#+ covid ruined my experience because i couldn’t learn well with online class

[hismourningflower]

so my stepmom found out i write fanfiction yesterday (she knew what it was! i was telling her about how many people wished me a happy birthday haha) and today she just messaged like “i had an idea, why don’t you look into courses for creative writing?”

[purplesurveys]

822

where would you love to go to college? what kind of college is it? I’m technically already done with college, but it was the college/university I had wanted to go to so that kinda answers your question. I studied (past tense is SO WEIRD) in UP and my college was centered on mass communication. My school as whole is a public research university.

is there anywhere you’d love to go, but you wouldn’t go due to things there (people, natural disasters, etc.)? I obviously can’t go anywhere right now but under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t go to some cities in Mindanao due to issues of violence and terrorism. I also personally wouldn’t go back to China due to their already-strained relationship with my country, and also because Chinese people have always bullied us and acted as if they’re superior to Filipinos when they’re not.

do you know anyone who has/had swine? who? No. They did suspend school for a week when the flu was at its peak.

do you like polaroid photography? Yes, I’ve been wanting to get into it many times but the film is so damn expensive. < That’s pretty much it for me too. The cameras are also already quite pricey to begin with, and I’ve always had other priorities when it comes to my money.

did you ever watch that old nick show, ginger? As Told By Ginger? I’d catch it on TV all the time, but the storylines and the animation didn’t appeal to me so I would change the channel if it was on.

is there a friend of yours who curses nonstop? who would that be? She graduated a year before me and I don’t really count her as a friend, but Patrice swore worse than a sailor that it disturbed even me, and I can usually stomach potty mouths.

don’t you hate when you put lyrics as a status and everyone comments it asking what it means / why it’s your status? That’s never happened to me before but I imagine I would hate it if people act nosy towards my posts. When I post lyrics a couple of people usually relate to it and like the post, which I like much more.

what internet browser do you use? Chrome. I used Internet Explorer for the first two or three months of having internet, but I shifted and it’s been Chrome ever since.

what do you usually do to let your feelings out? Surveys or listening to music that portray my present emotions.

what was the last thing you uploaded / plugged into the computer? The last thing I uploaded were goodbye/thank-you videos to my orgmates Arlan and Andrew, who are graduating alongside me. The last thing I plugged onto my laptop was a pair of earphones.

what is your last class of the day? Depends on the day of the week. In my final sem, my last classes went like this:

Tuesday: A mandatory course on Jose Rizal

Wednesday: Community Press

Thursday: Online Journalism

Friday: Business Reporting

who do you think has your back more: your girl friends or your guys friends? Girl friends.  

do you think boys notice things more than girls? or vice versa? No, I don’t think it’s about gender. < Almost same. I know this is supposed to have nothing to do with gender, though *to be fair* in my personal experience, girls are usually super observant. My girl friends can remember little details, something someone said five years ago, someone’s habits or tendencies, etc. My guy friends are for the most part more chill than that and don’t really fixate on stuff. Not that it’s a bad thing, but they really just notice details less.

are you participating in project 365 (you take a picture of you/something everyday of the year and post it)? I TRIED THAT THIS YEAR BUT COVID RUINED IT. I was gonna make up for my embarrassing attempt in 2019 (in which I stopped by February) and had been doing well this year, but quarantine life has just been so uneventful and boring that I ran out of stuff to take photos of. I stopped on the first week of April.

do you have a flickr? if so, post the link. No. I did like looking through the website because the photos were so beautiful. Since I wasn’t a photographer anyway I never felt like I had to join the site.

am i the only one who would go to the ends of the earth to see their favorite band perform? Not really but I’ve seen others do it. Case in point: Coldplay. Philippine concert organizers jack up ticket prices so unfairly much and when Coldplay held a show here their VIP tickets cost ₱20,000 ($400) each, which not a lot of people could afford. Everyone cried foul and when people did their research, they saw that for ₱20,000, you can already book a flight to nearby Singapore (which Coldplay was also doing a show in) AND still get VIP tickets, which cost a lot less there. I didn’t do it because I wasn’t obsessed with Coldplay, but a lot of my friends and other people did lol.

do you think it’s dumb when a band smashes their instruments, or do you find it totally radical? I haven’t seen any of the bands that I like do it but uhhhh if it were any of the punk rock bands I listen to, I’d honestly find it cool.

have you ever made a gif? if not, do you think it’d be interesting to make one? No but back in my fangirl days I had wanted to learn a lot because a lot of my mutuals made such pretty GIFs and I wanted to be a part of that. People made them on Photoshop though, and I just couldn’t be less interested in any Adobe stuff.

are you excited for the beginning of american idol? I was excited for it from seasons 7 to 11, but after the wrong people kept winning I had to stop watching.

do you feel like you need some inspiration, or are you totally inspired right now? I’m neither. I don’t have to feel inspiration to wanna do things. Right now I really just can’t do anything, even if I wanted to.

when you feel uninspired, do you feel like you need to go somewhere to become inspired? Nope.

do you have trouble coming up with good survey questions? Yes, that’s why I don’t make them lol.

