#&. ‛ i bear it so they don’t have to.︐ › clarke griffin.

[vechter]

9 people you'd like to get to know better

thank you @mysteriousbeetle for the tag!! <3

three non romantic duos: dick grayson & donna troy (no surprise here i love my wonder twins <3); bellamy blake & clarke griffin (it's about being co-leaders to a group of delinquents on a planet that's trying to kill you); ronan lynch and richard gansey (not romantic not platonic but a secret third much more deranged dynamic of devotion) i thought I'd only do one from dcu because i rlly didn't want to choose top 3... top 1 is easier

a ship that might surprise others: i don’t think i have a dcu ship that’s very surprising but i rlly do enjoy dick/midnighter when it’s well-written. a non dcu one that’s actually more niche would probably be elena/katherine from tvd oops

last song: redrum by 21 savage

last film: just rewatched ocean's 11 with my friends for a drunk movie night

currently reading: rebecca by daphne du maurier & huntress v1 (i made a dumb decision and read v2 first)

currently watching: marvel's the punisher solely and solely for jon bernthal because he got me hooked with his raw magnetism despite having maybe like 20 minutes of screentime on the bear

currently consuming: figs & almonds

currently craving: is this for food or like... life? bc if it's food, i just saw amaury guichon's video of mushroom s'mores in a basket so i'm obsessively thinking about that. otherwise, a beach trip with my besties with lots of sun n salt n sand <3

tagging (no pressure ofc): @ambrozians @delphissoracle @drivestraight @malinaa @oldgrowthcedar @1vyyxo <3

[pendragaryen]

The 100 rewatch 2023 S1 E3

Episode “Earth Kills”  

A word in advance: I always loved and appreciated the way they were playing around with the episode titles back then. Sadly it completely got lost in the translation into german. There the 2nd and 3rd (”Earth Skills” and “Earth Kills”) episodes titles are: “Wir sind nicht allein” which basically means “We’re not alone” and “Wozu man Freunde hat” which can be translated to “What friends are for”... See? The initial meaning got totally lost here. It’s frustrating. Therefore i’m only watching in english language. (The german voice actors aren’t the best either... so... it wasn’t a hard choice for me in the first place...) This just as a little info before i begin. ;) Now here i go, my Earth Kills-live rewatch is about to start!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Previously on The 1OO...” Oh Bob’s voice! NICEEE!

Awww... Flashback to happier days on the ark. The Wells- and Griffin-families are watching an old football match together. Also: MEET PAPA-GRIFFIN! Maybe it’s bc i’m getting older but... he’s quite the DILF isn’t he?! Haha... sorry... hormones..

Earth, now: Jasper is in so much pain. He’s screaming... Meanwhile little Charlotte is screaming too. She’s got nightmares. But there’s MOMMA BEAR CLARKE immediately tending to her. “Maybe being on the ground is our 2nd chance” Clarke’s trying not just to cheer up Charlotte but also herself...

Two kids of the 100 out alone in the woods for a little rendezvous. Oh! There’s the acid fog already! I forgot it came so early in the series. Poor kiddos... They just wanted to have some fun...

Asdfghjkl BELLAMY! Bellamy and his hatchet. Training and aiming at a tree. Hit me baby one more time... seriously... Bellamy and Murphy are unnerved by Jasper’s screams echoing through the camp. Atom thinks the screams are frightening the kids. Oh look! Murphy isn’t half as good as Bellamy aiming at that tree... lol nice try... Bell and the others want to go hunting.

Meanwhile in the dropship: Clarke’s worried. She tries to fix Jasper’s wound but it’s really a task of its own. Wells and Finn are helping.

O and Atom. She wants to sneak out of camp with him - but he doesn’t even reply. Oh... she has a certain suspicion now... She’s FUMING when she enters Bellamy’s tent, he’s preparing himself for the hunt. “You can’t keep everyone away from me!” He must’ve threatened Atom. She’s so done with this brotherly overprotectiveness..

Jasper’s screams cutting through their dispute and they’re both off to the dropship. There, Bell’s pessimistic: “That kid’s (Jasper) is a goner.” Clarke’s IMMEDIATELY in his face tho “DOWN HERE EVERY LIFE MATTERS!” - Bell wants to kill Jasper when he’s not getting any better within the day. “You don’t have the guts to make the hard choices. I do.”

Everyone is pissed or shook by his words, especially Monty “What a selfserving jackass!” but FINN (of all people...) defends Bell in a way “He also happens to be right...” Yeah well..

Flashback again. Abby and Jake are talking about the ark’s system failure he discovered. The ark is going to get out of oxygene in a forseeable future - which basically means certain death for the ark’s citizens. He wants to make it public but Abby’s desperately trying to hold him back.

On earth, now, Clarke’s found some herbs that could help with Jasper‘s wound. She, Wells and Finn go off into the woods to fetch some more. Oh look! They find an old car which basically stucks hidden in the ground.

Charlotte secretly followed Bellamy and the others on their hunting trip. OUPS! Bell almost hit her with his hatchet!!! Kiddo’s tough tho. She wants to stay, although the forest might be too dangerous for a little child. She even wants to hunt herself.

Meanwhile Clarke’s found some of the herbs in a river. But suddenly there are harsh noises: A swarm of birds coming towards the group! Then there’s kind of an alarm to hear, a siren. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?! But they don’T have time to think about it bc a toxic looking storm cloud is rushing towards them!!! Like the birds before, they’re fleeing now too.

Flashback/The ark: Aw, baby Clarke and Wells playing chess together. Just besties having a good time. But Clarke’s worried. She’s telling him about the discovery her father made about the ark... and that he wants to go public with it! Wells reassures her “Your secret is save with me.” Mh...

On earth, now: The acid fog is everywhere now. Bell and Charlotte hurry to seek shelter in a cave together. In the dropship Octavia is worried “My brother is out there!”

Clarke, Finn and Wells find shelter in that old hidden car in the ground. Oh nice, there’s also an old bottle of whiskey. Finn immediately takes a sip. They have to sit out the storm anyway so they could as well have a drink.

It’s night now. In the cave Charlotte wakes up screaming again from a nightmare. But there’s DAD BELLAMY, reassuring her with his deep, hoarse voice. (Woah i mean it! It’s SO DEEP! I’m shivering... ) He’s probably used to similar situations with his sister back on the ark. “Slay your demons while you’re awake.” Oh-oh--

“Down here weakness is death, fear is death...” Well Bellamy... That’s some approach to soothe a kid after having a nightmare... But then he adviced her to hold on tight to her knife and face her fears: “ Screw you, i am not afraid!” The initial thought is nice. Seriously.......

Meanwhile in that hidden car: We learn, why Clarke’s hating Wells so damn much. “Remember the time when you betrayed me and got my father executed?” OUCH... That hits. She’s also drunken now. Wells defends himself “I made a mistake”. Kind of a weak excuse... Is he hiding something? Maybe?

Oh god... every word from Clarke hits now “If you were be my friend you would walk out into this fog and never come back...” Jesus... she’s so hurt and pissed. 

In the dropship Murphy’s got enough, he wants to put an end to Jasper’s screams - and his life. Once and for all. But he’s been shut out from the higher deck by Octavia and co. Thank goodness..

Another flashback/The ark: Jake’s recording his message for the people of the ark and Clarke comes in witnessing it. They have an argument. Clarke’s so worried for his savety. But BOOM there are the guards already storming in, arresting Jake for treason... HOW COULD THEY KNOW?! It sinks in... Wells... right? shit... Clarke is screaming!

Earth, now: The acid fog is gone. Clarke and the others on their way back to camp. Finn confronts Wells about his betrayal on Clarke. Another weak reply: “I made a choice. And if she hates me for the rest of her life...” Ouch...

Bell and Charlotte are searching for the others of the hunting group in the forest. They meet. But where’s Atom?

Finn wants to play the referee between Clarke and Wells now. “How sure are you that Wells’s the one who turned in your dad?” He noticed that Wells might hide something... Clarke snaps back, she’s sure, she seemingly doesn’t WANT to forgive him - but you can see his words are gnawing on her. - Suddenly we hear Charlotte’s screams!

Charlotte has found Atom. He’s lying on the ground, gravely wounded and bleeding, visibly in heavy pain. Is that what the acid fog does to people?! Omg! Bell’s kneeling at his side, but he seems so overwhelmed by the situation. It’s clear to him: Atom won’t make it. It would be merciful to help him die... Atom even begs for it... Oh god... it hurts so much to see that guy suffer... But Bell’s just sitting there, the knife already in his hand, paralyzed and shook to the core...

And then Clarke appears behind him. He senses here before he sees her. She kneels down on Atom’s other side. She also notices very quickly that there’s no hope for Atom to survive this. Clarke flashes Bell a desperate look. There is no other way. OH GOD. I can’t even look at what comes next... but yes... i do it anyway...

