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skinniplease · 6 years ago

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I’m fucking sick

So here’s my story.

When I was 13 my family and I were visiting my family in California (in July). They were all weighing themselves and told me to step on. I was 5’0 tall and the scale read 135 lbs. My step mom exclaimed that I was too heavy and needed to lose weight. I cried myself to sleep that night and starved myself the entire next day. The next night I got drunk. The day after that, I barely ate. The week went on with me barely eating.

When we came home I went vegetarian in some attempt to lose weight. (The moral reasons came after.) I also stopped eating breakfast and lunch and would only eat small amounts at dinner time. Because I was vegetarian, I was able to make my own meals instead of eating my family’s greasy food. Almost everyday I ate a sandwich with smashed avocado and chickpeas in place of mayo with red peppers, spinach, tomatoes, and a vegan jalapeño cheese. I wasn’t vegan at the time but I wanted to cut out some fats so I didn’t eat very much dairy. In two months I went from 135 to 108.

I started school again that September (14 years old). My classmates were shocked at my size. My xs yoga pants were a little baggy. My ex boyfriend asked me if I was sick. Like seriously sick. He thought I had cancer.

I didn’t like looking sick but I did like being skinny. I made it a goal to slowly put some weight on. It took me 6 months to get to 112 lbs and I stayed there for about two years. During this time I still didn’t eat breakfast, I only ate lunch like 2x a week. For dinner I lived off of mac n cheese and blueberry waffles. If I ate too much and felt guilty, I puked. All of my lunch money went to weed, booze, and shrooms (16 years old). Blueberry waffles were my munchies. Then I got caught with weed in my moms house. I got in a lot of trouble and wasn’t allowed to be home alone. I started to eat more fruits which then made me put on more weight but I didn’t try to stop it. I wasn’t happy about it but I just managed it. I maintained 125 for a while. My parents made me go to the gym with them 6 days a week because they wouldn’t leave me at home. I worked out for 1 1/2 hours 6 days a week. 3 days a week I also did an hour long yoga class before my workout. My weight dropped to 118 but I was very toned and thin. I looked great.

When they finally let me be alone after 9 months of being grounded, I started smoking cigarettes. When I didn’t have them, I ate a ton. They curbed my appetite. (My weight went back up to 125.)Every morning before school I made myself an iced coffee and left my house with enough time for me to drive around for 20-30 minutes before school so I could smoke and just relax. That stopped when I totaled my car doing exactly that (17 years old).

I had just started dating my (current) boyfriend a month before. Within a year I gained 30 pounds. I went back to eating meat and we ate A LOT of junk food. In year two I gained another 30 pounds before I really noticed how big I’d gotten. One day I weighed myself and saw I was now 186 lbs. Holy shit how did that happen? That was December of 2017 (19 years old).

I knew I needed to lose weight but I was terrified I’d relapse into my eating disorders so I put it off. Finally after 3 months, I decided I’d try but I knew I needed to be very careful so I didn’t slip. I lost 10 pounds. Then I went to visit my family in Cali again and literally ALL they cooked all two weeks was fried food. I ate everything in moderation but still felt like shit. When I came back home after 16 days, I had gained 6 lbs back. I gave up.

From March to September of 2018 I tried SO many diets. None of them worked well enough for me. All of my friends were encouraging me to lose weight but didn’t understand how dangerous that was, even though I told them all about my past. After failing to lose weight so many times I started to feel like maybe there was something else going on. My thyroid gland was swollen so I started to think maybe it just couldn’t happen for me and gave up. In October I was at my grandparents house and decided to step on the scale. I was 184 lbs. FUCK! Why did I let myself get back here?!

The next two days while I was there I ate around 800 cals and logged them all. The rest of the week, under 600 cals. I couldn’t stand the thought of being that weight anymore so I just gave in. In one week I dropped 6 lbs. It was mostly water weight. After that first week I maintained for 10 days and that really fucked me up. The next week I dropped another 3 lbs and thought my plateau was over. Nope, there it goes again for 7 days. Since then I’ve been losing in 1 lb incriminates every 3-4 days. I now switch up my calorie intake. Monday’s and Tuesday’s I eat around 1,000-1,200 and the rest of the week I eat under 800. Wednesday’s are kinda hard for me for a lot of reasons so I pretty much always go over on Wednesday’s ):

Sunday night of this week I started a fast. I was aiming for 24 hours but by the time I knew it, I was at 36. So I thought I’d try to stretch it to 48. Tuesday morning I woke up in a sweat because I couldn’t figure out how to lie to my boyfriend about not eating that day. We always go out to eat on tuesdays. I spent 6 hours curled in a ball on the couch panicking waiting for him to wake up. Then when we left, he kept asking if I was okay because I wouldn’t make eye contact and I seemed off. I told him I didn’t want to talk about it. I was trying to stop the war in my head about breaking my fast at 40 hours. I felt like such a failure but I knew if I didn’t break it, he’d catch on.

Yesterday, I ate a low calorie breakfast and an hour later binged on a bunch of junk. 15 minutes later I felt like shit about myself and saw a photo of 5 lbs of fat and ran to the bathroom to puke. I don’t want that. Why’d I binge? I ate 800 calories in 10 minutes. Wtf. So I purged until it physically hurt to do it anymore. I’m sure I didn’t get it all though. I felt so much better. About 6 hours later, I had dinner and then binged AGAIN. So I immediately said I was going to take a shower and turned on the water and purged again. I tried to be quiet but I couldn’t so I had to stop halfway through. I feel like shit because I couldn’t even do that right.

When I got out of the shower he asked me “were you coughing up a lung in there?”

“Yeah”

“Yeah every now and then I heard *makes choking noise* and thought dang I hope she’s not getting sick in there”

I couldn’t look him in the eye and I got in bed. I feel so shitty about lying.

