#/ FUCKKKK THISSSSSSSS

[okcoolthanks]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghggggggghhhhhgghgghhgghgghgvhhgggsgvvvvvdbdvsvdvfhffbdvsvsvdvvdbdvsvshshdifbejdvdjdhdvdjdbfbdvshshdhdvsjdjfbf

[bejaeyoung]

siwoo doesn't really budge. even with a pen jabbed straight into his chest, all jay receives is a smile—fond, almost. "you look like you want it to be a knife," jay states. knows it to be true. despite all of siwoo's put-together facade, jay knows siwoo for who he truly is—a filthy, desperate man with an intense dislike for himself. it's a side not a lot of people gets to see from someone as skilled at hiding as siwoo. a coward, jay thinks, that's what he is.

the script compells jay to say nothing more, allowing the scene to run its course. it's siwoo's turn, so he observes. siwoo looks self-satisfied—jay can figure out why, as subtle as his reaction had been, of course siwoo noticed. he's the only one who would, no matter how muted he tried to be. it's annoying, but the winning seat is still open for the taking. this minigame they're playing is far from over, there's a few more pages to the script. there's still a moment, in this instance, to change the tide. and for that, to ensure the upperhand—jay studies siwoo's face. nothing jay hasn't done, it's easy. siwoo is quite emotive with his expressions, regardless of appearances.

what he notices first is a shift in siwoo's eyes, how it lingers for far too long on jay's lips. far from a simple glimpse—siwoo is staring with an intensity that could burn holes into jay's lips; a hunger jay had witnessed before, but not to this extent. all this attention, with jay being its sole recipient. then, siwoo's gaze diverts itself for a quick moment, and jay follows—to the mirrors surrounding them. siwoo seems to be inspecting them, contemplative. it's a little obvious, exactly what siwoo is thinking. what it is siwoo wants, but can't have. not right now, not here.

jay makes note of that, mentally. siwoo, unable to tear his eyes away from jay. even as siwoo begins uttering his lines—no, they're not all from the script. ryu siwoo is speaking, has been for a while. even this fictional character's lines becomes a reflection of what must be siwoo's inner monologue, a sprinkle of truth between the cobweb of lies that siwoo has built throughout their years of knowing one another.

once again, the pen leaves jay's hands, taken away by siwoo—their fingers brush against one another. on purpose, naturally. every move siwoo makes right now is calculated, perhaps in an attempt to make jay break—to bring out a greater response out of him. anything. siwoo is a sick man, he must be feeling a sparkle of glee as he realizes he managed to affect jay with his words and actions. so, it continues. it won't end, not this soon. jay's okay with that, though. he's in it for the long game, after all.

the other boy returns to the script. this is still practice, they're on company time. siwoo reads out lines, but they feel like siwoo sharing a part of his story too. he speaks of hating people, of having a temper. jay snorts; it's siwoo, again. even while playing his character, siwoo is simply being himself. i don’t know what kind of expression i might show you, what i might do, or what i might say to you, siwoo says aloud. jay smiles, his expression showing no hints to his own thoughts. siwoo has said a lot of things, many contradict one another. jay is left to pick up the pieces of the puzzle and shove them together, hoping to find a pair that match. he's been at it for a while, to this day.

i'm scared, that i'll lose you.

another line that wasn't written into the script. siwoo's original work. jay meets siwoo's eyes, properly this time—and there it is. the desire, the burning need, the lust that can't be concealed behind those lashes. but, there's an inkling of fear too, somewhere in there. obscured, yet present nonetheless. where did it come from, jay wonders. siwoo presents him a new sight, a face jay hadn't seen before.

even if i end up becoming the asshole to end all assholes later on, remember i really like you, jay.

jay feels the pen against his chest, following the rhythm of his heartbeat. three times. siwoo has moved his chess piece, now, it's jay's turn.

he holds a breath, worries his bottom lip between his teeth—completely aware that siwoo is watching, wants him to. makes sure it's redder afterwards, knows that siwoo would notice the small change in color. a darker shade. jay hums, looking down at his script. he knows exactly where he should start, and how. he'd always been a rather competitive person—the more his opponent ups the stakes, the higher jay will reach.

