this is the way they originated? Fealty kink? Suggested Character(s): Curufin, Original Elf Character

Fourth Age Tirion: What’s Tirion like with a bunch of dead people walking around living again, and a bunch of weird legends now imposing in daily life? What’s the first meeting of Rúmil and Pengolodh like—who geeks out over whom? Are the Fëanorians back yet? Is the average elf even really aware of all the nonsense that happened in Middle-earth, or are they extremely unimpressed with King So-and-So of a square of land that’s now underwater trying to cut them in line at the coffee shop? Suggested Character(s): Original Elf Character, Pengolodh, Rúmil of Tirion, Celebrimbor, Elrond, Galadriel

Relationship between Noldor and Dwarves: See “Dwarf-Elf relations in the First Age & Dwarf-kingdoms” in my Silm request for a starting point...but also, was Elrond’s Last Homely House open to dwarves? How did Galadriel come to respect the dwarves, especially after her Sindar kin grew to hate them? Suggested Character(s): Curufin, Celebrimbor, Elrond, Galadriel

Timekeeping between the Death of the Two Trees and the Rise of the Sun and Moon: Tolkien’s math drives me ABSOLUTELY INSANE. His timelines are contradictory, I get headaches just thinking about the length of elf pregnancy, what does aging mean for an immortal species, WHY ARE TREE YEARS LIKE THAT and WHAT IS A YÉN? Please try and make sense of this for me, I beg of thee. I’m especially interested in the time period between the Death of the Trees and the Rise of the Sun and Moon. Did the Noldor wander the Helcaraxë for 3 years or 30? How long was Maitimo in Angband? Did the Sindar even realize something was different? How did people start calculating Sun years? When was the calendar of the First Age adopted? Who did all this math? Is there an in-universe explanation for these contradictions? Do people fight over math? Do the Ainur experience time the same way the Children do? Did some Noldo genius come up with a timekeeping system that worked with the Moon, only for the Sun to come along and muck it up? Suggested Character(s): Pengolodh, Rúmil of Tirion, Original Elf Character, Fëanor - really any scholarly character, tbh!

Treatment of Angband's Escaped Thralls: Which kinds of escapees choose to go to Himring with Maedhros the Tall, and which choose to go to Gondolin and the House of the Hammer of Wrath? Was Rôg an escapee too? Can Maedhros really tell who’s been turned by the Enemy? Does Thingol have the right of it in turning away thralls from Doriath? (If he even does that, I’m now researching this and I’m not sure it’s actually canon...) What was it like for Maedhros and Gwindor to readjust to elven society? Did Elrond grow up surrounded by Fëanorian followers who escaped Angband, and is that where he learned healing? Suggested Character(s): Original Elf Character, Elrond

In-universe authorial bias in historical texts: All of the Legendarium is a history, which means there’s bound to be unreliable narrators. Was Maeglin really as evil as the story says? What gets left out of the narrative? What gets lost in translation? Who lives, who dies, who tells your story? Suggested Character(s): Pengolodh, Rúmil of Tirion

Trade in Middle-earth: What was trade like in First Age Beleriand? What about Second Age trade between Númenor and the mainland? Was Ost-in-Edhil a trade hub? After Sauron returned and traveling became dangerous, what intrepid traders braved the wilds for the sake of goods and money? How was currency developed around the world? Suggested Character(s): Curufin, Celebrimbor, Elrond, Galadriel

Orcs Surviving the Wars: Again, I don’t believe that all orcs are irredeemably, inherently evil. Were they persecuted and stamped out after the Ring War, or did some escape and adapt to a life without a harsh overlord? What’s orc agriculture like? Would Elrond take a chance on rehabilitating an orc in Rivendell? What if orcs were more complicated all along, and it’s the histories that simplified them to cardboard-cutout villains? Suggested Character(s): Original Elf Character, Pengolodh, Celebrimbor, Elrond, Galadriel

~~~

The Adventure Zone: Balance

My only non-Tolkien request, oops. Don’t think I’m not as interested in this request, though; I’m the only one who nominated for it, so I picked my very favorite concepts and I’d love to see what you do with them!

Angus McDonald’s Grandfather: This guy’s name was lost to time, and he loves silverware, and he has a grandson, and that’s pretty much all we know about him. Was he involved in the Relic Wars somehow? Did his name get eaten by the Voidfish? I imagine he’s a rather eccentric fellow; how much of that did he pass on to Angus? Is he even real, or was Angus lying to Tres Horny Boys about his destination?

Any Wonderland Adventurer(s): I’d love to see what happens to the other people who go to Wonderland before our boys. Do they all die? How many get what they want and get out? Do any of them have weaker moral compasses than THB and agree to advertise for Edward and Lydia? What if Edward or Lydia fell in love with an adventurer and trapped them there? What kinds of things do people sacrifice to the Wheel? We know about the Escape Game and the Healing Game; what about the Recovery Game? How long has Wonderland been around? How has it evolved over time? What was it like before Edward and Lydia got ahold of the Animus Bell? How did they get ahold of it? (Personally I think Barry just gave it to them...but did he have to go through the trials first?)

