#& i forget it exists a lot so sorry about that. i’m more active on ig tho :)

[dovesick]

(their most precious possession) moxie’s memory bag was given to him by the memory seller, and made with dark magic. it’s a very rare item that he covets. after filling the bag with memories from sleeping travellers at the hostel, he ventures to the black market.

[wonwoonlight]

my daisy / chapter 3 | kim mingyu

➝ CEO!Mingyu x Secretary!Reader

➝ strangers to lovers // single dad!Mingyu // fluff // lighthearted // non idol!au // like pls dont expect any dramas here lol // tiny bit of angst ig

➝ series warning: mentions of sex, no smut but there's implied sexual activities, insecurity (as always jshbdjhsfshbf am sorry), curses, food, let me know if theres more ^^

➝ word count: 3.5k

➝ A/N: so their story finally begins hohoho just wanna say pls dont hesitate to share your thoughts with me on ask or anywhere!!! am always happy to hear what you think of whats happening or whats going to happen <3 enjoy!

when your cousin asks you to be her substitute at SVT Inc. as she takes her maternity leave, you're pretty sure this wasn't what you signed up for.

series masterlist

When Monday comes, you honestly just want to bang your head against the wall. You’re not sure what’s gotten into you since that Friday night you had dinner with Jennie, Seungkwan, and Mingyu, but you’ve been acting like a brokenhearted high schooler over the weekend.

What is wrong with you, honestly? Did you really think you had a chance with Kim Mingyu just because you slept with him once? When the two of you were drunk off your mind?

Gyuri’s name rings again in your mind, as if reminding you that you shouldn’t forget about her existence and throw whatever feeling you have for Mingyu out of the window. You don’t even know if you have feelings for said guy, but you’d just be downright lying if you say you’re not attracted to him.

Your mind wanders to the fact that he had slept with you when this Gyuri person exists. You frown at the thought, maybe Mingyu isn’t as good as you expect him to be. Inside, you feel bad for having slept with someone’s who’s possibly in a relationship even though you literally had no idea (still don’t, to be honest).

You sigh as you enter the SVT Inc. building, smiling at the security guard on the main door. You’ve just sat down on your desk when you realize you probably can’t get through the morning without coffee and a little bit of sugar like this. Mingyu’s already in, you notice, even though it’s Monday and he’s usually not in the office yet at 8 in the morning on Monday.

You glance to Seungkwan, the guy looks much too sleepy for his own good and you’re pretty sure he’s in a worse condition than you are.

“I’m gonna go down again to get coffee,” you say, and Seungkwan immediately turns to you as if you’re a goddess that has just arrived in time for salvation. You tell him to text his order just in case you forgot, and the guy sends you a bunch of kneeling emojis afterwards because ‘what would I do without you, queen’.

You immediately walk to the café once you get out of the elevator, saying hi to the receptionist as you pass by. It isa blessing that your company has a café within the building, really. Walking out just to buy a coffee from a café a block away currently feels a lot more of a hassle than it actually is.

When you’re about to line up on the short queue, you notice a little kid in a bear hoodie standing near the pastry stand. You look around to see if the parents are nearby, but the ground floor of your building has always been rather empty except for the guards, people getting beverages, or people making their way straight to the elevator.

“Hello,” you say as softly as possible, praying that you wouldn’t come off threatening. “Are you lost?”

The kid turns to you cutely, and there’s just something so familiar about her that you can’t quite put together. She blinks up at you, as if taking her time to consider if you’re to be trusted.

“Want this,” she points at the sprinkled donut through the glass counter. You immediately melt at this and tell her to wait as you get her some, taking her by the hand to line with you.

“What’s your name?” you try to ask, maybe you can ask the receptionist to help you make an announcement or something. “Where’s your mom?”

“Lili,” she mumbles, little hand gripping yours. “Mom… Lili doesn’t know.”

Your heart drops at her words. She can’t possibly be… abandoned, right? Why would someone abandon a kid in a company building, though? You shake your head before your thoughts get crazier, telling Lili you’ll accompany her for a little while before you need to go back.

“Yay! Miss very kind,” she happily exclaims, swinging your hand back and forth sloppily. “Want donuts!”

“Does Lili want to drink?”

“Chocolate, please,” she says politely, looking at you with eyes full of innocence. Gosh, you just want to squish her cheeks if you could. But Lili (and her parents, wherever they’re at) probably wouldn’t appreciate it, so you settle for a suppressed squeal instead.

