#&&char: Cheng Xiaoshi

[necrosin]

beijing is a crowded place and always has been / the sort of place where someone can disappear with ease / the sort of place where faces become blurred and no one has distinct features, anymore —— it's been a long while since he's lived here, since he was a boy ; everything lacks familiarity. everything about the city, that is / how is it that he's been convinced to make this trip, again?

oh, right : cheng xiaoshi.

isn't that the answer to everything, these days?

( don't think too hard about, don't peer too close, don't, do not, it's better for everyone if you maintain your distance like you always do and yet —— idiot. not often you call yourself that, hm?)

touristy stuff is par for the course visiting a new place / not that this is a new place to lu guang, but it's relatively new to cheng xiaoshi and years and different experiences and @fumalsamakah have worn away that old awareness and the FORBIDDEN CITY is a must—see ( ... ) apparently. cheng xiaoshi always seems to meld seemlessly anywhere he goes, body language languid and easy and perhaps people envy him for that —— lu guang finds that he envies their surroundings for beholding them, far moreso than cheng xiaoshi, himself.

he could watch him for hours / days / ages / wondrous and wonderful and it's worth it, traveling with him. many things are worth it with him. ❝ a picture will last longer, ❞ fully sardonic, acutely aware of irony for the sake of it as he continues sticking to the shadows, knowing full well that the sun will turn him bright red within moments if he were to give her a chance. for a moment it feels like the muscles of his face want to smile, and he cal feel his mouth tremor for a moment before settling again. neutral but vaguely fond ( only, only for cheng xiaoshi ) and he adds, quietly, ❝ mmm ( ... ) and qiao ling wanted some pictures. ❞

[necrosin]

it's a universal constant : that cheng xiaoshi will always be fine. a worrisome sort of thing, a heart lurching thing, something that lu guang wants to take from him to ensure him that it's fine to not be fine, after all —— but he'll always carry on. press on. be stalled and grieve for a time, but always, in the end, his heart wills him to continue to help people in such a way that only they are able to. that they will continue to do, until ( in some strange, impossible future scenario ) they decide to stop.

he wipes away another tear and another, holds cheng xiaoshi's face in his palm as though it's something precious because it is —— sometimes he can be cold and callous but never when cheng xiaoshi is weeping, leaning into his touch, accepting comfort in the only ways that lu guang knows how to give it. he's warm in his hands, as if he were holding the sun, itself, and lu guang squeezes his hand in return. ❝ couldn't sleep, ❞ he doesn't experience feelings and memories and physicality as cheng xiaoshi does, but images leave an imprint, and there are times when it dares to linger in spite of himself. ❝ i was thinking, ❞ a vague statement, too vague for cheng xiaoshi, perhaps / but there are times when his thoughts are amorphous and strange and he ponders and ponders and thinks in half thoughts and misshapen memories in a strange, viscous cycle with no true end nor beginning.

Cheng Xiaoshi can’t help it: tears spring to his eyes on Lu Guang’s command, welling and slipping from the corners and down his cheeks. He doesn’t make a sound, not a one, but his eyebrows furrow, and the line of his mouth tightens, and he looks (would look to anyone who could see, but especially to Lu Guang, who’s seen the most vulnerable parts of him, who’s always there) like a person in tremendous amounts of pain.

He hazards a breath; a quiet hitch of air through gritted teeth. Lu Guang’s palm is cold against his face. He leans into it. “I’m fine, Lu Guang.” It’s a ridiculous thing to say now, after confessing to the literal opposite, but Lu Guang will know what he means. He’s never misunderstood him to date, and Cheng Xiaoshi has no doubt today will be no different—they’re like that, the pair of them. “I’ll be fine,” he adds, quieter. Lu Guang worries, and he wishes he wouldn’t, but is, simultaneously, glad for it still. One thing Cheng Xiaoshi’s learned in their years together: Lu Guang’s concern isn’t the burdening type. He relishes in the comfort of his touch, gentle and assuaging, and his own hand tightens around Lu Guang’s, drawing the cold from his skin. His other hand, he lifts to settle around the slim curve of Lu Guang’s wrist, fingers curling into a loose hold. “Why weren’t you asleep?”