Clarke takes the knife from Bellamy’s hand... and while humming a little lullaby to soothe him she plunged the blade into Atom’s neck, puts him out of his misery... And Charlotte’s witnessing it all... Oh-oh.--

Bell’s clearly and utterly impressed by Clarke’s doing. He’s almost in awe, can’t take his eyes off her. NOW WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE GUTS TO MAKE THE HARD CHOICES, HUH?! Bell’s seeing the princess with different eyes now. He’s got a lot of respect for her now. Nice for a change.

Back in camp Octavia’s mourning Atom’s death. She doesn’t want Bell to comfort her or any explanation and storms off crying. Bell IMMEDIATELY takes all his frustration about his inability to help Atom and the reaction of O onto Murphy, who’s just insulted Octavia. Suddenly there’s a lot of aggressive tension. But Murphy gives in. Good for him.

Flashback to the ark again: Jake’s about to be getting floated. Abby is desperate. Wells and his father are there too, of course. They can’t even look at the Griffins. Jake says goodbye to Abby, gives her his wedding ring. Oh gosh and suddenly Clarke’s there too, rushing into her father’s arms. She’s crying hard. Jake’s giving her his watch she’s later wearing in memory of him. Clarke doesn’t want to let go of him.

Just before he gets floated Jake only has eyes for the two women he loves, especially for Clarke. Then he gets sucked out into the vacuum. Very sudden, very fast.

Clarke’s breakdown in her mother’s arms is heartbreaking and hard to watch... Jesus i have to blink back tears, even though it might be already the 10th time i’m seeing this. This is so sad, gods...

Back in camp, today: Clarke’s tending on Jasper with the weeds she brought. He’s finally fallen asleep. - Out there Wells is digging graves yet again. Clarke appears, asking him right away: “It was my mom, wasn’t it?” She thought about it. What Finn was saying was probably just the last push she needed to come around. Maybe she didn’t want to see the truth until now. It’s too painful. Her own mother turned her father in... WHY?!

And Wells... Omg, good boy Wells took ALL THE BLAME on himself, just so that Clarke wouldn’t have to hate her own mom... Imma cry... What a selfless friend! Jesus, what you do when you’re in love... I’m speechless...

Oh, look! Jasper’s awake again! And he already wants a shot of moonshine... great... That’s not how you’re getting better, moron!

And then in the end... i feared it...

Charlotte and Wells... I see the bad moon rising. Seriously... Out of the blue inmidst an innocent talk... she’s STABBING HIM DOWN!!! She hit him with her knife! At the same spot, where Clarke had plunged her own knife into Atoms neck!!! Wells father killed her parents. His father’s face is what’s haunting her in her nightmares every night. “Slay your demons...” OH MY GOD... SHE TOOK THAT LITERALLY! Bell’s still got a lot to learn about parenting it seems... JESUS NO! NOT WELLS! Even after all this time i’m still cursing at my screen! WTF CHILD!  - Well... What a LOST child... Completely broken. That’s not even fair on all fronts... It’s so controversial.

Bellamy had all the good intentions - and it lead to so much pain. That’s hard. But he couldn’t have forseen this! How could he? IT IS NOT HIS FAULT! But that doesn’t make things any better. It just HURTS to see Wells die in such a bad and unnecessary way! Right after he had been forgiven by his Clarke... I CANNOT... I admit it... I shed a tear. I’ll probably always do it at this point. Wells Jaha deserved better. And we all know it. Woah that’s quite a show we’re watching here. And it certainly makes you pensive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tough stuff. But from now on... almost every episode is tbh. That’s the route we’re taking here. Serious shit’s happening - and is coming towards us. We know this now, at latest after finishing this episode. The mere THOUGHT that a kid should be capable of such a cruel act is almost unbearable. It‘s so hard to watch and it overpowers almost everything else that happened this episode. Jake’s death was very sad to see. But i understand why he had to try to warn the people, who are otherwise completely oblivious to what’s really going on with the ark’s survival systems. Also incisive: The mercy-killing of Atom... All these moments hit like a ton of bricks and make us, the audience, realize, what kind of show we‘re watching here. It’s dark and very disturbing but SO INTRIGUING and interesting you just want to watch further.

What i liked: Bellamy learns to respect Clarke, he even admires her for her courage.  Wells and Clarke’s reconciliation.

What i disliked: Isn’t that obvious? Charlotte killing Wells. Jake’s death. Clarke and Wells fighting (with words). It’s not nice to see Atom die either...

Fave quote(s): “Maybe being on the ground is our second chance”

Song(s) i associate with the episode: “It’s the fear” by Within Temptation (”It's the fear, fear of the dark. It's growing inside of me, that one day will come to life. - Long ago it came to me and ever since that day, infected with its rage, but it ends today. ”)

[wanripa]

CLARKE  GRIFFIN  THROUGH  THE  SEASONS

[bellamysgriffin]

CLARKE GRIFFIN WEEK 2021 ⇢ DAY 3: Favorite Trait -- Self-Sacrificing

I bear it, so they don’t have to.

[ofruins]

clarke  griffin  visuals     (   4   /   -   )

[fuckyeahbellarke]

I would have died (I would have loved you all my life)

Bellarke | Complete | 1.5K | Canon Compliant | Canon AU | Character Death | Happy-ish Ending For #TheBestOfBellarke prompts: dreams, memories, smile, & Princess.

Link: [AO3] By: simply_aly / @fuckyeahbellarke 

Many years go by, and when Clarke is alone, she reflects on how things could have gone at various points in her youth.                                                 

Many years pass, and Clarke Griffin mourns each of her friends’ passing with a deep sorrow she cannot seem to articulate with the others. She feels a sense of burden for how everything has played out, and it weighs heavily on her shoulders, even after all of this time. Even heavier than it used to, before they left Earth the first time so long ago.

There is a bitter irony in her being the last surviving human on Earth for the final time, she thinks one night. She closes her eyes to sleep as she listens to the sound of the waves crashing on the shore, and she dreams of lost futures of times long past.

Stolen memories and dreams that never came to fruition.

-x-

There is a sense of calmness that courses through Clarke’s body as she leans back against the large tree’s rough bark. She closes her eyes and breathes in deeply. For the first time in longer than she can remember, she almost feels at peace.

Bellamy’s steady presence next to her keeps her grounded in the moment, and she feels herself relax by his side. She shifts ever so slightly and rests her head against his shoulder, and after some time, his head tilts down and rests on top of hers.

They remain in companionable silence for so long the sun begins to rise.

More times than she can count, she resists the urge to just ask him to leave with her. Run away and leave it all behind. Each time, she remembers how much the others need them both, and she cannot find it in her to be that selfish.

But she wants to be.

-x-

Clarke wanted to walk away after what she did in Mt. Weather, but seeing her people suffering, and having Bellamy by her side makes her hesitate just long enough to think about it.

I bear it so they don’t have to.

She thinks about what Dante told her that night, and she wants to believe it, but she can see in the eyes of her people—Jasper, and Bellamy, and Monty most especially—that they also bear the burden already. Leaving wouldn’t change that. So she stays, and she tries to heal with all of them.

“Do you think we deserve happiness after what we did?” she whispers brokenly one night as she lays beside Bellamy. She spends most nights in his room, because being alone brings back the memories more acutely. At least beside him, she feels stronger when she faces them.

He has an arm around her waist and his chin rests on top of her head. She feels comfort in the feel of his breathing moving the hair on top of her head and his chest pushing against her back.

“I have to believe it’s possible,” he says softly, and she loves the rumble of his chest as he speaks. “I have to believe that we are better than the worst decisions we make.”

-x-

Roan had walked out of the long abandoned subway station some time ago, leaving Clarke tied to one of the pillars. She tried to escape for awhile, but fount she couldn’t, so she had chosen to stay still. Conserve her strength to fight him off later.

She heard the rustle of leaves and the crackle of feet against rocks, and found herself tensing, readying herself for what would come next, but instead of Roan standing in front of her, Clarke tilts her head up and finds Bellamy crouched down next to her.

“Bellamy,” she murmurs through the gag.

“I’ll get you out of here,” he says and he pulls down the gag. “I’ll take you home.”

“Hurry,” she says now that she can talk. She doesn’t know how long they have until Roan comes back. He makes quick work of her binds and helps her stand, and the two of them exit the underground station, keeping low to the ground and out of sight as they make their way back toward Monty, Kane, and Pike.

Clarke is hesitant to go back, but she does miss them—miss Bellamy—and it seems that it is time. With Bellamy by her side, she thinks she can finally begin to face down her demons.

-x-

They wait until the last possible second, and Clarke races back to Becca’s lab as quick as she can, and she makes it just in time. Bellamy’s relieved sigh as he runs to her and helps get her into the small ship centers her. She can barely breathe and can hardly focus as Bellamy helps her sit and buckles her in beside Harper.

“I almost didn’t make it,” she finds herself saying to Bellamy as they wait for Raven to get the doors to the Ark open.

“I’m glad you did,” Bellamy says back, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. She gives him a tremulous smile as they wait with anticipation, the air in their tanks dwindling.

She listens to Murphy and Emori comparing how much air they each have. “At least I won’t have to watch you die,” he says about having less air.

Clarke wonders how much air Bellamy has. Is it less than her thirteen percent? Could she watch him die?