After the cashier tells you your drinks would be ready in a while, you sit down on one of the tables with Lili as the girl happily eats her donut. You rest your face in your palm as you watch the girl with content, how can she be this cute, really?

“How did Lili come here?” you ask, and she answers something that you can’t quite understand because she’s stuffing her small face with the sugary treat. You’re pretty sure you hear the word ‘car’ and ‘papa’ though. Does her dad work here?

“How come Lili is alone, then?”

You don’t get the chance to hear her answer as you see Mingyu hurriedly stepping out of the elevator from the corner of your vision, his face is stricken with panic and you’re about to approach him and ask if something happened when his long strides have already brought him to where you’re at. He sighs in relief once he’s in front of you, there’s a guilty-looking woman behind him and you wonder what on earth is going on until Mingyu turns to Lili.

“Kim Gyuri! I told you not to wander off without telling Jooyeon!”

Lili blinks up at him innocently, not caring that this man who’s towering over her (and you) is scolding her out of concern.

“Sorry, Papa. Lili want donuts,” she holds up the donut as if to convince him and then points at you. “Miss very kind! Miss get Lili donut!”

It is only then that Mingyu turns to you, only now realizing you’ve been there the whole time. Your gaze locks with his for what feels like eternity, mouth slightly ajar because it finally clicks to you why she looks familiar: she’s that kid in that picture Jisoo shows you of Seungcheol and Mingyu.

“Thank you,” Mingyu starts as he rubs his temple. “For taking care of Gyuri. She wanders off without saying sometimes, the security and receptionists probably didn’t recognize her because I rarely brought her to the office.”

You simply nod from the chair across him, unsure what to say. Li—Gyuri… is his daughter? You try to wrap your mind around the whole thing, and you guess her mom is out of the case because she did say she doesn’t know where her mom is. Is Mingyu divorced?

“I, uh, I have to finish the report from yesterday’s meeting, Sir,” you stand up, suddenly feeling extremely awkward in his office. Gyuri has left earlier, telling you she likes you and she wants to play again sometimes. Jooyeon, the family maid who mostly takes care of Gyuri now (apparently she has been working for the Kims since Mingyu himself was still in school), has thanked you too for being kind to the kid. “If you’ll excuse me.”

Mingyu seems like he has something more to say, but he nods anyway and tells you you’re free to go. You fail to notice the way his eyes follow your figure even through the glass until you’re settled down on your desk. He sees you exhale what he assumes to be a deep breath, and you repeat this a few times before you eventually turn to your computer.

He quickly looks away when your eyes find his, afraid that you’ll find out he’s been staring at you. At least you and Gyuri seem to like each other.

“So, is there any reason why none of you told me the boss literally has a whole kid?” you ask Seungkwan the moment you sit down together for lunch in a restaurant nearby, making a mental note to confront Jennie about this later when you visit her.

“We didn’t think it was important?” Seungkwan says unsurely, but immediately gives in once you give him an unimpressed look. “’Kay, we really didn’t think you would have anything to do with her, to be honest. Mingyu rarely brings little Gyuri to the office, plus your current contract is only for six months hence we thought you wouldn’t even meet her.”

In the back of your mind, you conclude: they’re hiding Gyuri from people they don’t deem necessary. In a world where Mingyu is considered a big shot, you think it’s normal if he doesn’t want her in the public’s eyes at such a young age. But your mind reminds you of the non-existence of her mother and you wonder if that’s another reason to hide her.

“You probably have questions, but it’s not really my place to tell you,” he says honestly. “And I don’t know a lot even though I’ve been working here for two years. I think you’ve figured out this much, but, yeah, Mingyu’s a single father, I don’t know what exactly happened to the mom, and that’s probably the most I can tell you.”

“It’s fine,” you sigh, though deep down you’re beating yourself up over the relief that washed over you when it clicked that ‘Gyuri’ is not… his partner. You’re pretty sure you’re worrying about the wrong thing there. “I’m not… really curious about those things. Just didn’t expect Mingyu to be a father already.”

“You can still shoot your shot, though.”

“Boo Seungkwan!”

“What! I’m not stupid enough not to notice you staring at him every now and then,” he wiggles his eyebrows annoyingly, earning a smack on the shoulder from you. “Jennie didn’t notice though, trust me. Your little crush is safe with me.”

“I don’t have a crush on Kim Mingyu!” you say defensively, scoffing incredulously at the (not so) baseless statement. “Plus, he has a kid and he’s probably not looking for a new relationship.”

