#// hello who is this. cloun

[tekras-iszovh]

◎ whatttsss your opinion on going to clown town :o]

"= who is this, i don't know the quirk. uh, fine actually, a little exhilarating. it would be more terrifying if i was still mortal, ha, now, the mental abilities side to things if that gets out of hand it may be a bit fucked for me in the moment, but i like a degree of risk, and it is not like if things get too crazy i can't just - go, i am very good at getting my way when i show off a little of my power. so basically, when is the travelling circus getting here, i can defy death for them if they want it, ha. ="

[leina-reads-homestuck]

Let’s...hhh, hhh... ( o A O);;

play Undertale...and...try to not die. (Let’s play part.3)

I’m bout ta cross a bridge. What’s this ? Snow poff ?

Lots of snow poffs ?

*SHHHK*

...Oh.

Time to RUN MODAFUKA

I get killed over and over. At some point I remember that I have items and check them. 

The “old tutu” is supposed to be an armor. I put it on, but heck if it makes me less vulnerable. The only thing it might have done was to put a “?!” look on the face of my opponent, who might have wondered where the heck did this gremlin wearing an old tutu and a faded ribbon think it was going. 

I have Dog Residue too, but all it did was spilling dog residue all over my other items (yuck ?!)

I try to call my mom Toriel and Papyrus, in case they have some good advice to give me, or some bad jokes to tell. I’m in dire need of bad jokes.

After the 15th death, I seek for a bit of help and come across a “follow the bridge Undyne is walking on” on Google.

I mean. I mean, ok. The logic would tell me to run ahead of her instead of following her movements, but I try nonetheless. Better than losing myself in the same spot and dying over and over.

Ah yeah, because here’s the thing : I have absolutely no sense of direction. Even the streets around my building look like an unextricable maze to me, so imagine me going thru an actual maze ?!

I NYOOOOOM my way through endless corridors, trying to follow Undyne below me and avoiding the spears, my HP is freaking low, hhhh, hhhhh, maze runner yea it’s me, HHH,

*konk*

Ummm....

...mmmmmmm ???

I hit “entry”, almost expecting a message like “Congratulations ! You failed your escape !” but nothing happens. I try to grab an item, it doesn’t work. So I walk back, convinced I took the wrong path, ready to run thru spears again.

But it doesn’t happen.

*klong klong klong*

Uh...hello ? I’ve heard a lot about y- - -

*Undyne slashes the portion of the bridge I was standing on*

As I fall into the endless void, I can almost hear her thinking “LONG LIVE... THE KING.”

...........................................................................

S’me.

Mmmthanc.

I almost picked “Aranea” as a name, y’know. “My name is...” yeah ? What is it ? 

Hey ?

*plop*

I’m on a flower bed, apparently in one piece. I just heard voices in my head. This is fine.

Hold on, hold on. I have a familiar feeling... 

A character that falls an endless chute, then end up onto a bed of flowers, then hears a voice in his head ? Then as he wakes up, the voice fades ?

....

DID YOU JUST FINAL FANTASY’D ME ?

(I never played Final Fantasy but I watched friends playing it, and this is precisely what happens to Cloun... Clod... to the main protagonist.)

All that counts is that I’m ready to pursue my questSPLOSH.

I slosh-slosh my way in the hopefully clean water and... welp, seems that pollution is also a thing here.

I see another save star (yeah idk how these are called) and oof, I sure needed it after all those spears I ate.

La suite prochainement !

[gulescamisade]

Virginia:  Day 26, Get Off the Lawn

[The PARTY TRAIN is a-rolling... and given the sort of situation at and, they've officially reached a time when it's now-or-never. Indeed, the white house lawn-- and much of the DC area-- has been overtaken by massive, colorful circus tents, and BRIGHT, with BRIGHT, SHINING SPOTLIGHTS. Rolling up on this in Jeff's tiny train, it's amazed they aren't run over by what amounts to a media circus-- news vans and camera crews are practically EVERYWHERE, an enormous crowd of people behind velvet ropes and leaning over to watch the small trickle of juggalos entering the circus tents, surrounding the literal circus with a media circus. Despite this, there is no line for entrance to the carnival itself, the dark labrynth of twisting tents and attractions having only a single vendor jamming to horrorcore and a whole heap of INTERVIEWERS looking for a HOT SCOOP.]

[ It's a hell of a scene to look at from a distance. The white house itself isn't even visible beyond the DARK CARNIVAL.]

DAVENFORTH: -Peeps this.- What the shit actually

QIRIN: ... 

QIRIN: I have not yet determined whether a lack of a welcome party is good news or not.

PENNY: yeeeeeeeeEEEEHAW.

ROXANNE: -Euugh, she didnt really mind clowns until this very moment.-

[ Fortunately there are no clouns in IMMEDIATE sight. Just clown-adjascents.]

