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The 13th century Swedish peasant boy who's crashing on my couch keeps eating my leftover General Tso's. I always tell him he can order his own but he's all "oh no, just wonton soup is fine with me, it reminds me of winters at home by the fire" but when I open the fridge the next day, what do I see? Not my leftovers! I don't even think they had wontons in medieval Sweden.

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vampire hunter? no i said vampire HAUNTER. this jerk sucked all my blood out so now i spend my afterlife knocking over shelves and scaring off potential victims and just making the castle generally pretty cold

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It is really disturbing how people can lose their humanity and threaten you just because you *checks notes* sentenced their child to death :'(

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compilation of my favorites so far. this energy for 2025 please

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they're out here trolling the NYPD w/ fake tips and the cops are so desperate that they're listening lmfao

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Remember earlier this year when Boeing very clearly had a whistleblower executed? And law enforcement didn't even look for anyone or release any info about it or anything?

People keep comparing Luigi Mangione's case to the subway murderer who got off because of systemic eugenics, but I think there's something more apt about the fact that a CEO had someone executed in recent memory, with zero attempts to find a culprit, while they spared no expense at all to find (and probably frame, it's beginning to look like) someone who shot a CEO. It's always fine to slaughter if you're rich, but if you kill the rich, they will hunt you down.

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I’ve seen some spectacular snark coming from the case of the dead CEO, but the one in response to the request for the public’s help in finding the culprit “Sorry, snitchs get stitches and that might not be covered by my insurance.” Is among the best.

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honestly if teleporters ever got invented during my lifetime i would be the most annoying analog boomer about it. my grandkids would be like ugh, grandma, why don’t you just take a teleporter trip to come visit us, we all do it all the time and it’s obviously safe and i would be like absolutely not. it kills you and reconstitutes a copy with your exact memories. you are consciously my grandchildren and i do not hold it against you but i know in my heart that you are nothing but copies of copies of copies borne out of irresponsible technology use. i am not touching that devil’s elevator as long as i live. i will take an airplane and you will wait for the several hours it takes for me to come visit you

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Art by Alex Twin

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