#//I HAVEN'T HAD IT HAPPEN YET BUT I'VE HAD IT HAPPEN IN DISCO CONVERSATIONS

[oceanoecielo]

▸   @stillgrows  ​ ⟶   ❛  ❛  don't you think you've already done enough damage for one day?  ❜ // from martin, persnaps  ❜   ╱   (  forty questions , accepting .  )

“Damage?” Simon echoed, pale eyes wide, his usual smile suppressed but lurking just below the surface, ready to spring forward again at a moment’s notice.  The tips of his bony fingers brushed against the corner of Martin’s desk.  “I would hope that I wouldn’t get that from you, of all people.  Really, I’ve done nothing but help you… as well as I can, anyway.”  He couldn’t help his lack of knowledge because everything about the Fears was approximation and guesswork.  They were, by their very natures, utterly incomprehensible.

“I see no reason why we shouldn’t be…”  He trailed off, changing the direction of his sentence because he knew better than to use the f-word in its noun form around someone so heavily entrenched in the Lonely.  “…Friendly,” he rectified, raising his eyebrows.  The corners of his mouth got away from him, and a tiny smile broke through his best efforts.

“Really, I don’t want to hurt you, and you’ve already told me it would be perfectly useless to try.”  Without an exploitable fear of heights, Martin presented Simon with little more than a colossal waste of energy, and he would rather feed the Vast with people who didn’t require as much preparation.

“The way I see it—”  Simon paused, correct himself again.  Conversing with Martin, who came with so many strong biases, was a veritable minefield.  “Well… I must admit that I don’t understand where your profound dislike of me comes from.”  Now, he did allow his grin to overtake him, although he tried to keep it polite, innocent.  Truthfully, he had some inkling about it.  It was a test to see if Martin was still lying to himself about caring for more than a single person.  If Simon could get Martin to admit that anyone other than Jon was barely a blip on his existential radar, well… maybe they would be in business, after all.

[kiba-the-lucky]

Disco Elysium (SPOILERS)

I played through Disco Elysium a while ago. I recommend it if you haven't tried it yet... Don't buy it though, money doesn't go to the original devs anymore, and the people it does go to are shady af.

So, I had tried to play through the game before, but was never really able to actually get through much of the game. Very un-motivated at the time.

But a while ago I actually started a playthrough I'd be able to finish, and I gotta say, I love the game, best game ever made to be honest. Genuinely beats out any other game I've ever played, and that I'd ever play. So I'm making this post to share my experience, and the paths I took to complete it.

Day 1

Sobriety

I easily remembered the whole of the intro, the first day is all I've played at this point, and anything outside of the intro in the Whirling in Rags I did not remember.

I chose one of the template builds, the Thinker, and immediately started thinking of what kind of character I wanted this sad sad man to be. I ultimately decided in making him an ace detective, and horrible socialite, and also swearing him off of alcohol. Pretty much the opposite I imagined he was like before the INCIDENT.

He woke up, he grabbed his things, took a look in the mirror, and saw the beautiful man I would be playing for the rest of the game.

Behold!

He went outside to grab his other shoe, and then conversed with his neighbor for a bit, her being confused at his lack of understanding of who, what, where, why, and how he is. He goes downstairs and meets Kim Katsuragi, his new partner. When asked his name, he came up with "Raphael Ambrosius Costeau." This obviously wasn't his name, as faint bits of memory would later return in the form of "Harrier".

He would then go on to talk to the few people inside the Whirling in Rags at the time, learning about his new debt, and his job as a police officer. Learning about the world as he investigates. Once arriving at the crime scene he immediately throws up. Putting off investigating the body until later. He would investigate everyone around the crime scene, and those at the traffic blockade nearby. Getting a bit of a picture, multiple men carrying a man from a mercenary group to hang him on a tree, the main questions being: Why? Who? Was the man alive at the time, or already killed? He came back to the body, somehow resisting the urge to hurl his internal contents out into the now pre-stained ground. he was able to investigate some while the body hung, but he had an idea, a better idea. Asking for Kim's gun, he was somehow able to convince Kim that he would be able to shoot the body down. And he did it, after all, even if he doesn't remember, he took more off days at shooting ranges than anyone else in his precinct. He was a skilled shooter, and he knew it.

He tried his best to inspect the body, and did a decent job at it, but felt like he wasn't done, and took the body to a fridge to keep it cold to investigate tomorrow. He then went to go talk to the one person available he had not contacted yet.

God, he's ugly.

Managing to avoid sitting in THE CHAIR, he was able to get some information out of Evrart, namely the location of his gun, a rather important thing to have, and a bad thing to lose. Who knows what sort of malicious individual could have found it, and be actively using it for CRIME??

He took the money from Evrart, not because he was agreeing to help him, but because he needed to pay his debt.

He passed by the shipping container, and after yelling at the doors once, he pulled out his crowbar and tried to pry the doors open. In absolute disbelief, he managed to

WHAT THE FUCK

Quickly forgetting about what just happened, and whether or not he thinks capitalism is even an okay practice, he absconds with even more money than he came in with. And investment he said, somehow finagling a cool hundred into his pocket.

