#/ tw ianthe being weird

[dorkfruit]

ending off the year with ummmmmm...style practice?

[shadowqueenjude]

This is a scene I wrote about which occurs after Lucien's experience with Ianthe. I posted this a while ago but I wasn't able to do it properly because I didn't know about the weird Tumblr paragraph rule, so I'm posting this again. I'm sorry, children. TW: angst

Lucien woke up alone. At first it seemed like an ordinary morning, but then he looked down at himself. Whorls of paint from the Calanmai ceremony were still there, exceptionally smudged all across his body. The hazy magical memories started to come back to him. A blonde woman pawing at him, her triumphant smile as Lucien took her, the magic riding him hard. But even the magic couldn’t shut down that part of him that screamed, Not her! Not the jackal! Anyone but that wicked witch!

His will was so strong that there were moments that his hand shook; not from emotion, but from the effort to resist. But he had to do this. If Tamlin wouldn’t protect this court, Lucien had to step it up. This court had given him everything he’d lacked in Autumn. It was only fitting that he gave everything he had back to the court. Including his pride, his honor, and his dignity. His body.

Tears fell down Lucien’s face. He’d rolled around in dirt, even slept in it, in that cave in Autumn. He’d been covered in his own blood after his eye was carved out. Yet he’d never felt filthier than he did now. He could still feel that monster’s hands on her, like ants crawling up and down his shoulders, his back, his chest. He had to do something to wash this oily feeling off of his body. So, he walked into the bathroom.

He stared at his expression in the mirror. That awful scar still gave him a jump scare sometimes, and now, his remaining eye…it looked how he felt. Sad, cold, and empty. And tired. He looked horrible. People once sung praises of his beauty; now they all cringed away in horror as they saw the brutality etched across his face. He stepped into the shower, turning the water heat to its max, hoping it would burn him.

To anyone else, the heat would’ve been unbearable, but Lucien’s Autumn Court fire withstood it, welcomed it; it stirred the magic in his blood. He abhorred that part of himself that was still shallow enough to care about things that had been important in the Autumn Court. He’d always prided himself for his appearance, his intelligence, his ability to speak with people. Now, he had no pride left. It had crumbled away the moment he’d allowed that otherworldy magic to flow into his body. He had been certain it would kill him; he was no High Lord, nor did he have any desire to be.

But by some cruel twist of fate, the Spring Court had chosen him. He wondered what the people made of it. That the magic had not chosen their High Lord, but some disgraced son of Autumn. Lucien sat down in the shower, cradling his knees to his head, bawling as he recalled Tamlin’s command that Lucien perform the right.

“Tam?” Lucien had said. “You called?” “Yes; I need you to do something for me.” Lucien had leaned against the wall nonchalantly, arms crossed. “Yes?” Lucien hadn’t failed to notice Tamlin’s decreased usage of himself and increased reliance on Ianthe. He did not understand it, nor did he wish to. He resented the power Tamlin had taken from him. They used to be friends. Lucien used to push him, prod him, and Tamlin took it. He almost wished they were back in the days with Amarantha, if only so that he could have his friend back. He got it- he truly did. They’d all suffered under the mountain. He knew what it was like to hear the love of your life’s heart stop beating. He knew how helpless he must feel with Feyre likely being raped and tortured back in Night.

But Lucien was on his side. Surely, he understood that. Lucien hoped this request would be a return to Tamlin using him as his primary advisor instead of Ianthe. He still remembered the helplessness, the submission his body had been forced into as he’d demanded Tamlin let Feyre train. Tamlin had never used the High Lord’s command on him. Never. Lucien had no idea what was going on in Tamlin’s head since under the mountain. He’d gotten Feyre to talk, but Tamlin refused to so much as look at him these days.

“I know this is a lot to ask,” Tamlin began. Oh boy, Lucien thought to himself. Those words were never followed by anything anyone wanted to hear. “Yes?” Lucien said irritably. “Calanmai is coming soon,” he’d said. “And? Do you need me to help with preparations or something?” He’d shaken his head. “No. I need you to…replace me.” Lucien had stilled. “I know you’re struggling with Feyre missing, but I can’t do it. A High Lord must do it, or else.”