JEFF: =SWEATING SO MUCH and stays right where he is=

PENNY: -she's made up in clown paint and shit too, rattling her car. she's ready to be rowdy.-

PENNY: -NOT LIKE THEY CAN INFILTRATE REALLY GREAT AFTER BROADCASTING THEMSELVES BUT HEY. MAYBE.-

DEREK: -he's with you, penny... both in attitude and attire.-

KURLOZ: =takes one look around, scrunches up his nose=

[ The current question is: Who is in some kind of disguise, clown makeup or otherwise, and who is not? THE OTHER QUESTION is how close are they getting to the entrance? There is a clear path straight down the middle to the entrance-- with the only landmines being a few reporters and papparazos, and only the occasional fully-garbed Juggalo strides confidently through the entrance.]

RILEY: -this is some bullshit but they have to blend in. And she also refused to stay back by herself. So you win some and you lose some.- holy fuck.

DAVENFORTH: -He's wearing a latex Donald Trump mask. The biggest clown of them all-

RILEY: -DAAAAAAAMN-

ROXANNE: -Most people are getting down with the clown disguise and she is no exception, this is a serious mission despite the smile painted onto her face.-

QIRIN: =She loves you Davenforth, but she can't help but make a face at that mask=

DAVENFORTH: -Well if no one else is getting out, he is. Hello. This is gonna be yuuuuuuuge.-

REPORTER:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P5qbcRAXVk

REPORTER: -This one troll is scampering up for the FIRST and HOTTEST scoop-

REPORTER: We;; HE;;O and WE;COME to this historic occasion!

REPORTER: Wou;d you be wi;;ing to answer a few questions? For AMERICA?

DAVENFORTH: Anything for america of course no one loves america more than me if anyone claims as such theyre lying so many people ask me how can you love america and i tell them america is just so wonderful ill show you how much i love america its just the best

ROXANNE: -Davenforth plz.-

RILEY: -she's gonna lose it at this answer so she has to carefully cover her mouth and not mess up her make-up at the same time. Fucking ridiculous-

DEREK: Can I get a whoop whoop for America?

QIRIN: =She wants all this over with so she can get this horrific layer of oil off her face= QIRIN: Whoop whoop!

REPORTER: We;; A;; give a whoop whoop for America! -Makes sure she's in frame as a tubby cameraman holds up a few recording devices with telekinesis. HE LOOKS INCREDIBLY DISINTERESTED IN THIS WHOLE PROCSES.- REPORTER: Te;; the country how EXCITED you are to be taking part of the judicia; process in the first ever, hands-on pub;ic execution of justice on this FORMER;Y backwards world!

ROXANNE: -Stay strong Riley. She is also hoping off the train.- Whoop, lets go 'Murica!

PENNY: WHOOP WHOOOOOP!!!!

DAVENFORTH: Ill tell you this never again will there be so many whoop whoops the amount of whoop whoops today will just be staggering theyre all going to wonder why so many whoops were not had before and ill tell you the american will whoop again they will whoop like they never did before thank you so much

LIFERA: -she, too, is in clown makeup... and made up to look way more purple than she actually is.- 38D

RILEY: -fuck. - whoop fuckin' whoop.

REPORTER: -she is just plain FLABBERGASTED by this man's charisma-

PENNY: -leans and whispers to Qirin- (whats she mean public execution?)

QIRIN: =has a feeling that some pyropes would not take too kindly to the public execuction of justice of any kind= QIRIN: =just..again= Whoop whoop!

HIGHBLOOD: =Gets his bigass on up out here, picking his fangs=

QIRIN: (It is likely exactly what she means.)

REPORTER: One ;ast question! Are you hoping for a seat on the cabinet? Or are you just here for the exhuberant and divine joy of mass mu-- OH GOOD HEAVENS!

REPORTER: (ARE YOU GETTING HIM IN FRAME? GET HIM IN FRAME, ASSHOLE.)

REPORTER: -the other one pans up a bit to look at the Highblood's BIG OLD FACe.-

HIGHBLOOD: =HE'S A FRESH 600 SWEEPS MAYBE=

DAVENFORTH: Look at my my highblood caste friend over there just look at him look at my purple american friend

REPORTER: Ahahaha! Yes indeed, America! You are seeing it here first and best!

REPORTER: Even dishonored expatriates are eager to win their p;ace in the New America! REPORTER: I'm assuming that you are hoping for a spot on the cabinet, but-- oh!

REPORTER: Any statements you'd ;ike to make?

REPORTER: -HOLDS THE MIC UP TO GHB-

LIFERA: -really close to GHB... she is not comfortable now that the camera is in their direction...-

LIFERA: >38D;;

HIGHBLOOD: =Looks down at this reporter troll= HIGHBLOOD: ...... =leans on down, slowly, covering this tiny fish with his hair probably= HIGHBLOOD: hah HIGHBLOOD: haha...hahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! =Big booming laughter, she don't even need the mic for this= HIGHBLOOD: =straightens up, lifts hand= no further inquiries sis. =strides his ass on=

REPORTER: -CLEARLY UNNERVED AND FORCING A FAKE SMILE-

DAVENFORTH: What an articulate speaker there he goes my clown american friend give it up everybody

REPORTER: ..... (:C

ROXANNE: -Dammn big clown, you go.-

LIFERA: -DOES SOME KIND OF DIMISSIVE HAND SIGN FROM UNDERNEATH THE HAIR. It's about all that can be seen of her as she strolls along-

[ The other seem to be TRYING to get an interview, but the circus itself beckons, and they're all a TEENSY bit intimidated by GHB's presence.]