Now I’m afraid to eat anywhere other than home in case I feel the urge to throw up. I don’t want to deal with bulimia again. Anorexia is bad enough as it is. My relapse yesterday is really fucking me up. Puking isn’t fun and it doesn’t feel good but it felt good to lose control for a minute and then rid my body of it. It made me feel like I gained back some control.

But now I’m scared to eat anything simply because I don’t want to make myself feel guilty and purge. I don’t know what to do.

Also, it’s pretty fucking sad I’ve been dealing with this off and on and at different extremes since I was 13 years old. I’m fucking 20 now. I thought I recovered in late high school but looking back, I’m not sure I did...

#ana #anorexia #mia #bulimia #eating disorders #ednoz #thinspo #weightloss #binge #purge #restricting #don't binge #anorexic #bulimic

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jade-island-lives · 5 years ago

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OC Interview Tag!

I was tagged by @raiswanson and I thought this was fun sooo...

Rules: Pick a character from your WIP, and have them answer these 14 questions!

Since he’s been on my mind lately, we’ll go with Shell. Torrent’s mentor, father figure, and Queen Jade’s “Guard Dog.” He’s awesome, I love him.

1. What is your full name?

Sean Callan Weathers. Like it? I picked it myself. ...don’t ask.

2. What does your full name mean?

What did I just- *sighs* oooh... *his eyes darken for a moment before closing his eyes

okay okay...*breathes in slowly*

Sean was allegedly my father’s name, Callan was allegedly his brother’s name, and Weathers is the name of my family. The only remaining part of it. I say what because I never knew my birth family, they died off before I was able to comprehend them. ...I don’t even know what my mother looked like. It’s hard to say what really happened. My mother died giving birth to me, and my father and his brother died of the plague At least, that’s what the nuns at the orphanage told me...but I dunno, maybe they were lying. Who is to say?

And it depends. Do you mean, what does it means to me? To me, my name means many things. Freedom and power being the big ones. To others? It could mean comrade, love, fear...probably terror. My name means whatever it means to you.

3. What are your nicknames/other names?

Well, Shell is the main nickname that everyone knows me as on the island and in the seven seas. I got it because of my sword, which I made out of the sharpest shell known to man called “Sea Iron.” I’m so used to people calling me Shell, that I forget my name is Sean sometimes... *laughs awkwardly*

Shell the Terrible is the title that was bestowed upon me the day I became a mer, wasn’t a fan of it at first, but I can take some pride in it now.

The kids at the orphanage called me “The Monster of Belladonna.” Didn’t care for that shit. The nuns called me “Little Monster.” The head Nun called me “The Wasted One.” Yeah...everyone at Miss Annie’s Orphanage LOVED me...

Soot used to call me many things. “The Whore” “The Freak” “The Confused One.” “Mental One.” Nice man...

Umira called me Shelly...I hated that.

Sundrop calls me Belladonna. I don’t mind it.

Jade used to call me Raindrop...don’t ask.

So yes. I go by many names. Including “The Guard Dog.”

4. What’s your gender?

*stiffens and shifts in his seat awkwardly* I am male as far as you are concerned.

5. What’s your sexuality?

*his face turns bright red* I-I suppose there are rumors, aren’t there...? Well, If you MUST know... *takes a sip of coffee* I take pleasure with both men and women. Though I must admit I have no inherent preference. Both are good equally to me.

6. Where are you from?

Well, I was born in Belladonna, France. It used to be huge city filled to the brim with smelly people. It was also a breeding ground for the plague and there were many homeless people on the streets. Nowadays it’s a fancy place, seldom a rat in sight and a fine tourist place.

Though...I can’t really call it my home. Jade Island is my home, and always shall be... *takes a sip of coffee* I should have gotten rum...

7. How old are you?

Oooh...that’s a toughie...where is Sundrop when you need her? She’s always good at math...well, I must be over 200 years old? Maybe? Whatever, I’ve got 600 years to live. I’m good.

8. What is your magic form/What species are you?

Surely you must know? I’m a silverblood. Half Human, Half Mer. I know that makes little sense. Merpeople are more scaly and fishlike. Silverbloods are the mermaids you know and love. I am one of those. Though... *grins, showing his sharpened fangs* I didn’t get away without these chompers.

Ooh, um...apparently I’m the only one with a pure shiny copper tail? So there’s that weird bit. Also my soul color does not match my tail color like it’s supposed to. Odd, isn’t it?

I also have sharp claws too. Just thought I’d mention that. It’s perfect for leaving marks on idiots who think it’s smart to piss me off...

9. What does your human form look like?

Well...um... all right. Well, I typically wear my purple cloak and silver flower pin along with my silver armor. I don’t like not wearing it. I don’t have finned ears and I have legs in place of my tail. My fangs don’t go away though. I also keep my hair short. I would shave it all off, but eh, I like my hair like this. It’s short and fluffed.

10. What’s your aesthetic?

Aesthetic? Who are you? Umira? I don’t really have an atheistic, unless you count swords, poetry, and getting drunk every evening an aesthetic.

11. Who’s your best friend?

*His smile fades, his eyes become misted with something. Pain? Longing?*

Jade...Jade was my best friend in every way possible. She was always there for me, and took me from my horrible life on the streets. She showed me love when no one else dared to. She was brave, clever, kind, had a silent temper...Gods just thinking about the way her eyes and scales glittered in the throne room...her laugh...her smile...

*A tear wells up in his good eye*

Gods I miss her...I love her so much...

*He wipes the tear away*

C-Can we move on...? Please...

12. Would you ever get a piercing/tattoo?

*sniffs*

Why? It wouldn’t change how I feel about my body...in fact, I’m sure it will make my feeling worse.