[beneathmyhijab]

the story of a graduate

everything, for this certificate and a few seconds of glory on a laptop screen.

this ride has been painful, beyond words, and i'm proud of myself. i'll say that again, i'm proud of you Huda. the road to this was intense. A LOT.

i cried. i cried like mad when i couldn't go to a local uni. i panicked when i had to take Microecons and Macroecons all over again. i barely passed both in SP. i shrugged off the negativity and told myself everyday : "High Dist & Dist only, for ALL modules. last formal education ever, maybe. make the most out of it."

i became super excited when school started. made new friends. then this whole COVID thing happened. i only got to spend 28 days on campus. the devastation; i'm an extrovert.

so, online class for the rest of the degree and you can guess what happened to wanting to spend the last semester in Australia. it was truly the thing i looked forward to the most.

let's also add that my house renovations were halted > prolonged > delayed for 6 months (bc again, COVID) and we had to live in and study with the house in a questionable condition (i don't just mean physically, it was like everyone at home hated each other). no proper kitchen, or FRIDGE for a period of time. it was a whole new level of mental and emotional torture.

with of all of these happening, i gained a whole lot of weight. i realised how very mean people can be when you don't look the same. people can be very demeaning and rude.

it was a lot. i lost myself. i was in a bad place. it was truly tunnel vision only. I stepped on the accelerator to really just do well in school. even after every HD and D, i kept going and going. i didn't celebrate myself at all. i started DIYLIESHAS, volunteered for clubs etc. i jampacked my schedule. my to do list was lonnnnggggg.

even buying a cup of bbt for myself was hard. because i felt like i didn't deserve it. "MORE DISTINCTIONS HUDA MORE, eat less huda. this is not enough Huda. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER HUDA!"

you see, i worked my ass off triply hard than in poly. i've only been sleeping 5-6 hours a day, unless i feel like i deserve 8-9 hours since sec sch. and i worked all through the night. i had salonpas on my neck & every finger every other week. meetings from 8pm till late every single day because online school ruins your boundaries.

the last sem was the hardest. i cried everyday the last 1 1/2 month. submissions were every 3 - 5 days, I had to put my business on hold. my dad said i repeated "Don't Disturb Me" like a broken record. i didn't even want to talk to my parents. i was very much overwhelmed.

but here i am today. I FREAKING PULLED THROUGH THIS CRAZY PHASE. Alhamdulillah. can i also say, Microecons was my best module in uni. how the tables have turned huh?

in the midst of all this nonsense, i had people who reminded me to eat, to sleep, to drink, to give myself a break; these things were hard for me to even do.

i'm grateful for the constant people (thank you, may Allah bless you with much more), you remind me that i've achieved so much & can do anything i set my heart to. that i'm loved, that i'm more than enough.

i've always admired people who are very patient and gentle. little did i know : I needed to be more gentle and patient with myself.

I want to highlight the lessons I've learnt from this;

1. This religion saved me, many times. Allah saved me, Allah is really closer than you think. Talk to Allah and cry. just cry.

2. Be grateful for even the smallest things. like cold water from the fridge at home or the kitchen sink.

3. Be kIND.. You really don't know what lingers in the minds of others. If you can't wish people well, please bleep. sometimes i feel like people should be grateful they don't turn into toads every time they degrade others.

4. You are enough. You are more than enough. You are doing your best. You are far more capable than you really think you are. You think you suck but you don't. You freaking rock because you are giving yourself the best life possible.

5. Your mind and emotions are like muscles. Tension, tear, repair > STRONGER. cry all you need, punch a wall, kill a fish then fry it; then get back up. your trials, your pain, they were made for you. because you needed to learn that lesson. embrace that experience. it may not make sense now, but it will someday.

6. If something makes you happy, keep surrounding yourself with it. your happiness shouldn't be taken away from you. if you like a show, or music band or even eating your feelings away, WHO CARES? Just stop whatever you're doing and do just that. lift your mood. people can piss off, you need yourself more than anything in these moments. Hold on to your happiness. TAKE BREAKS, okay?

to you still pursuing your degree/or life in general, press on, but TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. you have whatever it takes, you really do. i pray you never have to feel what i felt, may Allah make it easy for you.

here on, idk where the path is going to lead me, but i ask that you keep me in your prayers. may Allah grant us the best in this dunya and the next, InsyaAllah.

thank you RMIT and hats off to you Huda Diyanah. you are beyond amazing. here's to the next ride, bismillah! i'm super excited for you.