Differences within species between the Two-Sunned World and Faerun: I love the fanon that Two-Sun elves are juuust a little different from Faerun elves...like Taako’s echolocation, for example. But what if this applies to the other species like gnomes and dwarves and even humans? How are the Seven Birds just a liiiitle off from everyone else around them? Also, Cat Elves. This is an excuse for Two-Sun Cat Elves. GIVE TAAKO A TAIL. (I mean, or not, do what you want, but I’d love to see that, lol.) Suggested Character(s): Any Member(s) of the IPRE, Original Character(s)

Reclaimers before Tres Horny Boys: Who were the other Reclaimers? Who did Lucretia trust to carry out this dangerous mission? How did they all each, inevitably fail? What if Magic Brian was a Reclaimer gone wrong? What was the last straw for Lucretia, the last failure that made her scheme to get her boys back? And the other Reclaimers weren’t officially disbanded right away; how did they feel about the new guys in town, and losing their jobs to these doofuses? Suggested Character(s): Lucretia, Original Character(s)

The Relic Wars: There were wars about the Relics!!! Wars!! That everyone forgot!! Wars where people that THB knew died!! And then we never get into this in canon! It drives me nuts! I would love to see an exploration of this chaotic time period, what the IPRE did to mitigate the damage, which relics were obvious and terrifying and which were secret and terrifying, etc... I’ve written a bit about Relic War-era Hurloane, but what were the other NPCs doing? (Or Hurley and Sloane too, I’d love to see your take on them too!) When Lucretia wiped everyone’s memories, what was lost? (I suspect Angus’ Grandfather got caught up in that...) How did those missing memories lead people to the Bureau of Balance? Suggested Character(s): Lucretia, Any Member(s) of the IPRE, Angus McDonald’s Grandfather

The Robot World's crystal post-Story and Song: The IPRE promised to return the Robot World’s crystal if they ever managed to defeat the Hunger...and we know they can plane hop from the casino liveshow...so, did they ever return the crystal? How did that go down? How does the Robot World rebuild itself? And if we’re going into it being the (K)nights Arc’s setting, are there other characters than Troth that we might recognize? Suggested Character(s): Magnus Burnsides, Lucretia, Any Member(s) of the IPRE

Worlds that survived the Hunger: In the worlds where the IPRE found the Light of Creation before the Hunger arrived, what was it like for the people there who had to endure the Hunger’s attack? What was the scope of the destruction? How did they rebuild afterward? Does uniting against a common enemy bring the people of the world together and create more Tesseralia-like societies? How many people knew about the IPRE, and what did they think about them? When they hear the Story and Song, what’s the reaction? If they didn’t know about the IPRE what myths do they create to explain the Hunger? Suggested Character(s): Lucretia, Original Character(s)

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Alright, that’s the end of my prompts/requests! Thanks for reading this far, and whatever you end up writing for me I am super excited to read it!! And if you have questions or ideas or something, my askbox is open and I have anon messages on, I’d love to talk! Thank you again for creating for me, you are the best! <3

[lolcat76]

WWSRD, Sharon Raydor, and a fangirl’s thoughts.

I just finished #WWSRD and I have a lot of thoughts, so bear with me. Or ignore me. Either is fine.

First, I totally understand Mary’s frustration with the fans’ reactions across the board, and now I feel bad for making her feel bad, because I know just how lucky we are to have someone who is so invested in her art and her fans to care about what we think. I am so grateful for WWSRD to give me a chance to breathe, understand the process of creating this character every week, and see the show from the perspective of the actor who lived the character, which is such a gift for someone like me who craves that insight into character development.

I also understand Mary’s protectiveness of the show and cast and crew, and I feel even worse that our outpouring of grief and rage diminishes what they’ve accomplished over the last 13 years. The two are not related, especially in terms of cast and crew. Everyone from the directors to the actors to the tape loggers and PAs have done a wonderful job with this show. Take a bow and please accept my gratitude for a job very well done.

As you all know, I write a lot of fanfic, but I also do graphic design and corporate communications for my day job, and in those instances, when the point I’m trying to get across falls flat or someone just doesn’t like my design, my first thought is, “Well, you’re an idiot.” (And usually my second and third thoughts as well.) (Mary is a lot more diplomatic than I am.) It’s never easy to hear that someone’s reaction to something you put your heart and soul into is that it sucks and they hate it. It doesn’t, however, mean that the work isn’t valid. It’s just not necessarily being read the way it’s written, and that’s a fact of life every creator of content has to accept.

There’s a big difference between creating content and consuming content. Once a piece is created, the creator has to relinquish control over how it’s consumed, because no two members of the audience internalize art or fiction or television in the same way. That’s the whole reason we have fandom wars on this godforsaken site. Not only that, but what is satisfying for a writer or an actor is very often vastly different than what is satisfying for the audience. I can and do support Mary’s playing Sharon’s end, acknowledging it as a valid creative plot point, and loving the choices that she made – and I’m also very grateful that this podcast helps me understand those choices – and still, I’m just so heartbroken about Sharon’s death. The first is because I have enormous respect for the actor and the writers and the creative process and, the second is because I’m a fan of the actor and the writers and creative process, and sometimes those two things just don’t mesh well together, because the audience isn’t in the same place in the creative process. We didn’t have several months to process this. We had a few weeks, and I’m not speaking for anyone else, but those few weeks were pretty sucky for me.

I think anyone who cares about their job – whether it be in the entertainment industry, or accounting, or making fancy lattes – wants to do it well and wants to be challenged, and for an actor, there’s no bigger challenge than trying to portray something as difficult and emotional as a death and do it justice. The disconnect here I think is that while Mary did a beautiful job with Sharon’s last two episodes, the fans were not ready for her story to end. I’m sure the general audience watched it and thought, “Oh, that’s sad,” and went about their business, but for those of us who are probably way too emotionally attached to the character, it’s hard to separate the craft and care that went into shooting those scenes from the gut-wrenching reaction we had to watching them. My anger at what happened to Sharon has pretty much zero to do with the cast and crew, who have been phenomenal, and everything to do with my own life. That’s on me, and it’s not a reflection of the work in general, but that’s the point of art – it does touch people, and you just can’t control HOW it’s going to touch them. To quote one of my favorite inappropriate songs from the ’90s, sometimes it’s a bad touch, and that’s where I am right now.