-x-

Monty and Harper wake Clarke and Bellamy first. They have a young child with them, he looks to be about seven years old, if Clarke was to guess. Bellamy and Clarke give their friends—who are now a full decade older than they were when they last saw them—long hugs that result in happy tears, and they introduce their son, Jordan, who seems in awe of them. Clarke’s heart twinges at the mention of their lost friend, but she thinks the name fits the young boy well, she can see the playful mischievousness in him already.

“Do we get to go back home?” Bellamy asks hopefully as they move their reunion to the bridge after some time.

“We’ve been tracking the progress of things from up here as best we can, and it took nearly four years before we saw any green at all. Once it started, though, it really took off,” Monty says with a wide grin, causing hope to bloom in Clarke’s chest.

Harper allows young Jordan to be the one to push the button that opens the windows of the ship, and Bellamy and Clarke stand next to each other, holding each other close as they look out to Earth, green and thriving below them.

“We can go home,” Clarke whispers, tears in her eyes.

-x-

Her heart pounds loudly in her chest, and the beeping on the monitor runs wild. Clarke launches herself into Bellamy’s embrace. Relief like she has never known passes through her whole body as his strong arms hold tight around her. She has never been more thankful to be alive—to be real—than in this moment.

“The head and the heart,” she whispers against his neck, and she feels him nod in response. She breathes deeply as she trembles, and she finds comfort in the fact that somehow, despite more than one hundred years and multiple planets, he still somehow smells like home to her.

Clarke does not know how to let him go, to detangle herself from him. She does not know how to articulate to him that his voice—his heart—brought her back to life.

She does not know how to tell him that he holds her heart.

-x-

Echo goes with Octavia and Gabriel to check on the anomaly, but Bellamy had decided to stay back with Clarke and the rest of them to help with the transition of the Sanctum citizens after everything that happened. Clarke is privately thankful to have his help, because his natural authority seems to go a long way in keeping order and restoring peace.

There is something so right about sitting next to him on a blanket outside of a beautiful house with their friends as they all decompress. They all try to keep the mood light, and for the most part, they succeed, but it’s difficult.

Clarke catches Bellamy’s eyes drift in the direction of Gabriel’s camp. She grabs hold of his hand and squeezes, offering him a smile.

“I know it hasn’t been that long,” he says, his voice gravely and hoarse from the night of fighting. “I just feel like something isn’t right.”

“If they’re not back by tomorrow, we’ll go after them,” Clarke assures him. “Together.”

-x-

She wakes in the night and knows something is wrong. It’s her time. There is no one to inform, or ask for help. She’s been alone for longer now than she had been with Madi in Shallow Valley many years before. She isn’t sad to be leaving this place she and her small group of friends finally made their home.

She is ready to move on. To be with him again.

As Clarke takes her last few breaths, she finds herself hoping that wherever human souls go, Bellamy’s soul is there to greet her when she arrives.

She closes her eyes one last time, a smile on her face.

”It’s about damn time, Princess,” she swears she hears him calling to her in the distance as her soul leaves her body.

[tim-lucy]

my top 25 female tv characters:  #4. clarke griffin (the 100) “I bear it, so they don’t have to.”

[sylvies-chen]

You know, the conversation between Jay and Voight in last night’s episode was so loaded and packed with all this amazing stuff to analyze but one thing in particular sticks out to me. It’s the “We always pay the cost for you” line. There’s a quote from The 100 that I’m reminded of when I think about that. And The 100 did a lot of things wrong with the show but one of the things they did write was having their female lead and fearless leader Clarke Griffin repeat one line: “I bear it so they don’t have to.” To me, that’s a beautiful line to represent the purpose of a leader— or at least ONE of the purposes. This relates to Chicago PD in a really interesting way though, because I think Voight’s been operating on his “tell me the truth so I can lie for you” philosophy because he genuinely believes it’ll protect the people in Chicago AND the people in his unit. But Jay telling Voight flat out, to his face, that his actions are good for the city yet HURT the unit (and have been hurting the unit for a while now) was a real wake-up call. Not only that, but we see Jay leave Hailey out of the loop to protect her and not burden her with the weight of North’s ultimatum. We see him handling it his own way because who else will? As much as he thinks Voight is good for the city, he knows Voight’s ways are what got them into this spot so therefore they aren’t able to get them out of it. Then, at the end, we see Jay promising to Voight that things between them are going to be different, and that he’s going to be saving Voight from himself. That’s a big job considering how much Voight has been unable to escape himself up until now. But yet again, Jay is taking on a responsibility for the good of Intelligence. He keeps the secret, handles North, takes the burden of it off of Hailey, takes the burden of Voight’s habits off of Voight himself.

He bears it so they don’t have to. And in that sense, I think it’s really fascinating to see Jay Halstead rising into the role of unofficial leader.

[summersun4youforever]

✨ Tag 9 people to learn more about their interests!

tagged by my fav @loulovehome thank you pu hope that this quells your curiosity! 

MUSIC

fav genre? not to be that person but i think i have a toe in most genres, i suppose my favorites have got to be anything taylor swift does, pop punk, r&b pop/new age r&b, and bluegrass

fav artist? again, not to be that person but i love so many artists! let’s do this based off of genre: taylor swift, 1D, 5sos, massive focus on ZAYN, the Avett brothers, and counting crows

fav song? fav song of all time (since i was young) is going to be come around by rhett miller but more currently i’d say you are in love by taylor swift and dRuNk by ZAYN

song currently stuck in your head? i have no idea how it got there but i have stressed out by 21 pilots stuck in my head??

5 fav lyrics? ok let’s do this kids. edit: this went in a “fav love song lyrics” way so sorry in advance.

1)  I hope that I don't sound to insane when I say / There is darkness all around us / I don't feel weak but I do need sometimes for her to protect me / And reconnect me to the beauty that I'm missin' (January Wedding - The Avett Brothers)

2)  Hands around my waist / You're counting up the hills across the sheets / And I'm a falling star / A glimmer lighting up these cotton streets / I admit I'm a bit of a fool for playing by the rules / But I've found my sweet escape when I'm alone with you (Disconnected - 5sos)

3)  This is the worthwhile fight / Love is a ruthless game / Unless you play it good and right / These are the hands of fate / You're my Achilles heel / This is the golden age of something good / And right and real (State of Grace - Taylor Swift) 

4)  What if I changed my mind / What if I said it's over / I been flying so long / Can't remember what it was like to be sober / What if I lost my lives? / What if I said "Game over"? / What if I forget my lies? / And I lose all my composure (Back to Life - ZAYN)

5)   I never said I was perfect / Or you don't deserve a good person to carry your baggage / I know a few girls that can handle it / I ain't that kind of chick, but I can call 'em for you if you want / I never said that you wasn't attractive / Your style and that beard, ooh, don't get me distracted / I'm tryna be patient, and patience takes practice / The fact is I'm leaving, so just let me have this (Jerome - Lizzo)

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

fav book genre? murder mystery and young love!

fav writer? jane austen, lisa jewell, and rick riordan (nostalgia ok?!)

fav book? the way i used to be my amber smith, rebecca by daphane du maurier, and then she was gone OR watching you (both by Lisa Jewell)

fav book series? i guess the whole percy jackson situations? i have everything RR every wrote, and i liked it all but i havent touched the older ones in ages

comfort book? not one specifically but the nancy drew books

perfect book to read on a rainy day? bird summons by leila aboulela

5 quotes from your fav book that you know by heart? i hope i can name five...

1)  “The point is, life has to be endured, and lived. But how to live it is the problem.” “I am no traveller, you are my world.” (both are My Cousin Rachel by Daphne Du Maurier)

2)  “And I’m terrified he’ll see through the tough iceberg layer, and he’ll discover not a soft, sweet girl, but an ugly fucking disaster underneath.” (The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith)

3)  "I cannot make speeches, Emma," he soon resumed; and in a tone of such sincere, decided, intelligible tenderness as was tolerably convincing. "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it. Bear with the truths I would tell you now, dearest Emma, as well as you have borne with them. The manner, perhaps, may have as little to recommend them. God knows, I have been a very indifferent lover. But you understand me. Yes, you see, you understand my feelings and will return them if you can. At present, I ask only to hear, once to hear your voice.” (Emma by Jane Austen) (sorry for the length, the shortened versions were not cutting it for me)

4)  “Read, read, read. That's all I can say.” (The Secret of the Old Clock by Carolyn Keene)

5)  “...amazing how boring you can get away with being when you’re pretty. No one seems to notice. When you’re pretty everyone just assumes you must have a great life. People are so short-sighted, sometimes. People are so stupid. I have a dark past and I have dark thoughts. I do dark things and I scare myself sometimes.” (Invisible Girl by Lisa Jewell)

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary (im a very judgmental reader) | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

fav tv/movie genre? i like dramedies, mockumentaries, and procedurals 

fav movie? ive got a massive list on my phone but ill pick Doob (No Bed of Roses) and 3-Iron as my favs for today

comfort movie? 2000s romcoms, im talking clueless, 13 going on 30, how to loe a guy in ten days, ten things i hate abt you, legally blonde

movie you watch every year? mamma mia and all listed in prev question

fav tv show? too many, currently im rewatching arrested development

comfort tv show? new girl

most rewatched tv show? new girl

ultimate otp? shawn and jules from psych (ultimate bc ive been watching since diapers literally)

5 fav characters? winston bishop, stiles stilinski, bellamy blake, clarke griffin, lydia martin

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

super fun even though it took me an hour lmao, I'm tagging @technosoot @hometothecanyonmoon @sassylilnoodle @sushiniall @rosegold-thorns no pressure and sorry if youve already been tagged!

edit: i somehow managed to forget what i consider to be one of the greatest opening verses ever???? so bonus lyrics:

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog / Where no one notices the contrast of white on white / And in between the moon and you / The angels get a better view / Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right (Round Here - Counting Crows)

[samcarpnter]

female awesome meme: 2/5 unfairly hated ladies ♡ clarke griffin (the 100)

I bear it so they don’t have to.

