#// the first time anyone has seen rosa triggered

[ihaveforgortoomany]

How far is the reach of the Foundation? How does its existence affect world governments? To what extent can the Foundation change past events? What if I say the Foundation regardless of their actions contribute to the continuation of Storms possibly?

Im excluding Zeno or Laplace specific bases.

(I am no expert on world governments so this is just speculation on how the Foundation is a global organisation that operates in multiple time periods)

Global friendly also.

We deffo know the Foundation is centralised in Europe with confirmed branches in the US, Australia, with one being constructed in India (correct below if Im missing something)

So far the central Foundation headquarters is specifically unknown but we can guess roughly in Central Europe or the UK, or at the very least the SPDM is likely UK based.

So far we do not know how old the Foundation itself is, knowing only that the Foundation had existed prior to the first Storm, and its been at the very least 8ish years since then. (Again clarify the dates with the Storms does mess with time).

It seems so far in this world of arcanists and humans, the Foundation are treated as adjacent to the government (seen in Vienna in Book 6 and in London in the Prologue), however it is unclear if branches existed before the Storm. What do I mean? In Vienna was the branch there actually established in 1910s or built after the first Storm? As we know not all branches provide Immunity to the Storm.

What is also interesting is the extent of changing past events (Im rambling so Imma ignore the whole grandfather and mother paradoxes for the sake of maintaining my sanity):

In Book One Sonetto and Vertin are tasked with preventing the massacre of the Rosa Killer, meant to save the lives of arcanists but ultimately fail due to Schneider and the last victim killing himself.

In Will of Gears, X's anecdote the TK team are tasked to protect a man who was intending to increase the price of medicine by an extreme amount, this also fails but in truth it failing kept the prices down.

For Book 6 we learn that field investigators are strictly prohibited from interfering with the era for fear of triggering the Storm.

So far the general consensus on accelerating the arrival of the Storm is through inciting chaos and mass panic, in 1929 meant crashing the stock markets early, and in 1914 so far meant FMN in Vienna contributing to the ongoing riots and manipulating Isolde. For this last one the Foundation attempted to prevent the mass assassinations by protecting officials but once again failing.

So far the fractions act like this:

Manus - accelerate critical points in history by necessarily adding fuel to the fire, etc 1929 Wall St Crash and 1914 starting WW1 early.

Foundation - attempt to delay the Storm, protecting certain individuals.

The previous Storms to the 1929 one were 'natural' until Manus began to directly speed up the process BUT what if the Foundation indirectly and unintentionally is also accelerating the process?

BP have alr presented the idea through Marcus telling Kakania about the Island, so what if the Foundation's actions and attempts to thwart the Manus' in speeding up the Storm has the same outcome?

If anything this would just add to the existential dread: the Storm will occur at certain critical points in history, any attempt to prevent or stop it then only serves to accelerate the process to happen much earlier.

Summary: I'm really just throwing ideas at a wall, but interested if anyone has anything to say about this.

[ideas-on-paper]

Antonia's dialogue about the Gold Coin Tree

Thanks to a post by @lopposting, I learned about Antonia supposedly having some extra dialogue about the portrait you find in the hideout of the Black Rabbit Brotherhood, provided you talk to her first after obtaining it. I was curious to see this for myself, and since I'm currently on my NG+ run, I used the opportunity to check.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get Antonia to share any bonus dialogue about the painting, so if it's there, I don't know how to trigger it. (If anyone does, please leave me a hint!) I did, however, coincidentally stumble upon some dialogue Antonia has about the Gold Coin Tree and the Alchemists that I was completely unaware of until now.

To get this dialogue, you need to unlock the Gold Coin Tree (take the lift in the Malum District Town Hall) and then go to Antonia and speak to her. (During my first playthrough, I made the mistake of picking up the portrait in the town hall and turning around as soon as I saw the lift, since I thought it would take me to an unknown area. As a result, I got the conversation where Antonia gives you the key to Rosa Isabelle Street first and ended up missing this one.)

Upon talking to her, you'll get the following dialogue:

Now, this dialogue is very interesting for a variety of reasons, especially since it might support certain lore theories I've seen around. I'll put the more detailed discussion under the cut, since it goes into spoiler territory.

[Spoilers ahead!]

So, the first thing we learn is that Antonia was aware that the tree was there all along - makes sense, considering she also knew about the hidden underground tunnels. In fact, I'd be more surprised if she didn't know it was there, since Antonia knows more about the hotel's secrets than anyone else.

More interestingly, Antonia mentions there was infighting among the Alchemists:

"The Krat Disaster caused the Alchemists to fight amongst themselves. Many people died or went missing. That's the real tragedy of the Rose Estate."

This dialogue has led to the theory that the mysterious Rose Estate incident was a coup instigated by Simon Manus to dispose of Valentinus as a leader, and having seen the full dialogue for the first time now, I feel inclined to agree. Also, I'm not sure, but since Antonia says the "Krat Disaster" is what caused the Alchemists' internal conflict, does that mean the Puppet Frenzy and Petrification Disease outbreak already occurred before the Rose Estate incident?

Regarding the Gold Coin Tree itself, Antonia says it reacts to Ergo somehow - I guess that's why P can pick fruits from it? (But if you need large amounts of Ergo to harvest the fruits, how was the Black Rabbit Brotherhood able to steal them? Then again, they do mention the Gold Coin Fruits aren't easy to get in their notebook…)

From both Antonia and Sophia's accounts, it's obvious that the Alchemists wanted to do something with the Gold Coin Fruits - the question is just exactly what. Perhaps it has something to do with the Saintess of Mercy Statue. The notebook of Alidoro (presuming it was written by the real one) mentions the tree being "used on humans". Could that mean that the fruits can be used with the statue to revive dead people somehow? (I wrote some stuff about that here, and how Giangio/Paracelsus might fit into this.)

Either way, I get the feeling there's more to the lore of the Saintess Statue...

[stelladess]

Since I had not seen anyone do a breakdown comparing Schwarz and Typhon I decided to do some math because I personally think that Typhon shares more the same roll (on skill 3) as Schwarz does as opposed to Rosa who is more crowd control then pure damage, obviously on skill 2 Typhon is more of a laneholder so Im not comparing that, im not including Pozy for the sake of my brain, might do a comparison later but from other people´s analysis I already know Pozy has higher damager then Schwarz except against very high defense enemies (with things like attack down and enemy defense buffs making Schwarz more and more valuable) The math coming here might not be fully accurate (decimals are a thing), but the point here is more to illustrate a rough estimate mostly for my own benefit and I do not think most people need to know exact numbers down to the last digit for general play or even most high difficulty play. This all assumes fully upgraded on both, max trust, M3, etc. and Schwarz module Y because it has higher damage then module X (which gives her some fast redeploy and support utility for snipers instead) Also as a reminder the physical damage formula basically means that enemy defense is a flat minus to the outgoing attack damage value, there are some good videos out there explaining the way you count damage in this game (the channel Yii has a two parter on it), this is not the most rigorous and double checked math session, I am merely doing some quick math for the sake of helping inform people (and for my own sake) about how good Typhon is at what she does. Also because I think its fun.

Schwarz atk 940+120=1060 1113 while attacking enemies in front (all of them on skill) (has 105% atk while attacking in a line in front) +1908 on skill 2968 atk on skill Does 170% damage on every hit while on skill (talent triggers 100% of the time on skill) 5046 damage per hit with a 25% def shred 2 second attack interval on skill DPS is 5046/2=2523 against a 0 defense enemy

Typhon atk 1045+110=1155 1155+90=1245 Ignores up to 60% defense atk upped to 2117 during first hit on skill on a target 5 hits for 175% damage each arrow rain 2178 damage per hit on the arrows except first hit which is 3704 on hit If all 5 hit that is either 10890 or 12416 against 0 defense enemy (each hit would get lowered by defense individually as they are separate hits) 2,4 second attack interval, 3,1 interval increase on skill for 5,5 interval DPS is 10890/5=5445 against 0 defense enemy after the first burst EDIT: This was incorrect here, its not divided by 5 it should be 10890/5,5=1980dps This actually impacts the end result as it means Typhon has LOWER DPS then Schwarz instead of higher, I still think that Typhon is overall the stronger unit for the reasons I put in later but it means Schwarz is even more still totally viable So done right, Typhon is better? While I do think she is overall better due to ease of use, ammo skill and can better deal with higher defense (60% ignore vs 25% shred) and more of her skills being worth mastering... There are certainly still advantages to Schwarz For one, each of Typhon´s individual hits get their damage lowered by defense, so the bigger ignore could be argued as mainly to make up for that (would need to more calculations to know who wins out against really high defense enemies as such). Also more importantly since her 5 hits will hit random enemies in the range large groups of enemies can absolutely wreck her damage, this is easily fixed by gamebreaker units like Texas the gangstar or Mlynar in most situations though, but it is worth keeping in mind. She also needs to hit multiple times before she gets her maximum ignore while Schwarz has it guaranteed on each hit. Furthermore Schwarz can ignore physical dodge and she gets her skill back faster (she has like 50% uptime on her skill potentially), wether that or the ammo skill is a more useful benefit will of course vary depending on the situation. I do think the dodge ignore will prove quite valuable in certain situations but it may be something people will often ignore because most enemies do not have any dodge. EDIT: Forgot to mention it but Schwarz doing def shred instead of ignore CAN in certain situations be a big benefit as other units benefit from it and not JUST herself

[hcrexcellency]

☼☾ ( jeanine mason, 30 , she/her , cis woman , de la rosa 5 ) - have you seen MARIA DE LA ROSA? we’ve heard through the grapevine that they’re DAUNTLESS but also TEMPESTUOUS. when you think of them , you think of A SHIP SAILING IN A SEA OF FOG, SMEARED PAINT ON CANVAS, HANDS COVERED IN GOLD RINGS.

Basics:

Name: Maria De La Rosa Title: Princess of Sicily Age: 30 Birthday: January 25th (Aquarius) Sexuality: Heterosexual Marital Status: Unbetrothed Positive Traits: Brave, tactical, creative, loyal, decisive Negative Traits: Violent, short-tempered, bold, cunning, vengeful. Hobbies: Painting, sailing, fishing, swimming Family: Felix De La Rosa (brother), Mechai De Medici (sibling-in-law).

The Story: (tw; starvation, )

It began with two villagers from another land, so poor but rich in the love they had for one another and for their baby girl. Sadly, the life of a peasant is not a very long one, and a terrible government left them to starve to death, leaving their daughter utterly alone. The plan was to deliver the girl off to an orphanage in England, but the ship was overrun by pirates. The poor girl washed up on the shores of Sicily, found by their rulers, and taken into their family. She had no memory of her previous life, no recollection of the raid. They named her "Maria", for she came from the sea and was given to them as a miraculous gift. Though rebellious in nature and defiant by desire, she was a difficult, yet devoted child. Having younger siblings, as she grew older, only made it easier for her to sprinkle her bad influence all over them, taking them out to bars, going out with sailors, and learning their pirate heritage from the pirates themselves. The more time she spent with the pirates, the more she heard stories of how oppressive and terrible the other countries in Europe were to those who had no choice but to steal for themselves. It motivated her, studying politics and seeking justice for the serf class. However, the one thing she could not shake was how she could do nothing from her little castle with no crown of her own. So, at the age of 25, she packed everything up and disappeared aboard a pirate ship. For nearly five years, Maria was a pirate captain of her own crew, even recruiting another defiant royal just like herself as her first mate. They stole from those who were more fortunate, gave to those who were less fortunate, and kept a sum of the prophet for their own selves. She even met another pirate, like herself, and fell madly in love. It was a seemingly perfect life until a battle against another crew resulted in her ship going down. Her lover sacrificed himself in the name of the code: "Anyone who falls behind is left behind". The broken ship and sky of fire began to trigger memories of a similar experience, but she still does not understand what it means. Wishing to live between the world of royals and the world of thieves, she returned home to her parents, to her family. She did not beg on her knees, but simply asked for a chance to prove herself. Maria was permitted to come with them to France, so long as she set up a decent betrothal for herself; find the next King of Sicily. And so she shall. Maria has to come to grips with who she really is, a princess destined to be queen, and find a way to become the kind of queen who can make a real difference. She's eager to learn, but also eager to use this newfound information against anyone she needs to in the future. She will get her justice for the thieves and beggars if it is the last thing she does. But will she ever find out where she truly came from? Will that knowledge change her desire to sit on a throne?

TLDR: She is the child of peasants. They died b/c the government SUCKS. She was supposed to be shipped off to an orphanage, but a pirate raid changed things. She was washed up on shore with no memory of the raid and the Sicilian rulers adopted her. She loves her family but also has a fierce sense of justice, which is what took her away from home for 5 years. She met a bestie and a lover and lost the lover in another pirate raid, which started to trigger her memories. Maria came home, but she has to get engaged in France to make up for it.

Similar Characters: Imelda Rivera (Coco), Emma Swan (Once Upon a Time), Angelica (Pirates of the Carribbean), Anastasia (Anastasia), Esmeralda (The Hunchback of Notre Dame), Ember Lumen (Elemental).

Established Connections:

The De La Rosa Family. The Pirates-Turned-Royals are the toughest of the other royals families that reside in Versailles, though they tend to come off the most awkward at most royal functions. Maria loves her siblings very dearly, but wishes their lives amounted to more than a "the spare". She hopes to teach them to care enough about the rest of the world to want to do something about it.

WC'S

FIRST MATE. They met on one of Maria's voyages when she first disappeared from Sicily. She was a royal, just like her, and they both shared a heart for the working class... and for their own riches. They were excellent at scheming against the rich (think like Miguel and Tulio and Maria is more like Tulio LOL). Now that they're both here in France, her first mate intends to make a royal splash.

BETROTHED. Maria needs to find the next King of Sicily and that's pretty much how she sees it. She wants someone who will be fair to their people, but won't stand in her way when she has plans she wants to execute.

MENTORS. Maria is here to learn and to gain as much wisdom as she can from these other monarchs before she is to ascend to her own throne one day, but she has every intention of using their tactics against them to seek the justice and peace that she desires. She is not afraid of war if that's what it takes.

[dicmondskies]

☆ & * .   ♡   i n t r o d u c t i o n  . . .

[          ◟  KAY. ◝           ]     ⸻     have  you  ever  heard  the way i see things by  lil peep ,  well  it  is  ROSALINA GARCIA  to  a  tee  .  the  twenty five year  old  astrologer and influencer has  been  spotted  wandering  down  portobello  road  markets  just  last  sunday  ,  do  you  know  them  ?  would  you  say they are  more enigmatic  or  more  innovative  ?  anyway  ,  they  remind  me  of  a fresh coat of black nail polish, crisp winter air , halloween decorations year round, rebellious youth maybe  you'll  catch  them  around  yeah ?     ⸻     [          ◟  LIZETH SELENE. ◝           ]    

trigger warning: death, losing a parent, child abuse, abuse

from a young age, anyone who knew rosalina garcia, knew she was destined to be a star. their personality shone bright from as early as five. the little tike running around in her ballet costumes, putting on concerts for her brothers and sisters and tias. her mexican roots were strong and she loved to sing her abuela’s favorite mariachi songs, putting her own twist on them and making her cry from living room performances time after time. life was good at first, her mother was young, vibrant, and beautiful. she taught rosa all she knew about being herself, about being kind, and most importantly how to love others through their ugliness. her father was good, or so she thought. sure, he worked a lot, but, she loved him, she was a daddy’s girl through and through. her father wasn’t the father of her eldest sister, and growing up, she witnessed him mistreat her a lot. this confused young rosalina. she couldn’t understand how the father she loved could be so cruel to her older sister. rosalina’s mom was often caught in the middle. she did her best to hide his abusive nature, but as rosalina got older, she witnessed more and more of who her father truly was.

it wasn’t always bad, sometimes he was normal, but most of the time, the house was chaotic, her mother was miserable and her light started to dim slowly over time. rosalina’s older sister was going through her own struggles and rosalina would often end the day in bed, crying and writing music as a way to release. she kept a journal to document her feelings, it was the only safe place she had. when rosalina was only eleven, the worst occurred. her mother had continued to decline, and soon she was so stressed that she started experiencing seizures, though the doctors could never pinpoint exactly what was causing them. rosalina quickly grew worried about her mother and sometimes her older sister would have to come and meet them in the middle of parking lots because suddenly her mother started feeling sick and couldn’t drive them home. it was all so traumatic for rosalina and on halloween night that year, her mother passed away, alone at home while her father was out having an affair with another woman he’d met through work friends. rosalina had seen her father texting this woman one time when he picked her up from dance class, she questioned him on who it was and he lied right to her face, she kept it to herself and never said anything about it again.

the night rosalina’s mother died was the night a piece of rosalina’s childhood died. she was eleven, but her life was about to get even more tragic. her older sister wasn’t allowed to stay with them anymore, her father was taking his grieving out on everyone and eventually he started to control and montor rosalina’s ever move. the freedom she once had when her mother was alive, was no longer allowed. she had to quit dance, she got her phone taken one time for two years, he moved them to the other side of the city so it would be hard for other family members of her mothers to visit and see the kind of mental abuse he was putting her through. then the verbal abuse started, the belittling, the whore comments if she wore anything that was remotely showing skin, and then the physical abuse when she he went through her phone and found out she had a girlfriend. she wasn’t allowed to date boys either. she wasn’t allowed to be a kid, she had to stay home and do chores or risk being punished for not doing them. for a while she kept it all inside, she didn’t want to get her dad in trouble but when she was sixteen, the abuse became way too much. she finally told her older sister who lived on her own now, and she immediately went through the courts and got custody of rosalina. this was a rebirth for rosa. they could finally breathe again. they could enjoy life, they could have the space to figure out who the hell they were.

rosalina’s girlfriend has stuck with her through all of this and is her rock and number one supporter. rosalina still lives with her older sister and the two have never been closer. rosa is exploring her twenties and discovering self love again. she still struggles with ptsd and sometimes has nightmares. through her trauma she discovered astrology and started studying it intensely day and night. now, she’s been studying astrology for five years and it’s taught her so much about herself and people. she’s a famous astrology tik toker and has a patreon where people can pay monthly to access her monthly collective readings. she also does personal astrology readings at pluto’s shop aries apothecary. she makes cute little astrology videos on youtube and offers classes as well. ask her about the planets and she’ll love you forever.