I will say, because it’s my blog and I can be salty if I want, that I don’t think the writing or editing clarified  Mary’s analysis of Sharon’s thought processes, and I wish it had. If it had, I don’t think we’d have had the visceral reaction that Sharon put herself directly in harm’s way. Having listened to WWSRD, I can go back and rewatch those two episodes with an entirely different mindset on Sharon’s motivations and decisions, but without hearing Mary’s thoughts, some of the things she brought up were just not clear in the writing. Too many things were open to interpretation, and there were too many moments of foreshadowing in the scripts and in the editing that just made it look like Sharon was preparing to die. And, from a completely personal standpoint, that was incredibly hard to watch. From her not wanting to be a burden to going to ask for last rites, it seemed a lot less like taking control of her story and a lot more like surrendering to her fate, and it wasn’t a fate that I would choose. Mainly because to me, I’ve always been afraid that my death would be far more of a burden to my loved ones than my life is. Andy is going to have to pack up her clothes and her office. He’s going to have to sort through her finances and make sure her children are taken care of, and ensure that Rusty has the means to make it through law school. He’s going to have to live in the condo she decorated without her, and you guys, the thought of that makes me so sad I can barely stand it. The idea that it would have been easier for her children and Andy if Sharon had just died the first time she went into cardiac arrest…Nope. Nothing about death is easy, but death that comes with no warning is the hardest thing in the world to go through for the people who love you.

Being again true to form, I’m going to bring up my beloved Laura Roslin. She was introduced to us as a character who was dying, and the concept of being the Dying Leader was 100% part of who she was. Her death was awful, and I’m still not over it, but it was also beautiful and meaningful, and those last moments in the Raptor with Adama were very much the culmination of their story. Sharon’s death was…not that. Laura died with Bill, him showing her the beautiful endpoint of everything they’d worked for over the last several years. Sharon died on a gurney, surrounded by strangers, in the ER. Laura found love in spite of her impending death; Sharon died in spite of her happy life. One has poetry and meaning, and the other is just…well, I’m going to reiterate it. It was just cruel. To me, it is the complete opposite of dying doing what you love, and that waiting room scene is probably the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever watched, with her husband and son and the friends she’s come to love over the years kept out of the room, just waiting and hoping, only to be devastated by the doctor coming out to break the news.

As I said in our Fans React podcast, Sharon’s dead. She doesn’t care. Her children and her husband, though, have to figure out how to go on without her. That’s the hardest part of this – that as much as I love Sharon and grieve the loss of this kickass character, I also love the rest of the cast, and they’re going to have to soldier on without her. Watching the last four episodes knowing that they’re going to be in that kind of pain – a pain I think all of us who have lost loved ones understand – it’s hard. It’s really hard. I don’t really want to go through that kind of pain while watching a TV show that I use to escape, because it opens up a lot of things that I don’t even want to think about. Which, frankly, is why I like the “safe spaces” of television – it gives me a little break from dealing with the daily car fires of the real world.

And, to dovetail into Mary’s point about feeling grief, I hope we’re going to be able to do that in the last four episodes, because I need to grieve not only for this character that I love so much, but also for her husband and children and friends, but I’m afraid that we won’t. At its heart, Major Crimes is a crime procedural show. I know the funeral next week is going to probably knock me flat, but I’m also afraid that it will be much like the wedding – overly hyped and then three minutes at the beginning of the episode, and then BAM right into the next plot, and the next plot being the final plot that ties the two series together and omits the two female leads is just so, so disappointing.

The next four episodes will be about Stroh and his backstory and his coming after Rusty, and I know that’s a plot point that has been something like 10 years in the making, but I can’t switch gears that quickly. Nor do I want to, because my involvement with the show over the last several years has absolutely nothing to do with the cases and everything to do with the characters. I knew the Stroh story would have to come to an explosive close, but I never thought it would happen without Brenda or Sharon, and to have neither of them figure in to it just makes me wonder…what’s the point? I know that it’s Rusty’s story, but it’s just as much Sharon’s and even more Brenda’s, and to leave them both out at this point feels like a dismissal of the last 13 years, and to shove it into two nights…so frustrating.

Obviously, TNT has done a huge disservice to Major Crimes, The Closer, and even Duff in the last few years, but ramming the last several episodes into the space of a few weeks might be the worst thing they’ve done. We still have so much left to process, and trying to cram it in over a couple of nights is just really unfair to the fans.

I know life is hard. I bet you all know life is hard as well, or we’d all be out living life and wouldn’t be here on Tumblr obsessing over TV characters. I don’t need to watch TV to be reminded that life is hard, because I have to wake up every day to the dumpster fire that is American politics. I watch TV to escape the idea that life is hard.

(Temporary word-vomiting break to say that yes, HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIES ARE GOOD AND LEAD TO EVEN BETTER FANFIC PROMPTS.)

Now, going back to safe spaces. That phrase is fraught right now, because at the moment Tumblr is my safe space, and GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT THAT SAYS. To address Mary’s point about the safe space of TV recognizing the evil in the world and righting it, YES, that is one of the things about MC that I love – that these characters were so deeply flawed, and yet still so moral and ethical. Living in LA, I have to say that MC made me very sympathetic to the LAPD. Every time an old 90’s Crown Vic passes me on the 110 freeway, I think, aww, Provie and Andy still have their old shitty cars from the 90s, rather than panicking about whether or not I’m speeding on the freeway. (I’m never speeding on the freeway, because LA traffic sucks.) But, for a fan, a safe space is a totally different thing, and that’s the space where we have an hour each week to forget about all our worries. MC was that for me, and from this point on, it won’t be. And that, as much as Sharon Raydor, is the loss I’m grieving.

I wouldn’t be so torn up about it if MC had been a dark show from the start, but it wasn’t. Even the hardest episodes to watch – and there have been many – still had humor. There are so many episodes going back to The Closer that I watch again and again because in the midst of murder and chaos, the characters gave a breath of life into the stories. Even going back to the start of MC, with Rusty and Stroh, and Provenza and Sharon going head-to-head, I was so invested in how these interpersonal relationships were going to play out. I didn’t give a shit about the grocery store murderers in that first episode. I cared about how this cast of characters was going to come together, and through the first season they came together through a combination of wit, stubbornness, compassion and intelligence, and it’s those qualities that draw me to people in my own life.