[otp-armada]

If Jason wanted to convince me that Lxa was the love of Clarke's life, he wouldn't have killed her off, effectively cutting their love story permanently, with 4.5 seasons left of the show. Their arc, starting with their introduction in 2x07 and concluding with L's death in 3x07, is 17 episodes long, accounting for 17% of the entire narrative. If I generously add 3x16 to the count, an episode in which L is already dead in the corporeal world Clarke is trying to return to, it's a whopping, grand total of 18%. An 18% congruous with Clarke's intense connection to Bellamy and vice versa, which even A.lycia confirmed as romantic. Feelings romantic enough to spur the formation of a love triangle. An 18% ignoring Clarke's ultimate choice to go back to her people when L wanted her to stay.

CL is a chapter in the story begun and wrapped up in the first half of the narrative. And that's omitting further illumination on the finer details making CL so problematic for Clarke. Do you expect me to believe it was coincidental for CL to occur at a time when Clarke was spiraling down a dark path, commencing with Finn's death? Who played a hand in forcing Clarke's own hand, with Finn, and TonDC, and Mount Weather? Whose example inspired her to ensnare herself in armor and warpaint to be strong enough to save her people? Whose behavior did she emulate in the pushing away of support from her people? Who gave her a place to continue hiding from Bellamy, her mom, and her friends? A place to be someone other than Clarke Griffin? In lieu of facing her fears like the heroine she is? The purpose of CL wasn't to provide Clarke with a magnificent, fairy tale romance gone tragically wrong. I believe Jason's intent with the relationship aimed to further damage Clarke's psyche after L's death, to solidify the belief that her love is not only deadly to its recipients but renders her too weak to do what must be done for survival.

After 3x16, CL is an often superfluous namedrop or two per season for Clarke to briefly react to before carrying on with the plot. Season 5 aside, most of these references are needless enough to be able to interpret them as attempts at reparations for the L/CL fandom's benefit -and their views- without altering the course of the story. Crazy me for thinking it's not enough to constitute an ongoing love story. Crazy me for not thinking this was on par with interactions between living characters. Crazy me for thinking it doesn't befit a love story for the protagonist.

This sliver of the story is what Jason and the CLs would have us unquestionably believe is the pervasive love story of The 100's seven seasons?

Despite his lie and the constant gaslighting from the pineapple CLs, some of us know how to decipher what a temporary love interest is. Lxa? I think you know where I'm heading with this.

I'll acknowledge my admittedly negative appraisal of CL as someone who recognizes its value to the LGBT+ community and treats it as valid while not caring for L/CL on a narrative level. I felt, when swayed by L's influence, Clarke became the antithesis of what I found admirable about her. I resented Clarke's acquiescence of her power to the commander. I wanted nothing more than to remove the wedge L had driven between Clarke and Bellamy.

Let me try to give L/CL the benefit of the doubt for a minute. I don't hold L as responsible for Clarke's choices, but I recognize the prominent role she played in their upbringing. The push and pull was an intriguing aspect of their dynamic, as was the chance to meet a manifestation of who Clarke might have been if she was all head, no heart. Her fall from grace was arguably necessary for her to be a fully-rounded character, not a Mary Sue. It wouldn't be realistic for the protagonist of a tragic story about a brutal world to be a pure cinnamon roll. When forgiveness is an innate theme with Clarke, it would be my bias at work if I was content with her applying it to everyone but Lxa. Clarke saw enough commonalities between her and L to identify with the latter. When she extended forgiveness to L, I believe it was her way of taking the first step on the path to making peace with herself by proxy. None of this means I wanted them paired up. At best, I made my peace with seeing the relationship through to its eventual end. In time for L's death, ironically. My passivity about them notwithstanding, my conclusions are, however, supported by canon.

If I may submit a Doylist reason for romantic CL? Jason knew he had a massive subfandom itching to see them coupled, thereby boosting ratings and generating media buzz. A Watsonian reason? Without relevance, I think L would have been another Anya to Clarke. Grapple shortly with the unfair taking of a life right as they choose to steer towards unity, melancholy giving way to the inconvenience of the loss of a potential, powerful political ally. Romance ensured her arc with L would have the designated impact on Clarke's character moving forward in the next act.

For a show not about relationships, Jason has routinely used romantic love as a shorthand for character and dynamic development. It's happened with so many hastily strung together pairings. And when it does, everyone and their mother bends over backward to defend the relationship. It's romantic because it just is. Didn't you see the kissing? Romantic.

No, The 100 at its core is not about relationships, romantic and otherwise. But stack the number of fans invested exclusively by the action against those of us appreciating a strong plot but are emotionally attached to the characters and dynamics. Who do we think wins? Jason can cry all he wants over an audience refusing to be dazzled solely by his flashy sci-fi.

Funnily enough, "not about relationships'' is only ever applied to Bellarke. Bellarke, a relationship so consistently significant, it's the central dynamic of the show. The backbone on which the story is predicated. Only with Bellarke does it become super imperative to represent male-female platonic relationships. As if Bellarke is the end all, be all of platonic friendship representation on this show. In every single television show in the history of television shows.

Where was this advocacy when B/echo was foisted upon on us after one scene between them where he didn't outright hate Echo? When one interaction before that, he nearly choked the life out of her. If male-female friendship on TV is so sparse, why didn't B/ravens celebrate the familial relationship between Bellamy and Raven? Isn't the fact that they interpret Clarke as abusive to Bellamy all the more reason to praise his oh-so-healthy friendship with Raven as friendship? They might be the one group of shippers at the least liberty to use this argument against Bellarke, lest they want to hear the cacophony of our fandom's laughter at the sheer hypocrisy of the joke. Instead, they've held on with an iron grip to the one sex scene from practically three lifetimes ago when the characters were distracting themselves from their feelings on OTHER people? They've recalled this as "proof" of romance while silent on (or misconstruing) the 99% of narrative wherein they were platonic and the 100% of the time they were canonically non-romantic.

Bellarke is only non-romantic if you believe love stories are told in the space of time it takes for Characters A & B to make out and screw each other onscreen, a timespan amounting to less than the intermission of a quick bathroom break. If it sounds ridiculous, it's because it is. And yet, some can't wrap their heads around the idea that maybe, just maybe, a well-written love story in its entirety is denoted by more than two insubstantial markers and unreliable qualifiers. B/raven had sex, and the deed didn't fashion them into a romance. Jasper and Maya kissed but didn't have sex. Were they half a romantic relationship? Bellarke is paralleled to romantic couples all the time, but it counts for nothing in the eyes of their rival-ship fandom adversaries. Take ship wars out of it by considering Mackson. Like B/echo, the show informed us that Mackson became a couple post-Praimfaya, offscreen, via a kiss. Does anyone fancy them an epic love story with their whisper of a buildup? Since a kiss is all it takes, as dictated by fandom parameters, we should.

If Characters A & B are ensconced in a romantic storyline, then by definition, their relationship is neither non-romantic nor fanon. "Platonic" rings hollow as a descriptor for feelings canonically not so.

If the rest of the fandom doesn't want to take our word for granted, Bob confirmed Bellarke as romantic. Is he as delusional as we are? Bob is not a shipper, but he knows what he was told to perform and how. Why do the pineapples twist themselves in knots to discredit his word? If they are so assured by Jason's word-of-god affirmation, then what credibility does it bear to have Bellarke validated by someone other than the one in charge? They're so quick to aggressively repudiate any statement less than "CL is everything. Nothing else exists. CL is the only fictional love story in The 100, nay, the WORLD. CL is the single greatest man-made invention since the advent of the wheel."

We've all seen a show with a romantic relationship between the leads at the core of the story. We all know the definition of slowburn. We can pinpoint the tropes used to convey romantic feelings. We know conflict is how stories are told. We know when interferences are meant to separate them. We know when obstacles are overcome, they're stronger for it. We know that's why the hurdles exist. We know those impediments often take the shape of interim, third-party love interests. We know what love triangles are. We know pining and longing.