[fidelisfatum]

MM is just here to squish Rosalina's cheeks out of the blue.

     Rosalina is just as quick to smack the hands away with a deathly glare to follow, all that pep and silly mannerisms were completely out the window now. Just briefly one could see into the depths of her glaring fuchsia eyes, as if this person had touched a nerve that traveled to the depths of her scarred soul and heart, as if she’d violated some unspoken rule -- and she had. “ Listen here, c l o s e l y ... I’m not sure who exactly you are and why you think its cute to touch me.. but I’m more than certain I did not give you permission to do that. What’s the saying? ‘Look but don’t touch’? Do it again and I might not be so sweet and give you a warning... I’ll just 

                             c̴̢̡͖̜͙̖͐̿̀̎́̔̓̑̀̍̇͜͠H̵̛̦͓͎̤͈̗̲̝͌̆́͑̐̽̀̕̕̚͝͝Ơ̴̱͎͇͉̟̫̋́̽̌̚p̶̫͚̤̀͂͋͐̌̃ ̸̨̤͔̜̱̽Y̸̛̛͍̓̓̏̍̈́́̒̉ǫ̵̨̜̼̺̹̅́̌̓͐͒͊̆̐̕̕ͅ��̡͓͇̤̮U̴͙͍̦̗̟̪̭̯̔̋͆̋͑̓̿̏͠R̶̡̟̝͔̥̦̠͙͚̞̙̓̄͝ ̵̡̨͎͓͍͖̩̞̲́̐f̴̡͕̹͚̭̀̍̌́̿́̍͋̚Ư̵͙̺͙͓̹̖̼̌̍̈́̀́̅̔̒̄C̷̡̢̨̟͉̘̠̫̮̞̯̉k̵̩̭̬͒̉̎̾̏̃͂̂I̵̛̦̰̲͙̼̖͂͊̀̀̆͗͂͗̃̈́̕͜ͅͅn̷̡̰̣͉̤̭̼̆G̶̫̈́̑̽̔͌͆̓̉͆͜ ̸̧̢̼̐̅͊̽̆͜ͅH̵̗̠̟͉̐̈́́̔́͝Ą̷̢̲̼̬͖͉͈̟̯̻̻͆̑̓̄̿̕N̸͎̺͉̏͒̈́̎̉̚d̸̢͚̰͍͚͆̌̊̈́̆̋̓̎̅̍͠ ̸̧͙̥͖̝͖͇̎̃̎͛̃̈́̕̕͜͝͝Ớ̵̼̰͎̺͎̜̬́́̉͒̀́̍̚͘͘ͅf̷̟̜̻͖͙̪̥͙̠̙̪̳̘͂̇̀͋̓F̶̨̳̠̰̜̪͖͓̻̍͛̿̊͌̅͋̈́̊̀̕̚͜

     Giggling she adjusts her cleavage, “ .. you understand, don’t you~? ”

[watchmegetobsessed]

VALERIE - Part VI. (Harry Styles)

part 6 omg!!! ahh, these christmas chapters are my favs, i hope yall will like them asmuch as i do! as always, feedback is much appreciated!

word count: 4.1k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

“So how did you two exactly meet?” your dad asks over the dinner table. You are all sitting around the long pine table, the tremendous amount of food lining in the middle as the plates are going around, getting filled.

“Oh, um, we were set up, actually. It was all Rosa,” you admit with a soft chuckle, sharing a look with Marcus beside you. 

“I just thought they would be a good match, guess I was right,” Rosa grins, clearly satisfied with the work she’s done.

“What do you do for a living, Marcus?” Jeremy chimes in while helping Margaret cut her meat beside him. She is the youngest of the cousins, only five, but she can boss around anyone as if she was Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. 

“Oh, I work in sales. We had a project with Steven’s company, that’s where we met.”

“That sounds interesting,” Joe nods, but at the same time you hear Harry huff on the other end of the table. Looking in his way you see him with his eyes fixed on the plate. He hasn’t said a word since Marcus arrived and his silence is quite worrying if you’re being honest. You haven’t seen him be silent for this long ever, you’re afraid he might be plotting something. 

“It’s so weird that all four of us are here with a significant other this year. I remember when we were all just kids, running around in our backyard,” Etta sighs with a nostalgic smile.

Your eyes wander over to Harry, who is still relentlessly staring down at his plate, as if he wasn’t even there. 

“Yeah, now there are just two single people sitting at the table. Aunt Monica and Harry,” you say and his head finally snaps up, eyes meeting yours, but you can’t read them. 

“You’re single?” Lily asks Harry, leaning forward a little so she can see him since they are sitting on the same side of the table. 

“I, uhh--I am, yeah,” he nods, clearly uncomfortable he is being discussed all of a sudden.

“Would have sworn you have someone waiting for you at home.”

“No, it’s just me,” he shakes his head. “Maybe I could pair up with Aunt Monica so there wouldn’t be any single people,” he jokes, making everyone laugh at the table. Aunt Monica looks up from her plate and winks at Harry.

“I’ll leave my door open for the night,” she cheekily comments and Harry almost chokes on his wine as another round of laugh runs over the table.

“Monica, he is not a lonely soldier,” your mom tells her, but she just shrugs her shoulders grabbing her glass and downing the rest of her wine. Joe is quick to refill it for her, knowing well she was about to ask someone to do that for her. 

“Thanks for the offer though,” Harry nods shyly and you think it’s hilarious how his cheeks have turned red from a nasty comment your aunt made. 

His eyes find you again right when Marcus reaches over and squeezes your thigh gently under the table and you catch Harry’s grimace before you turn to your boyfriend and share a short peck on the lips. 

For your biggest surprise Harry doesn’t try to drop any nasty comments about you during dinner, not even after, when all adults gather in the living room while the kids leave to play video games in their room. Rosa is sitting on Harry’s thigh as he is supporting her back, letting her curiously look around in the room. You’re sitting on a loveseat with Marcus, curled up to his side and he has an arm around your shoulders. Occasionally you catch Harry’s eyes on the two of you, but you try to pay little attention to him and just enjoy the evening.

“I should get going soon,” Marcus tells you, checking the time. It’s past ten and he has to leave early in the morning.

“Why don’t you stay for the night?” Teresa asks when she sees the two of you getting up from the sofa.

“Oh, I didn’t want to bother too long, it’s my first time meeting you all, thought a dinner would be just enough,” Marcus chuckles and you bite into your bottom lip. Does he believe this or did he want to stay, but only tells this everyone because you didn’t invite him to stay the night? You’re not sure if you want to know the real answer...

“Silly, you don’t bother,” you mom huffs. “Isn’t it too late to drive home?”

“I’m fine, but thank you. I didn’t bring my stuff so I would have to leave extra early in the morning to make it in time. But thank you for having me, it was wonderful meeting you all.”

Marcus goes around and says his goodbye to everyone before the two of you head to the front door. 

“Drive safe, text me when you get home, alright?” you tell him as he throws his coat to the passenger seat before turning to face you. 

“Yeah. Have fun with your family and I’ll see you in a few days.” A genuine smile stretches across his face and it immediately triggers your guilt. He could have stayed the night avoiding to drive back to the city so late, but even now, standing out on the driveway you don’t feel like you want him to stay for longer. 

What you keep telling yourself is that it’s all because you haven’t been together that long and it would have been a too big of a step just yet. Seemingly Marcus is fine with your choice, but something is telling you that it bugs him deep inside. 

Leaning down he kisses you softly, a hand sliding to your waist and pulling you closer before you part your ways. Standing on the side you wave at him as he backs out of the driveway and disappears in the darkness of the woods. 

You stay out there for a little longer, the spicy coldness of the night feels numbing in a soothing way. Chewing on your bottom lip you contemplate if you’ve made the right choice by not inviting him to stay. You don’t find an answer for that before you head back inside.

Not much has changed since you left, but you notice that Valerie is back in Rosa’s hands and Harry is nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s Harry?” you ask sitting on the ground next to your sister, eyes on Valerie as she is adorably babbling at you.

“He said he’s tired, went to bed.”

You look in his room’s way. That sounded like absolute bullshit, but you don’t have a right to question it. Maybe he truly was tired, he probably had to wake up quite early to pick you up and be here in time.

Nodding you reach for Valerie and take the little girl into your arms, making yourself busy with her.

***

Tossing once again in the bed you growl in annoyance. You haven’t gotten an ounce of sleep since you’ve come to bed hours ago. Turning to your side you tap on the screen of your phone and it shows you that it’s already past two in the morning. No position feels comfortable anymore and you’ve flipped your pillow way too many times, there are no cold side anymore. 

On cue, your stomach growls and you let out a sigh staring up at the ceiling. Maybe if you had a late night snack your body would finally relax and let you rest. Kicking the covers off you put on a pair of fuzzy socks and throw a hoodie on before heading out to the kitchen to find something you could feast on. 

You stop in your way surprised when you see that the lights are on in the kitchen and someone is clearly out there, probably with the same intention as you. Walking down the hallway you hear a plate getting placed on the kitchen island and soon enough the person starts eating, the fork meeting the plate.

Harry is sitting at the kitchen island in a plain white t-shirt and checkered pajama pants, a plate of mashed potatoes and meatloaf sitting in front of him. His head snaps up immediately when he hears that someone has joined him and you stop at the door.

“Hey,” you smile softly. “I see I’m not the only one having trouble with sleeping,” you chuckle shuffling your way to the fridge. 

“I don’t sleep too well at new places,” he admits, eyes following your frame as you pass by him before he turns his attention back to his plate. 

Grabbing the milk you are about to close the fridge when your eyes lay on the absurd amount of eggnog. Hesitantly you grab a bottle and take it out as well, thinking that a few sips might help you fall asleep easier. Then you grab the cookies the kids decorated this afternoon and sit on a stool next to Harry.

“Woah, in need of having some fun?” he chuckles seeing the eggnog and you just shrug your shoulders, pouring milk into a regular glass, then some eggnog into a smaller one in hopes you won’t go overboard with it. 

“I’m just… having a hard time falling asleep.”

“Empty bed?”

“What?” you ask taking a bite from a cookie.

“I mean, Marcus left. You must be used to sleeping next to him,” Harry explains and you look back at him with furrowed eyebrows. 

“Well, I do sleep better with someone next to me, but it’s not like I’ve done that a lot with Marcus,” you admit, turning your attention back to the cookies.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” you shrug, not really in the mood to get into it, because it’s a whole spiral that would bring you down into depths you definitely don’t want to talk about right now. 

“You haven’t slept with Marcus?” he asks, and you notice how it could mean two versions. Either he is only talking about just sleeping or he is nosily trying to find out if you’ve had sex with him.

“That is… none of your business,” you tell him with a soft chuckle. Harry holds his hands up innocently before returning to his plate. 

A few minutes pass by in silence, just your munching and Harry’s chewing breaking it. As you pour a little more eggnog to yourself Harry stands up from the stool upon finishing his food, and after putting his plate to the sink he gets a glass for himself and sits back, holding the glass in your way.

“Want to have some fun too?” you ask, but pour him some eggnog anyway.

“Might help me fall asleep too.”

“Sometimes I feel like mom is right saying that I have a drinking problem,” you snort finishing up your cookie.

“Don’t think that’s true,” Harry tells you with furrowed eyebrows. 

“Well, you have seen me drunk quite a few times, but it’s nice that you think it’s alright.”

“What’s wrong with having a few drinks occasionally? It’s not like you blackout every other day.”

“My mom would want me to never blackout in general, but I don’t seem to know my boundaries with alcohol,” you tell him with a sigh.

“Happens to everyone, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“Thanks, but I’m sitting here at two in the morning, drinking eggnog for no specific reason, because it surely won’t help me sleep, so... Maybe there is some truth to it.”

Harry thinks to himself a little before pouring some more to himself and some into your glass as well.

“I literally just said that I should stop,” you say, giving him a puzzled look.

“It’s fine if you have a reason,” he answers with a cheeky smile. “We’re gonna play never have I ever.”

“Oh hell no!” you chuckle looking at him with wide eyes.

“What? Are you afraid I might find out something nasty about you?” he challenges you, clearly trying to push you to play. “I don’t think you can surprise me with anything.”

“Excuse me? That’s pretty hurtful you think I don’t have surprising secrets,” you say putting a hand to your chest. “I think I’m the one who can’t find out anything surprising about you.”

“Hah, we’ll see, Y/N. All you gotta do is play,” he smirks and you already know you’re fucked. Sighing you take your glass and look at him with a murderous look, but the corners of your mouth are curling up. “You can start, just so you see how generous I am.”

“Oh, what a gentleman,” you mock him. “Okay. Never have I ever… gotten into a physical fight,” you say and watch Harry raise his glass to his mouth, but at the same time you do the same, already sure he is gonna be shocked.

Just as you expected, he freezes seeing you take a sip from your eggnog.

“Alright, rule is that we gotta explain them, because there’s no way you’re leaving without telling me about who you got into a fight with,” he tells you pointing a finger at you, but then adds: “Fighting with your sister does not count, Y/N.”

“It wasn’t Rosa,” you chuckle. “I had a huge fight with my best friend in third grade and we somehow ended up kicking and punching each other in the middle of the gym in class. We were both sent to the principal’s office.”

“Who would have thought you were a feisty little kid!” Harry chuckles and you just shrug with a proud smile.

“See? I told you I can surprise you. Your turn.”

“Okay. Never have I ever had a threesome,” he easily says and brings his glass up to his mouth as you stay put this time.

“If you think I’m surprised, I’m not. It’s literally written on your forehead that you’re the kind who enjoys that kind of stuff,” you scoff.

“Oh, please. Don’t pretend like you haven’t even thought about having one.”

“I’m not admitting anything outside the game. You have to ask that next if you are that interested,” you smirk, but you’re certain your eyes give you away, because Harry is chuckling and shaking his head. “Never have I ever cheated on someone,” you say and watch Harry’s glass stay on the counter.

“I’m not that bad of a person.”

“Never said you are, I was just curious,” you shrug and nod at him letting him know it’s his turn again.

“Never have I ever had a crush on a teacher of mine.”

You both drink.

“My finance professor, junior year in college,” you inform him.

“English teacher, senior year in high school,” Harry replies and you are already picturing him sitting in the first row just to be close to her during class.

“Did you write poems to her too?”

“You said no questions outside the game!” he retorts laughing and you roll your eyes at him.

“Alright, I have thought about having a threesome before, now your turn, spill the tea!”

“I wrote a song about her,” he admits and you raise your eyebrows at him. “Even planned on showing it to her, but my friends talked me down, luckily.”

“It’s kinda sweet and romantic.”

“Yeah, and very inappropriate,” he adds chuckling. “Alright, enough of Miss Hastings, your turn.”

“Never have I ever stolen something.” You both raise your glass and you smile at him swallowing the alcohol. “Virginities do not count,” you tease him, earning a laugh.

“Still would have drank. I was a little kleptomaniac when I was a kid. Liked to steal small things in the store just to see if I would get caught.”

“And were you ever?”

“One time, yeah. My mom was so mad at me, I got grounded for a week, never stole anything again,” he admits chuckling. “What about you?”

“It wasn’t regular, but I definitely have stolen candies when I didn’t have enough money to pay.”

“What a rebel,” he teases you and you just smack his upper arm jokingly. “Never have I ever snuck out.” Only Harry drinks and you roll your eyes at him.

“Again, not surprising.”

“I just wanted to know if you have ever snuck out, chill,” he smirks. “Guess you were a saint.”

“Never have I ever said the wrong person’s name while having sex.” A devilish smile sits on your lips as you watch him drink while you do the same. You see his eyebrows rise over the glass.

“Nasty,” he huffs. “When did that happen?”

“First year of college. I was casually seeing a guy, but I wasn’t really over my last ex from high school and accidentally called him Ethan.”

“And what was his real name?”

“I don’t even remember,” you admit with a laugh, clearly feeling the alcohol slowly kicking in. Harry’s mouth hangs open before his expressions turn into that iconic ‘not bad’ face.

“Never have I ever had a wet dream about a friend of mine,” Harry asks and you feel your cheeks heating up right away, eyes snapping down at your glass. Unwillingly, but you drink as Harry does the same. “Who was it?”

“I’m not answering this one,” you shake your head. 

“Come on! I promise it’ll stay between us. Was it Steven?” he grins at you, clearly enjoying your embarrassment. “I bet it was Steven.”

“Shut up, it wasn’t!” you snap at him rolling your eyes.

“Okay, then who? I won’t sleep tonight if you don’t tell me!” he begs, but you shake your head stubbornly. “Do I know him?” Oh, all too well, you think to yourself. “Is it someone who was there at the bar last time?”

“Can we move past it?” you sigh painfully.

“No, no way. I’m not leaving you alone until you tell me!”

“It was you.”

The words slip out fast and a little quiet, but he hears them clear. His lips part, a truly stunned look pulls on his face and you just wish you didn’t say a word.

“Happy? Now you know,” you snap running a hand through your hair.

“Was I any good in your dream?” he then cheekily asks and you gasp at the nosy, nasty question.

“Now that I won’t answer.”

“I have to know if I did good!” he protests and you laugh.

“It wasn’t even you, well, not your real version, why does it matter?”

“I’m a maximalist, I have to know if my dream self did good,” he pushes further and you can’t believe this is really what you’re talking about.

“Jesus fucking Christ, it was good!” you admit throwing your hands into the air, giving up to keep anything to yourself. He is just too damn annoying and stubborn to ever have anything other than his way.