I-I don’t think I can talk about it.

Moving on.

13. When are you happiest?

...Promise me that you won’t laugh.

In the early mornings, when Jade was still here and Jade Island thrived...when she and I were intertwined in our bed. Not doing anything other than holding each other.

No one would bother us, she would let me curl up beside her and let me rest her head on her chest. She would nuzzle my head and kiss my forehead...whispering...we were always whispering to each other...

I would give all of my remaining years just to see her again...

14. What’s your biggest secret?

Now, why would I tell you that?

Anyone who wants to do this can. <3

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vthiker09 · 5 years ago

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Half Dome

I was sitting on a bed in a small city in Slovakia when one of my best friends asked me: “Erin! What happened to you 5 years ago?” She was reading my Zodiac sign and saw something life changing had happened 5 years ago. I thought for a moment and replied: “I started to hike again.” Sports had been a staple in my life from day one. Being the daughter of a former professional hockey player and the youngest of five siblings who all excelled in sports, sports was the focus of my family’s life. I was a three-season athlete all through high school and my first two years of college. Trauma and my fowl ways of coping with said trauma, led me away from sports. At the time, I didn’t realize how important they were to me.

After five or six years of poor behavior and diet, I found myself significantly overweight and unable to do the activities I didn’t yet realize I loved. I remember trying to hike a mountain and turning around because I was unable to complete it. I said to myself “never again.” The next summer, which was five years ago, I decided I was going to hike 30 mountains. A “mountain” had to gain more than 1,000 feet of evaluation in order to count. I don’t remember much from these 30 mountains other than a) I climbed them all in the time period I said I would and b) the final mountain I climbed was the one the summer before I was unable to climb. These 30 mountains sparked a change in me which continues to grow. It shifted my focus away from drinking, partying, and poor eating habits and back to the outdoors and taking better care of myself. My entire outlook on life and value system changed with those 30 mountains.

The next summer I decided I was going to hike Vermont. Without actually reading what I declared I was going to do on social media, I unknowingly signed up to hike 60 mountains in one summer. I carefully planned the hikes, making sure to budget time for the usual round of summer brew fests. After 50 hikes, I tore my patella tendon at a friend’s wedding via some enthusiastic dance moves. A three-week timeout on the couch and a planned vacation out west put an end to my goal. Although I actually hiked well more than 70 mountains that summer, I didn’t hike the 60 in the book.

The next summer I just hiked. At this point it was what I did. It was no longer about specific mountains or how many mountains. It was about going outside and being in the woods. People often ask me why I love to hike so much. I simply say, “there is no other place where you can find true silence.” It is a special moment when you are in the woods and all you can hear is wind in the trees and maybe a bird. If you haven’t had this moment recently, I highly recommend giving it a try. Later in the season, I remembered I still had 10 hikes to go to finish the book. I busted out my Falcon guide to hiking Vermont and reminded myself of the 10 remaining hikes. I started to complete them and with 2 left to go, I decided on a cool fall morning to hike Big Bolton.

Big Bolton wasn’t in the book. It was a wooded summit and a harder hike. The only appeal was I had never done it. We all know at this point, Big Bolton was the mountain I hurt myself on. At the point I hurt myself I had two plans: 1. I was one week from travelling to the Smokies and 2. I had made plans to hike Half Dome in Yosemite. I had started to read about Half Dome on a pile of outdoor blogs and websites I had become a regular reader of. Something about Half Dome appealed to me. I’m not really sure what it was. There are plenty of mountains that are beyond challenging, with pretty views, and where people meet their demise. At the same time, something about Half Dome felt special to me.

My injury put a hard stop to my hiking adventures. What few people truly understood though was it put a hard stop on something that had become part of who I was. It wasn’t just that I couldn’t participate in a hobby that I enjoyed; it was that a piece of my being had been taken away from me in a matter of one step. There were many hours I spent trying to figure out how I would hike any mountain, let alone Half Dome. Remember, my pining for Half Dome had begun before I got hurt. After my first surgery, I lost hope. I went from my bed to the couch to bed to the couch for three months. I was left with a shriveled leg and a massive amount of overall muscle loss and conditioning. I’m pretty sure although I was significantly thinner, I was in worse shape than I was before I was hurt.

From the minute I was able to walk until my fourth surgery, something changed. I wasn’t going to be the victim anymore, I was going to become the hiker I used to be and with any luck, I was going to become a better hiker. I was going to hike Half Dome. Half Dome became an obsession for me. Even when I was on crutches and it was challenging to get to bathroom, I would think: “I’m going to do an hour of floor exercises because this will help me on the side of Half Dome.” This one mountain became my motivation to heal.

After my fourth surgery I got to a point where I could hike. Although my toe was an absolute mess, I could ignore it and safely make it to the top of pretty much any mountain in Vermont. With a pending toe fusion on the docket and a surgeon who promised I would be able to hike as much I wanted; I entered the lottery for half dome. I wasn’t confident I would be able to complete the hike, but I did know if I actually got a permit, I was going to hike that mountain.

In January of 2019 I found out I had won two permits for late August. I am not kidding when I say this: besides of my wedding day, I’m not sure I have ever been that excited. Remember, this was the mountain I had idolized before I got hurt. It also had become the symbol of my healing journey. Hiking Half Dome meant I was okay. Two days later I had everything booked and was ready to go to California. Now all I needed was a body and a joint which was ready to make the climb. I should mention at this point: Half Dome is a 16 mile extremely hard day hike. It climbs 5,000 vertical feet in 8 miles and is just stinking hard. The crowning moment of Half Dome is the last 600 feet, which you climb via a set of steel cables. We will revisit the cables later. The point is Half Dome is stinking hard and a lot of people don’t make it to the top.