You lower your voice before muttering under your breath. “He’d probably have one already if he is.”

But Seungkwan catches your words and sends you that teasing grin that almost makes you choke him right there and then. “You’re saying he’s hot, then.”

“I—how on earth did my words translate to that?!”

“Well, you’re basically implying he can have anyone if he wants,” he shrugs nonchalantly, thanking the waiter who’s just finished placing food on your table. “And that includes you.”

You shake your head at his words, digging into your lunch as Seungkwan continues to yap about Mingyu. No one can convince you that Boo Seungkwan isn’t insane.

The blind on Mingyu’s glass wall has been closed since a few hours ago, because Mingyu is honestly stressed and he’d rather no one—you—sees him like this. He’s pretty sure it’s past working hours now and he’s proven right when he glances at the clock in his monitor that says: 19:47. Everyone’s supposed to clock off by 5PM.

Mingyu stretches in his seat before he gets up and repeat. He can hear his bones cracking and he really just wants to go home then cuddle Gyuri for a goodnight sleep. But there’s an important BOD meeting coming up and he’s sure he won’t be able to sleep soundly—even with his little angel in his arms—if he doesn’t finish this particular report.

Maybe a coffee would do.

When he finally opens the door of his office, he didn’t expect he’d see you face down on your desk. He blinks at the sight, turning to find Seungkwan’s desk already empty and so are the other cubicles.

“Why are you still here?” he softly asks, jumping a little when you scream at his sudden presence.

“Why are YOU still here?” you ask back without thinking, a hand on your chest as if to calm down your heartbeat.

“I’m… finishing a report for the BOD meeting?” your boss answers hesitantly, not quite used to being in this kind of situation.

When what has just happened is finally registered in your mind, you immediately straighten your posture before you answer his question. “Oh, right. Yes, me too.”

Mingyu unexpectedly chuckles at your disoriented state, a soft smile on his face before he asks again. “Are you going to continue or are you going home already?”

You bite your lip as you glance at your monitor. If it’s up to you, you’d already be on your way home since three hours ago. But this particular report is bothering you and you’re feeling extra productive so you thought you might as well work overtime to finish this. You know this productivity wouldn’t come back to you anytime soon if you don’t make use of it right away.

“I’m so close to finishing this so maybe I’d stay for a little more,” you say at last, and Mingyu simply nods before answering.

“You want to get coffee?”

You blink owlishly at him, as if uncertain he’s talking to you even though there’s literally no one but you and him on this floor. But you eventually nod your head, taking your phone with you before you trail behind Mingyu to follow his step.

Your heart just has to act up to the point where you’re sure Mingyu can hear it drumming from where he’s at.

You and Mingyu walk side by side as you make your way back, holding a warm cup of coffee from the café nearby because the usual café in your building is closed already.

“How… is Li—Gyuri?” you try to make small talk to fill the silence, your heart warming more because of the smile that blooms in his face at the mention of his daughter than the beverage in your hand.

“You can call her Lili, it’s okay,” he reassures you. “That’s what my mom calls her and she’s always liked the name. Also, she’s fine, would probably be grumpy later because she hates it when I work overtime, but she’ll be okay after some ice cream.”

“Ah, bribery,” you jokingly exclaim as you take a sip of your coffee. “She seems like a very sweet child. Is she… not scared of strangers?”

“Not really, unfortunately,” he sighs, and you can’t help but notice the fond smile on his face doesn’t falter even though his eyebrows are slightly furrowed. Is Mingyu is ever not handsome? “Which is why I was really worried when Jooyeon said she’s lost sight of her even though she’s in the building. You never know what could happen nowadays.”

This is the most you’ve ever spoken to Mingyu, you realize. And this is probably prompted because Mingyu’s a little too stressed from work and he needs someone to talk to that can just… distract him even only for a short moment. So you continue to talk about Gyuri until you’ve made it back to the 5th floor, the security guard greets you both at the front, making a joke about how the boss should go home already so you can clock off, too.

Mingyu nods at you before he makes his way back to his office, though you see that he’s opened the blind for some reason. You send him a confused smile when he catches your eyes through the glass partitions, which he returns easily before he goes back to doing his report and so do you with a racing heart because of the random interaction.

An hour and a half later, when Mingyu drops you off in front of your place, because he’s about to go home when he notices you tidying up your desk and offers to take you home, you stiffly bow at him and his chauffeur in gratitude. There’s something tingling inside you that you’re trying to suppress and you’re pretty sure your lip would bleed if you bite it down any harder.