DEREK: Much clown love from that jolly motherfucker amirite?

DAVENFORTH: -Falls in line with GHB- DAVENFORTH: You alright magilla

PENNY: hell motherfuck yeah my ninja. -leans against Derek with an entire bottle of Faygo.-

HIGHBLOOD: :o) HIGHBLOOD: alls am gonna get right and recalibrated

RILEY: -they're way too good at this-

RILEY: -sticks with lifers tho-

RILEY: -or you know...lifera-

PENNY: -IT'S TWO WHOLE LITERS.-

DAVENFORTH: Im calibrated get me and my bro a big enough distraction and ill get the rest taken care of

ROXANNE: -Shes trailing behind Davenforth to make this a clown entourage.-

[ The ticket taker, too busy jamming to bother stopping them or even explaining anything, could PROBABLY be hassled with a determined effort, but they could also slip right past if they didn't care about this guy's shit. ]

HIGHBLOOD: dones is done and done

HIGHBLOOD: =Would killing him be a determined effort=

[ no man he's pretty easy to kill ]

PENNY: -squeezing past and also quipping at the reporter now- yeah tell yallselves the fams gonna party real hard tonight. HATCHETS HIGH IN THE SKY.

DAVENFORTH: Thank you my clown american friend

LIFERA: -pulls Riley into the hair. join her.-

DEREK: Ill raise my faygo to that juggalette.

RILEY: -OOOOH HAIR TENT-

PENNY: -CACKLES-

RILEY: -it tickles-

DEREK: -CHUGS HIS OWN BOTTLE. its orange obv.-

LIFERA: -whispers to her- (Stick with me. If it gets dangerfish, I'll protect you.)

HIGHBLOOD: =He's a secret meeting place, good yes=

RILEY: (i'm swooning already. take me away.)

[ The carnival itself-- and oh, fuck, this is kinda dizzying. It's not set up like a regular carnival, with lots of games and attractions and flashing lights to attract attention and tokens, but rather, it's decorated with strung lights and smears of blood on the floor. Most of the blood appears to be human blood, and the lighting seems to turn at a dime from dim to blindingly bright. There are TONS of exits from this one circus tent alone-- at least five-- and it's hard to tell where the others lead to. Notes are scrawled on the canvas in blood, but most of them are extolling the virtues of mass murder, or the first few lines of JUGGALO PRAYERS.]

[ On a less severe note, the place is just sorta grody besides that. Like carnival grody.]

RILEY: ...

ROXANNE: -Nasty.-

HIGHBLOOD: =Makes face atthat scripture on the walls.= :o/

DAVENFORTH: -Stretches a little. Adjusts his tie.-

ROXANNE: -Also moves up next to Davenforth.- (Hey wall building homie. plan of route?) ROXANNE: -She ASSUMES he roughly has some sort of plan...please.-

DAVENFORTH: (They fucked this up a lot more than i thought it may take me a little bit to make out a route play along for now)

PENNY: -strides almost drunkenly along with Derek, but it's all just a ruse. She's just trying to seem nonchalant about this whole thing, eyes half-lidded and grinning, but her heart is pounding. This place is fucking weird.-

ROXANNE: (M'kay.) ROXANNE: (Is it also just me or does this place reek like a compost dump?)

RILEY: -you're doin' good lil sis.-

DAVENFORTH: (Welcome to juggalos lil mama)

DAVENFORTH: -Looks for a high point for him to clamber up and gain a better view-

ROXANNE: (Im already ready ta'say goodbye.) -Keeps smiling besides being anxious as fuck.-

[Tent poles, if he wants to shimmy. Once he gets high enough he can cut a hole in the canvas and peep out of it.]

LIFERA: -GIGGLING at Riley for a moment, but just keeps her hand on her arm and quiets again. That blood everywhere... humans are so fragile. She doesn't want anyone to be hurt here.- (I fish I cod!) LIFERA: (It smells like stale stank.)

DAVENFORTH: (Be right back yall) -Already shimmying up a tentpole-

DEREK: -he's got u penny. he's pretty zen himself, but pumped to be here and do this shit finally. pats the sisters shoulder, but guides the pair of them over to davenforth and roxanne so he can eavesdrop on their whispering-- oh but he ascends.-

DEREK: -bobs while he watches this-

PENNY: -that's not conspicuous at all... just fuckin tips up her two liter of faygo and drinks while watching this. this is normal.-

ROXANNE: -Look at him go.- ROXANNE: -Just gonna lean on that pole a little, its totally chill there is nothing suspicious going on here.-

[YOU KNOW HE LOVES TO SHIMMY]

RILEY: (honestly i've been liking the whole mouth breather thing.)