“If that makes you feel better, I’ve had a few about you as well,” he admits with a straight face and the heat is back in your cheeks immediately.

“A few?”

“I didn’t count, but yeah. And you were awesome, if you’re interested.”

“Thanks, but I was not,” you say with a meaningful look, but he just smirks at you. “You’re such a pig, Styles.”

“Says the girl who was probably moaning my name in her dreams.”

“If you keep talking about this, you’ll be the second person I get into a physical fight with,” you warn him and he chuckles, but takes the hint and finally moves on. 

You easily forget about time as you keep playing for quite long. Question after question, some shocking and surprising things come up, but there are some absolutely ridiculous facts too. You’re definitely over the line of being tipsy, but you’re not at the drunk state yet. 

Harry clearly enjoys asking questions that make you nervous, but you don’t shy away from risky questions either. By the time the bottle empties out you are both laughing on something he said, your eyes are teary and you gasp for air, holding onto the edge of the kitchen island.

“Oh fuck!” you breathe out when your gaze wanders over to the windows and you see that it’s starting to brighten out there. “The Sun is coming up, what time is it?” you slur, having a hard time to get off the stool and keep your balance at the same time. Harry fishes his phone out of his pocket and his eyes widen.

“It’s six in the morning!” he whisper-yells and you almost faint.

“Shit, mom is usually up around six thirty, she can’t find us here like this! Quickly, we have to clean up!”

Harry takes care of the empty eggnog bottle while you wash the dishes and then the two of you head back to your rooms, but you just really don’t want to go to bed alone. Alcohol tends to make you clingy and you need the presence of someone next to you.

“Harry,” you whisper as the two of you stop in the hallway.

“Hm?” he hums, looking back at you with glassy eyes.

“Can I… sleep at yours?” you shyly ask.

Part of you expects a smart comeback, something dirty, but he looks down at you for a long moment as if he is debating what he should say and you start to think he is about to reject you, but then he takes your hand and pulls you in the direction of his room.

“It’s strictly friendly, okay?” you tell him once the two of you are in his room and the door is closed behind you.

“Like the dream you had about me?” he cockily asks grinning at you and you’re quick to smack his hard chest, making him chuckle.

“Shut up! I just really don’t want to sleep alone.”

“Chill, it’s all good,” he chuckles and stepping to the nightstand he plugs his phone in to charge as you crawl up to the huge, comfortable bed.

Tugging a pillow under your head you turn your back against him, only hearing as he lies down next to you, tugging some of the cover off you since there’s only a big one. He shuffles a bit more until you both stop moving, but you still have your eyes open. 

Knowing that he is right there behind you irks your mind and the urge to cuddle to his side is stronger than you will to stay still. You want to feel his body heat, his touch, hear his heartbeat under your face as you curl up to his side. You are dying to listen to his steady breathing from up close and your self-control is slowly but surely dissolves. 

Before your rational side could talk you down, you find yourself turning around and snuggling to his side, a soft chuckle emitting from his lips.

“It’s totally friendly, wipe the satisfied grin off your stupid face,” you mumble as you lay your head to his shoulder, bringing a hand up to his chest. One of his arms curl around your shoulders as he stays silent, letting you snuggle up to him all you want. 

It’s even better than you remembered. Last time the two of you were like this, the morning ruined everything and it had a whole different antecedent than now. You can only hope history doesn’t repeat itself and you don’t have to go through the same embarrassment like last time.

“Y/N?” he whispers and your eyes open at his voice.

“Yeah?” There’s a short pause before he speaks up again.

“Do you really… think that… there was not much Etta was missing?”

You can’t stop yourself from smiling at how self-conscious he just sounded, still thinking about the joke you made in the car on your way here. For a split second you think about lying again, but it’s clearly been bothering him, so much he felt the need to ask after several rounds of eggnog.

“No. I was just joking,” you admit and he lets out a relieved sigh. “Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you really think I have a fat ass?” you ask referring back to the time the two of you encountered at the hospital when Valerie was born. You feel him huff as his hand on your shoulder squeezes you gently.

“You have a great ass, Y/N. The best I’ve ever seen.”

“Are you just exaggerating?” you ask, lifting your head up and narrowing your eyes at him in the dark.

“No,” he smiles. “Swear to my sister’s life it’s the truth.”

Knowing well he wouldn’t bring his sister into it if he wasn’t telling the truth, you put back down your head, finally closing your eyes.

“Good night, Harry,” you mumble, feeling yourself drifting to sleep.

“Good night, Pretty Eyes.”

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TAGLIST

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[meenah-chan]

Safe haven

a Diavolo x GN! MC fanfic

2.36k words

Genre: Angst

Trigger warning: Insane deadly stunt but not suicide, please don't read if you have this triggers. And please don't try this at home... or anywhere

Part 2 (Safe Haven ~Another Story~) | Part 3 (Safe Haven ~Epilogue~)

Masterlist

It is their sanctuary. A place that has everything they could wish for...

if only, fate isn't fickle...

"If I jump, will you save me again?"

"What a wretched soul I have..."

It’s been an hour since they were staring far in the horizon. Dusk is on its way, with the lake gulping the sun whole to bring forth darkness in the grassy land they’re on. That place is secluded, surrounded with trees serving as its walls. As if it were cradling them away from everything.

It's not their first-time watching day turn to night on where they are. They’ve known that spot enough to vividly paint the place on a whim.

It was neither a simple place as it seems. That place is a part of the human realm, untouched by anyone but two persons— them and Diavolo. A place which witnessed how the said Prince dropped on his knees and confessed he likes them. The place they admit they felt the same.

The place where they held hands in their secret rendezvous; times where the Future king would go to whenever he ran away from his endless responsibilities for a day and spend it with them, with words of affections and adorations for each other. It is their safe haven.

The Forget-me-not flowers they planted are blooming around them. As the two sat beneath the shade of the tree, appreciating the presence of the flowers and each other.

Diavolo has a habit of caressing their cheeks, brushing strands of their locks past their ears, as he embraces them as if they were the most precious treasure, he has ever held. Those smiles he would beam; brighter than the sol they always see. "You're the most beautiful being I have ever seen." And they would smile back, with their feelings overflowing so much they would always pour it back to him with a kiss.

But being always in that place doesn't mean they never left it. There are times they would give him a heart attack by literally jumping off the edge of the cliff. The demon prince then would follow them in a snap, before transforming right before their eyes and seizing them.

They knew it was a foolish thing to do. No sane person would ever carry out such dumb, dangerous stunt. They do have a magic or two under their sleeves should Diavolo fail the task. Spells they would feverishly study and tirelessly practice for the sake of the success of the Exchange Student program; for the sake of making Diavolo proud of them. So, they studied hard, yet fools only around their beloved.

So, they kept on flying off to the danger at every given chance. For the feeling during the times they would fall, they had the best view they could ever see in their lifetime. How the demon they ever loved could be so... breathtaking. Turning into his demon form—metamorphosing like a dazzling butterfly, his red locks fluttering in the wind, with such golden ornaments, such golden eyes reflecting the radiance of the sun. And most of all, such playful, thrilled smiles they would willingly lay their life just to see. He seems like the mesmerizing golden red dusk. He may be a demon, but Diavolo is much more divine than the angels in their eyes.

And to think that such an ambrosial prince would hold them in his firm arms, and bury them in his well-toned chest before gliding up in the air. They really love the feeling. Akin to the flowers they cultivate symbolizes, he is their true love.

"Should we land back on the top of the land?"

"Just a little bit longer." Humming, they would place a peck onto the tip of his horn or temple whenever they would request something so badly, which then would receive a chuckle from the Demon. "Hahaha, what a pampered human... Alright, just a little bit longer." And who knows how long they stay in the air. Then they would share small talks back on the cliff, and soon be bombarded with tons of messages and missed calls from the butler and the right-hand man. They would head back home after that, before the said aides decide to search for them and find their secret haven.

It was all they could ever wish for. An everlasting love to carry inside their mortal heart.

They have everything they could ask for, until that day comes. A moonless, rainy night during the celebration of Diavolo's birth.

"I'm glad to finally meet you, the Future King of Devildom." …the day she came. Rosa, a rather respected princess, and the daughter of Queen Rose.

"...N-No, the pleasure is mine." Whether he was flustered by her sudden appearance or not, something was rather amiss. His gaze towards her was different than anything they've ever seen him make. So different yet... familiar. Like the way his eyes sparked of reverie the day they first met, except it was more profound.

Diavolo sighed, "I'm telling you, you don't have to worry. You know you're the one I love." It was nothing, he said. It was only in their imagination, he said. Even so, the connection between the two they perceived every time the two met on business, felt so real.

They were so anxious, so angry they wanted to explode. They want to blame it all on that demon princess who appeared out of nowhere, and brought everything to a big mess! They wanted to lash at her, right from the deepest pit of their stomach!

...Yet, they didn't.

They simply can't. Not when she was like an angel who descended in the land of darkness.

So pure yet so wise, so diligent and well-versed. She is strong-willed and rather capable in every aspect. She doesn't deserve to be blamed for something she didn't mean to do. It was merely a work of two hearts naturally falling for each other. It was inevitable.

Instead of brooding without doing anything, they will fight. They will fight for what's theirs. For what's right. For the specks of affection left inside Diavolo. For their love, they won't give up.

Or so they thought...

"Y/N, would you mind having tea with me later?" Barbatos asked for their attendance.

But unlike the usual afternoon tea they always share with the butler, "Where's Diavolo?" ... the prince is not around.

"The Young master has prior engagement and brought Lucifer in my stead. My apologies if it was not to your liking."

"Ahh, no. I didn't mean it like that. It's just that... having snacks with only you are unusual." It's not unusual. Rather, it never occurred even once. Diavolo tends to postpone the teatime for another time whenever he can't go, as Barbatos always join his absence.

"Actually, I asked you today about an important matter to discuss."

"...Is it related to Diavolo and me, isn't it?" They shouldn't have asked him. They hated themself for asking Diavolo's attendant.

"Yes. To be precise, it is about your relationship and the lady you met during Young master's birthday. I believe you have the right to know this." They held their breath. "I hate to break it to you but the lady you met back then, is the Young Master's... fiancée and his soulmate." The words that came off Barbatos' lips felt like cold water dumped on them.

They just want to end the conversation right there and leave the garden as fast as they can, but they forcefully pull themself together and learn the whole truth, as painful as it is for them. "...Fiancee, you said? And what do you mean by soulmate?"

"For every heir of the throne, there is a prophecy foretelling the righteous betrothed one fated for them. This Oracle has never once failed in predicting who..." Barbatos paused, evaluating whether they could take any more. "...would help the Ruler in bringing prosperity in the Devildom."

After a minute of silence, they spoke. "Does Diavolo know all about this? About her?"

"Yes... but I swear in my name, he has always wanted to be free of the prophecy and achieve prosperity through his own power."

"Where is he headed to at the moment?"

"..." Barbatos' silence tells them everything. He is with her. That's all that they needed to know.

"I... see... Thank you for telling me this."

"I— no, I don't deserve such words from you." They shook their head, "You still disclosed this even when Diavolo wanted to keep it a secret from me. I'm sorry I brought trouble to you."

"It was my own choice. I'm just doing what I think is right."

"Thank you, really..."

They left the castle, thinking a lot of things but also finally enlightened.

They never had Diavolo's heart from the start.

He is the future of the Devildom, the future of all the demons who could easily outlive them. And for that he needs an Empress who can fully support him and bear another long-lived heir. His soulmate, his forever, his other half. Everything that they could never be.

Their life is short. His' is not. He could never fathom the extent of his life like they could. That is also the reason why they could love him until the day they cease to exist, a mere blink to him.

As obvious as the glaring sun that blinds them atop that cliff, his love... is gone.

They could see it in his eyes. Every day he spends with them, his mind is somewhere else.

Even in their favorite place, his embraces were still as cold as the mountain's peak. His smile is too forced, like a one man playing before their eyes. His kisses were prickling and painful. And his gaze... He is suffering.

Like they were.

"Forgive me." It was for the Devildom, he said. His head hangs low, wearing that distressed expression.

"Hey, lift your head? The future king shouldn't bow to anyone." They smiled, cupping his cheeks to raise his face.

"Look, I understand." It was a surprise they didn't shed a drop of tear, as they pat his head gently. "Follow your heart. You'll become a great king."

He made a wise decision, to choose his bond that suddenly came that day. Someone who really owns Diavolo's heart per destiny's decree. The heart they thought he offered back then, with the trees, and the cool breeze, and the swaying leaves, and the sunset as their witnesses. The heart they thought were already theirs. The heart that slipped from their fingers as he let go of their hand when Diavolo locked eyes with his fated one.

Diavolo's love is fleeting. Or maybe it was never love from the start, but a mere curiosity on his end. A misconception, but it doesn't matter anymore. They already knew the answer.

He already achieved his true love, holding his Empress in white. He wears that smile, much, much brighter than anything they have ever seen.

The bells sing with the crowd in jubilation. It is a merry occasion, with the official new rulers of the Devildom. All were so elated.

Except for one. "What a wretched soul I have..." they uttered under their breath. They couldn't take the sight. With the man they so love to be happy in someone's arms. Rage was boiling inside them. Staying there for a second longer and they would definitely ravage everything. So, they fled the scene, escaping to their secret place surrounded by the lake and the sea of trees.

They wanted to let it all out. Pain, sorrow, rage, envy. They were overflowing with emotion more than they could take. It should be them, placing a ring on his finger! the one smiling and crying of happiness as he makes a vow! The one who should be kissing him in front of thousands of witnesses!

"WHY?! What did I do to deserve this?!" The swaying blue and white Forget-me-nots they took with utmost care came to view. "What useless plants!!" They cried out, yanking and tearing everything off the soil. "True love?! It was only me from the very start!!"

All they could do was cry. Scream until their throat goes dry, until their voice disappears.

When all energy left their body, they slumped in the grassy land they’re on. In that secluded place, surrounded with trees serving as its walls. As if it were cradling them away from everything. Hiding their wretched self from everyone.

Dazed, they stared at the sky for an hour. As its hue turns from light blue to red, their mind gets clearer. That's when they heard a familiar sound. They followed it on the tip of the cliff.

It was the roaring waves beneath the land mass. It seems like it's continuing the cries they couldn't do anymore. Roaring like it was spilling the emotions inside them.

"If I jump, will you save me again?" They spoke to the man who is no longer in that secret place. It will never be a safe haven for them anymore.

"I want to be saved by you one more time." I want to be embraced by you one last time.

They faced their back to the rim of the cliff, and took a step backward. A foot standing on a void. And so, their body tipped, losing the other foot from the ground. As their balance disappears, they see nothing but the golden rays of the sunset and the redness of the dusk. So red like Diavolo's locks, golden like his eyes. There's nothing but only traces of him; of the man who doesn't really love them as he promised.

This is foolish... They thought. They're all alone. No Diavolo will fly down and save them anymore.

"I should go home..." Dying here would only hurt him... They whispered as the firm breeze swirls beneath, ready to catch them. After all, no one will save me but I... thinking of that, another pang spiked their heart.

But the wind spell they casted couldn't catch them. When they should have been falling, a hand appeared and pulled them in an embrace.

"Please don't do this..." it was not the warmth they were expecting. Yet, streams began flowing down their cheeks, in comfort of another’s arms. With their hoarse voice they sob the sorrow of losing their safe haven.

Part 2 (Safe Haven ~Another Story~) | Part 3 (Safe Haven ~Epilogue~)

Masterlist

[the---hermit]

Tag 9 people to learn about their interests!

Tagged by @just-a-cup-of-anxietea thank you 💜🌿

MUSIC

Favourite genre?

I grew up listening to metal and rock, and that's where my heart is. Expecially symphonic metal. But I also listen a a lot more.

Favourite song?

I could say so many songs, if I really have to pick just one I would say Fear Of The Dark by Iron Maiden. That's the song that made me fall in love with music as a kid.

Most listened song recently?

Lately I have been really into Rain Paris' covers, she's really good.

Song currently stuck in your head?

Below My Feet by Mumford and Sons

5 fave lyrics?

Although I felt like giving up

It's not the road I chose

The path less often traveled

Held the highest, the highest of hopes

(The Curse Of The Fold by Shawn James)

Man, he took his time in the sun

Had a dream to understand

A single grain of sand

He gave birth to poetry

But one day'll cease to be

Greet the last light of the library

(The Greatest Show On Earth by Nightwish)

The first thing I ever heard

Was a wandering man telling his story

It was you, the grass under my bare feet

The campfire in the dead of the night

The heavenly black of sky and sea

(Song Of Myself by Nightwish)

And suddently Hades was only a man...

(Epic III from Hadestown off Broadway)

You can be every little thing you want nobody to know

(Wilder Mind by Mumford and Sons)

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

Favourite book genre?

I have a thing for the very first horror/scifi/fantasy that bloomed in gothic litterature at the end of the 1800s. I have no idea if that counts as a genre, but I have always had a thing for that part of litterature, and when I don't know what to read I usually just go for something that falls under this category

Favourite writer?

Neil Gaiman, and many others, but if I have to pick just one that's him. His writing style, the topics, everything is just perfect for my taste in writing.

Favourite book?

I usually say Frankenstein by Mary Shelly cause that is a great way to present the type of story I like. I was also lucky cause I read that book in the perfect moment of my life to connect with it amazingly. At the same time I feel like I am lying because to only pick one single book is so reductive.

Favourite book series?

I have commitment issues, I don't usually go for series. I would like to cheat by saying The Lord Of The Rings, but Tolkien considered it a whole book. Other than that the only full series I have read is Harry Potter. ( I have also read a few books from the Percy Jackson series, which I enjoyed at the time. And last year I started reading The Witcher series, which I am really liking but I am only two books in and I don't know if that would count).

Comfort book?

The Humans by Matt Haig. Anyone who knows me, or has been following me for a while knows about this, amd no I will never shut up about it until everyone has read it. It just gives me hope in a way didn't think was possible. (Also shout out to The Hobbit cause it just makes me feel so good)

Perfect book to read on a rainy day?