At this point, there wasn't much left to do, he had people to interrogate still, but they were elsewhere at the time. So he went back to his room, paid off his debt, and slept the day away.

...But not before tricking Kim into sleeping, and stealing the boots off the dead body, vowing to find the rest of the armor.

Day 2

The Hardie Boys

He went through a whole day without drinking, this is good, this is healing. He knew what he needed to do this day, and first went to investigate the body, as it was early in the day, and the Hardie Boys weren't at their spot yet.

He looked over spots he had already looked at before, but noticed something new.

A bullet hole, in the back of the neck of the body.

This is it, this is new, this implies that the hanging was not the true cause of death, or at least puts it into question.

He was hung post-mortem.

He went to the Hardie Boys for their interrogation at this point. They proved to be very... Strange. It's like they wanted to make themselves seem guilty, practically admitting outright that they hung the body, that they killed them. With the evidence of the bullet hole, this seemed off.

There was nothing else to do at this point.

He went to talk to someone who was near the tree where the body hung, and got directions to a piece of armor.

Harrier told Kim to bring the body back to the police while he went to sleep after a hard day's work.

Day 3

Communism

At this point, Harrier is getting a semblance of personality, a crucial part of any personality being, of course, politics. Harrier became a communist, partially due to the debt really cementing in his mind the idea of the cost of living being bullshit, but mostly just reflecting the beliefs of the player controlling him, who is also a communist.

Before his time, his prime time, Harrier's prime time, there was a war that broke out on this island, a fight between a group of revolutionary communists, and the government, a fight which, ultimately ended with the government winning. Of course, by the time of Harrier, this war was a distant memory of the older people of the island, specifically two people, two possibly gay men who both fought on different sides of the war.

A thought in Harrier's head as he investigated more of the surrounding areas of the body, was that, what if he, himself was the reincarnation of the founder of communism, Kras Mazov?

This was a stupid thought. He kept this thought for the rest of his life.

I'm starting to forget many small details at this point, so I'm going to skim through things.

At this point, Harrier was going into the fishing village, and there... He found his lost badge. In a car. Crashed into the ground. After it had been driven over the bridge connecting the village to the city. Which broke the bridge.

Harrier also joined a group of communists, although it wasn't what he expected, he had a good time with them, whether or not they are fit to lead a new-era revolution. They were fun.

During this time, Harrier also got really into the idea of cryptozoology. Becoming friends with a patron at the Whirling in Rags, and being asked to find her husband, a cryptozoologist. He was found at the fishing village, and he started helping him catch a cryptid, a sort of large bug of sorts, setting traps and lures to try and catch it.

At this point, he also talked to a friend of said cryptozoologist, noticing something strange about him, he got this friend to reveal that he had been keeping, and wearing, a piece of armor belonging to the hanged man.

He had acquired all of the pieces of armor he could at this point.

Day 4

Pew Pew

Today was the day. The day the gun would be found. Harrier's pistol.

It had originally been sold to a pawn shop, then bought by someone, and until today, the identity of that person was a mystery.

That person is "The Pigs", a policiphiliac, a wannabe cop. Possibly insane. Taking multiple things belonging to police, she pretended to be one. In front of the police. Harrier managed to talk her down, and was able to acquire his pistol, before telling her off and continuing the investigation.

It was at this point Harrier had found his style. He was a communist, unfortunately trapped within a reality of ultra-captialism. And at this point he didn't care who knew, which was perfect as he had found a had, a winter hat, worn by those during the war who had sided with the commune.

And thus. Harrier, ultra-communist, was finished.

And he looked damn good.

He also became very good friends with Kim yesterday, and was able to show off his sick pinball skills to him, managing to actually win a game. I only just remembered that.

His investigation was going well, as he was talking to his neighbor again. Klaasje. With her, investigating reports of sexual assault by the victim, reported by the Hardie Boys, although unintentionally. Harrier almost had a mental breakdown, losing touch with his multiple thought-personalities in the process of interrogating her. She revealed to him what actually happened with the victim...

Ellis Kortenaer, an Oranjese mercenary, and Klaasje's lover. During a party involving the Hardie Boys, she and Ellis had went up to her room, and FUCKED had private involvements within. This caught the attention of a so-called corporate assassin, who then shot Ellis in the back of the neck, while he was on top of her. Using his high perception, Harrier took into account the angles, the bullet hole in the window of the balcony, and where Ellis would have been when he was shot.

He deducted that there would only be three places where a possible killer could have be posted.

Klaasje, afterwards fearing that the bullet that hit Ellis was meant for her, and thinking if she covered it up as a group hanging it would not be noticed by who was after her, she gathered the Hardie Boys and another accomplice, deeply involved with the drug issues in Revachol, to fake a hanging.

Kim suggested they arrest her, but another option was to give her a note that makes her obligated to turn herself in.

