#// wreck his systems and watch him implode

[shiroi---kumo]

As I'm working on the final post in the collection of Faces of the King my brain thought to stop for a moment to explain something. I have previously mentioned it in other posts but I just wanted to point it out again and everything else it is effecting.

You see in the world of FF:U there are two major elements and they are Soil and Mist.

Most beings in the Universe (yes probably your muse too) are what would be known as "Beings of Soil" even if they cannot command it as Windarian Soil Mages can. (Staring hard at Kaze right now.)

Kumo refers to these beings as "Soil Souls" because that means their soul is comprised of Soil.

Soil is the crystalized souls of the dead composing a color of varying hue post-mortem.

so humans, and most other beings are beings of soil.

On the other side of the Universal scale sets Mist or "Mist Souls" - meaning their souls are comprised from the magical substance known as Mist and these beings are largely beings of the Sky or the Sea. Mist Souls all possess a color within their soul as well, but Mistericans were the only beings that actively produced it within their bodies and could harness it's magical abilities.

I am telling you all this because Kumo is a Mist Soul (obviously) and there are very few of them left in the universe.

I am telling you this because Soil and Mist both have a governing force. That being that Soil is governed by the Spiral or Spiral Motion

While Mist is governed by The Straight Line or Linear Motion.

I am telling you this because in recent days in writing this man I have made observations and laughed because he does it so naturally.

Kumo is:

straight to the point when he speaks

someone who says exactly what he means

straight forward with his needs and wants

straight forward with thoughts and opinions

straight forward with his intentions

His thoughts follow a linear path

Kumo is very "point A to point B" in his thinking

blunt and direct

planned and organized

orderly with a place for everything

systematic and he will meltdown without them

rigid in the way he does things

Kumo gets:

annoyed at side paths

annoyed with conversations that go in circles

annoyed with topic or question dodging

frustrated with convoluted answers

annoyed with trips that take him all over the place instead of just from one place and to the other

frustrated when his systems are disrupted

[eau-duresistance]

Ok fucking update because By Talos This Can’t Be Happening. This has like 22k notes? Uh oh. Anyways some more updates bc this situation IS STILL FUCKING FUNNY

Wanna preface this by saying that I was hella obsessed with the titanic as a kid and still kinda am. Anyways

Several people have mentioned this, and I would like to correct my error: it’s a submersible because a submarine functions both under and above water, submersible doesn’t have weapons and only works under water and is usually a lot smaller. Thanks y’all for letting me know!

A lot of people asked why I thought they resorted to cannibalism so quickly. Well, I’ve read Lord of The Flies, and I also remember how Fyre Festival went, which was a bunch of rich kids who found out they weren’t in villas but in tents and proceeded to literally like. Fucking turn it into the purge. I know this didn’t happen, and They absolutely would not need to eat someone that quickly in the scenario, but also they’re billionaires with no morals and the MOMENT a someone pieces together that they have more oxygen/time/food if they kill and eat someone, y’all know they would start trying to use the controller as a blunt force object

The whole situation is called OceanGate because that is LITERALLY THE NAME OF THR COMPANY THAT BUIKT THE SUB J AM NOT FUCKING JOKING

Also you know the old couple famous for drowning together on the titanic? Yeah. Co-owners of Macy’s and also OceanGate CEO’s wife’s great-great-grandparents

The stepson most known for the Blink182 thing apparently fucking sucks bc he’s harassed, threatened, and stalked several female DJs in the rave scene and has been to prison for armed robbery

Also his mom yelled at him to get off social media during the whole sub thing. Like, a rep for the family said that apparently lol

The French pilot works for RMS Titanic Inc, which is basically the company that bought scavenging rights to the wreck. He helped retrieve a ton of stuff there…and then sold them at private auctions

The Pakistani billionaire apparently did work with extraterrestrial communication? Unsure

Speaking of, yes, his son was 19 and is the most tragic of all of this, but according to credible reports (as far as I have read) it was actually the guy’s wife who was supposed to go but the son REALLY wanted to bc he loved the titanic so the mum gave him her spot

On the note of tragedy, yes, I have heard about the 700+ drowned refugees who died as the Greek coastguard just watched. It’s horrible, and YES, it should have taken a much more prevalent place in the media, especially considering how quickly the world acted to save 5 idiots in a tin can. I am in no way ignoring this situation, however it is exhausting and depressing, and OceanGate makes me laugh.

Speaking of, I confirmed with my friend who speaks Arabic that literally every single fucking person on that sub had an insane cliche name. Stockton Rush sounds like the villain in a Rollercoaster Tycoon cartoon. Hamish Harding is a fucking secret character in Clue. Paul-Henri Nargeolet is such a fuckinf French cliché. Shahzada (billionaire dad) means “son of a king” or “prince”, and Suleman (son) is an alternate spelling of Solomon aka “king”. Like it’s fucking turned around its so goddamn funny

There was an open letter signed by 30+ experts begging people not to go on the Titan

The vast majority in the deep-sea exploration community knew they imploded by like Tuesday

James Cameron (yeah him lol) actually spoke about it bc as an expert himself (he builds his own sub and has been down to Challenger Deep). He said that the fact that both the communications and I think transmitter (name is escaping me) went out at the same time meant that something major happened to the sub, bc they’re separate systems.

When he looked into it, he discovered that the US Navy had detected a big boom at the time the systems went down and kinda out 2+2 together, and then privately emailed the people he knew to let them know

A lot of people have been asking abkht recovering bodies and…there ain’t no bodies. The pressure down there would have been insane, so as soon as there was so much as a hairline fracture, they’d be crushed in less than a second. Like, apparently it happens so fast as it collapses in on itself that it fucking shot the outer shell away like a bullet and then imploded so fast and hard that the water around superheated to about the surface temperature of the sun

This would have happened instantaneously, so they wouldn’t have even known they died. Also, as hank green put it “it’s one of those times where you stop being biology and become physics”

They likely knew that something was wrong bc they dropped all of the weights in an attempt to ascend faster

They may not have even actually gotten close enough to see the wreck

Like, a year ago, the company’s safety guy was like “this is super unsafe” and then they fired him

This is an extremely funny situation because a bunch of billionaires who are directly responsible for things like pollution, capitalism, classism, xenophobia, and much more literally paid a quarter of a million dollars to spend 8 hours in a tin can at the bottom of the ocean, and they had to sign a massive waiver that had “death” 3 times on the first page

James Cameron btw, also thinks this whole thing is stupid and compared it to how the captain of the Titanic ignored warnings and went faster than he knew he should have as he entered an ice field

No, the billionaire families are not paying for all of the rescue efforts. Those are paid by taxes. Hence why so many are so “apathetic” about this and are standing strong on the stance of “eat the rich”.