“I CAN’T!” Tamlin had roared. The room had shaken. Lucien often forgot Tamlin was a High Lord, but in that moment, he remembered. For the first time, he felt fear of him. High Lords were power; that roar reminded him of the beast that crawled within each one. Beron’s hyena form clawing at Lucien’s back when he was just a kid came to mind. “Ok, I’ll-I’ll try, Tam.” He hated how weak, how timid his voice had sounded. He’d prided himself on his ability to stand up to everyone, to call out everyone’s bullshit no matter how powerful.

But suddenly, he was just a child again, and Beron was roaring at him, and the scars on his back suddenly stung again. Lucien had walked away from there as fast as he could without running before crying in his room. He was no stranger to sex- but he hated the thought of sleeping someone while not in his right mind. And his number one fear- that the magic would choose Ianthe. Who Tamlin wouldn’t dismiss despite Lucien’s complaints. He didn’t care that she was a high priestess. She was nothing but a bloody creep.

His worst fear had come to pass. The magic was cruel; it had chosen that bitch. Was he any better than her, considering he’d slept with her? Even if he hadn’t been himself, it didn’t undo the facts. Jesminda would have been disgusted with him. He’d never deserved her anyway. Her smile flitted in his memory, and Lucien slammed his fist against the ground. He roared to gods who would not hear his pleas. They had abandoned him the moment he was born. How could Tamlin do this to him? How could Tamlin betray him like this? He thought Tamlin, at least, cared for him. He’d protected him all this time in Spring. He’d seen his worth.

But now…he’d asked for too much this time. Lucien had lost a part of himself. He didn’t know how he’d ever get it back. Lucien was already discarded like trash by one High Lord. What’s another one, he supposed. For a moment, Lucien was tempted to end his life right there in the shower. But what would Jesminda say? The only one who truly loved him for who he was. She would’ve called him a coward. How could he end his life before he witnessed her dreams for Autumn fulfilled? No- he’d endure until he fulfilled her dream. Then he’d end his own life. No one would miss him, anyway.

[shallyne]

Because you're my Friend Part 4

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 (Alternative Ending)

Part 4 of Because you're my Friend! Enjoy 🥰

TW: bullying

Ianthe gets introduced. Ew

The nap Feyre did was much needed. She slept through until Rhys woke her up. They quickly snacked something and then Rhys drove her to work again. The following days they worked out a rhythm that they both could live with. They worked on their project after school, sometimes in the library and sometimes at Rhys's house. Sometimes they could even squeeze a nap for Feyre in before she had to work again. She was still exhausted but Feyre quickly realized that the more time she spent away from home and with Rhys her mood lifted quickly. She even spent some time with Rhys's family and got to know them more. She also sat with Rhys, Cassian, Azriel and Mor together on lunchbreaks now. Rhys still gave her the rest of his lunch, which she was grateful for because she wouldn't have anything else. Feyre wouldn't tell Rhys that, though. Since she told him about her past they didn't talk about it again. He probably just gave her space and waited until she wanted to talk, which Feyre was really grateful for too.

Still tired from her shift, Feyre closed her locker and winced when suddenly Ianthe stood in front of her. "God, what are you doing here?"

"Rude." Ianthe said, flipping her hair back.

"I don't have any reason to be friendly to you. Get out of my sight." Feyre said.

"You're still sore about Tamlin and me? Feyre, you really should get over it." Ianthe said.

"What are you doing here? Did Tammy let you fall?" Feyre asked. She didn't wait for an answer as she walked away but Ianthe got in her way. "I heard you're hanging out with Rhysand now."

"Okay?" Feyre said, trying to walk around Ianthe but she got in her way again.

"What do you think you're doing?" Ianthe asked.

"I want to get to my class." Feyre answered.

She rolled her eyes, chewing obnoxiously loud on her gum. "No, genius, with Rhysand. Get your dirty hands off of him, he's mine, alright?"

"Let's ask him, shall we? I bet he's thrilled being treated like an object." Feyre said.

"I mean it." Ianthe said. "Leave him alone or I'll ruin your ridiculous life." Ianthe gave her one last pretentious look before she walked away.

Feyre rolled her eyes and got to her class. After her class she was looking for Rhys and found him at his locker.

"Wow." Rhys said. "Seeing you at my locker? What a sight. Wasn't it always the other way?"