Those characteristics also made me fall hard for Sharon. Most of the women my age on TV are moms who play secondary characters (two things that I’m not and don’t aspire to be), but Sharon Raydor was, from her introduction, a badass police captain who happened to be a mom and happened to be over the age of 40 and happened to be the unapologetic boss. She was important despite (and because of) being a mother and a woman over 40, and she wasn’t willing to be dismissed because she was a mother and a woman over 40. She was important because she was a high-ranking professional, completely at ease with being a woman in a male-dominated field and not afraid to tell men who outranked her to shut up and sit down, and to quote @dillydallyy, shove a feminist foot right up someone’s ass. I’ve worked in television and commercial real estate, both traditionally male-dominated fields, and being the only woman in a room full of men…that’s my life. Every damn day. And to see a woman, not just in the same position but in a leadership role, OMG. Yes, kick them in the ass with your feminist heels and stroll out of the room in your Armani suit.

This kind of character is so rare, especially on network TV and basic cable. I wish I had some statistics handy, but the reality is, it’s rare to find a show that features women in prominent leadership roles, and when we find them, yeah…we’re going to be pissed when they’re taken away. I’m pissed. I’M SO PISSED. I have very little representation to fall back on, especially since I’m a huge cheapskate and I ditched cable TV a year and a half ago.

Speaking of representation, I’d like to go off for about ten thousand words about Sharon Raydor and even Brenda Johnson as powerful role models cast as lead tv characters, the lack of women writers and directors in the media, and what it means to women like myself over the age of (cough) 40 to see a lead character in a highly-rated tv show, but…I just can’t. I’ve been living in a state of feminist rage for a long time now, but I will say that watching Sharon die killed off a little bit of myself that felt so hopeful, especially in a storyline that was so timely in portraying what a woman has to go through to be successful and recognized – or hell, even employed – in the world today. Again, not to pile on James Duff, but killing off the lead female character at the tail end of a story arc that kills off women…it really hurts. It may not have been his intention, but it was my perception as a woman who watches the show. And killing off the lead female character before delving into the last story arc that is going to be the culmination of several years of plot points…listen, I’m with Mary. I don’t like guns. I don’t like violence. I don’t watch this show to watch Sharon Raydor shoot a dirtbag between the eyes with a bb pellet (but HOT DAMN THAT WAS AWESOME), but I also don’t want to see the strong female lead drop dead from a deus ex machina plot point before the story reaches the crucial point that has been building for several seasons. For Sharon to be gone, that means the rest of the story will be told through the male gaze, and…you know, I’m trying to be respectful and trying to be on board with that, but it’s not what I, as a woman, hoped for. I didn’t need Sharon to go in guns a-blazing, but I did need her to be a part of the final chapter of this show and of this story that she was so heavily invested in, because otherwise, how is it not yet another example of the woman dying and the men living on to tell the story? Brenda first and Sharon second were so pivotal in putting Stroh in the crosshairs, and having both of them out of the story…it’s just another cop show with men outgunning men.

And finally, I will say, for the fans who love and live and breathe these characters, watching Sharon and Andy walk off hand-in-hand is exactly the ending that we wanted, because it means that, truly, Sharon Raydor lives on. In our imaginations, in our stories, in our funny banter back and forth while we argue on social media over whether Sharon drinks tea or coffee. Long after the writers and actors and crew members move on to other jobs, the fans will still be holding on to these characters. For Sharon to die, it kills a big part of what makes fandom so special, the part that takes these people we’ve known and loved for so long and lets us as fans breathe our own bits of life into them long after the network has shut them down. Holding on to that years after the show ends isn’t disrespecting the writers or the actors; doing that means that after TNT killed the show that we love, we can still believe that Sharon and Andy are out there, somewhere, solving crimes or cuddling on the couch or choosing new ballet artwork to hang in their condo. We can write it, we can joke about it, we can picture it so clearly. Killing Sharon killed that bit of infinity in the imagination that lingers after the show ends. I can, and have, and will rewatch the episodes that we have, but from a fan’s perspective, the idea that the character is never truly gone only exists when the character isn’t truly gone. Saying goodbye to Sharon as a character is about a thousand percent harder to saying goodbye to the show, because saying goodbye to Sharon as a character IS saying goodbye to the show. I’ll watch the next four episodes, but it’s going to be with a heavier heart than I ever imagined.

[pungent-things]

Greater Dreams and Open Letters: Part 2

Greater Dreams and Open Letters: Part 1

A full year has passed since Shane Newville’s Open Letter to All Who Treasured Monty Oum. Many people want to forget this letter existed, and I don’t blame them. The amount of turmoil and conflict this letter brought forth was severe, traumatizing, even. People took multiple sides by supporting Shane, Rooster Teeth, or opting to wait out the storm. It was not a good few weeks to be in any fandom related to Rooster Teeth.

Ultimately, nothing happened. Rooster Teeth never acknowledged the letter’s existence. Total silence. People gradually forgot about the letter and standard fandom operations resumed.

Why bring it back now after so much strife? Good question.

In my previous post (linked at the top) I was quite clearly on Shane Newville’s side, and I still am. Time has passed since then, and I’m still searching for closure.

According to Wikipedia, Rooster Teeth was acquired by Fullscreen in early November of 2014, for an undisclosed amount under the guise of “gaining the resources and tools needed to compete against other producers”. When was the last time you heard of a company buy-out another for an “undisclosed amount”, especially from a company that prides itself with being open to its community? This lack of disclosure becomes an alarming trend, especially when Shane’s Open Letter gets involved.

