#&. dctifulprince ( hawk )

[livedtough]

@dctifulprince (🏛️)

He wasn't entirely sure what it was that had brought him here. Was it some sense of being needed, or random chance? He'd bet more on the latter, as his empathetic senses had quite often left much to be desired. Whatever it was, he was here, and he didn't need to be an expert to see how upset Aslan was. He was struggling with his tie, for one thing, which he'd never seen him do. He'd never seen anyone here do that, especially not in the palace. So he stepped over, stepping in front of the man, letting him talk as he worked. He made an effort to keep his expression neutral, focusing solely on the task at hand.

He wasn't sure what he was supposed to feel. Sure, he didn't exactly plan on marrying the man himself, but this was only going to make things harder, and he did not want to be the secret boyfriend that he met in the middle of the night. Christ, look at him. He was becoming the thing he'd made a hundred different men be, and he didn't like it. Not that he'd ever stop, but it certainly helped him see how much he preferred being in the other position.

They were friends, though. That much was true. So he brushed all that aside, focusing on the tie. It was a bit more complicated than he was used to, but he could figure it out. "Don't worry about it," he said. "I get it." Maybe not exactly, but enough. "Is that all you know about her? That she's lovely?"

[livedtough]

@dctifulprince said: ❛ are you happy here with me? ❜ / @dctifulprince for hawk

↣ VARIOUS QUESTION SENTENCE STARTERS

He lay on his back, one arm behind his head, sheets pooled around his bare legs. His other hand rested on his stomach, and his eyes were on the ceiling. There was a knot in his stomach, one that answered the question for him. He could lie, he supposed, but he wasn't the sort to lie for other people's pleasure. His own, yes, but not others.

"No," he said, voice sot, quiet in the darkness. Maybe he could have lied, could have said 'sure', but this place was good for him in that aspect. He felt okay, here. He felt good, but he didn't feel good here. This home. It suffocated him, made him feel like he was home again, and that wasn't a good thing. "But I'm here."

[livedtough]

"Yeah. Yeah, it is you," he said, voice not necessarily cruel, but short. He was tired, and annoyed, and he didn't want to be having this conversation. He didn't want to be talking at all. Ideally, they'd be fucking, but barring that, he'd prefer to just keep lying here in the darkness, in silence that had no need to be broken. He pulled away, getting out of bed and taking his underwear from the floor, putting it on if only for something to do, something to busy his hands and focus his attention. He glared at nothing, eyes piercing the darkness with all the frustration that boiled within him.

As much as he didn't want to, he looked back to him as he spoke, preparing for whatever the fuck his question was going to be. He pulled on his pants, doing them up before huffing, something that was too cold to be a laugh, but too sharp to be a sigh. "You know what? I don't know. Because I thought you'd be a good fuck, and I liked the clothes you let me wear." Because even here, he was too lost to let himself breathe. "But that's the thing. We're not together. I'm not your boyfriend. Even if I could be, I wouldn't be, because I don't want to be. I'm sneaking around with you because I like sleeping in your fucking castle. But I'm tired of it. You're nice, but you're not worth it."

"it is me, hawk. i am the reason you cannot e happy because you got involved with me, and..now here we are, forced to live in secrecy because of who i am." he didn't mean for it to sound like he was pitying himself even though, in a way, maybe he was. he hated that hawk was unhappy and he hated the way his parents forced him to live his life. sure he could insist on freedom to love whoever he wanted, but that would never end in his favor. it would never lead to him being happy, and he knew it. he would be forced to sneak around with any man he liked while dragging that man around with him into a deep pit of despair and lies.

he sat up and brought his knees up, setting his arms upon them as he thought for a moment while listening to hawk speak. "i want to ask you something, hawk." he started with his gaze going back to the younger man again. "why do you agree to seeing me in private if you would be happier with any of the many faes in this kingdom? you could have said no to being here with me, but you still joined me. surely there must be someone in this realm whom you would rather be with instead of a prince who is nothing but a disappointment and a failure of a lover."

[livedtough]

"It's not you," he said softly, eyes still fixed on the ceiling, because it was easier to be honest when you weren't looking at the person you were being honest with. Hawk did a lot of things very well, but honesty, real, genuine honesty, wasn't one of them. It was something given in bits and pieces, something added to give people just enough that they didn't start to question him. Not that he was a liar, but he didn't have the interest in letting a soul know what it was that really went on in his head.

He could make an offer, though. A small one, as glad as he would have been not to. No, he wasn't happy, but it wasn't the other man's fault. Or maybe it was. It was his fault that he'd come here, his fault that he'd had the chance for the first time in his life to feel what it meant to be truly free. His fault for dragging him back into secrecy. "But no. It doesn't." He wasn't even trying to reject him, not really. Being here just made him tired. It made him goddamn exhausted. He could tolerate it back home, where he didn't have a choice, but here? It tore at him, scratching his throat and burning his lungs, but here he was. Why? He didn't know. Maybe he was so used to hiding that it was his default state at this point. Christ. What a disappointment.

he was happy when they first got here and when he brought hawk to his room where they had sex. he was happy through all of it and even now, that feeling never ceased as he laid beside the younger man with the sheets just barely covering his naked form. but then he asked the question as eyes remained fixated on hawk who looked so handsome with the moonlight on his bare skin. he wasn't sure what answer he would get in reply, though perhaps a part of him hoped that hawk would say he was happy as well.

the answer he got instead left the prince feeling almost disheartened as his gaze dropped from the younger man's features. instead focusing on hawk's torso that he had admired since their first time together with that man who had become so insignificant at this point that aslan hardly remembered his name. "does it make any difference to say i'm happy you are here?" he asked after a moment of silence, his voice just as quiet as hawk's despite feeling he should just stop asking questions since he already knew they'd be friends. he knew already that there wouldn't be anything more and though aslan tried to keep his feelings at bay, he couldn't help but feel something for the man. he knew it'd hurt him eventually but right now, he didn't care no matter how much he knew he should.