My journey to Half Dome was unique. There was a significant emotional piece of this climb, but in very practical terms, not many people can say: “I just had 5 orthopedic surgeries over the last 2.5 years, spent 7 months not standing on my leg, 1.5 years in PT, and hell yeah I’m going to hike this!” I’m not sure how to gauge that my healing goal was a mountain most able body people still couldn’t climb. It just became my goal and there wasn’t anything that was going to stop me from standing on that summit.

The following eight months was 100% Half Dome preparation. My biggest challenge was taking 16 miles worth of steps. Having spent significant time off of my leg, I saw steps in a very different way. It wasn’t about how in shape or not I was, it was being able to step on my leg for that long and over terrain that hard. I had spent so long with rules around how far or high or long I could walk, that my main barrier was getting used to walking longer distances again. To do so, I instituted 10-mile Saturday. Every Saturday from late March, until we got on a plane for California, Mike and I romped 10 miles. Keep in mind these 10-mile hikes were paired with two or three other weekly hikes, running, biking, and strength work. For that eight months, I was working out six days a week and was hiking at least three days a week. I was beyond determined that if there was any reason, I wasn’t going to stand of the top of Half Dome, it wasn’t going to because I wasn’t able to step enough steps.

A week before we left for California, we did one final 10-mile Saturday. We were romping around one of Vermont’s five four thousand foot mountains. We also got caught in the rain. I’m not sure I will ever be okay with wet rocks. When an object takes several years of your life away from you, it takes some time to be okay with it. Mike and I found ourselves in a sea of wet rocks. I ended up falling on a wet rock and just bust out into tears. I picked myself back up, scrambled to a tree and promptly stood hugging the tree in complete hysterics. After a few minutes I pulled myself back together. Mike asked me if I was okay, I grumbled “yes” and kept going. After a few minutes I said “I don’t belong on Half Dome.” Half Dome is a giant granite dome i.e. a gigantic rock. Although you aren’t allowed to climb it when it’s wet because you most likely will die via sliding off of it, the idea of scaling a giant rock seemed far out of my reach in that moment.

Despite my folly with a wet rock just a week before our departure, we jetted off to California. When we got there, it was all about Half Dome. Our travel dates, how much we hiked, when we got up, when we went to sleep were all based on our Half Dome plans. Two days before hiking it we scoped out the trail head and the parking situation. When I first looked at it, I didn’t feel intimidated. I had put the work in to be successful and felt like I was ready. It was another mountain and I hike mountains – it is who I am.

Our alarm was set for 3:00 AM on August 27th. Thankfully this was 6:00 AM east coast time which made the early time frame a little easier. Just like with many things I am excited or anxious about, I awoke well before my alarm. We hopped out of bed, grabbed our packs, and off we went. We arrived at the trail head a little after 4:00 AM. It was an exciting vibe as we put on our headlamps and got ready to go. Everyone else in the parking lot was there for the same purpose – to be able to say they stood on top of Half Dome.

Half Dome doesn’t wait to show you why it’s considered a hard hike. Right out of the gate you gain 2,000 feet of elevation over the first two miles. The Mist Trail is responsible for this steep grade via a couple hundred granite stairs. It was pitch black, so although I could hear the waterfall that gives the trail its name and I got a little wet, I couldn’t see anything. By sunrise we had made it to the top of Nevada Falls, which is the halfway point. I felt good and the hike felt like basically every other hike I had done. In some ways the trail was easier than the root and rock infested trails we call home in Vermont. A well-maintained gravel path and some granite stairs was a welcome change.

After Nevada Falls you get a short break via Nebraska Valley and your first actual view of the monolith you are about to climb. This was the first moment I thought “wow, that’s really big.” Despite my brewing fear of the granite dome, we forged on. The section between Nebraska Valley and Sub Dome is a couple mile long section of fairly steep switchbacks. Switchbacks being a beautiful invention where you zig-zag up steep grades in an effort to make them less steep. Although they can make you a little nauseous with the swift direction changes, they make the job a little easier. After a while, we made it to the bottom of Sub Dome and the first real views of the valley. Stunning is an understatement. I like National Parks because you can reach places where all you can see is nature. This was one of those spots, except nature took the form of massive granite domes for as far as you can see. It is a truly special place.

This was also the first place you got a good view of the cables. Half Dome is really what Camels Hump in Vermont wants to be. It’s a little rock dome next to a much bigger rock dome. From the bottom of Sub Dome i.e. the smaller hump, you could see tiny humans scrambling up the cables. Let’s talk about the cables: they are a set of two wire cables nailed into the rock via metal poles embedded a mere four inches into the rock. The poles are accompanied by wooden planks placed in between the wires at 10-foot intervals. The planks, poles, and wires are there because Half Dome climbs 400 vertical feet in 600 actual feet. It’s a sheer rock face that climbs at a 45-degree angle. You can’t just walk up Half Dome. You basically have to drag yourself up via the cables because gravity is seriously working against you.

My “oh, crap” meter began to climb significantly as I watched people attempt the cables. Sometimes though you just have to ignore the tiny voice that’s telling you this is a bad idea and just keep walking. Especially when it’s the mountain you’ve been obsessing over for a couple years. Sub Dome pales in compression to Half Dome, which is a little scary to say. Sub Dome climbs a serious amount of vertical in a short period of time via carefully etched steps in the rock. Since Sub Dome is named such because it is a dome, your nicely crafted stairs are on the side of a cliff. Although it would be challenging to fall because there are stairs and even though they are in a very different location than your run of the mill office stairs, it’s the same concept and most humans are pretty good at them.