February 2, 2015. People were told Monty Oum died from an allergic reaction during a simple medical procedure. It took 15 months to find out the “allergic reaction” was from a maintenance allergy shot. Why keep this information from the public? For the longest time, many people believed the reaction was caused by anesthesia, which would have made sense. But a maintenance allergy shot? Inside of a hospital? Where these procedures are performed on a regular basis?

He [Monty] had only gone in for a maintenance allergy shot— this sort of thing doesn’t happen. -Page 15, At the Hospital

Shane suspected something wasn’t right.

Rarely, a serious systemic reaction called anaphylaxis (pronounced an-a-fi-LAK-sis) can develop. Symptoms include swelling in the throat, wheezing, a feeling of tightness in the chest, nausea or dizziness. Most serious systemic reactions develop within 30 minutes of allergy shots. This is why it is strongly recommended you wait in your doctor’s office for 30 minutes after your injections. Your allergist is trained to watch for reactions, and his or her staff is trained and equipped with the proper medications to identify and treat them. -Source in reblog

I have to ask why this detail was omitted from Rooster Teeth’s original announcement of Monty’s death. When Satoru Iwata died later that year, the details surrounding his death were made fully available to the public. So, why not for Monty? Why omit so much? Did the full story make the circumstances surrounding his death suspicious? Was the vague report just a trap to stop people from looking into things further?

I was suspicious from the very start. Whenever someone neglects to tell the full truth, my trust in them drops significantly, and this was the second instance of omitting the truth in three months.

There are three major points in the Open Letter that I want to draw attention to:

In fact, throughout Volume 2 and up to his death, Monty was trying to figure out a way to take RWBY offsite to his own studio (likely somewhere in LA), with his own team (myself, Sheena, Kristina Haku Nguyen, Max Song, Ein Lee, maybe a few more animators, etc.) so we could craft it the way he intended it to be from the start.

[...]

Of course that was not exactly a realistic situation... at least not yet. But he wanted to do things his way. He did not like what was happening and where production was taking things as it continued to grow bigger and less efficient. -Page 13, A Small Team

After much discussion over coffee he came up with an awesome tool for Poser he called the “Pivot Tool”, where we could easily animate the change of weapon parenting from its holster, from one hand to the other, or both, etc. It would let us change between world and local rotation, and it had a built­in blur tool for weapon spinning. It was something we had been hoping to make for years and it was finally ready to go. However, for Volume 3 they decided we weren’t allowed to use this awesome tool because it “breaks” the new pipeline they implemented.

Monty also developed a facial rig to make all the new animators happy. Everyone else on the team came from the professional industry where they are used to using Maya and standard face rigs with little objects off to the side representing the eyes, brows, mouth, etc. Monty’s tool simulated those facial rigs that Maya animators were used to using because they kept complaining about how much easier it was to do in Maya. Unfortunately, no one got to use it because it was later decided not to be important enough, or something. So this tool went to waste. -Page 12, New Tools

Monty liked to create characters based on people that he knew. Winter Schnee was created in Sheena’s likeness, and it was his intention that she would also be doing her voice. Sheena is a great concept artist and had already crafted her design. This had been approved by Monty for Volume 3 back in December of 2013. Not only did Rooster Teeth take away any possibility of Sheena playing the part, the design was scrapped and recreated as what we eventually saw in Volume 3. -Page 18-19, Winter Schnee

These three points are some of the most important parts of Shane’s Open Letter.

The first point: Monty taking RWBY offsite with a small team, including his wife, Sheena Duquette. Ideally, Monty should never have considered taking production offsite if his current studio at Rooster Teeth wholly supported his workflow. The simple fact that he wanted to should speak volumes about what he thought of standardization. Not to mention that Rooster Teeth saw fit to ignore Monty’s workflow, which had worked for the company for years, in order to conform to industry standards.

The second point: New tools for Poser. I’m no animator, but I can understand how useful the tools Shane described could be when it comes to animating. The facial animation tool could be seen as an olive branch toward the standardization Rooster Teeth was undergoing. Many of the animators worked with Maya, which came with tools for facial animation, tools that Monty did his best to emulate. Unfortunately for Rooster Teeth, that meant sticking with Poser instead of converting to Maya, lest they invoke Monty’s wrath. Monty’s popularity meant that Rooster Teeth couldn’t say no in order to keep him from turning his fanbase against the company. How strange for Monty to fall into a coma less than a month after developing these new tools.

The third point: Winter Schnee and Sheena Duquette. For some unknown excuse, Rooster Teeth despises Sheena.

It was at some point in March that we finally had our first pre­-pre-­production meeting to start talking about how to move forward with the show. Right away, one of the producers made a strong statement that I did not like.

“Just so you know, Sheena has absolutely no business, whatsoever, with any part of RWBY.”

It was clearly aimed at me, the only one in the room who actually spent time with Sheena and Monty discussing RWBY. -Page 16, March

These people singled out Sheena, announced her alienation as their first order of business in their first meeting, and no one has any idea as to why. Monty approved of Sheena’s design of Winter Schnee back in December of 2013, and even wanted her to voice the character. Why would Rooster Teeth spend the resources to fully scrap a Monty Oum approved character design and defy his wishes? Why is Sheena portrayed as such a threat to them?

These points feel more like a motive than anything else.

Rooster Teeth wanted to standardize their work environment and alienate Sheena, for some excuse. Monty got in the way just by doing what he loved for the fans. How does a corporation deal with someone like this?

The thing is, Rooster Teeth might not have had a choice. It is completely possible that Fullscreen was the one to make the decision in the end.