Okay so not an easy question. I think I would either go for a short book that I could read in one sitting or a collection of short stories. For the first category my first thought was Tarocchi Magici E Cavallereschi : La Vera Storia Di Rolando by Marcello Simoni. I have no idea if this was translated but It was a great retelling of the medieval story of Rolando I read last year, I'd love to re-read it. For the second category any short story collection by Neil Gaiman. I particularly love Trigger Warning.

Favourite character?

How can you ask me to pick just one? I love the Creature of Frankenstein, I connected so much to that character. But also Herger from Crichton's Eaters of the Dead is a character I love. I adore his positive spirit and his way of seeing life. At this point I should also mention Bilbo Baggins from The Hobbit, one of the characters that I feel more close to me.

5 favourite quotes from your favourite book(s) that you know by heart?

Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.

(Frankenstein by Mary Shelley)

A paradox: The things you don’t need to live—books, art, cinema, wine, and so on—are the things you need to live.

(The Humans by Matt Haig)

Don’t aim for perfection. Evolution, and life, only happen through mistakes.

(The Humans by Matt Haig)

Herger said to me, "Be thankful, for you are fortunate."

I inquired the source of my fortune. Herger said in reply, "If you have the fear of high places, than this day you shall overcome it; and so you shall have faced a great challenge; and so you shall be adjudged a hero.

(Eaters Of The Dead by Michael Crichton)

Then something Tookish woke up inside him, and he wished to go and see the great mountains, and hear the pine-trees and the waterfalls, and explore the caves, and wear a sword instead of a walking-stick.

(The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien)

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

Favoutie tv/movie genre?

I have no idea. I don't know if I feel different about the genres I watch the most. You know what? I'm gonna go with animated movies because at the end of the day that's always the best option when you don't know what to watch.

Favourite movie ?

There is so many movie. In my family we religiously rewatch a bunch of movies every year, how could I pick just one? I'm gonna go with Young Frankenstein cause that movies is hilarious, and everytime I rewatch it I laugh as if I didn't know all the jokes already.

Comfort movie ?

Honestly it depends on what type of comfort I am looking for. I could go with a couple of my favourite disney classics like The Emperor's New Groove and The Lion King. But also The Hobbit and The Lord Of The Rings movies. This list could go on for days honestly.

Movie you watch every year ?

The list would be way too long, I am a serial rewatcher. I can say a few I haven't mentioned yet. Big Trouble In Little China, the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Wasabi, The 13th Warrior, Lo Chiamavano Trinità and A LOT of other movies.

Favoutie tv show?

The answer to this has changed many many times through the years, but I can confidently say Brooklyn Nine Nine.

Comfort tv show?

Brooklyn Nine Nine, Friends, and I know there's something else but I can't think of any title at the moment.

Most rewatched tv show?

I could say Supernatural, but I really don't want to say Supernatural. I have watched The Mentalist a fair amount of times (the first couple seasons). Now that I think about it I have seen Lie To Me a lot of times aswell. B99 too but I disn't awant to be too repetitive.

5 fave characters?

I don't know if this is supposed to be on tv shows or movies so I will randomly list a few from both. Bilbo Baggings from The Hobbit (yes I am saying it again BUT you don't understand how much I feel like him cause I also both want and not want to go on an adventure). Rosa Diaz from B99, Patrick Jane from The Mentalist, Elizabeth Swan from The Pirates Of The Caribbean. I know it's just four but I can't think of anyone at the moment.

tv shows or movie | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

I tag (no pressure) : @anxiousoptimist101, @contre-qui , @justanotherstudyblrinthecrowd , @starrystvdy , @sage-studies , @occhicerchiati , @fly-away-from-here , @illuminatingnun and @outsassing-nero, plus whoever whats to do this just pretend that I tagged you!

[lambourngb]

Nailing that Dynamic- Recs - Day 1

Day 1 for Creator’s Week, and I gotta say, this is my favorite fan event, mainly because it was the first one I participated last year. This little rec set is devoted to dynamics, divided into friendship, found family, and finally romantic (and yes, that’s Malex with me.)

We’ve had two seasons of this show, and while I can’t really relate to aliens or even the immigrant story, I do relate strongly to the stories behind friendship. I can say my appetite for fic with a good friendship dynamic will always be there.

Will You Be My Friend- Circle Yes or No (recs)

Finding You by @myrmidryad  (122,000) - If by chance the canon from high school bums you out, this is the story to read. Gin writing malex is always a ‘no-brainer I’m gonna read it story’ for me, but what really set this epic apart was how beautifully Gin writes the friendship dynamics between Michael & Liz, and Michael & Max. It’s a canon-divergent story with no-murder of Rosa or the shed scene, where in order to avoid enlistment, Alex disappears from Roswell and joins the Max & Liz road trip with Michael in tow. They just need to fill that gap between high school and the opening of the dorms at UNM so they can start a life together. And fill it they do with this road trip. There were moments where I sobbed with how badly Michael needed this in canon and didn’t get it. It also made me like Max, so, yeah. Great writing and characterizations here.

Hit the Road by @bestillmyslashyheart - (7,100) - One of the brightest spots for me in season two was Rosa Ortecho, and one of the most frustrating parts of season two was the fact we didn’t get any interaction between her and Alex. *screams* At least I had a few crumbs of Rosa & Maria (not nearly enough!) but still. Where there’s a glaring gap in canon, thank god there’s fanfic. Marlo treats us to a delightful story written post season 1, but had some surprisingly psychic lines about Malex, number one how they don’t think they are good for one another. I really enjoyed what this story says about leaving-  and honestly, the town of Roswell has so much pain tied to these characters, they should all take long road trips away from it.

a few drinks and some conversation by @christchex / @michaels-blackhat (5,600 ) - this one is set post-season 2, with all the complications of Michael deciding now wasn’t the right time for him and Alex, while also working on giving Maria the right space after their breakup.  I think it’s pretty clear that Michael needs a friend he’s not related to and someone he hasn’t slept with - to provide him so low-stakes genuine company outside of the alien bullshit and love triangle dynamics. Christi does this beautifully through the eyes of an OC and the number of times I’ve read this story is like 10, and also, it’s inspired my current story about Michael going on dates.

and headin’ out singing our song by @stars-and-sunshine (4,100) post season 2, Alex and Michael head off on a road trip (okay, this is a trope I apparently like since I’ve recced three stories now, hahaha) after Alex’s car breaks down. There’s a careful space in this story, of two men building a friendship again. The roadtrip details are beautiful, but what stayed with me is a scene in the museum. That summer of 2008 had some ghosts to address.

If I Follow You Home, Will You Keep Me? found-family dynamics

When You’re Gone by @bestillmyslashyheart (8,200) - Before I tell you why I love this story, I want everyone to follow the next link and read this story about email and messages and grief in the digital age [trigger for cancer death] chat history by Rebecca  Armendariz. (She also wrote a follow up called Timelines published by the Hairpin that talks about the memory function on facebook.) So back to the story, this is Rosa, opening her email 10 years after her death and reading the messages people sent her, thinking they were speaking into the void. Liz, Maria, Alex, Mimi and Arturo, all of them sending her notes, sometimes time passes without an email, then an event triggers that memory of Rosa not being there- and yeah, I found this whole thing to be so moving.

Never Ever Getting Rid of Me by @spaceskam - (4,400) this probably could have gone in the friendship side, but I feel like when you work in a high stakes place like a hospital, friends is a term that ends up being too light, and with the level of competition and stress it grows a bond like family... anyway, this is an AU where Michael and Kyle end up at the same hospital as competing interns but some elements of canon are still there.

still fixing all the cracks by @emma-arthur -  (3,400) this is a pre-canon story, set when Alex is 14. He’s still a soft child, being tortured by his dad, and soaking up the attention from Liz, Rosa and Arturo when he breaks a glass and spirals. Heavy discussion of child abuse and homophobic abuse, but a really good exploration of the canon-neglected Liz & Alex friendship, plus with that paternal Arturo Ortecho in the mix...

Ophiuchus by @planetsam - (11,600) the other bright side of season 2 was the reveal of Walt Sanders as being not only Michael’s boss, but someone who knew his mother, knew what he was, and silently looked out for him...now of course I wish he had been more overt in doing this, but fanfic once again has fixed this canon-oversight. This is an incredible look through Walt’s eyes as he gets in over his head adopting an alien child, especially one who already had issues from previous foster placements. I could read a million words in this verse.

The Michael Sanders AU by @prouvaireafterdark (17,000 ) And speaking of great AUs where Michael is raised by Walt, I would be really amiss in not mentioning this one. It’s got hot high school Malex moments, emotional/hurt comfort for both Michael’s past foster placements but also the shit Alex is living with at home. I have to say “Honey if You Stay” is my favorite, just because of how badly I wanted to hug teen Alex...

and finally, no found family rec list could be complete without mentioning the epic series To Raise a Child (117,000 in progress) by @haloud and @maeglinthebold - season 2 put some hits on my headspace and emotional reserves, not to mention 2020 nonsense, so I’m dreadfully behind in commenting on this story. It’s just a huge emotional bandaid for me right now- it takes the idea of “what if the adults in Roswell actually looked out for their children (and other peoples children) and protected them from shit” and what would that change. Michael was found at 7 and then runs away to Roswell at 10, so yeah, humans have already done their best to convince him the world sucks and only finding his siblings matters... Jim Valenti steps in, knowing what he is, and finds him a place in Roswell with Arturo Ortecho. Anyway, everyone gets a turn- Jim, Mimi, the kids, etc in the story, it’s well rounded and fleshed out. Obviously being a malex person my favorite parts are the kid-friendship/this-is-just-a-crush moments in second story, where if you hadn’t lost your heart to Michael Ortecho by then, well, you’re a goner after that story. 

I Could Build Your Heart A Home (malex recs)

time will lie down and be still by @islndgurl777 (29,600) the Practical Magic AU - which I loved but I have never seen the movie it’s based on lol... anyway, this story almost belonged up with my found family dynamic recs, because the story opens with Isobel and Michael being 7 and 8 years old alien siblings and left with Mimi Deluca to raise with her daughter Maria, because with their father recently dead, their mother would soon follow as a species level soulmate bond. Michael vows never to fall in love. Then there’s a beautiful friendship between Maria, Liz, Isobel and Michael as they grow up together that I just wanted to roll around in forever... However this is a Malex rec, so once Alex enters the story in high school and things go down similarly with Jesse, Michael is heartbroken, his soulmate (he thinks) is gone, vanished into the Air Force, and he spends the next 10 years helping Maria, going to school with Liz, and keeping in touch with Isobel. Until 2018 when Isobel finds out her perfect man was like them, an alien, and bad, and they are forced to cover up his murder. Then Alex comes to town. But the soulmate storyline is the winner here and I just re-read it again.

here everyone knows (you’re the way to my heart) by @adamsparirsh (19,700) So this story tackles a dynamic that think will be the death-knell to the Alex/Forrest relationship- the weight of the alien secret and Alex’s responsibility gland and what that looks like to someone who wants to be in a relationship with him. The exclusion. But outside of that- there’s this part of Alex that isn’t willing to let anyone in that isn’t already there, and that’s Michael. I’m fucking weak for stories where these two assholes can’t connect with anyone but each other, and this one hits it. There’s also so many lovely friendship dynamics between everyone showing up for Alex- like Rosa, Isobel, Max, Maria. Obviously this is a Malex-is-endgame story, even though it starts Alex/Forrest.

it’s a long road back to you by @magsthemagical  (17,000) This was an interesting, now AU take on what if Maria/Michael dated at the same time as Alex/Forrest, and honestly, I thought basted on the season two spoilers that was where we were heading. I was gobsmacked by 2x13. Anyway, here’s a story that discusses the tension that would happen if there had been simultaneous dating going on…the parts where Michael sees Alex being open with someone other than him were very raw and true to how I would think he would feel. For 10 years he wanted that and didn’t get it, and so of course the problem was probably him?? Anyway, I enjoyed this a lot, and again felt robbed that we are heading into a new triangle for season 3. 

untouched by @prouvaireafterdark (5,200) - okay, you know when you have an alien soulmate idea in your head and you want it to appear on the page, and then it does and it’s everything you wanted? That’s what happened to me when ‘Untouched’ appeared. Obviously it’s AU, but my reptile brain just loves the idea that Michael and Alex can’t get off with anyone else, and then that frustration builds into a sexy explosion... there’s also some communcation happening with these clowns. But seriously for 5,000 words, A LOT HAPPENS here and I loved every word.

Would you come home by @caitlesshea (1000) How great would have it been if season 2 had ended with Michael and Alex found a baby in a stasis pod instead of Beardy Jones? Like seriously, this short little fic healed so many of my wounds from season 2 that I couldn’t help but include it here. I would take 50,000 more words in this sadly AU take. 

Hoarding you by @foramomentonly (1200) okay, so the rain smell, like 2x04 was low key my favorite episode of RNM ever, especially with Alex throwing that flirty line “It’s smells like rain, that’s what you smell like under the grease and bourbon’ and this author takes that line, and fucking murders me with the idea that Alex can’t move on because of that smell. And Michael is now his, and finds out about it. This is my head canon, okay? No one can talk me out of it.

If you like any of these recs, please leave a comment on the story- a ‘this was awesome’ is enough to propell an author into the stratosphere with happiness, so don’t worry about coming up with a unique, never before shared insight- sometimes a keyboard smash and emogi makes all the difference!

[justlightlysedated]

There is something about Alex Manes that Michael can't quite put his finger on.

The first time that he'd seen him, Michael remembers vividly, since it only happened three days ago, how bright and worried his big brown eyes were, and how he'd leaned in close and looked at Michael right in the eyes, almost like he could see right through him and had asked him, "Are you okay, Guerin?"

Michael had of course ruined everything then, by asking, "Who’s Guerin?" since Isobel had only called him Michael, which was the only reason that he knew that that was his name.

Or at least he hoped it was his name.

Everyone kept calling him that, with the exception of Alex and Maria.

Maria who had told him that they were sort of dating, but had balked when he had asked if that meant that she was his girlfriend.

And Alex, who had told him that they were sort of friends, but had refused to look at him in the eyes since Kyle had pulled him aside and told him that Michael couldn’t remember anything.

Michael had felt that that was wrong.

There was something wrong with calling Alex his friend, but he couldn’t really put his finger on the why.

Right now, Michael sat on a stool in Liz’s lab, watching as Alex talked to both Liz and Kyle, pointing at a map on top of the lab table. He was dressed up in his military greens, and there was some small part of Michael that wanted to be scared at the sight of the uniform, but the rest of him was too busy trying to figure out why the tilt of Alex's head and the way he kept clenching and unclenching his right fist was bothering him so badly.

Michael purses his mouth and reaches out absently with one hand, a move that almost seems automatic, and the stool beside Alex moves and bumps right into his right leg, and it makes him stumble a little.

Alex glares up at Michael, without hesitation, and Michael just shrugs in return, but he feels something sparking down the back of his neck, when Alex makes eye contact for the first time in three days.

He doesn’t know why he did that, but when Alex sits down, after making a show of the fact that he was fine, and stops clenching his hand or holding his head in an awkward angle, Michael feels relief go through him.

Michael doesn’t know what to make of the feeling, but it also makes something melancholy and sad go through him, almost like if he knew that Alex wouldn’t have done that if Michael remembered the kind of relationship they had before.

He shakes his head, trying to shake the feeling away, and concentrates on what they’re actually saying, trying to see if he could piece together anything other than what they’ve told him.

Liz says, “Okay, what about Alex-?”

And it’s almost like if someone yanks Michael backwards, and he gasps, eyes falling shut and he can hear Max’s voice perfectly clear in his head, “What if it had been Alex Manes?” and an overwhelming feeling of shock, but more than that, it triggers a waterfall of memories, going backwards.

Liz telling him that she wanted to go, Max scoffing and walking away, Isobel’s wide and scared eyes as Max figures it out, Isobel telling him that she might not be able to do it again, him pushing Max backwards, How could you do this to Isobel, keeping watch as Isobel stops Liz in the middle of the hall and tells her that she has to leave, now.

Michael feels almost like he falls back into his body, and when he opens his eyes, everyone is staring at him.

Michael’s eyes find Liz.

“We made you leave,” he blurts out.

Liz’s eyes go a little bit wide and she nods her head as she takes a step forward. “So you say, but I already told you, I would’ve gone anyway. I wanted to go.”

Michael nods his head a little because he does remember that, but the gap in his memories leave him with two very important questions.

One, what was so important that they needed Liz to leave Roswell?

And two, why had Max made that comparison?

-

Michael thinks that maybe he should talk to Max, but there is some part of him that seems reluctant to actually do that, so he goes to talk to Isobel instead.

Or at least he tries to.

It takes him three more days to actually get her alone.

Three days where the sight of a guitar makes him hear a disembodied, but distorted voice echoing in his head, saying, Sometimes people can be nice for no reason, which cascades into him pushing a guitar into Alex’s hands with a feeling like heartbreak, him playing a guitar in what looks like a bar, Maria sitting across the room, him unzipping a guitar case and feeling for the first time elated at receiving a gift knowing there were no strings attached, Alex pulling a guitar out of his hands telling him that he can’t just take things from the music room, and lastly Michael with his bottom lip pulled between his teeth a guitar heavy in his lap as he concentrates on trying to get the chords right instead of the pang of hunger in the pit of his stomach.

Michael would think that Isobel is avoiding him, but she had taken a sabbatical from work earlier in the year and was apparently very busy.

She shows up at the Airstream, which everyone tells him is his home, but it doesn't feel like home, even though it definitely looks like a place he would spend most of his time in.

Michael had heard her car pulling up, and had been sitting down on the stairs of the Airstream waiting for her.

She pulls a paper bag with an unfamiliar logo on it, and shakes it in his direction, also, holding a paper tray with two cups of coffee in her other hand.