Mike on the other hand is beyond scared of cliffs. Sub Dome proved to be too much for him, and he stopped. There was no stopping me though. I was going to stand on Half Dome. I had to stand on Half Dome. After doing some serious huffing and questioning why I found activities like this “fun,” I got to the top of Sub Dome. At this point I was less then a hundred feet from the cables. My only thought was “how the fuck am I going to do this?” I wasn’t alone as all the other groups were standing in awe of the rock face wondering similar things. It’s an interesting place because you quickly find out who is afraid of heights and who is not. There is a pile of people who call it a day the minute they see the cables, there’s another pile of people who stand there for 20 minutes being like “this is not my brightest idea, but I’m doing it anyway,” and then there are the people who just go. I’m not sure they are the brightest bunch as their self-preservation skills seem to be lacking and it’s probably the best way to get the job done.

I was firmly in “this seems like an awful idea and I’m doing it anyway.” I glued myself to a couple we had been hiking with for most of the day, borrowed a pair of rubber gloves from a guy who had borrowed them for someone else, and off I went. The first half of the rock wasn’t awful. It wasn’t fun and it was super hard, but it wasn’t awful. Basically, you would drag yourself 10-feet by 10-feet, resting in between planks. I was very thankful at this point I had bought a pile of dumbbells and had been doing a bunch of arm work. It felt more like doing leg assisted pullups than hiking. Things started to get a little hairy halfway up. People come down the rock the same way you go up. You have about five feet of space between the wires and people moving in different directions. Outside of the wires is a 400-foot cliff on either side. If you exit the wires you most likely aren’t going home.

A group of people started to come down and it was truly terrifying. They had appropriate hiking boots and they were just sliding down the rock. Again – this is a 600-foot-high rock face with cliffs on either side. It’s not something you want to slide down. One woman was 100% having a panic attack right next to me. Another woman helped her down and no one died that day, so it must have been successful. Between watching people unintentionally slide down, the women at the bottom who said she had climbed it every season for almost a decade but not this year because the rock was too smooth, and panic attack woman - I was beyond scared.

Even though I had glued myself to other people, I felt alone in a place which felt unsafe. At this moment I forgot about how much I had idolized this mountain and how much it meant to me and my recovery. I was 100% focused on not falling off that rock. 2/3 of the way up there are cracks in the rock which made it impossible for the park’s department to lay a board at the standard 10-foot spacing. Thus, this section is 20 feet between boards, uneven, and the steepest section. Here’s a fun fact – I have zero degrees of dorsiflexion in my right ankle. You know what requires a lot more than zero degrees of dorsiflexion? Walking up a sheer rock face. I started this section and realized I couldn’t bend my limb enough to push off of it. This was when the “oh, fuck” meter was off the charts. I tried to push off on my toes, which gives me much more range of motion and has been my saving grace on many rock faces in Vermont, except this rock was smooth. Being on my toes didn’t put enough of my shoe surface on the rock and I just slid. At this point I was in panic mode because I couldn’t physically walk up this rock. I just kept thinking “don’t let go of the cables.” In a true moment of self-preservation, I knelt and dragged and crawled to the next rock. I had some truly gnarly gashes in my knee, but I made it to the next plank.

This was the point I realized my Half Dome aspirations were over. It wasn’t safe or responsible for me to continue. There wasn’t space at this point to be mad or sad about it because I needed to get down 2/3 of the rock face. I sat on that plank for a solid 20 minutes panicking about how in the world I was going to get down. My lifelong fear of heights paired with my not quite bionic ankle did not bode well for aiding me down the dome. A less than helpful man came up the cables, asked me why I was sitting there, I told him I had no idea how I was going to get down, he said, “that’s rough,” and kept going.

Shortly after a group of older women and person I didn’t know was guide came up the cables. I had passed the group below Sub Dome and was really happy I did. I asked the guide for help. She said the first thing I needed to do was stand up. This wasn’t going to happen. Like so many mountains before, I was a billion percent sure my tried and true “no one dies on their butt” approach was going to get me down this rock. After some epic whining and sentiments around why standing up wasn’t going to happen, I slid in front of the plank. I now was sitting on the rock and the only thing between me and the most epic rock side of my life was a wire cable and a metal pole 10 feet in front of me. The guide was borderline panicking at this point telling me I couldn’t slide down the rock and I needed to get back on the plank.

In my head I thought “I can slide to the pole and then from the pole to the next plank. Just don’t let go of the wire.” This is what I did. I think I gave the guide a small heart attack and it was a really stupid idea. Many things could’ve gone wrong in that moment and I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this. When I got to the plank 20 feet below me, the guide again urged me to stand up. She promised my swanky hiking shoes would assist me down the rock and it would be okay. In a very trusting moment, I stoop up. She told me to turn around, so I was looking up the rock, and walk down the rock backwards. I do so and realized this was a much better strategy. I got to the next plank, realized I was going to be okay, thanked the guide and went on my merry way.

I have never been so happy as when I got off those cables. Maybe when I got married, but my wedding didn’t come with as much potential death options, so I’m not sure. At this point all I wanted to do was get to Mike who was at the bottom of Sub Dome. I started to realize I didn’t make it to the top, but I didn’t really care. In a true act of defeat, I made my way back down Sub Dome. A few people asked me what the cables were like, I told them they were terrifying and apparently that was the general vibe that day. I found Mike sitting on a rock and I promptly burst into tears. I explained how I didn’t make it and then babbled about how much work I had put in and I couldn’t make it the last 150 feet and how mad that made me. Mike reassured me I had done more than enough, fed me some cheese and bread, and we started our way down. The rest of the decent wasn’t as adrenaline producing, however, it was really pretty, and I would recommend it. In total it took us just over 10 hours, which apparently is quite speedy.

