#&. ' SUPPORT MY HABIT ' ( promo / self. )
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So basically I stopped reading your absolutely amazing works a little while ago (almost a year) and I'm mentally stable enough to catch up on them but can't decide which one pick first since I know that almost all of them will be great (I mean, you are you). So which ones out of your latest works are you the most proud of?
Omggg I get to do self promos?!? 👀 YAY
I'm glad to hear you like my works so much, and I hope you're doing alright. If you've read my old works then you probably know my fics have triggering content so please check tags and content warnings for any of these I link just in case. These are all from within the last year
Long fics:
This Is My Home
77k ▪ E Rating ▪ Complete | Endabi, Natsudabi, Dabi & Todofam
This one is a post-canon au where Touya's on house arrest and the todofam try to fix burnt bridges just for everything to end up going to hell as old habits start back up again. This one does have some really upsetting content so be careful with this one
Blood Letting // Love Letting
28k ▪ M rating ▪ Complete | Toga & Dabi centric. It could be read as a ship or platonically but there is some sexual aspects of their relationship. This fic does have an unhappy ending
A canon divergent AU where Toga and Dabi enter into a codependent relationship based on their trauma responses from childhood abuse causing sadomasochistic tendencies. It's a lot of Toga drinking Dabi's blood and them being generally unhealthy together.
Paper Bag Series
Currently 6 works, 81k in total ▪ Mixed Ratings, E and NR ▪ Ongoing | Shigadabi, Spinaraki, Spinnerdabi, and Spinarakidabi
A series of fics all in the same universe exploring extremely unhealthy relationship dynamics between Dabi, Shigaraki, and Spinner. The series is primarily Shigadabi centric with Spinaraki being a very present ship as well and a platonic spinnerdabi relationship that evolves over time (and with the "help" of Shigaraki.) Some of these works are extremely graphic and triggering, fyi
Oneshots:
Haven
3.5k ▪ M Rating | Enji | Endeavor & Touya | Dabi
Post Canon Au where Touya dies and Enji begins being visited by the ghost of a child Touya. He believes the haunting is a chance to redeem himself and help Touya's spirit get closure and pass on, but the haunting is a lot more malicious than it seems.
Arrangements
2.3k ▪ E rating | SpinnerDabi
This is shameless porn with plot of Spinner and Dabi getting into a FWB arrangement during Spinner's mating season because Shu is horny all the time and Dabi has a pain kink. They're super gay for each other but shhh don't tell them that they dont know
Wasting
2.3k ▪ M Rating | Rei & Touya centric
Pre-canon fic about Rei coming to believe something isn't right about Touya since he came back from training one night. This one was fun because it's mindbending; Touya is either an undead of sorts and possibly demonically possessed, or this is a product of Rei's mental deterioration due to trauma induced psychosis and all in her head.
Communication Issues
4.7k ▪ T rating | SpinnerDabi centric (Mostly platonic but pre-relationship), League Of Villains are there
Dabi has Nonverbal episodes, Spinner does too and he teaches him sign language and they ✨ bond ✨
Harvest
3.4k ▪ M Rating | Dabi-centric with platonic Dabi & Mr. Compress, League of Villains are there too
Concept based around the theory/hc Touya's grafts and body modifications came from corpses and he's being haunted by the ghosts of the ppl used to reconstruct his body. Mr compress can see ghosts so he tries to support him. This one has a lot of gore and was real fun to write. It's not totally canon compliant anymore ending wise.
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I see ur kind of back in the eene fandom. Favorite and least favorite headcanons about the Ed's if your feeling up to it?
Lol hi. And yeah I'm here. Arcane has had such a relentless chokehold on my brain for the past year and a half and it's finally loosening it's grip (inb4 inevitable Season 2 promo shit lmao).
HCs for the Eds? Let's goooo-
HCs I like:
Ed
-I like the HC he has ADHD. It fits him well and has direct canon evidence. As an ADHDer, he fits a lot of the basic stereotypes.
-The kinda popular fandom idea that he will be involved in the filming or general crew of B-tier horror movies when he's an adult. Career path is honestly among the most likely. Can also dig him being an Art Bell-esque radio or podcast host of weird conspiracy stuff.
-Love when he's paired with May. I feel that they'd be the only Ed/Kanker combo that'd work imho.
-Even though he's a fun loving character at heart, I like the idea that we see more of that serious and angry side he showed in Little Ed Blue and BPS. Like as he gets older and more seasoned he learns to stand up for himself more. Not his default at all, but learns to put up with less shit.
-I don't see him caring much about gender or sexuality. I don't ever see him labeling himself or thinking much about it, but I also don't see him as fully straight or cis.
-Can see him really being into Astrology and star charts. He probably has an Ancient Aliens phase 😆
Edd
-Like to think he starts taking college classes in his Junior or Senior year of high-school. Probably gets offers from Ivy-League schools, picking not the one he wants to go to the most, but the one that leaves him closest to home.
-I think it was @eddbedandeddy that came up with the idea that he has trichotillomania, where one pulls out clumps of hair as a very maladaptive nervous habit. Love this and I fully support the HC that it's why he wears his hat.
-Dig the idea he goes on to become a doctor of some sort.
-Is a really bad cook. Underseasons and overcooks a LOT. Usually keeps it to cup noodles, sandwiches, or takeout if the responsibility falls on him.
-Definitely has big bi or pan energy.
-Though he can't cook, Edd is very good with gardening and plants in general. Super good at keeping them healthy and cultivating them.
-Mellows out a bit when he gets older. Still a tad neurotic but not a full blown nervous wreck.
Eddy
(So warning: Eddy is my favoritest, most special little guy(TM) so there is a little bias for how many HCs I have for him compared to the others. Sorry lol.)
-It's funny when you think about it, because in terms of Eddy's personality after BPS it's actually pretty nebulous to nail down. Despite being one of the brashest, most outspoken characters he's actually the most mysterious when it comes down to who he truly is. He hid behind a facade for the majority of the show's runtime, after all, so what he truly is like underneath that leaves a lot up to the imagination.
-HOWEVER, I HC Eddy returning to his Season 1 and early Season 2 personality after BPS, with a decent amount of self reflection and maturity tacked on. I think how he acted in Season 1 is the closest to who he really is at the core. A good example of how I see Eddy (as a teenager, at least), is that he would share a lot of traits with Amethyst from Steven Universe, I guess? Closest example I can think of, tbh.
-He's closeted gay kid. Home of sexual. 👬🏳️🌈🌈 I used to see him as a bi, but rewatches changed my mind a lot. (Part of it is that he's always been my favorite and I was projecting tbh.) It takes him till his mid-to-late teens to start to accept it.
-Excellent cook. His mom's side is 100% Italian in my personal HC and she and her side bestowed a ton of culinary knowledge on him from old family recipes etc.
-Piggybacking off this, I see Eddy being a line cook for quite a while if not as his staple career. I can also see him doing car sales and bartending and even working at a deli. Bounces around jobs a lot, but always is employed in some way or the other.
-He loves baking and is very good at it. Don't give him shit about it or he will cry in private.
-Eddy is ADHD like Ed, but on the more impulsive and moody side of the large spectrum ADHD consists of. He also is bipolar af.
-Is heavily into music in general, especially as he gets older. He also has a penchant for musicals and Broadway, but he WILL get defensive if you tease him for it. But yeah, music is his biggest hobby and interest by far.
HCs I don't like:
Ed
-That he's too stupid to live. Leave him alone, he's dim but functional.
-The idea he can't function independently from Edd and Eddy. He absolutely can and is his own person!
-When fanfics or works in general make Eddy and Edd act like parents to him. He's their equal 👏
-Anytime he's explicitly third-wheeled when Edd and Eddy are paired. You absolutely can write the former two paired up without excluding him.
Edd
-When the fandom makes him an uwu softboy. Stfu. He's a little asshole with a smart mouth and a truckload of sass. Erasing that makes him so BORING 😴
-The HC that he will 'outgrow' Eddy and Ed and move on from them. He's right where he belongs and they complete each other. Stop.
Eddy
-Where do I begin? Firstly, him acting the same exact way as he does in the show after what happened in BPS. The entire movie was explicitly about Eddy becoming a better person and learning his lesson. At least show some growth.
-Him becoming an even more ruthless and corrupt scammer as an adult. Paired with the above point, but still.
-Any HCs that he's heterosexual 🤢
-MAKING HIM TALL.
-Fanart that makes him skinny.
I could go on but those are the main ones. Ty anon!
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if someone tells me one more time "enjoy your youth, " i'm gonna cry, and i don't stick up for myself : i'm anxious and nothing can help, and i wish i'd done this before, and i wish people liked me more. all i did was try my best, this the kind of thanks i get? unrelentlessly upset. they say these are the golden years, but i wish i could disappear, ego crush is so severe, god, it's brutal out here. ( 𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐘 𝐌𝐎𝐎�� ) ©
#Marvel RP#dc rp#mcu rp#dceu rp#indie marvel rp#indie mcu rp#spider man rp#indie spider man rp#spiderman rp#𝟎𝟎𝟎. self promos#i have this habit of hatihng my promos so i just keep remaking them VCGHBJNKM#pls support my brand !!
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ALWAYS & FOREVER
#indietorp#indielegaciesrp#indietvdrp#indiespnrp#indierp#indie hope mikaelson rp#indietwrp#indie rp#indie to rp#indie legacies rp#i like this one better; it's fancier#can y'all read it okay?#does it look okay on mobile?#&. ' SUPPORT MY HABIT ' ( promo / self. )
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I usually don't comment on stuff like this, because I don't make a habit of pissing on people's parades, but some of the recent things people are using as "proof" (of bbg ending, of Larry communicating with us, etc) are really wild stretches.
And, I usually wouldn't let it bother me; I understand that people (especially newer larries) are just having fun. But, as someone who's been here for a long time and who was part of the fandom when "proof" really meant concrete, vetted, and consistent evidence, I think people are unaware of how creating, spreading, and encouraging these unsubstantiated stretches and theories only support the extremely damaging stereotype that larries are unhinged and that we can (and will) make a connection out of anything, if it suits our narrative. (Which is, literally, what hets and shippers do, so yeah, forgive me if I don't want to be lumped in with that crowd.)
When we talk about Larry signaling (through clothing, warnings, selfies, the bears, etc), I think it's really, really important to remember the context in which those things happened.
They were both banging on the glass closet and seemingly seeding a potential coming out. They were at the height of their 'enemies' narrative and banned from being seen interacting, even while they were living out of each other's pockets. They were restricted by extremely abusive public identities (homophobe and serial womanizer) and contract clauses. They were making music and money for oppressive management and labels, none of which was directly contributing to or even hinting at potential personal career growth outside One Direction. They were signaling not only because it's all they had in terms of connecting with their community, but as an act of extreme rebellion and as a means of winning over even an inch of personal freedom and self-expression. (Remember, Niall wasn't even allowed to keep his natural hair color.)
And, while yes, Harry and Louis are still heavily closeted and being made to participate in (especially in Louis' case) extremely vile and abusive stunts, the context, in terms of their need to be seen (whether it be as their own people, queer people, or as a couple), has actually changed. In terms of self-expression, they're both making music that resonates with their creative identities, that they have some level of control over, and that contribute to them, personally, as individual artists. This means they actually have a personal stake in whether or not their projects do well because its a direct indicator of whether they get to continue making music that they love. Taking that into consideration, its unlikely that they want to overshadow the soul of those projects by slipping in all these little clues about their relationship into their promo. They’ve also (thanks mostly to the fans) found other ways of connecting to the queer community (which is an entirely different objective from wanting people to know about their relationship, specifically.)
To be really honest, I think they’ve actually made a collective decision to work harder to protect the privacy of their relationship, even behind the scenes, for many reasons. (Harris Reed’s recent interview, where he mentioned not really knowing Harry all that well, but alluded to leaving space for his queerness is what swayed me the most.) Being older, and having a lot more at stake (personally and professionally), makes me think they’re now (maybe in the last four or so years) very, very selective about who they share this part of their life with, one, because they each have a lot more to lose now if they’re outed, but also because their relationship is their top priority, and as Harry has said (and no doubt learned), a relationship has never benefitted from being made public (and we have to remember that even “within the confines of the industry” is still very, very “public”).