Harrier took this option, at the behest of his easily-manipulated psyche, his inner thoughts, his personality. Although his volition was against it, his gut feeling, it told him to get Kim to arrest her here and now, but Harrier was too easily convinced by his other, compromised thought-patterns.

Within the day, he investigated two of the earlier mentioned killer's locations, noting that one has had no human life within it for weeks, if not months, the other, he was unable to rule out, being very secluded.

He then investigated a lead from an earlier delve into a drug trafficking ring. Below, where he found his revolutionary hat, in a secret tunnel network. He was assaulted by the accomplice of the fake hanging, Ruby, although not a willing accomplice. Using a device to disorient the two detectives, but after they destroy the device, she threatens to shoot herself. Harrier manages to de-escalate the situation, promising not to arrest her if she puts the gun down, and telling her they just want to talk to her. She does drop the gun, but runs afterwards, back towards central Revachol. Following her, the detectives stumble upon a most troubling scene...

The Mercenary Tribunal

The time has come, a promise from the mercenaries fulfilled. On this day, they have come to exact their revenge. Confronting the Hardie Boys. The detectives intervene, guns drawn, they try to talk down the mercenaries, trying to convince them that they know who did it, that the killer is going to be found soon, but nothing works. They say they already know who did it.

Bullets fly. Time slows to a halt. Harrier has just shot the leader of the mercenaries. He tries to yell for his comrades to shoot him, but he collapses before words could leave his hole-abundant mouth. The mercenary full clad in armor raises his rifle, but Harrier manages to dodge it, while Kim aims a shot at the man. Harrier notices the mercenary standing next to the leader raise her gun, towards Kim. Before he could call out, two shots ring out. Kim is unscathed, and the fully clad shooter is killed instantly... A member of the Hardie Boys has been shot. The leader, in his dying breath, his final moments of living, shoots Harrier.

Harrier blinks, collapsed on the floor, in pain too immense to describe. A lot of good the armor did him, he thought, as he bled out on the ground, seeing in his fading vision a figure, walking up to Kim who is trying to make sure Harrier is still alive. Harrier yells out to Kim.

Day 5

Harrier Du Bois

In the Whirling in Rags, Harrier wakes up, Kim standing next to his bed, explaining the situation, and aftermath. Two Hardie Boys have been killed. All of the mercenaries are dead. Harrier is in too much pain to move properly, unable to run too much, lest the pain take him. He decides to continue the investigation anyways, just one last place to look before it's all over, an island, an abandoned base back during the war.

Harrier, trying to feel better, brings a radio on the ride to the island. It feels badass. He feels badass.

Arriving, he makes his way up to the spot he had seen from the balcony of the Whirling in Rags. On the way, he spots a man, a very old man carrying a gun used by the communist revolutionaries.

After some time of questioning, Harrier discovers this man is a deserter of the army that fought for the commune in the war. The deserter explains some things, finally tired of the life he had been living all these years.

He had been spying on Klaasje from the island, and through a peephole inside the Whirling in Rags back rooms, watching her every move, watching her sleep every night, wake up every morning, watching her stand on her balcony in fear and contentment. He developed feelings for her, through these times watching her, leaving her flowers on her balcony that bloom mainly on the island he lived on.

Something is wrong with him, clearly, but something else is there. Another presence, which shouldn't be there, shouldn't exist.

Cryptid

The creature the cryptozoologist had been chasing the whole time. It was real. It was controlling the deserter through pheromones, controlling his brain processes, making him ignore its presence, but also making him go slowly insane the whole time he had been on the island, and live longer than he had any right to. Once it appears, the link is severed, and the deserter falls limp, catatonic.

Harrier touches it, linking his own fractured psyche with the creature. The conversation is long, a talk about the pale, a mysterious force akin to radiation, that appeared along with humans to the world, although Harrier, for a moment, thinks its talking about him when it mentions the pale coming into existence with "you". It talks about the bad relations between flora and fauna, and humans, with the creatures of the world believing humans will bring the destruction of everything, eventually. It talks about its own history, about how it, as a species, has gone unnoticed for over 4,000 years.

Harrier urges Kim to take a photograph. As soon as he does, Harrier moves away, sensing hostility building up in the creature.

The creature leaves, and leaves behind its nest. In the middle of which lies a helmet, the last piece to the set of Fairweather T-500 ceramic armor.

The detectives agree to leave and, when they get back, they find police officers gathered, finally catching up to Harrier, wanting to take him off the case, thinking he'd do irreparable damage to the stability of the investigation, not knowing that he had already completed his investigation.

The police have no idea of Harrier's recovery over the past week, Kim, having become very close friends with him very quickly, backs up Harrier saying that he has completely stopped drinking, and become a very good cop as well, at the same time also becoming extremely communist, though Harrier insists it won't interfere in his work.

They reluctantly accept this, and the evidence of a cryptid with the photo that Kim took, and in the end, Harrier is back to work, along with Kim who agrees to be his partner for good.

That was my completed playthrough of Disco Elysium. And I will never play it again. I feel like if I even make one, tiny, small choice that differs from my original playthrough, I'll be betraying my original experience of the game.