and he's playing with siwoo. siwoo deserves every bit of his effort; jay will grasp at anything to ensure a win in this match too. siwoo never liked it easy.

looking back up at siwoo, jay smiles—devious, nothing siwoo isn't used to. like he knows how to gain the upper-hand, and is about to play his good cards. "i want to record it," jay recites the words. he, himself, decides to direct his gaze towards the mirrors in the training room, letting siwoo know exactly what he means. "should we? record everything?" he questions, an additional line not in the script. but does it matter? they're already reaching the end of the page, jay could afford to add a bit more flare into the mix. what was that called... improv?

before siwoo is allowed the opportunity to dwell on his words, jay continues. no breaks, no pauses. "do you know how you look right now?" he moves a little to the side, allowing siwoo to see himself in the mirror behind jay. he takes the pen from siwoo's hand once more, sliding it up siwoo's neck, using it to tip siwoo's chin just a bit from a distance. anything closer would be dangerous, but jay lives for the thrill of danger; they can't do more than this, though.

"that's quite the face, ryu siwoo," he whispers, lower—the tone he'd use when he'd sit on siwoo's lap, whispering filth to rile the other up. he's sure siwoo remembers, maybe he has jay's voice memorized by now. this, too, is no different. only safer, by a small margin. "you should be scared to lose me," jay replies. "but you won't, no matter what you say or do. no matter how much of an asshole you become."

he retracts the pen, it returns to its original position, against jay's lips—pressing down, gently. "liking isn't enough," jay concludes, a final statement. "so, be greedier." he dips the pen in between his lips, bites on it—then, laughs.

now, it's jay holding the pen against siwoo's lips, tracing the tip against the shape of it. "your turn, siwoo. end the scene how you want to."

if you can, jay should add. but it's already implied. they're treading dangerous waters, he wants to see if siwoo would dive in head first. if siwoo starts to drowns, would he pull jay down with him?

fuck.

what the fuck is he doing? had siwoo momentarily lost it – no, he’s sure he hadn’t. it had been on purpose, every line, every word, had it’s own calculated meaning. his heart thumps against his chest, and his eyes fall from jay to the script at hand. if it were anyone else, if siwoo were to do this with anyone else – he’s sure that they would break, sure that they wouldn’t be able to quite handle whatever sort of mind game siwoo’s playing. 

but it’s jay, it’s because it’s jay that this excites him. he wants to know how jay feels, wants to know if he’s able to affect jay the way jay affects him – from his heart, all the way to his mind. he lifts his eyes, and they meet jay’s, though they stop momentarily at his lips. they’re trembling, he thinks. cute. he feels a lump in his throat as jay takes the pen between his lips, fuck, he thinks. 

he doesn’t reply though, instead he watches as jay collects himself – his voice weaker, teeth against his lip. there’s a sense of odd satisfaction that siwoo can’t quite place his finger on. that at the very least, his words had gotten some sort of reaction out of jay. it’s selfish, siwoo knows this, but he can’t quite help it. he thinks he’s been selfish for a long time, if possible he’d want to keep every reaction to himself, to bottle it up and keep it locked away in a place no one else could quite reach. no, that’s not it. he wants to keep jay locked away, far from everyone else’s reach. just his. a place where they’d only need each other. an obsession, siwoo thinks, he’s obsessed with him. 

jay says his lines ( of which there aren’t many – it really is a scene where siwoo’s character is made to confess, and jay’s character is made to listen ), and then he laughs. 

you’ve liked a lot of people though.

oh. the lines between reality and fiction begin to blur. siwoo knows that this isn’t in the script, it’s jay. it’s a direct answer to him. something in his mind twitches, and he smiles – like a chess piece has been moved and it’s his turn next. and this, this is the kind of reaction only jay can elicit out of him. no one else, just jay. only jay.

his heart clenches in his chest even more, and he feels the pen jabbed straight into his chest. “careful,” he says, but his smile is wide – it’s affectionate. “if this were a knife, you would’ve killed me.” not that he’d mind, he thinks it would be romantic, apt even, if he were to be killed by jay. he thinks that if anything, jay could kill him, and he’d like that very much.

but jay is cute. jay is so fucking cute, and it frustrates siwoo that his heart’s immediate reaction is to kiss but he can’t. he can’t because of these fucked up cameras. his gaze shifts to the full length mirrors against the wall, he wonders how jay would look against them, with siwoo inside him, if his voice would still remain as shaky as they sound right now whilst calling out his name. siwoo would do the same, he'd repeat jay's name like a prayer, like maybe if he said it enough times, he'd finally be granted what he wants.

would the angle be captured well on camera? could siwoo perhaps buy his way into the footage? fuck. right. no. he shouldn’t be thinking about that, but he feels as though he’s now boring holes into jay’s lips. fuck, fuck, fuck.