But, I digress. My point is, they've been together for twelve years, they've written hundreds upon hundreds of love songs to each other, they have their love story tattooed all over their skin. I get if you, individually, need to read into every little clue to prove to yourself they're still together, but don’t confuse that with them needing us to know it.
Again, I'm not saying this to piss on anyone's parade. I love a Larry proof to death and god knows I believe in the real ones with my whole chest (Still the One still gives me chills, Princess Park is fucking perfection, ‘waiting to wrap your legs around me' and ‘tired eyes are the death of me’ are tattooed on my heart). What I'm saying is people need to take context into consideration to keep from devaluing and trivializing actual, solid, vetted Larry proof and signaling because the only people and reputations these stretches and theories are hurting are Larries’.
Anon, if I wasn’t already married, I would marry you. THANK YOU.
#fandom dynamics#for newbies#I was going to add some thoughts#but really you made such good points#I don’t even want to dilute it
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Unforgotten Night (2022) Ep 1
My brat with a British accent wanted to write this together. Her once again covering the sub and me covering the Dom. I told her that she was a sadist and this was supposed to be bad. Iffy "noooooo, no, I'm just a special word for someone who wants you to suffer with me" You will be able to find the lovely iffy's companion post here.
It didn't help that I got so many requests to watch this. I think some of you are sadists. Is there something about doing this to a sadist that turns you on?? I included the Coconuts Mafia in my torture because if I'm going to take one, then the team should too. Thank you so much for the support and commentary! @biochemjess @suga4mycoffee read here @mematryoshkame @minisculecosmos @hereiswhereitbegan28 @akitbeast and their commentary here and Pebee. Also make sure to read @feralpansexual bdsm red flags post here
For those that know nothing about the series and this is your first time hearing about it: Kim (sub), a 25 year old office worker, has been in one sided love with his senior, Day, for a a long time. To forget about him and move on, he decides to have one night stand with a random stranger he met at the bar. What he didn't know was the stranger would start liking him to the point of no return. Kamol (Dom/Sadist), a 30 year old mafia, has some special needs in bed and so he keeps switching partners but no one is able to satisfy him. One night he meets Kim, who perfectly meets his needs. Right at that moment, Kamol decided to make the man his own.
Promo Poster
Seriously guys, what the fuck is that picture above. His FACE. "When you want to be tied up, but the idiot you're fucking doesn't know how to do it properly." I would like to be on the side of the Dom here but I can just hear the sub saying "Gotta do everything my damn self" Also, why are they using a glorified shoelace?? I mean, I haven't even started the episode yet and I'm dead. Where is the chemistry? What is it with these poses? They feel like their about to give a beginner's class in couples yoga with fun accessories.
Episode 1
So begins my drinking habit, I mean watch. No really, this turned into a drinking game. I took a shot every time a sub cries. I was tipsy by the end of the show. There was torture... Of the audience kind. Ellen DeGeneres shoes, constantly running water taps, 80's music and a horrible English breakfast with anemic sausage. On the plus side, I laughed a lot. I highly recommend as a group hate watch.
We meet Kamol as a "business tycoon" and you can tell they are trying to set an air of arrogance and command. The typical portrayal of a Dom. I didn't feel it though. I was deeply underwhelmed, he really wasn't giving strong power vibes. Ohhh, the ominous whisper "Something big is coming up." I'm all a flutter. Also, this might be an American thing but he just gave the weakest hang shake ever. As a Dom, I would be embarrassed. That's the one area where it is completely acceptable to have a pissing contest and you just barely held finger.
The next scene shows a weeping and marked up submissive. I've got no issue with one night stands but you still put the work in. Not only should there have been respect for limits but also aftercare. Instead he leaves him and has his bodyguards take him out. Can we get more Dom low class?
Why, yes we can "They always say they can take it but they never last" Yeah, okay. He wasn't any more satisfied than you buddy, so who is the real problem here? That's just stupid. You don't pick someone off the street and go, lets do a little whip and tickle. It takes a masochist to like pain and every masochist likes a different type of pain. This is like me asking if someone likes ice cream and then making them eat the flavor that's my favorite. Dumbass, I said I like ice cream, doesn't mean I like that ice cream.
We have a lot of weepy sub scenes. Then the girls aka assistants, take their boss to the bar. I don't know how they thought this was a good idea. The music alone would cause me to cry and drink too much. However, it's at the bar that Kamol (aka shoelace Pillsbury Ceo) shows up and notices Kim. Finally we have the moment they meet. In a bathroom, because the mafia apparently really appreciate bathrooms.
Kim is stumbling drunk into the bathroom and Kamol thinks this is a brilliant. Follows him into the bathroom. Where we have the conversation of,
Kim "Are you starting at me"
Pillsbury "I'm staring at you"
Kim "you interested"
Pillsbury "Yes, you caught my eye"
All why the mother fucking water facet is going!!!
Weepy Sub "in that case can you help me forget him"
Pillsbury "As long as you can tolerate it" 🙄🙄 Because yes, I like chocolate chip ice cream and so will you! 🤦🏻♀️
Weepy "No problem, you can do whatever you want" that's a good way to get stds kid and then you'll really have something to cry about.
Oh look! We finally have the, you're drunk, who me talk. It went as expected. Weepy sub is now up against the bathroom counter. Managing to avoid the still running water! It's torturing me! This is not my flavor of masochism! Then he calls him Baby. Which fits weepy sub. It's a very accurate pet name.
We show up at Pillsbury's place where they are magically changed into robes.... And they ones again talk about if baby is drunk. Yet they never talk about what kind of kink they are into. We apparently just gonna wing it, cause yeah that works. Guess we can blame it on him getting all hot and bothered at being called Mister. 🤦🏻♀️
The most consent talk we get is, you can suck this up right. And then he beaks out the Toys-R-Us cuffs that baby can easily slid right out of. He started him off real light with luke warm wax that's barely dripping. Yet we get this face.
At this point, I'm thinking boy can't handle much. Then Pillsbury breaks out a horse flogger. You guys, I wasn't expecting accuracy and if you want me to give a break down of why the flogging was so fucking God Awful that I took two shots! I can. Needless to say it was grossly inaccurate but even that doesn't match the horror of this.
Meanwhile his flogging is on the level of "I’m going to FLOG YOU……with kindness"
"W-would you like to talk to me about my childhood wounds as I whip you very gently"
On the plus side, there was a very nice, very accurate bite mark. I've got a bitting kink myself and no way THAT was fake, so kudos for that.
Then the true torture again. Dripping faucet. While Pillsbury finally gives some kind of aftercare. A bath with sweet kisses. While whispering sweet nothings of "You are the one".. It's not much but it's finally something so we'll take it.
But then baby wakes up alone to a Best Western breakfast. Is it any wonder he booked it? Maybe start acting like a Dom and taking care of your subs? Hmm.
I can't leave you without mentioning the stick on tattoo.
It shifts. For a second I thought we were going to get a shifter bl but they were just teasing. It's just a bad fake tattoo.
So there you have it. My torture is now our torture. Especially if you made it all the way through, what ever, that was that I wrote. Hope you got a few chuckles 💜💜💜
#unforgotten night#unforgotten night kink#luta#luta opinions#luta question and answer#weepy boy and Pillsbury dough bo#really bad flogging#turn off the mf faucet#coconuts mafia
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my hero - request
request: anon: hi could you write a sebastian x female reader fic where she suffers from anxiety and feels bad because of it but he comforts her and tells her there’s nothing wrong with her and how strong she is even though she has this disorder
pairing: sebastian stan x female!reader
warnings: self-esteem issues, anxiety, toxicity in the fandom, language?
a/n: hey nona! you weren’t super specific on what type of anxiety that you wanted to reader to have, so if this isn’t what you had in mind, lmk and i’ll write you another fic! other than that i hope you like it!
p.s.: my requests and tag lists are open!!
xoxo ray
check out my m.list
You and Seb met at a coffee shop in New York. It was totally cliche and seemed straight out of a storybook. You had somehow managed to spill coffee on that specimen of a man, and he was kind enough to let you pay for his dry cleaning. Your relationship didn’t grow until you ran into him again while you were at a bar with your friends. If he had any say in telling the story of how you met, he spotted you from across the smoky bar and he knew then and there that he had to get to know you. Truthfully, you liked his version, but the real one was just indescribable. It seemed, to you at least, that you were destined to be with this man. Seeing him twice in one week? Come on, that’s possible if you were in the small town you grew up in, but not New York.
You obviously had recognized him as an actor, but really you didn’t care. That’s what drew Sebastian to you in the first place. You treated him as if he was any other guy on the street, he was able to be a normal person around you. Now, two years later, you lounge on the couch of your apartment in LA that you shared with the man you love. He’s still auditioning for any role that catches his eye and you’re supporting him no matter what.
His fans for the most part adored you and your relationship with Sebastian. The fans who didn’t like you were your only issue with this whole affair, but they had nothing to do with Sebastian other than flood his socials with nasty messages about you. You weren’t perfect, that you knew all too well, and you tried to let the comments roll off your shoulders. Most of the time you were successful in your efforts, but other times they clung to your skin like an unwanted disease.
Sebastian was currently promoting his new project Endings, Beginnings. You were so unbelievably proud of Seb, he was doing something that made him happy. In this particular film, he was acting alongside Shailene Woodley, who was just amazing. Seb always came home gushing about the new inside jokes that they had come up with. One of your favorite things that Seb did with you was run lines. You liked having the inside scoop on his new works, but this one was harder for you. It had quite a few sex scenes between Seb’s character Frank and Shailene’s Daphne.
Not that it bothered you. Nope. Didn’t bother you. At all.
...mmm, okay maybe it bugged you a little. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Sebastian, it was… well you couldn’t really describe what it was. Whatever the case may be, it was putting you deeper and deeper into a funk, one that you were having a hard time coming out of. And Seb’s fans who weren’t in your corner, weren’t really helping you any.
A few nights ago, Seb surprised you with a casual night out in LA. He texted you before he got home and told you that he was going to be taking you out. Did he give you a dress code for the evening? No, he did not (wonderful, thanks so much Seb). You decided to dress in a half business casual, half rail me when we get home outfit. You ended up wearing an adorable bustier top that was embroidered with pretty blue and pink flowers, a pair of destroyed jeans covered your legs. You finished it off with a pair of nude heels, when you looked in the mirror, you thought you looked hot as fuck. It was around seven when Seb picked you up, mouth hanging open, in awe of your outfit.
“Oh my god. You look so beautiful, Y/N.” He opened the passenger door of his car after he hugged you, giving you a small peck on the lips. Sebastian drove you to a restaurant a block off of Thai Town called Home Restaurant.
“Babe, this place is so cute!” You squeezed Sebastian’s upper arm, jumping up and down beside him. “How’d you find this place?” Sebastian shook his head, smiling at you.
“I asked Shai, actually.” He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, and your heart sank a little. Why did it do that? “She said that the paps hardly ever come around here.” He leaned down pressing a kiss to your temple. “I thought that draga mea deserved a quiet night out on the town.” His voice rasped as he spoke in his native tongue, making a shiver race down your spine.
“Well, tell her I said thank you.” You offered him a small smile. He wrapped his arm around your waist, drawing circles on the exposed skin above your jeans. He spoke with the hostess as your mind drifted away. You were pulled out of your thoughts when he guided you to your table. Sebastian sat across from you, staring deeply into your eyes. You brought your hand up to rest your chin on it, staring back at him. “How’s everything been going?” You were genuinely interested in the answer and it made your heart warm watching his face light up.
“It’s been going really well. Everyone we worked with was real nice, it made all the scenes more comfortable.” Seb’s eyebrows rose at the mention of the scenes and you knew which ones he was referring to.
“Oh, right.” You tried not to let your emotions show.
“Yeah, we’re about to start teasing some of them to promote the show.” Seb sighed at the thought of having to use social media, you shook your head at him.
“I’ll help you with it, you dork.” You laughed to hide your discomfort. “Which scene did they approve for the posts?” Sebastian began to speak when he was interrupted by your waitress. After the two of you ordered your food, the waitress returned with your drinks. Sebastian took a large gulp of his before answering your previous question.
