#// the only reason why this isn't under a Read More is because of how detrimental

[emryste]

i know it was between u and a friend but if ur want to i would love to hear wackass character analysis…i love woy and i love hearing peoples thoughts on it on a deeper level!!

ghhhhghfghfhg thank you for asking, it was mostly just me overanalyzing behaviours in some episodes as we did our rewatch. if you're interested, i can gather what little bits i talked about under the cut! as a warning though, theres a lot of words, not all coherent, and most of it is me reading too much into things as well as a lot of personal opinion and bias.

the fremergency fronfract and the boy wander

to start, jay (my friend) mentioned something about seeing a theory relating to the boy wander episode, and how there's something about screwball that makes wander completely shut off to the point of putting on a whole different personality (if anyone thinks they know the post they were talking about, please link it to me! i'd love to read it). all the info we have is screwball is a villain 'from wanders past', and that for whatever reason, he clearly feels like stopping him is more important than befriending him. it's a complete departure from usual wander, and it's part of the reason why i find it so interesting having it follow the fremergency fronfract. in that episode, he is the shining example of what he dislikes screwball for — forcing someone to be happy. he says 'i only present the positive path, i dont force you to follow it' meanwhile in the previous episode took advantage of hater's state and quite literally suggested the dentist should zap hater so hard he would stay good forever.

i dont think this is out of character. at this point in the show, wander is personally attached to hater, cares about him, and is very invested in his happiness. s1 wander, back when they had more of an antagonistic relationship, most likely wouldnt have been selfish in this way. not because he didnt care, because obviously he cares about everyone, but he didnt have that incentive of his own personal feelings. thats why he acted in a way that under normal circumstances, he would think is super dangerous. not to mention, another reason he could be so averse to screwball's ideology is because he sees sometimes sees the same qualities in himself, but they're parts he actively doesnt like and tries not to encourage.

to me, i like the idea that after the fremergency fronfract, wander was feeling guilty about how he acted and his frenzy to keep lord hater as he was. that contributed to why he was so desperate about stopping screwball in that episode, being confronted by someone who is a living specimen of something you feel guilty about would definitely rattle you. as my friend said, it's like karma came back to bite him.

the toddler

a fun little thing i think about during the toddler episode is how wander and sylvia's parenting styles could be indicative of their own childhoods. sylvia makes sense considering what we see of her mum in her family episode and what her environment was like growing up, however with wander it's a bit trickier. my first instinct was either wander had no parents/family of his own so he doesnt fully understand the dynamic, or they were terrible/negligent. perhaps both. this idea mostly comes from wander not really grasping what looking after a child is like apart from his surface level view of what he thinks would work. sylvia's approach isn't as effective but is more indicative of how a lot of parents raise their kids and says a lot about how she was raised, in comparison to wander's which is idealistic and purely thinking about what the toddler wants to a detrimental degree. that, to me, sounds like someone who either has no idea how kids are actually raised, or who is trying desperately to give a toddler what they didnt have. but in the end, potentially all of that could just be considered moot since wander is an normally idealistic guy, and maybe it doesnt say anything about his childhood at all. fun to think about though!

the wanders

for the episode 'the wanders', i talked about how i feel like the wander who always does what you tell him not to (pathological demand avoidance wander as my friend called him lol) could also be the one responsible for his need for freedom and not staying in one place for too long. my reasoning here was the link between not wanting to be told what to do (valuing your free will and autonomy) and how that relates to wander's inclination for being nomadic. i could definitely go deeper into this but you get the picture.

also during 'the wanders', me and jay obviously spoke a little about the 'most important part' wander. they mentioned how whilst he did look tiny he still had the hat, so it's still technically current wander. but rather, it's a part of him that sees himself as helpless, and is a physical manifestion of that by being small and vulnerable. what i always found interesting was how wanders physical form came back before that part was added, whilst the other parts of him all needed to be there for his form to be actualized.

i dont know if the reasoning for this has been answered by one of the crew before, but my reading into it was just that it could be because of a variety of reasons. like maybe that part of him isn't part of his personality but rather something else, like a memory. or maybe, since when sylvia was putting him together and one of the other wanders said something like "if you dont accept all of us, you accept none of us" (relating to make wander whole again), it was something that those aspects of wander didnt want to be part of him even though actual wander saw it as an important part. whatever the reason is, it's always been something that itched at my brain after that episode.

lord hater's and cpeeps' motives

also, i very lightly touched on the topic of lord hater's whole character motivation boiling down to him wanting admiration, to be taken seriously and for people to love/care about him. meanwhile, whilst peepers also wants to be taken seriously, it feels less from a need for love but instead a compulsion to prove himself. to prove he can do things and be powerful despite his shortcomings (literally), which also leans into why we can see peepers' being more evil/ruthless than hater at times. he wants to be admired, but in a different way, to seen as competent.

and thats all the theorizing i did during that rewatch. i could talk about little intricacies and headcanons on how i view the characters for a billion years, but that would definitely make this too long LOL for the rest of the rewatch we just enjoyed the show and had a silly little time. for your enjoyment and as a thanks for reading, heres some highlights of (mainly) my friend whilst we watched:

[lavishlyleo]

The Truth About Venus and Why it Can't be exalted in Cancer

My retake on the Cancer vs Pisces : Who should Venus really be exalted in? post.

I've read almost all the responses under this post talking about how Venus makes more sense exalted in Pisces, and although I still stand by some of my previous claims, I do have to say I may of had a change of heart.

Yall brought up some really good points, it made a lot sense and fit the narrative I didn't see before, which is what Venus actually represents in a person's chart.

A lot of you guys worded it a lot better than I could, but to basically give a summary of what everyone said that I agree with is that while Venus does represent relationships of any kind, money, art, indulgence, ect, Venus is about what we want, not what we need. It's about things that make us happy in the moment and we crave more and more of it because we can never get enough of it and it's not truly fulfilling, it's just things that give us cheap thrills.

In this light, I can see how Venus is a lower octave of Neptune because both are related to addiction, art, indulgence and idolization. Pisces is ruled by Neptune the planet of addictions, what our generation dreams and fantasizes about, what kind of art and symbolism our generation enjoys, and what we're delusional about. It's about what makes our generation happy, but not fulfilled. Venus relates to a singular person at a time in this regard, where as Neptune has to do more with a generation, but both are essentially about the same things.

Venus is about what makes us artificially happy in the sense that Venus is like candy and sweets; Yeah it taste good and we want more, but it's not bringing us much nutritional value or anything, and in big amounts it's harmful to us. Where as the Moon is like a full course dinner, yeah we like it, maybe not to the degree of the candy, but it fills us up, satiates our hunger, and keeps us more fulfilled than the candy.

Cancer, as a sign, strives for that longevity of nourishment and emotional happiness, it will go through unpleasant times, trials and errors until they found the one. They do not love freely and only invest their time and emotions into something they know will pay off for them in the long run. If you just so happened to be the one, they will love you what seems like endlessly and show a devotion like no other, however it is likely if you did not match up to their ideals or check off the boxes for them, they would not love you the way they do, which like someone said in the comments, it's conditioned love, it's love at a cost.