You don’t know if you’re imagining the shy smile on his face when he says he’ll see you tomorrow.

Admittedly, you’ve gotten more comfortable with Mingyu after that. The awkwardness between the two of you has lessened even though it’s still there, most likely due to the memory from all those nights ago.

It’s embarrassing to say that your breath would sometimes hitch when Mingyu is a little too close, even if it’s just for a second when he passes by. And it’s more than embarrassing to say that your heart would flutter when he’s being even remotely considerate.

Gosh, maybe you are way lonelier than you thought you were.

This is a man you barely know—with a kid, at that. Even if you somehow have a chance with him, you’re going to get into a much deeper commitment than you would a regular relationship. All that as if the fact that he’s literally a young (dashing) CEO from a rich family isn’t intimidating enough already.

You huff at the thought, swirling your spoond around your cereal as your mind takes you deeper about your—you hate to use Seungkwan’s word but—crush towards the guy. To make things worse, your mind would sometimes wander to that one night you spent with Mingyu. You don’t even remember a lot, just that the time was heavenly and you can even sometimes feel the ghost of his fingertips on your skin.

It’s been at least a month, you remind yourself to get a grip as your face gets warm once again. Right at the moment, your phone rings and you jump at ‘SVT Kim Mingyu’ on your screen. You exhale once before taking the call, what could Mingyu possibly need from you at 7 in the morning?

“Hello,” he greets you with a hushed voice, tone clear with guilt. “Sorry to call you so early in the morning. But, do I have important meetings today? I don’t think I can go to the office. Gyuri’s down with a high fever.”

Your heart tightens at the thought of his daughter, and you quickly tell him you’ll crosscheck his and your agenda to make sure. From the other side, Mingyu hums worriedly as you faintly hear Gyuri’s whine.

“There’s… actually one urgent meeting, Sir,” you explain, telling him that the rest of the meetings can be rearranged except for this one. “But I can ask them to change this into an online meeting if you can’t attend in person.”

“That would be ideal,” Mingyu sighs, his head throbbing a little from the thought of going to the office for one meeting when Gyuri is sick. The girl is rarely sick, to Mingyu’s luck, but when she does, it gets very concerning for everyone and especially him. “What time is it supposed to be?”

“At 1, Sir. I will immediately inform them about the change and arrange the meeting link,” you tell him as you busily type on your laptop. “Also, there’s an important document you need to sign today. Should I send it to your address, Sir?”

Mingyu’s silent for a while, as if contemplating something though you’re not sure what is there to contemplate about your question.

“This is… the meeting with JS Corp’s CEO, right?” at your ‘yes’, Mingyu huffs a little. “There’s actually a file I need for this meeting and it’s in my office. Would it be okay if you come here instead to deliver it and the document? You may go home once the meeting is over.”

You blink owlishly at his words, your heartbeat picks up like there’s no tomorrow even though this literally means nothing. Why would your heart flutter when your boss is making you do extra work?

“I will send Mr. Lee to get you so he can take you to the office and to my place, would that be okay?” Mingyu says again, guessing that you’re not answering because you’re thinking about transportations. Why would you be thinking about transportations when Kim Mingyu has just asked you to come to his place?!

You snap out of it, though, telling him that it’d be no problem and you should be fine taking the bus to work like usual and he could just send you his address. But he insists and says that he’s already told Mr. Lee to pick you up (which is a lie, because you definitely didn’t hear him talk to anyone), so you give in as you tell him you’d just quickly run things over with Seungkwan in the office and take whatever’s needed and then immediately get to his place.

“Gyuri says hi, by the way,” Mingyu says softly, and your heart melts at the picture your head conjures of Mingyu and his daughter side by side, his palm probably stroking her head in comfort. “See you?”

You have to hold back a squeal before you manage to answer and hang up the phone.

You flop down to the table for a few minutes to hide your face, trying to calm down your heart and mind from the call. There’s a smile stubbornly trying to bloom on your face, and your cheeks hurt from trying to hold it back even though no one would see—or even know—you grinning like an idiot just because of a phone call.

What a way to start your day.