I recommend, even after reading through basically the entire main plot of the game, and spoilers on the ending, that you still play through the game. This was just my one perspective, and you could get a WILDLY different experience from this. You could become a fascist if you want, or a hyper-capitalist. Or a liberal. You can become a superstar cop, or a cop who is sorry all the time.

For me, I played through the boring cop communism, while accidentally dabbling into capitalism by constantly asking for money from people.

Please don't buy the game. Play it though.

[non-binary-laurie-strode]

Zach tagged me so here we are! I'm kind of abridging and altering it a little though.

Birthday/Zodiac: April 25th, which makes me a Taurus! I found out what my other rising and stuff were once upon a conversation with Clyde, but I can't remember very well as it is not something I think about very often. I think it had Pisces rising? Perhaps. Idk what that means anymore though.

Hobbies

Film/television/theatre/performing arts: This used to be a theatre blog back in the day but as the last couple of years haven't piqued my interests too much, I have moved into film and television. I believe I am up to like 80-something (82?) movies this year because I keep count. Currently in the middle of a 1930s horror phase because it's gothic and spooky but not..... gratuitously gory or torture porn, yknow?

Pokémon/video games in general. Why yes lads, I am a #gaymer. No but really! I've had a fun time with the new Crash Team Racing game. There's a little dinosaur character called Baby T who I really like. He's smol and adorable and he drives fast. (But he's not so good on turns but that's okay.) Otherwise, I'm also in the middle of KH1, but I've been procrastinating on that because I'm in Monstro and Monstro is a maze inside of a whale and it's just a pain to get through so I haven't touched that in a few days. Also excited for the Pokémon World Championships soon!

Linguistic theory/language. It's been a hot minute since I've read any of my textbooks or really studied, but I do still very much enjoy linguistics. It's probably my favourite of the sciences. (I know it's a social science but shh.) I should get back to it, as I always say.

Favourite colours: I have really been enjoying soft springlike pastels. Pinks, yellows, greens, and blues. I also happen to think they look the best on me, so there is that too!

Favourite books movies: I've read a few books lately, but nothing stands out as being anything I would call a favourite, so I'm changing this to movies.

Halloween (1978): Pretty easily my favourite horror movie. It's not even all that technically complicated or thematically deep or anything; it'a just a fun scary story.

All About Eve (1950): Bette Davis invented acting in this movie. It's long, but it's sooooo worth seeing Bette do her thing. Bonus points for also being a Marilyn movie.

Sunset Boulevard (1950): Norma Desmond is an icon and a larger than life dame, what more do you want. Another movie that I think is pretty near perfection.

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988): Fun comedy that lovingly plays with B horror movies. Overflowing with puns and innuendo, which I love. ("How's your head? Haven't had any complaints yet." "Tell them I was more than a fantastic set of boobs: I was also a great pair of legs. And tell them! I never turned down a friend in need... Never turned down a stranger either!" It's not a joke but I also love the delivery of "That's okay. My appearence is kind of a shock to everyone.")

Last song listened to: I think it was Donna Summer's "Queen For A Day"? Not one of her big smash disco hits like Last Dance but I like it.

Last movie watched: The Vampire Bat (1933), a quick vampire story that starred involved early horror queen Fay Wray. (She was just there to smile and blink as far as I can tell, so I can't honestly say "starring" even though she was the female lead.) It was a quick one hour cheaply produced movie done by recycling the sets from Frankenstein and The Old Dark House. It was fun enough, I guess.

URL explanation: I'm non-binary and I had a Bette Davis movie phase last year and consider her one of the most legendary actresses of Hollywood past and present.

[mummified-game-review]

Babysitter Bloodbath: A Review

My D&D group said my microphone was super quiet in the last session since I've moved my computer around. Let's see if it affects my recording.

Alright here we go! Back at it again with another video. Sorry about the long vacation but I had some troubles getting the review done on the 22nd and then my motivation to make videos while on the road was lacking. I thought I could play one game on the plane, and write a review for one as well. But there was no way I was going to be able to write as efficiently as I could. For an hour. So I just played a lot of Roller Derby Disco Dodgeball. Then I had a car ride. I could have played another game and written a review while sitting in the passenger seat. But again that didn't happen. And neither did that happen on the way back home as well.

I think It was a good idea to just turn off all of this “work” that I do for the weekend. Being able to focus on having fun and not worry about making videos for a little bit. And I wasn't ready to come back to these videos quite yet so I took the rest of last week off and now I'm back and ready to get right into making these videos again.

Thank you for sticking around.

Anyway, Welcome back to Mummified Games today we are going to be talking about the Homage Horror game Babysitter Bloodbath. By Puppet Combo and Pig Farmer Games

Oh right that's why I wasn't able to get the video out on the 23rd. Cause this game sucks.

Okay let me explain my experience with this game real quick.

So back on the 23rd of July I was going to sit down and play this game and give it a good fair shake at what this game gives.