RWBY was gaining popularity at an astounding rate. Fullscreen wanted to profit from its success, so they offered to buy Rooster Teeth and provide the “resources and tools” that would undoubtedly interfere with Monty’s workflow and original vision. Rooster Teeth couldn’t say no, but Monty would have rejected those “resources and tools” vehemently. As soon as Monty and Shane develop their own animation tools that likely emulated those provided by Fullscreen, Monty suddenly falls into a coma and dies ten days later.

Instead of having to deal with the crippling aftermath of Monty taking RWBY development off-site, he dies, Rooster Teeth and by extension Fullscreen get to enjoy a massive wave of monetary support on the deceased image of a Hero, and no one ever thinks to suspect foul play.

Coincidences don’t line up like this by mistake. Something rotten occurred at Rooster Teeth, and I would love to hire a private investigator to find out exactly what happened.

[tobns]

so even though i literally owe no one a single explanation, i wanted to take a second while i’m not doing much of anything and...ramble, i guess, about the last month or so. feel free to look at it under the cut, and even if you don’t read all of it, just peep at the first paragraph, it’s for you!

i guess i’ll preface this by saying TO ALL OF THE NEW PEOPLE WHO’VE FOLLOWED ME OVER THE LAST FEW DAYS: hi hello welcome to my blog i’m em and i love you, you are very special and worthy and amazing and i hope you enjoy my blog and the shit i post and know i consider you a friend and am here for you always if you ever wanna talk or need someone to vent to about literally anything from real world problems to fandom feels, i got you ♡

before i begin, if you read ANY part of this below pretty pretty please send asks in my inbox telling me what you think, alright??? ‘cause i do need opinions on some stuff below, so thank you thank you thank you in advance!!!

moving along!

so, number one: as you can probably tell, writing has been kinda slim to none around here lately, and i really don’t know what to tell y’all. i don’t have any kind of grand “oh i’ve been away!” excuse, my reasoning is pretty straightforward — my motivation has been low, i’ve been putting a little more time into exploring solo muses/characters, and as of the last week or so, completely had it with certain, toxic as hell fandoms. one of my really good friends makes youtube videos and she made a video this last week i resonated so much with, where she basically talked about how she was turning youtube into a chore and wasn’t having any fun with it. she was making layouts and trying to pep herself into actually Doing Shit and when the time came, she was completely disappointed with the quality or couldn’t bring herself to finish, and i was screaming “why is this my life??” the whole damn time because i absolutely could relate to it. watching that video made me realize that a) i was turning my fic writing/video editing into something like a chore, i was beating myself up when i didn’t do something on time and could never get it done when i forced myself to work on stuff and that’s so the wrong way to go about it, and b) i’m just not really passionate about what i’m writing now. i’m not. do i love cdg/grey’s? yes, i do, and i still have every intention to finish that story. but like i said, i realized earlier that this is not my job. no one other than myself is forcing me to crank out updates, and the reason i force myself to crank out these updates is because i’m scared that if i take time away from my stuff, when i come back to it, i’ve lost a readership. and it’s incredibly, incredibly hard finding a balance — i want an audience because what’s the point in sharing my shit if no one else is looking, but at the same time i also want to take my time with stories on days where i don’t feel motivated and want to be a little lazy and still maintain that readership, not have them jump ship. i and i’ve had it happen and it completely stripped my desire to even WRITE for a fandom away, and i love grey’s too much to ever want that to happen. but of course, lately all i feel inspired to write is slexie, which died out five years ago, so my readers are slim as is. see my dilemma? it’s a hard, hard thing for me to find a perfect balance with because i either work myself into the ground or neglect it entirely, but it all comes back to the root of this: i’ve come back to terms with the fact that this is not my job, i’m not answering to anyone other than me, i don’t have a paycheck on the line, i’m not under any other restrictions other than the ones i set for myself, and i’m just overall too hard on myself when it comes to something THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. it’s supposed to be FUN. FANDOM. IS. SUPPOSED. TO. BE. FUN.

and so that’s what i’m trying to do. have fun. write the stuff i want to write because i want to write it, not because i’m feeling obligated or pressuring myself to, but because i’m passionate about it and i want to write it. the saying’s true, if you’re passionate about what you’re putting your effort into, it shows, and i think that is certainly true for all of the fics that have seen any sort of remote success, save for a couple. when my heart’s in the right place, the reactions reflect, and even though that’s a very fucking blind process for me to trust, i’m gonna trust it. 

therefore, i have a fewwwwww little things i wanna let you know about if you do follow my creations

i’ll start with the short one: videos. 

i have not been inspired to make another fucking video because, once again, i keep comparing my shit to others and just not having fun, making it into a job and thinking more about the destination rather than the journey (a very big problem i have that i’m trying to work on). if i’m passionate about it, expect me to edit it. it may not be the greatest, most wonderful video on youtube you’ve EVER SEEN, but i just wanna edit stuff that makes me happy. expect videos for fics that i’ll touch on below, expect videos with more of my favorite musicians and shows and just less of the shit i don’t really want to edit. (this is me, repeating this phrase a lot in order for it to sink into my brain and register okay)

and...now for the not so short one (i’m trying to make this as spaced out, brief and organized as possible for your reading convenience if you’re still fucking reading this lmao): fics.

cdg is the only fic i am going to go forward with updating right now out of all the ones you see on my fic page (which i’m gonna update soon) i got a super sweet review a few days ago that really made me want to keep moving forward. when you’ll see an update? i can’t say. i’m gonna rework some of my outlines and then go from there, but it will be updated. have no fear. xx

i really don’t know if any of you remember/are interested, but ever since 2013, i’ve had an ongoing fic series (the only thing i’ve ever written a sequel for EVER) that’s a hunger games x avengers crossover. the first one is atrocious, honestly, second one is only slightly better, but i’m on the third sequel and lately, i’ve just been dying to do more with it, since i’m actually feeling good about the mcu again with spiderman and the new trailer releases? the fic’s called cataclysm, you can read the first chapter (from a year ago lmao) here if you’d like; to me, this was my fun way of combining super special fandoms for me together. basically, if you want a synopsis of what i did (back 4 years ago) was essentially write katniss into the mcu films. i wrote lights out four years ago and it is...cringe, there’s a good story there if you overlook my shitty deliverance, and i’ve always been pretty proud of the tone inferno took on, even if there’s some stuff i’d like to edit and whatnot. i’m going to try and continue on with cataclysm because it’s what i’m really pumped about right now, and i’ve got a few little things i’d love for y’all to help me with:

#1 — i obviously post this on ffnet, would you like me to also post cataclysm updates to ao3?