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved.

taglist: @yslshua @penny-quinn @nollixtrml @dnylwoo @itsveronicaxxx @john-and-paul @wheeinz @rjsmochii @w0nuuu @boowanie @n6body @imtotallydef @wwssi @bythe8 @cheolright @coupsiekkuma @hoe4wonwoo @kyeomjjigae @jh-fn @clairdelunesstuff @yoongischeeksluv @onlyforwonhui @janandbeyond @treasure-hwa @teddy-cheol @tito-jun @projectjuvia @notscoupy

A/N: am sorry but some accs can't be mentioned for some reason D:

[tonyglowheart]

This entire thing is a rant, feel free to ignore it, but I saw your post about how destiel fans can’t win in this context, and yeah. So have some rambles.

I’ve been thinking about the fact we (current spn/destiel fans) can’t win all night... I’ve seen so many people talking about how homophobic it is - and while I would very much like to argue, as every point I’ve seen made by a non-spn fan has been wrong so far, if I did everyone inside the fandom would agree and everyone outside would either call me straight or pity me for believing it’s okay.

(Cas wasn’t even sent to hell lmao. He was sent to angel death (the empty), a place he has escaped in the past. Other points, like that meta about spn has been predicting exactly this for months, that Dean ended up sobbing on the floor because he was so upset, like that death means next to nothing on spn, like that there is two episodes left, etc etc. you feel me right? I just don’t want to post wank to other spn blogs atm, we’re getting enough frustration as it is, no need to add to it.

It’s also worth pointing out that the bar is very, very low. Spn is a prominent TV show - not a Netflix show, or indie, or whatever - and it just said “main character in gay love saved the world”. [insert gif of ghostfacers dude saying that gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day here]

I just saw someone saying that spn having Naomi try to brainwash Cas out of loving dean makes spn homophobic (it is a conversion therapy parallel). My first response to that is that Naomi was the villain lmao? I guess we can’t write villains doing anything homophobic because having villains do homophobic things makes, uh - checks notes - villains look homophobic, and clearly we can’t have that.

There certainly are legitimate things to criticise spn about, but this isn’t it lol.

Also now some people are unironically trying to cancel Jensen because “his acting was homophobic, and so he’s clearly homophobic”, nevermind that he’s an actor and his character struggles with understanding his emotions (which I think he played excellently, myself. That scene had a very Dean delayed emotional response), nevermind the support he’s given to us queers in the past. Like. Idek man.

We would have been laughed at if we got no destiel, too.

It would have been worse, had the writers pulled a dumbledore. At this point I also trust the writers not to pull a GoT - they have explicitly criticised that ending in spn’s canon.

Spn’s writers did that by making the main villain of this season, Chuck / God, say GoT had a good ending. To reiterate a previous point I had: villains do bad things because they’re bad. And the bad things they do make them bad. For the people out there not still following, if someone does something in a story and it makes them a villain, that is explicitly telling you the story (and probably the writers) thinks that thing is bad. In this case, Chuck likes to write things for him, and we the audience have been shown and told that is bad.

Apparently thinking a gay confession is good in 2020 makes me straight. Seems unlikely, but whatever. Sorry for the length, I guess I went overboard, I’ve been holding it in lol. Anyway, DESTIEL IS CANON 💚💙 hope you have a good night

Helloo supernatural anon I hope you are living your best life right now. Yeah I’m like..... skeptical and leery myself but having lived through some absolute garbage discourse that is general purity wank, as well as the C/QL greater fandom here and on Twitter I find myself... much more wanting to question the “general wisdom” of things esp in terms of negativity, bc a lot of the time I find.... it’s wrong? Like so wrong. Or at least presents such an incomplete picture of the whole situation and also presents it in such a removed context that words that have meaning and are operationalized in a certain way for a reason, no longer have meaningful usage.

Anyway I don’t... know too much about the specifics of Spn but someone I follow is into it and talks a lot about the Gnostic stuff and that all was very fascinating to me, and I also have been grappling a lot with cultural Christianity bc of cmedia and the way ppl just *clenches fist* unthinkingly or uncritically slap some Christian norms on it and call it a day 😩 help I’m Tired. My thing here being... I actually got tired of the uncritical “superhell”s at some pt bc I am, in fact, incredibly exhausted with cultural Christianity, and because it does seem like, even possibly(?) without the Gnostic stuff it’s different from a “hell” or other Protestant-derived afterlife concept, and also yeah that it wasn’t seeded out of nowhere, it was set up to happen, which then... lends credence to the idea that whatever the current era of Spn is doing, the current showrunners are doing it with purpose.

And idk I just... refuse to believe the concept that ALL of the fans of Spn - esp the ones who have been following it still, or got back into it and are following it currently, are acting under delusion or are fooling themselves into liking it or thinking it’s good or whatever. I personally find that kinda infantilizing and patronizing and playing into issues of dismissing things women and/or other marginalized identities like.