Venus loves freely without attachment to anything, taking and loving freely as it pleases and doesn't want to worry about the longterm consequences, it's all about satiating that urge in the moment. Something Cancer is not about, they are worriers of the future and things will impact them later.

I never really looked at Venus in this light before but it does make sense, and I'm surprised I didn't see it sooner. Either way, these are the main reasons to me now why it isn't exalted in Cancer, and why Venus is not all it seems.

However these are just my thoughts, what do yall think Venus should be exalted in? Is there anything else you think Venus is about? What does Venus and the Moon mean to you? Let me know your thoughts💕

Here's the post in question ⤵️

Heyy! This is gonna be the first post on here with my art in it!💖💕

His name is Nitro Nexus💕

But his drag name is Lexi Rexha💕

This will probably be a character featured in a lot of my art. He is my oc/persona💕

You can find more of my art here ⤵️

🌸 My Instagram 🌸

[anihilist]

character study and analysis: frank morrison (1/?) + sociopathy.

below i will pointing out the very small aspects that point to frank having sociopathy.

first, let me explain and clear things up. sociopath is a term under the spectrum of aspd. frank is someone with aspd and/or sociopathy. the reason for this is because frank's sociopathy was due to his childhood emotional neglect. frank is not a psychopath - which is someone who has aspd genetically rather from their early childhood upbringing. that is the only difference. psychopaths are not anymore with or without emotion, they were merely just born that way. it is nature vs. nurture. some are by nature, some are by nurture. they (sociopaths and psychopaths) are both aspd.

"Joey sounds... normal. You know how much programming it takes to get a human being to accept the whole eight-hour-a-day routine?" [ ... ] "If it were real education... If it were true education the core subjects would be philosophy and critical thinking."

frank is an avid believer that society is a big manipulation (there are small forms of manipulation and there are big forms of manipulation) he believes most people are brainwashed into the belief that they have to reach certain traditional milestones in order to conquer 'life', he believes it starts with school, hence, why he says 'eight-hour-a-day-routine.' which is something that frank morrison doesn't do well with. frank prefers impulsion and spontaneity. routines, for frank, are boring in such a detrimental way.

[ ... ] "If it were real education... If it were true education the core subjects would be philosophy and critical thinking."

frank says 'real' education and 'true' education because everything is sort of made up in society - due to the manipulation behind it. so 'real' and 'true' education is philosophy and critical thinking—which isn't just a sociopathic interest and study, but, in this case, i feel it is derived from his sociopathy.

philosophy is a systematic study of general and fundamental questions concerning topics like existence, reason, knowledge, value, mind, and language.

basically says that he enjoys learning and more so from life's experiences, along from other people, basically by observing - which is something sociopaths do naturally - it's where you gain 'true' and 'real' knowledge.

critical thinking refers to the ability to analyze information objectively and make a reasoned judgment.

this basically goes without even saying it, but sociopaths are well experienced in analyzing and reading others - specifically emotionally. so, also, learning by analyzing. everything.

for my portrayal, frank takes a very specific interest in the philosophical belief and views from nihilism. this is also due to his sociopathy. frank is a true nihilist, as he does mean to see the world burn (he does have a jokeresque perspective - which again, is really just sociopathy) frank wants to lay waste to most of society because frank has been failed by the system repeatedly.

NIHILISM: a philosophical viewpoint that rejects fundamental aspects of human existence, such as: knowledge, morality, meaning, traditional values and beliefs, and the existence of objective truth. 

a true nihilist would believe in nothing, have no loyalties, and no purpose other than, perhaps, an impulse to destroy.

"This story, Frankie, happens in the future." She grabs a black felt marker and writes Soldiers of Mayhem on his white shirt. He smirks. "I like the idea, but I hate the name." Julie shrugs. "It's a work in progress."

on forming a name for their group: frank liked the idea behind legion, but he didn't care about edgy aesthetics, he cared about expression. frank's dialogue is in bold.

Let's break into the store! Get some more supplies! Set the whole place on fire to let Ormond feel the wrath of The Legion". Joey freezes when he hears the name. Frank raises a curious eyebrow and then nods approvingly. "I like it. I like it a lot".

the legion is expressive for their group, since it is about the idea of having a steady following and group of people with the same beliefs and goals in life - or so frank thought ... [later on, in the fog, i have frank reinvent himself as the nihilist as opposed to the legion, where he separates from the group and becomes what he was always meant to be in the fog originally]

"The clearer you are about what you want and the more focused you are in imagining it the faster you rewire the world to your favour." [ ... ] "Let's all just imagine buckets of money. Money is dead on its own. Money doesn't inspire the world. Real passion and emotion does. See yourself doing what it is you want to do for the rest of your life with passion. Be clear and focused and do not waver and watch the world work in your favour."

frank is inspiring legion here, it is about goal setting and envisioning the mark and legacy you wish to leave on the world - he is explaining how goal setting can bring out a motivational drive and/or type of power surge that is close to happiness, which is a strong waft of feeling, something that frank naturally lacks. it takes extremity for frank to feel.

frank's 'design' was never murder, serial murder or prolific murder. frank's 'design' was always about destruction and ruination - mostly of society. it isn't about the murder, or the destruction, it is about the precision of thought, effort and originality that is put into the works behind the design.

to end it all off with some extra/misc sociopathic things:

Frank tells him to stop panicking. They grab supplies for the cabin. Paint. Brushes. Masks. A snow globe captures Frank's eyes. Joey tells him to leave it. Says it's his boss's collector globe, the first snow globe for tourists when Ormond became a popular getaway for snowboarders and skiers. Frank scoffs and takes the globe anyway. 

frank doesn't do with with people experiencing emotions, he doesn't relate to it and he doesn't understand why people experience them to the degrees that they do. he doesn't do well with reassurances neither. it's why he simply tells joey to stop panicking.

frank probably, more than likely, wasn't going to originally steal the snow globe but because joey told him to leave it alone. frank felt more inclined to steal to it then, this is to prove to himself and to joey that frank doesn't listen to anyone and will always do what he wants first. it is a small defiant behavior and one of my faves from canon.

[litcityblues]

The Wheel of Time Rewatch/Reread Pt. 1

The Wheel of Time debuted on Amazon in November of 2021 and the reaction to it was, I think it would be safe to say, decidedly mixed. In general, it was well-received enough to get another season pretty quickly (and now it's earned a third season as well) but fans of the books were not pleased. (To the point where some of them earned the moniker of 'Bookcloaks' on various Wheel of Time subreddits and other places online.)

My fandom growing up was Star Trek, so I think because of that experience, I tend to grade shows on a fairly generous curve. (Every Trek Fan knows that it takes a Trek show three seasons to 'grow its beard' and get really good-- I don't know if that pattern is holding with the newer shows, but certainly, this applies to the '90s run of Trek.) Given that, I was fairly agnostic on the First Season of The Wheel of Time-- I thought some of the criticism was fair but didn't quite understand why people were so vociferous about other aspects of it.