Okay this is cool retro horor style. I like what the game has going on with the herd camera angles, sort of giving it a classic horror film style mixed with a Resident Evil 1 vibe. Cool cool cool.

I thought it was funny that you can still spin the character in some of the cut scenes. That's silly.

The controls or the way that we navigate through the dialogue is a bit annoying.

So the game can be played almost exclusively with just the WASD keys and Spacebar. Walk Sara forward or backwards with W and S, and then turn her left and right with A and D. Look at things or interact with the Spacebar. All basic things.

Not the best controls, you can't move Sara as easily as compared to modern 3rd person games. But its indi and sometimes less than perfect controls can add to the gameplay and make it a more interesting experience.

The problem comes up whenever you have to make a selection in the game like saying yes and no, or conversation stuff at the start of the game. Then you can only use the mouse to make your decisions.

And the controls are mostly hands off the mouse because it also is used to control her turning and direction. So you don't want your two hands messing up where Sarah is looking or walking.

So most of the game was me playing one handed with my right under my chin sort of holding up my head. But then I would need to select something and I would have to shift my body and refine the mouse and make the selection.

A bit annoying when I could just use W and S to move the choices up and down and space to select what choice I want to make.

I'm not a developer so maybe this is a hard thing to do.

The parents leave you with the kid and they give you a number of where they can be reached. There are numbers you're expected to remember so maybe actually right it down.

The gameplay starts after this and it's fairly linear in its tasks it asks you to do. Turn on the TV, Pick up the phone, Go get a boy's number from your coat, Catch Billy, Call the boy, feed Billy cereal, get the key to the liquor cabinet, grab some boose. It's like making a star pattern all over the house.

If you’re checking everything you might find the radio and turn it on and find a new broadcast talking about how there is an escaped dangerous mental patient.

And eventually surprise surprise there is a weird sound outside and Sarah asks the boy she called over to go check it out for her.

AND THAT'S WHEN MY GAME CRASHED!

What an absolute joke!

And so friends that when my troubles with getting a video out on the 23rd started. It was about 40 minutes into a recording when I would have had to start all over again from the start.

Now this isn't entirely the game's fault. Yes there is a save feature. But it wasn't like i did a lot yet to get to this point there was no danger yet and knowing what i know now about what would come next in the game an event would have triggered that would have caused me to go save right after this.

But that's something I noticed about the game after I came back and tried to play it again after my vacation. There’s a tape that you can pick up and put into the VCR to Save your progress.

BIG COMPLAINT RIGHT HERE!

When you get the VCR you need to have the cassette to save. Well that's nothing. It's just on the desk next to the TV. It’s right there no big deal there are lots of games that need you to go do something before you can “turn on the global data history program”. Some games have silly things like this. But the problem is that once I picked it up and I used it to save the game, If I came back later Like i Did on my second play though it said I needed to get another tape to make another save.

WHAT!!!!! THE AUDACITY To make something like a save feature be a collectible thing its a JOKE! Not to mention that I've scrubbed this house from top to bottom and there are no other cassettes in this house. I have no idea what I need to do to make the game save a second time.

That's absolute bull!

So l eventually the power was cut and I had to make my way outside and see what happened.

A high stress moment happens and now i'm forced to run away and every five steps the camera is changing and it's impossible to navigate. NOT TO MENTION THAT I'M BEING CHASED BY A KILLER WITH A KNIFE!

I'm banging on the door and it's locked.

Nowhere to go trapped on the porch with a killer cause it took me forever to get there. And now I'm dead.

Okay.

Did i mention that this game is incredibly dark and hard to see anything. Most of the recording I had the same brightness settings I've had for all these game reviews but for this to be able to see anything I cracked up the recording brightness.

So its dark can't see I'm dead and now to start over half way thought this stupid babby sitting situation. Great!

Make cereal again, turn on the tv again. EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAIN! Because I used my one save too early in the game.

Eventually I set the camera from the weird movie mode to the 3rd person camera to make things easier to move around with.

And kept my hand on the mouse just in case.

I went back to the VCR and I couldn't save after the light went out PROVING MY POINT THAT You only get one save!

You can't pick up the axe

Press the action over and over and I'm dead again.

THIS IS BROKEN!

Okay so the clear thing to do is go back in and use the one save I have to save just before I go outside to investigate and see the killer for the first time. Save just before the boss battle right.

I've got everything down on what to do and where to go so this should be real quick just need to start a new game right?

Standard intro that always plays, walk up to the house, ring the doorbell, and

Sarah “Billy, I need you to run and find somewhere to hide. Do it!” and i'm back at the start of the game no milk spilled on the floor. Billy isn't running around the house. I didn't have a conversation with the parents about staying home.

It's like it's a new game and yet Billy is missing yet the father is stuck by the entrance.

Great, the game broke again.

That's it. I've given this game a fair shake. I've played the game for an hour and a half and the game crashed 3 times. Has a bad save feature, slow controls. And since I never played old horror games or Watched old horror movies I have no special feelings about this.

