#//DABS OUTTA HERE BEFORE YA'LL KILL ME//

[doctormctiddy]

behind a facade. - fan apprentice/julian.

WHO’S READY FOR SOME ANGST ON THIS FINE SUNDAY EVE???

inspired by this post!

check out my fan apprentice here and my writing here!

Gloria had never been in love before.

Romantically, anyway. Platonically, she'd been in love numerous times, but many of these feelings were confused with romantic love, and while it did create a realization that the people she thought she loved only loved her as a friend, it still hurt like hell.

But she never stopped craving it.

Night after night she would lay in her bed at the shop, wishing, dreaming for someone to hold her close, to kiss her good morning (or to just kiss her, really), for someone to care for her more than a friend would.

Asra, in all his flighty glory, was in the same boat. He just didn't realize he was in love with her until it was too late. By then, her memories were partially gone. And there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Gloria was ignorant of his feelings, however. She was ignorant of a lot of things. Like, for example, how one night after Asra had left, the strange, tall man in a bird mask, who had broken into her shop, would be the one she’d give her heart to fully.

It was a bizarre concept.

Even after Nadia had taken her to the palace to hunt down the murderer of her husband- who happened to be the same man who’d broken into her shop- Gloria found out she couldn't stop thinking about him. Doctor Julian Devorak. Sometimes she’d mumble his name while scouring through his old desk in Nadia’s library, repeating it over and over like some kind of mantra.

Was this love, she asked herself, or an infatuation with the mysterious unknown?

Julian was not like any man she’d met before, surely. This was confirmed after she’d ran into him, in an attempt to flee the palace after her- no, Asra’s- emperor card was stolen. He’d been a gentleman, buying her a drink, just talking with her about things she’d found in his desk. It may have even been her imagination, but she thought that he was flirting with her at one point.

“Ahh. Gloria, what a lovely name. A musical name. Gloria.”

His comment about musicality made sense, considering that was the type of magic she specialized in. Regardless, it made her heart skip and her cheeks flush pink.

“Julian’s a pretty lovely name too,” she’d responded, “a name that commands attention, like an emperor of old.”

She’d watched his face tinge pink too, bringing the stein of his drink to his lips. “... I suppose so. Thank you.”

Even after recovering her emperor card, she remained at the palace, though on occasion she’d sneak out to meet up with Julian. He was a warm beacon of light to her, something she could rely on… even if there was a possibility that he did murder the late Count Lucio.

At one point, she stopped caring.

Namely, this point was when he kissed her.

He’d found her hurting herself, as she so often did out of self hatred, and he said… he said he loved her. Whether or not it was true, she never wanted to forget it; she didn't want it to be false. She loved him too, or at least she thought she did. As mentioned, it was hard for her to distinguish romantic feelings from platonic feelings due to her lack of experience.

Every time they’d kissed after that, every time he’d held her closely, even the time he’d saved her from the vampire eel’s bite, she could only question, “What if he turns out like everyone else? What if he only likes me platonically? What if he leaves? What if Nadia catches us?” Repeated questions flooded her brain, anxieties she couldn't shake off no matter what she tried. All she could do was pray that this lasted, that he wouldn't leave her alone.

Then he told her something that she still ached to think about.

His face had been inches from hers, their foreheads pressed together, and he’d pecked her lips. “Gloria… do you love me?”

“Of course!” She’d responded a bit too loudly, then flushed at the realization of it being said that way. Julian chuckles.

“I'm glad.” And after a breath, he spoke again, “I… I thought I was in love once. You know.” She did know; he’d told her this before. “I must admit, when we first started this off, I was afraid we’d turn out the same way, but… but…” His gaze is soft, and she melts internally. “Something about you is different. However, I need to know.” He leans closer to her, voice barely above a whisper. “I want to give you my everything, if you’ll let me. Will you?”

Without hesitation, she answers, “I will. As long as I can do the same.”

She couldn’t forget the elation in his uncovered eye, the tears that started brimming there, the kiss he’d given her that was so joyful and in love that it left her heart full and her lips tingling.

“Thank you, my dearest magician. Thank you so, so much.”

There were other things she didn't want to forget. The way his smile lit up the room. The way his lips felt against her. How warm he felt when he was holding her. His chortling laugh that sounded so much like the raven that was always with him. The way her name sounded when he said it. How he trembled when she kissed him, his hands on her waist, a silent plea of more, please, don't let me go.

“We should run away,” she said to him once, and he’d laughed, tracing a long finger down her cheek.

“The fugitive doctor and his lovely magician.” There's a gentle sparkle in his stormy grey eye as he says, “You know, Gloria Devorak has a nice ring to it.”

“Someday, maybe.”

“Someday indeed.”

All these thought swirled in Gloria’s head, blotting out the noise of the crowd’s jeers, of Nadia’s rehearsed speech, as she watched her love walk up to the gallows. The executioner ripped the bag off of his head, and she almost cried out when his messy ginger hair fell over his bruised face. She wanted to save him. She needed him.

But she couldn't.

Watch this. That dark voice of her self loathing hissed to her. This is what you deserve. This is all your fault. You can't be happy. You can't save him.

From across the sea of people, Julian’s eye meet hers. His smile is sad as she gazes at him, her throat clogging up from held back tears.

You’ll stay with me, won't you? He seemed to say, and she sniffed.

Always. I’ll be with you til the end, my perfect love.

The rope dropped, and she shattered behind the facade of Vesuvia’s champion.