Jason wasn't revolutionary in his structure of Bellarke. He wasn't sly. Jason modeled them no differently than most other shows do with their main romances. Subtler and slower, sure. Sometimes not subtle at all. There's no subtlety in having Clarke viscerally react to multiple shots of Bellamy with his girlfriend. No subtlety in him prioritizing her life over the others in Sanctum's clutches. In her prioritizing his life above all the other lives she was sure would perish if he opened the bunker door. There is no subtlety in Bellamy poisoning his sister to stave off Clarke's impending execution. In her relinquishing 50 Arkadian lives for him after it killed her to choose only 100 to preserve. In her sending the daughter Clarke was hellbent to protect, into the trenches to save him. In him marching across enemy lines to rescue her. In her surrender to her kidnapper to march to potential death, to prevent Bellamy's immediate one. No subtlety in Josie's callouts. No subtlety in Lxa's successful use of his name to convince Clarke to let a bomb drop on an unsuspecting village. Bet every dollar you have that the list goes on and on.

There are a lot of layers to what this show was. It was a tragedy, with hope for light at the end of the tunnel. It was, first and foremost, a post-apocalyptic sci-fi survival drama. Within this overarch is the story of how the union of Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake saves humanity, ushering in an age of peace. In this regard, their relationship transcended romance. But with the two of them growing exponentially more intimate each season, pulled apart by obstacles only to draw closer once again, theirs was a love story. A romantic opus, the crescendo timed in such a way that the resolution of this storyline -the moment they get together- would align with the resolution of the main plot. Tying Bellarke to the completion of this tale made them more meaningful than any other relationship on this show, not less.

Whereas the trend with every other pair was to chronicle whether they survived this hostile world intact or succumbed to it, Bellarke was a slowburn. A unique appellation for the couples on this show, but not disqualifying them from romantic acknowledgment.

Framing Bellarke in this manner was 100% Jason's choice. If he wanted the audience to treat them as platonic, he should have made it clear within the narrative itself, not through vague, word-of-god dispatches. A mishandled 180-degree swerve at the clutch as a consequence of extra-textual factors doesn't negate the 84% of the story prior. It's just bad writing to not follow through. And Jason's poor, nearsighted decisions ruined a hell of a lot more than a Bellarke endgame.

The problem is, when Bellarke is legitimized, the pineapples are yanked out of their fantasies where they get to pretend the quoted exaggerations above are real. Here I'm embellishing, but some of them have deeply ingrained their identities in CL to the degree where hyperbole is rechristened to incontestable facts. An endorsement for Bellarke is an obtrusive reminder of the not all-encompassing reception of their ship. A lack of positive sentiment is an attack on their OTP, elevated to an attack on their identity. Before long, it ascends to an alleged offense to their right to exist. The perpetrators of this evil against humanity are the enemy, and they must attack in kind, in defense of themselves.

Truthfully, I think it's sad, the connotation of human happiness wholly dependent on the outcome of a fictional liaison already terminated years ago. I'm not unaware of the marginalization of minorities, of the LGBT+ community, in media. I haven't buried my head in the sand to pretend there aren't horrible crimes committed against them. I don't pretend prejudice isn't rampant. When defense and education devolve into hatred and libel for asinine reasons, though, the line has been crossed. You don't get a free pass to hurt someone with your words over a damn ship war. No matter how hard you try to dress it up as righteous social justice, I assure you, you're woefully transparent.

[aphrodites-law]

A Bit of Clarity 🍂 (12/?) The visions had started last autumn, a year ago now. It had caused a bit of chaos for some, a bit of clarity for others. Two days ago, Clarke Griffin had been perfectly fine managing both her Café and her stress. But now she was curious - so deeply curious about the vision of herself entwined with the aloof Lexa Woods that it was leading her to complete distraction. (ao3)

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] [part 9] [part 10] [part 11]

A few minutes before closing time the next day, Clarke was waiting at the end of the counter for surprise customers. Gaia was already wrapping her scarf around her neck and Wells was pulling out ingredients for the next day. He had stayed much later today, going over resumes for their interviews tomorrow, but also reorganizing the kitchen.

After giving Gustus a call to offer him the job, Wells had realized that things would get crowded quite quickly. Gustus was a big man and the kitchen was on the smaller side, but it was workable with a different layout. Clarke thanked her lucky stars for her best friend's ability to adapt to situations, as she herself disliked big changes. Regardless of the possible growing pains ahead, it was an exciting time for the café.

Right after Gaia left with a tired wave, Wells found Clarke absentmindedly drawing the branches of the weeping fig. The last customers had left as well and the sun had already set. The mugs were clean, the plates drying, and the day's crumbs swept from the floor. It hadn't rained at all today; a small mercy given that Clarke couldn't stop thinking about her date with Lexa. She wasn't sure where they were headed, but heavy rain might've halted Lexa's plans and she didn't have the patience to wait another day.

Wells peeked at her drawing pad and sighed. "God, she's a beauty," he said dreamily.

Clarke snorted. His fondness for their Ficus was a running joke between them. "Weirdo."

Wells gave her a tired grin as he buttoned up his wool peacoat. He always looked so sharp in winter wear, whereas Clarke always felt like a bulky bear. She'd dressed up a little today - fitted dark pants and a knitted sweater with a nice scoop neck. Her boots were clean and if her hair's curls had loosened over the day, she had still clearly made an effort to look presentable.

“So, you had your vision," said Wells.

Clarke dropped her pencil. "Wh- I- what?"

"It was a few weeks ago, wasn't it? When you came in looking like you hadn’t slept a wink."

Shame gripped her. "Wells, I-"

“You’re looking more crimson than cranberry juice,” he pointed out with a laugh.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t know how to bring it up," she said. She'd always felt guilty for keeping it from him, but it wasn't the easiest topic either. "Did Raven tell you?"

"Nah, she even deflected when I wondered aloud. You just started acting weird whenever someone mentioned visions. You hate lying, so I figured you didn't want to be asked if you'd had one."

Clarke closed her notepad. She should have known he'd catch on. "I didn't mean to be secretive. You know I would've told you the minute it happened, it just wasn't… family friendly."

"Yeah, I figured. It's good though? I mean, you're happy, right?"

It was a surprising question, though it shouldn't have been. Clarke hadn't really thought about it. It wasn't something she asked herself or even expected. For so long happiness had just revolved around the café. Finding the right name; the right building; the right theme. She'd judged her days based on their achieved goals and for a while it had been a thrill. And it still was - her work made her proud and it made her happy too - but it wasn't everything. She'd come to face that recently, and though the wake up call had been… unconventional, certainly, she was grateful for it.

"I am. I'm seeing her, actually. The woman from my vision. You'd recognize her - she's a regular."

Wells nodded as if he'd already put two and two together. “At Octavia and Lincoln's party I saw you talking to her. Then it clicked she wrote that article on Finn - I remembered checking her profile on the Gazette when it dropped."

"Yeah, she works there. She's writing a piece on the visions actually."

"So it's getting serious?" He asked hesitantly.

And really, Clarke couldn't fault his curiosity. She'd been so wrapped up in Lexa that she'd neglected their relationship and now he was unsure if he should gently prod or wait.

“It’s new and we’re taking things slow, but yeah, I'm hoping it'll work out. I really like her."

Wells looked over her shoulder toward the entrance and smiled. "Seems like she really likes you too."

Clarke turned around and saw that Lexa had parked her car and was just crossing the street toward the café.

"Are you coming in tomorrow?" He asked her.

Clarke whipped around, her cheeks flushed. "What? Of course I am. Why wouldn't I?"

"Dunno, you tell me." He laughed as he checked for his keys in his pocket. "Gaia and Harper have the early shift, in case you forgot. We just have those three interviews in the afternoon, but you already know that."

"I do know," she replied with a frown. "There's no reason I wouldn't be here earlier. I'm always here. What are you saying?"

He shrugged, entirely too proud of himself, and walked toward the back exit. "No one will fault you if you take a break. Enjoy your date!"

"I will! And I'll see you in the morning!" Clarke replied stubbornly.

"I'm sure you will!" he retorted, still snickering, before closing the door behind him.

A hand touched Clarke's shoulder and she startled.

"Sorry," Lexa said with a gentle smile. She'd put on her black coat today, the top buttons undone to reveal her sweater - a reddish brown this time, perfect for the fall. Her hair was down and her eyeliner perhaps more pronounced than usual. Clarke wondered if she'd applied it in her car. She looked beautiful.

"Hi, baby," she softened, forgetting all about Well's teasing. He didn't know what he was talking about. Tonight was just going to be a nice date. Some food, wine - whatever Lexa had planned. They were still going slow. Clarke didn't have any expectations other than enjoying their time together. She liked their pace. It was… frustrating at times, sure, but it was working. They had both opened up to each other.

"Hi," Lexa whispered before she inched forward so that she could kiss her over the counter. Clarke sighed into it, having imagined such sweetness all day long.

"Am I too early?" Lexa asked. "Do you need help cleaning up?"

Clarke brushed her thumb over Lexa's jaw. "No, I'm done. I just need to grab my coat and close up."

"Was that Wells who went out back?"