If you already have this from a bundle then give it a shot since you already paid money for it.

If you think you can have a better time and you want to give it a whirl then by all means its your money.

But if this game looks interesting and you were thinking of giving it a shot then maybe don't or go find another game. Maybe one of the other 3 horror games they made is better.

As for those of you who have played it let me know what you thought of it. If you have experience with games like this or if this is a good Homage or not.

If you haven't played the game, I'm almost scared to ask, but what other horror games are out there that you think I should try. Let me know in the comments.

In the meantime. Maybe I’ll just watch someone else play this and see how they played the game. And figure out if they found some sort of trick to playing this game.

You all do the youtube dance, Like, comment Sub, bell and let me know what you thought down below.

And as always Babysitters of the world

Keep digging and we’ll make it out sometime

See you in the next one.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Cheers for coming yesterday Jimmy: Actually did a decent job on the gifts according to Cass not that she's gonna thank you herself like Janis: No probs, seemed like she had a good time, nice to see Janis: And I'm glad about that, had no idea, awkward age, like Jimmy: I think she did yeah. Better 13th than I had anyway Jimmy: Even if she couldn't bring Twix into the line of fire Janis: Same Janis: All you can ask, yeah? Janis: Don't think Twix is familiar with the idea of a friendly, shit would've got too real Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: Too right. She's a savage Janis: Its why she fucks with her Jimmy: Anyway, if Cass don't text you, let me know and I'll make her Janis: Ain't no snitch Janis: You can tick me off her thank you note list, it's chill Jimmy: Alright Janis: Grace was gutted not to get an invite then I told her Bobby weren't coming and it'd probably fuck up her lewk and she was over it Jimmy: Unlucky Gracie we already had our fair share of mean girls there like Jimmy: Who can compete with tweens Janis: Forreal Janis: past her prime Janis: too bitter a pill to swallow on a Saturday afternoon, like Jimmy: You should tell her its better to get it outta the way. Then your night can go right Janis: So I've heard Janis: you better let her know Jimmy: You're alright Jimmy: Not in the mood for chick flicks and a catch up Janis: Hope it ain't in your not so distant future then Jimmy: Not part of the plan to start dating your sister Janis: She's not the only girl that is down to netflix and chill in this town is she Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: Haven't asked Janis: Didn't come up? Janis: One for the to-do list Jimmy: What are you on about? Janis: Your new girlfriend Janis: You wanna check before you commit like Jimmy: I don't have a girlfriend Jimmy: not that it's any of your business like Janis: Whatever, not like I was stalking you Janis: hard to miss, that's all Jimmy: What? Jimmy: That I was chatting to the only person our age except my ex Janis: Yeah Janis: Seems nice Jimmy: Wasn't gonna talk to you, was I? Jimmy: She is Jimmy: You'd know if you said anything to her Janis: Don't want your ex and next to be besties Janis: Not a good idea is it Jimmy: Doesn't matter it's not gonna happen Jimmy: I barely know her and I doubt I'll see her again Jimmy: Cass don't need me to chaperone her playdates as standard Janis: I'm very sorry for you Janis: Sure you can make it happen Jimmy: I'm sorry that you're jealous Jimmy: Maybe I could, if I wanted to Janis: Fuck off, I'm not Janis: Idk, ask her if she wants to fake date Jimmy: Why do you give so much of a fuck then? Jimmy: I don't want to, again none of your business but Janis: Making conversation Janis: Sure Jimmy: Why? Jimmy: We aren't mates Janis: Idk Janis: you can tell everyone I'm lonely and obsessed if you like Janis: just felt like it Janis: sorry Jimmy: fuck off Jimmy: why would I do that? Janis: 'Cos we're not mates Janis: why not? Jimmy: Why would I chat shit about you just cause you're my ex Jimmy: and who the hell to? Jimmy: I'm a dickhead, I'm not that dickhead Janis: Whoever you see fit, I don't care Janis: maybe the kid who's bright idea it was to tell you about my dead sister Jimmy: He wouldn't care either, he wasn't trying to chat shit Jimmy: He thought I already knew, since I was your boyfriend like Janis: Of what, all of 2 months Janis: not like we'd sat down and talked about our sad stories yet Janis: Oh well Jimmy: He didn't know we faked it before, I'm not going around with that as an opener Janis: Oh yeah Janis: forgot Janis: well its all on me then Janis: good to know Jimmy: Not like it matters now Janis: Not to you Janis: I'd gathered Jimmy: To nobody Jimmy: He only mentioned that he used to hang with her Jimmy: He's probably forgotten about it Janis: So you reckon Janis: Let's all forget it then Jimmy: Already done Janis: You're a cunt Janis: fuck you Jimmy: That'll be why you broke up with me then Janis: Not how I remember it Janis: selective memory saving your day again Jimmy: Who cares? Jimmy: It's still done Jimmy: how my day's going has nothing to do with you Janis: I do, you absolute moron Janis: Jesus Christ Jimmy: Frame it that I broke up with you then if that's what you need Jimmy: Not gonna change anything is it Janis: Apparently not Janis: Forget it Jimmy: How can I? Jimmy: You don't get to come into my