“They want me to post the trailer and then the scene between Frank and Daphne at the bar.” You tried to think back to the script, remembering the context. Frank and Daphne were meeting after Daphne had gone out on a date with Jack. Daphne was claiming that she didn’t want to be a wedge in their friendship, then proceeded to make out with Frank. If you were recalling correctly, Frank and Daphne’s first sex scene followed soon after.
“Okay, we can do that. Do you have any behind the scene pictures you wanna post too?” Seb got out his phone, scrolling through his camera roll to see. He had several different photos of him with Jamie and then him with Shailene. He showed you his phone on a picture of Shailene leaned against him on a couch, her arm over his waist. A red filter colored the photo, you had to hand it to him, it was a good one to use. “We can post it whenever we get home, love.” Sebastian locked his phone and shoved it in his pocket, to focus solely on you.
“How has your day been, draga mea?” You bit your lip as you thought about what you’ve been doing. You’ve been working towards your Master’s, so your days have been filled with preparing for your dissertation. On top of that, you’ve become a bit of an influencer on different social media platforms. Really, you believe your popularity came from your relationship with Sebastian. You’ve been giving his fans the content that they’ve always wanted. Not only that, but you’re active with them.
“My day was good today. I had to edit a few papers from my other classmates but other than that I didn’t do much. I did make a few TikTok videos, but really today was a bit of a lounge day for me.” Seb smiled at you, proud of how hard you’ve been working.
“I should be getting a few days off soon, so we can relax together in the apartment, if you aren’t too busy with your classes.” He stretched his arm across the table, palm up waiting for your hand. Seb pulled your hand up to his mouth, placing a sloppy kiss onto the back of it. His eyes settled on you lovingly. To Sebastian, you were the greatest thing that had ever happened to him.
The two of you managed to finish your meal in peace. No fans came up to Sebastian asking for photos, no paparazzi swarms when you left, just a quiet meal for a normal couple in love. After you got home and you were snuggled in your pajamas alongside Sebastian in your comfortable bed, he handed you his phone to read over his post for his Instagram. The paragraph was sappy, about his time working with Drake, the director, and working with the rest of the cast. Seb always was a softy, never was able to hide it, especially in promo posts.
“It looks good to me. Are you going to post it now? Or wait until tomorrow morning?” Seb debated, he probably should wait and do it tomorrow, but he was most likely going to forget to do it. He clicked post, putting his phone on charge and snuggling into you.
“Thank you for always being there for me, Y/N.” He kissed your jawline, nuzzling his face into your neck. “It really means a lot to me, baby. I love you so much.” He wrapped both hands around your waist, pulling you to his front. You smiled wide, momentarily forgetting all of your troubles.
“I love you too, Seb.” You turned your head slightly, pressing a kiss against the corner of his mouth. “Now let’s get some sleep, love.” Little did you know that a single post could ruin all of the progress that you thought you had made.
*********************
You woke the next morning, alone in bed. You could hear pots clanging in the kitchen of your home, bringing a smile to your face. Before you left the safety of your bed, you checked your socials out of habit. You opened Instagram first, seeing an absurd amount of notifications this early in the morning. Your smile dropped as soon as you opened the first post. Comments on Sebastian’s post about Endings, Beginnings and his chemistry with Shailene weren’t entirely out of the ordinary. They were to be expected, they were playing parts in a love triangle. People were ‘shipping’ Shailene with Seb and Jamie, so that wasn’t too crazy.
What hurt you were the comments saying, “living for shailene and sebastian! she’s a much better match for him than y/n.”
“never thought that y/n girl was going to last, glad he’s going w shailene”
“shailene and seb supremacy”
“yes! i’ve always supported seb in everything he’s done, but i rlly questioned him when he got w that y/n girl. what was he thinking?!”
Tears gathered in your eyes as you continued scrolling. You never thought you and Sebastian never fit. You knew that people had issues with your relationship, but you never let it get in your head this bad. You checked your explore page, pictures of you and Sebastian from last night were riddling the page.
Your heart dropped.
There were pictures of the two of you from last night with parts of your body circled. The exposed skin above your waistband, the excess skin on your neck and arms. You don’t know where they got these pictures, but your stomach was steadily sinking with each picture you saw. The door of your room opened, revealing a smiley Sebastian with a plate full of eggs in one hand and a cup of orange juice in the other.
“Good morning, baby.” You quickly shoved your phone away from you, wiping your tears away from your eyes to meet his. His brows furrowed immediately. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” You snuffled quietly, before answering.
“Uh, nothing. I’m just so proud of you.” You smiled at him, not wanting to bring down his already happy mood with your problems. Was that entirely healthy? Probably not, but you were doing it anyway, consequences be damned.
“Oh, well you don’t have to cry for me, Y/N. Even if you’re proud.” He walked up to your side of the bed, placing the cup and plate on your nightstand. He brought his hand up to your cheeks, wiping away your tear streaks. “You know that I only like to see tears whenever it’s me causing you so much pleasure you beg me to stop.” He winked at you, smirking at your rising blush. To say that didn’t lift your spirits for about half a second would be a lie. Sebastian brought the plate to your lap, waiting for you to start eating. At this particular moment, after seeing all those horrible pictures of your body, your appetite had gone out the window, but he was so smiley.
“After you eat, I want ya to shower.” Sebastian’s hand came up to your jaw, cupping it as you used it to chew the eggs. “We’ve got a long day of lounging and enjoying each other's company ahead of us.” Sebastian stood from the bed, throwing a wink at you as he left the room dramatically. You stopped eating soon after he left, the food tasting like ash on your tongue. At some point, you got into the bathroom, staring at the reflection in the mirror.
Your phone was in your hand again. The pictures flooding your Twitter feed. Shaky breaths left your mouth as you watched your reflection tilt its head. Tears began gathering in your eyes as it felt like you weren’t in your own skin anymore. You had worked so hard to be comfortable in your own body.
It’s amazing how just one picture can ruin everything.
You leaned forward on the countertop, hands holding up your weight. You shifted towards the mirror, examining every miniscule detail that your eyes could see. Your lids came down quickly, tears dragging down your cheeks. You squeezed your eyes closed, shaking your head back and forth.
“You are not going to let this get to you.” You took a few deep breaths as you turned on the shower. Not wanting to be around the mirror anymore, you kept your bath short, talking to yourself the whole time. By the time you left the bathroom, it was steamed completely, you couldn’t see your reflection even if you wanted to.
“He loves you.” You had a mantra and you continued to repeat it as you walked into your shared closet. “He loves all of you.” You pulled one of his old t-shirts off a hanger. “Sebastian loves you.” A pair of your underwear and his loose boxers covered your lower half. “Sebastian loves all of you.” You shoved your feet into a pair of fuzzy pink socks, leaving the closet still muttering to yourself. You tucked your phone into your waistband after checking your socials again. You know you shouldn’t have, but there was some part of you that just wouldn’t let you not.
The same shit covered your For You page on TikTok. Videos from the trailer of Seb and Shailene and then videos of you and Seb, comparing the two relationships. “They do fit well together.” You thought to yourself. A part of you wondering why Seb was with you in the first place.
“Did you say something, love?” Sebastian looked at you from the couch. A blanket was strewn over his lower half, his upper body inviting, waiting for you to join him. His smile dropped when he took in your glassy eyes instead of your usual happy expression.
“Oh baby, what’s wrong?” He started towards you, eyes running over your body for any outward injuries. An understanding look crossed his face when he saw your phone clutched in your hand. “Y/N, talk to me, baby.” Sebastian’s hands rested on your shoulders, lightly caressing your biceps. You recoiled from his touch, feeling uncomfortable in your own body.
“Just some stuff that some fans posted.” Seb’s thumb traced just under your eye, wiping away the tears. He held his right hand out for your phone, to understand what you were talking about. His brows furrowed deeply as he scrolled, not fully processing how destructive his fans could be. Sebastian always believed that they were the best fucking people in the world. He knew that they could be mean, but this was something else.
“They don’t know what they’re talking about, Y/N.” Sebastian’s voice was firm. It was almost strong enough to cut through the fog invading your brain, but not quite. You had officially zoned out. Dead to the world. Lost in your own thoughts. No matter how destructive those thoughts may be.
Sebastian noticed that you were already too deep, having experienced this with you many times before. He was aware that you were self-conscious, insecure, however you want to describe it. Your anxiety always got worse when you were stressed. Prepping for your dissertation was definitely a stressful time. Add on top of that, Sebastian was constantly pulling you from your work for various reasons. Had he contributed to this? Scratch that thought, he didn’t have time for that. He needed to bring you back down to Earth, back to him.
“Y/N.” His hands hovered over your hips. “I’m going to touch you for a second.” He directed you to the couch, settling on the coffee table in front of you. His fingers lightly traced circles onto your knees, as he assessed how he should approach this.
“Y/N. Baby?” Sebastian hesitated before bringing his fingers up to your chin, not wanting you to react badly. “I’m right here, Y/N, it’s Sebastian.” His left hand hadn’t left your knee, continuing to trace small patterns into your skin, giving you something to ground yourself with. He watched you blink and swallow harshly, inhaling sharply before opening your mouth.
“Why are you with me?” Your chin trembled with unvoiced sobs. “You deserve the world, Seb. I’m not even--” Your sentence was cut off by a loud whimper causing tears to start streak down. Sebastian wasn’t sure if this was a situation where you wanted him to be involved, so he waited for a sign.
“I’m not even worth a glance from you.” Your hand came up to wipe at your runny nose. “They’re so right. You need to be with someone like Shailene.” A bitter sob racked your body, making your body fold in half. Sebastian caught you before you hurt yourself.
“Y/N. I love you.” He always heard you say that to yourself when you thought he wasn’t listening. He knew that you suffered from anxiety, so he was always watching. Always paying attention to your little cues. The little things that he could use to help you as much as he could. “I love all of you.” He held one of your hands, running his thumb over the back of it.
“I don’t care what they say, baby.” He lifted your face to his, steel blue eyes locking with your cloudy pair. “I picked you.” He pecked your right cheek. “I want you.” A peck to your left. “I want only you.” One to your forehead. “It’s always been you, Y/N.” Another on your chin. “I love all of you, Y/N.” Sebastian landed a final short kiss to your lips, lingering for only a second.
“I want you to understand something, Y/N.” His gaze never left you. “I’m not going anywhere.” His brows raised as he hardened his voice. “I’m especially not going anywhere at the behest of my fans. I love them to death, but they don’t get to decide who I love.” Sebastian shifted to sit next to you on the couch. “Is it okay if I put my arms around you?” All he got was a brief nod in return, which was expected.
“I’m yours, Y/N. As much as you’re mine.” His arms descended around you, wrapping you in a loving embrace. You turned to face him fully, bringing your own arms around his waist, shoving your head into his neck.
“I’m sorry you have to deal with all my shit, Seb.” Sebastian almost missed your comment because you spoke into his shoulder and through loud snuffles. He backed away to look you in the face.
“I signed up for this, Y/N. I’m here for whatever we go through.” He tucked a stray hair behind your ear. “We go through ‘your shit’ together, Y/N. This is a partnership, a two-way street.” He looked at the weak smile on your face, heart warming slightly at the sight. His face turned serious, casting a glance at your phone on the coffee table.
“How long have you been sitting on this?” He knew how quickly your mind could twist things, so he wasn’t sure what to expect. You bit your lip, not meeting his eyes anymore.
“Just since this morning.” He held you away from his body, watching your expression.
“Is this why you were crying earlier?” You gave him a meek nod in response. “Baby, I thought we talked about this. We have to talk to each other when we think we’re going to go into a funk.” The two of you had talked about it before, but you didn’t think this was going to be a funk.
“I should’ve been able to just shake this off because I know you love me and you won’t leave me because of something that some people on the Internet say.” The words left your mouth before you could process everything, your mind quick to defend itself.
“It’s okay, Y/N. You don’t always have to be able to shake something off. We just have to keep each other in the loop.” Sebastian looked over your tear-stained face, pressing a kiss to your forehead again. “Let’s ditch the phones today. Just spend the day in each other’s arms, how’s that sound?” You smiled softly, nodding at the man in front of you. He got up quickly hiding both of your phones in the kitchen somewhere.