A few people asked about the “banging”. So a noise similar to “banging” was picked up on sonar detectors that were dropped after the sub went missing. And what was really weird about it was that it happened every 30 minutes, which is a very human measure kf time. It’s also naval procedure to make noise every hour and half hour on the mark if you’re in trouble

However, we know it wasn’t them bc they died on Monday lol. So we don’t know ehat it was and no one is talking about it. And it’s real bc the fucking coast guard said the sounds gave them hope of life

I think it’s ghosts on the titanic, personally

My favourite things about the whole OceanGate disaster, in no particular order

That the vessel was originally named Cyclops II but the CEO renamed it to Titan, so it’s even BETTER than the Titanic

He also called it indestructible

The guy piloting the vessel is an ex-naval captain who has been on several titanic manned trips. But the guy is 77 rn

The billionaire from Pakistan is apparently friends with King Charles. You’d think for someone who’s besties with a guy whose job was literally being born, he’d care more about protecting his bloodline. Instead, he brought his 19 year old with him

Meanwhile, the stepson of one of the other billionaires (I think the British one named Hamish) went to a Blink 182 concert. When questioned about this, he basically went “my family would want me to go to the concert”. Today, minutes after posting about asking for thoughts and prayers, he @‘ed an OF model on Twitter, asking her to sit on his face

Bc it’s part of the safety demo & music track list for the trip, there is a VERY good chance that if there’s still some power left in the sub, it’s playing an instrumental of My Heart Will Go On on loop

Also, the vessel is a submersible bc it doesn’t meet literally any of the safety regulations to be called a submarine. Which the CEO knew, because he’s blatantly said that safety regulations get in the way of progress

The CEO once stated that he thought the future of humanity was not in space, but in the ocean when the surface becomes uninhabitable

Apparently the controller he’s using has REAL bad reviews because the connection always fails

These idiots paid $250k EACH but they had to pack their own lunch. Not even a damn charcuterie board

The pilot’s seat is on the toilet. So whenever someone needs to go, the pilot needs to move

There’s 1 window looking out. That’s it

It’s about the size of a minivan

The sub uses texts (but only to the CEO’s phone) to communicate, as well as StarLink, but they can only access that if they surface

The door literally cannot be opened from inside

There is a decent chance that at least 1 person has been cannibalized (my bet was the pilot since he’s not rich, but bc of the banging sounds, he’s probs not dead, so it may be the CEO)

They’re supposed to run out of oxygen tomorrow (22/06/23) at 7 am est, but tbh, the CO2 scrubber system will probs fail before that

The toilet is a plastic bag

This is only the 3rd time in 3 years the vessel has gone to the Titanic. Every other time, there’s an issue and they gotta turn back within like 4 hours

A lot of major news networks are trying to remain positive, but it’s a HILARIOUS comparison when you go to social media and every single person is like “yeah that shit is built like a cardboard boat, they’re fucked”

The company’s name is literally called OceanGate

[chemicalmagecraft]

The Gamer Hero, Deku Chapter 21

Tsu groaned, then rubbed her eyes. "This isn't Ochako-chan's..." She picked her head off my shoulder and looked at the seats next to us. "Where did Ochako-chan and Kacchan go? What happened?"

"You fell asleep after Todoroki gave an overly-forceful display of his Quirk and I thought it would probably be better if you were allowed to sleep it off," I said. "It's almost time for their match."

She hummed. "Do you mind telling me what happened while I was out?"

"Oh yeah, sure. First there was Kaminari versus Shiozaki, from class 1-B." Tsu nodded. "Kaminari shot a lightning bolt at Shiozaki, which she blocked with her vines before tangling Kaminari up. Kaminari managed to make some sort of... lightning buzzsaw, but Shiozaki just wrapped him up in more vines until he stopped. After that it was Iida versus Hatsume."

"Wasn't she the support course girl you teamed up with?" Tsu asked.

"Yeah that's her. Their fight was..." I tried to think of how best to describe it. "It was interesting. A little on the long side, though..."

"What happened, kero?"

I chuckled a bit. "Well... Hatsume kinda took the thing over as a sort of advertisement for her support gear, then forfeited the match when she was done..." Tsu snorted. "Yeah... Then it was Ashido against Aoyama. Ashido managed to take out Aoyama's belt, but lost still when Aoyama shot her with a laser. He looked uneasy afterwards, though. I think his belt might be needed to stabilize his Quirk..."

"That's not good."

I nodded. "Next was Yaoyorozu and Tokoyami. Yaoyorozu made a shield, but Tokoyami overwhelmed her pretty fast. Finally, Kirishima versus Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu from 1-B."

"I might be thinking of someone else, but aren't their Quirks the same?"

I shrugged. "Similar, but not the same. There are definitely differences between making your skin hard and making your skin metal. That being said, though, the two of them looked like they were pretty evenly matched, so their fight also dragged on for a bit."

"Who won?"

"When they figured out that they would draw in a physical match, they started using magic. Turns out Kirishima is slightly better at earth magic that Tetsutetsu."

She tapped her chin. "And now it's about to be Kacchan against Uraraka-chan, right?"

"Yeah."

She looked a bit excited. "This is going to be so anime."

I laughed. "I know, right?"