That night and many nights following were full of me thinking about how stupid I had been on that rock and what could’ve gone wrong. I am very thankful I met that guide. I’m not sure what would’ve happened had I not. I’ve had a few nightmares about sliding off the side and it really didn’t help that a woman did fall off a week after I was there. Besides my somewhat traumatic cables experience, I had to sit with the fact the mountain which was supposed to signify I was healed didn’t happen. I wish I had some profound thing to say about this and how I realized Half Dome didn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of my healing journey and the fact I’ve hiked over 300 miles and 100,000 vertical feet this calendar year is more than enough proof I’m okay. I never got there. I did get to a point where I could say the words “I didn’t make it” and it doesn’t bring tears to my eyes. This feels like progress.

I find myself trying to identify new goals which will signify “healed” to me. They are arbitrary hiking goals that I decide are hard enough to prove I’m okay. I’m not sure why I still feel a need to prove to myself and others I’m healed, but I do. My current healing journey goals include thru hiking the Long Trail and the NH 48. Despite their jaded motivation, it’s still hiking and I’m going to have a great time scrambling up these peaks. Perhaps at some point I’ll figure out what “healed” actually is in the context of my journey and I’ll write about it. Until then, onward and upwards!

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daltonbus0 · 6 years ago

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How I Turn $20 Into $10,000+ Consistently

As business owners the bar is set incredibly low, ridiculously low in fact, for us to dominate our target markets. If you’ve gone through my Small Business Bootcamp, if you’ve heard me speak, or if you’re one of my clients you’ve heard me preach about Customer Acquisition Cost. It doesn’t matter if the customer was acquired via Facebook Ads, Search Engine Optimization, Google AdWords, or your cousin’s girlfriend’s brother flipping a sign on the side of the road. All we’re concerned with is how much was spent to acquire one customer. Example: Marketing Expenses = $1,000 New Customers = 10 Customer Acquisition Cost = $1,000/10 = $100 per new customer

Over the last five years I’ve successfully bootstrapped businesses from $0 to the mid 6 figures and scaled businesses to 7 and 8 figures + using Customer Acquisition Cost as one of the main KPI’s (Key Performance Indicators). Too many times we as business owners, as digital marketers, as strategists, focus on the Next customer, the Next transaction. Again, if you’ve heard me speak or if you’re one of my clients you know I call this “Spinning Tires” “Working for the Weekend” or whatever clever analogy I come up with in the moment.

You see in a consumer vacuum you would be able to scale your AdSpend and your Revenues ad infinitum, but that’s not where business takes place. Populations are finite, service areas are defined, and competition ever present.

*I know you came for the turn $20 into $10,000 trick, it’s coming I promise. The backstory is important stay with me*

Let’s change the conversation and look at Customer Acquisition Cost as a KPI for a metric I came up with in the parking lot after a dinner with one of my clients RAC (Relationship Acquisition Cost). My core philosophy is simple and every business I own is built on this premise, businesses are built on people. The people you serve and the people you employ. Take a moment and let that sink in. One more time for the people in the back Businesses are built on the people you serve and the people you employ. Do not forget it. Do not stray from it.

Instead of looking at each transaction as a one and done open and closed invoice. Let’s look at them as relationships. People by their very nature do not like change. I’ve been going to the same barber shop for 7 years now, using the same mechanic since I was 16, and so on. So, let’s use this to our advantage.

Here’s How I Consistently Turn $20 into $10,000

The large players in the service industries, rely on a consistent and steady stream of new customers and for the most part they have the budget to sustain that model. However, the strategy I implement for my businesses and clients is a little different. I’m looking to turn that new customer into a lifelong relationship, I’m looking to become their “guy.”

Here’s How You Do It.

Step 1: Answer your damn phone. (It’s half the battle, seriously not being able to get someone on the phone is the #1 complaint homeowners have) Step 2: Provide a quality service Step 3: Follow Up

Every. Single. Monday. I sit down and write, write not type, a thank you note to the customers from the previous week. I don’t care if they spent $50 or if they spent $10,000, because honestly it doesn’t matter.

Dear Ms. Johnson, I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for your business. As a growing business in (insert your city) we rely on customers like you. If there’s anything you need call me directly at (phone #). We look forward to earning your business again in the future.

Sincerely, Alexander A. Laldin

Sometimes I include gift cards to Starbucks or local restaurants, but I always include 5 referral cards. You can offer a kick back if you’d like; experiment with what works.

So… How did I turn $20 into $10,000?

“In God we trust; all others bring data.” ― W. Edwards Deming

These numbers are based on one of my clients, that we’ve tracked over 12 months. (32) Thank You Cards – $4 (32) Stamps – $15.68 Total = $19.68

Clients Average Ticket = $375 50% of Clients Call Him Again = 32 * .50 = 16 * 375 = $6,000 50% of those clients call him 2 or more times = 16 * .50 = 8 * 375 = $3,000 10% of clients referred AT LEAST one person = 32 * .10 = 3.2 * 375 = $1,200 50% Repeat = 3.2 * 375 = $600 50% 2 or more times = $300

Total = $11,100

I’m going to get all Jon Gruden on you guys for a minute and talk about the intangibles. This strategy snowballs, it starts small and gets large Fast.

1. By sending these cards, you increase the chances of receiving a positive review online while simultaneously decreasing the chance of a negative review. Our businesses are built on people and people aren’t perfect. Not every transaction will be a smooth one. Generally, people go online and leave poor reviews because they want to be heard. Our thank you cards give them a different avenue to be heard. 2. Your past customers will become your biggest advocate, become their person and watch the business come to you for years whether it be family members, friends, or themselves. 3. If the only thing you bring to the table is price, you will be out of business at the first economic downturn. Having quality reviews and recommendations from trusted sources allows you to charge a premium and that’s OKAY.

from https://northgeorgiapowerconnectors.com/how-i-turn-20-into-10000-consistently/ from https://northgeorigapowerconnectors1.blogspot.com/2019/01/how-i-turn-20-into-10000-consistently.html from https://northgeorigap.tumblr.com/post/182009719764 from https://daltonbusiness.blogspot.com/2019/01/how-i-turn-20-into-10000-consistently.html

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northgeorigap · 6 years ago

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How I Turn $20 Into $10,000+ Consistently

*I know you came for the turn $20 into $10,000 trick, it’s coming I promise. The backstory is important stay with me*

Here’s How I Consistently Turn $20 into $10,000

Here’s How You Do It.