"Yes, he was being ridiculous."

"I thought he usually left earlier?"

"He does, but he's been rearranging the kitchen. I think he's worried Gustus will find it too small."

"Gus has an entire farm and acres of land at his disposal, but he sleeps in his shed because it's warm," Lexa said. "He won't mind."

Clarke beamed, delighted to hear it. "I'm going to give you Wells' number and you're going to text him just that. "

While Clarke left to grab her coat, Lexa worried her lip. "Oh but he doesn't really know me…"

"He will."

Clarke came out from the back with her coat and scarf on. She pulled out her set of keys. "He's my best friend and you're my-" she stopped herself. "I think you'd get along great. He loves theater, devours literature, and he already thinks you're amazing for taking Finn down. So don't worry about it."

"Well, that reminds me: Collins went ahead with suing the Gazette."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

They made their way to the front, where Lexa opened the door for Clarke. "No. It'll never stand, but he aims to waste our time and money."

"Waste of time and money - that's been his motto since birth."

Lexa wrinkled her nose. "Let's talk about something else."

"Please. So where's my carriage?"

Lexa laughed.

* * *

Lexa may not have found a pumpkin to turn into a carriage after all, but her car smelled like apples and she drove so smoothly Clarke could've closed her eyes and imagined they weren't moving at all. She had never thought 'great driver' would do it for her, but here she was eyeing Lexa's hands on the steering wheel and feeling hot.

"How's the writing going?" Clarke asked, clearing her throat when her voice started off slightly rough.

Lexa took a left, which would've surprised Clarke if she'd paid any attention to the road. But all she could think about was Lexa's razor-sharp focus and how she yearned to be the reason for it.

"Good, I finished a first draft. My writing partner is looking at it for now. I need it out of my sight for a few days."

"Partner, huh?"

Lexa smiled as she kept her eyes on the road. "Echo. She wrote most of the FC&B article."

"Did you write for other newspapers before?"

Lexa nodded. "Two. I've been lucky, professionally. Smaller papers have always been more interesting to me, so I stayed away from national ones. I was able to climb the ladder a lot faster than some of my old classmates."

"The Gazette must've been a change of pace. New city, new job - I don't think I could handle it."

"When they hired me I was so happy to be working I just threw myself into it," Lexa admitted. "I got the idea on the Mountain Men soon after, just from reading old archives about them. That kept me busy, so I didn't have time to worry about fitting in. It was nice. Exciting. It felt like falling in love with my job again. Then one day Echo invited me to grab drinks with other colleagues and… I realized things had fallen into place already."

"Costial is pretty magical like that," Clarke said with a smile. She loved it when Lexa talked about her time here. Sometimes it was easy to forget she hadn't even been here a year yet. Clarke remembered her first year in the city - how she'd felt like she'd always belonged here. How she couldn't wait to build her life here. And college had been fun, and sometimes she walked by the campus just for the nostalgia of it, but it was the years after that had really shaped her life into what it was today. There had been many tears and failures before the café, but she'd never once thought of leaving. She hoped Lexa felt the same.

One glance outside the window and Clarke finally had an idea where they were headed. They were quite far from the center of the city now, just a few miles away from Busy Moose Park and its lake on the outskirts. Lexa took the road that led to the park, but she didn't make the turn Clarke had expected and instead continued straight.

"Are we going to the factory?" Clarke asked.

The chocolate factory and its surroundings were certainly a sight to behold, and popular with teens because of its smells and aesthetic quality, but there wasn't much to do unless you brought a picnic. Which was unlikely to be comfortable anyway in this cold.

"Not quite," Lexa answered with a secretive smile.

A few minutes later she finally pulled over into a small parking lot, checking for Clarke's reaction as soon as they got out of the car.

“I know I said I’d take you somewhere more upscale, but I thought you might really like this place."

Because the factory was just a ways down the road and it was windy tonight, the bold smell of chocolate permeated the air. They had stopped in front of a rustic restaurant surrounded by a garden. Small lights glowed softly against the brick walls, complimented by the dancing shadows from a few lanterns. There was a patio with beams covered in twining vines, the plants and wisteria also covering the top like a ceiling. Powerful heaters kept the biting cold at bay, no doubt, making the entire place look like a winter fairytale.

It was the kind of romantic setting Clarke would have made fun of in front of friends while secretly hoping to experience it one day.

“How the hell have I never been here before?” She asked in astonishment.

With a hand on her back, Lexa led her toward the entrance.

“Did you know Icicle? Italian restaurant?”

“Yeah, that rings a bell.”

“This is it. The owner retired and her son took over - revamped the whole place from top to bottom and gave it a mountain lodge theme. He figured they should capitalize on the location more, especially the constant sweetness in the air. It just reopened a few weeks ago. Featured in the Gazette and everything.”

“Oh, that might’ve been when I was a bit angry at you," Clarke remembered and gave Lexa a teasing grin. "Deleted the app like it was some kind of statement."

Lexa scrunched up her nose, not too eager to remember that time. The hostess seated them inside at a secluded table for two. The light was dimmed and there was a candle between them; and even two squares of chocolate wrapped in gold foil.

After they took off their coats and sat, Lexa bit her lip. “It's not too much, is it?"

"Are you kidding? It's gorgeous." Clarke reached for her hand. "You're always surprising me."

A waiter gave them a menu and a basket of bread. They looked like mini baguettes and Clarke was temped to steal one for Wells.

“God, I almost forgot about this smell," she said, taking a deep breath. The chocolate from the factory still wafted faintly in the air, and mixed with the smell of food it had Clarke already salivating for dinner. "In college we used to hang out by the lake a lot. If the wind was on our side we’d always get a whiff from the factory. Not even edibles could beat that.”

Lexa arched a brow. “Edibles, huh?”

“Please, I know you’ve dabbled," Clarke scoffed.

“What makes you think that?”

“You have the vibe.”

“The pothead vibe? I thought I was unreadable.”

“Oh you have that vibe too," Clarke laughed. "But then there’s the tattoos, the plants, the way you write about nature. You’re curious, open minded, andyou went to a liberal arts college. You must’ve tried it at least once. I think that’s how you approach most things: don’t knock ‘till you try it. Am I close?”

Lexa looked away, slightly flummoxed. “It sounds like I’m more of an open book then.”

"Maybe that's a good thing…" Clarke offered with a hopeful smile, thumb caressing the back of her hand.

"Maybe it is," Lexa agreed.

They both picked the apricot glazed chicken with roasted potatoes, pairing it with a white wine. Throughout dinner Clarke felt such pleasant warmth, both because of the wine and Lexa's steady gaze on her. She was relaxed and unfairly charming; a great listener by all accounts, but also coming out of her shell when it came to her own past. Clarke knew it wasn't easy for her, which made it all the more special.

"In retrospect I should've figured politics weren’t for me when I started screaming at my television every time the news came on."

Clarke grinned, knowing the sentiment all too well. "Good thing you don't work for a newspaper or anything…"

Swallowing the last of her wine, Lexa gave her a playful smirk. "Local news. I can take the city hall drama. I actually enjoy it with my morning pastry."

"That I can believe. You always look so deep in thought when you read. Harper dropped a cup once and you didn't even flinch."

"Really?" Lexa asked. "Is there anything else I do that I should know about?"

The waiter stopped by with their desserts: molten chocolate cake for Lexa and a slice of pear tart for Clarke.

"It's not like I stare or anything," Clarke clarified as she grabbed her spoon. "Your seat just happens to be in my vicinity."

"Mm." Lexa smirked. "I guess I just pop up sometimes…" she trailed off, her tone heavy with implication.

She did this occasionally, but more boldly recently. Alluding to Clarke's vision seemed to greatly entertain Lexa.

"Ha, you're funny," Clarke deadpanned.

"Did I also crack jokes while I was kissing you - and I quote - everywhere?" Lexa goaded.

Clarke shrugged as she chewed on her tart. "Actually you were a lot more suave than you are now. Pity."

Lexa laughed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"Please, you're very proud of yourself. And it's not fair all I have to go on is your distaste for coffee." Clarke remembered how frantic she had been after her vision, her mind firing questions every second. “Did you know I went to a vision reader right after?”

It had been an impulse and she'd regretted it, but she figured Lexa was familiar with them.

"Really?" Lexa asked, surprised.

“Yeah, the one by the market. Becca’s Reading or something. I bailed at the last minute.”

“I actually haven’t spoken to one. I was toying with the idea, but it might be an entirely different article.”

Clarke grimaced. “They’re just opportunistic money grabbers.”

Lexa offered a spoonful of her cake, which Clarke took before plopping a bit of pear on top of it. The warm chocolate melted the pear in her mouth and she sighed at the taste. Lexa smiled.

“It’s a different point of view. Besides, listening to so many stories might’ve given them some valuable insight even if they opened a shop for the wrong reasons. If my job’s taught me anything it’s to not judge a book by its cover.”

"Hmm you're good at it - your job. And I'm not just saying that because you're wining and dining me."

Lexa looked bashful. "You know, I remember when you yelled at me to get over myself."