Plus I find the concept that (from what I think I’ve been seeing Spn fans say) that the current era of the show is quite actively grappling with itself, its past, its legacy. to be very interesting and compelling; it hearkens back to like an old lore kind of feeling, of a thing that has grown into a nigh undefeatable monster and realizing that, also realizing that the only way to defeat itself is through grappling with its own nature and transforming and transmuting itself into something else. I personally find that more plausible and compelling than “Supernatural has been actively and continuously queerbaiting for 15 homophobic homophobic years., so right now we’re all very sorry for you because this maybe is no longer queerbaiting but it’s still homophobic and it can never be anything different ever.” I’ve been sort of tangentially aware of Spn thru the years and didn’t we agree, around the time of that in-universe play about Spn and with the lil Destiel shoutout, that Spn has come a ways as far as coming to terms with its fandom and working to treat its fans better? Why the sudden regression into “oh no, Supernatural is and forever will be homophobic and a hate crime”? 🤔 

The rest under a cut bc the ask is already long and then my rambling will get longer-

But yeah I mean..... I get that the legacy of Supernatural has been certifiably Rough, but I think people also forget how different of a time 2005 was? Hell, how different of a time 2015 was, even, prior to, say, Obergefell v. Hodges. Now I’m not saying that to blanket-excuse Supernatural, but like, you look at mainstream shows from the era and... there’s a lot of shit lmao. The fact that Supernatural has existed this long seems to me like.... maybe we CAN look at how it’s developed through the years vs just insisting it is what it was 15, 10, hell, 5 years ago. Especially since, to my knowledge, there’s been showrunner changes? Which seems to me like it would... affect things? I mean honestly, I remember back when I got into Spn for a hot second because of Castiel, I remember watching panel, Q&A, etc vids thru the years, and like... I thought we agreed that... it was the fans who were going a bit far pushing the shipping question like literally ALL the time to the actors, who are not in control of the show and.... like at the time.... that could have had personal implications for them? And yes homophobia bad, and people can still be allies despite that, but again like.... I do feel like - from what I’ve seen - that these guys were NOT ready to deal with a lot of that but they’ve (okay Jensen I’m talking about Jensen here) genuinely grown and learned? Also how many years ago was the essay autograph thing that people keep trotting out, like what year was it in and what year of spn was it, and what were the prevailing opinions on LGBT issues and bisexuality then.

I’ve been seeing some murmurings of identity politicsing surrounding ppl who enjoy Supernatural, and I’m sorry that that’s happening to you, it really fucking sucks and it’s also the dumbest way to “make” or “win” an argument because it shouldn’t ever be a final determiner, just factors to consider when considering what life experiences might have informed someone else’s PoV and views as well as maybe how you can better communicate with them. Instead of it being a “weapon” or “tool” to either dismiss someone or de facto validate an argument.

Also yeah I get it that you don’t want to send discourse to spn blogs bc I imagine you guys ARE actively grappling with all the bs rn and it’s a lot. Even just from like, the stuff I see around, I’m like tired of it. I’m genuinely having more fun with ppl who are having a good time with Supernatural than the ppl who are hating on it, even in this sort of backhanded “oh we’re not clowning YOU we’re clowning the writers and showrunners who think you should be satisfied with this,” when... yeah? the people who HAVE been watching the show and therefore... know what’s up.. DO seem to be? And all this based on *fake gasp* context. And that’s where the backhandedness becomes kind of poisonous to me, because it implies that it IS bad, and that you SHOULDN’T be satisfied, but poor little you are but don’t worry, we’re not making fun of YOU for liking garbage, you’re just the hapless victim who is consuming the garbage bc... idk, whatever reasons ppl are coming up with ig.

idk man it’s 2020. Fandom isn’t activism, performative or otherwise, it’s okay to let people enjoy things even if you think they’re “objectively” bad, and like... I don’t know if people can call something bad when they’re not even working with the whole context and instead are dealing with rumor and reputation. 