DAVENFORTH: -Shimmy shimmy coco puff. Shimmy shimmy now. Cutting this tent all up, what's he peepin now?-

LIFERA: (You shouldn't talk about your husband like that.) 38)

[The bright light from the Outdoors streams in through the hole he just cut-- and it's kind of a run, sure, but he can see the white house now that he's got a good vantage.]

DEREK: -damn..................... or should he say dwamn-

[There's actually a decent enough route BETWEEN the tents, if he commits it to memory-- leading right to the front door. It seems like the secret service has been co-opted by carnival attractions, though.]

DAVENFORTH: -Slides down the pole on some cirque de soleil shit-

DAVENFORTH: Alright got it its kind of a jog but nothin too bad lot of tents in the way

ROXANNE: -Steps away from it so he has room to get down.- ROXANNE: Sweet.

DAVENFORTH: -Looks at GHB- Everyone ready

PENNY: say the word homie.

RILEY: -she snorts at that comment lifera makes- (oh shit. nice.)

HIGHBLOOD: =Thumbs up and rolls his shoulders=

ROXANNE: Lets fuck shit up.

LIFERA: -glubs softly and nods! wait. peeks out of the hair and then nods!-

DAVENFORTH: -Pushes through the tent into the actual carnival itself and it's hitting him how fucking....CARNIVAL like this shit is. Oh...-

DAVENFORTH: Anybody like carnival games like i mean just for the record just asking for a friend a cheeto dusted friend

[READY OR NOT, here it comes. And by IT i mean the true nature of the Dark Carnival itself; it is where sinners are taken to be TESTED and learn the DARK MORALS of the joker cards. Indeed-- here's one now! The sinner in question is a human, gagged, blindfolded and tied, atanding underneath some kind of strength-tester machine-- the kind where you hit the lever and a big metal thingy flies up to ding a bell. Set up in such a way that after it goes up, it's going to come straight down on this dude's head, and guarded by a four-foot-five troll who is frankly built with terrifying muscles.-

ROBUSTO: YOU THINK YOU ARE AS STRONG AS ROBUSTO???? PROVE YOUR STRENGTH OR DIE LIKE COWARD-MAN WHO TELLS STATE SECRETS TO FOREIGN POWERS.

LIFERA: !!!

PENNY: -oh god yep here they go.....-

DAVENFORTH: -Whispers a reclaimed racial slur under his breath-

RILEY: (anybody tries to fucking do that shit i'll be the one whackin you over the head.)

HIGHBLOOD: =Ants=

ROBUSTO: -HOLDS UP AN ENORMOUS MALLET. It's wooden and heavy.- WHO WILL TAKE ROBUSTO'S CHALLENGE????

DAVENFORTH: And if we say fuck yourself with that righteous noise

DAVENFORTH: Just checkin for a friend

LIFERA: -soft hissing in this hair. She.... starts shuffling closer to Davenforth.- (Go. Keep going.)

DAVENFORTH: (Lif)

RILEY: - fucking striders-

ROBUSTO: -SQUINTS. And twirls his moustache.-

LIFERA: (Now.)

ROXANNE: -Hhgh. This is already another layer of hell, but also Davenforth dont call attention.-

HIGHBLOOD: testin strength...... HIGHBLOOD: =eyeballs Robusto= we can play this game while y'all check shit it :o)

ROXANNE: -Listen to your fish wife.-

LIFERA: -punches Davenforth in the shoulder and laughs-

DAVENFORTH: -Soft marge noise-

ROBUSTO: A-HA! ROBUSTO: FINALLY. ONE WHO IS NOT WEAK AND COWARD WHO FAILS TO WIN GLORIOUS HONOR OF BLOOD PRIZE DEAD MAN SHATTER SKULL.

ROBUSTO: -shoves the mallet in GHB's hand-

LIFERA: T)(IS MOT)(-ERFUCK-ER TOO WIMPY TO DO IT. G-ET OUTTA )(-ER-E.

RILEY: (jesus christ.)

DAVENFORTH: When that beat hits yall -We book it-

DEREK: -jesus CHRIST indeed-

DEREK: -he's ready to book it... sipping his faygo.-

ROBUSTO: -STRENUOUSLY FLEXES-

HIGHBLOOD: =This mallet is a toothpick isn't it? Look at his ham hands... but he takes it. Snrks=

HIGHBLOOD: =Crouches= :o)

LIFERA: -watches GHB carefully-

ROBUSTO: -FLEXES EVEN MORE-

ROBUSTO: ✨💪✨

RILEY: i would prefer not to have someone's blood on me but you know.

HIGHBLOOD: =Bops Robusto like a field mouse. Right on the cranium bro=

ROXANNE: -Ah, yep. There it is.-

DAVENFORTH: Cheese it

PENNY: -WELL JESUS-

ROXANNE: -Time to book it fellas and lady gents.-

RILEY: -OK BYE-

LIFERA: -WHAT DID SHE SAY ABOUT GETTING OUT OF HERE YOURE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FOR THIS-

DAVENFORTH: -Bolts to the right and rips through the canvas. White house here we come!-

ROBUSTO: -oh MAN he takes a lump for sure. His head is CRACKED loudly and he holds up a finger in SHEER OUTRAGE- ROBUSTO: COWARD WIGGLER STRIKES ROBUSTO INSTEAD OF RUBOSTUS KILLMAN KILLING... ROBUSTING... ROBUSTO: ROBOTS??? ROBUSTO: -he falls over DEAD.-

DEREK: -throws this sugary shit on the dirty ass ground and flash steps after davenforth-

DAVENFORTH: -Babe I'm already gone. Kanye shrug-

HIGHBLOOD: =EYES the others and opens his arms= now now HIGHBLOOD: what else ams i testin?