“not enough to stay,” he replies with a smile, he’s no longer replying as mr gu from the drama they’re re-enacting. it’s him, it’s ryu siwoo now that’s speaking. “only when it’s you.” he takes the pen, makes a show to touch jay’s hands as he does so. 

he lets out a soft cough, and lifts his script. “i really hate people,” he reads. but at this point, it’s fact – a fact about siwoo that he’s sure jay would know. siwoo gets easily annoyed, and he’s never quite hid it when with jay. “i hate seeing them moving in front of me. if my temper suddenly flares, i don’t know what kind of expression i might show you, what i might do, or what i might say to you,” what kind of expression am i making now? he wants to ask. do i look pathetic? 

he feels pathetic, as he stares at jay. how much longer should he run? can he run? his legs are getting tired, but if he stops – would the game stop too? if he gives in, would jay inevitably leave him? he feels pathetic. he feels greedy.

“i’m scared,” he continues, “that i’ll lose you,” another line, not in the script, but to hell with that now. siwoo is scared. he’s a coward, and has never thought that he should be allowed this happiness with jay. happiness is fleeting – if he lets himself indulge in it too much, in these thoughts, would that mean he’d lose jay? siwoo is a pessimist, and the fear of losing jay scares him more than anything else. yet, the feelings that begin to surge out of him, those feelings, soon enough, he’s sure they might wash away his fear. would that be okay?

“but, remember this one thing. even if i end up becoming the asshole to end all assholes later on,” he smiles, genuine, “remember i really like you, jay,” ah. his throat feels dry. his eyes fall to jay’s lips again, but siwoo can feel his own trembling, as if the truth had slipped out of him ( it had, though only a quarter. he knows, he knows that like would barely touch the surface of what he feels. and maybe that also scared him ). 

he clicks the pen with his thumb. i must look pathetic, he thinks. his heart feels raw, like it might bleed at any moment. he feels vulnerable, but his mind is racing, it feels more alive than it’s ever been. again, a feeling that only jay seems to elicit out of him. 

he doesn’t jab jay’s chest, instead, he gently taps on it with the pen three times. “your turn, jay.”

[lesbianhallieparker]

FUCKKKK THISSSSSSSS

[hongjooong]

when you lose power during a zoom call

[the-fp-collective]

AATHRHRHRSHSKDJDOANIR FUCKKKK THISSSSSSSS

[theglimmmertwins]

EVERYONE SHOULD BE IN BED LIKE THISSSSSSSS FUCKKKK THIISSS SHIIITTTTTTT

[seastarved]

GOD THIS SONG FUCKED ME UP MORE THAN ANY OTHER SO MUCH LIKE JUST THE MUSIC AND THE LYRICS AND THE EMMA SWAN OF IT ALL WAS THE END OF ME

LIKE GOSH DAMN FUCK SHE STARTED SINGING AND THOSE PIANO NOTES FROM THE THEME AND I HAD GOOSEBUMPS AND IMMEDIATE TEARS IN MY EYES

I AM SO FUCKING EMOTIONAL ABOUT EMMA SWAN OK? LIKE SHE’S BEEN ALONE AND SHE’S BEEN ABANDONED SO MUCH AND STILL SHE LOVES SO FUCKING MUCH AND SHE CARES SO MUCH AND SHE JUST HAS SO MUCH EMPATHY FOR EVERYONE EVER AND SHE LOVES HER FAMILY ENOUGH TO DIE FOR THEM WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT AND I JUST-- SHE DESERVES THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD AND MORE OK?

