#/ delete later. \
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learned a few months ago that apparently the name position in ship names indicates who's top/bottom???? i thought, okay that's probably a new thing but now i'm wondering......
is this a new thing or have i actually missed a crucial naming convention for ships for more than a decade
#i just can't subscribe to that. it's always been about whatever sounds better#but i now wonder if people ever thought i /did/ have a preference#i'm too into characters being switches to fuck with ''actually if you put x character's name first then they're the top''#and yes i did find out because of orv and the ''main'' ship to come out of it#fra.txt#fandom truly never stops surprising you#okay i mean i do have preferences for certain characters but nothing actually set in stone like that#and i certainly would never fucking indicate it through the ship name lmao#delete later.#probably
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i like Stoliz as a concept, but if i wanted to watch a melodramatic romance with a huge breakup that the main character obsesses over as the main driving force of the show where all the side characters (especially the female ones) only exist to boost up the main character, i would just watch Naruto
#delete later.#roleplay was a mistake. || ooc.#fandom crit.#((i liked the dynamic a lot more pre-meowmeowfication of stolas where he treated blitz as more of a plaything))#((and tbh that would've been actually interesting to see play out with blitz being this proud guy already looked down upon in this society)#((forced into this role as basically a royal's toy in exchange for access to do his job))#((dealing with all that goes with that position while also slowing catching feelings for a pompous guy he wants to hate))#((i don't just blame viv bc brandon was the one who allegedly really pushed for stoliz to be developed like it is))#((but it could've been done a lot better than it is))#((i just don't feel bad for either of them; they're both in the wrong and have done bad things))#((but it's being shown like stolas is the poor suffering victim of blitz's narcissism and played for laughs on blitz's end))#helluva boss spoilers#((just in case))
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sorry but i'm going to need everyone to stop writing autistic / "gifted" (in quotes because i hate that term) characters who were little baby geniuses that skipped grades and graduated as valedictorian and were every teacher's pet because it's the most unrealistic shit ever and kind of just perpetuates this ableist misconception when in reality most autistic / gifted kids are more likely to be abused and exploited and bullied (both by peers and teachers), especially if they are not rich and especially if they are not white
#delete later.#i don't wanna fuck w anyone's characterization but i see this trope being written far too often#and i need people to acknowledge how harmful is actually is because the reality of what happens is really bleak#i know most people just aren't aware that it's harmful and aren't being malicious#but please talk to any person who actually experienced being a gifted autistic child#i can almost promise you that very few have good things to say about their school experience#i'm very sensitive about it because being that kid and experiencing certain things still affects me to this day#and it is something that is currently affecting my best friend's little sister who is in middle school#please if you aren't sure how to write these characters you can literally come ask me questions (even if we aren't mutuals)#i won't sugarcoat it bc i do want people to understand the reality#like pleeeeease i am begging bc its just getting so hard to see everyone make this mistake again and again#SORRY FOR THE RANT. I REALLY HAD TO SAY IT#rant tw /
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so tired of men in this community using me for emotional support or kink fodder then disposing of me when they're bored or find someone newer and shinier to play with
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#i won't say a single thing cause i have lost hope at this point BUT. .. BUT-#my bet is on signora pulling a 'wanderer' where her come back makes her part of the i.nazuma rooster but. .BUT#if it's another small female character that isn't a yokai im gonna b heavily disappointed#︾╼╼ █ █ ║˚ ▹ BERRY SPEAKS.▕🗲#DELETE LATER.#c'mon honey. psss psss. do a tingyun on us ASJKHDKSA#tw. GENSHIN LEAKS.
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I'm so agitated that I want to scream into my hands and throw things but I will do neither because I am a good boy and both actions are pointless anyway. I also have food to eat.
I think I am motivated by the thought of transitioning only because I want the pain to stop. What pain, exactly? I can't place it, just only makes sense to describe the emotion as "pain".
I don't care about the ideal self, I don't think I have one. I don't even think these things would make me happy, this is because I don't actually know what is making me so sad.
I just want to get it over with and never think about it ever again and never tell anyone about it and never be questioned about it and– and– and...
Just a terrible, terrible burden for me. When I first started having this problem I struggled against it quite a lot as I really did not want it to be true, because I knew it would make me very miserable—either from other people or from myself.
Indeed it has made me very miserable. Bleat that it is a self-fulfilling prophecy if it makes you happy to say this to me at all, I'm not blind to the idea, but really I have always been very introverted and afraid of doctors. Or perhaps it is that I am a private person, I couldn't tell you.
"Afraid of doctors"... I was not born this way, obviously, but it has been with me since a traumatic event and I cannot make it better. The related fear of needles I am over, voluntary submission to blood tests has made it subside, now what remains is just something I do not understand.
The only reason I am so agitated to begin with is because I try making progress with transitioning so people are happy with me but I end up feeling like I am in a cage and people are sticking cattle-prods in my sides.