After the end of the 2nd Season, I got curious and decided I would embark upon a closer examination of the source material while I re-watched the show. Since the first season covered the first book, The Eye of The World, that's what I started with. (I also re-read New Spring as well.)

My general hypothesis is this: Maybe Season 1 isn't that good because Eye of the World isn't the best book in the series?

Upon reflection, I don't think that's a fair assessment of either the book or the first season of the show. There's a lot the show does really, really well- but reading the book shows where the gaps in the first season are obvious and even, perhaps, detrimental. People who object to the First Season aren't wrong-- there were some things I objected to, especially in the last episode. But I also think we have to acknowledge the constraints showrunners are forced to operate under as well.

Amazon, for whatever reason, is putting the lion's share of its money into The Rings of Power. Would I be happier if The Wheel of Time had their budget? I sure would. But the two bigger constraints are to make a television show for people who have read the books and the people who haven't AND only having eight episodes to work with. The former is something every adapted work has to deal with, the latter explains the compressed storylines of the first season far more than the former.

So, let's talk about what the first season gets right:

I like that they hit the ground running. It takes a while for the book to get started- though in a mild defense of The Eye of The World, a lot of the front part of the book really sets up more plot threads that pay off further in the series than you realize a first.

Padan Fain (Johann Myers) is perfect. No notes there-- though it would be nice if he was a little more cracked and broken by the end, but I like him and, more to the point, I like that he keeps showing up- sometimes even just in passing.

The Whitecloaks are also absolutely perfect right from the jump and they are menacing, they are dangerous and Valda's casting (Abdul Salis) is also absolutely perfect.

The Tinkers are excellent. So is Thom (Alexandre Williams)- when he tells them about his nephew Owyn, that's more or less straight from the book. More perfect casting: Loial (Hammed Animashaun), Siuan Sanche (Sophie Okwendo)

The Ways work really well- they track very closely to what goes down in the book. They're not in The Ways as much, but with their 8 episode limit, things are compressed- I get it. Machin Shin is really well done- Nyn's Super Saidar I do have an issue with, but we'll get to that in a bit.

I do like that the show expanded the role of Logain (Alvaro Morte) a bit right off the bat. In the book he's referred to and Rand catches sight of him in Caemlyn but that's all we see of him until much later. I like that the show demonstrates just how destructive his army has been and how they portray his madness as shadowy figures whispering to him.

So what fits with the books better than the show?

It's been a while since I've read Eye Of The World, but there's an EARLIER chapter that is like when they're kids and Tam tells them the story of the Dragon? I don't remember it at all also: Egewene has sisters which is something I don't remember at all. But the original prologue where we see Lews Therin destroy himself: still slaps. 10/10 way to open this book. (I don't know if the Prologue to the Prologue was something they added in later editions or what, but it's weird and seems redundant to me.)

If you've read quite literally any other fantasy novel, the early chapters are chock full of loosely concealed references. They're waiting for a festival to start- someone is late and is bringing fireworks? They're a ring and a birthday party away from Bilbo's bash in the Shire. Similarly, the black figure in the cloak has to be from The Belgariad. Eddings might have taken that from somewhere else, but that's where I recognized it from. (The show plays with this too: their pursuit def looks like the flight to Rivendell from The LoTR movies.)

The books have Lan and Moiraine concealing their identities-- whereas the show has them revealed right away. I think the book does that better, but if you don't want to piss around with character development and just get down to brass tacks, I can see making the choice the show made. But the book does it better. With Moraine facing down the mob? ("Is this what Aemon's blood has come to?") Thom is also introduced from the jump, which I like and I love that he recognizes Moiraine right away and doesn't want to have anything to do with her.

13 chapters we spend in the Two Rivers-- nearly 25% of the book and far more than I remember, but it's worth it. Winternight is really what gets you hooked as a reader. That sense of isolation as Rand is trying to get to the safety of the village of being alone in the wilderness and hearing Tam's fever dream letting his parentage slip.

The journey out of the Two Rivers which in the book leads to Caemlyn and not Tar Valon is remixed and reorganized but lays the plot threads for things like the Aiel (in the mining camp) and Birgitte (when they stay in the barn and kill the Fade) and while in the books we meet Bayle Domon in the first book, he do show up in the television show right at the start of season two. I get that they have time constraints they need to work with, but missing Whitebridge in the show is big for me. After Shadar Logoth in the books, there is a profound uptick in the pace of the book. Perrin and Egwene are running. Mat and Rand are running. Lan, Moiraine, and Nynaeve are running. Those chapters really hit home in the books, the impact of them is lessened here.

But what the book does have that the show doesn't is so much foreshadowing. The World of Dreams doesn't get explicit until Book 3 or Book 4 territory, but it's right there in Book 1, even if we don't know what to call it yet. We see references to the Giant Fist on Tremalking, which we see used to cleanse saidin much, much later in the series and we get references to the Panarch's Palace in Tanchico that pays off down the road as well. Rand is also unconsciously channeling now and again throughout the whole book and if you read it again, it's kind of obvious.

Nynaeve's relationship with Moiraine is far more hostile in the books-- she's not a huge fan of the show either, but it's coded as far more hostile in the books which tracks better with what we know about Nynaeve's block and her ability to channel. Her Super Saidar and Egwene's bringing Nyn back from the dead at the end of the show are the things I objected to the most. At no point in the books does channeling work that way and more importantly, it's inconsistent with the show itself as no other Aes Sedai shows even a fraction of the ability the possible exception of Moiraine and the lightning/fireballs against the Trollocs. I get that Nyn and Egwene are supposed to be strong- maybe the strongest potential Aes Sedai in centuries in the books, but they're not that strong.

The 'Perrin Kills His Wife' thing is also not nearly as bad as it appears to be in the show-- if you dig into the books a bit. you'll get to the chapter where Egewene, Perrin, and Elyas are trying to outrun the ravens-- there are so many of them that they will be torn apart if they're caught. In the books, Perrin is presented as being very aware of his capacity for violence- he's a big kid, but for the first time in that chapter he has to contemplate if he would kill Egwene to spare her from being torn apart by the ravens. It's kind of the inverse of what they do in the show: there, they establish his capacity for violence/temper/to kill and his struggle is fighting that. (Though he has far less interaction with Hopper in real life than I remembered-- and to the show's credit, they bumped Hopper's death to Season 2.)

I am also thoroughly unbothered by the Siuan and Moiraine of it all- again, Sophie Okwendo was perfect casting and she uses the required fish metaphors "Skin me and salt me!"- the main series nods to the notion with all the talk of 'pillow friends' but New Spring goes a step further and straight up makes it explicit: "Siuan wanted to kiss Moiraine. So she did." Also, just look at a map of Tar Valon, then go look at some Georgia O'Keefe paintings, and then come back and talk to me. Extrapolate accordingly and if this is the hill you choose to die on with the first season of this show, I can't help you.