[astro-can]

small list of anime/manga/shows/series I’ve read/watched for future reference + fave char

bsd: ranpo and yosano

tpn: Ray

Kny: tanjiro

mha: todoroki

link click: qiaoling and Cheng xiaoshi

jjk: all the second years

sk8: reki

kaiju no 8: hoshino

sasaki to miyano: TASHIROOO

Hirano to kagiura: HANZAWAAAAAÀÄ

butai ni sake: oniwa and botan

horimiya: iura

castle in the sky

howls moving castle

spirited away

whisper of the heart

ponyo

Bllk: chigiri and gagamaru

Haikyuu: kenma and suga

tbhk: mitsuba

my living dead

hxh: kurapika

Given: hiragi

Oshi no ko: none

Tokyo revengers: takashi

windbreaker: suo

Yuri on ice: yurio

saniro boys: mizuno

The apothecary diaries: maomao and consort gyokoyou

hell's paradise: fuchi

spy x family

kimi no yoru ni fureru

not anime:

percy Jackson/heroes of Olympus: leo

marvel: nat and wanda

the remarried empress

orv: gilyoung and huiwon

school bus graveyard: Aiden and tay

hooky: dani and damien

voltron: pidge

magnus chase: alex

kane chronicles: sadie

harry potter

[dasuruwu]

Hi!

My name is Dana and I welcome you to my blog ♡(*>ω<)ω<*♡

Here I post anything I like and want (♡´▽`♡)

⋆ ｡.｡:+*˚｡⋆୨୧˚　˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆*+:｡.｡　

Like: women, soft aesthetic, cats, feminism

Dislike: rude behavior, sarcasm, problematic content

⋆ ｡.｡:+*˚｡⋆୨୧˚　˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆*+:｡.｡

MY FANDOMS

Alien Stage

Link Click

Tokyo Revengers

Genshin Impact

etc....

MY OTP

Mizisua

Cheng Xiaoshi/Lu Guang

Bajifuyu

Sanmikey/Harumai

Luckae

Dainkae

Kaebedo

(yes I love Kaeya)

Cynari

Ittorou

MY FAV CHARS

Mizi, Sua, Luka, Hyuna, Ivan

Lu Guang, Qiao Ling

Sanzu, Chifuyu, Baji

Kaeya, Freminet, Itto, Gorou, Yae Miko

Would love to see you as my mutual/follower!

o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

[evcryopeneye]

@indulgentia​​ dive back in time...

“Look,” he began, like he was about to launch into a lecture, but, he didn’t have the energy to do it, instead, he popped open one bottle of beer, followed by the other. It was all he had to offer. Instant noodles and cheap beer. Between trying to keep his fathers store alive, and the debts he owed the landlord, there wasn’t room for luxury in anything. “The way I see it, there’s nothing you can, they're going to say what they want.” People spoke about him, lazy, couldn’t be bothered, lay about who did nothing. It bothered him, yet he would never show it.

“Life’s too short to give a crap about people who don’t care, even if its only a few people that do care, they care, that’s what matters.”

[hirokari]

i'd live for you.

wc: 0.6k words || g: fluff, gn!reader || w: none! || a/n: check out these two asks for context!

Xiaoshi finds your lap oddly comfortable, and he finds it even more endearing that even when he'd mentioned he was clammy and sweaty (especially after having finished up a game of basketball with Luguang), you insisted for him to accompany you on your lap as you finally finished reading the last bit of your thick novel.

He stares up with pursed lips, relishing the way you rest your book on his chest, tapping an odd rhythm and playing with the material of his jacket as you read with eager.

Xiaoshi traces the edge of clouds with a finger pointed up at the sky, taking note of how absurdly fast the world moves when you really look up.

"D'you finish the book?" Asks Xiaoshi as he sets his hand back down to his side. The longer, more annoyed groan you let out again amuses the boy. "What? Was it that bad?" He jests.

There's a sudden groan that you emit, and you bend down to bury your face into the book.

"No," You say. "it was amazing." Your voice is muffled because you're still pressing your face against the pages of the book. Xiaoshi's brow twitches up as he takes the book, leaving your face to mush against his shirt instead.

It's silent for a moment as he reads the few final sentences written.