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE FOUR

“ ‘something will be unleashed’ are u gonna start KILLING PEOPLE??” - saira

HOH: Nick UPSIDE DOWN: Emma & Kiki NOMINEES: Monty & Saira POV: Jev FINAL NOMINEES: Monty & Saira EVICTED: Saira (1-0)

JOSH C

well, we just voted out GINA and i'm feeling some kind of way about it. i feel like the push to save emma was VERY quick and i think there are a lot of alliances going on that i'm not involved in which is FINE but it's just something i need to watch out for. i know i talk with almost everyone constantly so i think i'll be okay for this week, but i'm just worried about the people that i enjoy.

a lot of people have said they don't talk to saira or brianna so i wouldn't be shocked to see them both go up, which is FINE i guess but i enjoy both. i don't want saira to leave at all but i don't think she has as GOOD of a social standing as brianna does. which is worrisome because i know this is her first game so she doesn't have any pre-existing relationships to save her which is.. not ideal.

i'm finding things a BIT frustrating because i have to navigate not ONLY game thoughts but people's pre-game relationships. not that i'm knocking anyone for them but almost everyone i've talked to says they don't talk to monty but they wouldn't want to see him nominated. i just don't FULLY understand why we can't nominate him but they're friends with him so he's a bit UNTOUCHABLE. i might push it anyways because he's the only person i don't really talk to anymore. WHO KNOWS.

i've felt like a deflated balloon for most of today so maybe i'll just go with the flow on this but i need to make sure i'm not just voting out all the people who will be votes for me later on. 

ARIA

Im small, bitter, and very angry...but spite is the best motivator and im going to use it to win this season. Anyways i miss saira im SICK of trusting nicks, i see a nick i FLOOR IT!!! I refuse to have a nick fuck me over in a game again i am so over it. But hehe anyways lets get into the info spilling section real fast and then i can analyze because my position has drastically changed from last time-

also sorry for repeated info but sometimes i forget things or people say it again so..

-nathan leaked "all" his alliances to me (Screensht is cut weird i think theres one he cut off)

-Jacob found out my gina connection

-perfect voting record is dead (told jacob i voted out gina tho idk why hehe)

-kiki-joey connection 

-emma knows about bri's backups because jake leaked it to her before he left

-josh c IS EVERYWHERE

-nick says they havent talked to bri

-nick likes jev

-nick wants (more so wants others) to take a shot at kiki/nash

-nick said nathan is a wildcard 

-joshua nommed monty and nash

-STOP UNDERESTIMATING JOSHUA

-told josha jacob is protecting him

-joey exposed saira's deal to me and bri

-joey wants a larger alliance

-bri said they like nick,,,but that conflicts earlier info so im thinking peer pressure or just bri is too sweet for this cast and i adore her-

-bri told nathan her noms

-nathan hates bri and for wHAT??

-jacob has a dpov and used it to cement a f2,, AND DID THE SAME THING WITH BRI FFS 

-jacob scared of nick and jev

-kiki and nash tell everything to jacob

-jacob said emma and joey have a connection??

-jacob thinks nick is gonna join the emma jev joey side (his words)

-jacob thinks monty is a threat

-jacob ranked the players in tiers as follows: 

A kiki jev bri

B joey joshua nathan

d: nash saira monty

-bri talks a lot with kiki and josh c

-told bri about the trio between jacob kiki and nash

-joey told me yesterday he wants to win,,,but then just said to take him out

-planting seeds against joey to bri

-jacob wants to bring dpov up with alliance at f10

-joshua and jacob were shook saira was evicted

-told jacob that joey asked to throw

-jev and jacob are getting closish

-jacob is so threaten by nick

-jacob told bri that nathan doesnt like her

-

and thats where im at currently. Lots of options and lots of interconnections I have to navigate but i think im gonna be fine for the time being which makes it super easy to just be complacent and float my way to jury BUT!!! I want to try setting myself up well where i dont get clocked at f9/10 and wabam im out. Im trying to set people against each other subtly but honestly i think im overestimating myself here but at least i know im safe. I mean for now im trying to set up this side of jev emma joshua to at least form together as a group but im STRUGGLING i might just have to settle for them keeping each other safe without a solid alliance ig. At the same time I think i really have two actives pieces of info im working with which is emma knowing about bri's backups and then me and bri knowing about jacob's dpov.