Tsu sighed. "It's a good thing I woke up when I did..."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Maybe you should get some kind of heating system in your costume? I know that that thing on Todoroki's back on his hero costume heats him up when he gets too cold."

"I was thinking about asking the support company for something like that for the winter."

"It's probably not a bad idea to get it as soon as you can. I mean, you did just pass out from an ice Quirk..."

She nodded. "Fair enough. I'll talk to Shōta about it when all this is over."

"And now!" Mic-sensei shouted. "Here we have the last match of the first round, and it sure seems like a doozy!"

"On one side we have Bakugou Katsuki, Quirk Explosion," Aizawa-sensei said. "On the other, Uraraka Ochako, Quirk Zero Gravity. They both have powerful Quirks and potent magic to back them up."

"Watch out for debris, folks, 'cause the arena is totally getting wrecked!"

I looked at Kacchan and Uraraka's levels as they walked to the arena.

Megalo Strike Back

LV 44

Uraraka Ochako

The Phoenix

LV 45

Bakugou Katsuki

I activated Hawkeye, because I did not want to miss anything.

xoxoxo

Bakugou grinned as he regarded his opponent. "No holdin' back, right Uraraka?"

Uraraka nodded, finishing up her stretches. "Not at all!" The dust by her feet stirred slightly.

Bakugou punched his palm, a small explosion escaping from his fist. "This might be your only round, but like hell it won't be a round to fucking remember!"

Uraraka got into a fighting stance, Bakugou following suit. "Thanks, but bold of you to assume I'll lose!"

"Right, I want you two to remember that there are spectators, so try not to hit the stands with too many giant rocks," Midnight said. "And remember that you should probably try to avoid killing or otherwise permanently harming your opponent. It goes without saying, yes, but I've seen you both wreck things, so better to be safe than sorry."

"I got it, I got it," Bakugou assured her.

"Right, let's do this!" Uraraka shouted, fire in her eyes.

"Okay. Begin!" Both combatants exploded with power on cue, Bakugou a raging fire that caused the ground under him to glow red and Uraraka a pink aura that cracked the concrete like a hammer blow, the resulting debris floating into the air weightlessly. Uraraka shot her hand out in front of her, shooting the rocks at Bakugou. He erected a wall of fire that exploded the chunks of concrete before Fire Dashing at Uraraka. When he was right in front of her, he tried to explode her. Uraraka blocked, blue sparks dancing across her arms. The force of the explosion hit her, was absorbed by her arms, and released back at Bakugou, enhanced by a wave of pink magic. The two were blown back, and Uraraka's skin steamed and tore from the backlash. Her sports uniform top was annihilated, though thankfully not the black tank top underneath. A wave of green magic washed over Uraraka as she cast Regeneration.

Bakugou conjured two fireballs and threw them at Uraraka. She countered by throwing a pink ball of mana that sucked up the fire before exploding in front of Bakugou. Though he blocked the initial explosion, the pink mana clung to him. His eyes widened as the world seemed to shift, and what was behind him moments before was suddenly "down." He managed to recover and start flying before he fell out of bounds, but by then Uraraka was ready with her next trick. She'd laid her hands on the ground, and blue sparks danced across the ground around Bakugou. It shattered, the rubble floating weightlessly for a moment before gravitating towards Bakugou. He cursed, then exploded in a wave of fire that destroyed the rubble. The pink aura around him faded away, and he started to fall to the ground before pivoting in midair to land on his feet. He laughed, then flew at Uraraka again. Uraraka grinned and started flying towards him as well.

They clashed, fire against gravity, releasing waves of force as they rebounded off each other. They smashed against each other a few more times, each time sending shockwaves that cracked the ground beneath them and battered the audience with heavy gales. After their clashes, they flew to opposite sides of the now very ruined arena, floating several meters above the ground. As if by an unheard agreement, they both raised their hands skyward, gathering balls of their preferred element. A few tense seconds passed, Bakugou's fireball growing into a raging typhoon of flames and Uraraka's pink gravity bolt darkening to an almost black color. They simultaneously hurled their attacks at each other. When the two powerful spells clashed the inferno exploded into a blinding sun, while the black hole imploded, drawing in all of the fire and also all of the debris loosened up in their clash. The two attacks merged into a single, blinding point before exploding with the force of a supernova. Even though the two combatants blocked, they were simultaneously launched backwards, thankfully not hitting anyone when they crashed.

Midnight blinked. "Dang. I... guess that's a draw? Midoriya, if you don't mind you should probably make sure neither of them died."

xoxoxo

I gaped. "They're both idiots..." I muttered.

"That was hot..." Tsu croaked.

I turned my head. Oh. Tsu's face was red, and mostly not in a crush blush way. "Are you okay?" I asked. She looked sunburned...

"Water," she muttered, her eyes somehow wider than normal.

I took a few water bottles out of my inventory, then cast Healing Hands and Regeneration on her. Just to be safe, I made a few Regeneration Orbs and placed them on my seat as I got up, and summoned Raine to check on the other spectators. Hopefully nobody was as bad as Tsu, considering we were in front, but... "I'll go check up on the others." I turned to sound and went straight to where Uraraka crashed. Kacchan was probably better off because his Quirk made him resistant to heat and sudden forces as a required side effect of his Quirk, which was why I was prioritizing Uraraka. Thankfully it didn't look like she was too hurt, even though she'd crashed into a wall hard enough to crack it.

"Hey Deku-kun..." she waved weakly.

"Please do not move until I give you the okay," I said, then started poking her leg. It looked like she could feel it. "I don't know how you survived that in one piece."

She grinned. "Shō taught me some body-strengthening magic. It was actually what I based RePulse on." I started healing her. She might not have broken her spine, thankfully, but she had bruises all over her body, especially her back, her skin was torn in several places, and she had so many hairline fractures all over her bones! "Ow, thanks. Did I win?"

"Tie," I said. "Sorry." She winced. "Don't worry, I'm pretty sure that this was the most impressive of the first-round matches. And there's probably going to be a tiebreaker." I finished healing her and offered her a hand. Once I'd helped her up, I said, "Right, I should probably check on Kacchan now," and sound-teleported off.