which leads into this — if i post to ao3, would you want me to import the other two stories into ao3 as well? fair warning: i’d probably give a solid day to tweaking and editing lights out and that’s it, i could take that fic apart and rewrite it to be much better but that’s simply not something i’m interested in nor do i want to spend my time on. like i said, i wrote it 4 years ago. it’s no longer my best, it’s kind of incredibly rough around the edges, and could i have done better with crafting the storylines and making things feel a little more natural? yeah, especially now that i’ve worked her into 3+ movie storylines and have had the practice. but that’s beside the point. you’d have to essentially take it as it is and i’d probably disable comments on the first two for my own sake of mind — ao3 gives me a lot of stress and it’s why i don’t like updating on there (oh look, more confessionals!) because i feel an immense load of pressure to impress and write up to a certain bar instead of writing true to my voice. 

please don’t expect any sg fics out of me for awhile. i haven’t talked much about this since the implosion of the fandom, but i’m just not comfortable right now touching any of it with a ten foot pole. like i said, it’s not fun for me, i don’t wanna write it and i’m not about to force myself and be miserable. 

depending on where i get, i have plenty of slexie/japril fic ideas that i’d love to put into use, and we’ll see how things go!

so yeah, basically, what you should take away from this is that i’m putting a fucking finish on stressing myself out so much; i’m going to go back to focusing more on the process instead of the result, and i’m just gonna have fun with shit. i look back on my posts 5 years ago when i was writing thg fanfics and god, while i was a mess, i could tell how much fun i was having in the process and i just wanna get back to that? and that’s what i’m gonna do

i love you guys, i love creating stuff and sharing it with you guys, and i love this blog. xxxx

[itsjohnegman]

OOC: 1 Year Anniversary (2/4/2017)

((Boy, we sure have come a long way huh?

I wouldn’t say either represents my best works, but they SURE are different. My boy’s different! It’s a whole new world honestly.

I’m gonna get nostalgic below the cut, and do some shout outs–guys, it has been a  r i d e.

I never thought I’d get as far as I did. I’d only RPd once before on Tumblr; it was an Aurora from Sleeping Beauty, and as lovely as she was to explore she didn’t quite click for me. I wasn’t used to keeping a character long term asides–within the year she was gone, though I hang onto her blog for nostalgia’s sake.

A year a go near exactly, @dcstrider went and told me “you know, I think you’d make a good Johh.” John isn’t exactly the character I would have considered ever playing, nor Homestuck the fandom I’d have ever thought to RP in, but seeing Max work was inspiring. One muse, multiple years, off canon while still keeping to the truest spirit of the character, a created verse of shared experiences and rps and art and music…I didn’t know if I was going to be able to pull it off, but boy did I want to try.

I made my John knowing full well I wouldn’t be able to play him close to canon. How could I, a kid who’d just been diagnosed with their anxiety/depression combo for the first time, possibly play a guy who gadflys and pisses people off without so much as a second thought? After playing years of one-shot one-month-tops characters in tabletop with friends who very rarely remembered mun =/= muse, I wasn’t certain if that was the kind of impression I wanted to make on the RP community for my first character. But I didn’t want to make what they call the ‘uwu john’, as cathartic as some players find to make that–defanging him would lose the point of playing him for me, make it so I might as well have just picked up Aurora again. How to reconcile all that?

I did what I love best, and overthought it. John in turn became a character who overthought, over analyzed, remained aware and anxious of their every impression. Like someone had gotten through to him how he was, to somewhat disastrous effect for his persona. And why would that happen? The thought train carried on from there, becoming the basis for what would be his timeline, the Sleeper’s Dream timeline, which I used this anniversary to tease at a little.

I was worried of how I was going to get along on the blog, assuring myself that no activity for starts is normal. And it was–by just doing my own thing for a bit and following people Max recommended to me, I started to gain followers. Interact with them. Flesh out my online RPing style, and as eager as I was for things to HAPPEN to John, they really DID start to happen. I said once ‘you know maybe I won’t be one of those RPers with a group of core buddies, a lot of experiences and changes, one of those blogs that really looks like stuff happened to them, but I’ll be fine just to interact.’ And look now! Several core groups of homies, a bunch of other followers I don’t interact with as often but love to see out and about. 

And you know what, this blog has been an unprecedented situation for me. I went through a lot of changes and discoveries about my own neurodivergences and coping mechanisms while playing John, and I think probably thanks to him a little. And I made a lot of breakthroughs while playing him as an rper and person too--learning a bit how to deal with the ill feeling of confrontation or angst my avoidant ass tries to keep away from, how to breath and communicate past anxiety when reminding myself my rp partners do in fact want to rp with me, more solid exercises in separating mun and muse, handling written angst and muse portrayals responsibly... lots and lots of breakthroughs.

One of the most important though was I had never had a muse that 'grew and chose on their own', like writers talk about so intently. This time though, I got it--I KNEW John's opinions, or his emotions to something ran counter to mine, and what I'd sometimes dismissed as poetic sentiment by authors really started happening, even as I took on new muses, and as someone who lives in their internal world often nothing has been a greater joy sans the friends I've made here.