"I brought bagels," she says, closing her car door close with her hip.

Michael who had been getting to his feet falls back on his butt as he hears an echo of Isobel saying that same phrase, another time, and having this sick feeling permeating in the pit of his stomach like he just made a terrible realization, that he has to swallow down, and then he's hit with another cascading waterfall of memories.

Starting with Alex scoffing and giving him a scathing look, You may have forgotten but I still remember, vividly, Max telling him that he needs to stop looking back through his rearview mirror, Max asking him to tell him the truth about what actually happened to his hand, him laughing like he's being scraped over hot coals, The chupacabra fucked me up, Iz, his voice again, sounding younger, I messed up Iz, an overwhelming amount of anger, and him pushing apart two blurry figures and then-

"Michael!" Isobel yells in his face and it snaps him out of it.

He feels a throbbing in his left hand, like an old wound that never healed right, and looks at Isobel with wide eyes.

"We covered up her sister's murder. That's why we made her leave."

Isobel exhales roughly and shakes her head, moving back, "Of course you remember that."

Michael just gives her a slightly exasperated look, and Isobel sighs again and turns around before reaching out and dragging one of the lawn chairs closer, instead of walking the few feet over to get it.

She turns and sits back as it smoothly moves in place to catch her before she falls, and Michael feels reluctantly impressed.

She sighs, crossing her legs and leaning back. Michael only notices then that the bagels and coffee are right by his foot, and he moves to grab the two coffees, handing one to Isobel and making a face when he takes a sip of his.

“I’m still not sure about what actually happened,” Isobel tells him, looking at her cup of coffee instead of drinking it, tapping a random beat against the lid with her finger. “But from what I could recollect, and what you and Max have told me. Noah was obsessed with Rosa, and he possessed me in order to get closer to her, and when she started to pull away, he killed her because he was a manipulative obsessive asshole. You found us then, when Noah was letting her fall to the floor, and he left, making me fall unconscious.”

She takes a sip of her coffee then, and Michael tries really hard not to ask her who the hell is Noah, since it seems like this is a really heavy subject for her and he would hate to do anything to ruin the mood.

“I woke up later and found you and Max getting ready to cause the accident and you told me that you messed up and got into a real bad bar fight and lost control and killed them. I should’ve known better. I did know better, but back then it was easier to believe that you had done it, than that there was something wrong with me. The three of us took care of the car, and then later on, we knew that if Max witnessed Liz grieving for much longer that he would break, so we made the choice. She wanted to leave, so I just pushed her to leave earlier than anyone expected, without telling anyone.”

She looks at him and then away.

“I didn’t know then that Max was actually in love with her, but I might’ve still done the same thing.”

She looks back at Michael, and rolls her eyes at the probably sympathetic look on his face.

“The past is in the past, and Max died bringing Rosa back so it’s not like-”

“Wait,” Michael says, holding a hand up. “Max died?”

Isobel just rolls her eyes again. “It’s not relevant right now which is why you weren’t told anything. Both Kyle and Liz say that the amnesia is most likely temporary. It’s been like a week. And from the way you’re going, I’m pretty sure you’ll remember everything in no time.”

Michael licks his lips and nods his head once, looking down at the coffee cup in his hands, and he moves his left hand, clenching and unclenching the fingers. They’re stiff and hurt, but it’s almost like a pain that he’s stuck into the back of his head and doesn’t really think about because it’s that constant.

He looks up at Isobel, who’s been staring at him staring at his hand, and she gives him a small shrug. “I don’t actually know what happened. You never told me the truth. Though I guess it does have to do something with Alex.”

Michael looks back at his hand, and wonders out of the two fighting figures that he had pulled apart, if Alex had been one of them.

“You should ask Max,” Isobel says, and Michael turns back to stare at her kind of in shock.

“Yeah, I know I said it has to do with Alex, but I think maybe you should postpone any conversations with Alex until you get your memories back.”

Michael furrows his brow at that. “Why?”

Isobel just shrugs noncommittally, “It’s not relevant right now, and you don’t have to listen to me if you really don’t want to, but it’s a friendly suggestion.”

Michael just decides to take it under consideration and takes another sip of his coffee, making a face until Isobel sighs in exaggeration, “Fine. That’s not your usual coffee order. I just wanted to make sure that your tastebuds were still tragic.”

Michael rolls his eyes and grabs the bag of bagels while Isobel starts to tell him about all the other foods that he eats that are just tragic.

Michael finds himself amused in spite of the subject and hopes that this is how they are all of the time.

-

Michael doesn’t really plan on talking to Max, or anyone else. Even though he’s buzzing with unanswered questions.

He gets the feeling that Alex will have the answers that he’s looking for, but he can’t get Isobel’s friendly suggestion out of his head.

She was right in the sense that it’s only been a week and Michael could still regain all of his memories any day now, and it’s not like he’s still a blank slate.

He remembers things. Things that seem to bring up more questions, but still, he doesn’t need all of the answers right at this second. Not when it also feels like the answers are going to be much more painful than he had expected when he woke up in the hospital not remembering who he was.

And then Max comes to visit him.

Michael is in the middle of finishing changing the oil on Mrs. Peters ancient Camaro when he shows up, leaning against the side of his jeep as he waits for Michael to finish up.

Work was something that Michael found that he could do without actually having to think too much about it, and it’s the only thing that he can actually do without needing supervision. So he’s been spending a lot of time at the scrap yard, which he doesn’t actually think is a strange occurrence.

He slides out from underneath the car, and tugs the dirty rag hanging from his pocket to clean up his hands as he turns towards Max who pushes away from his jeep and walks towards Michael.

Michael stares at him as he walks closer and tries to see if he can make out any differences, but it's not like he remembers much about Max before to know if he would be different now.

"You died?" He blurts out as Max opens his mouth to speak.

Max gives him a slightly incredulous look but nods his head once. "I got better."

Michael lets out an involuntary stutter of laughter, which makes Max smile at him.

"Did Izzy send you?" Michael asks when all Max does is continue to look at him a little indulgently.

Max shakes his head giving him another incredulous look, “Isobel doesn’t send me anywhere.”

Michael raises an eyebrow at that. He may not have all of his memories but he knows that that is a lie.

“Okay, fine,” Max says. “But she didn’t send me here. She doesn’t have to send me here.”

He gives Michael a meaningful look at that and Michael just licks his lips mulling it over for a second before he speaks.

“Look,” he says, and Max straightens up like he understands that Michael has something important to say. “I know you know I don’t remember much, and what I do remember doesn’t really add up, but when I look at you, I feel strange like I’m so fucking pissed at you, but at the same time like I’m so relieved, but also kind of scared, and I don’t understand it, and it’s weird.”

Max just nods his head like he understands exactly what Michael is talking about even though Michael doesn’t understand it himself.

“There are things that happened, that we haven’t really talked about even with your memories. It’s not exactly easy to talk about some things, especially between the two of us.”

Michael gives him an appraising sort of look, and tilts his head to the side. “You know that that really doesn’t explain anything.”

Max just gives him a smile, “Yeah. I think there are some things better left to speak about when you get your memories back.”

Michael nods his head slightly, “I’ve been getting a lot of that lately.”

Max gives him a slightly confused look, and Michael just shrugs, before he licks his lips and speaks.

“Isobel told me to ask you about my hand, instead of going to Alex.”

“Ah,” Max says nodding his head, before he exhales and gives Michael a look, “Maybe we should sit down?”

Michael doesn’t think he likes where this conversation is going.

He just plants his feet where they’re standing and Max sighs like he was expecting that.

He just sighs and then looks at Michael, a sort of sympathetic expression on his face.

“You told me that Alex Manes’ father-”

Michael inhales sharply and staggers backwards into the Camaro, eyes falling shut as the words echo in his head in his own voice, “Alex Manes’ father.”

He vaguely hears Max calling out his name, but he’s too busy falling down a cascade of memories.

Alex is shaking his head with a self-deprecating smile and Michael feels a spike of fear and self loathing deep in his stomach, Any Manes man would be as good as the other, him pushing Alex back and biting out words that he regrets as soon as they’re out of his mouth, but it’s already too late, him, standing across from Max and feeling like the world was falling apart all around him and he couldn’t find steady ground, Alex looking at him with confused eyes, Why are you telling me all of this? I just told you my family has been hunting yours for generations, followed by his own voice caustic and sharp, Finally a real Manes man, and finally Alex again, lying back in the back of Michael's truck, looking up at the sky, Join the Air Force. The only way to be a real Manes man, but I've never wanted that. I want more than that.

Michael drops back into the present like he’d been dropped from a great height, and he's sitting on the floor, leaning back against the Camaro with Max hovering over him.

He looks at Max, blinking a few times and Max just tips his chin back and looks into his eyes like he actually knows anything about how to deal with the side effects of a head injury.

"Are you okay?" He asks, brow furrowed in concern.

Michael licks his lips a few times and just stares at him. “So Alex’s family has been hunting aliens ever since we crashed here?”

“Yes,” Max answers though he seems a bit reluctant to. “But Alex isn’t his family, and he’s been doing everything that he can to reverse his family’s legacy.”

Michael wants to protest that he doesn’t blame Alex for what his family has done, but he can still feel the memories that directly prove that he does, or at least he did.

But he also thinks that he wasn’t exactly acting like a rational person when he’d said those things.

“That’s not what I meant,” he says, and Max just gives him a look like he doesn’t really believe him, but he just levers himself up to his feet, and then reaches down with a hand towards Michael.

Michael grabs it and lets Max pull him to his feet.

“I just don’t get it,” Michael admits after a few seconds of silence.

Max gives him a questioning look, and Michael can see that he wants him to elaborate, but Michael himself doesn’t really know how to explain it.

He just shakes his head and then remembers that there was something that he did want to ask.

“I remember you asking me, ‘what if it had been Alex Manes,’ after you found out what happened with Liz,” he states, and Max’s brow furrows even more in confusion like he doesn’t get what that has to do with anything.

Michael licks his lips. “You love Liz. I know you do even if I don’t remember actually knowing and finding out. It’s obvious every single time you look at her. So you love her, and you compared us sending her away to if Alex had been the one sent away, to make me understand how you feel, but why would you do that, when I don’t-I’m not-”

Max’s confused look goes to knowing and then to a sympathetic look bordering on pity.

“I’m not in love with Alex, am I?” he asks, feeling his pulse jumping erratically as he says the words.

Max just licks his lips and then shrugs a little, “I don’t know.”

Michael just gives him an exasperated look.

“I really don’t,” Max says. “I mean, I think that you were, but we never really talked about it. What you and Alex had was between the two of you, and the two of you are the only ones that know what actually happened.”

Michael processes that, nodding his head slightly, “What about Maria?”

Max gives him a nonplussed look. “What about Maria?”

Michael exhales roughly, reaching up to drag a hand through his hair. “Well, she told me that we’re dating, but she seems pretty close with Alex. If I was in love with Alex, like you say, then why would I be sort of dating one of his close friends?”

Max once again shrugs, “Like I said, whatever happened was between the two of you.”

Michael wonders how he’s supposed to figure all of this out when all of the signs point that he just needs to talk to Alex, but everyone else seems convinced that that is the last thing that he should do.

“But you also think that I should stay away from him until I get my memories back, don’t you?”

Max reaches out and pats him on the shoulder. “Alex has been through a lot. And you’re a little intense when you’re not trying to tone it down.”

Michael doesn’t really understand what that means, but he just sighs looking away.

"Why don't you go talk to Maria,” he suggests, and Michael turns back to him with narrowed eyes. “Maybe talking to her will help clear some things up.”

-

The bar isn't open, but when Michael pushes the door open, it opens easily.

He walks inside and spots Maria almost immediately, standing back behind the bar, a clipboard in her hands.

The door closes with a click behind him, and Maria looks up at the mirror set on the wall in front of her, and she freezes when she sees him, fingers tightening around the clipboard in her hands before she turns around to actually face him.

“Hello stranger,” she says in an airy voice, managing to sound both hopeful and trepidatious.

“Unfortunately,” Michael says, answering her unspoken question.

She bites down on her bottom lip, smile flickering at the edges as she looks down to the clipboard in her hands.

There’s something almost fragile about her in that moment, like it’s not the first time that someone who she cares about doesn’t remember who she is, and Michael wishes that he had better news for her.

She inhales deeply and then looks back up at Michael, and gives him a small but genuine smile, “Let me guess, you came by because you really need a drink?”

Michael shakes his head and then moves forward, walking closer to the bar as Maria sets the clipboard down and stares at him, maybe a little apprehensively.

“My head’s in enough of a mess as it is already,” he responds, and she nods her head at that.

“I can only imagine,” she tells him, leaning against the bar as he drops down into one of the stools.

Michael stares at her in silence for a moment while he tries to figure out how to ask what he wants to ask, and Maria starts to fidget after a few minutes.

“What?” she asks, straightening up and reaching up to mess with one of the necklaces around her neck.

Michael licks his lips, “You told me that we were sort of dating.”

Maria waits for a beat like she’s waiting for him to elaborate and when he doesn’t she just nods her head, “Yes. I did.”

“Why so ambiguous?” he asks, furrowing his brow. “Are we just friends with benefits? Or is there something else?”

Or someone else, Michael doesn’t say, someone like Alex.

Maria just sighs, folding her hands together in front of her on top of the bar, and she gives him a half smile, something sad and bittersweet in her gaze.

“We were on a break,” she tells him. “So many things have happened in the last year and we were trying to make it work, but something happened, I’m not sure what since you wouldn’t talk about it, but I knew that Alex knew and we got into a fight about that, because you never talk about what you and Alex get up to, and I know it’s not even remotely in the avenue of cheating on me since I know you would never do that, that Alex would never do that, but I hated that Alex knew and that I didn’t. Especially because it was something affecting you enough that you weren’t acting like yourself.”

She inhales deeply and looks away, while Michael tries to process that.

“So I gave you an ultimatum,” she continues, and Michael tilts his head at her furrowing his brow, but she continues looking off to the side, as though that conversation happened at the bar and she can see it playing out before her eyes. “And you told me that you needed to think about it.”

Michael reaches out and pushes his fingers against her shoulder, and she startles a little, turning back to face him.

She licks her lips at the look on his face, and inhales deeply before she gives him another small smile, “You called me on the night of the accident to tell me that we needed to talk, and I thought that you were going to tell me everything and that we were going to fix things, and then I got the phone call from Kyle telling me about the accident.”

Michael nods his head and tries to process that.

“I don’t remember any of that,” he admits to her, and Maria inhales sharply but nods back like she had expected that. “Random words seem to trigger memories that are associated, but they barely make sense in the grand scheme of things. They’re more confusing than anything.”

He doesn’t tell her that they’re mostly confusing because of Alex, but she just tilts her head at him, eyes narrowing a little before she’s moving her hands back to one of the necklaces around her neck and she’s pulling it over her head.

She holds the pendant in her hand, cupped in her palm so that Michael can see it. It’s a teardrop shape resin cast with a flower stuck inside of it. It shines in the low light of the bar and Michael feels a little riveted as he stares at it.

“My mom gave this to me a long time ago. She always told me that it was to protect me from evil. But it doesn’t mean that to me anymore. I lost it the first time that we had sex.”

Michael drags his eyes away from the pendant to look at Maria, who is staring at the pendant with a soft expression on her face.

“It was in the middle of the desert in Texas, and we were both drunk and high, and it was a mistake,” she says, voice fond even though the words aren’t really nice. “And not because I didn’t want it, but because I thought that it would have ruined everything, and in a way, it did, but not in the way that I thought it was going to. I was trying to push it all out of my mind and even more when I found out about Alex, but it was almost impossible. You found it and gave it back to me, and since then I can’t even look at it without thinking about you.”

She looks back up to him then and gives him a slightly hopeful smile, eyes shining a little bright, “Maybe it’ll help you remember.”

Maria holds her hand out and Michael does the same, and she tips her hand over and lets the necklace fall into his palm.

Michael moves his hand closer to his face, inspecting the pendant, and he smooths his thumb over the smooth surface, and inhales a little sharply as he hears that same distorted and echoey voice, thrumming through his head, yelling, “That I loved you! And I think that you loved me!”

Michael opens his eyes and looks into Maria’s eyes, so hopeful and bright, and he thinks that maybe the voice could belong to her, because the distortion could be hiding a female voice.

There was a part of him that hoped that maybe the voice was Alex’s, but maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing if the voice belonged to Maria instead.

He licks his lips and looks back down at the pendant, and then back at her.

“Did you ever tell me that you loved me?” he asks because he needs to know.

Maria moves back, dropping suddenly like she’d been rising up on her toes in order to be closer to him, her face shutters in a way that seems vaguely familiar and she stares at him for a long moment before she holds her hand out.

Michael hands over the necklace automatically already knowing what her answer is going to be.

“No,” she says, sliding the necklace back over her neck, and tucking in beneath her shirt before she looks back at him, eyes impossibly sad. “But I think I might know who has.”

-

Maria tells him to go and talk to Alex, and Michael gets into his truck and thinks about doing everything else but that.

He just twists the key in the ignition and pulls out of the parking lot and just drives and drives and drives, without a real destination in mind.

Which is why it’s a surprise when he finds himself parking in front of a cabin, right behind a black SUV with an Air Force decal on the back window.

He doesn't have to actually think too hard to realize that he's at Alex's place.

And it's a slightly terrifying thought to realize that he drove here automatically, like it was something he did all of the time without even thinking about it.

Michael's hand hovers over the keys and he debates whether or not to turn off the truck before Alex actually realizes that he's out there.

He's still not sure what to do when the only door that he can see opens up and out shoots a ball of brown and white fur.

Michael makes out that it's a beagle before the dog is jumping up and leaning against his door, barking up a happy storm as they try to get to Michael through the car door.

Michael sees Alex then as he calls out, “Buffy! Come on! Let Michael get out!”

