#&.* m.c. | v. it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

[fvrsaeken]

"Why if your face doing that thing?" Maddie asked @goldenliight with a laugh. "What's their name?"

[fvrsaeken]

"Straw's cheaper!" Maddie laughed as she continued to flip through the pages. "Oh this one is amazing." She giggled as Charlie stopped in front of her, dropping about a foot and moving to the side, running back over to the couch, dropping onto it.

"I wondered why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me." She laughed so hard she could actually feel the tears stinging her eyes as she held the book out for Charlie. "Okay fine you can have a turn." She rolled her eyes once she managed to catch her breath.

❝ Hey! ❞ She coughed out between a laugh and with slight aggravation, her arm dropped to her lap and her chin propped up with a frown that she couldn't hold for very long. She couldn't not giggle.

But as quickly as she had ran across the room, Charlie moved quicker. In the blink of an eye, and she was standing in front of her, a grin spread across her features. ❝ I am going to push you. ❞ She jokes, ❝ Come on Mads, sharing is caring. ❞

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❝ i'm not a stalker! ❞ from maisie for maddie

"Yeah because a non-stalker wouldn't be able to just show up at your apartment." She moved aside to let Maisie in. "Which reminds me." After closing and locking the door, Maddie walked over to the kitchen and opened one of the drawers, pulling a box out of it and opening it. "I got you a phone so you can you know, call me or text me instead of knocking on my door repeatedly at whatever ungodly hour you're here today." She slid the phone, in it's case across the counter.

"And don't worry I'm gonna teach you how to use it, I cleared my whole day just for that. But I got all of the apps set up for you and my number's there as well as my siblings, my parents and my uncle's Luke and Baz."

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wolves can kill anything if the pack’s big enough. -zach for mads

"Just don't go getting yourself killed, alright?" Maddie knew that @svcrificed would do whatever it would take to keep people safe, often with little to no regard for himself. "You have a tendency to forget that part. But we need you alive. Beyond all of this," she gestured around them, but she clearly meant the whole pack thing with Owen, Jo, Zoe and the twins, "you are my family. And like it or not I'm still older than you so I'm still gonna be a huge pain in your ass and make sure that you take care of yourself." Pot calling the kettle black she supposed given the fact that she often didn't care for herself but a thing to worry about for another day.

"Burning the candle at both ends is gonna end up biting you in the ass." Again, something she knew from personal experience these days. "I know it's a very Cadron thing to just put your head down and push through, we all do it, but we can't keep doing it. We have to do better, that's the whole point of being the next generation. Zach everyone will follow your lead, you know that, so please just... take care of yourself."

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there's no use glaring at me like that. (from maisie for maddie)

"I will glare at you if I want to glare at you." Maddie stated simply, eyes still narrowed as she looked at her friend. "I'm gonna keep glaring at you until I get my way." It used to work, except instead of glaring she would use her puppy dog face. Her parents were suckers for it when she was little.

"I was promised a day out with my friend and that's what I want." She folded her arms across her chest and pouted in a feeble attempt to get her point across.

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Her dad was the only person she would ever feel safe telling that to, and still she felt the guilt start to gnaw at her. He had enough to deal with, and then she put that on him. The darkest thought she'd ever had, and she just dropped that on him too. She had to live with it everyday and now because she couldn't keep her mouth shut, he'd have to live with that knowledge.

"I didn't mean to upset you..." Maddie whispered when she felt herself getting pulled closer. "I didn't... I'm sorry." She mumbled.

When he told her that she didn’t have to be tough that seemed to be the last crack before the dam burst. She’d held onto a lot. A lot more than she'd realized. Sleeping to avoid being stared at by her family like she was this fragile glass object, ready to shatter at the slightest amount of pressure. But then the sleeping turned into lying in bed and staring at the ceiling because the nightmares got too real and she felt like she was stuck there again.

"I'm so tired daddy..." She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but it just sat there, pushing her further towards the edge. "He kept asking me about Sophia and mom but I couldn't tell him, I couldn't because I needed to bear the pain for awhile. They've been through a lot and I couldn't put that on them too." She shook her head. "I wasn't going to send him after them. One day he finally just snapped and that was when he brought me back to the park and..." lit me on fire. "He ruined my life. I can't sleep and when I do I'm right back there, I can feel it and I can't live like this anymore. I can't, I don't wanna live like this." She shook her head, knowing that each word she said would likely break her father's heart. She didn't want to die, per se, but she wanted the pain to stop.

That killed him.. he wanted to go straight to the prison, right then and there.. He wanted to wring the bastards throat, light him on fire, do everything that the sick fuck had done to his daughter. He knew that the court system would put him away.. but that wasn't enough. He'd rather see the man suffer, go through excruciating torture.. He wanted Bram to suffer. But he wouldn't say that.. not aloud. No, his daughter didn't need to be subject to the darkness that clouded his thoughts. The bastard deserved to die..