The first time through, I had a big problem with the Oath of Fealty that Siuan makes Moiraine take. It's subtle, but Siuan makes her swear fealty to 'the judgment of this seat' which is different and doesn't, to me, imply absolute obedience to the Amyrlin. It does what the show needs it to do- which is to kick Moiraine out of Tar Valon and make sure she can't come back. BUT, Moiraine changes the words of her reply? Does that still bind her? I have questions about this because at the end of Season 2 it looks like an awful lot like Compulsion-- I think that's going to be used against Siuan when Elaida takes her down, but I also think the show kind of made a hash of it all. (Also: what's with that secret passageway thing to the hut? Is that Travelling? I have so many questions!)

The show does get some world-building in that I think is important-- I think exploring what it's like when Warders lose their Aes Sedai is important. I think having white be the color of mourning and the whole funeral sequence was really, really excellent- but not at all in the book.

The struggle with Ishmael (great casting, again!) also tracks really well with the books-- The Last Battle in the books ends up being a very cerebral, inner struggle type of affair, it's an unseen fight and the show sets that pattern as well, even if Rand doesn't realize who Ishmael is quite yet.

The show, I think, misses The Eye of The World. I love The Green Man and how The Blight is portrayed in the books far more than the show and the show is wrong in that the Dark One's prison isn't at the eye.

Little Internet Birdies seem to be convinced that we're getting Queen Morgase, Gawyn, and Galad next season-- but the sequence in Caemlyn is really excellent in the book. At this point, you've already heard about ta'veren from Loial, but meeting Elayne, the Queen, Elaida, Gareth Bryne-- all of that is Rand being ta'veren like crazy and would have been an awesome thing to include in the show.

Moiraine and Lan's relationship in the first season also makes what happens in the second season seem profoundly bizarre. She references not being able to see men's weaves but doesn't actually make that jump until late in the second season and it takes Lan to figure that out? Seems contradictory to me-- she also tells him at one point: "Your losses are mine and mine yours" but then proceeds to shut him out for most of season two? So weird.

The show also dances around "Who could be the Dragon" way too much-- the idea of "five potential Dragons" is something that I get that has to squarely aim at new viewers who hadn't read the books, but it got tiresome, especially since it became pretty obvious who it was- good television practice probably means you want to make that reveal a big moment for the show, but it just didn't work for me.

If you're making this show, you want to balance between new viewers and book readers-- they cannot make a television show that requires people to do homework. Hopefully, they can build a world that inspires people to go and read the books, but if you've read the books already that's a tough thing to accept. So I get the unhappiness, but only to a point. My verdict stands: the First Season was better than people give it credit for, given the constraints they were operating under. At the time, it earned my confidence enough to give a second season a chance and that season was a vast improvement over the first. I'm onboard and ready to go for Season 3.

[akatsuki-celeste]

Sleep Advice?

So I've been debating on whether or not to put this out into the void because I'm not actually used to sincerely asking for advice on the 'net - I like it, I take it when it's offered in good faith and welcome, but for some reason I just don't normally feel comfortable asking. But at the moment I find myself at a loss and am somewhat desperate for a direction to go in.

I've been having sleeping issues for a long time now, I think they started as a byproduct of my chronic illness, anxiety/depression and medication, but at this point it doesn't matter to much how they started so much as how to appropriately approach fixing them. I've been trying to work through it with two psychiatrists and one therapist and at this point I'm just. Frustrated and at a loss. I can't tell if I'm being heard, or if I'm the one who just isn't listening. So I'm looking for an outside perspective. Full details under the cut.

My first psych started me on zolpidem for sleep and essentially told me to take it as often as needed, so long as I don't overlap it with another medication that also causes sleep (anxiety meds, antihistamines, etc). This went well at first, but as time went on the medication seemed to become less and less effective, which I chalked up to tolerance bulid-up. I continued to ask him for advice on adjustment and he continued to give it, but not once did he ever suggest using the medication as a last resort only.

Due to changes within his practice, I got reassigned to another psychiatrist who picked up where he left off, except that she had a very different approach to my sleep meds. She told me to only take the zolpidem as a last resort (same with benadryl, dexmethylphneidate and clonazapam) because these meds potentially cause long-term side effects to my mental cognition. So I backed off heavy as she said, but while it did make the zolpidem a bit more effective when I did need it, I no longer had a good baseline for both when to take it and what I should be trying first. I brought it up with her at our next appointment, and she began telling me to do various non-medication-related things to help promote sleep. My therapist also backed this up with the same suggestions. These included: removing all light, turning off electronics, giving myself downtime before sleep, avoiding my bedroom unless it was to sleep and sleep alone, and also meditation. All things I've heard before, all sound in theory and all things I was willing to try.

The problem I'm having now is that none of them worked. Removing all light and electronics hasn't helped me sleep and has in fact had a detrimental effect on my anxiety and my ability to deal with one of my chronic conditions (severe eczema), which of course just makes sleep that much harder in a vicious circle. Avoiding my bedroom is easy enough because all I have in there is my bed, but the downtime and the meditation are also not working well because when the more quiet the world is around me, the more my brain wants to make up for it, which is turn just makes me more awake. In the past I've compensated by just reading or watching a show or playing a video game until I've literally exhausted my eyes and have to close them, but now I'm being told that for like at least an hour before I go to bed, I should just not to any of that and sit in a quiet room with dim lights. I've tried explaining the seemingly swapped effects of this to my therapist and she just keeps insisting that it doesn't work that way and I need to keep at it. I've tried asking why and it feels like I'm always being deflected. It's possible I'm being impatient, I know I have that flaw. But I also feel like at this point something should be giving, and nothing seems to.

So am I being impatient, or should I be seeking out second opinions from other psychiatrists/therapists? It seems weird to me that I'm being told not to touch any medication at all unless it's the last resort when not sleeping at all can also have a (much more immediate) effect on my wellbeing. I start a new job in two weeks and the last thing I want is my insomnia/hypersomnia cycle to put that in jeopardy. Any suggestions would be welcome and please if you honestly think that's it just me and I need to be more patient and less stubborn, I want to hear that, too. I'm shit at holding myself accountable in these kind of situations.

Thanks in advance for reading this!