ROXANNE: -YOU BOYS AND YOUR FLASH STEPING. She cant do that but she can sure sprint like hell after sending a glance to the rest of the group. Good luck guys.-

PENNY: -aaaaAAAHHHHH. SHAKES UP HER FAYGO FURIOUSLY and DUNKS it on the ground. it goes shooting up like a fucking rocket and sprays the crowd-

[The nearby juggalos murmur and mutter something. A few of them SCAMPER OFF, but a small group brandishes a set of hatchets.]

[Apparently this seems to indicate that they'd tie a rope to their dicks and jump off a building, should the mood strike them, but ALSO, that they think they can Totally take the guy that murdered Robusto.]

DAVENFORTH: -Well he don't wanna leave Rox behind. No flash stepping yet, but he's also sprinting around the perimeter of tents. It's hard to breathe in this Trump mask y'all.-

HIGHBLOOD: =Don't let him talk them out of it. There's gonna be a lot of blood back here as he will grab and squish skulls...sans for One. One he'll voodoo and have murderlate their pals.=

ROXANNE: -That is greatly appreciated.-

LIFERA: -grabs Riley's wrist and drags her behind GHB, toward the fucked up strength tester and the human that's tied up. She sure doesn't need to see this, and while that's happening, they could get this guy outta here-

PENNY: -she's just gonna uhhhh. stay outta GHB's way. yeaahhhh-

[I WILL SPARE U THE GORY DETAILS OF HOW DEAD THE GROUP IS. Except for the one guy hollering and raising his hatchet chasing after the other clowns. The others don't think there's anything fucked up about that, though, that just sorta happens sometimes.]

PENNY:

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

PENNY: -she's gonna need to get REAL fucked up after this-

HIGHBLOOD: =He's snickering as this happens, what a bunch of idiots. He's covering the ladies=

RILEY: -IS PULL. Looks up at this tied up Guy. SHES PRETTY GOOD AT UNTYING. Except when she isn't. She's going to do her best- okay dude you're going to run as fast as you can outta here.

LIFERA: B-ETT-ER Y-ET. -She unties the gag around the guy's mouth and the blindfold from his eyes, and then pulls out a little container of greasy black paint, smearing his face with it.- 38)

GUY: -wheezes.- th-thank you. Those people a-are... -TRYING NOT TO FOCUS ON THE GORE OVER THERE- GUY: ... GUY: don't eat the funnel cake. -As soon as he's free he BOLTS.-

HIGHBLOOD: yo what >:o/ HIGHBLOOD: how the fuck they fucked up funnel cake... dumb motherfuckers

LIFERA: Glub...

RILEY: no funnel cake over here.

QIRIN: =She doesnt even know how to comment to all of this=

LIFERA: Ocray... ST-EP BACK.

[It seems that this particular tent is cleared, save for some gruesome reminders. There are three other flaps; one leading back where they came from, near the ticket booth, one branching to the left and one branching to the right.]

LIFERA: -motions the other ladeez to get outta the way before doing a little half lean and then KICKING the strength tester to try to knock it down. NO MORE OF THIS.-

[ IT CRASHES.]

[CLONK]

QIRIN: =claps softly= Property damage, hurrah. ^_^

LIFERA: T)(ANKS.

QIRIN: =high five, lif!=

LIFERA: -SLAP-

LIFERA: Where to now?

[would they like to inspect any passages in particular]

[One leading back where they came, one to the right and one to the left.]

[There is the vague sound of music coming from the right... and the vague sound of someone furiously arguing to the left.]

QIRIN: =is is possible to hear what they are arguing about from here?=

[NOPE]

[u would have to get closer, and 'closer' means probably 'through the passage entirely.']

PENNY: -she's already heading toward the left one....-

[aw shit. If she makes it through, she'd see... well, someone who MAY or MAY not be recognizable to her.]

PENNY: -she's DOING IT.-

PENNY: -waves the others over-

[either way, it's the current secretary of state, one Alex Abbiss. He seems to be shouting down a group of juggalos-- some hatchet-wielding and TERRIFIED fellows who probably just saw Robusto get murdered.]

HIGHBLOOD: =Hey what's up hello, I murdered up your friend and now it's your turn to go=

[It is OBVIOUS that this is an important guy, and as they get closer to the man in a bloodstained jersey with a whole rack of vynyl records strapped to his back, they can hear what he's helling about-- how important he is and how NONE of these goddamned posers are gonna be gunning for HIS job, he MADE the ICP, do you HEAR HIM]

[This changes as he hears them enter, and FLINGS a razor-sharp record at them in a fury.]