THE WAY HER VOICE CRACKS WHEN SHE SINGS THE LINE ABOUT EVERYTHING BEING HOPELESS KILLS ME SO FUCKING MUCH UGHH ALSO ALSO FUCK CAN WE TALK ABOUT HENRY

AND HOW HE’S HERE AND HOW MUCH I LOVE THAT THIS IS COMING DOWN AGAIN TO HENRY AND EMMA BREAKING A CURSE AND IT’S HENRY WHO GETS EMMA TO BELIEVE

AND FIND THE SONG AND THE POWER THAT’S BEEN INSIDE OF HER ALWAYS LIKE FUCKING WHAT A CALLBACK, WHAT A PARALLEL, I AM FUCKING DEAD AND CRYING SO FUCKING MUCH GODDAMN

AND THIS FUCKING MOMENT! THEY PLACED A SONG INSIDE MY HEART MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU LIKE JMO ACTED THE FUCK OUT OF THIS AND I AM HURT IN MY HEART PLACE BECAUSE LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL EMMA SWAN BELIEVING IN THE POWER OF HOPE AND MAGIC AND THE BEST PART, BELIEVING THAT IT’S BEEN INSIDE HER THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME

AND HER SINGING TO HER PARENTS ABOUT RUNNING AND FUCK ME UP

AT THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT THEM LIKE WHAT IS THIS EMOTION IN MY HEART TAKE IT AWAY

I KNOW WHAT I’M LIVING FOR AND SHE LOOKS AT HENRY WHILE HOLDING HER PARENTS’ HANDS AND OMGGGGG AND THEN FUCKING SHE IMMEDIATELY LOOKS AT KILLIAN FUCKING JONES AND THIS IS WHERE I TRULY LOST IT 

BECAUSE PLS YOU DO NOT HAVE EMMA SWAN SINGING THE LINE I’M NO LONGER SEARCHING AND HAVE HER WALK TOWARD KILLIAN JONES IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME IN AN UPRIGHT POSITION. I AM SORRY, THIS IS NOT HAPPENING, I AM NOW A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR

AND FUCKING SHE LOVES HIM SO MUCH LOOK AT HER GOODAMNIT WHAT IS THISSSSSSSS

THE REUNION HUGS THOUGH LIKE THIS FAMILY WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME ALSO PLS NOTE KILLIAN JONES WAITING HIS TURN BUT HE CAN’T GET HIS EYES OFF HIS SWAN EVEN FOR A MOMENT FUCKKKK

AND HER FUCKING SMILE WHEN SHE’S LIKE YOU WERE WITH ME MY WHOLE LIFE LIKE THE FUCKKKKKK

AND THEN THE FUCKING HUGGG AND I KNOW WHAT’S COMING NEXT BECAUSE I SAW THE START OF THE TRANSITION BUT OMG GUYS I AM SOOOO NOT READY HELPPPP

[num3ric411y]

wwhyyyy the F U CK am I almost having a panic attack in the fucking library??? aren't these places supposed to be peaceful and shit??? god I hate myself sometimes fuckkkk thissssssss

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 07.01.17 lb

yikes i'd forgotten what a shitty overdramatic point i'd left off at. 

if shivaay's fired the whole security team, why hasn't he fired khanna as well? like, he knows khanna is a useless lump of the first order, who's just here to invade his privacy and make his creepy lil videos? khanna should have been fired FIRST ffs. 🙄🙄🙄

TIA! I MISSED YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE, my prettyful hell-demon! 😍😍😍

oBro moment! oh, i missed these three losers! *squishes all of them into a giant hug* 😚😚😚

oh boy. i did NOT really miss om's shayaari at moments of crisis. 😒😒😒

but i suppose i should suck it up and savour it now, before he descends into his grumpy emo phase. 😐😐😐

shivaay's "OMFG fuckkkk you" face, lol. #same 😂😂😂

i mean, i love om and all, but his flair for such nonsense round-about talk would get on my nerves veryyyy quickly. 😑😑😑

thanks rudra, for deciphering that very confusing statement into mortal ppl speak. 😙😙😙

loving tia's cuteass crop top outfit. i love her i love her i love her. 😍😍😍

ouffo, this lady v/s lady fight. ughhhhhh. tell me this shit ends quickly. please. tell me, you guys in the future! tell me this nonsense is over! 😩😩😩