This definitely wasn’t a solution to dealing with your anxiety, Sebastian knew that. It also wasn’t dealing with the toxic people on the Internet, but you didn’t need that right now. You needed to be immersed in an environment that accepted what you were going through without judgement, Sebastian could provide that. Seb hummed happily when you snuggled into his side under the covers on your couch while he searched for a movie. He kissed the top of your head and he felt you smile against his stomach.
“I’m proud of you, draga mea.” You turned to face him, a confused expression lacing your features.
“For what, Seb?” He stroked your face with a single finger, mapping out your features.
“I’m proud of how you handle yourself. I’m amazed at how strong you are, even when you think you’re not.” He leaned closer to you, whispering his next words. “You’re my hero.” One corner of your mouth twitched upwards, not wanting to accept it. You rolled your eyes playfully, settling back onto his stomach before speaking.
“I love you, Sebastian.”
“And I love you, Y/N.”
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I was wondering if you or any of your followers had any advice for building up emotional strength or resistance. Recently, I've found myself just utterly emotionally collapsing after I'm forced to defend myself from abuse and insults. I'm tired of feeling so emotionally fragile all the time
yeah okay here's my advice:
1. take breaks if you can. get out of whatever space is treating you this way. whether that be putting the phone down when you get anon hate, or leaving family functions where you are being mistreated, if you can get away from the hate for your mental health, do so. you don't owe anyone any part of yourself, especially people who are going to be dicks. you don't have to put up with this crap if you don't have to.
1.5. if you *can't* get out of these spaces, seek help. if you need to move out of an abusive situation, feel free to set up a GoFundMe/PayPal or whatever and i'll promo it on my blog if you need that kind of immediate help. just be careful on the internet; don't move in with randos or give out personal information about your situation. stranger danger and all that.
2. remind yourself that hate speech comes from a place of hate; not truth. people who talk to/about you in these ways don't know you. often members of hate groups send hate to targets in an attempt to get them to lash out (to use as evidence that you deserve to be targeted), or to reify their beliefs about you to others, or to harm you. even if what they're saying hurts, it doesn't come from an understanding of who you are, just a desire to hurt you. it's a small thing, but NEVER let them make you feel like you deserve hate speech or they're right about you. not letting verbal abuse change how you see yourself is a massive victory.
3. if the hate speech is digital, delete it. DON'T respond if you can help it, it's just giving them a platform. it's not true, it's just garbage, and garbage gets taken to the curb.
4. build a network of support. fill your life with people who don't treat yourself like this. maybe they're people like you, or allies. even just someone to talk to. my DMs are open if you need to vent.
5. build emotionally healthy habits. maybe for you this means writing it all out in a journal to get it out of your system, maybe it's videogames, or yoga, or just stopping and writing down 10 things you love about yourself. do something for you. it doesn't take away what you're dealing with, but it will help you feel better. you deserve to take the time to take care of yourself, to build a positive self-image and emotional space.
nobody has to go through this alone. my inbox is open if you need to vent. it's going to be okay.
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Hi there, I have a question. I really need some advice right now cause I'm pretty much on the verge of saying, 'fuck it' and giving up on writing / creativity in general. How do I continue creating content when me and my one friend seem to only enjoy it. Also, in the creative community I'm in, there are these things we make to promote our blogs and the whole point of them is that once you make them you're kinda suppose to expect people to reblog them, but no one reblogs mine and I feel bad.
I'm so glad you asked this question because it's a really good one!
1. Creative communities can be SUPER cliquey.
Definitely NOT knocking creative communities here! Sometimes, they can be really great for motivation and inspiration! But there are other times where they can (and they do) choose favorites. ESPECIALLY on tumblr. And 90% of the time, it probably doesn't have anything to do with the quality of the writing. It has to do with networking, personality, productivity, among many other things.
Here's a case in point: I am a published writer. I have 5 or so short stories in a variety of anthologies alongside stories written by: Seanan McGuire, R.S. Belcher, and Faith Hunter.
If my writing can hold up alongside authors like this, I must have some level of capability, right???
But when I dabble in fanfiction occasionally, you would be surprised how painfully little interaction I get on my stories. I see plenty of other writers get traction on THEIR stories in the same fandom with the same pairing, and - I hate to say it - those stories are often not edited at all and riddled with errors.
But maybe they publish more often.
Maybe they have more friends they chat with who are willing to promote their work.
Maybe they write more sexy stuff that people are willing to read, regardless of the writing quality.
My point is: outside of fanfiction, I feel strong in my writing abilities. But when I'm writing for fandom, I start to question whether I'm *actually* a decent writer or if I'm really just a sham.
Online communities are only one facet of the audience you can present your writing to. And if your current creative community isn't supporting you, keep looking to find one that does. Try other communities, other platforms, other writing events for promos. There are SO MANY ways to get your writing out there these days! Keep testing things out! :)
2. In the end, who are you writing for?
There's plenty of writing advice that insists you write for a niche audience.
There's plenty of writing advice that also points out how important it is to to be heard by an audience (which is true!)
But in the end, if you had no audience at all, if you were in the middle of a desert wasteland at the end of the world and you were the last person on the planet...would you still write? Would you still tell stories?
That sounds somewhat simplistic (and majorly overexaggerated...I mean, end of the world? really?? :P ) but you might benefit from taking some time to get away from the social aspect of writing communities for a while. It's really easy to get trapped in "keeping up" with your community, writing more to "be seen", etc.
But would you still write FOR YOU?
I wrestled with this issue myself a few years ago when fanfiction really took my knees out from under me and leveled my self-esteem as a writer.
But eventually, I always come back to the fact that I started writing because it helped me make sense of the world. I like telling stories. I feel comfortable and confident when I communicate through writing.
I've battled with social anxiety most of my life which has led to speech problems (stuttering, going mute) so speaking can be riddled with even more anxiety.
But when I write??? I feel calm. I feel capable.
I write because that's where I feel my strongest.
I run into problems when I weigh my writing against other people's responses to it and I put my writing's worth on their responses.
And let me tell you: that is a REALLY bad habit. Practice looking at your writing objectively and recognizing the worth of it WITHOUT other people's opinions.
Maybe take a break from your creative community. Don't share anything for a while. Write something for yourself and don't let them see it.
Then after a little time has passed, maybe explore some other communities and see if they're more willing to signal boost your writing :)
3. Success is objective. And strange.
Some of the best known authors in the world were rejected MANY times before they received acclaim for their writing.
Other authors hit the bestseller's list and then wrote a book that went bust because it just wasn't well-received by people for whatever reason.
That's the catch-22 about writing: there is no success formula. You can study best-selling books for a lifetime and STILL not find the answer to WHY they're all successful. One might be written incredibly well while another can be extremely choppy and flat.
You have no way to tell if people will like your writing or not.
The point is that hinging the worth of your writing on literally ANYTHING else except you will leave you frustrated and starving ENDLESSLY.
So tell the story you want to. Tell the story that you're proud of. Enjoy the process. :)
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be warned: long post. really long post. mostly because i wanted to get this out of my system.
i know no one asked but since i saw @/berlinini sharing why she doesn't like h... here's my take. i've been in this fandom for seven, almost eight, years. i was a larrie for most of them and... i didn't like harry for most of them either.
yes, i am stupid. this isn't some "oh, it took me so long to see something was wrong", it's mostly a "it took me so long to realize what exactly was wrong and to admit i needed to move on".
and i feel like it's important to speak about this because new fans are being pulled into larry, shamed if they don't want to stan harry too, told that louis isn't enough by himself, that he and his art are linked to harry styles and that's how it works. you see it in youtube comments of react channels and under louis own videos with people who discover him from projects. they're fighting tooth and nail to keep that connection alive, grasping at straws to make people believe there's (still) something there.
now, don't get me wrong. i've noticed the shift too. i've noticed there's a lot more of solo louies joining the fandom, i've noticed that he's being related to h and 1D less and less and i'm happy and proud. i still feel like a lot of larries need to open their eyes (i know some of them are harries in disguise, but, judging by my interactions, i also feel like there's lots of smaller accounts that are mostly louies stuck in the same mindset i was).
i still remember where i was when i first heard the rumors about harry, columbia and how much they were paying for him (mind you, this was before everything that happened in 2015, and it turned out to be true). i had no intention to watch dunkirk, i didn't care about the movie or the promo unless louis mentioned it on a interview. i found sign of the times boring. i didn't enjoy hs1 at all. i didn't like the content he was releasing and even back then i felt like he was too distant, out of touch with reality, performative...
to be honest, while there were a few larrie blogs i checked i mostly talked about it with a few friends who are part of the fandom too, and sticked to reading fics or getting excited about ""proof"" in a small circle.
and this small circle can tell you i would never bite my tongue with them about harry and how i felt about his decisions, and about louis career and the sabotage that was going on.
but i never tied the two. sometimes i would ask myself if i wasn't being too harsh on harry, if all of it was part of his public image, if it was true he was a victim of the contracts too, someone in the closet with no options, and i tried to look "past it". while i enjoyed fine line more than hs1 some of the songs weren't for me either (and it took me six months to listen to it). and it was uneasy for me to see him getting so much recognition when he didn't seem thankful, or even interested in what he was putting out, too busy trying to achieve new levels of fame. and every new thing i find out about him makes me dislike him even more. there's no authenticity, no self-respect, no gratitude, only greediness. empty stay at home t-shirts and data-mining BLM and looking like he's giving an eulogy after winning a Grammy (and only thanking the people who paid for it).
with quarantine i fell back into the fandom and made new larrie friends, and i found myself not kinda believing the "proof" they were excited about, or like i was just checking in for the tabloid drama of it all, too obsessed to let go. but in my mind it didn't make sense, and it didn't feel right, for louis, the louis that i saw, to be dating harry styles™️. sometimes i told myself it was fine if i didn't really like him because louis loved him and it was his personal decision not mine.
i feel like i've been a good judge of character since the beginning, in my case. i picked louis back in 2015 and i'll never regret that decision. i don't think i could ever stop supporting him. but i was so tangled in the idea, had dedicated so much time and energy to larry and that long-suffering, star-crossed soulmate fantasy we built that i wasn't thinking clearly.
i don't think i was actively hurting louis, personally (i never interacted with anyone about larry in other social media platforms, i purchased, supported, tried to promote and streamed his music and only his). in everything but my reading habits i was practically a solo louie already, but yet i was pushing this idea of a relationship that would be really toxic for him, were it to be true.
right now i'm at a point where i feel like i've finally opened my eyes. if they were together, it's obvious they're not anymore. and it's obvious that harry styles is both a blank canvas for sony and the azoffs and someone who doesn't care about what he has to give up for fame. he stopped caring about louis (or anyone who can't either help his career or push his image of the month) in any shape or form, a long time ago.
he surrounds himself with people that don't respect louis neither as a musician nor as a person, and i don't think he does, either. they're not in the same place (mentally and physically, they seem to be unable to be in the same continent for long periods of time). i think i've always known, i just wasn't ready to let go of this fixation i had dedicated so many years to (mostly, fanfiction), and right now i'm pretty firm on my beliefs.
if anyone wants to come and tell me that louis will never be as famous as harry, or that i'm wrong in how i perceive people... go ahead. i don't care. i don't want that level of fame for louis if it comes at that price, and i don't think he wants that either.
i've been here for the highs and the lows of louis career, and i can say i am proud of how his fanbase is growing organically right now, and how he owns his past instead of renouncing it, but he doesn't allow it to define him either. i see a consistency, a hard-working, warm-hearted person, even in the face of everything that has happened.
i see someone worth my time (and my money, which i'm more protective of 😂). i never saw that in harry, not even during the early days.
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📌
👻 Welcome to The Nasty Burger, I’m Ghost and I’ll be taking your order today. This is a side blog where I draw and ramble about anything Danny Phantom. Remember that I am human so please act appropriately in the establishment and respect any policies or refusals in place (basically just asking you to not be a dick lol), thank you.
👻 Art Request Policy: I only take requests every time I hit another thousand followers as a special event. I will pin new posts during these times with further detail as they are taking place so if you want to request something, look out for those! If you really want something drawn without waiting for a milestone, I take commissions on my main at @startadraws.
👻 Specials: I also now have exclusive fandom/DP posts over on my Patreon! As always, there are other one-time ways you can support me if you want (more details on my main) but Patreon is the only place with early access and never before seen content for my work. There will also be other non DP related stuff of course.