[rainslayre]

JANUARY HIATUS ™️  (and more)

a’ight, so here’s the deal :  my mom & i (plus one friend for 2/3rds of the trip) are gonna be TRAVELING for almost 3(ish)+ weeks in less than 12 hours (because it’s midnight of the 2nd as i’m writing this up & our plane takes off @ 10:30 in the damn morning) and i sadly cannot bring my laptop with me because  —  aside from being Kinda frail  —  it’s old as balls & Literally Cannot Function unless plugged into a working electrical socket. so getting straight to my point is that i cannot format, i cannot shove Painstaking Hours of edits icons into posts, i BASICALLY can’t do / write my drafts the way i’ve grown Way Too Accustomed to at this point. and no salt to the people who get their shit done take it the Simple & Clean Easy route, i’m just a bitch of old habits (and also i have memories of unformatted replies that i’d rather just Not dig up). but y’all, kh fans who are my mutuals, Hit Me Up so we can cry together once the Re:Mind dlc releases  (*aggressively screams for my husband, terra, in the back*)

not to mention barely A Week after we come back is when Spring Semester starts for me at my college with the classes i’ve already signed on for, and this time my mom is Definitely pushing for me to Actually take on the classes i need for proper credits (because ngl i’ve been kinda fucking around since 2019 summer). oh myg od, and then there’s March where i’m probably gonna throw all (if not most) of my free time into grinding out & playing FFVII’s Re:Make, and then (*coughs for bitch day* then) i’m gonna go fucking ham Living Like A NEET once P5Royal is out late March / Early April as of which i will have every excuse for a 120+ Hour Game That Has Ruined My Life.

goD, PLEASE, WHY IS 2020 ALREADY SO BUSY   this isn’t me saying “goodbye” or any of that crap (because tumblr holds my life by the balls, honestly) just that 2020 is gonna be Hell And More for me. i look forward to what the future holds & here’s to more (hopefully better, but meh) bullshit for a year that’s better than my own eyesight, you anti - social heathens !   (and yes, i will have a Much Smaller Post to reblog every once in a While to remind y’all that i’m not home but i’m also not dead [yet] because My Inner Gremlin refuses to let my musings & shitpostings die like my will to live did)

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

[resinatingbeauty]

A 'Witch Shop' Owner's Plea Before Casting That Love Spell

I don't personally offer many spell kits, mojo bags, etc. In my shop and avoid selling my 'Craft', as in, I don't advertise or list spell casting among my offerings, though I have had a couple of customers specifically ask if I could perform a spell I offered as a kit on their behalf for whatever reason. This is because I personally believe that the journey is just as important as the destination in witchcraft and many of the spell kits / spells I do offer are designed in such a way to soothe, relax, release, and heal throughout the process. Honestly, in addition, I really don't want the responsibility associated with performing magick on someone else's behalf for many reasons. The strength of my intent is not going to be as strong as yours, for example. Even if I effectively channel your energy, creating that personal connection between the beneficiary and the intent or purpose of the spell work is incredibly difficult at a distance. I'm always wary of other shops advertising this type of service- the sad truth of the matter is our little niche has been permeated by scammers, con artists, and frauds looking to take advantage of anyone looking for a solution to whatever it is that has them at this low point in life. I will tell you, more often than not it's love spells that the customer is after, and they are apt to find many options on Etsy, the platform I primarily do business on, and beyond.

I distinctly think of one potential customer who had contacted me one night obviously very upset. My heart went out to her immediately - I could just tell by what she was saying and how quickly she responded to me that she was in a state of panic and extreme emotional distress. She isn't the only one, but she stands out from the others as her desire to win back her ex lover was so strong it was evident that she would do anything and (potentially) pay anything for a chance to get things back to the way they were in her love life.

I am a human being. I have been given this amazing opportunity to pursue my passion to share my creations and spiritual / metaphysical knowledge with the world through my work. I understood a long time ago that this also meant I had a responsibility to do my best to help those in need and never knowingly harm, much like a doctor commuting to the Hippocratic oath. This may make me a flat out horrible business woman, but I would rather not sell someone on something I don't believe is going to help their situation. In fact, love spells usually make things worse. I'll get to that momentarily.

"Is there a spell to make her see what she has done wrong and to make her love and want me again?"

I allowed this customer to explain to me the situation and took the time to hear her out after telling her that I'm sure that she could find something like that elsewhere and someone else willing to sell her a spell kit or cast that spell, but I urged her to take a deep breath and talk to me before she did something that she would regret.

Thankfully, she spent the next hour or so explaining her situation and elaborating on everything that has happened in her relationship. It was one of those on again / off again things that so many of us get trapped in. Understandable, considering once you establish that strong bond of love, whether one sided or not, it's incredibly hard to cut that cord and move on especially if you're so emotionally invested (and maybe even financially invested) in this other individual who has had your heart for so long you can't imagine giving it to anyone else.

This PSA goes out to the broken hearted of all walks, as this is a universal experience for anyone who has been in love. There may not be someone to stop you from pursuing what you think will fix everything as I did for her, but I'm hoping if you read this, you'll think twice about acquiring and performing love spells or any magick in hopes that it will provide a quick fix to any situation.

•Beware the Opportunistic Con / Scam

Our field is flooded with scammers, con artists, and frauds that exclusively cater to those in this sweet girl's position and anyone who is vulnerable due to emotional distress or panic. Whether you need a love spell like she did to win back her ex or a quick fix to get more money in the bank or what have you, beware those that have used spiritual advisory and witchcraft as a means to peddle you their high priced garbaged. This is a tough one, as you may have a hard time deciphering what is 'legit' and what isn't, but there are some signs and facts you can look for when browsing these shops / websites.

-They promise / guarantee results within a specific or unrealistic time frame

Magick takes time to manifest and the true story is that nobody has a 100% satisfaction guaranteed spell book. More often than not, when spells come to fruition, it often isn't quite the way you would expect it to, either. Anyone promising a quick fix to anything is most likely just trying to take advantage of you when you are vulnerable and you better believe there will be no money back guarantee if said garbage doesn't work for you. OR, they like to do one of these:

-"Oh, your situation is worse than I thought. You're going to need this and this, with a huge $$$$ price tag."

This starts a never ending cycle of you pouring money into this scammer who will make you believe that it is necessary to do so. That maybe if you did throw them an extra $500 for their thingamajig that you will get what you want. This is only the beginning, as when THAT doesn't do it for you the way you would like, they will claim some other interference, maybe you're cursed or under psychic attack, and need something else even more expensive and elaborate to take care of that before you can even get to what you went to them for in the first place. Anytime someone proposes this type of thing, stop while you're ahead and don't provide them with a guaranteed cash flow that you aren't benefitting from at all. Also, be wary of ANY seller who makes outrageous claims- overnight changes, curing cancer, etc. Are unrealistic expectations.

•Understand What You Truly Need

Maybe it's time to consider an alternative path. The customer I spoke about DID ultimately purchase a tarot spread, which I was much more inclined to do for her than some love spell to win back this girl who has repeatedly broken her heart over the past few years and obviously got a kick out of it, the way she told it, as it was ALWAYS her doing the breaking up and blocking, starting all the drama. I told her I would much rather give her a spell to find her twin flame / soul mate than to win this person back who has perpetually been hurting her and taking advantage of her kindness.

Sometimes it's time to cut the cord before more damage is done. I understand it isn't easy to move on from someone you have loved and cultivated a relationship with over a long period of time, regardless of the negative energy that has invaded the relationship, we DO tend to focus on the positives, which leaves us a bit biased and blind to what we could have and deserve to have.