So i think what I want to happen is that Jacob wants to dpov nick out at f10 so i'll let that happen probably which puts a huge target on jacobs back, idk if its anon but if it is ill make sure bri leaks it kinda framing it in a "if you leak it and i pretend to not know i can analyze how other people respond so we'll know what everyone thinks" and once jacob leaves emma can leak the bri's angels (which should be weaker at this point since jacob is the glue that holds it together a bit) which #1 makes a bunch of good players house targets and then forces those people to solidly stick together as well. Not sure how im gonna play both sides but,,,,if i can play it off kinda like i did in pasio somehow maybe i'll be fine but who knows. Either way im here to have fun (and hopefully win for gina/saira)

WELL WELL!!! just did a vc with jacob, he decided to take matters into his own hands and be totally cracked and now thinks nick/monty/nathan are a side,,,,which,,,,idk yall nathan did show me all of his alliances and none of them were that but who am i to stop jacob from making himself a target by leading this charge against them uwu. I do need to be more proactive about leaking tho but im not sure how im gonna work that. Also im not sure if i want nick/monty/nathan all gone, i can live with monty gone bc they probably think i nommed them and might want revenge but also nick and nathan are kinda cute numbers for me,,, 

I mean idk because at this point i have a game relationship with mostly everyone left in this game and im just not sure which path i need to take to get to the end yet and its kindaaa stressing me out a little bit. I can feel myself starting to drop in peoples trust rankings a little bit and god its kinda annoying how jacob has this game wrapped around his finger, however i dont need to be in a dominant position this entire game i believe in myself!! I got this easy peasy!!! 

JEV

My reverse psychology paid off and I won the veto so I'm loving that for me, I'm not going to be using it because I'd preferably like to see Monty leave because I just... never see them and I think Saira is much more deserving of her place here than Monty is. It's frustrating that Monty is cruising through this game so easily because we haven't spoken to eachother since day one, and they haven't even bothered to come and speak to me to campaign for me to use the veto. Like, do you want to be here or not?

Thinking about it more, I'm super happy I won the power of veto. I managed to ensure myself and those I'm closest to in this game weren't going to be named as renom and kept Monty up there as a final nom, which I'm worried otherwise wouldn't happen during this game since people seem either threatened by Monty OR a little over-eager to keep him around in this game, which annoys me but whatever. I just hope whoever wins HOH has the balls to make the right decision, better to get him gone now rather than later.

JEV

So I think I've had a little bit of a brainwave/breakthrough. This is gonna be longwinded so hear me out.

Apparently from what I've heard, the nominations this week were revealed in order of who recieved the least to the most nominations from every

one. This is extremely interesting to me, as I've taken note that Nick, Aria, Jacob & Brianna were 10th-8th in the rankings of votes respectively.

First of all, I haven't made secret that I think something is going on with the Pasio alumni. This was highlighted when I was asking around for what people were doing for nominees, and from everyone I heard Saira/Monty, but from two people I heard Saira, Nash, Joey & Monty -- with Monty strategically placed last in the ranking, to give the illusion his name was the least uttered. Funnily enough, the two people I heard this format of the names were Nick and Aria who just happen to be Pasio alumni... interesting, right?

So looking at the ranking, I'm thinking "okay so they obviously didn't do eachother, and with Nash/Joey in 3rd and 4th respectively, they must've not expected so many votes on Monty and didn't plan accordingly, and so split the votes too much and didn't have enough to put up Nash or Joey over Monty. So I'm thinking, I know there's a connection between Jacob and Monty because I used to play orgs with them on Skype. Jacob used the veto on Brianna last week, this has brought me to the conclusion that Monty, Nick, Brianna, Jacob & Aria are working together with the possibility that Josh C is either playing both sides or is fully with them too, hence why he recieved the least votes.

That places Myself, Emma, Kiki, Nash, Joshua, Joey & Saira on the outside, and Nathan too as I'm guessing he's strayed from their alliance and/or wishing to work with them, hence why he recieved 5th most votes. 

I'd love to make an alliance with this group of people, but it's still only pre-jury and I don't want to be seen as playing too hard too soon.

(cont.) So I initially wasn't going to go for this HOH, but I feel like I need to because I can't trust anybody else to make the move to take Monty out, and I'd rather see their numbers thinned sooner rather than later. It would paint me as their #1 target for next week probably, but if someone I trusted won HOH next week then I could go to the upside down and not have to worry about it.

JEV

Yes again I'm so sorry, another thing that was interesting to me was that I mentioned to Aria that I was close with Emma, and she asked for an alliance with the 3 of us almost immediately after, stating that she was also "very interested" in working with Emma too. This tells me she's the mole and wanted the alliance to try and get intel from us, I don't believe for a second she did Saira/Monty along with me and Emma at all, which is why myself and Emma are hesitant to say too much in that alliance chat. So I like Aria, but I don't trust her as far as I can throw her.

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL__dyRaq2E&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=5&t=0s