🔽 Click below to view the Menu 🔽
👻 Tag Directory:
ghost post- Any and all posts I make that are not art or animation, basically shitposts/ramblings/written hcs and so on.
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seance- Any ask I receive. Anons and URLs of askers are also tagged.
community posts- Things people have submitted. Some early stuff may not be tagged but the plain old “submission” tag catches everything pretty well.
offerings- Any art, fics, and gifts given to me. Always filled with more talented people and extra content for my aus.
dannyverse au- What is arguably my most popular/fleshed out au people usually find me through. Its a Spiderverse au, the tag is in chronological order. There is also a masterpost.
ghost core theory- Anything relating to my hcs about cores and ghost biology, also in chronological order. They are canon within the nasty reboot.
nasty reboot- A documentation of my personal interpretation for a danny phantom reboot. The motivation to do so was inspired by tumblr user enmitypark.
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promo- Self explanatory, I’m gonna try to use this to better promote DP events and other artists!
exposed for tag crimes- I have a habit of just rambling in the tags instead of putting it in the main post lol, many people screenshot them and do it for me.
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37 bleedin’ pages!
I have condensed them for you and left out most of the bits that the nasty evil British Press have already covered. Feel free to skip any boring bits.
Dax Shepard: Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert's Experts on Expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Mouse.
Monica Padman: Hi.
[...]
There follows some heavy marketing of towels and stuff...
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Pretty ironic really, as Harry wades into fake news and how advertising algorithms are ruining us...
DS:...It's like the algorithms on the internet. You can't compete with that, a human.
PH: You can't if you have the awareness of what it's doing to you. And the fact that it's learning, which is scary. And advertising has been going on for hundreds of years, but done really responsibly. The difference here is targeted ads. If ads have always worked for companies, you can put on the TV, you can walk away, you can come back, your involvement is switching on switching off or changing the channel. Whereas now with algorithms is there, it's just feeding your habits. And it's also reading through your emails and everything else. So it's getting to know you, like, it gets to know the decisions you're gonna make before you make them, then it creates this echo chamber of no pushback, of no context of nothing. It's just perpetuating and feeding the bias and the habits that you already have inside of you, which is terrible.[...]
Harry needs to learn about AdBlock and Ghostery and VPNs and Tor and DuckDuckGo and Smartpage and all the other clever little ways the computer-literate have of ridding their lives of unwanted advertising. I haven't seen an ad in years. The only person feeding my habits is me. It’s called personal responsibility. Maybe Harry still needs a Nanny but most grown-ups don’t. Oh wait, I forgot, the “Meghan&Harry Show” fans are all kids.
PH: [...] It's a computer. It's like, who wrote the algorithms? You guys did? Probably all male and all white.
Oooh, let's be sexist and racist, Harry! Did you ever hear of these women or are they too scary?
https://biztechmagazine.com/article/2012/05/mothers-technology-10-women-who-invented-and-innovated-tech
Then they discuss Naked Vegas (this guy Dax has a thing about nudity) and Harry in Afghanistan. And discuss a calendar of naked men that DS and MP put together - their favourite male bodies. What a good job it's only gloating over naked male bodies and not naked female bodies. It's apparently acceptable, for some reason. Harry doesn't know who the guys are.
DS: Monica makes this for me every year and it's a calendar of all my favourite bodies of friends.
MP: And they're all men.
DS: They're all men.
MP: And they're all gorgeous bodies.
[...]
And is Harry nervous talking about mental health? He shouldn't be, he's been banging on about it for years.
PH: Yeah. Was I nervous? No. Not so much nervous. But I guess on this particular subject around mental health. Yeah. For me, it's always a, unfortunately, today's world is quite a sensitive subject, not just for the people who are sharing. But ultimately, the subject matter itself has to be handled with care. [...] It ends up getting weaponized by certain people.
Weaponised by certain people? Like him and Markle, for instance. Neither of 'em has any talent so they weaponise their mental health. Big big mental health bombs loaded with word salad to lob at their own families and cause huge distress. Not nice, Harry.
PH: That's how I've always felt when it comes to projection. I mean, hatred is a form of projection, right? [...] We're not born to hate people. So it manifests itself over a period of time. And of course, it can come from unresolved pain, or being hurt continually, as a young kid or through adult life. But ultimately, there's a source to it. There's a reason why you want to hate somebody else.
Like his dad, his brother...
PH: And actually have some compassion for them. Which is really hard when you're on the receiving end of this, like, just vile, toxic abuse. But the reality is, is you say, flip it. [...] Every single one of us wherever we are, wherever we come from, there will always try and find some way to be able to mask the actual feeling and be able to try and make us feel different to how we are actually feeling, perhaps having a feeling. Right, because so many people are just numb to it. That was a huge part of the beginning of my life, which was like, I rejected. I said, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine.
And now he's moved on to promoting his new mental health stuff with Oprah, The Me You Can't See...
PH: So if you are making that conscious decision to say: You know what, it's not self serving, but I want to share my story. I'm being asked to share my story to hopefully help someone or loads of other people. I'm probably going to get trolled. I'm probably going to get attacked by the same people that were doing anyway. If I'm willing to make that decision, surely that comes from a place of courage rather than weakness?
Or possibly naivety. Harry is only wanted for his money-making title and royal status; he has no mental health qualifications, he's not a mental health professional, he's not an expert, all he brings to the table is the glamour of being a prince of the BRF. Which he quite clearly hates. Markle is lining her pockets from their self-indulgent mental health whinge fest and he's too dim to see it. There follows the bit about the spectrum of upbringing that the press is covering nicely so I can skip the next few pages - the bits where Harry says he doesn't see that talking about his own issues is complaining, and “it's the job, right”, how he never wanted the job of being royal, and his therapy and how “massively self-critical” he is (yet still can't see that he's not being honest with himself), ooh and sharing his hatred of the British press - that's a good bit, let's skip to page 18:
PH I think the biggest issue for me was that being born into it, you inherit the risk, you inherit the risk that comes with it, you inherit every element of it without choice. And because of the way that the UK media are, they feel an ownership over you. Literally like a full on ownership. And then they give the impression to some of their, well, most of the readers, that that is the case. But I think it's a really dangerous place to be if you don't have a choice, but then, of course, then people quite rightly will turn around and go. So what if you didn't have a choice? It was privilege? [...] Page Six of the New York Post, they took pictures of my son being picked up from school on his first day [...] But I guess my point is the way that I look at it, especially now living here one hour outside LA. Like it's a feeding frenzy here. We spent the first three and a half months living at Tyler Perry's house. You let us stay. And the helicopter helicopters, the drones the paparazzi cutting the fence like it was madness. And people out there -Their response was, Well, what do you expect if you live in LA? It's like, Okay, well, first of all, we didn't mean to live in LA. This is like a staging area before we try and find a house. And secondly, how sad that if you live in LA and you're well known figure, you just have to accept it. The first security we had, I said, Well, where's the safest place? Inside. Just because I'm a well known person, you can't go outside anymore. [...] it's really, really sad. And of course, their argument is - the paparazzi and everybody else - is like all if you're in the public space, then it's absolutely fine for us to do it. So what is our human right as an individual and as a family, you're saying that if the moment we step foot out of our house, that it's open season and free game? What? Because of public interest?. There's no public interest in you taking your kids for a walk down the beach. Nothing...
And on and on it goes... He should've stayed in the UK then. The Cambridges are managing very nicely, thank you. They take their kids for walks on the beach, and we'd never seen them until they released their anniversary video the other week. Harry's clearly envious of William; Harry's mad wife is vitriolically envious of Catherine. Oh and I’m pretty sure it’s the mad wife who keeps phoning her go-to paps when she needs to be in the news again.
PH: [...] I believe we live in an age now where you've got certain elements of the media redefining to us what privacy means. There's a massive conflict of interest. And then you've got social media platforms, trying to redefine what free speech means. Why - I wonder why you're doing that. And again - so this has been happening for 15 years now. And we're living in this world where we've almost like all the laws have been completely flipped by the very people that need them flipped so they can make more money and they can capitalise off our pain, grief, and this sort of general self destructive mode that's happening at the moment [...]
He doesn't get how hypocritical this is, does he? The Markles are the ones capitalising on their grief, pain and the rest of it. And no-one would be interested in them without the royal bits because they have nothing else to offer. Failed actress and used-to-be-a-soldier wrapped up in festering bitterness.
Blah, blah... went shopping in a supermarket... saw lots of chewing gum... blah, blah... Archie on the back of his bicycle... girls want to be princesses... You don't need to be a princess, you can create the life that will be better than any princess or it's something along those lines... she said she expected [the press] to be fair... Pages and pages of how he hates the British press...
PH: [...] And especially when you can't defend yourself so yes, I think when you marry into it, especially when it's one Princess Diana's sons there is a certain amount of 'okay what I'm actually letting myself in for?' But very few people actually know - apart from the Brits - how toxic that element of the of the UK press is.[...]
We're up to page 24 now, if you're still with me. Oh here it is, Harry's unconscious bias... What’s the betting the mad wife has scripted this bit for him?
PH: [...] So going back to the whole sort of travelling around the Commonwealth, I thought I knew, right, having been able to travel that much and meet so many and such a diverse group of people. I thought I understood life. Especially bearing in mind most of the countries I was going to were, most of the communities are going to were people of colour. But then I was really shocked once I started doing therapy. And that bubble was burst. And I started doing my own work, really - a lot of work - and started to uncover and understand more about unconscious bias. And I was like, wow, I thought since I screwed up when I was younger, and then did the work. I thought I then knew. But I didn't. And I still don't fully know. It's like a constant working progress. And every single one of us has it. [...] Everyone has biases, of all sorts. But I think it's a really important point, especially now, after everything's happened in the last year and a half, like the world is changing, the younger generation are driving it. And you've got to like a multi-racial, cultural sort of movement happening, which has never happened before. But unconscious bias is the way that I understand it, is, again, it's not something that's wrong with you. Right? And you don't have to be defensive about it. That's the thing. No one's blaming you. But the moment that you acknowledge that you do have unconscious bias, what are you going to do about it? Because if you choose to do nothing you're continuing to fuel the problem, which means that you're then heading towards racism. Whereas unconscious bias is actually something that is inherent, unfortunately, in every single one of us. But that it is possible to educate yourself to be more aware of the problems and therefore be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.
Markle's got him well-trained on this one, hasn't she. I wonder if he's read anything critical of the unconscious bias movement, or just repeating what he's been told to. Oh and then he goes off about being in the army...
PH: I loved it. I love wearing the same uniform as everybody else. I love being treated the same. I love the expectation of if you want to get that job, or you want that promotion, or you want to finish this race, it's all on you. There's no special treatment, you're not going to get any help. If anything, you're probably going to get treated the opposite because everyone thinks that you've had an easy life. And everyone's always helped you get to where you are.
But...but...but, Harry wasn't treated the same, there was special treatment, he was helped to get to where he was. He scraped a couple of poor quality A Levels and got admitted to Sandhurst because he's a prince. Good old Wikipedia says:
In June 2003, Harry completed his education at Eton with two A-Levels,[22] achieving a grade B in art and D in geography, having decided to drop history of art after AS level.[23] He has been described as "a top tier athlete", having played competitive polo and rugby union.[24] One of Harry's former teachers, Sarah Forsyth, has asserted that Harry was a "weak student" and that staff at Eton conspired to help him cheat on examinations.[25][26] Both Eton and Harry denied the claims.[25][27] While a tribunal made no ruling on the cheating claim, it "accepted the prince had received help in preparing his A-level 'expressive' project, which he needed to pass to secure his place at Sandhurst."[25][28]
PH: And then suddenly, like - while I was at school, I hated exams. And I promised myself I'd never do exams again. Then I joined the army of which is full of exams. I still promised myself I'm never gonna do it and then I end up flying Apache [...]
Gods, it's getting boring. Even the interviewers are zoning out. Still ten pages to go. Wish I hadn't started this, I could be out weeding. Weather's nice, not too windy... Do I deserve a quick G&T yet?
PH: Or worse, was they turn around and say, right, because last week, you're out the front. This week, you got to carry his bergan, I'm like - what, 30 extra pounds? Nooo. But it was, it was the most normalising experience or job that I could have ever hoped for. And then going to Afghanistan twice [...] And someone said to me very recently, from the moment that you're born into today's world, life is trauma, so the sooner that we actually acknowledge that but but [...]