"Well, how romantic." He coos. "He died for her." Quiet, your cheek slides against his clothes as you face him. Discarding your book, he stares back at you just as intent.

"I find it more romantic if someone lives for you." Sighing, the cement suddenly feels cold against the back of your legs and you sit up, an embarrassed tinge of tint gracing your skin. It grows redder when the boy who rests his head on your lap laughs.

"Oh, Y/N." He chuckles. Red-faced, you pick the book up and shove it into his face, earning more giddy laughs. "Cheng Xiaoshi, please stop laughing." You plead.

"Okay, sorry." Although he does stop his humoring, you know very well he's masking a smile under the book you shove into his face.

"Just how stupid do you have to be to poison yourself? Saying it was enough proof of his love, but he didn't have to legit do it! You wasted a literal lifetime with her just so you could prove you'd die for her. We got the message when you'd fought for her despite the disapproval!" You're suddenly ranting, thrashing your arms here and there. "And she's really crying? Because of his death? You're the one who asked if he'd die for you! What did you expect when you saw the vial in his hand?!"

"I'd live for you, I hope you know that." Xiaoshi's words are sudden and they hit you with such emotion and shock, the breath is knocked out of you-- as if the whole lecture about dying for another didn't strain the air out of you enough-- and you're left to stare at him.

There are no traces of jest or lies behind his eyes. Just an emotion you'd never seen him wear before.

"I..." You trail off. "-I know you would."

Xiaoshi yelps when you poke his side, rolling off your lap to brace himself. Your laugh is uncontainable-- especially after watching his reaction-- and you fold over to clench your stomach.

"That is not fair!" Like a child, he whines and slouches his back. "I just professed my love to you and you harass me?!"

"I'd live for you too, Xiaoshi, calm your tits."

It's ridiculous how fast Xiaoshi's mood can change just by hearing you say his name. You want to smack that little mischievous smile off his face and hug him and tell him that you'd live countless lifetimes for him, because you know he would live more for you.

for the dear anons that sought for x readers for link click <33 i hope this is alright enough for you ;)

m.list

hirokari, 2022

[evcryopeneye]

@pcachlovc​​ time to dive in

“Ah Lu Guang,” his name said as a drawl, dragging it out, tone borderline begging as he attempted to get his own way. Cheng Xiaoshi was determined, when he was focused he could achieve anything, pestering, wearing down their resolve. “Lu Guang.” His name spoken again, as if it would somehow make him more attuned to agree to what he wanted.

“We could order dinner.” Who cared right now if they were strapped for cash, if he had to deal with another pot of instant noodles he was going to crack, “Burgers, how about that?”

[evcryopeneye]

@pcachlovc​​ asked: ‘ why are you crying yourself to sleep? ’ (puts a lu guang into your askbox because....even more pain...whY NOT)

It haunted him. Those moments rolled through him every time he closed his eyes. Beige shirt stained red. Lifeless. The way his hand had hung off the sofa, dangling upon the will of gravity. An image seared onto his mind that Xiaoshi thought he would never be able to escape. He’d spent too long thinking about it this morning and hadn’t been able to shake the thought that he might as well have been the one to commit such an atrocity. Xiaoshi couldn’t help but think a century could pass, and he would still be repeating those moments over and over and over again.

That voice, ever calm, held no malice or accusation and yet, it was too loud. Hands covered his face, like some childish attempt to shield himself off from the world. “I’m sorry.” It’s all he had. What else was he meant to say? Such a simple word, but complex ones would not catch the depth of feeling he had on the situation. “I’m sorry…”

[evcryopeneye]

@indulgentia​​ asked: 📜⠀»⠀Zack @ Xiaoshi

[evcryopeneye]

@pcachlovc​​ asked: ♫ (HURT MY FEELINGS)

Alright - The Subways  Make the great escape. Find a way to make ends meet. Enemies. Well I don’t think they’ll ever sleep. Find our way until we see the light, another day, another chance, and it will be alright. So what you say. What you do is who you are. Say it’s true. Still you loved right from the start. Make a chance and find the reasons why. Another day, another chance, and it will be alright. And I wonder, when we fall down, who do we need? Who we call? It’s alright.