Feyre snorted. "Do you know Ianthe?"

His smile faded. "Why?"

"Because she was harassing me at my locker earlier to tell me to get my dirty hands off of you. Apparently you're hers." Feyre said.

Rhys rolled his eyes. "If you don't want me to throw up on you then never say that again."

Feyre laughed.

He chuckled but his expression got serious again when he looked at Feyre. "I am talking to her later, she won't harass you again."

"Thanks." Feyre said.

"But first!" Rhys said, closing his locker. "We'll have to survive Strygas class. Feyre, would you do me the honor and accompany me to our next class?" he asked as he held his arm to her.

Feyre linked her arm with his. "It would be a pleasure, Rhys."

They got a few weird looks on their way to their next class but they both didn't care. They just talked to each other and laughed.

After their class Feyre went a last time to her locker for the day to just dump all the unnecessary stuff in there when she heard giggling behind her. When she turned around, Ianthe and her friends stood there, when she looked at them they stopped. Sighing she turned back around and continued to put her stuff into her locker. When her old sketches fell into her hand, Feyre debated if she should put them into her locker too. It was pouring outside, so she decided it was for the best to leave them there. Even if she didn't draw for a while, she didn't want them to get wet and destroyed.

As she closed her locker, the giggling behind her began again.

"What?" Feyre asked, annoyed.

"Nothing." Ianthe said, barely able to hold her laughter in.

She was about to snap something when Mor suddenly was beside her. "Feyre."

"What?" Feyre asked.

"You leaked." Mor said, taking off her jacket. "You have a little stain on your pants. Don't lösten to them, it's not bad."

Mor put her jacket around Feyres waist and knotted the sleeves in the front.

"Oh, very funny, Ianthe." Feyre said. "I got my period. Hilarious. What happened to women support women? Isn't that what you preach on your social media?"

"Careful." Ianthe hissed.

"Or what? You're ruining my life? You're repeating yourself." Feyre snapped as Mor led her to the toilets.

"Do you need a tampon?" Mor asked.

Feyre nodded. Mor rummaged in her backpack until she found it. "Thanks." Feyre said and vanished in one of the cabins.

"What did you mean you said that she's repeating herself?" Mor asked outside. "Did she threaten you?"

"Yes, this morning because she has some weird crush on Rhys." Feyre told her.

"She's crazy." Mor said. "Just stay with one of us until she cooled down a little."

"Do you think she'll try to hurt me?" Feyre asked as she left the toilet cabin and washed her hands.

"No." Mor said. "But she's known for throwing tantrums if she doesn't get what she wants. Nothing serious but I still think it would be better if you stay with us."

Feyre nodded and smiled at her. "Alright."

Mor smiled back at her. "Do you have anything else to wear? PE clothes?"

"No." Feyre said as she followed Mor outside, where Rhys waited.

"That's okay, we'll find something for you at home." Mor said.

Rhys looked a bit annoyed when they neared his car but his face lit up when they saw them. "Can we?"

"Yes." Feyre and Mor said together.

They rest of the afternoon went normal. Mor found two pair of black Jeans that fit Feyre. She told Feyre to keep them because they didn't fit her.

Rhys and Feyre worked a bit on their project until he drove her home so she could change and then he dropped her at work. They just hugged each other quickly as they said goodbye.

Feyre couldn't nap before her shift today so she was already tired a few hours into her shift. She was just in the middle of ringing up a customer when the worst person she could have imagined entered the diner. Feyre had to stifle a groan when Ianthe made her way to the counter. She would have never thought that Ianthe even would visit a diner like this, especially not on a Friday evening when she's usually out with her friends.

Feyre finished ringing up her costumer and started collecting dirty dishes, then made her way back to the kitchen. She stopped in her tracks when she saw who Ianthe was talking to: Feyres manager. Did she really just come in here to complain about something? Feyre barely finished that thought when she got her answer, when both turned to her and Ianthe said something to him. Feyres manager. Feyre tried to not think about it, it was probably just a coincidence that they just turned to her. It was just a coincidence that Ianthe was here while Feyre had her shift. It was a coincidence that Ianthe just talked to her manager.

The dread began building in her but she just walked past them into the kitchen, where she gave her colleague, Tina, the dirty dishes she just collected.