A-a-a-a-and he's back on the mental health thing, PTSD or PTSI,
PH: Post Traumatic Stress Injury is like: Well, that makes sense, because I just saw my mate get blown out. But the other piece of this is, what we need to remember is, the lot of the recruiting that we do in the UK, comes from certain cities and certain homes, where there's childhood trauma. So what we collectively have already got inside of us, the trigger of seeing something happen in Iraq, Afghanistan can be the trigger. So everyone goes: Oh, it's because they were on operations, and because they saw their makeup blown up. It's like, no. [...] So that's what I've been working on for years, for the last five years, which is like, and it started in therapy of like, I don't want to lose this thing, because I think it's, I feel so connected to my mum. [...]
They move on to parenting, which the press is rubbing its hands over... Harry blaming everyone but himself and his saintly mother - Charles, HMTQ, PP... "They f*ck you up, your mum and dad". But not the mum bit. He can't push his mum off her pedestal.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse if you don't know Larkin's poetry. How much more? Nearly there. Monica loves The Crown and doesn't realise it's fictitious.
DS: [...]Well, Harry, I've really really liked talking to you. You're very charming. You're very intelligent. You're handsome, and I can't wait to see your torso.
MP: Thank you so much for coming.
DS: So I just want to remind everyone that May 21 on Apple Plus, you should check out Oprah and Prince Harry's 'The Me You Can't See'. I have to imagine it's similar to her book, which I just read, which is absolutely incredible 'What happened to you?' So everyone should check out 'The me you can't see' on Apple plus May 21.
And still Harry won't shut up... Shut up, shut up. Cut his mic. You don't have to read this last bit, they've already wound up the interview...He still won’t shut up.
PH: Yeah, we're moving from the physical to the emotional, right, physically. At the beginning of this pandemic, people were panicking. And there was that fight or flight like, ahh what do we do like lockdown, survival? Yeah. And now that the vaccines have been sort of, we're getting to the point where more and more people are being vaccinated, we're now in the emotional phase of what I read in the New York Times article was called languishing, which is really interesting. It's like the is the middle child between flourishing and depression. You just feel flat, and it's not depressed. It's definitely not flourishing. You lack the energy and the will, the motivation, all that kind of stuff. Because you're kind of sitting there going - Well, what happens next? And I think it's really important that we talk about languishing. And it was coined by someone I can't remember who but I think it was the journalist who wrote the story was Adam Grant. No, he didn't come up with it. Someone else came up with him, he wrote this, the most amazing article about languishing and the fact that how important it is to be able to talk about it because - look when it comes to mental health, we need to realise and accept that every single one of us have mental health. There's varying degrees, as we said, you've got the mental illness, and then you've got the sort of the awareness and the work that you can put in, like, Where do you want to be that we shouldn't just sit there and go: Oh, mental illness is once we are literally on the floor crawling around in the foetal position needing help. But for me, I don't think I need therapy anymore. But I wanted. And when I say therapy, I mean, actual therapy, sitting down having a discussion with someone. But I also mean like, nature, like going for walks, like throwing the ball for my dog down the beach and stuff like that. There are certain things around the world that are free, some you have to pay for, but ultimately go searching for the things that make you feel good about yourself. Like that's the key to life, get rid of the bad stuff, get rid of the hate, and just focus on the good. And your whole life turns around from that. I hate this idea. And I was one of them. I fell for it. Right? I didn't acknowledge that clearly what happened to me when I was 12 years old, losing my mom and all the other pieces that happened, the traumatic experiences that happened to me since then, I didn't acknowledge them, when perhaps - maybe I need to deal with this because if I don't, how the hell am I going to be a decent father to my son and my daughter? Like that awareness, I didn't have then. But again, we've got what - 40 experts as part of this series, and the Surgeon General, Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, she's absolutely fantastic. And she was talking about this concept of mental health being sort of public health, right. Because the services are so limited. There's not enough money. The problem is actually immense. How can we all help each other rather than this: 'Oh, once I'm broken, or once I'm suffering, I have to go here.' And there's not enough rooms or spaces for the amount of people or the for the need, when actually you can get ahead of it, and work on the prevention by sharing and being more vulnerable with each other, and being able to process this grief or this loss, or this trauma that every single one of us have experienced and will experience. So anyone who's sitting there going: 'I don't have a problem, and I never will have a problem.' Well, you probably are already contributing to the problem, because you probably got your blinkers on, you probably created your own echo chambers. So I think it's a that, that's certainly what I've experienced for my own process, my own journey, my family and my friends and everybody else is. Anyone who thinks, oh, we're fine. You're the one who's like, willing to talk about it. It's like, yeah, I'm willing to talk about it and talking about it. And the financial element as well. We're pouring money into on the downsteam, when it's like, Can we just focus upstream? Yeah, we focus on one thing, like to me listen to Oprah was what was one of the reasons that this whole thing started was two of the biggest issues that we're facing in today's world, I think, is the climate crisis, and mental health. And they're both intrinsically linked. Basically if we neglect our collective wellbeing, then we're screwed. Basically, because we can't look after ourselves. We can't look after each other. We can't look after each other, we can't look after this home that we all inhabit. So it's all part of the same thing.
DS: Prince Harry, I don't say this lightly. I love you. Thanks for coming. This was great.
M: Thank you so much.
PH: Thank you very much.
Wish I'd done my weeding.
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- christ i hate smug mma dudes more than anything on this earth. you're a man doing mma what do you have to be excited about? washing out of ufc and having to resort to a dying professional wrestling company? the systematic oppression of women? the paul brothers? i'm putting nails in your shoes
- the rare and coveted tshirt ariya. phwew he's really uh. he's very. twirls hair. he's kinda
- ariya using a rose metaphor for himself teehee i love being very smart and always right about everything
- "i guess you don't think tony can do it on his own aye" is soooooo so so far from anything that has ever happened between tony and ariya that it's LAUGHABLE. ariya deserves to laugh in his face. cringe and fail broadway-musical-rock-of-ages-male-lead-understudy looking little man. no i'm gonna argue with the kayfabe enemy actually the WHOLE THING up to this point has been ariya trying to prove himself and the subtle tension of tony becoming champion where ariya never has, the only the ONLY time ariya has ever not believed in tony is when he had a full on spiral breakdown towards the beginning of the year when they were questioning splitting them up again for some fucking reason and then it got retconned because DUHHHHHH why would you ever split tony and ariya up just for fun or a giggle when they;ve got the most complex relationship on 205 if you re*you walk away knowing all of this already because you have heard this every week for the last three years but you can still hear me talking in the distance, talking and talking though no one is there...*
- obsessed with this promo actually...ariya's mannerisms are so good he's SO...FUN. i LOVE watching him. he is so self-assured and so charming and there is so obviously so much frustration buried like, an INCH deep beneath all of it. it takes grey pushing him ONCE for him to lose his verve. im SO interested in this
- the thread here is, of course, "you think tony can't do it on his own?" which, as i've stated, is so far from true or what ariya thinks that it's comic. when ariya spits, "of COURSE tony nese can do it on his own", there are a lot of factors at play. when he concedes that maybe instead of going out there, he WILL stay backstage, there's a lot going on there!!! there IS!!! *voice of an unwell person* there IS a lot going on - tony doesn't need to prove he can do it on his own, because he already has. ariya's storyline...like i mentioned, he had a weird moment at the beginning of the year, when it seemed like maybe he and tony were going to be split up. that was very much a moment of "okay the writing might change so it's time to set something up" of course but i think it's interesting to think about as a character impulse. ariya is working to prove he can do things on his own. this has BEEN his thing. he and tony are a team again, but ariya's tried to win with other teams and he's tried to win alone, and though he's successful more often than 205 would have you believe, he's still very shaky. tony has been allowed to work outside of the orbit of other people, and ariya hasn't gotten that chance as much. and, besides that, tony doesn't CARE about it in the same way ariya does. tony...when he gets intense, it's about interpersonal stuff. drew, buddy, cedric, akira, swerve. tony competes with people! ariya competes with himself. does that make sense. i know what i mean. its fine ariya...is on edge. he likes tony and he likes working with tony, but he hasn't been a competitor like tony is. tony's been very accomodating, stepping back or supporting ariya's feuds and allowing him to do What He Needs To Do, which means ariya can try to work alone without going completely rogue and sabotaging shit. when he tried to cut himself off from tony, it was...well it was retconned. but. that's what he's done before and this time it didn't work because ONE it's just tony and ariya, there's no exacerbating force, and TWO, tony and ariya are, after all, friends. tony wants to be friends with ariya and it is hard work to be friends with ariya but he will do it. so they work it out. and ariya is left feeling very very weird about it, and very very aware of how much he kind of depends on tony, when tony doesn't depend on him, at all. ariya tries to protect tony and gas him up and keep an eye on him to make up for All That He's Done Before and to feel like this friendship is two-sided (which it is, of course, friendship is more than a strategic advantage but that's how ariya's always approached it and it's a hard habit to break), but he doesn't have the wins to back up the feeling of being Worth It as a friend. it's...i feel like i just sound out of my gourd saying all of this lol and i am. but when ariya bitterly says, "of course tony nese can do it on his own." it's not just the anger at grey being a dickhead towards tony. it's also ariya being painfully aware that tony can do it without ariya's help. there's a threat in that statement, that question that doesn't need to be asked. there's an irony to it. its...think about it this way: if tony was talking to grey about watching ariya's match, grey wouldn't snark about if tony thought ariya could do it. you know?
- that doesnt make sense. whatever <3 im free
- wow love seeing kushida defending the title. imagine if that happened.....on.......205 live
- ariya literally getting successfully talked out of watching tony's match because he wants to show he believes in tony :( i'm hurt...i'm so hurt. so fucked up and twisted. by GREY too, ariya has kind of a BIT with grey huh. him cheating to pin ariya and then going noooo cheating is wrong against all other opponents. the way grey is super hypocritical and shitty to him and then to no one else. ariya almost respecting him for what ariya understands as Someone Who Gets It and then revealing oh no i just really don't like you and want to piss you off. this one dude who keeps targetting ariya specifically in all the ways that most drive ariya into a frenzy and he managed to hit him where it hurts the most enough to drive him into hiding. oughhhh aughhhh - everyone on 205 being a hater for no reason and seeing ariya trying to deal with his Issues(TM): hm. i can make him worse
- SUNFLOWER JACKET!!!!!!!! SUNFLOWER JIRO. PRECIOUS AND BELOVED. KING AMONG ALL CRUISERWEIGHTS. I DONT KNOW WHO ARIYA IS
- the exaggerated "BOO!""YAY!" cheers for jiro. who am i to say he doesn't deserve them. he DOES. we LOVE jiro. jiro is allowed to homewreck gold standard if he wants to i'll pretend not to see
- UNBREAKABLE!! AUGHHH HE'S SO COOL AND FUN AND HIS MIND IS SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL. jiro has such a fucking bonkers sense of like...dragging a move out. that man can MAKE a sequence! he gets the upper hand and he holds onto it for ages and the entire time its never dull. always with the momentum! always with the visualization of everything around him and how to make it into a show. i just simply think that jiro kuroshio
- HE'S DYINGGGGGGG NOOOOOOOO JIRO. TONY NESE YOU'RE A DEAD MAN. he looks great at this angle though love you weirdo. oh NO your jacket is NOT cool enough to pull this off fkshsdskd - jiro injecting some MUCH needed humor back into 205 thank you so much
- tony's stupid joth uniform next to jiro's sunflower pattern is SO good. fuckin goth v prep diagram dynamic. creamsicle blogging moments
- OH I LOVE A GOOD PIN. we LOVE a good pin don't we. that kick to tony on the apron ROCKS
- clearly you don't own an air fryer...
- OH HIS FORM IS FUCKING UNREAL. WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!! JIRO KUROSHIO BABEY
- i REALLY like this match. this is 205 to me
- IS THAT A 205 CHANT??? IS THAT A 205 CHANT I HEAR??? OH????? WORM????? ITS BEEN LIFETIMES....................