Step 1: Answer your damn phone. (It’s half the battle, seriously not being able to get someone on the phone is the #1 complaint homeowners have) Step 2: Provide a quality service Step 3: Follow Up

Sincerely, Alexander A. Laldin

Sometimes I include gift cards to Starbucks or local restaurants, but I always include 5 referral cards. You can offer a kick back if you’d like; experiment with what works.

So… How did I turn $20 into $10,000?

“In God we trust; all others bring data.” ― W. Edwards Deming

These numbers are based on one of my clients, that we’ve tracked over 12 months. (32) Thank You Cards – $4 (32) Stamps – $15.68 Total = $19.68

Total = $11,100

I’m going to get all Jon Gruden on you guys for a minute and talk about the intangibles. This strategy snowballs, it starts small and gets large Fast.

from https://northgeorgiapowerconnectors.com/how-i-turn-20-into-10000-consistently/ from https://northgeorigapowerconnectors1.blogspot.com/2019/01/how-i-turn-20-into-10000-consistently.html

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shateandino · 7 years ago

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Is Intermittent Fasting Okay For Women?

Is intermittent fasting okay for women? In this article, I’ll discuss the do’s and don’ts of fasting for women and why it’s so different for us than it is for men!

If you’ve been a frequent visitor to this blog, then you know I’ve been practicing intermittent fasting for a few years now. But it wasn’t until recently that I’ve really dug into the research about intermittent fasting for women.

The problem is, there isn’t much information out there about fasting for women. 99% of the fasting studies have been done on men – and, as you know, we are VERY different than men!

What Is Intermittent Fasting?

Intermittent Fasting (IF) simply means that you choose to fast during a certain time period each day, and you also choose to eat your calories within a certain time period each day. The most popular time period is 16:8, so for 16 hours, I don’t eat anything, then for 8 hours, I eat my regular amount of calories.

By fasting, we are asking our body to switch from using glucose as fuel to using fat as fuel! That’s why IF has been touted as a great weight loss tactic. There is even evidence to suggest that it helps us gain energy, protect against disease, improve insulin resistance, fight the effects of aging, and more.

(You can read more about the pro’s of intermittent fasting HERE!)

There are a few different methods of IF, so it’s more a matter of individual preference as to how someone incorporates it into their life.

Some examples include:

Fasting 1 – 3 days per week for 24 hours. The other 6 – 4 days have a normal food intake.

Fasting on alternating days where you eat very little (500-600 calories) and the other days have a normal food intake.

Scheduling a daily fast of 12-18 hours. This can be done by skipping breakfast or just condensing all 3 meals into a small window of time.

Intermittent Fasting and Women

There is a lot of discussion about intermittent fasting and how it affects women.

Some experts say that women aren’t affected any differently than men, while other experts say that IF can cause hormonal imbalance in women if it’s not done correctly.

So, what’s the deal?

There is no doubt in my mind that women’s hormones are much more sensitive than men’s hormones. Each month, women’s hormones perform a delicate balancing act, and when something like IF gets introduced, it can throw these hormones out of balance and cause women to experience many side effects.

For example, when a woman’s body perceives she is starving herself, her body will ramp up the production of ghrelin, our hunger hormone. We will feel extremely hungry because our body is producing more ghrelin, telling us to EAT!

The reason women’s bodies are more sensitive to hunger is because our #1 goal as a woman is to carry a child. When our body is getting signals that we aren’t eating enough, hormone production can change in order to try and get us to eat so that we can support a baby, even when we are not trying to get pregnant.

Many women will try to ignore these hunger cues, causing the signals to get even louder. Or, worse, we ignore the cues, then fail and binge later, then follow that up with under-eating and starvation again. And guess what? That vicious cycle can throw your hormones out of whack and even halt ovulation.

Unfortunately, there are very few human studies looking at the differences between intermittent fasting for men and women, but the animal studies confirm our suspicion: Intermittent fasting can sometimes throw off a woman’s hormonal balance, cause fertility problems and exacerbate eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia.

I can speak from experience. When I first started IF, I did lose my period for a few months. I was eating from 12pm to 8pm, then fasting from 8pm to 12pm the next day. Initially, I lost about 10 pounds. In the process, my period get very irregular and it took a few months for it to balance out.

But there is good news…

Women can practice fasting, there are just some guidelines we need to consider FIRST!

START SLOW

If you are new to IF, it can be very hard on your body if you jump right into it like I did. Going from eating around the clock to eating within an 8 hour window is a total shock for your body and hormones.

The best practice for women is to ease into fasting.

Here are a few different ways you can do this:

Start with a 12 hour fast. If you eat dinner at 6pm, don’t eat again until 6am the next day. Then the next week, increase this to a 13 hour fast, the week after that a 14 hour fast, etc.

Only fast on 2 – 3 NON consecutive days of the week (ex. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.)

After 2 – 3 weeks, add in one more day of fasting.

Drink lots of water, tea, coffee (without sweeteners) during your fast. Bulletproof coffee or Rocket Fuel Latte’s are also a good idea for women.