PENNY: - SH I T-

PENNY: -JUST TRIES TO DUCK-

[she gets... a SMALL haircut. ]

[He's pulling some more records on them. HE'S READY TO TUSSLE.]

PENNY: -THAT MOTHERFUCKER.-

PENNY: -whips out her gun because... well, it's really the only thing she knows how to use, but it's gonna make a lot of noise...-

LIFERA: -leading Riley along after her??-

[The other juggalos seem to have fallen in rank behind him, because shit, okay, MAYBE they just tried to murder him, but they can also get in good with him if they kill these people? Whatever. IT'S A SURE FIRE RUCKUS HAPPENING, THAT'S FOR SURE.]

QIRIN: =oh hell WHY= QIRIN: =raises her dukes! Her spear is noticable enough that it might blow her cover and that would just put prospit in a (more) precarious situation.=

ERIDAN: -some masquerade masked fish is rolling into the scene. Literally rolling in on an actual unicycle somewhere under the flashy cape he's wearing. A relic from a time he used to be proud to wear such a thing.- ERIDAN: -Hey, Penny. He's here and swinging out a LAUNCHER of some kind. They'll find out what it does in the second he fires it.-

PENNY: -THE FUCK???-

[Don't worry boys, clustering up together in a tight group is the BEST kind of tactics.]

[The juggalos all agree with that sentiment.]

LIFERA: -peeks in for this... the fuck-

PENNY: -she agrees with that sentiment, as it happens-

ERIDAN: -Fires the launcher like he's shooting fish in a barrel. In a single swift PCHOO, it explodes in a thick vault of LIQUID NITROGEN right over the juggalos. The chemical will be freezing on impact with their skin.- B/

[oh FUCK. They start to charge as a group, hatchets HIGH, and then they continue to do so, with their hatchets high, in that EXACT position, possibly FOREVER. They are SUPER DUPER FROZEN.]

ERIDAN: -Owwned.-

ERIDAN: so ERIDAN: the others been on their wway huh looks like it -just kinda balancing there. Just another Thursday afternoon.-

PENNY: ....... dude.

LIFERA: Y-ES. You're about on tide.

[By the look of things, YES. This cut rate Fieri-clone has been put to his end; along with a sizable number of juggaspirants.]

ERIDAN: -pockets the rifle. Safe and sound.- alright ERIDAN: yall finishin the job or should wwe keep pressin wwith the dispatchin ERIDAN: it aint goin to end wwith the death a the figureheads wwe ought to be securin a method a escape

LIFERA: CL-EARING T)(-E WAY. Sounds good to me.

[Behind them, there is suddenly the sound of... sizzling grease?]

QIRIN: =is there an alternate weapon she can grab? perhaps from literal cold, dead hands?=

[Hot oil and something being poured into it-- and though he was not visible there before, he is now.]

VENDOR: You look like you could use some

funnel cakes.

PENNY: oh hell no.

[As for weapons, there are SHARP VINYL RECORDS and HATCHETS to choose from Qirin.]

VENDOR:

FREE OF CHARGE.

ERIDAN: -mghhh. He's hungry suddenly, flicking fins in the direction of the sound.- ERIDAN: -taking out a sniper's rifle now, balanced on his unicycle. B[ -

VENDOR: [He holds out the funnel cake.. towards you, specifically, Eridan.]

VENDOR: [It smells... intoxicating. Literally.]

VENDOR: This... is rare supply. We're running low. Haven't had our shipment from scenic niagra falls.

LIFERA: Don't eat that.

VENDOR: But you can eat it.

VENDOR: Carnival food is pure food, son.

VENDOR: Good... pure... food.

ERIDAN: -Nah thanks. He shoots this fucker and his funnel cake.-

VENDOR: -!

VENDOR: -Frying dough pours out of the hole in his head.-

VENDOR: FOOL!

VENDOR: -Pulls out both fry baskets, brandishing the HOT METAL as the inhuman figure staggers, attempting to LUNGE at him despite his... rapidly spilling vital dough.-

ERIDAN: -pedals backwards with finesse. Pew. Pew. Pat. Pat. Yeah, fine, brandish the hot metal. Eridan is swinging the butt of his rifle to combat this oily fuck.-

VENDOR: -GURGLING AND SCREAMING AS HE COLLAPSES INTO A PUDDLE OF YEAST.-

VENDOR: -DEAD-

[Only the hot grease cart remains.]

QIRIN: ......................

ERIDAN: gross ERIDAN: ... ERIDAN: -flicks a lighter on and eyes the hot grease cart.-

QIRIN: =She came back from retrieving the vinyl records because heck, at least it's like throwing knives.= QIRIN: Either they have been altered to a molecular level or they have found a way to make yeast sentient. I am unsure which prospect is the more disturbing.

[It's pretty tricked out, as far as hot grease carts go. It's also full of boiling hot, flammable liquid, which COULD very well be useful.]