- ooohohohoohohHOOO tony's recovery from the moonsault. that was. dare i say. Epic
- JIROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
- jiro treating mister nese like a little football. sorry anthony. perhaps you should just be cooler <3
- THAT WAS SO FUN......what a meaty episode this week. harkens back to 205 of old.............i love it. im loving this energy. jiro kuroshio you are going to save 205 i believe it
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At the stroke of midnight on January 31st, 2020, the music industry was single-handedly saved by just a young lad from Doncaster. We can all agree, in confidence, that the majority of artists won’t top the charts with their first LP, especially with little to no promo. “Walls” however, debuted at #1 on the worldwide iTunes charts, a feat not many will come by. Judging by its success, we can rightfully assume this album could be rather magical. Just over a month into the decade, I can happily testify that this may be one of the greatest pieces of work we’ll see over the span of the next 10 years. The only record I may allow to top it, will be Tomlinson’s sophomore album, which is fair to speculate will have a little less fan service and show a little more of the grunge britpop rockstar that Louis is dying to showcase.
Oh, this guy’s from One Direction, too. It’s a fact that doesn’t need to be honed in on, but in case you aren’t familiar with his older work, the UK-based band is where he found his origin story. Though hopefully after giving these tracks a listen, we’ll all be able to start celebrating him as the solo artist he was destined to become.
Kill My Mind
You hate me and I want more.
Perhaps I wasn’t alive during majority of the Britpop Movement of the 90s, but I can wholeheartedly say that if you played this opening track for anyone familiar with the genre, they would tell you it would feel right at home as a feature on one of Oasis’ final LPs or as a single brought to us by Blur. However, that is not to say it lacks originality. In fact, far from it. His thick Yorkshire accent demands your attention right off the bat. This song is confident, it’s loud, it’s sexy, it’s everything his loyal fanbase has been patiently waiting to see arise from the musician. It’s a different Tomlinson than the general public may be accustomed to, but it’s a perfect example of an artist finding their authentic self. The electric opener, Kill My Mind gives us a little tease as to what’s to come.
Don’t Let It Break Your Heart
What hurts you is gonna pass and you’ll have learned from it when it comes back.
After careful consideration, this may be the album’s weakest link. It draws on a bit of the pop-influence his previous audiences may be more familiar with. Previously, Louis released a single-edit and a piano version. The one featured on the album, is by far the most well mixed. It’s filled with beautiful harmonies and the layered vocals have a lot of potential. The message of this song is uplifting, about overcoming hardships with grace and allowing yourself to grow from them — A theme not uncommon in Louis’ writing or general life philosophy. Always the lyricist, coming from him, this message works and it works beautifully into the melodies of the song. My main issue comes down to production. The background vocals are choppy and make the general feeling of the song a little cheesy. Ultimately, it all just sounds forced. I can say however, experiencing this song live is a different story. Some songs are meant to be played live, and this just happens to be one of them.
Two of Us
We’ll end just like we started, just you and me, and no one else.
The lead single was one Louis himself proclaimed needed to be written, or else his other art would suffer from being insincere. “I just feel like musically, I almost needed to get this song off my chest,” He recently told Rolling Stone, “People say writing is a part of therapy and in a way, I feel like I’d been avoiding writing this song because I knew I only had one chance to get it right.” For those who may be unaware, at the start of his solo career, Louis tragically lost his mother, the person he was closest with, to leukemia. Out of respect to him, I won’t dwell on this, and it does feel fairly inconsiderate to put the piece under review, per say. I will, however, assert that it is a stunningly orchestrated song. You can feel the authenticity and honesty radiate from the words he’s singing, especially in the big build up of the chorus in comparison to the heart wrenching and softly sung outro. It’s rare we find artists who are proud to wear their hearts on their sleeves and speak with true openness. Each song is an example of this, but Two of Us broadcasts this vulnerability loudly, as he gives us an anthem of accepting that you’re grieving and reminding listeners to always hold onto hope.
We Made It
Nothing in the world that I would change it for, singing something pop-y on the same four chords.
Yes, she’s corny, yes her lyrics might not be up to standard with the rest of his work, and yes, she is my favorite song on the album. We Made It, is filled to the rim with nostalgia and embracing that although the tunnel was dark, there was in the end, a light. For anyone who has grown up with Louis and supported him through all the twists and turns of his decade long career, this song could be a celebration of us and our relationship with our favorite musician. There were always struggles along the way, but we, as fans, never turned our back on him. We were there for him when he needed us to lean on. The sentiment remains when reversed. Ultimately, whatever we needed, he was able to provide. It’s easy to see how much of a team Louis and his followers are, and this song is honoring that. If you’re less familiar with the singer himself, then this track is just a fun little guitar-driven song that reminisces those nights of getting smashed and blazed out of your mind with your young love, and what’s wrong with that?
Too Young
Face to face at the kitchen table, this is everything I’ve waited for.
Every album needs a song to cry to, and for Walls, this is the one. There aren’t too many complexities here, as Louis has said he generally likes to stray away from metaphors when he can. The calm strumming of the acoustic guitar, lends itself beautifully to the track, and never overpowers Louis’ voice. Vocally, this a huge example of a myriad of Louis’ strengths. It contrasts some of the heavily belted pieces we hear later on in the album, and focuses on the softness he’s able to convey in his killer range of a chest voice. His raspy tone demonstrates a certain intimacy. When the song is listened to through headphones with your eyes closed, it almost feels as if Louis is right there on your bedside, gently playing a personal piece he had just written and trusts you enough to perform it for you first. There’s a certain amount of emotional intelligence demonstrated in this song, as he never pulls the victim card, but instead takes the mature approach of admitting to where he’s gone wrong. This notion is used a lot in his writing, and is a sure telling of his character. This catchy little ballad wouldn’t feel out of place on albums of most genres, musically lacking some originality, which is made up for with the candor and polish in his vocals.
Walls
Why is it that “thank-you” is so often bittersweet?
Objectively speaking, this is the most well crafted track on the album. Perhaps even more Oasis-y than some Oasis hits, it even earned itself a writing credit from Noel Gallagher himself. By now, we are more than well accustomed to embracing Louis’ themes of overcoming barriers (or walls). It’s something he writes about often, and why shouldn’t he? He knows what it’s like to stand above what’s been dragging you down more than anyone. The most titular lyric opens and closes the tune, proclaiming, “Nothing wakes you up, like waking up alone.” As soon as you’re hit with this, you know you’re listening to a song which dares the audience to take the musician earnestly. Louis has always been the funny one who has chosen to never take himself too seriously in life. With his music, he had a hard time at the start, choosing to put out records which defined Top 40, but never himself. Walls forces us to accept the artist he’s become. It proves to every listener, that Louis Tomlinson is a musician, a lyricist, a vocalist; a true craftsman. He is a serious artist and this salient track forces us, for once, to accept him as one.
Habit
Took some time cause I ran out of energy, of playing someone I’ve heard I’m supposed to be.
Back in February of 2018, Louis teased this lyric on his twitter, sending fans into a frenzy of when and where this sentiment might come into play. In September of last year, he finally played it for us live. This live version of the song was a complete bore. Again, Louis’ biggest asset in his music may come from his lyrics. He wrote more songs for One Direction than any of the other boys, often partnering with Liam Payne who would work on the melodies, while Louis focused on cutting deep with his words. This is more than evident here, meaning any initial fondness of this song was independently due to the verses he was singing. When the album finally hit stands and we were able to hear the studio version, I have to say, my opinion on this absolute banger changed drastically. It may be a little controversial to say, but this song might have some “Yeehaw” vibes. If you played someone the opening, before his vocals take the forefront, it would’ve been fair to assume it was a Maren Morris hit. Country/Britpop/Indie isn’t exactly something I would ever even consider diving into, but let me tell you, this certified bop has been on repeat. Here’s to hoping him and his band can put together a new live arrangement before the world tour kicks off in March.
Always You
Waiting to wrap your legs around me, and I know you hate to smoke without me.
To be blunt, this song was a fan service. If it wasn’t for Louis’ persistent stans, this track may have been ditched months ago. However, when he gave us a glimpse of the songs upbeat opening lyric three years ago, we latched onto it. For years we bombarded Louis, telling him this song needed to stay on the record, and thank God he listened. He did realize partway through the writing process that this isn’t the sort of music he would like to put out anymore, so it may not resonate with someone looking for the more grungy side of the artist. Always You is almost pure bubblegum and it sounds like it should be radiating loudly off festival speakers. The tune will be a crowd-pleaser, and will surely bring the most hype for live audiences. It’s the sort of song you want to scream out while drunk on a rooftop in the summer atop the ocean in New York City, which is exactly what myself and approximately 6800 more fans will be doing this June.
Fearless
Cash in your weekend treasures, for a suit and tie, a second wife.
God damn is Fearless sexy. The slow and pulsing beat of this song, with the organic guitar, subtle production, and his sultry voice are a recipe for a great and sensual tune. The song was written with the inspiration of feeling youthful, and teaches what to center your sense of self-worth around. There’s a certain level of maturity that comes with a song of these intentions, and in that, Louis is able to showcase his ever growing wisdom. “What I wanted to try and capture with the song is the idea of feeling youthful and how important that is,” He recently said in an interview with Apple Music, “I’m at this age where I’m on the cusp — I’m definitely not a teenager, I’m not a young lad anymore, nor am I old, but I sit in this space where I’m aware of my age now. I hear it as a playground or going back to real youth.”
Perfect Now
Don’t you wanna dance? Just a little dance?
On release day, Louis did a signing, where he bravely asked a few fans what their least favorite track on the album was. Everyone said Perfect Now, earning them a high five from the man himself as well as his genuine agreement. While many look at it as a cheesy romantic love song, masquerading as a rejected early One Direction track, mirroring Little Things or What Makes You Beautiful, I wholeheartedly disagree. It’s easy to chalk it down to being “cheesy” when you approach it as being romantic, but if you look at it as, simply, a love song, that changes the perspective. Louis sings over an appealing and charming little guitar melody, and you can almost hear his smile. It’s easy to picture him singing this to his younger sisters as a piece of brotherly encouragement, or to a good friend who needs cheering up after a hard day. This darling melody invites you to dance around your bedroom feeling loved. Perfect Now proves that not everything has to be deep and serious; allow yourself to be open to simply feeling happy over the little things like a lyric that makes you smile. When in the chorus he prompts, “Keep your head up, love,” listeners can’t help but feel a sense of personal support from the artist, which is exactly what makes this song so special.
Defenseless
We’re sleeping on our problems like we’ll solve them in our dreams.
It’s understandable why Louis likes to stray from metaphors in his writing, because generally speaking, they simply aren’t good. This is proven with lyrics such as, “I’m running to you like a moth into a flame”. As well as this, the rhyming of “defenseless” with “fences” and then “defenseless” again, doesn’t exactly sit well. The song does grow to be much better than anticipated after the first verse. The pre-chorus has a strong beat, which you’ll find yourself accidentally clapping along to in public. The bridge allows Louis to explore his falsetto, which is something we’ve never heard from him before. It’s strong and poignant, and it’s a real shame that his old band never gave him the opportunity to use his voice in all its capabilities. The control Louis has over his vocals throughout this song is astonishing, and almost unheard of in most modern music outside of musical theatre. This track alone, proves that he is one of the most vocally gifted artists not only to come out of One Direction, but to come out of the last decade at all.
Only the Brave
It’s a church of burnt romances and I’m too far gone to pray.
The lyrics to this song are borderline poetry. Each and every word draws you in and leaves you speechless. It’s a short song, ending at one minute and forty-four seconds, and that works well. It leaves us wanting more, even when we’ve reached the very end of the whole experience. The tune feels like a mantra; something to sing to yourself as you prepare for something you’re nervous about or to congratulate yourself on completing a task you never thought you could accomplish. There’s no proper structure and his voice has a retro filter over top, giving the whole thing a bit of a wartime vibe. The most powerful moment is undoubtedly when he sings, “It’s a solo song, and it’s only for the brave,” as a way of patting himself on the back for where he is now in life and in his career. It’s the perfect way to bring home the album. After 12 tracks demonstrating it, it is proven to us that he doesn’t need his ex-bandmates, he doesn’t need a big production, he doesn’t need Simon Cowell, he doesn’t need other songwriters dictating what direction to go, because he is Louis Tomlinson and he is brave.