Kacchan... was somehow barely hurt? I knew he was damage-resistant as a necessity to not tear himself apart with his Quirk, but I didn't think he was that damage-resistant... I was more concerned with the fact that Endeavor was standing over him.

"-was an impressive match, young man," Endeavor said. "I see promise in you."

Kacchan snorted. "Yeah, yeah, ya flamey bastard."

Endeavor glowered at him. "Your attitude, however, could use some work."

"Really?" Kacchan glared at him. "My attitude needs work? Fucking funny coming from you, Mister I-Throw-Firey-Tantrums-Whenever-"

"Kacchan?" I interrupted him. "Even if you feel fine, I should probably take a look at you before you get into a shouting match."

Kacchan bit his tongue. "Fine. Let's go, Deku." He dragged me away from Endeavor, to an exit where we could talk in peace. I still had Sonia throw up a sound barrier, though. "I get it," he sighed. "Don't get him suspicious about what we know."

I healed up the few wounds Kacchan had. "Yeah, but at the same time I don't blame you for getting heated up."

He glared at me. "Was that a fucking pun?"

"Right, you should probably get back to the field." I started to walk off. Kacchan tried to grab me, but my shoulder dissolved before he could grab it.

"Deku get back here you fucker!"

I grinned at him as the rest of my body turned to sound.

xoxoxo

A few minutes later after I'd helped out a few spectators who were in need of water, Cementoss-sensei had formed a table out of cement on an island of restored ground in the middle of the destroyed arena.

"The tiebreaker will be an arm wrestling match!" Midnight-sensei announced. "You may use your Quirks and magic, however you aren't allowed to break the table to throw your opponent off-balance. Get ready!" Kacchan and Uraraka put their elbows on the table and grabbed each other's hands. Their eyes locked, the looks on both their faces intense. "Iiii'm gonna step back a bit..." Midnight muttered. "Begin!" she shouted after getting to what she judged to be a safe distance.

It looked like Uraraka tried to weaken Kacchan by making him heavier, but he used a sort of modified Fire Dash to resist it. He responded by using a jet of fire coming from the back of his hand. Uraraka put up a good fight with what I could now see was some surprisingly heavy-duty strengthening magic that I decided to ask her or Aizawa-sensei about later, but in the end it looked like her increasing Kacchan's weight acted against her...

Kacchan slammed Uraraka's hand into the table, hard enough for the table to shatter, but thankfully it looked like she defended at the last second (causing a secondary shock to further ruin the table) so hopefully her hand wasn't too hurt...

Midnight-sensei blinked and swished her whip. "Well, it looks like the winner is Bakugou Katsuki!"

Kacchan grinned and offered a hand to Uraraka. When he helped her up, I noticed that she winced a bit. I sent a message to Kacchan telling him to go to Shuzenji-sensei and take Uraraka with him.

"Well that was a pretty awesome end to a pretty awesome round!" Mic-sensei shouted. "And after Cementoss is done fixing the arena we'll get on with round two! Give it up for Cementoss, everybody!"

xoxoxo

I walked down the hallway. It was already time for my fight with Todoroki. I took a deep breath and thought over my strategy again. The air chilled slightly as I prepared myself for the match ahead, my breath visible.

"Hello, boy," a voice interrupted my thoughts, and I almost walked face-first into a giant chest.

I flinched and looked up at the flaming man who was standing in front of me. "Todoroki Enji," I said.

"You know, you remind me of All Might," he told me.

I clenched my fist. Even with The Gamer's Mind keeping me level-headed, I was very tempted to punch him in the face. "I'll take that as a compliment," I ground out. "Right, well I think they're expecting me. Good talk." I started to walk away from him.

"You know, my Shōto is meant to surpass All Might."

Ping.

Something inside me... snapped. The air around me became frigid cold as I turned around to glare at him. He flinched. "Listen here," I growled and jabbed my finger at his throat. My eyes felt odd for some reason. "I don't know what the hell you did to Shōto," I lied, "but anyone with eyes and a brain can see that he hates you. Do you know something I was able to pick up from what little he's said to me?" Endea- Enji was shaking. "He thinks of his left side as a curse, and especially after what you just said to me I'm certain that you're the reason why." I turned back around. "I'm going to make Shōto use his left side, but it won't be for you. It'll be for him. Now goodbye." With that said, I stormed off.

While I walked to the exit, I checked out the text box that I heard when I was yelling at Enji. "Huh," I muttered. "That's... interesting, but I don't think I should use without testing it a lot first..."

A skill has been created by unlocking one of the hidden Quirks of One For All! By directing your wrath at a deserving target, the skill 'Fear' has been created!

xoxoxo

And some of you guys thought Deku was the most overpowered of his classmates. Okay well he is but even with more than one bullshit Quirk the gap isn't insurmountable... yet. Oh, and this doesn't have anything to do with BNHA or GHD (so feel free to disregard), but a friend of mine is setting up a sort of D&D-ish roleplay thing on Discord and it seems like it'll be a lot of fun but as of writing this we don't exactly have many people... If you're interested, the Tumblr URL is heroes-of-nevia. Please at least take a look at it!

[darley1101]

Before you read any further you should know that this post is going to contain be incredibly personal and it might be triggering for those dealing with depression, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders etc. I am not sharing this for any reason other than most of the time I feel like I’m screaming at the top of my lungs and nobody hears me. I also wanted to let others who might feel the same know that they’re not alone. I have placed a read more and if you choose to click it then please know this isn’t fiction, this isn’t fluff...this is me being real and my real isn’t pretty.

Most people who meet me, either online or in person, think I am this kind, helpful person who always has a smile. While I do try to be kind and helpful don’t let the smile fool you. I wear the smile so people won’t see that I am barely holding it together, that I’m nothing but an emotional wreck, that I’m broken beyond repair. 