Live Outside (Acoustic) - Enter Shikari I want to live outside, live outside, of all of this. I keep taming, keep training, keep taming the horse but it’s wild, it’s feral and it’s running its course. Patiently madness waits in line in the reception room of my mind. Waiting for the door to be left unattended and waiting for an unwanted guest and it’s so busy I don’t think I’d even notice. I want to live outside, live outside, of all this.

Headspace - Lewis Capaldi  Salt of the earth my friend, it’s all that we are in the end. Well you trapped down all the lines you drew and I can take the hit but I’m sorry I don’t want the bruise. Your voice gets a little loud, when there’s nothing to talk about, you shout dear. I’ll find my lights fading out, more and more by the hour it gets dark in here. If you’ve got time enough for me, sing me a song and send me to sleep. Slip into my headspace while I dream. Spin me a yarn and wrap it up around me.

Little Silver Birds - Hope of the States  It’s pointless, it’s worthless, to deny that you are scared that all the fences, all the walls we build, will never ever fall. I am in love with the chance that we all could do better than we do. The lonely and broken. The people forgotten. Let nobody tell you that your heart is wrong. Send me little silver birds to keep the promise that you made. One hundred thousand tiny lights for all of us who feel the same. All the fences, all the walls we built will one day maybe fall.

Death Dream - Frightened Rabbit  It was dawn. And the kitchen light was still on. I stepped in, found the sucide asleep on the floor. An open mouth, screams and makes no sound, apart from the ring, of the tinnitus of silence you had your ear to the ground. White noise. I don’t know if there’s breathing or not. Butterflied arms tell me that this one has flown. Blood seems black against the skin of your porcelain back. A still life is the last I will see of you, a painting of a panic attack You died in my sleep last night. You died in your sleep last night.

[evcryopeneye]

@pcachlovc​​ asked: something that makes your muse smile. (for xiaoshi bc he desrves it)

Seeing people happy.

Happy people make him happy. He knows for some it’s a rarity. He knows some people don’t have it in their lives. He tries to bring a little happy into peoples lives, especially his friends. Xiaoshi wants nothing more than to see them smile, there’s little in the world in terms of possessions that bring him joy. He’s never had much. He’s never been able to afford much. Having money doesn’t bring him particular joy either. They’ve never had much of that either. The only thing that’s worth while, is people being happy, even Qiao Ling he enjoys seeing her happy - even if he wont tell her that.

[necrosin]

        his eyes stray to the clock as the hour hand finally ticks over to its new place, transient and ever moving, steadily afloat, and the second hand continues moving, untiring. exhaustion is heavy against his eyes, weighted and draining, head throbbing with the tangle of infinitely finite timelines becoming ever more chaotic with each passing moment. and another, and another, and at last ———

        and at last, cheng xiaoshi returns as the second hand hits 34 and continues on, uncaring of what comes to pass, unfeeling to the emotions that settle in this room. lu guang looks to cheng xiaoshi immediately, eyes forever drawn inexorably to him, unavoidably, yet it feels akin to a gravitational pull whenever he returns from the past, right back to where they had stood, or sat, knees bumping as their hands touched. he exhales, quietly, and rests back against the couch cushions / tension draining from his body / as he nods towards the boba on the table.   ❝   good job,   ❞   he means it, too, because cheng xiaoshi always does his work, always does a good job, even when it causes an undue amount of stress to lu guang’s sensibilities.   ❝   welcome back,   ❞   i missed you / i’m relieved / sometimes it’s disorienting, to shift from metaphysical closeness to the physical.

@tomoge, for cheng xiaoshi !! starter call.