ERIDAN: -Damn... true... slowly puts the lighter away.- wwe got ourselvves a bomb

QIRIN: It may very well be the diversion the others require. =She's inspecting the cart further. Does it have wheels for rollin?=

[IT SURE DOES]

QIRIN: =peeps out the tent flap. Anything downhill? Anything important looking that needs burning?=

[Would that be the tent flap back the way they came from, or the next unexplored tent?]

PENNY: ... a bomb?

PENNY: sounds good.

PENNY: what are we blowing?

QIRIN: =the next=

ERIDAN: good question -squints heavily and considers. All of it would be ideal...- somethin thatll draww the majority of wwhos left for a brawwl ERIDAN: that wway provvidin the means to escape for the others ERIDAN: wwhere the shit is that impregnated twwinkie gobbler

[There is something down the way... something that looks... important. Or at least, important enough. She can only get a glimpse, but it's a pretty popular spot, and the flashing light appears to say PRIZES.]

QIRIN: =Well that settles that= QIRIN: The prize booth calls to us. ^_^ QIRIN: Everyone prepared for vandalism and arson?

PENNY: excuse? -stares at Eridan-

ERIDAN: wwell aint she -Really doesn't see anything wrong with his word choice.- you her wward or not

PENNY: yeah maybe. could also be called a twinkie gobbler.

PENNY: prefer Nuthands McMike though.

ERIDAN: -frowns- i disagree she aint done nothin to earn such a title

[WOULD YOU LIKE EVIDENCE ERIDAN]

ERIDAN: -Yeah sure. He's seen worse shit.-

[oh well he doesn't have any actually]

[go back to rigging ur greasebomb]

ERIDAN: -alright. Moves off the unicycle to cover this stupid grease cart with his cape.- wwere the shit wwe takin this

PENNY: -she's talking about herself u fuck-

PENNY: approximately thattaway. -points to where Qirin indicated-

SOME FUCKIN JUGGALO: oh shit i smell the funnel cake dude

[the voice WAFTS from that direction]

[calling in a siren song]

ERIDAN: -mmm better get this cart moving. Wrings out a hankerchief like BLEH and uses it to get a grip on the handle. Now pushes it along.- ERIDAN: this reeks somethin' awwful

QIRIN: =She smoothly saunters out to the sound of Some Fuckin Juggalo to greet them as the others try workin the cart'=

[It does... like grease, but also some sinister chemicals. And sinister jujus.]

[THE JUGGALO MOSTLY JUST WANTS FUNNEL CAKES.]

[But he is at least blocked from what is to come.]

ERIDAN: -wheels this cart outtie, definitely holding his breath from BREATHING IN THE CHEMICALS. Hello prize booth.-

[There's all kinds of prizes on display: Axes, special stardust, clown facepaint. Essentials.]

[Seems like they're paying in blood tokens, which are, in fact, human ears. Probably from people less lucky than the guy they rescued.]

LIFERA: -She's following as well, ready to punch a clown if necessary.-

PENNY: ... -can she grab one of those axes? are there people around??-

[THERE ARE. Lots of people, actually. Trying to get their prizes. Some of them are now trying to get funnel cakes.]

ERIDAN: -The funnel cake cart is TARPED by cape, you idiots. Can you not SEE.-

[THEY CAN SMELL IT YOU BOGARD]

[BOGART?]

[WHATEVER]

QIRIN: Helllllloooo there! =She does block his way, cocking her hip as she greets the juggalo cheerily!= A miraculous evening to you!

SOME FUCKIN JUGGALO: YEAH POPPIN HOT SHIT NINJETTE WHERES THE DOUGH AT????

PENNY: -aUGH-

QIRIN: Aw man, the line's all clogged up! Some eighth grade history class came for their class trip! Dough guy has gotta feed the next generation, you know what I mean? Ahahahaha!

[The juggalo has NO idea what this fresh pimpin ninjette is going on about. But at least that buys them some room and some time to move the thing.]

RILEY: -she wandered a little too far and got lost... Suddenly panting next to them- holy shit you would not believe-- oh my god what NOW?

ERIDAN: havve at it -whirls the cape off the cart and throws it over Riley.- keep that on wwould you ERIDAN: its durable the kind to ride out lightnin storms through

RILEY: -catches it. Thank you ace reflexes. She puts it on- i'm such a badass.

QIRIN: =are they even done yet? She's waiting for BOOM!= So...while we wait for Boogie Woogie Wu to scare off the tiny children, why do we not exchange pleasantries on this fresh turf?

JUGGALO: :o/

QIRIN: What do you favor? Halls of Illusion or House of Horrors?