The reaction to John has been nothing short of stunning--people reflecting on him, engaging with him, messing with him or lusting or pining over him.... You guys and your muses have been just wonderful to me and him. So guys, I just gotta say; thank you, for having me a part of your community. With all my muses, John included, I hope to have a whole lot more stories to tell together.

Alright, that mush out of the way! Now to shout outs.

First one is of course @dcstrider . You got me into this, sonwife, and I couldn’t be more excited to be here. I know we can’t get our muses to talk, but you continue to support, indulge and promo me and DC’s still very much in my orbit in all those respects as well. Here’s to more good, gay times! (I’d say more and make this bigger but I can just gush in person, dweeb)

@virxdian you were probably the very first to follow and the first to engage. I know we don’t keep in contact much now, but you were the first contact--thank you so much, and I hope Kanaya’s story continues to bloom in paths you love. I wish had more to say, but we only interact so much--still, you have a very special place in my heart. Thank you again!

@jazzifiant you reached out to me in a different way--my first OOC chat, one we have never looked back from since. Watching you play your muses and understand them the way you do is amazing, and as bad of practice as it is it makes it difficult sometimes to separate muse from mun for how much I want to shove my boys at your boys. They’re so  LOVELY and so are YOU, instantly recognizable from your adorable love for math and your fall kitty aesthetic and the lovely snaps of Beau you’ll send us.  Honestly? My ‘type so fast you typo’ ooc talking style is accidentally copied from you. :/ Sorry about that.... You and Shan are my h*ckers, and I really can’t tell you how much it means to me that you have let me into your worlds and Shou into your character’s hearts. You are a joy to wake up to, to rp with, to plot and talk to. I can’t wait to see you in the chat. ;3

@aalexmiller the sweetest, softest Shan.... Queen of the Longtypes and inventor of Ideas... talking to you is so good Shan, it’s like floating in warm cinnamon milk...comforting and gentle but far from bland, peppy and sweet and nostalgic almost. You bring soft sweetness with you wherever you go--not to doubt your capabilities to be hardcore in any way, it’s simply your online aura. You’re beyond just softness though--you’re clever as hell too, grasping Sburb concepts and trivia that flee my mind completely and coming up with interesting ideas about the world and the mechanisms off the top of your head. On top of that, you brave a cold and unforgiving cyberscape with not just one, but TWO ocs as your muses and you have made them as complex and interesting as any canon character muse while keeping them and their motivations wholly different. You are a wonder and a delight Shan, and it’s an honor to get to talk to you every day. I can’t wait to talk to you next!

@di-stri-ai Voss, you have tried so hard for my sake. You are admitted online to your anxiousness, and I know it’s so tough to work past that to engage. You’ve gotten amazing headway though, and your muses and art are SO good--please feel free to be confident, I know it’s easy for me to say but people REALLY like your muses and art, and you can totally be proud of that. I gotta buck up and kick some of that good plot jazz off--and I wanna meet up with you irl more often too! I’ll try to text more often--I just want you to know that you’re way important to me, as a friend and as an rp buddy, and I always wanna be able to support you, in this endeavor or in any others.

@asomatousaria I need to make muses who aren’t so intimidated by yours/reach out better, because you are always incredibly fun to talk to. Indulgent and intelligent beyond measure, getting my muses or myself roasted on your psychanalysist rotisserie is always an eye opening and fun as hell experience. It takes me all my willpower to not just throw all my muses at you and ask you to take em to pieces. (whoops, that sounds dirty. :/ sorry bout that) Your grasp of character, motivation, and psyche is impressive beyond belief, and even with your reassurance and total Hamildork/DisneyDork thing going on I often remain intimidated enough to forget to reach out first. ; ~ ; I gotta work on that.... Emi, you’re sharp as a whip, patient and I can’t wait to kick my own ass into doing more with you.

@bvllheaded

I’m not revealing who’s in first place of the ‘Gay for Shou’ club is, but including both fictional and real people you are absolutely in the top five Kera. It’s so much fun rping with you, and as hard of a time as you give yourself for taking your time it’s always SO worth it when it comes around. I eagerly await each ‘installment’ of our rps, because everything that comes of it is so good--we jive and share lots of interests, and that makes the experience all that much more rewarding. Not to mention, you and Jelly have been reteaching me the freedom of fan characters--the fun in it, and the fun in being in an enthusiastic community with others who are just as excited. It’s a blast, and I’m so ready for more.

@canterintuitive

I met you through Kera, and all I knew at first was ‘That person on the Zelda AU RP that whips out really good ref art from nowhere’ which quickly turned into ‘That person on the Zelda AU RP that MAKES really good ref art from nowhere wtf how’. From there, it’s been a fairly new process but it’s incredibly fun to talk to you--both ooc and ic. All your craft is so GOOD and all your characters are so DEFINED, it’s incredible work. Not to mention you’re?? Adorable?? Peter Pan-sthetic is so cute?? I’m honored to be taking on Sam from you, and I hope to do her justice.

@idiotsyncrasis

our gay boys... our gay, gay boys. You are the first to RP a romantic relationship with Shou, and it’s been really interesting negotiating that out via their interactions. It’s a little catch and grab since we let circumstance dictate, but I’d like to think these two are gonna be alright. II know both boys have their problems, but I’m really hoping for some happy gayness in their futures. Your writing is also a joy to behold, meaning these interactions become detailed and lovely. Thank you for being on board with these guys and their eventual happiness. May their gay times intensify and their hearts be light!

If I didn’t get to you here it’s likely cause I’m finishing this up on mobile and about to get dragged into another day of IRL responsibilities, but there’s a lot of people I want to thank for being there, rping with me, and talking to me! So many of you guys I wanna rp with more and get to know....and I have finally made a muse that has lived long enough to feel he’ll be around for longer yet to do so.Here’s to a year of good times, and the hope for many more!