"Are you okay?" Tina asked her. "You look like you saw a ghost."

"I am fine." Feyre said, trying to smile. The look Tina threw her told her that she didn't success. Feyre took a deep breath and stood straight. She wouldn't be scared. Ianthe doesn't have that much power over her.

"Feyre." a voice behind her drawled. Her manager.

"Yes?" Feyre asked.

"We need to talk." he said, a nod of his head signaled her to follow him. The dread began building again but she kept her head high and followed him into his office.

As they sat down her manager began talking again. "So, I just got a complain about you."

Feyre kept silent, wanting him to explain.

"Actually, it wasn't the first complain we got about you. We got complains that you're talking quite rudely to customers." he said.

"That's not true!" Feyre replied.

"Feyre-"

"I never talk rudely to customers! You know that!" she interrupted him.

"I thought I knew but the complains say otherwise, Feyre. Or are you suggesting they lied?"

"Yes, they lied! They girl outside was accusing me of things I didn't do. She's a liar!" Feyre said. Tears of anger began lining her eyes. She couldn't cry, not yet.

"What about the other complains?" her manager asked. "Are they liars too?"

"Who else complained about me?" Feyre asked.

"We got some calls.."

"Calls?" Feyre yelled. "Are you serious?"

"Do not raise your voice, Feyre. That wasn't everything. We also got complains that costumers saw you eating leftovers off plates."

"Are you fucking serious? Do you even hear how ridiculous that sounds?" she yelled. Feyre was seething. She wouldn't sink that deep. She never did and her manager knew that. "I didn't do that!"

"I am sorry, Feyre. We are not tolerating this behavior, your employment here has ended. You will receive an official letter soon in the mail." he said, leaning back in his chair.

"You can't just fire me." Feyre said.

"I can and I just did." he replied.

Feyre abruptly stood up and ran out of the room. She changed as fast as she could and stormed out of the diner. She stormed over the parking lot and just walked. She walked and walked and walked. She wasn't going home, she was walking in the opposite direction. She stopped walking when she recognized the neighborhood. She was almost there but she couldn't just show up without notice. So Feyre fished her phone out of her pocket and called him.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice answered on the other end of the line. Feyre couldn't respond because she knew her voice would break right now.

"Hello?" he asked again.

"Rhys?" Feyre asked quietly.

It was quiet for a few seconds until Rhys answered. "Feyre?"

"I-" Feyre scrambled for words. "I know it's late but- can I please come over?"

"Of course." he instantly replied. "Do you want me to pick you up? Are you at the diner?"

"No." she said. "I am actually almost there. I am already in your neighborhood."

"Alright." he said, groaning. It sounded like he just sat up in bed. "I'm coming down."

"Thank you." Feyre said. "I am there in a minute."

She hung up and stood shortly after before Rhys's front door. She didn't even have to knock or ring the bell because the door already opened. There stood Rhysand in sweatpants and a black shirt he had probably quickly thrown over and his hair messy. He stepped aside for her to enter the house and quietly shut the door behind her. He led her to a beautiful sitting room where they both sat down.

"What happened?" Rhys asked beside her.

Feyre opened her mouth but her day just came crushing down on her, she buried her head in her hands and cried. Rhys was there in an instant and took her into his arms. She didn't know how long they sat there like this. It could have been a few minutes or a few hours, Feyre lost every feeling for time.

She winced when Naya suddenly asked behind them "Why are you awake? It's late."

Feyre turned around and met Nayas eyes. "Feyre." she said. "What's going on, sweetheart? Why are you crying?"

She walked over to Feyre and sat on a chair before hair. Tears still rolled down Feyres cheeks.

"Get her glass of water, please." Naya said to Rhys.

"It's okay." Feyre answered but Rhys was already gone.

"Look at me, Feyre." Naya said and Feyre did. She held her hands out and let Feyre decide if she wants to take them. Sniffing Feyre accepted and Naya smiled at her. "Good. And now breath in." Feyre followed her instructions. "Perfect and now breathe out." Feyre did. They repeated that a few times until Rhys was back with a glass of water and a box of tissues.

"Thank you." Feyre whispered. She took the water and wished her tears away. After her first sip Naya said. "Good. Now tell us what happened."