Take a moment if you are in a relationship situation like this, are beginning to question your current relationship, or are considering taking the next step in any relationship. Sit down with a pen and paper. On one side of the paper, write down all the things you love about that person. All the ways you think they have been the light in your life (be honest and give credit where credit is due!). Now on the other side, list the negatives or cons in your relationship. If one list is noticeably longer than the other, depending on which side it is, it may be time to consider breaking it off, giving things another shot, or taking things to the next level. Ask yourself;

-Do they support me in what I do, even if they don't understand or necessarily agree with it? (So long as it is something healthy -obviously if they're supportive of a bad habit or detrimental behavior, this is more like enabling and not a good thing)

-Do they have my best interests at heart more often than not?

-Do they show that they care? Even in the smallest of ways?

-Could I call them my "best friend?" Am I honest with them?

-Are they honest with me?

-Do they lift me up more than they put me down?

-Do you want the same things in life / have similar priorities?

-Is our relationship valuable to them the same way it is to me?

•LOVE SPELLS NEVER WORK THE WAY YOU WANT

This is the cold hard truth about love spells. Forget the warnings in movies and books, as it is hard to believe them or even take them as a legitimate warning when you haven't had the displeasure of experiencing what a love spell can do for yourself. I have, so you don't have to. This is MY story:

Of course love spells are very appealing when you're a young and naive teenager. I had a strong crush on this guy I had low key been stalking since middle school. I don't know why I liked him so much. Part of it I'm sure was the way he looked (hey, I'm being totally honest!) And how he came across to me. We had absolutely no interaction with each other outside of passing each other in the hallway. He had no idea who I was.

I had just borrowed a copy of Silver Ravenwolf's 'Teen Witch' (which is honestly a fantastic book for teens and young adults just starting to delve into Wiccan practices, which she follows exclusively) from a friend of mine and thought I would try the super simple love spell in the book figuring I had nothing to lose. All it consisted of was focusing on the subject, your intentions, writing their name on a piece of paper, folding it up and placing it under your pillow. I would sleep on that paper for months. I was in middle school just about to go into my freshman year of high school when I performed the spell and would forget about it up until the day it worked, a few months into my freshman year of highschool, when my crush was in the graduating class of that year- literally my last chance to make an impression.

I had gone to a local band's concert that was performing at the school's auditorium one day after classes and was just about to leave when my crush randomly approached me and started talking to me. It was like the whole world just stopped right there. I couldn't believe it. The thought of that spell crossed my mind briefly as we exchanged phone numbers.

Over time and getting to know him, he admittedly wasn't exactly my type. He was still someone whose friendship I valued, but not someone I could really put any effort into dating. About the time I realized this, his personality took a complete 180° turn for the worst. He was stalking me. Blowing up my cell phone (which was a prepaid piece of junk at that time I really couldn't talk on for more than a minute without paying a fortune), so much so one evening when I was at Jukido Jujitsu practice that I came home to something like 32 missed calls and 17 voicemails from him, each one showing gradual frustration and anger. This scared me. I knew I had to confront him about it and break this off before it got worse.

I caught him in a populated area of the school the next day before homeroom- more like he came up to me out of nowhere like he knew I would be passing through that part of the school that day- and I confronted him about the calls,attempting to gently explain to him that I wasn't interested in a relationship and I would like to continue being friends. He blew up at me and threw me against the brick wall of the school, trying to kiss and touch me in front of every single person that walked by. I wish I was making this up.

Thankfully a teacher came and pulled him off. Nothing much else was done. I did my best to avoid him and cut him out of my life entirely from that point on.

I don't know if it was the love spell or if this would have occurred anyways. All I knew was that what had been originally a very sweet, big hearted guy that was soft spoken with low self esteem became a monster in a matter of weeks. The take away from this and what I have personally seen with other's experiences with love spells is that they tend to bring out the worst characteristics of the person they are cast on and you have to be really careful what you are actually asking for when thinking about 'desire' and 'passion.' This intent can quickly lead to stalking, obsession, and not in a good way. Another customer of mine who originally came to me for my Forgiveness Spell Kit and had the desired results also, unbeknownst to me, had someone else perform a love and desire spell in addition to it. The guy that she was reverted into an obsessed jerk who decided to spread rumors about her on social media and beyond, blocked her on all platforms, and would get her friends involved in his quest to make her life miserable. Her story reflects and embodies so many I have heard over the years from others who have dabbled in such spells. When they work, it's just never quite what you had in mind.

So if you came to this blog post in search of a love spell for your personal situation or came across it when you have maybe considered one in the past or know someone who has, please take a deep breath, consider your options, and don't do anything that you may regret down the line. Remember that you are deserving of all the love, respect, support, and happiness one could give another. Do not settle on someone who offers you less and expects more, no matter how much you have invested in them, no matter how many years you have spent with them, as they do not appreciate you for the amazing person you are. I can promise you, however, given some time to heal, you WILL find someone who does.

-Samantha

(Owner /Chaos Witch/Designer)

Blursedbaubles.etsy.com

[realasunicorns]

"Give me a character and I will answer"

@callmehername asked me about Ben Solo/Kylo Ren.

(My answers to the other characters are here)

Why I like them

It is hard to talk about this character when I know so little about him, since he's very new compared to all the others. So be kind if I make assumptions bc it's mostly what we can do for now, I think. For me at least, to take what we canonically know about him for sure doesn't leave much to choose, so I'm doing my own thing a bit 🤷🏻‍♀️

Having said this:

Basically, I like him bc he's complex. He's conflicted, but that's something we've seen before. He's also unstable tho. Really unstable.

But I also like him because I feel like I have a hard time reading him. Like, we know he's unstable, but... Are his actions those of a conflicted (and traumatized and probably brainwashed) child grown up? Or not really? I mostly get the feeling he could be very determined and manipulative under that confused look. That he knows exactly what he's doing even if he looks like a mess with temper tantrums. That he's conflicted and he knows people know that, so he uses that as a disguise, like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Or maybe it isn't that at all. Maybe he's THAT misguided. I guess we'll have to wait for Episode IX to find out more, but for now I like that he keeps me guessing.

Then there is also the fact that troughout the Episodes, we are repeatedly told by the Jedi that one must resist the Dark Side. It is easy to fall and once you do, it forever will dominate your destiny. And I think it's fascinating how Kylo is permanently fighting to stay in it. For someone to show such a struggle with the Dark Side, it could mean an increadibly strong alignment to the Light and/or that he was pushed into the darkness by someone without his consent (hello Snoke) probably by means of an idea in his mind. An idea that was wrong all along: what Vader was supposed to be like. What he was supposed to be too. So he's holding onto the darkness on sheer determination to be that. (Which I find to be very ironic bc if you read my opinion on Anakin I always thought he was conflicted all along, Vader as well. Maybe not just like Ben, but he wasn't like Sheev, that kind of pure evil that Ben seems to think he was.)

To me it all goes down to: would he struggle as much to stay in the Light as he struggles to be in the Dark? How much of it was Snoke's doing? Walking the fine line between the Light and the Dark would make him even more interesting as a character. And it also brings something into the table that I've been waiting for many, many years: actual force balance/the Grey/etc.