"So people are happy with me", I don't even know what I mean by this, it just feels like the correct sentence I am looking for.
To finish the sentiment, what I was saying is that I tried making progress with this and merely research gives me an awful panic/anxiety attack. Medical problems worsen this, and my head just hurts...
I try not to be a cynical person, I actually dislike that kind of attitude a lot... but I think the subject of my own transsexualism brings out a kind of cynicism, the one adjacent to pessimism, regarding myself.
Regardless... I have to go and eat. I'm not agitated anymore, I just sort of stop caring about this subject, or about myself. More specifically I think after this kind of emotion I lose sight of painful goals, not of my own volition. Bye-bye for now.
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lol people who keep saying that sims 3 sims are ugly ok come on show me how big your cc folder is
#when i was playing sims 4 i needed literally 25 gig of cc just to make my sims dont look like avatars from a mobile game#and then another 15 just to make my game playable#in the sims 3 my cc folder right now is literally just 9 gigs and not to toot my own horn#but my sims look great. so much more proud of what i created in ts3 than in ts4#this is just tiring lol#delete later.
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sending anon hate in 2024 is very cringe and some of y'all need to get a hobby smh
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GOOD MORNING HAPPY FIREFIGHTER DAY
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it's a munday in europe. uhhh becomes yuji and sukuna
also yuji looks good with glasses
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What if dragons were like ribbon eels?
#ooc . . . 100 frogs in a trench coat.#[ ooc . . . its 2am i cant sleep and my cool fish facts book from elementary school is looking at me on the shelf across the room rn [#delete later.
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WHAT THE FUCK
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so what are yalls thoughts on a love triangle route
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A friend told me that a huge docs with g.enshin voice directions + initial character description got lea.ked, they searched and found that it includes K.azuha's initial profile description ( when he was once K.iryu Ka.zuha ) and gods. . . it includes GAA2 lines as well AS A TOMO DESCRIPTION AND I'M GOING INSANE ! ! ! Putting it under the cut A AA A A:
万叶的友人,18岁,同为眼狩令之下的通缉犯,勇敢地选择对抗。年轻、对未来抱有憧憬,敢于怀疑一切自己不认可的事物。英年早逝美少年。,"Kazuha's friend, 18 years old, and a fellow wanted criminal under the Vision Hunt Decree. Bravely chose to fight back. Young, full of hopes and dreams about the future, dares to question everything he doesn't agree with. A wonderful youth who died before his time.",
CANON TOMO DESCRIPTION SAVE ME. Wdym they "died before their time" ? ! I'm not okay ! ! ! I do believe that the ages were changed as the initial Kazuha was described around 16-17 plus, Kazuha drinking in canon shows that he ISN'T a minor. According to the description Tomo truly IS someone that will rebel, they are truthful to their beliefs and that they do question everything. Also the last part. . . DIED BEFORE THEIR TIME . . . it makes me wonder if they KNEW what was planned for them and they decided to change their fate.
"FULL OF HOPES AND DREAMS ABOUT THE FUTURE" they represent inazuma's ambitions and I'M NOT OKAY.
#︾╼╼ █ █ ║˚ ▹ BERRY SPEAKS.▕🗲#HOW ? ? ? WHY ??? aaah it also has a small description of kaz.u's dad and grandpa !! !#AAAA AA AAA#DELETE LATER.
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nothing wrong with crying and i very much approve of the practice i just don't personally partake in it, so you can imagine the expression my mom had on her face when she turned around in the kitchen to the sound of me suddenly, loudly sobbing as i started doing the dishes
#bro i was bawling. 0/10 not a good crier#also mom and dad kept like trying to comfort me and they were just not saying the right thing so at one#point i just had to pull back from the hug#she went ''what all done?'' and i cringed and went ''this isn't comforting''#and she jokingly said ''i feel used now'' like bro 💀💀💀#she was being nice i enjoyed the hug. got her shoulder all wet ✌🏼🥰#fra.txt#dad just rubbing my back saying the same things#like guys how is it a surprise that ''it's always been like this'' and ''one day we'll all be dead and there'll be peace''#aren't exactly making me have heart#they try. i love them very much#i pulled back like /trying/ to be nice about it. felt all cried out anyway so i just went ''yeah i'm over it now i'm good''#if she had not insisted i wouldn't have been... as specific.... in my feedback lmao#delete later.#probably lmaoo
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State of transsexualism in this country is fucking miserable, I really cannot forgive myself for backing out all those years ago. We wouldn't be in this situation, would we.
#I didn't sleep but it seems to be silencing my mood a little which is nice.#Else I would've started hyperventilating.#I can't remember the reason I still have a female legal name and I don't even want to try and look currently.#I just can't do this currently.#I've decided to pursue that even though I don't even know if I care or not I feel no excitement.#Head in hands. Head in hands.#I can't put myself through the fucking humiliation of appointments with a therapist or whatever they were again.#Not now and not in the estimated five years or whatever the fuck.#I don't know what to do.#delete later.
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