"I was working my normal shift." Feyre explained. "Then Ianthe came in while I was ringing up a costumer and when I was done she was talking to my manager. I already had a bad feeling but I tried to ignore it until my manager came to tell me that we have to talk." Feyre took a tissue when the tears began falling again. "He told me that there were complaints about me. That I was talking rude to costumers and that they apparently saw me eating their leftovers. Which isn't true, I never did that. She got her stupid friends to call the diner and complain about me."

Naya just nodded and listened while Feyre was talking. Rhys got closer while she talked and Feyre automatically grabbed his hand. He squeezed it back.

Sniffing Feyre said. "I can't afford to lose this job. I just doomed my whole family. We're gonna be homeless and it's my fault." she sobbed.

"Feyre." Naya said. "Feyre, it's not your fault. I promise you we'll find a way, okay? You're gonna sleep in guest room that's near Rhys tonight and tomorrow we'll find a solution. Okay?"

Feyre nodded. Naya bend forward and enveloped Feyre in a tight hug. "It will be okay, sweetheart. I promise we will find a way. You're not doomed."

Feyre nodded. "Thank you." she whispered.

Naya and Rhys showed her the guest room where Feyre slept that night. Naya even found a Pyjama for Feyre, that was similar to her own. Just that Nayas was long sleeved and grey and Feyres Pyjama was short sleeved and midnight blue. She didn't lie when she said the guest room was near Rhys's bedroom, it was almost directly across from Rhys. Naya showed her where she could find hygiene products after Feyre sheepishly asked, remembering that it was still the time of the month.

Feyre thanked Rhys and told him that he could go to sleep again before she changed into night clothes. He asked her if she was sure and made her promise to wake him if she needed something. She also told Naya that she didn't have to stay but Naya insisted she stayed until Naya herself tugged Feyre into bed and wished her a goodnight.

Feyre realized that this was the first time she ever got tugged into bed since she can remember. After that sleep got her and she fell into a deep sleep.

[oof-big-oof]

ACOTAR and Setups Part II: Tamlin and Rhysand

SPOILERS: ACOTAR series (and Macbeth too ig)

Part 1: Feyre

In "Macbeth", Macbeth and Banquo are narrative foils to each other. While Banquo is loyal to the king and uses language of growth and imagery of nature when he speaks, the traitor Macbeth's words are full of references to destruction, fire, and unholy happenings. Foils are not just good ways to explore character traits, but also excellent for setting up conflicts and exploring the thematic concerns of the world.

I think it's safe to say Tamlin and Rhysand are foils. They have opposing imagery (spring, flowers and sun for Tamlin, winter, snow and night for Rhysand) and always stand in opposition to each other when it comes to Feyre's narrative, switching in and out of being the "bad guy" and the "good guy". But the way this is handled is .... eh.

I'm going to look at shifts in Feyre, Tamlin and Rhys that work of this foil - and try to look for when and how they were set up.

1. Feyre's shift - TW: discussions of abuse, mental health issues

In the first book, Tamlin is a source of protection and love for Feyre. But by the second book, Feyre is not only struggling with her PTSD but has begun to realise that life at the Spring Court as a dolled up accessory might not be for her. By the end of the book, she has found her place in the Night Court - by Rhysand's side. And honestly? Go girl! Go live up to your potential!

The problem arises with how this is done - that is, Sarah J Mass never does the brunt work of showing us why Feyre cares. It is plausible she is motivated by a desire to protect the human lands, but we never actually see that. There isn't a moment where she realises she needs to work for a greater good, or a moment she realises that she needs to protect those more vulnerable than her - instead, the narrative has her tolerating abuse until she finally has had enough.

Which is great. I have got to admit that I really like the explicit rejection of a happily ever after storyline for Feyre because it took away her agency. But we get this radical shift in character motivation from wanting to be protected and comfortable with those she loves to desiring agency and understanding of herself in two lines:

"The girl who had needed to be protected and who had craved stability and comfort... she had died Under the Mountain"

and

"I didn't know how to go back to those things. To being docile"

hhhhhh. I mean - if you have to say it that explicitly, you're already doing something wrong. But also, why? We never see Feyre struggling with herself in her new body, and wondering why she does not want the same things as she did when she was a human, never see an impetus point for when her desires shifted.