Michael stares as he grabs the dog by the collar and tugs her backwards.

She goes willingly, and then leans against his side heavily, tail wagging furiously as she waits impatiently for Michael to get out.

Michael looks back to Alex who is looking out across the trees, the wind blowing through the trees rustling the loose comfortable clothes he’s wearing and his hair, the sun making the ends shine dark gold.

He looks comfortable and warm and like the most beautiful thing that Michael has ever seen in his life.

There is something about Alex that makes Michael’s stomach clench, and his heart race, and his palms sweat, and his brain misfire synapses.

He knows, objectively, what attraction is, he feels it when he looks at Maria, she’s a gorgeous woman with an amazing body and a fun personality. He can see what he saw in her.

But when it comes to Alex it's different, more.

And that terrifies him more than the thought that he might never get his memories back.

Michael could piece everything together. The fact that Rosa was a living breathing person and the fact that Max had died doing something dangerous hadn't escaped his notice.

He loved Liz that much, so much that he sacrificed himself to bring her sister back.

It scared him to think that someone could have that much power over him.

He thinks about putting the truck in reverse and leaving, but then Alex turns to look back at him, and Michael turns the truck off with a flick of his fingers, leaving the keys in the ignition as he opens the door and slides out of the truck.

The dog, Buffy, which was what Alex had called her, moves away from Alex and bounds over to Michael, who automatically drops to his knee to accept slobbery kisses all over his face.

He pets her, and it feels familiar, the way he lights up inside with a feeling a lot like love, but much warmer than anything he's ever felt before for anything or anyone.

He looks up to Alex, who has a small smile on his face as he stares at them.

"She missed you," he says, smile widening just marginally.

Michael pats her on the side and gets up to his feet slowly, "So I guess I spend a lot of time around here, then."

The smile falls from Alex's face, "You mean you still don't remember?"

He asks, completely shuttering down in a way that reminds Michael of how Maria backed away at the bar.

Michael just shakes his head.

Alex nods his head once, and then looks away, blinking a few times like he's processing that, before he turns back to Michael.

"Do you want something to drink?" He asks and then turns around to head back inside before Michael can even answer. He leaves  the door open behind him which is the only reason that Michael doesn't immediately get back into his truck.

He looks down to Buffy who shares a look with him like he should know why Alex is acting like that.

Michael just sighs and follows the same path as Alex just hightailed a few seconds earlier.

He steps one foot inside of the cabin and stills almost immediately.

He can hear Alex in the small kitchen area just out of sight, but that's not what makes him stall right at the entrance.

There was a sense of calm, almost like peaceful, that washed over him as soon as he stepped into the room.

He doesn't know if it's the smell of the place, like smoke and wood and pine and incense, the way it feels safe and warm, the way he feels at ease, at home for the first time since he woke up in a hospital room surrounded by strangers who seem to know him.

Michael's eyes skim over the decor, at the way it looks comfortable and warm, doing a double take when he sees the black cowboy hot sitting on top of the small dining room table.

He looks at the hat and tilts his head to the side. It does look familiar but Michael doesn't think that Alex is the type to wear a cowboy hat.

He steps the rest of the way inside and after making sure that Buffy is inside, closes the door with an absentminded gesture as he walks towards the table.

He picks up the hat and twirls it between his hands, looking up and into Alex's pensive eyes, mouth pursed like he was trying to figure out what exactly he was doing.

"Is this yours?" He asks, and Alex's face does that shuttering thing again where it seems like he's purging himself of all emotions, but his eyes are unhappy.

"No," he says shortly. "It's yours."

Michael looks back down at the hat in his hands and thinks that that makes much more sense.

He places the hat on his head and looks back up at Alex who is staring at him with an unfathomable expression.

He turns around before Michael can ask him how it looks.

The smell of coffee starts to fill the air, and Michael takes the hat off his head and places it back on the table before he walks around the table to lean against the other side.

“You told me that we’re friends,” Michael says and he sees how Alex tenses and knows that he’s paying attention, but Alex doesn’t turn to face him.

“But that’s not all that we are,” Michael is certain of that at least, especially after talking to Maria.

Alex still doesn’t turn to face him.

Michael crosses his arms and pushes harder, “It would explain why I could get here without even thinking about it, but had to ask for directions to get to the WIld Pony.”

Alex exhales roughly at that, setting something down a little too hard, and then he turns towards Michael, a mug of coffee in each hand.

He holds one out towards Michael, not stepping any closer.

Michael doesn’t move but he focuses his gaze on the mug and pulls. Alex lets the mug go easily, making a low noise in protest as the liquid sloshes a little too much and leaves behind a trail of drops.

Michael reaches for the mug which is hot in his hands, and studies it. The mug is black with what looks like the faded print of the emoji that has the cowboy hat. There is a chip on one side and the handle looks like it's been glued back on several times.

He looks back over to Alex, who is leaning back against the counter and sipping from his own mug that has the grumpy face emoji. He raises an eyebrow, and Alex just rolls his eyes a little.

“Rosa,” he says like that explains anything.

He doesn’t say anything else, so Michael takes a sip of his coffee, expecting, once again to hate it since he can’t seem to get it right, and apparently no one else knows.

It shouldn’t surprise him that Alex gets it exactly right.

He lowers the mug from his face and licks his lips, “You know how I take my coffee?”

Alex rolls his eyes again, sighing, “Yeah. You are in denial and think it takes less sugar. So obviously, even if you did remember, you wouldn’t get it right.”

Michael makes a face, “How much sugar is in this?”

Alex just hums noncommittally and takes a sip of his own coffee. 

Michael takes another sip of his coffee and just stares at Alex, who is looking out of the window and pretending not to notice, so Michael doesn’t bother to hide it.

He takes Alex in from the top of his head, dark hair still messy and pushed away from his forehead, the setting sunlight shining through the window making his eyes seem almost green, the length of his nose and the curve of his mouth, how his chest expanded as he breathed in and how the sleeves the short sleeved grey shirt he was wearing were straining against the muscles of his arms, the shape and length of his fingers wrapped around the coffee mug, the shape of his thighs, the way that Michael can tell that he must’ve put his prosthetic on in a hurry, all the way down to his sneakered feet and then back up.

Alex stays perfectly still, allowing the scrutiny and only moving to sip from his mug of coffee.

After a second, Alex turns to face him, mouth open, to say or ask something, but he stops short, staring at Michael with big eyes, almost like he wasn’t expecting Michael to be staring at him, when Michael knows that there is no way that he couldn’t tell.

Michael can’t even bring himself to look away right now that he’s caught. He still stares at Alex, eyes dropping to his mouth as Alex, licks his lips.

Alex inhales sharply, and Michael feels like if he steps closer and crowds Alex back into the counter that he would let him. He feels a need, visceral and sharp in the pit of his stomach to cross the space between them and fit their mouths together. He doesn’t remember kissing anyone, but he has a feeling that kissing Alex would ruin him for everyone else.

“Stop it,” Alex demands, sudden and sharp, and Michael startles a little, eyes darting up to his eyes.

Alex looks a little distraught, like he’s in pain, and his fingers are white around his coffee mug like he’s holding on too tightly.

“Stop what?” Michael asks feeling like he missed a step somewhere, but they haven’t even been talking.

“Stop looking at me like that,” he says, giving Michael a look like he can’t believe that he has to explain this to Michael.

“Like what?” Michael asks back, feeling even more confused.

Alex sighs shaking his head and smiles a little self deprecating, “Like you never look away.”

Michael inhales sharply and he can feel the mug falling through his numb fingers, but it’s almost like a bomb went off right inside of his head, and it sends him reeling, unable to find steady ground.

He gets lost in the memories, going from Alex, who is staring at him, heaving breaths, button down shirt open all the way, a fading handprint right in the center of his chest as Michael says, I never look away, and I’m going to prove it to you before he runs out of the cabin and into the rain, him turning and looking straight at Alex who looks a little startled at the eye contact, but softens a little in his gaze a soft smile on his face, before someone waves a hand in front of his face attracting his attention, the blaring sound of an alarm, a desperate feeling deep in the pit of his stomach and Alex heaving as he says, I don’t look away, Guerin and the paralyzing fear that fills Michael at the words, Michael shaking his head as he looks at Alex, not believing that he could actually say something so stupid, I never look away, not really, Isobel shaking her head at him incredulously, Is there really no one that you would risk everything to save? and then Alex’s eyes as Michael turns and looks right at him, Michael darting his eyes over to look at Alex even though he’s got a beautiful woman right in front of him, trying to keep his attention, Michael shouting in Alex’s face, I don’t care about that! I care about you, and then Michael staring at Alex, feeling vulnerable and seen for the first time in his life, And never with someone that I like, as much as I like you.

And just like that, every single thing falls back into place.

Michael remembers everything, vaguely, but most importantly, he remembers what happened with Alex that made him start acting strange.

Alex had died, and Michael had saved him.

Michael had saved him and realized that he was wasting time.

They could die at any moment and he was wasting time because he knew exactly what it was that he wanted, and he was tired of denying it because it would complicate things once again.

He hadn’t known how to tell Maria, so her giving him an ultimatum had been a godsend. He still needed to have an actual conversation with her, now that he knew exactly what it was that he was going to tell her that night, but at the moment he feels a little bit like his head is in too much of a mess to be any good to anyone.

“Guerin! Come on,” he hears Alex saying and finally feels the way that there are hands pressing against his chest, shaking him.

His eyes flutter open, and he sees Alex, leaning over him, eyes wide and wet and worried as he stares, inhaling deeply when he sees that Michael’s eyes are open. “Are you okay, Guerin?”

Michael just stares at him, and he remembers coming to see Alex that night, remembers how Alex had let him in, and how he’d unbuttoned his shirt to show him the fading handprint, and how he’d said that he could feel everything that Michael felt, and how it hurt so much to know just how much Michael loved him, still loved him, and yet it didn’t seem to matter.

Michael remembers telling him that it was the only thing that mattered, that he never looks away, and that he’s going to prove it, and then calling Maria as he got in the truck so that he could make things clear between them immediately so that he could ask Alex if they could try again.

He remembers how the only thought that was in his head as he drove through the rain was that after this things were going to be different. He just hadn’t realized how right he would be.

“Yeah,” he says, and he doesn’t know how Alex seems to know, because he inhales sharply and looks at Michael with eyes too full of hope and longing. “Better now.”

Alex exhales carefully, and settles back down on his heels, hands still pressed to Michael’s chest, “Good.”

Michael looks at Alex and remembers thinking that there was something about him that was different from the others, something that Michael couldn’t exactly put his finger on it, and now staring at him as he lets Buffy move forward and nose against the side of Michael’s face, he realizes what it is.

Alex is different because he’s Michael’s person. He doesn’t really need to know anything else.

He moves then, sitting up and moving into Alex’s space, fitting his hands around the back of Alex’s neck and swallowing hard.

Alex doesn’t even seem to be breathing as he stares at Michael, seemingly waiting. The moment feels tense with anticipation, and Michael stretches it out a little, licking his lips and leaning in a bit closer.

“I didn’t, by the way,” he whispers, and Alex’s brow furrows like he doesn’t understand.

Michael leans in even closer, pressing their foreheads together and inhaling carefully as Alex exhales shakily.

“Look away,” he clarifies, and Alex seems to go even more still against him. “I never did.”

Alex just shakes his head closing his eyes, lips pressing together like he’s stopping himself from speaking, but it’s okay, Michael knows exactly what language Alex speaks.

He moves in closer, noses brushing, and Alex inhales sharply again, and Michael tilts his chin forward and kisses him, softly.

Alex shudders against him, making a low sound, almost like a sob at the back of his throat and he pushes in even closer, fingers dragging up the back of Michael’s neck and into his hair as he parts their lips and licks into Michael’s mouth, deepening the kiss and taking full control, and making sparks go off in Michael’s head, down the back of his neck to the tips of his fingers and toes, making him feel warm and heavy and hungry and desperate, almost like it’s been forever, because it has been.

Michael makes a low sound at the back of his throat, a whimper that makes Alex push and push until Michael is lying back against the floor again.

Michael wraps his arms around Alex’s shoulders and loses himself in the kiss, thinking that he’d been right, Alex has already ruined him for anyone else. And he’s more than okay with that.

[skamamoroma]

REWATCH: Skam Italia s4 - Episode 5

Ah the inevitable Episode 5...! Shit always goes south. It’s Skam! The fact that Sana can’t concentrate just after she has said to Malik that prayer, for her, provides focus. He is affecting that for her. It’s not his fault but to hear her dad so dismissive of Malik just adds to the pressure. It’s from every angle now and that text off Malik just confirms to her that she can’t. I like that she messaged him first and asked for him to respect her choices... but my heart breaks for her. That denial of her true feelings.

I hadn’t realised how much I’d missed Ele until she appeared on screen. FEMININE ALPHA. Edo, I miss him too! I love that Sana and Ele still have their chats and I think her lack of presence was felt because she is always slightly more on Sana’s wavelength, a little more mature than the others and I loved that she could give some advice from a distance. Sana immediately opened with “I’m bummed out” and opened up.

I LOVE that Sana got accepted after her exam. She’s so dedicated! 🔥🔥🔥

Her talk with Rami is just so precious. They care. The way Rami looks out for her and yeah he might be a bit of a douche sometimes with his jokes but he wants the best for her. The way he teases her but then tells her he wants to see her respected. He’s such a BROTHER and I don’t even have siblings but I know a good brother when I see one!

THE EIGHTIES STYLE DRESSING UP MONTAGE. How bloody cute! Sana is so adorable dancing in front of her mirror in her sparkly dress. She looks all lit up inside and has this new found positivity that maybe she can decide for herself and forge her own path. A little bit of hope after weeks of feeling down trodden... seeing her swirling so happily made my heart soar

And then the party happened 😂 genuinely don’t remember feeling THIS devestated in the original. The end of this episode made me cry.

I love that we get to see little moments this season of random dynamics like Gio, Sylvia, Elia and Sana having a chat about their band...! The fact Sana is so preoccupied with Rami, Elia is looking at her all weird because he likes her and all the while Luchi is going insane on a sofa 😂 this is why I love this show and Ludo’s influence. He keeps them all perfectly in character even in the background.

Can we take a moment and recognise Fede for how BEAUTIFUL she looked! Her space buns and sparkly jacket. Total babe! I love that they had their little chat and we got to see Sana wondering why Fede ever spoke to her. So interesting that we find out so much more later on.

I love that Ludo made all of these moments make much more sense than they ever did in the original. Malik thought that Sana was interested in Elia and after blocking him... no wonder he put two and two together! He looked like such a kicked puppy though 🥺

Whoever decided to have a SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW remix playing is my new hero. Cheesy and genius.

The biggest elephant in the room is Marti and Nico and the total meltdown. I’ve already made posts on this but Marti is a complex soul. He isn’t all sweetness and light but he’s also a LOT of that too. The end of s2 framed Nico as Marti’s family; that’s how he considers Nico. He walked away from his father’s home and chose his mamma, his friends and Nico as the family he wants and feels a part of. Being left behind is a major issue for him. We know how he feels about Nico and how much he loves him, how happy they are with each other but, above all, how comfortable. They always have been settled and just always sharing this connection that was there from the start. They were so open with each other at the end of s2 with so much and they created this real intention to be open and to take each day as it comes. But life doesn’t always work that way. Nico is someone who loves with his whole heart. He’s exceptionally sweet and adoring. He sees Marti with eyes so full of love for who Marti is and nothing else. He feels listened to, cared for and told Marti he fell in love and has never felt that way before. He’s also vulnerable and has been mistreated in the past by those professing to love him. He has been spoken for, dismissed and has felt trapped. The whole Last Man metaphor was even an escape for him and he took Marti with him. Now? He has a secret he doesn’t want Marti to know about because he didn’t want anything bad to come of it and worried it would cause issues. I think Nico worries about losing Marti quite a bit. The presence of Luai is a reminder of his past that wasn’t too positive, a reminder of who he used to be but ALSO of what he has. He has Marti but all of the things that came with meeting Marti like the boys, the whole group of friends who love him too. He risks losing it all because he lied. I understand him. It’s up to Nico to decide when to share his past. It doesn’t mean he can switch off the way he cares for people though and when Luai saw him, that could never be mistaken. Nico clearly hasn’t seen him since and I don’t think anyone could blame Nico for being stunned.

But Marti doesn’t know a thing. He knows Nico is keeping something from him and he sees Nico staring at another guy who is handsome... and then he walks away from Marti. Now, Marti is not a rational soul at times. I wouldn’t have presumed he’d react so quickly but I think it’s much more telling the way it evolves here that there’s something much more focused on Nico and Luai than there was with Even and Mikael. In the og it was more about Even’s attempt at his life. Here, it’s more about a previous relationship and it’s framed that way so Marti feels threatened. It kills me because just mere seconds before they’re dancing and smiling and Marti even agrees to stay on a dance floor for Nico. They kiss so close and cuddly and Nico looks so so happy, grinning like a fool at Marti’s smiles and his dorky dancing.

I just think it triggered this fight or flight response in Marti. To consider even for a second losing Nico is just something fundamentally not ok for him. Marti is also someone who acts before he thinks - we’ve seen this before multiple times. He also has a temper and when he feels cornered, he lashes out. Marti is obviously an idiot here. His actions can never be excused because he doesn’t ask, he acts and every moment of it is out of fear of loss it seems. That intense worry that Nico is becoming distant, is lying to him and could have something with someone else... Nico’s actions in the past are always going to have to come to light and the fact that Marti clearly has that one worry left just kills me. They’re so great for each other but they’re also both so complex and difficult and also both full of contradictions and struggles. Neither of them are perfect but when they’re together things are just so settled and calm...