[necrosin]

knowing like breathing —— like the familiar beat of his heart, like the familiar thrum of cheng xiaoshi's, knowing and hoping and thus acting : this nagging want to be witness. lu guang does and doesn't blame himself / it's complicated the way that most things are / when he's able to foresee and knows he must keep things from cheng xiaoshi and simply hope that he can convince him to exit in time, before bad things can happen —— and oftentimes, more often than not, abjectly failing at that. this is the consequence of that / action-reaction.

action : cheng xiaoshi reaching out. reaction : lu guang taking his hand, an automatic thing, like the beat of his heart, like the flutter of a butterfly's wings. he steps closer, reaching for cheng xiaoshi's face, thumb brushing against his damp cheek ( an attempt at gentleness ), fingers twitching just so at the ticklish touch of dark curls. ❝ cheng xiaoshi, ❞ a warm palm against his, their fingers tangling. ❝ don't hide from me. ❞

The plan is to retreat to the bathroom before Lu Guang hits the lights. It isn’t that Cheng Xiaoshi’s ashamed of his tears (he isn’t, has never been, even when he was admonished for it, his masculinity picked and prodded at at an age when it really shouldn’t have been) or that he wants to hide from Lu Guang (never, never from him), but the- the look Lu Guang gets in his eyes sometimes, akin to guilt—suspiciously close—when he sees the remnant streaks of grief on Cheng Xiaoshi’s cheeks worries him. That he’s the cause of it (however inadvertently) does something more. 

Lu Guang is quick with the light, of course, out from under his sheets and scaling the ladder in record time, and the swiftness of it would make Cheng Xiaoshi laugh, probably, if he wasn’t still shaking off the vestiges of another. Lu Guang searches his face in that way of his—where he looks directly at you, drills into you, but his expression never falters—and Cheng Xiaoshi doesn’t bother attempting to wipe at his eyes. “That’s a reach, Lu Guang. Try again?” Slowly, he extends his hand, fingers outstretched.

[necrosin]

❝ okay,❞ an automatic response, given without thought / it puts him in mind of trying to calm a frantic animal or perhaps a fearful child —— qiao ling says he speaks to cheng xiaoshi like a child, sometimes, but he doesn't quite ( ... ) understand what she's getting at. he hears cheng xiaoshi shuffle and sit up and he sits up, too, an automatic response / pushes himself to the ladder and then down without a word, agreeable and not at all tired, hitting the switch with practiced ease. for a moment he almost hesitates before turning around again, but : he'll always turn to cheng xiaoshi, always. turn to and gravitate to, an inexorable thing, unavoidable and absolute, helpless as a moth to flame. ❝ cheng xiaoshi, ❞ the floor is hard and cold beneath his knees / cheng xiaoshi's hands are warm in his ( he's always run cooler, colder, hands pale and almost frigid ) ❝ you'll get a cold, ❞ how nonsensical, really.

The answer comes before he can reason it, a cornered animal baring teeth: “No.” His hands ball into fists on his thighs, and- and suddenly he can’t take the darkness—the darkness that seems to permeate, can’t stomach the stretching shadows, gaze seeking certainty in the hazy outlines of furniture that never gets moved around— “No.” Cheng Xiaoshi throws his legs over the edge of his bed and slips out, bare feet on the cold floor. The abrupt change in temperature helps, but not enough. He needs something, but he can’t take even a moment to try to decipher what, precisely, it is that he’s looking for. “Can—” he swallows, thick in his throat, “can you hit the lights? I’ll be a sec. Bathroom.”

[necrosin]

❝ no, ❞ voice measured / clam / steady, what cheng xiaoshi needs is steadiness in the midst of a storm, the picture of stillness, a careful hand. he's not given to displays of emotion otherwise ( in the absence of cheng xiaoshi, if he's to be honest with himself ) but he's not especially adept at being soothing / rather poor at it, in fact, but that is something that they both know, surely. ❝ i was ( ... ) ❞ thinking, pondering, brooding. palms smooth over sheets for a moment. ❝ do you want to talk about it? ❞ perhaps he shouldn't ask. what comfort could he provide? he has only cold reality to offer.

He runs his palms across the soft cotton of his sweatpants / a grounding technique, the only one he’s managed to cement into habit / and feels… above all, the persisting sting of acid at the back of his throat. “Lu Guang,” he repeats, mostly to steady himself, to assure that he’s where he’s supposed to be. In a sea of uncertainties and displaced memories, Lu Guang is the one and only constant. (It never used to be like this— this bad. He knows it was just a bad dream, just another one to add to the count, but the vividness has become so hard to shake.) “I’m, uh—” a staggered, clipped breath— “n-nightmare. Did—” he swallows, blinking the moisture away— “did I wake you up?”