inbox with this now Janis: and you don't get to ignore me forever Janis: i'm not going anywhere any time soon, deal with it Jimmy: I can't Jimmy: I have to ignore you, alright Jimmy: Sorry that I can't be your fake mate Janis: Why can't you be my actual mate then Janis: I'm that fucking bad, yeah? Janis: Cheers Jimmy: Cause I don't wanna be your friend Jimmy: I can't be around you like that Janis: I didn't dump you Jimmy: You didn't try very hard to stop me Jimmy: Whatever I'm not trying to blame you Jimmy: I'm just saying I can't Janis: I didn't know you were gonna say that Janis: it took me by surprise alright Janis: I'm sure I could've handled it better but fucking hell Janis: do we really have to do this? Jimmy: Not like I planned it myself Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: I don't know what to do Janis: No you have to know Janis: Tell me how to fix this Jimmy: All I know is I wanted to kiss you every second we were stuck in laser tag Jimmy: but that won't fix anything Janis: Might Janis: Could've given it a shot Janis: Perhaps not at a 13th bday party Jimmy: I really fucking miss you Janis: I miss you too Janis: that's what I've been trying to say this whole damn time Jimmy: having to ignore you all this time is one of the hardest things I've ever done Jimmy: I near lost my mind yesterday Janis: At least you didn't spend yours giving an innocent girl evils, tryna start shit Janis: I was so angry you were over me already Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: Couldn't even fake it Jimmy: I reckon Cass knew what she was doing Janis: Shoulda known, its within her wheelhouse Janis: Here's me thinking I was special, pfft Jimmy: you are Jimmy: you had the wrong sibling is all Janis: Gayyyyyy Janis: You're not fucking around? Jimmy: Don't be trying to get with your brother yet is what I'm saying Jimmy: Wanna be my girlfriend again then? Janis: Hold up Janis: you said you don't wanna be my mate even Janis: you gotta tell me you were just being moody Janis: why is this always such a headfuck Jimmy: I can't be your mate is what I meant Jimmy: Cause I want more Jimmy: I know I'm a headfuck Jimmy: but that's the truth like Janis: I am too so Janis: its alright Janis: Can we just Janis: At least TRY to say what we mean from now on? just a suggestion Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I don't wanna lose you again through being a dickhead Janis: we both know it was me Janis: i've never talked about it, i don't do that Janis: know it ain't healthy, believe me, and the fam have tried but yeah Janis: its my bad for deflecting it and acting like any of it was on you but that's all i could think to do in the moment Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: I'm as guilty of keeping shit to myself Jimmy: Cass is constantly on at me to talk more Jimmy: I shouldn't have been trying to make you Janis: I dunno, maybe it'd be good to talk about it Janis: least you're not a fucking shrink Janis: or Grace, no offense Janis: but its, well, you know too Janis: we're both fucked, basically then Jimmy: You can try and talk to me Jimmy: Whenever you want and about whatever Jimmy: That's all I was trying to get at when I brought it up Janis: I can see it now Janis: when it happened, everyone just wanted the gossip, like it was no bigger than who kissed who at the disco or something Janis: and Grace thought they actually cared, poured her heart out Janis: I couldn't hack it Janis: It wasn't about you, that I think you're like that, it was knee-jerk, that's all Jimmy: That's shit. I'm sorry Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: Why we moved like, you know Jimmy: Get to be a man of mystery in a new town Janis: Yeah, that makes sense Janis: Did it help? Jimmy: Might've but Cass and Bobby don't know how to leave it there Jimmy: They're just kids Jimmy: All my dad achieved was taking Bob away from everything familiar and Cass from her mates Janis: Understandable, they didn't sign up for this Janis: Or you, really Janis: That's shitty, really Janis: Is your Mum dead, Jim? Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: I can't answer that for you or myself Janis: But she's...gone? Janis: Sorry, I'm just trying to get it so I don't put my foot in it further down the line, like you said, the kids have said some stuff throwaway, stuff that doesn't sound just like a messy divorce even Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: Like it's not, but it's not your fault that it isn't Jimmy: I don't know where she is, or if she's still anywhere Jimmy: That's why it's so pointless him bringing us here, she's not gonna pop up in some Irish pub like Jimmy: If she comes back it's gonna be there, distance from it is the last thing that'll help, that's what we had. Still have Janis: I can only imagine how hard that is Janis: Before Edie died, she went missing for about 8/9 months Janis: and we were just Janis: I think if it'd gone on any longer we'd have lost it Janis: not that her, or your Ma, turning up dead or whatever is ideal but Janis: at least its closure, yeah? Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: It's 4 more years of nothing before they'll say it Janis: Fuck Janis: That's Janis: well Janis: did she give any hint or did it just happen Janis: like can you even be angry with her, if you knew she'd planned to then you could but what if its not her fault Janis: that's such a headfuck I'm so sorry you all have to have that in your heads Jimmy: Cass is the age I was now Jimmy: I don't know how to feel about it. I want time to move faster, like you said for the closure, but I don't too Jimmy: It's not alright that they won't remember her properly Jimmy: That I can't even with the memories cause I don't know if they're real or if she was faking it herself all along Jimmy: She might never have been happy. She might not have wanted to go. I don't know Jimmy: All I can be is angry, for them if not me Janis: All you've got is second-guessing and what ifs Janis: that's fucking hard to live with Janis: seen it first hand Janis: not the same situations but Janis: shit Janis: I'm- do you wanna stop Janis: I don't want to make you talk and think about it all but no doubt you do regardless 'cos I know I do Jimmy: Maybe talking is better Jimmy: Not saying shit hasn't worked out well for us, has it? Jimmy: And my dad isn't thriving off it either Jimmy: I don't wanna be like him Janis: You're not, couldn't be if you tried Janis: Like, I get it now, why he is how he is, but you're gonna be judged by how you deal in a crisis, that's just facts Janis: and you can't do that to your own kids, man Janis: at least I didn't have nobody to hurt Janis: well, that's a lie but you know, its not like my Ma went off the rails, fuck the rest of us, you know? Jimmy: He never was this bad until everyone else stopped looking Jimmy: Then he got it into his head that she either didn't wanna be found or there was nothing but a body to find Jimmy: If he couldn't keep waiting he just wouldn't think about her at all. Or talk about her either. I dunno Janis: That's just what he needed to finish him off, more abandonment Janis: There's so many possibilities, too many, those are just 2 of Janis: Guess he wanted some certainty? But its just bullshit, and he knows it as much as you do Janis: Get the impulse but Janis: the kids Janis: you Janis: that's your mum Jimmy: Sometimes my head gets full of all these horrible ideas about him Jimmy: That he kicked her out. Or worse Jimmy: That it suits him to pretend she doesn't exist because he feels guilty for what he did. Or doesn't Janis: Fuck, Jim Janis: that's a heavy fucking thought to carry Janis: if it had been that, there'd have to be some indication, surely, that couldn't just come out of nowhere Jimmy: I've never said that out loud before Jimmy: Sorry Jimmy: I know it's mad but they used to argue loads Janis: I mean, it happens, and you're not mad for going there Janis: you've had years to ruminate without answers, I get it Janis: but, if there was a body, if that had happened, then you'd know by now, there's no getting away with it these days, right? Jimmy: I know Jimmy: But sometimes I wish that was how it happened 'cause if she's out there, living wherever with whoever why hasn't she reached out? Jimmy: No texts or letters. Birthday cards, christmas presents. Nothing Janis: Yeah Janis: At least explain yourself, you don't just get to leave Janis: nobody should but especially not a parent, like Jimmy: We weren't close but Cass was just a kid and Bob was practically a baby still Jimmy: Maybe they found a body but they don't know it's hers? Jimmy: I think about that too, the state she'd have to be in Janis: She still birthed you all, if nothing else, she owes you all that Janis: Of course you do Janis: What else are you going to do in this situation but search forever, wherever you can Jimmy: I've looked for her so many times Jimmy: I think I see her sometimes, that's really fucked Jimmy: But it's not like that when I'm with you Janis: Again, can only imagine Janis: Like, been there but once you remember they're dead then you know it can't be, so its less head-fucky Janis: I'm really happy that I can do that for you, even for a little while Janis: you deserve a break, just from your own head, you know that, right? Jimmy: I can't let myself think so cause the kids don't get one Jimmy: They dream about her every night Jimmy: When they sleep that is like Janis: They deserve one too Janis: I think you give them that Janis: I honestly do Janis: you can't make it all go away but they're a damn sight better off than if they didn't have you looking out for them Jimmy: You mean that? Janis: Absolutely Janis: I'd say it even if we were still being pricks to each other Janis: they wouldn't begrudge you taking time for you Janis: you'll be better for it, do a better big bro job, yeah? Jimmy: Can we go somewhere Jimmy: far as the budget will take us Janis: Yeah Janis: I don't care where Janis: as long as I can see you Jimmy: I'll throw a dart at the map Jimmy: Until then I can come see you Janis: Please do Janis: Just come straight to the barn, yeah? I'll be waiting Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: How many of your family am I gonna have to get past? Janis: Hopefully none if you do it right Janis: Use your ninja skillz Janis: Laser tag was good practice like Jimmy: Challenge accepted Jimmy: I'll think back to our win Jimmy: get it done Janis: Cass shamelessly picked an A team Janis: birthday girl prerogative tho, soz losers Jimmy: good job Jimmy: she's more of a sore loser than you Jimmy: You'd have never got to chat to me over the sounds of her sulking Janis: What a tragedy that woulda been Janis: nice to see your back on top form though boy Jimmy: Take the credit Jimmy: I'm leaving now Janis: Flashback giving me the fear there Janis: ready to shout at you dramatically as you drive away like Jimmy: Meant to say I'm on my way to you Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Good Janis: In a bit 🖤