Watching Sana run to them and seeing the two parts of her life colliding like that is painful. She loves both. So much. The way she touches Marti’s face 😭. All around Marti, as expected, are his boys and CHRIST Elia is scary when he wants to be! Gio being there OBVIOUSLY right beside Marti. Nico trying to stop it all and still focusing on Marti even though he was a total IDIOT. For Nico, that all must have been so painful. But he’s still there checking Marti is ok. MARTINO RAMETTA. I just wanted to shake him. I love him so so much but in that moment, even Gio’s words were filled with “come on, you idiot, what the fuck are you doing, I don’t understand you”. I also love that La Rosa squad were so protective of their Luai. They are good boys.

For me, I cried for Sana. The way she burrowed her way into the middle of that scary fight when she’s pretty tiny in height and screamed for them to stop. She sounded strangled and afraid and then when she was left alone with blood on her hands and she couldn’t breathe for crying... it hurt. It’s the fact that she was left alone. Then to go back inside to be trapped in a toilet with sounds of betrayal coming through the walls and to see the boy that makes her smile kissing someone else... the pretty Italian NON MUSLIM girl just like her worries. My heart broke for her and I just felt desperately sad. Ludo managed to make me feel so connected with her and here I was a little unsure if I would have that because I didn’t connect to Sana as much early on. Now? I hold her so dear. I was even ok with seeing Marti and Nico and Gio and everyone walk away because I was focused on her being ok!

I love that from this point, things change quite massively from the original! Up to episode 5 things were kind of mapping the og but Epiaode 5 was a total game changer.

[catalinaroleplay]

Gender & Pronouns: Cis woman, she/her

Date of Birth: June 25th, 1992 (28)

Place of Birth: Catalina Island, California

Neighborhood: Ventura

Length of Residency: Native — Returned September 2019

Occupation: Live-in Nanny

Face Claim: Elizabeth Lail

BIOGRAPHY

TRIGGERS: Alcoholism, Domestic Violence, Abandonment.

Born and raised in Catalina, at least for the most part, Lydia is the oldest of three sisters. It is hard to say what made her parents choose to have a family at all since their marriage was rocky at best by the time Lydia came into the picture, and even worse by the time they had twin girls about three years later.

The family didn’t live comfortably by any means. Their house was worn out and passed down to her father by his father once he had died. There was food on the table, but the quality was doubtful. Her mother worked as a waitress, her father as a gas station clerk, and most of the money he earned was quickly turned into alcohol at the sleaziest bar he could find. He was an angry man, her father, angry about how life had been unfair to him, angry because his father spent a lifetime being angry with him, angry because his wife could not stop popping more mouths to feed when they shouldn’t have one to begin with. In his anger, he turned to the one thing that made him explosive and the nights in that house were hell. He would aim his violence on whoever was available, be it Lydia, her sisters or their mother. Their mother had long turned into a silent woman, she never stood up for Lydia and Lydia in return needed to stand up for her sisters. She doesn’t know how many times she hid them under the house, or locked their room and took their father’s anger instead.

A long time passed with life repeating its cycle. Lydia found solace in school and while she really just wanted to stay there, she knew she couldn’t. She didn’t feel for her mother, their relationship being non-existent practically since birth, but it was clear that she loved her twin daughters. They reminded her so much of herself, out of the three of them, only Lydia had inherited their father’s blonde hair, maybe the reason why her mother couldn’t love her, she reminded her too much of the unprovoked violence that man instilled upon them. Perhaps that’s the reason why, on a winter night, she had left their home carrying only the twin girls. Lydia remembers crying, begging to go with her, and remembers her mother telling her that she needs to stay to take care of her father. Lydia was only 12 years old at the time, and knew that running away from home would do her no good.

She would swallow and take every hit the man aimed at her, but without the twin girls to protect, Lydia thought that she could take care of herself too. She started spending more time at school, she stayed there until someone told her to leave, she prayed every night for her father to asleep by the time she arrived home and at the great amount of times, he was, she would cover him, kiss his forehead, because in his slumber, he wasn’t an angry man and he almost looked like the father she so desperately wanted. Despite every bit of chance life gave her to derail, Lydia chose to focus on running from that place, she dreamed about being away from Catalina, somewhere else, anywhere else really. She took odd jobs at the local establishments and was laughed at at school, or when the kids rolled around to be kids. She wasn’t popular by any means, no wanted the poor girl on their side, so she took the time she would spend making friends with people she wouldn’t remember and focused on getting out, on studying and maybe going to a place better, being a better person and being able to afford for the things she couldn’t.

In attempts to find her mother and her sisters Lydia would hit several dead ends, she would wonder if the woman changed names, or if she would ever return for her. It never happened. On Lydia’s graduation day, she had no family there to be proud of her, to give her a standing ovation when she took the diploma in her hands, only herself and some teachers who offered help along the way, including one of them who would arrive at the school earlier for her to shower when there was no heat in her house in winters.

When she told her father she had been accepted into NYU, he had yelled at her, asked her who would take care of him then. The alcohol and the anger had taken a toll on his body and by the time Lydia left he was trying to be a good person, trying to be a good father. No use. She packed her bag and went away, what little money she had saved during that whole time went into covering part of the tuition, she would deal with the rest, she felt like there was nothing in life she wasn’t prepared for.

In her first year in New York, Lydia would learn how unforgiving the city was, especially in contrast to the warmth of the island. New York was cold, damp and cruel, and she was too young and perhaps too wide-eyed for city living, especially a city that size. Still, she would learn, she had been a great learner her entire life. Her family and her hometown were on the back of her head, she needed to take care of her. It was her only job. Lydia would get a job at the local Starbucks and decide that she would eventually see what she wanted to do. Helping children in the same situation as she used to be crossed her mind, but on the first creative writing lesson she had, Lydia fell in love with words again.

It was nice to be recognized, receiving praise was something she was not used to. She was dedicated, smart, she knew what she had to lose and that made her determined. The praise became something regular, she did a good job. Teachers started asking if she had ever thought about being a writer, she didn’t, whatever she had done, especially outside of assignments, was deeply personal. One of her teachers asked if she wanted to submit a piece for a contest, she was printed in Time magazine. However, even with the praise and knowing she was doing a good job, it was hard to scare away the old ghosts. The voices in her head that made her feel inept. Besides, she didn’t have time to write, she needed to work. Paying for housing, tuition, food, and the occasional leisure, was not easy, but she had a life in New York now, she had friends, she had a future and it didn’t take long before she had a boyfriend.

Almost in a natural course of life, Lydia saw herself with someone who could be the spitting personality of her father. Someone who alienated her into believing she would never be someone unless she had him. Someone in a position of power, not only in their relationship, but in life. An editor. Someone who made Lydia believe she would never be anyone without him, someone who had her so tight in the palm of his hand it barely left time for her to breathe. He would take her in after she graduated, a diploma in English Literature, options for work in publishing houses, but she ended up with him. During the five years of her life Lydia endured in this relationship, she would become pregnant, she was 25, and too young. She knew what children had caused to her parents relationship, but the same day she went into the clinic to get an abortion, she ran away from him. She would stay a while at a friend’s house, sleeping on their couch, figuring out her next step, healing her wounds. She’d get a restraining order from the man, but she never felt safe in New York again.

Still owing money from her tuition, with no place to live and nowhere to turn to, Lydia ends up at Holliday Carlson’s door, responding to an ad for a live-in nanny position. The payment and the fact that she would be dealing with a fatherless boy make her stay, and for once she can see her life get back to track again. This is a job she’s good at and if she really wants to, she can write again, there is time to write. She lives with them for the duration of their time in New York, but doesn’t want to leave at first when Holliday wants a return to Catalina Island. She’s not sure she’s ready to dig up her ghosts, however, as she was ready to turn down Holly’s invitation, she receives a call from the hospital, her father was committed, she was his emergency number and only registered child, apparently. That way she returns home in late 2019 with Holly and her son.

After being 10 years away, her return almost takes her breath away. Lydia foregoes writing for now, having to assume a caretaker position, for her cirrhotic father, in the hospital waiting for a liver transplant she cannot help him with, and to Declan. Whatever time she has in between Lydia has used to establish connections, rekindle with people she hasn’t seen in a while. She still doesn’t know where her mother is, and she suspects she never will, but it doesn’t mean she’s going to stop looking.

PERSONALITY

Positive: Determined | Ambitious | Charming

Negative: Careless | Resentful | Indecisive

Lydia Beckett is portrayed by Rosa.

[ofmargos]

chicago’s very own margo rosas has been spotted on madison avenue driving a mercedes-AMG G65 , welcome ! your resemblance to camila mendes is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-third birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re distrusting , but being passionate might help you . i think being a scorpio explains that . 3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be lipstick stained kisses on mirrors , doing vocal warm-ups five minutes before top of show , popping bottles of bubbly to celebrate buying a new pair of shoes . ( my biological dad paid off my mom to keep my relation to him a secret ) & ( cis-female + she / her  ) +  (  lia , 20 , she / her , cst )

whAT is up my dudes ! i’m lia & i lowkey missed wealthy & writing for my bbygirl margo so i’m rlly excited to be here !!!! if you know her from before i’m sorry lmao i’ve tweaked her background a bit but everything else is p much the same ig ?? she’s fun , she’s a dumbitch , & she’s here to make things harder than they need to be probs . but if you wanna know more , i wrote a novel below so plz enjoy that . if you wanna plot then LIKE THIS & i’ll slide in your im’s.or if you prefer discord hmu @  𝐛𝐛𝐧𝐨$𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥#1904. i look forward to writing with y’all ! <3

S T A T S ↴

-- * FULL NAME : margaret lucia rosas -- NICKNAME(S) : margo ( preferred name , started introducing herself to people as “margo” back in like the 7th or 8th grade ??? who’s margaret ? we don’t know her ) , mar , mars -- * AGE : twenty-three -- * D.O.B : october 31 -- * ZODIAC : scorpio -- * GENDER : cis-female --* ORIENTATION : heterosexual heteroromantic -- * HEIGHT : 5′2″ -- * NATIONALITY : american -- * BIRTHPLACE : chicago , illinois -- * OCCUPATION : broadway performer -- * TRAITS : passionate , creative , dramatic , distrusting , outgoing , ambitious , fun-loving , loyal , daring , sarcastic , stubborn , overconfident , impulsive , hard-working , petty , secretive lowkey

B I O G R A P H Y ↴

( TW : BRIEF MENTIONS OF ABORTION, ALCOHOLISM, AND DRUG USE )

   first things first , i’m just going to say it-- margo was an accident . and her story begins with her mother , stassia , who was born and raised on the wrong side of the tracks in chicago , illinois . although she was born into poverty , she had big aspirations for herself and wanted a better lifestyle . her ambition and work ethic were unmatched , and that’s how she managed to get into columbia university ( thank you scholariship $$ ). stassia was in the middle of struggling through her college years when she met her future baby daddy . he was older , going through grad school , and the sole heir to a billion-dollar company . the sparks between them flew instantly despite their differences and they messed around for the better part of a year before the unexpected happened . stassia found herself taking a pregnancy test in the bathroom in between finals ( #justcollegethings , amirite ) and swore she was going to pass out when she noticed the double lines . and let’s just say that her baby daddy did NOT take the news well . a lot of horrible things were said that day . too many hurt feelings for the relationship ( that apparently was never that serious to homeboy ) to carry on . ( TRIGGER WARNING !!! ) so he cut all ties with stassia-- but not before giving her a crazy proposition : get an abortion and never talk to him again OR keep the baby but tell absolutely no one it’s his and never talk to him again . they both seemed like shitty options to stassia , who was actually tragically in love w him , but when he even offered to PAY HER a hefty sum ( i’m talking millions of dollars ) to keep the secret .. well-- it seemed like a blessing in disguise . she’d finally have the funds to live the life she always wanted . even if there was now a baby she didn’t plan for in the mix . so she took the hush money , had the baby in secret , and ran off to completely reinvented herself . ( TRIGGER WARNING END )

    although margo’s mother was born into poverty , margo certainly was not . by the time she was born , margo’s mom was ramping up to graduate college and join the high society in the heart of chicago . she got a good job , a lavish place to live , and never told margo about her past . margo grew up completely disconnected from her mother’s side of the family and had no idea of the lies she was being fed over the years . early on in margo’s childhood , her mother met a man through work who she would later go on to marry . that man is the only dad that margo has ever known . he and his daughter were a welcomed addition to their little family , making margo’s home life feel complete in some way . she was provided a good life with the dual income adding to the millions her mother kept . the life her mother always wished she had growing up . in a way , everything she did was for margo . she never wanted her babygirl to struggle like she had to .

   as she got older , margo went to all the best schools but only made average grades . she was never too concerned with academics and instead focused on her poppin’ social life and extracurriculars . during her middle school days , she developed an affinity for the performing arts . when everyone had to pick an elective , margo found herself in the theatre class and absolutely loving it . and she was good too . she had excellent stage presence and took every role she got in school productions in stride -- literally the best tree number 3 you’ve ever seen in your life . as she moved on to high school , she rose in the ranks of the theatre department until she was pretty much landing every single lead by the time she was an upperclassmen . acting was her passion , and she figured why not turn being dramatic and talking a lot ( her two most notable personality traits ) into a career . to really hone the craft , she trained herself to be a triple threat : actor , singer , and dancer ( sutton foster , eat your heart out ) . honestly truly had rachel berry in early seasons of glee vibes-- she knew she was the best around and wouldn’t stand to let anyone take the spotlight from her . her peers hated to love her talents because she acted like such a bitch to them offstage / out of character . not that margo really cared for what others thought of her anyway . self absorbed as ever , she told herself she didn’t need friends and generally pushed away any one that dared try to get close to her-- save for her sister . though somehow , someway she managed to get sucked into a small group of friends that would change her for the better ( s/o to ky and gio , sorry they had to put up w bitchy hs margo , rip )

   after graduating somewhere in the middle of her class , margo followed in her mother’s footsteps and went to columbia university . she was really only able to get in because she was a legacy and her parents made a considerable donation to the school , but we don’t talk about it . and to say that margo’s college years were transformative feels like an understatement . on one hand , they were some of the best years of her life : she got a true taste of independence , met some of her best friends ( s/o oliver and claudia ), and felt fulfilled to be in the city she had romanticized for so long-- new york baby ! but it was also a very low point for her . back in her high school years , she felt like a very big fish in a teeny tiny pond . she was hot shit , the top dog in her department , and all her hard work and effort to remain leading lady had paid off . however , at columbia she was just one in hundreds of talented people . some with more or less talent , or more or less connections , but they deserved a shot at fame just as much as she did . margo felt like she was fighting for her chance in the spotlight every single day and it was both parts exhausting and humbling for her . she had a amy march mentality “i want to be great, or nothing” and considered throwing in the towel . temporarily thrown off by the pressure to be successful , she took a small tumble from grace . ( TRIGGER WARNING !!! ) turning towards alcohol was her coping mechanism of choice . losing herself in the party scene and surrounding herself with other people that prioritized getting drunk or high over going to class and getting good grades had an obvious effect on her academic performance . ( END TRIGGER WARNING ) she almost lost her place in the BFA Theatre Program during her junior year due being on academic probation . it took a little bit of intervention on her close friends and family part to get margo clean and pull herself together . but by her senior year , she got back on track to graduate on time and participated in various shows at local theaters to build her resume . after almost losing everything she had ever worked for , a fire was lit under margo that had her determined to push herself hard than ever before and make a name for herself in the theatre world . 

   after she graduated from columbia she moved to new york permanently so that she could fully submerge herself in her work . not long after graduating , she was lucky enough to book several gigs including her big breakout role as lydia in beetlejuice the musical ! it really skyrocketed her into broadway stardom which is cool . a life long dream that once seemed unobtainable was suddenly a reality and she couldn’t have been more elated . with her sudden ( and well deserved ) success , she got a lot of media attention . soon she was getting verified on twitter , instagram , gaining a whole bunch of followers , and getting asked to be on talkshows and stuff to promote the show . honestly , truly a dream ! but her new-found fame gained the attention of another group of people .. her mom’s long lost family . one of her aunt’s ( that she previously didn’t know existed ) reached out to her through social media . and at first , margo honestly couldn’t believe that she had family that her mom never told her about . but after some thought it sort of made sense . in hindsight , her mom had always been evasive whenever margo asked about the other’s childhood or her side of the family .

   when margo told her mom about her aunt reaching out and how she wanted to meet her , her mom shut it down quick . stassia told her there were a lot of reasons that she didn’t talk to that side of the family and that was that-- PERIODT . but margo was #rebellious and went to meet with her aunt anyway . and that’s how she found out about her brazilian roots and her big ol’ loving and supportive extended family . that whole experience made margo reconsider what other things her mom was keeping from her . and boy oh boy was that a rabbit hole she shouldn’t have gone down . when margo started to demand her mother tell her the truth , it caused their relationship to grow tense . stassia eventually cracked and told her about her bio-dad and all the things she went through for margo . with the truth finally being exposed to her , margo started seeing things in a new light . like her whole life is kinda a lie and why didn’t her father want her ? where was he ? does he know who she is ? why did he never try to contact her ? has she ever walked past him in the streets and never knew ? it was all too much for her to think about so she just kinda ... shut it all out . she acted like nothing was different , even if her “ what if ” thoughts keep her up most nights . 

   if you just ignore the abandonment issues , insecurities , and her inability to handle emotions and focus solely on her success in material terms : margo’s doing really well ! she’s been living in new york full time for two (2) years now . she’s one of broadway’s most popular rising stars . having completed her run as the original lydia deetz on broadway , she’s moved on to take on the mantel of janis in mean girls on broadway . she’s learning , growing , and thriving . just trying to have a good time all the time with her friends and live the dream , baby !