The first time I tried to kill myself I was 13. My life had imploded in ways I still don’t want to discuss. Instead of counseling, I was shipped off for part of the summer with family friends. In some ways it was better than sitting in an office staring at some stranger. These were people who had loved me for most of my life and had always made me feel important. Those three weeks after the ‘incident’ were no exception. They loved me, tried to make me see how important I was not just to them but to my family. They listened when I struggled to put into words why I felt suicide was an option. When I went home it was with the mindset everything would be okay. And for the next year or so it was. We even moved, which looking back I think my mother did it because of me. Not because she was ashamed of my actions but because at that time attempted suicide wasn’t understood and she thought a fresh start would help. 

Summer wasn’t too bad. Nor was school. I was a bit of a zombie though. Unless someone made the effort I didn’t see the point in trying. Why should I? They would just turn on me or use me or drop me for someone better. I put up walls that were so high only our family cat could over them. When my mom had another job opportunity it didn’t bother me. I wasn’t leaving anyone important behind. Our new town was small; like the picture perfect ones you see on post cards. I hated it. I hated our new house. I hated the school. I hated my classmates. And I hated the extra weight I had gained. I hated it so much that I tried starving myself. If I hadn’t developed horrific headaches I probably would have continued down that path. (Looking back, its kind of funny that my mom noticed the headaches but not the lack of eating. She will tell you it isn’t the least bit funny, that she feels like she dropped the ball. She didn’t. She was a single mom doing the best she could by working full time and I was a broken teenager who had gotten really good at hiding things.) Since starving didn’t work, I turned to throwing up. It seemed to do the trick. The pounds melted away, there were no headaches, and I was still able to eat in front of others. (Guys, if you have friends who eat and then immediately get up to go to the bathroom check on them. Sometimes it really is this need to go but sometimes it is something more. My high school best friend still feels guilty for not catching on) I went from a sad dumpling to a slender girl that people noticed. On the outside I seemed to be finally getting it all together. I made the cheer squad. I had a boyfriend I thought loved me. He didn’t. He left me even more broken than before. 

Enter suicide attempt number two. It wasn’t intentional...except maybe it was? A friend of mine lived on this amazing farm where they had this great pond with a tire swing over it. His dad had one rule. Stay off the east side of the pond, there were too many weeds and we could get tangled. In true teenage fashion not everyone listened. I don’t remember if I intentionally swam over there or not but I do remember the weeds wrapping around my arm and screaming because i thought it was a snake. screaming under water is pointless. Nobody can hear you and you end up taking in a lot of water. I fought it for a brief moment before realizing if I let myself drown my mom wouldn’t have to face the shame of her daughter committing suicide. I stopped fighting. My friend had noticed something wasn’t right though and saved me. I tried to act scared, like I didn’t know what to do..but it was a lie and my friend seen through it. He hugged me and reminded me that HE had noticed I was gone. 

I started college shortly after that. It was exciting, scary, and a real chance to move forward. One professor noticed I wasn’t as social as I could be so she suggested I attend one of the dances that the college was hosting. I didn’t want to go but I let another girl talk me into it. Plus, if it got me bonus points with a professor then hey, why not! I wish I had stayed in my dorm. Back then, in the late 90′s, they didn’t talk about watching your drinks or each other. The extent of being aware was don’t go home with strangers and asking permission before kissing...not sex, just kissing. There was no funny taste and nothing to alarm me until I woke up half naked with a guy I didn’t know. I remember crawling out of his bed, crying, and his roommate coming in. His roommate couldn’t even look at me but he did whisper you need to report this. My roommate said the same thing. It was hard walking over to the dean’s office. I stood there, by myself because they wouldn’t let me friend go in with me, telling him what happened. What he said would stay with me for the rest of my life. I should have stayed home. I shouldn’t have worn jeans that tight or a cropped top. Did I really want to pursue this? Even though he was trying to shame me, I did want to pursue it. I’d only ever been with my high school boyfriend and sex wasn’t something I just did. It meant something to me and that boy had stolen it from me. The dean rolled his eyes and then wrote me up for being intoxicated on campus and for consuming alcohol while under age. I had done neither but it didn’t matter. I received a $300 fine and my rapist a slap on the wrist for ‘not making certain the girl was 100% sure.’ He was a star athlete. I was just a stupid girl who who went to a dance.

That experience shaped the rest of my freshmen year and most of my sophomore year as well. If they were going to just take it, why not just give it them? I was only able to have that mentality for a short period of time because it wrecked me in ways I can’t describe. Some people can have emotionless sex, and kudos to them, but I’m not one of them. At the end of sophomore year I re-connected with an old friend. It was the breath of air I needed. Over the summer we grew closer and eventually wound up dating. By the time school started we had moved in together. By fall we took a road trip and eloped. I got pregnant right away. It was exciting but scary because this meant I had to stop making myself throw up. Yes, i was still doing that. It had become the one thing in my life that I could control. His family hated me. I didn’t understand it. It caused a lot of friction in our otherwise great relationship. He stood up for me though, helped me through cutting myself off from vomiting, and became the anchor I so desperately needed.

Fast forward twenty years, two kids. Lots of ups and downs. We made it through though. Or did we? That seemed to be the question. People change when they get married so young. You can either embrace those changes or.... We started discussing the ‘or.’ It scared me and it brought back all those feelings of being not good enough Combine that with a relative posts about another relative passing away and the childhood trauma that sparked the first suicide attempt resurfaces. I couldn’t take it. All those posts about how wonderful they had been, when I knew the truth... well I couldn’t handle it. Instead of talking, I tried to over dose on pills. When that didn’t work, I considered hanging myself. I even got as far as making the noose when I realized what i was doing. I called a friend. I knew if I didn’t there would be no stopping myself. That friend was @blackcatkita actually and I made up some excuse about wanting to talk about fics. I don’t think I ever told her the truth behind that phone call but discussing punctuation and whether or not I should continue writing saved my life. So did @hellospunkiebrewster  and @debramcg1106 when they each randomly text me to ask how I was. Both of my kids have been a big help too. I should clarify that they’re not little, they’re college age and capable of honest conversations about this. I won’t lie and say that I am better. I think this will always be a struggle. I do have a strong support system in place. Between my friends (they know who they are) and my husband (we’re good, embracing the changes and enjoying getting to know each other again) When I feel myself teeter tottering I try to distract myself with writing or plotting or caring for my foster kittens. If you follow me for my writing, well now you know why there are delays. 