So, essentially, what I love the most about his character is all the possibilities he brings to the table and the fact that he's not just a villian, not just a [insert other classic character tropes here].

(I could say the same about Rey in a way, since they are two sides of the same coin. But also not quite the same. And also I'm not here to talk about Rey haha)

Why I don’t

To me it makes no sense his name is Ben unless there's something I missed. I'm still waiting for an explanation that makes it fitting.

(oh and also he's supposed to be 29 and he doesn't feel like it to me? and sometimes I feel confused? lol idk how to explain it bc I don't really know what bugs me, but something feels off 🤷🏻‍♀️ but that's about it, no big deal at all haha)

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

Easy. When he kills Snoke in The Last Jedi. More like, how he does it. I'm a huge fan of the whole deception he plays on him.

And let me say I think he might have had it planned all along when he took that look at the guards while being in the room that time before 👀

Favorite season/movie

IDK AAAAH

Maybe it's the one to come?

No, seriously. I really don't know. I have no preference atm.

If I must choose based on him aesthetically tho, then I'm choosing The Force Awakens! TFA hair AAAAALL THE WAY:

GIF source*

Favorite line

"Forgive me. I feel it again... The pull to the Light."

I just love it.

Favorite outfit

I believe he's only had one?

GIF source*

One very much on point tho👌🏻

OTP

I don't ship him romantically atm 🤔

BROTP

OMG ALSO NO BROTPs?! I JUST DON'T SHIP HIM AT ALL. I REALLY BOUGHT THE SPACE EMO KID THING HE'S SELLING 🤣

Head Canon

He understands Wookie like it's his mother tongue.

He and Chewie used to play when he was a kid. It was like having a huge (and alive) teddy bear friend to play with. They would do mechanics together and later some piloting maybe?

💔

(OK, MAYBE I WANTED HIM AND CHEWIE AS BROTP BUT IT'S NOT POSSIBLE ANYMORE, HE KILLED HAN FFS AAAAHHH😭😭😭)

Unpopular opinion

The anti's are not morally superior, they are just haters and bullies.

First of all, acting as if Kylo Ren was the devil is non-sense in GFFA. He's not that bad if you compared to so many others lol He's no saint, but why would he have to be? And even if it was denying someone a redemption before he can even claim it or whatever is really, really shitty. So there's no hope then for people to improve? Shouldn't they be encouraged to get better specially if they have been wrong and hurt others? Not discouraged? What kind of shit is that.

And second, shipping him with Rey or whoever is fine even if it was unhealthy. I have seen a million unhealthy ships (some in GFFA too) and no one ever made a big deal because it is no big deal. And this one should be no different. You just want an excuse to hate. Besides, many shippers actually ship them in AUs. So it's not necessarily an unhealthy ship. But in case it was, it's none of your business. And certainly no one deserves the shitty treatment these people give to the shippers. And on top of all of that, I find disgusting that they use something as detrimental as abusive relationships as an excuse to be bullying other fans. WHICH IS ABUSIVE TOO, HELLO. To use your (supposedly) superior morals as the reason to be rightfully allowed to discriminate others is by definition abusive behaviour. And this is real life, not some fictional character's. Really, really ugly shit smh

#RANTOVER.

A wish

I hope they don't play the classic redemption arc and stick to the simple usual light vs. darkness thing. Give something more complex, something good, something different. GIVE SOMETHING INSPIRING.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

I don't think Reylo is a good idea in canon, like, there being romantically involvement in the movie.

Not bc of the relationship itself. Although I would prefer none of it, I don't know what they are planning and I don't think I know better than the creators, so it could probably be done right in some way if that's really the plan. And who knows, maybe I would enjoy it(?) Butr my taste, the balance of the force should be the plot and I feel this, even as a sub-plot, would overshadow it. So it's a no for me atm.

Also imagine all the haters backlash if it happened... Look, idk if I have enough patience for another TLJ 😱

(SEE? HATERS ARE WHY THERE IS NO FREEDOM OF WRITING ANYMOREok I try to chill nowBUT SERIOUSLY STOP THE FLAME WARSi want an overall happy fandom why can't we have it)

5 words to best describe them

Lonely. Misunderstood. Overpowered. Unstable. Capable.

My nickname for them

Kylo is fine haha I don't think I ever call him Ben (by now you know I don't much like him being called that)

I fail at the nickname thing, I really have no nicknames for any of them! Ok maybe space emo prince 👀 😂

GIF source*

And this is it!

Unicorn Kisses!🦄

–

*Excuse the not-so-great cites of GIF sources BLAME THE TUMBLR APP, I’ll change them once I have a computer... some day. There's also the fact that some source didn't exist(?) so I linked what I could find.

[actualaster]

Its less that "we don't use that word" and more "for some reason this word fell out of common use"

Trigger got misappropriated into the role squick filled because New Fandom has lost a lot of information that was common in Older Fandom.

There are multiple terms that went that way. Citrus scale isn't really used much but I think that's largely thanks to AO3 with more detailed tagging systems and no risk of being deleted for posting it (unlike FFN which would delete stuff willy-nilly).

Squee is another I don't really see used much or at all though it still is definitely relevant.

Or like how there are an entire generation of younger fans baffled by the use of disclaimers or people who mark gay content as don't like/don't read, not realizing we were originally writing fic in a time where we could get sued or where people would attack you for writing m/m depending on the fandom. (Speaking of, why did "dead dove, do not eat" get so popular when we already have "don't like don't read"? I suspect it's because "dl;dr" became such common practice it stopped needing a tag since it was just what you do and then newer, younger fans didn't know the terminology existed)

Flame, also, is a word I don't see these days though I say we bring it back because people 100% still flame fanworks.

Fandom wank got morphed into The Discourse which is so frustrating because calling it Discourse gives it an air of legitimacy when really its just classic Ship Wars and Fandom Wank.

Speaking of, Ship Wars isn't used as much these days because the current state of thing involves calling a ship you dislike Problematic and crucifying it for every minor flaw, but if you actually LOOK at the dynamics of what's happening and who's involved and what THEY ship, you can fairly often find the Discourse has roots in what we absolutely called Ship Wars back in the day.

Ive seen people do analysis before, i think the censorship crusades on LJ and fandom fragmenting and migrating has had something to do with it, because people LOST that knowledge because newer fans didn't have a wealth of older fandom peers to give example and teach them. It works well with the Purity Police campaigns which also contribute, i would imagine.

It may also be why we have younger folks who are baffled by the fact that adults in fandom exist, because they don't realize fandom was created by adults, for themselves back before the internet and then just widened to allow all ages into sections of it (and why they flip out finding sections that are blatantly labeled as adult-only), or those who are like "lmao what's this disclaimer thing nobody thinks u own canon lol" becsuse they don't realize that not all that long ago they COULD be sued for writing fic and that people DID get C&D letters and DMCA notices over fanfic--disclaimers didn't stop that but it was the only defense possible aside from not posting it at all, or posting to gates forums/websites that required vetting to get in and that went down when the creator lost interest or couldn't afford to keep the servers or domain running anymore. (And that OTW, which is behind AO3, is one of the major reasons we aren't living under that fear anymore--those same folks who call for AO3 to die because it archives everything rather than moderates content don't realize that they have lawyers specifically to help argue that fanfic isn't copyright infringement)

Basically there is a lot of Fandom History and Terminology that has been lost over the years that its been detrimental to lose, and squick was just one of those things rather than people actively abandoning it.