P E R S O N A L I T Y  &  F U N  F A C T S ↴

margo is super fun-loving and down to clown 

will try anything once and it’s gotten her in trouble more times than she can count

also cannot stand to be bored , so she’s always looking for the next big adventure 

although she can be really ridiculous sometimes , she’s very serious when it comes to her work . she’s super hard-working and doesn’t let anything or anyone stand in the way of achieving her dreams : even herself

margo’s a very sociable girl and will talk to anyone and everyone . she’s the type that will hold a conversation for 2hrs with a stranger at a party and then when you ask her “who was that” she’s like “i don’t remember their name but i do know their entire life story so that’s cool”

has a way of making people feel like they know her really well when really she’s only letting them see 1/8th of her

keeps her personal life private normally unless you’re super good friends w her

i wouldn’t recommend pissing her off , bc she is petty as a mf and will lit rally never forget how one’s wronged her . this causes her to start fights sometimes . she’ll just bring up old shit out of no where and , since she’s nosy af , she makes everything her business and confronts people on their bs

she’s a whole liar bc she claims she’s a “retired party girl” but really party girl margo has never stopped , will never stop , can never be stopped

studied theatre in college but minored in mass communications just in case she needed a backup job

is v bad at being an adult !!!! like ... can’t cook , often forgets about her responsibilities until the last minute or needs to be reminded like 20 times , stills calls her parents to be like “how do u use a washing machine plz help” , y’know the drill . yet somehow she manages to act as a mom friend to the people that are closest to her ??? v much a “do as i say not as i do” type of hypocrite lol

she has a tiktok and posts dumb shit on there all the time w her friends and like vlogs her backstage experiences in the theater and does the stupid dances and all that stuff hehe

is learning portuguese after meeting the brazilian side of her family

self-proclaimed dancing queen and it’s not because she learned ballet , jazz , and tap whole dabbling in other styles but because when she’s drunk you will in fact catch her dancing on tables !!!!!

i cannot stress enough how bad she is at dealing with her own feelings . like ... instead of dealing with them head on she just ... shuts down . runs away . will ghost on someone she really likes just bc she’d rather leave first than get left and i hate her for it

have i mentioned how big her ego is ???? pHEW . she rides a v fine line between self confident and OVER confident . but tbh it’s just a cover up for how much she rlly hates herself , there i said it

loyalty is EVERYTHING to margo . if you got her back , she’s got your back . but if you screw her over or mess with anyone she loves then she’ll likely try to make your life a living hell IM SORRY

undiagnosed insomniac . nights she spends alone in her own bed are the hardest for her because it’s when all the bad scary thoughts creep up on her and no matter how much she wants to shut them out and just close her eyes and fall to sleep , she can’t . so she’ll often roam the city looking for a distraction or hit up her friends and bother them for some spare company

she’s doesn’t like to be alone ( not like in a romantic relationship sense -- she actually likes being single bc she’s afraid of letting ppl get close enough to hurt her ). hence why she’s always had a roommate even after she moved out of her parent’s house . if she’s not attached to her roommate / best friend kylie’s hip then she’s definitely hitting up her sister or her other friends to see if they want to hang out , even if hanging out is laying around doing nothing or running errands together . margo wants to tag along just for the company

notoriously known for coming up with terrible ideas or following through with other people’s terrible ideas without question bc #YOLO

she’s her pr agents worse nightmare simply bc she has no filter and will not change herself or what she posts just bc she has a big audience ( follow margo on social media and you’re gonna see the good , the bad , and the ugly she does not give a FUCK )

always has good intentions ! her execution / way of showing those intentions is just poor !

she is a rich girl that could not survive not being rich and doesn’t even realize how spoiled she is . spends money like it’s nothing

a mob boss ( this is a joke but also kinda not a joke )

WANTED CONNECTION PAGES HERE 

[babygirlizz]

Movies and TV shows of 2019

Okay so a couple or few years ago I did a review of movies that had released that year because I was super into movies that year. I am still into movies, but I have been watching a lot more shows this year. So, I will be reviewing movies and tv shows. Furthermore, I will be including stuff released this year, that I found this year, or that has a new season this year. Basically just anything that I have loved this year. Also, I don’t feel like ranking, so no particular order. Also, SPOILERS AHEAD - if you see a title of something you have not seen, and don’t want spoilers, please feel free to skip that section. Also, some of these I haven’t seen in a hot minute so if I get a detail messed up, we won’t speak on it. And finally, trigger warning - if you have struggled with sexual assault and may have an issue reading about it, either skip this post entirely or skip over the review of “Unbelievable.”

MOVIES -

1. After

I have been waiting for this since middle school. I read the after books on wattpad because what teenager in love with harry styles didn’t. Now I will be real with y'all. The acting could use some work in specific scenes, and some of the actors aren't MY favorite picks for certain roles, but I’m not gonna hate on actors. Ok so, Tessa (Josephine Langford) is an incoming freshman in college and is rooming with an upperclassmen, Steph (Khadijha Red Thunder) who has a friend named Hardin (Hero Fiennes-Tiffin). Steph wants Tessa to branch out and do new things, so she invites her to a party, where they play the stereotypical games, and thats when Hardin is kind of dared to make Tessa fall in love with him. ALSO, Tessa has a high school boyfriend named Noah (Dylan Arnold). She starts seeing Hardin, her boyfriend finds out, she falls in love with Hardin, and finds out it was all a dare. Buuuuuuut, pLoT tWiSt he actually loves her.

2. Avengers: Endgame

Ok listen, Infinity War was heartbreaking bc Bucky duh, but y'all are really gonna take Tony (RDJ) and Steve (Chris Evans) away from me? Shut up. Still, this was a really good movie and I’m not just saying that because I’m a marvel hoe. FRICK Thanos and thats on Ant Man. Thats literally all I have to say.

3. Annabelle Comes Home

I am a whore for scary movies. I love them so much and this one was *chefs kiss*. I love Mckenna Grace, she's such a good young actress and she fits so well in scary moves. There’s not much to say about the plot in this one, and ya really need to see it. Also, Bob (Michael Cimino) is so heckin cute what the heck.

4. Let It Snow

Ok this is a lot to unpack so grab ya snacks. Let’s talk about couple number 1 (of 3), Tobin (Mitchell Hope) and Angie (Kiernan Shipka) who are best friends. Tobin is in love with Angie but doesn’t know how to tell her, and gets lots of unwanted encouragement from his best friend Keon (Jacob Batalon) who just wants to throw a heckin good party, is that too much to ask for? So Angie gets invited to a party by some cute guy, JP (M and Tobin is jealous but goes with her anyways and they steal a keg for Keon’s party and run from the scary hosts of the party and end up stranded in a church after his car spins out of control. They finally make it to the party and kiss on the roof with the waffle town sign shining bright behind them. NEXT - we have Julie (Isabela Merced) and Stuart (Shameik Moore). This is kind of really cliche with the whole “he’s-famous-she-doesn’t-care-he-finds-that-attractive-lets-fall-in-love” aspect, but its also hella cute uwu. They meet on a train and the train stops so they go eat at the waffle town and go sledding and do a bunch of cute coupley shit. His manager comes to get him and basically tells her that nothing will ever really happen between them and he leaves. Then, he shows up at the party and they fall in love. NEXT- we have Dorrie (Liv Hewson) who is a lesbian that constantly struggles with the gay panic. Her best friend Addie (Odeya Rush) doesn't help much either because she's having her own relationship problems. Dorrie works at Waffle Town and when she's working the girl she's talking to, Kerry (Anna Akana) comes in with her dance team, and she's not out of the closet. A bunch of shit goes down, but they end up together and Dorrie learns that she’s worth more than she thinks and that’s all that matters. Also, Billy (Miles Robbins) and Tin Foil Woman (Joan Cusack) make wonderful additions to this movie.

5. The King

First of all - Timothée Chalamet and Robert Pattinson in the same movie? Sign me the HECK up. But they’re also historical, frick yea. Not too much to say about this movie other than it’s good. Super graphic (don’t watch if you don’t like decapitation lol) and super long, but good nonetheless.

6. Falling Inn Love

This movie is super freaking cute. Gabriela (Christina Milian) decides that she needs a change and enters a contest to win an Inn in New Zealand. She wins the Inn and is shocked when she realizes the Inn needs a LOT of work. She goes around town to get stuff to fix up the Inn and constantly runs into Jake (Adam Demos) and they have this flirty but we don’t like each other relationship, but then ya know, they fall in(n) love. 

SHOWS -

1. The Society

I could talk about this show for hours, literally. I love it so much it’s insane. Ok, so lets start from the beginning. A town called West Ham is being plagued by a disgusting smell. Due to this, the town decides to send busloads of teenagers to the mountains while they try and resolve the smell situation. All of the teenagers fall asleep on the bus and wake up to the announcement that they had to go back home due to road blocks. When they get off the buses, its late and no one is there to pick them up. They think that it may just be a sense of miscommunication, so they head home, only to find that none of their families are there, and they can’t get ahold of any of them over the phone. They finally decide to investigate and find that all exits out of town are completely blocked off. They then decide to find a way to survive without their families. This causes a lot of tension within the town including the death of a main character. This shows also includes gay representation!!!! This is my favorite couple, Sam (Sean Birdy) and Grizz (Jack Mulhern). Sam is deaf and gay and his brother, Campbell (Toby Wallace), makes fun of him for both reasons, and when the whole issue with the town happens, he believes he will never find love because he doesn’t think anyone else is gay, until Grizz comes along, and tries to learn ASL and loves him for him.

2. Roswell New Mexico

Alright, to be completely honest, I did not want to watch this. I have no idea why I just didn’t. I saw an edit on like instagram or something of the couples in the show and I was like, alright I can give it a chance. And spoiler alert I loved it. The series starts off with Liz Ortecho (Jeanine Mason) comes back to her hometown of Roswell around the time of her the anniversary of her sister, Rosa’s (Amber Midthunder), death. She gets pulled over on her way in and the officer that pulled her over was Max Evans (Nathan Parsons), who has had a crush on her since they first met, and just so happens to be an alien. After Liz gets shot in her families restaurant, Max uses his healing powers to save her, but leaves behind a hand print on her that makes her suspicious. She continues to investigate until he tells her the truth. She also finds out that her sister was actually murdered, and has the same hand print on her that she did when Max healed her. Turns out, his sister, Isobel (Lily Cowels) killed her, but it was actually another alien possessing her (which they didn’t know was possible when she killed her). When they landed on earth they also landed with their “brother” Michael (Michael Vlamis) who starts off the series with an on and off relationship with Alex (Tyler Blackburn) and I love them together. Alex is the son of one of the guys trying to find and take down the aliens and he also went to war and lost his leg. Anyways, towards the end of the season Alex starts seeing Maria (Heather Hemmens), which is a couple I don’t really like, but also bi representation is good! Anyways I don’t really wanna spoil this one too much I just love it a lot.

3. Elite

This is a show that came out in 2018, but they released a second season this year. All I’m saying is please watch the original version, not the dubbed over version. Elite is a spanish show about a few students that get a scholarship to the private school after their school gets demolished. This shows is in the fashion of present and past which includes a lot of flashbacks leading up to the the murder of one of the students. My favorite part of this show is the relationship between Ander (Arón Piper) and Omar (Omar Ayuso). Ander is the son of the head of the school and Omar is the brother of one of the students that got a scholarship. Not only are they of different socioeconomic status’, but Omar is also Muslim, and his family would not approve of him being gay. He finally finds the courage to tell his family, but thats not until season 2. Also, his sister Nadia (Mina El Hammani) falls in love with the “bad boy” of the school, Guzmán (Miguel Bernardeau) and starts going against her parents wishes as well.

4. The Umbrella Academy 

Y’all mind if I confuse y'all real quick. So, a bunch of women all of the sudden give birth out of nowhere at the same time even tho none of them were pregnant? Yea I know weird. Anyways, so this dude tries to adopt as many of them as possible and ends up adopting like 7. They all have powers and they try and stop the apocalypse. That’s literally all I can tell y'all. 

5. Unbelievable

I swear I didn’t mean to get y’all upset right now. This show made me angry and sad and so many other feelings all at once. So the show beings with a girl named Marie (Kaitlyn Dever) getting raped in her home. When she reports it, they can’t find any evidence, as he cleaned the apartment and made her shower. This mixed with the fact that she struggles remembering parts of her experience (which is common with sexual assault), the police don’t believe her and force her to retract her statement. This in itself is awful, but they also charge her with false statement, which adds on to the fact that people already believe that she is a liar. Years later, two female detectives, Karen and Grace, piece together rapes in their precincts and once they find the rapist, they find Marie’s picture in with his belongings, proving that she was telling the truth the entire time.

6. Sailor Moon

I just got into anime and all I have to say is that I love this. That is all.

[therosaliciasilva]

Is that CAMILA MENDES on campus? Oh no, that’s ROSALICIA SILVA. From LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA the 19 year old has come to study HISTORY and a minor in ARCHAEOLOGY. Rumor has it she is STRONG-MINDED and GREGARIOUS, but STUBBORN and OVERCRITICAL, which is why she is known as THE TRAVELLER. She resides in YORKS and can’t wait to graduate.

{ trigger warnings: car accident, familial death }

P E R S O N A L I T Y

Rosa has always been very headstrong. She knows what she wants and when she has her mind set on a goal, there really is no deterring her away from that. These same attributes are also something that can make her incredibly stubborn from time to time. In the past this same attitude of getting what she wants did make her very spoilt for a time because her parents would feed in to her wants since she was the only girl of the family. She really did have her dad wrapped around her finger and still does. However, Rosa has learnt the value of hardworking and is honestly one of the most driven people you’ll meet. The girl no longer wishes to be that spoilt brat and although takes advantage of her dad’s wealth, she still works hard to prove she is more than that. Rosa is also very charismatic and loves to be in social settings. She likes parties as it gives her a sense of freedom. Rosalicia is very critical of herself and looks back on everything she has done to see what she could have done better. In one way, it helps her to grow as a person but in another, holds her back in worrying over everything she’s ever done. She is definitely the type of person to think of a conversation that happened years ago in the middle of the night and not be able to sleep for the rest of the night. Although Rosa is very good at arguing in the moment, afterwards she will instantly regret it and hates being in a feud with people. She’ll more often be the first person to apologise and hates the ‘going to bed angry’ thing. She would rather talk it out rather than stay mad.

P A S T

Rosalicia is the youngest in her family and the only daughter to her parents with four older brothers. Having so many older brothers and being the only daughter, it was fair to say that Rosa was very protected. Her brothers always looked out for her and if anyone even thought about hurting her, they’d instantly be there. Although her brothers are calmer now since working in the business sector with their father, in their younger years they were very tough guys that could be quite aggressive if it called for it. They’d often be seen rough housing around the house until their father decided to take them to different sports to try and get rid of that energy. Two went to do boxing and two did martial arts (in particular judo and karate). Meanwhile, Rosalicia was like a dream compared to deal with her brothers. She was a sweetheart and just loved to talk to people. That wasn’t to say she couldn’t be hot-headed like her brothers but she was much better at dealing with that trait - mainly because she would get what she wanted from her parents if she asked. She wasn’t used to being told no.

She always was a smart kid. She got good grades in school but she always put that more down to having a good memory for tests. Where she truly shone was history. She loved learning about the past which formed a great relationship with her grandparents. Her grandparents lived just outside of Rio so during Carnival season, her and her brothers (sometimes her parents) would make the trip to her grandparents and enjoy the festivities. What Rosalicia will always remember of those trips was speaking with her grandparents about the past and their stories and even the history of Brazil in general. From the Native Americans that had resided there to slavery to rebellion as well as politics and sports. It is the time spent watching the Rio Carnival that got Rosalicia in to dance. She prefers the latin dances but doesn’t mind other forms of dance. Her grandma died when she was 7 and her grandad died when she was 12. Despite this, her parents still made a point of going to Rio every year at Carnival season in memory of them. 

Going in to her high school years, Rosa got very tired of being so protected by her family. She began to rebel a little more. She still worked hard in school but she wanted to go to parties and socialise but her parents would say no. Instead she would sneak out. Her dad didn’t mind so much (as much as he wanted to protect her) but her mum would go crazy. Although it all came from a place of love, it caused friction between them. It was one night at a house party that her mum called the police on the house party and dragged her daughter out of the house before the police came. She’d been kissing a boy at the time and was pretty drunk which didn’t help her mum’s anger. Her mum was driving her back when Rosa really kicked off and ended up shouting until her mum pulled over and Rosa got out and walked because her mum couldn’t physically get her back in the car without hurting her. Rosa shouted that she hated her and kept walking.  Instead, her mum called her brothers to find her and get her home no matter how much the drunk girl fights. Her eldest brother found her and forced her in to the car to go home. When she woke up, her arms had bruises and her body was sore from her mum and her brother pulling her to get her home. However when she woke up, she discovered that her mum hadn’t made it home that night. Instead what had happened was after driving away from Rosa, one of the drunk drivers that had been trying to escape the party when the cops came crashed in to her mum’s car at a high speed. Her mother died on the way to the hospital. This is the exact reason why Rosa hates the ‘going to bed angry’ thing as her last words to her mother were “I hate you”. Rosa very much blames herself for her mum’s death as much as the rest of her family told her it wasn’t her fault. One of her trademark things now is a pearl necklace that belonged to her mum. She wears it as a reminder to appreciate the things you have because one day, they might not be there anymore.

P R E S E N T

This death is really what drove her harder in to her study field. She wants to become an archaeologist and study artifacts from ancient worlds. She wants to travel the world and experience cultures. That is when she decided to come to Monarch to study history with a archaeology minor. Rosa has been at Monarch for about six months so far and although she does like to indulge in a party lifestyle from time to time, she can just as quickly get sucked in to her studies. The girl is also on the dance team. She had thought about getting a job but doing a major and a minor as well as a club does take up a lot of her time. Her dad does still pay for her accommodation and she’ll make the commute back to LA every few weeks to go and visit her family. One thing that Rosa has been more vocal about is social injustice. You are definitely likely to find her at feminist rallies and black lives matter movements whenever they’re nearby. She loves the feeling of solidarity amongst humans and a fight for change. Studying history and hearing all the stories of slavery from her grandparents, you can bet there’s a fire in her belly to see some change.

Since she has been here for six months, I have a list of possible connections here.