He didn't say a word when she told him.. told him that she'd wished he had just killed her.. he couldn't bring himself to speak, else he would let loose the dark in his head.. no... instead he just held her closer, taking a deep breath as he tried to reign in those thoughts.

"I promise baby.. I won't let you go.." He whispered, smoothing her hair down and pressing a kiss to her head. "You don't have to be tough right now.. because daddy's here, and he's going to protect you... I promise, princess.. I'm not going anywhere.. Not for a long time.."

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 “keep it up and we’ll throw you in the river!” from maisie for maddie

"Throw me in the river?! How dare you! I didn't do anything! I'm innocent! I was framed!" She was definitely guilty. She was moving things just enough to notice and just enough to piss off Maisie. "Also both rivers are really polluted." The Hudson moreso than the East River but still. Too much pollution for her to consider being thrown into a river. "Could we make it a pool instead?"

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It had been a trying few weeks for Maddie as she continued to navigate the world she no longer saw through rose coloured lenses. It was a stark contrast now, mostly dark blues and greys. Colour seemed drained and faded as she sat in the same spot on her walk that her therapist insisted would be "good to help her with her recovery" the only thing it was good for was forcing her to face the reality that the city she once loved was now the place where she was looing over her shoulder, where she was feeling the most alone. How do you feel alone in a city of almost nine million people?

Thankfully, today it seemed that @uncxntrxllable was one of those people. Maddie had finished her stupid therapy walk and wrote about it in her journal when she heard her doorbell camera chime. Her body started to freeze as she, almost mechanically, picked her phone up off the kitchen island and looked to see who it was. Letting out a breath of relief when she saw that it was Henry, Maddie made her way over and opened the door. "Hey, I didn't know you were going to be in the city. Come in..." she stepped back, hand death gripped around the doorknob and ready to pretty much slam it shut the minute that Henry was safely inside.

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"Surviving those days, was the hardest thing, I've ever done in my entire life." Maddie stressed as she looked at @cursed-fxmily with pain she'd never felt before. "By all accounts I shouldn't have survived, Soph, I shouldn't have, and I don't know why I did because I'm in pain!" Not as much physically anymore, but definitely mentally. It was hard to look past it somedays, to know there would be time when she would have peace, at least enough that she felt like she could go on with her life. "God I saw dad the other day and almost freaked out when he moved too fast! I don't want to live like this..."

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❝   i’m not really the advice type,  but i am damn good at coming up with distractions to forget the bullshit for a while.  ❞ from maisie for maddie

"Good because I just need distractions." Her burn scars were in the thick of healing and they were itchy so she wanted to be distracted. Hell she'd even gone out and bought compression socks to try and help but every time she tried to think of something else, the voice in her head went "hey aren't your scars itchy?" and so she was left with few options.

"I wanna hit stuff. Can we go hit stuff? I booked a rage room up in Yonkers. I need to hit things." It was either hit things or hit people and as the daughter of not one but two FBI Agents she didn't really want to risk it.

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 “ Free lunch! ” from maisie for maddie (it’s free because she 100% stole it)

"Maisie oh my God." Maddie laughed, shaking her head. "You're insane, first of all. Second of all, I literally gave you money to pay for lunch. My parents are federal agents you can't just go around stealing food!" She groaned. "You're gonna get me in so much trouble!!" She leaned back against the island in her kitchen. "If I get into trouble you're getting grounded too." Sure Maddie was living on her own and couldn't get grounded, but her parents would find a way to do it.

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Maddie was definitely sitting on the counter cross-legged eating mac and cheese from the pot when @goldenliight walked into the room. "Hey..." She grinned around another bite of mac and cheese. "What have you got planned for today?" Maddie, on the other hand was perfectly fine with sitting here, wrapped in her blanket. "And also does it involve me getting out of my pjs?" She asked, putting even more sriracha into the pot. Was she going through a quarter life crisis? Probably. Did she want to admit it? Absolutely not.

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"He is the devil and I hate him!" Maddie hissed. "That asshole gets a trial after everything he did to me? And to Lexie? He burned me alive, he tried to drown Lex in a stupid well! Why can't he just die a brutal and painful death like he tried to do to us?! Why does he get to try and win over a jury?!" She was yelling now, her anger, what she had thought to be long gone, was apparently rearing it's head. // OPEN

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"When you say nothing, it's much worse than things I've overcome and..." Maddie let out a breath, her cheeks puffing out as she tried to calm herself down. "This..." if you say it there's no going back, "this hurts harder than my time in heaven." Now it's out in the open. She didn't talk about dying in the ambulance, asking the doctors not to tell anyone until she was ready to. "You don't think I see the way you don't look at me?" // open

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"So I wander through these nights I prefer hiding in plain sight. Spilling out to you for free, but darling, darling, please, you wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking..." // open

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"Why are you making that face?" Maddie asked, gesturing at @damnedbcy as she spoke. "I cant tell if you look constipated or what's happening." She laughed as she sat up in her chair. "Do you need help?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. "I was just cooking dinner if you want some." Maddie offered, pointing to the cupboard with the plates.