#// lich emmrich's greetings when you walk in are the sweetest things

[thanatologie]

tho, you know, i think what kind of fucks me up about a romanced lich emmrich over a romanced mortal emmrich is how, like. they're both in it to win it, and that's great, that's fine. and i mean we all know with lich emmrich he doesn't really address his fear of death in any healthy way, it just evolves and becomes fear of his partner's death (which is what that whole argument is about on that end of the spectrum instead of the woe is me i'm going to die before you and leave you sad alone and panic realizing oh shit this is real).

but what fucks me up - aside from the fact that he does get a little territorial in a way mortal emmrich does not - is once he walks out the ritual room and realizes his person is worried he doesn't want them anymore and that they stayed and they're still down to clown even though he's bare bones (l-lol), is how emphatic his little greetings and declarations of love get. there's no beating around the bush with him, he really leans into that hello, my love, he says that shit with his whole chest, like he's savoring the ability to do it. doesn't even need a face, you can read just from his body language that he's gazing adoringly at his person, with the way he leans into their space.

and it's super fucked up. not just because he comes back a little different - and he does! - but because these feelings aren't new. the enormity is the same, no matter which way he goes, but it's a testament to how much fear actually rules his life, tbh. take away his mortality and he thinks he's invincible. he starts being reckless with himself, and covetous of his person. those little things he skirts around while mortal - the word love, especially, even if love is what it is - become things he gives them freely. with abandon. just as recklessly. the only thing holding him back in that mortal path is the fear; the fear he'll die and leave them alone, the fear they'll die and he'll be lost without them, the fear that it might be real for him but it's not for them.

like. there's a terrible arrogance lurking under the surface with lich emmrich, but a willingness to plunge into the abyss at the same time, to see where it goes, where while mortal his will is a...a dam, holding back that flood because he's scared.