Before I close this out the reason I decided to share this is I spent years feeling alone.I don’t want anyone to feel that way. Please know you’re not alone. I’m here. Others are here. 

[one-of-us-blog]

Nightmare in Silver (Doctor Who S07E12)

Today Jon is forced to watch and recap “Nightmare in Silver”, the twelfth episode of Doctor Who’s seventh series, as well as “Rain Gods”, a very short mini-episode written by Neil Gaiman. The Doctor has to drag Clara’s awful charges along for an adventure, and predictably things do not go as planned. Can the Doctor save these horrible children? Will he discover what’s lurking in this abandoned amusement park? 

Keep reading to find out…

Eli, I’m sorry my recap is a little late, but I don’t feel well at all... I know from talking to you that you enjoyed the latest episode of The Golden Girls and I’m glad to hear it, but honestly I haven’t had time to check your recap for myself. You see, I was out trying to decide what sort of stone I want to have a statue of my dog made of once the check comes in from that enthusiastic Japanese man I told you about, and while I was inspecting different types of marble there was this huge explosion overhead! There was some sort of rocket flying around and the thing just blew up out of nowhere! As if that wasn’t weird enough, as it blew up it shot out all of this red mist into the sky and it started raining down on me, completely ruining the tuxedo I’d just bought on credit. Ever since then I’ve felt just awful, but I keep going to different doctors and none of them know what’s wrong with me! I’m starting to think it’s all in my head, but I don’t know... I hope my new Japanese friend sends that check soon, because my medical bills are really starting to pile up! That’s enough about me, though, it’s time to head to space!

Buttocks (and airways) tight!

“Rain Gods” written by Neil Gaiman

River Song and the Doctor are being held hostage on the planet of the Rain Gods, and the locals are planning on sacrificing them. The Doc’s plan is to distract the locals somehow and then run away. Luckily a thunderstorm arrives and the locals get scared enough that River and the Doctor are able to run away and not get, you know, burnt alive. In the TARDIS, the two discuss the difference between having a good plan and just getting lucky.

Episode directed by Stephen Woolfenden and written by Neil Gaiman

Angie and Artie, the kids Clara takes care of, apparently haven’t given up on wanting to become junior time travelers and have convinced the Doctor to take them for a spin in the TARDIS. The group arrives on Hedgewick’s World of Wonders, the biggest amusement park in the world. Or, well, it’s supposed to be; it actually just looks like a fake moon landing. A man peeks out and asks if they’re his ride off the planet; he’s been trying to leave for six months, but hasn’t had a lot of luck. Just then a platoon of soldiers arrive and declare that the planet is closed by imperial order. A flash of the psychic paper gets the Doc on their good side, and the leader of the soldiers mentions that their emperor is missing.

The soldiers leave and the man from before pops back out and introduces himself as Impresario Webley. He brings them to his attraction on the planet, Webley’s World of Wonders, which is full of wax figures and other creepy stuff. He asks if anyone likes to play chess, and Artie says he does. Webley takes them all to a back room and unveils another attraction; hot damn, it must be Christmas! It’s a Cyberdad!

After the credit, Webley explains the tragic state of the universe: there are no more living Cybermen. This hunk of cold, rock-hard steel is in fact the 69(nice)9th wonder of the world, and only knows how to play chess. This Cyberhunk is hollowed out, but somehow is still able to move. Artie plays a game against the hunk and it absolutely wrecks the little nerd. The Doctor immediately figures out that a little person named Porridge (holy shit, it’s Warwick Davis!) is controlling the hollowed out Cyberman from under the table. Webley reveals he actually has three defunct Cybermen in his collection… man, could you even imagine the possibilities? Three big ol’ mountains of metal masculinity at your fingertips? Phew, give me a second.

Porridge takes Frick and Frack for a ride on the fake moon set and everyone has a gay ol’ time. Clara’s ready to leave, but the Doctor’s not leaving yet. He’s noticed some funny bugs crawling around, and he wants to investigate. The adults put the kids to bed and let’s just take some bets on how long it takes them to get captured by something. Webley has a conversation with the chess-playing Cyberdad, which suddenly comes to life and grabs him. Some of those funny-looking bugs crawl out of the Cyberman and over to Webley, with the Cyberman’s silky, dulcet tones announcing that an upgrade is in process. Finally, something worth talking about!

As predicted, these kids are the worse and Angie immediately wants to wander off to… where? To do what? Don’t ask me. She sets her phone down and more of those bugs swarm over it without being noticed. Porridge discusses the Cybermen with Clara, and explains that humanity defeated them by blowing up a whole star system. The Doc spots Angie wandering around the barracks of those soldiers. The soldiers are confused by some missing bits of technology, and Angie cements the fact that she’s actually the worst by just announcing to these random people that she’s bored like it’s their job to entertain her. She calls Clara stupid for no dang reason and mentions Porridge, which, given the reactions of the soldiers, was a bad thing to do. Artie keeps being a dweeb and is scared of the dark. He finds the light switch and then, because good things happen to people who don’t deserve them, immediately gets snatched by a Robohunk.

Clara and the Doctor arrive at the barracks, and Angie’s utterly inexplicable hostility toward Clara continues, with Angie declaring that Clara ruins everything and that she wants to be left alone. Put a gun to my head and I still couldn’t honestly tell you what the hell Angie’s deal is. Luckily we don’t have to dwell on this horrible child for long, because it’s time for a Cyberdad party! The weak human soldiers do their best to hurt the Cyberman in the slightest and fail completely. This is a new and improved Cyberman, and he’s just gotta go fast. He displays an uncharacteristic lack of taste and decides to snatch Angie and bounce. The captain of the platoon reveals that this planet is a bit of an Australia of the future, as everyone who’s in this platoon has been sent here as a punishment. The Doctor puts Clara in charge of the platoon because that’s surely something she can handle. Angie informs the Cyberman that she hates it, because I’m sure someone somewhere gives a fuck, and then she sees that Artie and Webley are in the process of being upgraded.