#bringbackSquick

Did I just see, in the year of our lord 2020 on tumblr dort com, someone use the term 'squick'?

Do we not use squick any more?

Did not get that memo

had I received the memo I would have lit it on fire

[enewscafe-blog]

10 Reasons Why Your Account Isn't Growing and You Are Consistently Losing Instagram Followers!

Before you start reading this report, let me tell you that: if you're losing Instagram followers, you are like the others of us. (Yes, even me!) Noticing that each and every evening you have a few fewer followers than just one earlier, or perhaps you gain 10 just to lose 6 minutes later, is wholly normal. This can be just part of Instagram and part of the procedure for growing your accounts. Maybe not everybody will love your content forever, some people may play follow and unfollow games, and sometimes you liberally might be doing things that cause people to unfollow you, but that's why I am here! -- to assist you to figure out what those ideas are and prevent them in their tracks.

Below are 10 good reasons why you may be losing Instagram followers and the way you can prevent it from happening today. Should you take some opportunity to truly read each one and implement my suggestions onto your accounts, you should see a constant growth in followers and also people pesky unfollowers will get a worry of your past. So, if you're fed up with losing Instagram followers and also you wish to inject some life back into your feed, keep reading!

YOU'RE USING"Black-hat" Techniques AND GETTING"SHADOW BANNED"

Using robots such as Instagress or even FollowLiker to connect with users can not just bring in an unengaged and inauthentic following to an account, but it may also assist you in some trouble. If you're not aware of these services are, fundamentally you provide them access to Instagram credentials and so they automatically enjoy, comment, follow and unfollow on your behalf. In case it sounds convenient, it's because it is, but this program is contrary to Instagram's Terms of Service and should be avoided if you'd like to remain within their good books.

In the previous six months, Instagram has shown signs of ardently cracking down on services similar to this by straight-up deleting your account, or putting you under a"shadow ban" making everything look fine in theory, but realistically your posts are not being seen by your followers, your images are not being categorized in hashtags, and you've nearly become imperceptible on the platform. Which, obviously, might be seriously detrimental to the development of one's account.

2. You Are POSTING INCONSISTENTLY, OR YOU'RE POSTING TOO MUCH

If you've noticed that you're losing Instagram followers a lot more than you are gaining them, your mailing schedule may definitely have something to do with it. You've probably heard it before and I am sure you'll hear it again; Consistency is essential. (In most aspects of life too, not simply Instagram!) If you are posting haphazardly you aren't giving your audience an opportunity to get used to your content within their own feeds so when you do finally show up they may not remember that you are or why they followed at the first location. On the other hand, if you should be posting a lot, state 5times per day, you can quickly and easily annoy your followers that leads to them hitting that button that is uninstalled. For me personally, the joyful balance is 1-2 posts each day, or at a minimum, 5 posts each week.

When you post consistently your audience gets to know you a little bit better with each post. If your content is pleasurable to the eye as well as also your captions are interesting, they'll begin building respect for you and get excited whenever they view your posts. It's just like the first couple weeks of dating somebody new. . That you want to be around them all the time, but you've also gotta let them miss you a little bit to build up the text (What? You didn't think you had been gonna receive dating information once you landed this blog article? Well. . Think again my buddy )

3. YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION IS POOR

First impressions are all. When it is a job interview, a date, a speaking engagement, and sometimes here on Instagram, the first impression you create to a fresh visitor into your feed is so critical -- so be sure you don't mess it up!

Besides your images (that's covered in #4) first thing fresh people are going to see is your own biodegradable. Is it packed out? Does it explain that you are or what the business is? Do you say the way you may be able to assist them? Where you are located? Where they can find out more? etc.. If you've not done this, then you're missing out on a huge opportunity, and it's likely your first belief didn't move well!

4. You Are LACKING COHESIVENESS / CONSISTENCY / THEME

Just like your biodegradable, the images on your feed give your audience an immediate taste of what you are about and what they could get from you. If your feed is clunky with exceptionally different graphics, mismatched colors, and changing image qualities it is easy to frighten away potential followers.

5. YOUR CAPTIONS Are Not Intriguing OR ENGAGING

Good images can keep your followers curious, but great captions maintain your audience spent. If you find you are losing Insta-gram followers after you've only posted an image, your captions could be the culprit. In another article, think about including a number of the following matters:

* Context behind the image (what's happening here, why is it crucial, who is init?) * Inform a story (just how do you connect personally to the image, was it shot during a period of struggle, could it be something you adore, could it be an essential section of your business?) * Ask a question (receive your audience engaged !) * Use a call to actions (tell your viewers you want them to leave a comment, Double-tap, tag a buddy, or click on the link in your bio)

These basic tweaks create your audience feel like you are talking directly to them also it encourages them to participate together with your content. If what you're sharing resonates using them better believe they are going to keep coming back. If you're simply just uploading images with no context, odds are good they'll finally become bored and hit on unfollow button.

6. You Are Not USING Hash-tags Precisely

If you're not using hashtags at all, you are making a large mistake. If you're using hashtags however you aren't entirely sure about the ones that you're using or can not tell if you should be getting results from them, you are part of this majority on Instagram. Hashtags are a must-have for a bit of a good Instagram plan because they put your articles in front of new audiences daily. If you aren't with these, then you aren't necessarily going to lose followers, but you won't gain some new ones!

7. YOU AREN'T BEING PROACTIVE

You can't join Instagram, place a few pics and expect to own your following continuously growing day by day. Unfortunately, there's a degree of work and work that should be put in in order to see upwards growth also to keep your existing followers around. That effort comes in the shape of engaging with your audience, or potential crowd, on a daily basis. I recommend setting some time aside every day to enjoy and also discuss the images of people that you think may be interested in your articles (this is how you obtain new folks looking in your feed). I would also put aside time to participate to your present audience by responding to some comments left for your own pictures, or moving throughout your home feed and also liking/commenting to the photos of individuals who already follow you. Obtaining new followers is one thing. Keeping, and appreciating your existing followers is another. Make sure that you do both to see the very best results.

8. YOU’RE NOT PROVIDING VALUE, ENTERTAINMENT, OR EDUCATION

If you would like to cultivate an audience or maintain the one that you have today, happy, you need to address some kind of problem in their opinion. Are you currently trying to understand how to knit? -- offer them a few strategies or video tutorials. . Are you currently looking for a laugh or something funny that they could share with your own buddies? -- offer them up so far, well-made memes with comical complimentary captions. Fill a void for them and they're going to return again. Get stale plus they're going to unfollow.