Want to learn more about balancing your hormones for optimal fat burning? Grab my 55-page ebook, The Low Carb Beginners Guide! Comes with a complete 7 day low carb meal plan and my best tips for eating low carb and getting into a fat burning state!

CHECK YOUR HORMONES

Because of the stress that intermittent fasting can put on our body as women, our hormones can easily become out of balance. It’s not only our hunger hormones (ghrelin, leptin, and insulin) that can be affected, our sex hormones (estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone) and thyroid/adrenal hormones (cortisol, DHEA, etc) can also be affected.

I would suggest getting your hormones tested BEFORE you even begin fasting. It’s important to know what state your hormones are in prior to trying IF.

I had my hormones tested via a saliva test before I tried fasting. Because my hormones were in pretty good balance and I wasn’t dealing with adrenal fatigue or thyroid issues, I figured IF was okay for me.

If you are dealing with a hormonal imbalance of any kind, I would recommend getting that sorted out before you even attempt IF.

It’s also important to get in touch with your hunger signals on a hormonal level (leptin/grehlin). No matter where you’re at in your health journey, it’s essential to know how to deal with the stress that comes with hunger.

EAT THE FAT!

I’ve tried intermittent fasting on a low fat diet and on a high fat diet, and I can tell you that it’s much easier practicing IF on a high fat diet! When I was eating a low fat, high carb diet, I was hungry all the time. Even though I was only eating during an 8-hour window, I was still eating 5 meals a day! But once I switched to a low carb, high fat diet, I only eat 2 – 3 meals in that same 8 hour window!

When our bodies are constantly dealing with the highs and lows of glucose from carbohydrates, there will be a dip in blood sugar a few hours after your last meal which brings on feelings of hunger. When no glucose is provided by way of a meal, cortisol (our stress hormone) will come to the rescue. So, now you’re hungry, you’re still fasting for another 5 hours, and your body senses a stressful event. Not good!

With a reduction in carbohydrates and inclusion of a large amount of healthy fat, your blood sugar will become extremely stable. That dip in blood sugar doesn’t happen and the stressor isn’t there because your body no longer relies on only glucose for energy. Your body has learned to run on fat – both dietary and stored body fat – instead of just waiting for the next meal. Now, not only are you not having feelings of hunger, but you’re eliminating the stressful event! WIN – WIN!

The healthy fats I recommend are:

avocados

coconut oil

MCT oil

grass-fed meats

pastured eggs

grass-fed butter and/or ghee

olives

grass-fed, organic dairy

nut butters

DON’T SLASH CALORIES

One of the main reasons that intermittent fasting is problematic for women is because not only do we try to stop eating for many hours, but we also try to slash calories on top of that! No wonder this puts us into a state of stress.

During your eating window, don’t be afraid to EAT! I still eat around 2,000+ calories in the 8 hours! I can do that by consuming healthy, calorie-dense, nutrient-dense, whole foods that also contain a lot of fat. I personally prefer to eat more in a shorter time period than to try and starve myself by slashing calories too low throughout my day.

This is what I love the most about intermittent fasting. I personally feel it is a better, safer way to try and lose fat without breaking your metabolism.

DON’T FOCUS ON WEIGHT LOSS

So many women want to try intermittent fasting to try and lose weight. I’m not saying you can’t lose weight and burn more fat with IF, but I am saying that women shouldn’t try intermittent fasting solely for that purpose.

Take myself for example. When I first started intermittent fasting, it wasn’t to try and get a lean, ripped body. I had done the research on IF and came to the conclusion that this was more of a therapeutic way of eating. IF has been shown to increase energy and improve brain health. It’s great for our immune system and can help us live longer. I don’t know about you, but those things are much more important to me than a number on the scale.

SLOW DOWN EXERCISE

Just like fasting can be a stressor on women’s bodies, so can exercise! Too much exercise can also be to blame for the hormonal domino effect we’ve been talking about.

For the first 2 weeks of IF, I suggest toning down your workouts until you know how IF is going to affect you. Start with walking and light yoga. Once you have been practicing IF for a couple of weeks, you’ll probably find that you can ease your way back into your regular workout routine. I bet you’ll even find you have more energy to workout than you ever had before!

I’ve scaled back my workouts quite a bit in the past year. I used to workout over an hour each day. But I was finding the stress of my workouts combined with the stress of IF wasn’t working for me. So I scaled back my workouts to just 30 – 45 minutes a day. My workouts no longer include long-duration cardio sessions. Instead, I do HIIT’s, heavy weight lifting, and flexibility training.

Remember, the end goal is to keep the stress level in our body at an all time low, thereby keeping our hormones in balance. Working out too intensely while our body is shifting energy sources will likely cause more stress.

STOP IF IT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT

It’s important to note that intermittent fasting isn’t for everyone.

I’ve had clients who excel at fasting and others who’ve tried it and hated it. This just goes to show that we are all individuals and we need to do what’s right for OUR body.

It’s important to listen to our body. Some of the symptoms that fasting may not be right for you are:

your menstrual cycle stops or becomes irregular

you have problems falling asleep or staying asleep

your hair falls out

you start to develop dry skin or acne

you’re noticing you don’t recover from workouts as easily

your injuries are slow to heal

you get every illness/bug going around

your tolerance to stress decreases

your moods start swinging

your heart starts going pitter-patter in a weird way

your interest in romance fizzles (and your lady parts stop appreciating it when it happens)

your digestion slows down noticeably

you always seem to feel cold

I’m curious to know, have you tried intermittent fasting? What was your experience with it as a woman?

Want to work with me? Consider joining on of my upcoming Drop a Dress Size groups! In my group, you’ll learn how to eat the right foods to balance hormones, the easiest and most effective way to start a low carb way of eating, support for trying intermittent fasting, and more!

LEARN MORE HERE

Article source here:The Fit Housewife

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