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—𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬—
◦ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑑𝑢𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 ◦ 𝑠𝑜𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑚𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑎 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝𝑠! ◦ 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑠! ◦ 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑒! ◦ 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑠!! (𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑜𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠!)
𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑠' 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒: blacklist “ameris 500 celebration!” if you don’t want to see any of my posts about this celebration! also if this flops i will cry. jk i won’t but it’ll definitely take a hit on my heart u__u (and if it does flop, you didn’t see this post)
—𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍—
Ahhhh! I’m so amazed that I got to 500 followers despite the fact that I barely?? Post?? And sometimes I just talk about random shit but even then, I still appreciate all of you guys so much? I have a few options on what I have to celebrate and I am so excited heheh. But before I get started I just,,, Have a few more things I’d like to talk about (cus I like to talk LOL). Feel free to skip though!!
content continued below the cut!! (warning; introduction is long because I just have a lot of thoughts I want to share LOL. seriously, feel free to just skip)
I know that I only really started posting Haikyuu!! around my 300 mark, and I feel like the people after my 300 mark are the one’s who are active because of how much I come onto tumblr and then disappear.
If you don’t know this, I’ve actually been writing on Tumblr since 2015/2016. I’ve just changed blogs so many times that it’s like, hey, this is my new blog. Or like, I would write for a few months, disappear, come back but then everyone who followed me was dead so I was like eh I’ll just start again or whatever. And I think this makes me very very soft because out of all the communities I’ve been in, I’ve truly felt more welcome/at home even?? With everyone in Haikyuu? Like yeah there’s shit that goes down every few days or whatever but it’s always so fun to see people interact with each other and though I was hesitant at first (because before this the only writer I’ve ever interacted with was Scout for marvel oop) I’m really glad I reached out to a few of y’all and vice versa.
But despite that, Marvel will always hold a place in my heart and to everyone who followed me from my Marvel days, thank you for supporting me way back when. And even to my Narnia days (AHAHAHA). I don’t think I would’ve continued writing on tumblr without your guys’ support. I know that younger me appreciated you all for reading those old works (even if I hate my old writing now).
And to everyone now, thank you for sending in asks or commenting on my works. I actually think I would’ve disappeared by this time from this blog if you guys didn’t interact. I’m not saying I’m writing for the follows or the notes, if that makes sense. But it’s more like, I feel less of a robot that people expect to churn out works. Idk, it makes me feel like a person? And it just gives me a lot more serotnin than you might think!!
One last thing though, it’s not me saying I expect you guys to always read my work and always comment. It’s more so, I’d actually rather have you guys comment or whatever because you want to and you want to read it. Like on one hand yes it does make me feel appreciated but I also don’t want you to feel obligated or feel guilty of you don’t read my things. No matter what, I will always be writing. It definitely does feel nice tho LOL
I promise in the future, if I ever do intros they won’t be this long lol.
Phew. Anyway.
For this celebration, this is only for Haikyuu!!
—𝐒𝐎𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐀 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐒—
I love love love self ships SO much. So I want to hear about your guys’ self ships!
𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬
this will only be open from 12am september 23 — 11:59pm september 25 PST
any requests received before or after will be deleted (may be extended depending on how many requests I get!)
do keep in mind that i’m starting classes soon so it will take me some time to get through this.
send it in through asks or submissions!
send in as many asks as you’d like
if you use an emoji to show who you are, include it on all asks :3c
nothing nsfw for this, thanks!
since this is a follower celebration,,, i do have to ask that you be following me! honestly, i won’t check if you are, thats too much work on my part but it would mean a lot if you’re following me to participate in this celebration! );
𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐨 [example]
i will be creating two instagram posts with one of them having a comment section (3-4 screenshots)
i might also include a screenshot of your profile and/or your s/o if I can put in more pictures!
chats with your s/o ( heheh (; ) (1-2 screenshots)
chats with your s/o’s team! (1-2 screenshots) (this will possibly be with the entire team or just a select few)
take a look at the example as that’s what i’ve done for a friend of mine!!
𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐨
send in 1-2 headcanons about you and your s/o
send in a little bit about your personality!!
your pronouns! and a name you’d like to go by!
give me your instagram handle! (not your real one, but what it would be within haikyuu) otherwise, i’ll make a random one based off your name!
what are your ~aesthetics~
what phone nickname would u have for your s/o (or any other people on the team) so it can be more personalized! or if ur like me where everyone is just their name besides a select few
do u have particular texting habits?
what’s your favorite animal? this is what I will be putting as your profile picture! alternatively if you submit all of this through my submissions and give me a piccrew, I will use that!
you could give me the most BASIC description, you don’t need to do all of these points, and i’d be fine with that. It’s up to you how much you want this to be personalized <3
(also this one’s not necessary, it’ll just be more ~fun~ but lmk if u wanna be a manager of the team! or if u have ur own little AU so u might have other certain details u want to throw in. otherwise i’m gonna make it a sorta free for all lol)
𝑒𝑥𝑎𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑒: hi! my name’s ameris and i ship myself with suga! my pronouns are she/her/hers and i like to think that suga and i have a sort of childhood friends to lovers trope. i also like to think that we go stargazing at least once a month no matter what! my aesthetic is definitely space heh. i’m a little bit like suga where i’m chaos and baby! i curse a lot and i have way too many interests to count but i always like trying new things! my instagram handle would be ameris_stars (dude idk lMAO) and suga’s name in my phone would be Koushi <3 i make a lot of typos and i like using a mix of emojis and emoticons/occasional kaomojis. my favorite animal is a fox or dog!
this,,, is a lot but i’m okay with that! heheh
to protect you, I won’t publish your ask! I will make separate posts titled w/ your name + s/o + emoji (if you use your emoji). If you do it off anon, I will tag you!
Request List!! If you don’t see your name on here, just submit it again :3c I will not be tagging for the sake of not spamming you guys lol.
—𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔—
I would love love love to get to know you! So tell me about yourself!
what’s your favorite color?
who’re your favorite haikyuu characters?
favorite haikyuu teams?
you got any writers you want to give a shout out to?
maybe a little self promo too?
adsfasdfasdflj i will keep bringing this up but like any,,, spice asks,,, about the haikyuu characters cus like,,, lol
horn knee asks will be tagged with: “ameris needs a drink” which honestly sounds like i need an alcoholic drink and at this point, yeah
please be 18+ if you do send in any spicey asks!!
This can go on for as long as y’all want really, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’ll just answer these like normal and spread them out too lol
—𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐌𝐄—
I have a few ask games I’ve reblogged before, so I have a few linked for you LOL
intrusive asks 👁👄👁
~space~ asks! (this has a lot more!)
zodiac asks (just about my writing!)
writer’s asks
a little game I got from my friend which I think is absolutely so much fun
this is a version of fuck-marry-kill, but send in THREE characters (this one can be from any mix of my interests!) and I’ll choose which one I’d rather have a fanfic trope with:
“enemies-to-lovers”
“childhood friends-to-lovers”
and “fake dating”
would definitely prefer haikyuu characters
but doing a mix and match from all my interests is a lotta fun
things i used to or am currently into: haikyuu, marvel, bnha, demon slayer, rwby, sailor moon, voltron, dc, overwatch, tales of vesperia, legend of zelda, bungo stray dogs, narnia (lmao), one piece, uhm, i’ll add more if i can think of more, tbh u can even just say random characters and i’ll just google them
As always though, feel free to ask me any other questions!!
this will also go on for as long as whenever, i’ll probably spread out this one!
—𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊𝐒—
AH. It was lookin a little long so here’s the link to the post :3c (will edit post later!!! when I come back from my exam!!!)
to those who got to the end, omg i’m sorry. i talk so much. but thank you for your support and just getting through this block of words hakdfhkasf
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Advice for getting started & making friends 💕
Since Tumblr ruined the original answer post to the ask: Hi!!! Thank you. I’ll go a little more in-depth with the answer and I hope you don’t mind.
1. Always know that no matter how good or bad you think your writing is: There are Wattpad books that were made into movies, so there will always be someone that will like what you write.
2. Tagging. Is. Important. Even though Tumblr is incredibly bad with its tagging system it’s always good to use tags so people following them can see your work. Try not to tag stuff wrong though. Did that a few times without noticing it and people were not happy about it. Understandably so.
3. Also always have warnings on your works and if there is something trigger warning worthy put it in the tags of the post with “xyz tw” and/or “tw xyz”. Also put age warnings in case you write 18+ content.
4. Utilize the option to block tags in case you wanna follow someone but you don’t wanna see certain fandoms/celebs. That also works for trigger warning tags.
5. Don’t feel bad about low reblog numbers. I have this amount of followers now and most of my works get 3-8 reblogs.
6. Don’t be afraid to tag some friendly bigger blogs in your first works. They might love what you do a lot. I, personally, am always up to be tagged in stuff.
7. Join writing challenges. Usually 50% of the bigger blogs have some kind of writing challenge going on. Those are great to get exposure and find other works to interact with. My current one is HERE.
8. When it comes to making friends it really depends. I think interacting frequently is a good start, but I found actual Tumblr DM’s to be the most helpful. Write your favorite writers that you liked a particular piece of their work or if you know you both have another shared interest, you can send them a Tumblr post about that. Example: I send baking enthusiasts cool looking food posts. But sometimes even DM’s don’t lead anywhere. Some people on here just don’t really want to make friends.
9. Interact with people’s personal posts. You’ll learn a bit about them from those. For example: I know that @buckyland has a cute cat and prefers greenery in pots and not vases (lmao).
10. Self-promo: I made a Discord server for MCU writers and it’s still going steady. Link for that is in my bio. We’re always excited for new people on there.
11. Asks are a great way to support writers beyond reblogging. Ask games are a great way to interact. Sending Requests is also appreciated by most people having open requests.
12. Decide if you want your own asks to include anons or not. But be prepared that if you enable anon asks, that you might get some dumbass spewing bullshit in there every few weeks (at least if you interact a lot w others). Vividly remember my first hate for interacting with my favorite writer.
13. Depending on how much you write you can plan your fics ahead. I, for example, publish most of my chapter based works once a week and only start publishing once they are at least 75% written. Others have ongoing works but I feel like the consensus on it is mostly “wait until you have a good idea of the ending or a rough outline.” @captain-kelli for example, writes her 'Call Sign: Renaissance’ series as an ongoing work but knows where it’s going and plots it out accordingly.
14. Know where to get inspiration. I personally have just trained myself to create everyday. Fiction, non-fiction, art, graphics, etc. It’s a good habit to have, but if you don’t have it you might wanna start an inspiration list or a side blog where you spam all your inspirations. Pinterest also is a good place for that.
15. Research how to link something in the mobile bio to put your masterlist there. There is this wonderful error Tumblr has, where you can’t change your profile on mobile or those links will vanish, so be aware of that. Just save that HTML code in a document lol.
16. Speaking of documents. I suggest writing your works in Google Documents, since it has a document history to refer to in the awful case of someone stealing your work. Preventative measure.
17. If you want a specific theme for your blog on desktop, you can DM me, I have tons of resources saved on another blog of mine.
18. For a nice mobile theme, you can visit @whimsicalrogers, search for headers and icons on Tumblr or request them from talented people per ask or DM. *cough* I make some too. *cough*
19. Oh, I also almost forgot this, but ALWAYS put a “Read More” break after more than 500 words in your posts. On desktop it mostly works in the normal editor, but there are also HTML codes in case it doesn’t work or you are on mobile. Basically, learn a few HTML basics for Tumblr in general, they always come in handy when this hellsite decides not to work.
Bottomline: Don’t be afraid to interact with your nickname being there front and center. Let yourself get seen. If your fandom blog is a side blog you can link them to each other in the bio like I did.
PS: The main reason why I got so many followers very quickly was for writing 31 smut pieces early on and tagging them well. Please know that follower count doesn’t mean much on here as long as the algorithm is trashy. Stick with interacting with people you wanna befriend and don’t let yourself get down too much over little reblogging.
But, of course, always try to find and reblog new people. That keeps the community alive and also spreads your name a bit, as well as the names of others.
If you need more advice or have any questions feel free to DM me or another blogger you trust.
To all my fellow bloggers: Feel free to leave more tips under this post. I’m sure I forgot at least one thing lol-
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