probably not, since i saw that today’s episode has svetlana and anika naagin dancing. 😶😶😶

to which i’m just like:

ok tia, KAUN ROBIN? really? come on, girl. 😑😑😑

tia, please. work on your poker face. 😕😕😕

why would the letter come to the oberois' if robin's not at "his" house? 🤔🤔🤔

pfffffffft tia, you’ve dug your own grave here by acting so shady in front of nancy drew here. 🙄🙄🙄

lmao, svetlana's dramatic wake up and super angry way she's getting outta bed. 😂😂😂

whatchu talking about, svetlana? i leto-fy in bed all day, and it's quite aasaan. 😇😇😇 #4everHorizontal

supporting your sister murder the girl who pisses her off. now THIS is what i call #sisterhood. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

meanwhile, these three idiots... pfffffft. 🙄🙄🙄

who knew om was such a food snob? 🤔🤔🤔

um shivaay, ghee is good in SMALL quantities. like a spoon or two. *arteries hardening at the thought of ghee-fried puris* 😬😬😬

lol rudra's not having any of shivaay's drama. 😂😂😂

hee hee heee, counter point by shivaay who knows all that's going down on the staircases in the dead of night. 😚😚😚

oh god they're gonna start singing and dancing, aren't they? *pre-emptive fwding* ⏩⏩⏩

ok anika, don't make it all awkward now. 

pft, anika says the same nonsense every time she sees an oBro moment. how amazingggggg it is. like, it was cool the first few times, but come on. it’s three grownass men having a bonding moment, not the 8th wonder of the world or anything. calm down. 🙄🙄🙄

this is the greatest declaration of love he could have managed at this point. 💝💝💝

lmao bhaiyya ki "pehli rasoi" 😂😂😂

these two are leaving no kasar to embarrass the fuck out of the poor guy. 😁😁😁

damnit, all the puris have deflated. i like to poke them and deflate them myself. 😐😐😐

i also like to karate chop my footlong paper dosas. anyone else?

"khaao aur taarif karo." 

ajeeb zabardasti hai. 🤔🤔🤔

i can’t deny he’s being cute af rn tho. ugh. this adorable asshole. 😭😭😭

lol awww the lil teeth gesture. 😚😚😚

boy oh boy oh boy oh boy. 😬😬😬

family time would still be on, tej. just without you. don't think you're THAT important. you’re like... the most expendable family member here. 🙄🙄🙄

after shakti. 😈😈😈

GODDAMNIT TEJ. THANKS TO YOUR SHENANIGANS, ANIKA'S NOT GONNA GET TO ENJOY HER ALOO PURI. 😤😤😤

oh god. 😖😖😖

poor shivaay. he's really trying to be a good husband, but yeh hai ki usse sudharne hi nahi dete. 😫😫😫

oh for once shakti spoke up for pinky. 😌😌😌

om is thissssssss close to pulling a shivaay and hurling something. thissssss close. 😬😬😬

rudra's about to cry (again.) 😐😐😐

fucking dadi and her "maryada" and “farz” and blah blah blah manmaani in forcing ppl to do things against their will. 😒😒😒

good on you, jhanvi. leave with your dignity intact. don’t listen to dadi’s nonsense. 🙄🙄🙄

lmaoooo, lo, agli sautan bhi aa gayi. 😶😶😶

learn to read the room, tia. 😕😕😕

oooooh, what’s anika’s MAUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT going to be caused by? toilet cleaner? acid? over-hydration? WHAT????? WHAT IS THAT CLEAR LIQUID?!?!?! 😱😱😱

[shineebtsbtobgot7sujutvxq]

My youtube channel has been banned by SBS!! WTH! I HAD THAT ACCOUNT FOR 4 YEARS.. SUDDENLY HE JUST TAKE ME DOWN.. WHAT THE FUCKKKK.. Idk who's the heck bringing me down.. Screw you up.. I hate thissssssss.. FU** SBS

[passionatesoup]

so pissed bc my clarinet is a piece of shit and i have to use so much air and even if i do the note might not come out and i dont want to go down a chair i s2g if i audition tomorrow and my clarinet fucks up im going to break down and cry