"Not our finest moment…"

"No," Lexa agreed. "But it was needed. Before that there was so much I wanted to tell you, but… couldn't."

"I know." Clarke remembered that feeling as well. After the vision she'd look at Lexa and be so certain there was so much left unsaid between them, yet neither of them knew where to start, or if it was reciprocated. "I should've let you interview me - just ripped off the Band-Aid. It would've explained a lot."

"I would've never made it past the first question," Lexa said. "Can you share what you saw, Clarke?"

Clarke smiled cheekily around a mouthful of her tart. "Well, I would hope that kind of confession would score me a date at least."

"Oh I would have asked you out on the spot," Lexa replied with a smirk.

Clarke gasped. "How very unprofessional of you."

"If you hadn't noticed, my professionalism hangs by a thread whenever I'm near you."

Clarke let out a small laugh. "Well, that's one thing I'm glad for."

* * *

After their dinner, Lexa suggested they walk in the park before it closed. It was cold but their coats were thick and the wind was minimal. Clarke had no desire to part just yet, and so took Lexa's hand in hers as soon as they left the car by the park's entrance.

They had a little less than thirty minutes before it closed, but enjoyed every second as they strolled by the lake. The half-moon was reflected on the quiet surface, and though there were a few other people, Clarke felt like they had just stepped into a world of their own.

Clarke nudged Lexa toward one of the Beech trees, its autumn leaves still clinging bravely to its thick branches. They settled beneath it, lying down on the soft ground where leaves piled atop the grass. Between the branches they could see some stars, and Clarke wondered if maybe the park could close and leave them be. There was nowhere else she wanted to be.

She heard some rustling and then saw Lexa look down at her, her face framed by her wavy hair and the stars above. She took Clarke's breath away.

"You're so beautiful," Lexa murmured, struck by a similar thought it seemed. "You have the kindest eyes and the warmest smile. It's the first thing I ever noticed about you."

Clarke reached up to kiss her, parting only when she felt Lexa's hand on her stomach. Even atop her coat and thick clothing, she could feel its warmth.

"I think you're drunk on wine and chocolate."

"Then you'll be relived to hear I'm a very sincere drunk."

Clarke giggled, which made Lexa's smile stretch in such a fond way. She pressed closer to her, the tip of her nose brushing against her neck. She kissed the small spot, as if to apologize for her cold nose.

"I wonder so much about you, Clarke."

Clarke hummed. "What do you wonder about?"

“I’ve spoken with a lot of people. Heard the visions about reuniting with loved ones, getting over addictions, graduating. There’s been some romance of course,” Lexa said. “Aden’s first kiss, though he couldn’t see his boyfriend’s face. Echo celebrating a wedding anniversary with her husband. But so few - even online in anonymous circles - so few like yours.”

Now Clarke felt warm again, mostly from the blush on her cheeks. “I don’t believe that.”

Lexa lifted her head from her shoulder. “Have you personally heard of any?”

“Raven saw Wells naked.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

“Okay, so I'm a pervert, what can I say?”

“No,” Lexa replied, tickled by Clarke's little huff. “You’re a mystery. You intrigue me.”

Clarke cleared her throat. “Well I’ve had a bit of a dry spell. I had flings, but… I didn't allow myself anything more. The café was taking up all my thoughts and for a while it worked for me. Then the days got long again, and lonelier… Raven said it was probably just my body wanting me to snap out of it.”

“And what do you think?”

Clarke did wonder about it then, or at least differently than she had in the past. It wasn't so long ago she'd asked these questions herself. She'd been so frustrated she couldn't discuss them with the person she'd shared it with, and here she was, lying right next to her in a bed of leaves.

She touched Lexa's hand on her stomach, lacing and unlacing their fingers, gently playing with them as she tried to make sense of everything.

“Have you never fantasized about a stranger?" She asked quietly, catching Lexa's eyes. "Someone who knows nothing about you and yet knows exactly how to make your body soar?"

“That’s not what you saw though, is it?” Lexa murmured. “I wasn’t a stranger in your bed. I knew you and you knew me."

Clarke felt her heart beat faster. She wanted so badly to kiss Lexa again; to feel her body against hers like the night on her couch.

"Lex…"

Their lips were just a hair's breadth apart now. To anyone else, they would've looked like they were kissing.

"How was it different, Clarke?"

Clarke swallowed, trying to find the words. “How? The way you handled me - needy and possessive, but tender and attentive too. Like you were in charge of my pleasure and you had to remind me."

She saw Lexa swallow and so continued, eager to share everything this time: "You said my name and it almost sounded like a prayer - like you couldn’t believe we were together. I never heard my name like that before. I never thought I could make someone feel lucky."

"God, Clarke, you have no idea." Lexa exhaled before closing the gap and kissing her. It wasn't like any other kiss they'd shared tonight. It felt like a promise, almost. Lexa tasted so sweet on her tongue and Clarke could only wonder if all of her was just as heavenly.

She cupped the back of her neck and felt herself throb with desire, her mind filled with both the reality of Lexa and the last of her vision.

"I can even remember the smell of us," Clarke sighed between kisses. "How sticky my skin felt, like we'd been in bed for hours."

"Clarke - fuck."

Clarke pushed Lexa on her back and cupped her cheeks, claiming her lips quite quickly again. She licked into her mouth and moaned at the silky feel of Lexa's tongue.

"Sometimes I'd try to picture us again but you'd disappear," Clarke continued, eyes closing when Lexa started kissing down her neck. "I wasn't sure if it was you anymore. But then you'd come back. I'd feel your hands, your mouth on me… lower, and lower…"

Lexa let out a groan and pinched the bridge of her nose before falling back on the ground, the leaves rustling beneath her. Something in the way she set her jaw made Clarke frown.

"Baby…" she said, tracing a finger over her cheekbone.

"Did you call her that?" Lexa asked without thinking.

Clarke retracted her hand and paused. A grin spread on her face. “What? Are you jealous… of yourself?”

Lexa glared petulantly. “No.”

“You are."

Lexa remained quiet, so after a moment Clarke poked her arm. “Well what about yours?”

"Mine?"

"I wasn't even in it - how do you think that makes me feel?"

Lexa shook her head. "You were in it."

"You said you were just standing in a random kitchen making coffee."

"Yes."

"So?"

They heard the echo of a bicycle's bell on the pathway and turned to the sound, but the couple soon rode away. Clarke looked at Lexa again, finding her staring at the sky.

“What are you keeping from me?”

A small smile grew on Lexa's face - but she remained tightlipped.

"How was I there?" Clarke asked again, deeply curious.

"The doodles," Lexa simply replied.

Clarke remembered that she'd found that to be a strange detail before. She didn't put up her doodles on walls and she didn't frame them. These had to be important. Something that made her identity unmistakable in Lexa's eyes. Sure it could be that her style was recognizable, but Lexa made it sound as if it was something else.

“Lex…"

She lifted Lexa's chin to catch her gaze.

“If I tell you, I worry it might not happen," Lexa admitted.

Clarke bit her lip, finally understanding. It was almost like saying a wish out loud - fearing it might not come true if you broke that single rule.

“You want it to happen?” She asked instead.

A breeze passed as Lexa looked at her intently, leaving no room for doubt. “Yes.”

There was no waver in her voice. Not even an ounce of hesitation. The sheer confidence set Clarke alight. She’d forgotten how it felt to feel so wanted. Whatever it was in that frame… Lexa clearly hoped for it in their future. The fact that she wanted it with her, and no one else, made her desire swell.

She leaned down and kissed her right against the grass and by the slumbering tree, forgetting all about the doodles. Lexa believed it was her - that was all that mattered. After weeks of being unsure of where they stood, if her feelings were even shared, she didn't need anything more.

Lexa wound her arm around her waist, her mouth still as hungry against Clarke's. When they pulled away, she pressed their foreheads together.

“I wish I could see us like you did," she murmured wistfully.

"What would it change?"

“Maybe… maybe if I knew I was good enough for you… If I was sure that I wouldn’t- that I wouldn’t hurt you-"

Clarke shook her head. "Don’t fill your head with thoughts like that. Let's just be here, together, and worry about the rest when it comes. I know it's hard for you, but this - us - right now… it's good, isn't it?"

Lexa nodded. "It's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time."

Relieved, Clarke tucked her head beneath Lexa's chin. "Then just be with me. You can be happy, baby. You have a right to it. Don't let anyone or anything tell you otherwise."

Eventually they made their way back to Lexa's car, neither of them interested in picking up their leisurely pace.

"I'm sorry we ended up walking so much," Lexa said.

"You fed me beforehand, so it's forgiven."

Lexa smiled. "Good to know."

Before they reached the parking lot, Clarke decided to ask what had been on her mind: "I know you said Costial feels like home to you; that you found your place here, but… do you see your future here? Because this is it for me. And I'm… I like you, Lex. I like you a lot. I don't want to be an interlude. I don't think I could take it."

"Clarke," Lexa stepped closer to her. "You're not an interlude, you're - God, you've been in every act of my life here. I don't want to go anywhere. I- I want to be with you. That's what I know for certain. Is that alright for now?"