But honestly? I don't mind Feyre's arc. I think it's a bit confused and lacks clarity or intent, and as a result, it is harder to root for her because you don't quite know what she wants, but I think it's still quite good. Where I really have problems are with Tamlin ad Rhys.

2. Tamlin - TW: discussions of abuse, mental health issues

I am not a fan of Tamlin's arc. You could argue that it is part of the thematic message of the series: that things are not as they seem. Tamlin is the wolf to the savour to the abuser, Rhysand is the "most beautiful man " Feyre had ever seen to Amarantha's monster to Feyre's eventual mate. But - the constant twists are unnecessary, more importantly, they and have little to no foreshadowing and just seem like retcons- making it seem as if they are there to keep the audience guessing rather than genuine plot progressions. This becomes even more obvious when the series abandons its core theme of "appearance vs reality" altogether, and as a result loses a lot of its cohesion: a direct consequence of having a bad setup.

His reason for doing the abusive things he does is conveyed to us in two lines, in the same monologue that Feyre's motivation is:

"Tamlin had gotten his powers back, had become whole again - become that protector and provider he wished to be"

Sure. He was much more powerful than Feyre when they first met, so I am having a hard time buying it is the return of the powers that his making him act this way. We know that his actions come from a genuine desire to protect Feyre - this is the guy that was willing to sacrifice his life multiple times and the future of his entire court to keep her safe. The only justification we have left then for the way he acts is that his PTSD, borne out of the trauma and torture he underwent and watched Feyre undergo changed him in some way.

This is why the endless villainizing of Tamlin makes me really uncomfortable. While it is true that the abused can become the abuser, and figuring out how to help them while protecting yourself is something that absolutely needs to be discussed and explored - the way it is done with Tamlin is horrendous because he is never given a chance to heal. Instead, he is thrown from plot point to plot point, an eternal punching bag for the Inner Circle and others to seem morally superior in front of.

And his treatment of Feyre is just weird. If he's so concerned about her safety - why does he not wake up when she has nightmares? Is he instead trying to pretend like everything is okay - if so why does he give Feyre an escort of guards? If his core motivation is protecting Feyre at all costs - why does he lash out at her?? And the text really tries to tell us how to feel about him in this regard, but it doesn't do it very well. For example, take the scene where Tamlin says "There is no such thing as a High Lady". Feyre a second before expressed her desire not to take on any responsibility, and Tamlin responded with this - and the text really makes us want to hate him for it, but all you can see is a person who is perhaps not the best at reading subtext trying his best.

In conclusion - Tamlin's shift to the villain of the narrative is hamhanded and underexplained, making it hard to genuinely hate him, and further confusing the narrative.

3. Rhys the foil gets the girl - TW: discussions of abuse, sexual assault mental health issues

Rhysand in the first book is interesting - he clearly has a heart and a soft spot for Feyre but is also a schemer with dubious motives that drugs and sexually harasses Feyre. There are places in the set up where we understand he cares - but never where we can begin to see he might be a genuine paragon of virtue.

And I will address this more in my post on ACOMAF, but the point I am trying to make here is: we are told through the constantly opposing imagery that Rhys and Tamlin are wolds apart - but never actually given examples of how. Rhys is said to be different from Tamlin because he respects Feyre's choice - but he drugs her in a bunch of weird scenes (that serve no clear narrative purpose by the way - like what was he trying to achieve? why he couldn't he just let Feyre in on that part of the plan?) and withholds information from her about life-threatening situations. Rhys is said to pull less rank - but we multiple times see others defer to him, especially in later books, and never actually see rank being enforced in Tamlin's court with his treatment of Lucien (many times described as his partner, and openly questioning him) and later Ianthe. Rhys is said to have less archaic laws in opposition to Tamlin's Tithe - but he abandons the Court of Nightmares to the monsters who rule it, and never takes serious actions against the Illyrian people who clip of women's wings, and a lot of Tamlin's idea of racial superiority and general superiority just come completely out of left field in the middle of ACOMAF.

Both of them are problematic - it's just that the text tells us to root for one, without actually showing us how one is better, or setting up any clear ideological difference between them. And that cheapens Feyre's character shift and lessen the efficacy of the foil - turning it into Feyre hopping from one lover to the other with little to no character consistency and no nuanced exploration of the theme of the series or trauma.