JUGGALO: -SLOWLY REATCHING FOR HIS HATCHET-

RILEY: -penny do I need to get my gun-

ERIDAN: -turns his back to riley in a dramatic fashion and arms himself with an assault rifle. All eyes on him, folks.- alright you insatiable GREASE CLOUT FUCKS CLEAR THE MOTHERFUCKIN PATH ERIDAN: -and promptly bombkicks the cart and the whole trap of grease into the crowd.-

MOVVE I SAID

QIRIN: Ah, I see you have a hatchet. You should never run with one...unless you're

running with a hatchet,

amirite? QIRIN: ;)

JUGGALO: -oh shit.- JUGGALOS: -OH SHIT-

[They suddenly bolt out of the way of the HOT GREASE CART-

RILEY: -this is suddenly the most exciting shit she's seen in a while. Gun time.- B)

ERIDAN: -taking this time to line gallons of sparkle fish gasoline by the display stands. Marching like the grimest of military marches. They only really have one shot at this. His glasses glint menacingly at the crowd.- STRIDER -bares fangs- ERIDAN: LETS BLOWW THIS TENTED SHITSTAIN OF A FESTIVVAL

QIRIN: =still distracting this one juggalo if he isn't distracted already. She's going to rinse her mouth with salf water after this=

[HE IS DISTRACTED WITH RUNNING FROM THE EMINENT FIRE]

QIRIN: =Awesome.= QIRIN: =she quickly joins everyone else, more than gently urging everyone back. She has a feeling this will be a fireball.=

RILEY: -WHERE IS PENNY SHES NOT GONNA LEAVE HER-

ERIDAN: -God damn it, STRIDER.-

ERIDAN: -You're back at being the twwinkie gobbler.-

RILEY: -so....you're saying I was promoted? SHES NOT LEAVIN WITHOUT PENNY-

PENNY: -SHE'S COMING SHIT-

RILEY: -YOU BETTER OR IMGONNA DRAG YOUR ASS OUTTA HERE-

LIFERA: -also just gonna keep distance from this shit-

ERIDAN: -brandishing the assault rifle at the crowd. Now that everything is in order, Eridan whirls on the prize tent and begins peppering the gasoline tanks with gunfire. Hasta la vista you salted juggalo fucks.-

JODIE: - She's been GHOSTING away from the main group in full aggrobat regalia, even throwing in a cartwheel or two. yup she totes mgoats belongs here. she's looking for a get away vehicle of some kind. -

RILEY: -LETS GO-

[THAT IS A KABOOM]

[The prize stand goes up in flames. Clown paint and stardust? Flammable.]

[The gasoline tanks goes up in flames. The tent itself? IT IS ON FIRE YOU BET YOUR ASS]

[The smoke is choking but it's spreading WAY too quick across the whole dang long.]

[lawn]

[whatever]

ERIDAN: - 🔥🔥🔥 -

JODIE: - well it looks like things are going well over there. -

[THAT LONG LAWN.]

QIRIN: =shoving people in the away direction. Forgive her lack of being gentle, but if it's spreading, and people are lagging, she'll resort to hupping em under an arm and toting them away.=

JODIE: - Let's see... something not on fire... not on fire... -

[There is a BEAUTIFUL convertible that-- no wait it's on fire. And it was a raffle prize anyways.]

[Looks like the ice cream truck isn't on fire. Don't eat the ice cream though.]

JODIE: - That'll work. She sneaks up and checks the windows to make sure it's empty. She can't be sure about the back though, she'll need to. open it up. Scurries-

ERIDAN: -holding his goddamn breath in all this. Seadweller skills activate. Fuck, his gills are going to burn something fierce in all this smoke.- ERIDAN: -SHOVING HIS SOLDIERS, GO GO GO GO GO. Messaging Jeff and the others stationed outside the premises. There's no going back to the campus after this.-

LIFERA: -DON'T YOU SHOVE ME BOI-

ERIDAN: -THEN GET IN THE ICE CREAM TRUCK QUEENIE. CHRIST.-

RILEY: -SORRY BOUT THE SMOKE RYAN IM TRYIN OVER HERE-

ERIDAN: -At least she has the cape and won't get burned by ash.-

QIRIN: =Helping Riley in the van. She's preggers with an energy consumer, after all.=

JODIE: -KEYS? IF NOT ROLL TO HOT WIRE. This takes her back to 6th grade. -

RILEY: -thanks qirin you are a gem-

ERIDAN: -balancing himself out in the back, ready to defend with one arm on his rifle. HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSES.-

LIFERA: -just kinda joins Eridan there, just in case-

PENNY: -hops up front with Jodie- lets get this shit rollin huh??

QIRIN: ^_^

JODIE: -She's managed to get it WORKING. Ice cream truck noises-

ERIDAN: -side eyes the juggalo ex-empress. Has another moment of disconnecting surrealism.-

[Broom broom. She's in her mum's car.]

LIFERA: 38D

JODIE: bet your sweet ass. everybody in? -

RILEY: yeah! floor it!

ERIDAN: -Still remains... the sound of silence...-

JODIE: haha... ha.... - FLOORS IT. TOWARDS THE WHITEHOUSE. This is her life. -

JODIE: - Not the worst thing she's done with an ice cream truck but at least the worst thing she's done on the white house lawn.-

RILEY: -HOLDING ONTO THE NEAREST PERSON FOR BALANCE-

QIRIN: =It's okay, she's sturdy=

[Once the twins and Roxanne are SECURED, the getaway ice cream truck is now Minnesota bound. For everyone's safety, it's best not to hide out anywhere near here... The campus had been evacuated after the concert, anyway. Just to be safe.]