"It is."

Lexa kissed her softly and then smirked. "I may not have had erotic visions of myself entwined with a hot local, but I still want to stay here."

Clarke shoved her playfully. "I don't even like you anymore."

They laughed the whole way to the car.

* * *

It seemed like a tradition already; Lexa walking her to her door while Clarke racked her mind for a way to linger. When they finally arrived she leaned against her door and sighed.

"Tonight was amazing."

Lexa hummed. "I'm glad."

"I'm definitely taking you out this weekend," Clarke said.

"You are?" Lexa asked, tilting her head to kiss her again.

Clarke closed the gap as she wrapped her arms around her neck. The kiss was slow; amatory, but as always it could not go on for too long before hands wandered.

"I hope you have sweet dreams," Lexa said, her eyes hooded and her lips slightly redder.

"Oh I will."

Lexa glanced at her mouth. "If I pay you a visit again maybe you could keep a journal close by. I'd love some notes on my performance."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Remind me why I ever told you?"

"What? That we lasted hours?" Lexa husked.

Right. Clarke narrowed her eyes and let her hands slowly drag down Lexa's arms. Now, Clarke wasn't innocent. She knew fully what made her look good, even when her coat was buttoned up. She had let Lexa tease her and goad her about the vision all night, and she had kept her retort to herself. But no more.

She pressed her body closer to Lexa's, unmistakably provocative with the way their breasts touched.

“Make fun all you want, Lexa, but remember this: I’ve seen all of you while you haven’t seen an inch of me.” She felt Lexa’s hand tighten on her waist. “I’ve felt your body against mine. Your mouth on my thighs. I’ve felt your tongue inside me.” She glanced down at Lexa's lips and then back up, proud of the gobsmacked look on her face. “So you can tease me. You can push my buttons. I can take it. But you? You only have your imagination." She stepped back and gave her sultriest smile, "And trust me, it’s got nothing on reality.”

She turned around and quickly unlocked her door, then looked over her shoulder. "Thanks for the date, baby."

As soon as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her, Clarke knew she'd just played a dirty hand. But Lexa had teased her at all night and all was fair in lust.

With a wicked grin, too pleased by the night's events, Clarke took off her coat and slipped out of her shoes and socks. And because she just couldn't resist one last look, she walked to her window and waited. Finally she saw Lexa walk out of the building. She seemed unfocused, going right and then left, forgetting where she'd parked.

But then she stopped and turned around.

Clarke's smile fell. Just watching Lexa like this, seeing the effect she had on her… it changed something. She had closed the door in the spur of the moment - because they were good at testing each other. Because she had thought tonight should end there, on another game of theirs.

But she didn’t want to play anymore.

And maybe Lexa realized it too. She looked up and found her apartment's window.

Their eyes met.

Clarke reached out for the curtain, gripping it so tight her knuckles went white. She couldn't look away from those eyes in the moonlight if she tried. Even if the ground started shaking beneath their feet.

"Lexa-" she started before stopping herself. It had to be Lexa's decision. Clarke had already made hers. She couldn't call out to her. Not for this. Lexa had to choose.

Clarke held her breath, unsure she'd even be able to leave this spot if Lexa did walk away after all. Until-

Lexa bolted back toward the building.

Clarke watched her disappear from view and then heard her intercom. She rushed toward it and pressed the buzzer, her heart in her throat. Still barefoot, she pulled the door open and waited. Footsteps thundered up the flights of stairs, closer and closer.

Tonight had not ended. Not yet.

[wanripa]

clarke  (  &  general  )  ship  /  characters tag drop !

[padmeskywalkers]

I bear it, so they don’t have to. 

pride month edits - clarke griffin ( the 100 )

[unchartedcloud]

So my twin brother recently made me start watching Westworld. We’re only halfway through season 1 but now all I can think about is an AU where Clarke and Lexa are at West World and one of them is a guest and the other is a host.

Counterpoint: they’re both Hosts.

Hear me out: 

Lexa Woods’ storyline is designed for those Guests who want to taste the adventure of the park - without needing to do anything too evil or untoward to do so. Though she’s scripted to be a Lawful character, she herself lives outside the law: as the leader of a band of gunslingers and thieves colloquially called the Nightbloods (so named because they make all their kills at night, some say, though others claim it’s because they dress all in black and red), she has a sizable bounty on her head. Not least of all because she’s currently campaigning to unite the twelve biggest bandit gangs in the desert to chase the new railroad company out of town before they can destroy the farms and ranches and other small-time operations the county people have come to rely on. Turns out pissing off the only people with money is a quick way to get a wanted poster.

The only problem is, none of the wanted posters have been able to actually depict her face. Whenever she’s been spotted at the head of a Nightblood raid it’s been with a red bandana over her nose and a black hat on her head, so the wanted posters can only ever even attempt to accurately portray her eyes. Which means when she heads into town one morning, the pretty blonde she helps with the door of the general store doesn’t realize who she’s talking to.

Enter: Clarke. The eldest daughter of the county governor - an office which has ended up in the hands of his wife, Abby, after Jake Griffin died of an infected wound a few months back - Clarke has the eye of every eligible Host (and very many Guests, eligible or otherwise) in town. How couldn’t she? She’s scripted to be desirable: educated and intelligent, she has a whip-sharp wit and a will to rival any man twice her age and three times her means. Clarke, too, has taken issue with the treatment the people of the county have had at the hands of the railroads, but her weapons are different. With her learning, a polished politess, and access to power, her storyline is one for Guests who prefer intrigue to bloodshed.

When she meets Lexa Woods in town that day, she meets a fellow crusader who can match her beat for beat - even though they disagree. Lexa’s solutions are direct and scented with gunpowder, her approach firm and unyielding. Wrong is wrong in her eyes, and wrong needs to be righted. Clarke, for her part, is willing to bend in places Lexa won’t; there’s nothing wrong in charming someone you despise or bluffing about the cards in your hand when the end goal is a righteous one. Star-crossed from the moment they meet, they fall in love debating such things over a tavern table. How could they not? It’s like someone made them to be perfect for each other.

But the person who did so has a cruel sense of romance.

Because Lexa Woods’ storyline doesn’t end happily. A scripted late night meeting - the clandestine embrace of lovers who know they’re only safe when cloaked in darkness - is scripted to be picked up by the county sheriff. Who is in turn scripted to take the railroad’s bribe to put a judicious end to Lexa Woods. And that night, whether by a bullet from the sheriff’s gun or a Guest’s that’s helping him, Lexa Woods dies. And Clarke is scripted to watch.

She isn’t scripted to remember.

And she doesn’t, not really. Not in the way that brings clarity or comes with intention, but in the way that things happening in broad daylight, right in front of her eyes, feel...wrong. Her face remains the same, and so does Lexa’s, and so does the sheriff’s - but the person who’s with him, sometimes a man, sometimes a woman, sometimes more than one, those change. She finds herself jumping at gunshots that don’t exist, terrified of things that haven’t happened yet. Once she meets a beautiful woman with dark hair and eyes the color of summer grass, and she immediately begins to cry. She isn’t sure why. She’s never met this person before.

And when she sleeps, she sees her. Over and over again, hundreds upon hundreds of times, she watches Lexa Woods bleed out in her arms.

Lexa doesn’t remember - not in the same way. She’ll wake in the morning with the taste of metal on her tongue. In the middle of the day, she'll be taken by the sudden urge to scream. The sight of her Nightbloods leaves an ache in her chest for no reason she can discern. And when she does meet Clarke Griffin, the governor’s daughter, she bears a weight of guilt on her shoulders that no amount of apology can relieve her of...but perhaps that’s because she doesn’t know what she’s apologizing for.

Until one night they meet in the barn on the Griffin family’s property to whisper their love to each other by lantern light. That night, lawmen spurs kick in the door and lawmen iron is drawn on her for the simple crime of fighting for those who can’t fight for themselves and she knows, she knows that this is how it ends, how it’s ended countless times before. She knows that after this the newest of her Nightbloods - a face that isn’t the same as it was last time, that isn’t the same as it was any number of dozens of times, how can that be - will take up her mantle and wage a virtuous war against the railroad in her name, will finish her work in her memory. Because that’s how her storyline goes. She’s scripted to be a sacrifice to someone else’s story. And in that moment, she is more furious than she has ever been in her hundreds upon hundreds of lives.

But this life is different. Because every time before, she and Clarke are caught by surprise. Every time before, they forget about Lexa’s revolver until it’s too late. This time, same as every time before, Lexa is caught by surprise, she does forget - but Clarke isn’t, and Clarke doesn’t. No sooner has the sheriff kicked in the door does a smoking hole appear in the center of his chest, and as he looks down at it in unscripted confusion, the face that doesn’t match any of the faces that came before lifts their gun and fires.

They both die that night.

But the people who write their story find themselves in trouble that night, and every night after that. They just don’t know it yet.

Feel free to reblog this to add your own thoughts or comments - but please don’t take this idea!

[ofruins]

clarke  griffin  visuals     (   3   /   -   )