Clara starts ordering people about and the platoon prepares to relocate to a castle exhibit. Porridge arrives and seems to have some prior relationship with the captain, so we’ll probably get back to that. The Doctor locates one of the funny bugs, and realizes the Cybermats have evolved into Cybermites. He gets teleported to where the worst kids in the universe are being held, and the half-upgraded Webley informs the Doctor that the Cybermen have a need for children, but since the park’s been shut down there’s been a real shortage of kids around here. Now they have more kids, hooray! Webley lets us know that when the Cybermen realized they were going to lose their war against the humans they built this place to repair critically damaged units. They started stealing kids, which is why the park got shut down to begin with. But now they’ve got a look at the Doc’s brain, and they’re more interested in him than these awful children. The Doc says the Cybermen can’t upgrade him because he’s not human and they can’t upgrade non-human lifeforms, which isn’t true? Am I the only one who remembers the Cybershades?

Anyway, Webley says the Cybermen have upgraded to the point that they can upgrade any lucky soul they choose. He flings some Cybermites at the Doc, and there’s a bit of an internal struggle between the Doctor and the Cyber consciousness. The Doctor threatens to regenerate in order to burn up the Cyber wiring, and the Cyber!Doc says they’re at a stalemate. The Doctor proposes a game of chess to decide who controls his brain. The soldiers, Porridge and Clara prepare to get their asses kicked by the Cyberdads while the Cyberman wonders why there are no records of the Doctor in the database of the Cybermen and figures out that the Doc’s been eliminating himself from history. The Doctor inexplicably shorts out his Cyberside with a bit of gold and prepares to rescue Webley and the terrible children.

The captain and Porridge deal with more of their drama and then the captain is prepared to implode the planet in order to stop the Cybermen, but she gets sniped by a Robohunk before she can finish the job. A bunch of no-name soldiers gets killed, and then Clara, showing her true vile colors, murders an innocent Cyberman in cold blood. She relishes the bloodlust flooding her system as the Doc, Webley and those horrid children arrive. The Doc has Clara tie him up and then gets rid of the gold keeping his Cyberself in check. His Cyberside reveals to Clara that she’s the ‘impossible girl woman’ but doesn’t have time to explain what that means. 

Clara devises a cruel plot to hurt more innocent Cybermen using the moat of the castle they’re in. A whole fleet of Cyberdads wakes up underneath the planet. The Cyberdoc gets the trigger to the planet-imploding bomb away from Clara and destroys it as the fleet of Cybermen arrives. Clara’s dumb as hell plan to electrocute the Cyberdads in the moat fails utterly, though at least three innocent Cyberhunks get killed by one of the soldiers before they upgrade themselves. The Doc sacrifices his queen in the game in exchange for the Cyberdoc releasing those horrible children. They’re set free, but then Webley just goes to kill them. Porridge arrives in time to stop him and gets knocked on his ass. The Doctor tricks his Cyberself into thinking he has some sort of chess trap in play, which causes his dumb as hell Cyberself to draw processing power away from the Cyberdads on the field and gives the Doc time to shock himself and get rid of his manic Cyberside.

The whole squad gets together and Angie, in the most terrible way possible, points out that Porridge is the Emperor we were supposed to remember from earlier and he can probably activate the planet-imploding bomb. We only have a few minutes left in this episode, so it’s time for a little deus ex machina. Porridge activates the bomb, which alerts the empire to his location and all the gross non-Cybermen get beamed up to the imperial ship in time to not get blown up. Porridge complains about being all powerful and lonely and we’re done with that.

The Doctor drops Clara and the terrible children off at home, makes a comment about the tightness of Clara’s skirt and goes on his way. Porridge and his ship head for home, too, but not before we get a shot of a surviving Cybermite floating through space.

The End

~~~~~

Well, this was a real mess. I’ve read The Graveyard Book, so I know for a fact that Gaiman can write children well when he needs to, which makes these terrible, horrible, no good, very bad children all the more painful to watch. Literally, can anyone tell me why Angie hated Clara for a minute there? This had none of the charm of the first episode Gaiman wrote, or, well, any charm at all. The kids were annoying, the Doctor’s Cyberself was insufferable and Warwick Davis was somehow underused despite being in almost every scene. And I’m so conflicted about Clara... On one hand I like that she was able to take charge and step up to the plate, but on the other hand the fact that she was so ready to do that feels unrealistic to me. We didn’t get to see any fear or hesitation from her, which seems crazy considering she saw, like, a dozen people die in this episode. I feel like there was a lot of potential here, but none of it came to anything that mattered. 

I give “Nightmare in Silver” QQ on the Five Q Scale.

We’ll see you again on Tuesday when Eli will post his recap of the next episode of The Golden Girls, “Sick and Tired: Part 2″, and then on Wednesday I’ll jump in to wrap up series seven of Doctor Who with my recap of “The Name of the Doctor”. 

Until then, thanks for reading, thanks for shocking and thanks for being One of Us!

[flauntpage]

Jim Rutherford and Mike Sullivan Ensure the Crosby-Malkin Era Isn't Wasted

After winning the Stanley Cup in 2009, the Pittsburgh Penguins spent the next several years falling woefully short of another title, despite having the talents of Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin. It wasn't Crosby and Malkin's fault that their team was drifting aimlessly; it was everything around them. The supporting cast wasn't there on the ice, behind the bench, or in the front office.

There was every reason to be concerned that Jim Rutherford and Mike Sullivan were not going to solve this problem.

When the Penguins hired Rutherford to be their general manager in June 2014, he had just overseen five consecutive seasons with the Carolina Hurricanes that did not result in a playoff berth. Rutherford had led the Hurricanes for two decades and engineered a Cup champion in 2006, but it was fair to wonder if the man, now in his mid-60s, no longer possessed the skills to build a winning team.

Sullivan, meanwhile, assumed the head-coaching position in Pittsburgh in the middle of last season. Some people rise to leadership positions after spending years under the tutelage of experts in their field; others serve as long-time assistants to John Tortorella. Sullivan was the latter, which might be more like getting hired at an investment firm after working mainly for Bernie Madoff.

Instead, the Rutherford/Sullivan combination turned out to be the biggest reason the Penguins became the NHL's first back-to-back champions in nearly two decades Sunday night, with a Game 6 win over the Nashville Predators.

Crosby and the Cup. Photo by Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

From 2010 to 2015, the Penguins had frittered championships away. Marc-Andre Fleury imploded like a destroyed submarine every postseason, while players like Jussi Jokinen and Douglas Murray were (shockingly!) not enough to get the Penguins over the top. Head coach Dan Bylsma was fired after Rutherford was brought on in 2014; his replacement, junior league coach Mike Johnston, neutered Crosby. So did all the concussions that nearly wrecked Crosby's career during those years.

With the Chicago Blackhawks and the Los Angeles Kings emerging as two teams in a dynasty time share, the common thinking became that we would look back on the Crosby and Malkin era the way we look back on Adrien Brody's acting career—the talent was there, but we just couldn't put them in enough successful, award-winning vehicles when they were at their peak.

Then Rutherford did what no "hockey person" would have done when attempting to build a winner: he acquired Phil Kessel.

You know. That Phil Kessel. The guy you can't win with. Who doesn't play defense. Who has a gluttonous contract. Who isn't worth the cap hit. That guy who is going to get fat because he eats hot dogs.

Rutherford also filled in the bottom-six forward group with speed the way his predecessor, Ray Shero did not, but acquiring Kessel for assets that no one will remember in a decade was the beginning of a transformation that would inject the Penguins lineup with speed top to bottom.

Speedy Kessel. Photo by Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

Kessel should have won a Conn Smythe Trophy last year, when the Penguins ended their seven-year "drought" with the second Cup of the Crosby/Malkin era. His ten goals and 22 points in 24 games that postseason while anchoring the third line were just as important as his eight goals and 23 points in 25 games during the title defense this year.

That title defense became even more difficult once Kris Letang was declared out for the season with a neck injury in April. A case can be made that Letang is the most valuable player on the Penguins, serving as a No. 1 defenseman and offensive catalyst on the back end, starting breakouts and quarterbacking a deadly power play. With Letang out, the Penguins were left with a bunch of defensemen who ranged from "fine" to "should this guy be in the NHL at this stage of his career."

The last time a team won a Cup without a defenseman of Letang's abilities was in 2006, when Rutherford's Hurricanes won 16 games with such luminaries as That One Guy, The Fella With The Size, and Defenseman No. 4. If anyone knew how to fill defense holes in this situation, it was Rutherford.

And he did it with Ron Hainsey, a player who had never experienced playoff hockey before this season. Rutherford has made every transaction, every AHL call-up count the past two years. Last year, he turned Rob Scuderi into Trevor Daley, which is about as close as you'll come to seeing someone turn literal chicken shit into chicken salad.

If Rutherford built the car, Sullivan was the driver avoiding every potential crash and hugging every corner.

When you're worried the car won't make it. Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

How many coaches have been felled by their inability to break tendencies or trust young players, or by restrictive systems that prevent the best players from being the best players? Sullivan had every opportunity to fall into this trap; instead, he will likely go down in NHL history as the only coach to win back-to-back championships with the same rookie goaltender.

It's easy to forget that Matt Murray was an unknown commodity entering last year's playoffs. The Penguins goaltenders were so banged up that they had to go with Jeff Zatkoff in Game 1 of the first round before Murray returned from his concussion and took the reins. When Fleury was ready to go, Sullivan didn't go back to his veteran; he rode Murray all the way to the Cup.

Well, there was that one Game 5 in the conference finals when Fleury allowed four goals and put the Penguins in a 3-2 series hole against the Lightning. Whether you want to classify it as Sullivan learning quickly from a mistake or going back to the rookie after giving him a quick breather, Murray won Games 6 and 7 and four more against the Sharks in the 2016 Final.

Facing a similar situation this year, Sullivan wasted no time benching Fleury after one bad game in the conference finals and going back to Murray, who had injured himself during warm-ups before Game 1 of the first round and had watched the entire 2017 postseason to that point. When Murray faltered, Sullivan stayed with him, which was no small thing this time around—Fleury is beloved in that locker room and carried the team through two rounds, so no one would have been upset to see him go back in net.

Instead, Murray rewarded Sullivan with shutouts in Games 5 and 6 of the Final against Nashville.

And that reward would not have been possible if Rutherford dealt Fleury at the deadline, something other GMs would have considered. Even the deals Rutherford didn't make have led to championships.

The Penguins' success the past two seasons are littered with little things that made the difference, adjustments like Kessel on the third line last year and second line this year, or finding a perfect match with Jake Guentzel and Crosby this year, or massaging minutes and matchups with the makeshift defense.

Sullivan's moves simply weren't options with the coaches that came before him. Could you imagine either a Dan Bylsma or Mike Johnston team getting worked over like the Penguins early in this Final, only to bounce back later in the series? That's all Sullivan.

So it's only fitting that the Penguins won on a late goal by Patric Hornqvist, the first acquisition by Rutherford in a trade that sent James Neal to Nashville. The Hornqvist–Neal deal has worked for both teams, but Rutherford made that deal partly because he felt Hornqvist was more willing to score the dirty goals while Neal was more of a perimeter player.

Hornqvist scoring after a bounce off the back wall to break a scoreless tie feels like the perfect way for the Penguins to clinch a second Cup for Rutherford and Sullivan.

Crosby and Malkin have always been the engine that drives the Penguins, but having Sullivan operate the car and Rutherford add all the necessary upgrades to get everything out of that engine is why the Penguins now have a shot to win a third straight Stanley Cup next year instead of another off-season of wondering if Crosby and Malkin are "true winners."

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