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Ending

There were so many things I was worried about through the semester and leading up to the trip. Travelling in a group of writers, travelling outside of Australia, communicating with people who can’t speak english, writing a blog and sharing my feelings, group work, editing other peoples work. These are just some.

I felt this anxiety creep up to me as I first applied. Wrap itself around me and hold me captive. Frozen. I find myself describing this particular sensation over and over again as what I imagine it would feel like to be frozen. Like I was moving around the world, and then suddenly brought to a stop by a thick coat of ice. No escape. But I realise I can still dream and so I leave the ice, in my head, and it is as if it never existed. Until I start going numb.

Like always, things didn’t turn out nearly as heinous as I had imagined. Despite my reluctance around blogging at the beginning of the semester, I’ve grown to appreciate it, now. With time, I’ve managed to shape my posts into reflections of my thoughts and feelings. Whereas in the beginning  I preferred to write about past travels or informative and factual aspects of the tour.

The friends I made during our time in China were some of the best I’ve made in such a short amount of time. We only spent ten days together, but it was so incredible to be surrounded by fellow writers, and I realised I had a lot in common with a few of them.

Going to China made me really question who I want to be as a person. In the past, I’ve given myself a hard time about always needing to be assertive and outgoing, even though I know that it’s most definitely not how I portray myself. However, the tour was so jam packed with activities and sights to see that I don’t think there was ever a moment for me to second-guess how others might be perceiving me. It was almost a relief. Ultimately, I was reminded of the power I have in being myself, and how much more fun I have when I am.

Here are my six favourite blog posts, all showcasing the different mindsets I have shifted to over the semester:

Reflections https://t-robinsoncrusoe.tumblr.com/post/164159370235/reflections

What we see and what we don't see https://t-robinsoncrusoe.tumblr.com/post/165253526990/what-we-see-and-what-we-dont-see

Culture Shock https://t-robinsoncrusoe.tumblr.com/post/165253733165/culture-shock

What problems may arise, and how do you fix them? https://t-robinsoncrusoe.tumblr.com/post/167620919625/what-problems-may-arise-and-how-do-you-fix-them

First Impressions https://t-robinsoncrusoe.tumblr.com/post/168726125850/first-impressions

Last Thoughts https://t-robinsoncrusoe.tumblr.com/post/168726263015/last-thoughts

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Yángshuò

To think that we almost didn’t go.  

It was impossible to determine just how magical this place would be. Beautiful, misty mountains shaped like thin isosceles triangles and covered in bright green shrubbery. Time seemed to escape me as I looked out the window of the car during the journey from the train station to the hotel. The trip lasted for about an hour, but I was unaware it would take that long, nor did I mind. These mountains seemed never ending. Each different from the one before, each a completely new wonder in its own right.

Then, nestled in-between the mountains was the cobbled stone and neon lighted main street. A standout from the other seemingly rural surroundings. Turning down one lane, we were immediately accustomed with a million fairy lights hanging over the street (see picture below).

Yangshuo was intensely beautiful. It glowed in the mist, in the rain and wind. It made me think about other places in the world that I haven’t been to, or even heard of. I was in awe, truly, and I don’t think I had ever experienced that before.

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Last thoughts

One of the hardest parts to any kind of group work is the overwhelming feeling of having other people relying on you to do your part and to do a good job. I guess it’s the responsibility to not only contribute work, but meaningful work. Work that gets you an HD, work that is measured. The thing about writing, however, is that it can’t really be measured. It can be edited, it can be improved, but it can’t really be put on a scale and given a tick or a cross next to it. But if you’re reading this blog, you probably already knew that.

I think what I struggled with the most during the trip was likening the joint anthology to a stage with all the authors standing on it, being compared and comparing each others work. Because, no matter how rationally I will myself to think, sometimes I still can’t shake that primitive, infuriating insecurity that my work is definitively inferior.

What I learnt, or rather, what was reinforced in my mind, was that no one is the same, and you can’t compare writing because you can’t measure writing. Sure, everyone is at different points in their craft, some more refined than others, but the beauty of the anthology is its differences. Its turns and curves, how individual drawings mark the top of each new story, depicting what will entail. I had the luck of getting to watch Lisa draw them all and see the clear distinctiveness in everyones thinking.

Like always, my loathsome insecurity managed to dry up pretty quickly. I find that it comes from a place of not knowing. In this case, it was not knowing my fellow creative writers on board the anthology with me that well. However the study tour gave me the opportunity to get to know them, which is what I am most grateful for.

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Notes

Along with complementary pictures, here are some notes I made whilst in China.

It is crazy how busy we are. 7AM wake up, editing, walking from one end of Sun Yat-sen University campus to the other six times a day, meeting Chinese students, sitting in meetings, eating, workshopping, reflecting.

The first day after landing was hectic. It was like a cold bucket of water was poured over my head, albeit a welcomed one. We dived head first into meeting our Chinese students, something I was very excited about. The initial awkward silence aside, we ended up having a really interesting conversation, starting with their writing and the inspirations behind their stories, and moving on to their hobbies, culture, and family. It was eye-opening in a way you could never prepare for.

Later that day, we met up with a group of second-year students. Again, it was interesting to hear about their lives, but also, this time I noticed some social behaviours that previously I had never experienced. The four girls in the group were all very quiet, but there was one girl who seemed to take the leadership position. When either me or my partner, Pallavi, asked a question, it seemed as if she would answer it for the group.

(The Canton Tower, referred to by locals as ‘the slim waist of a woman’)

One of my favourite parts of the trip was when we went to the local mall. Most of the clothes, although gorgeous, came in sizes too small for me. However, it was amazing to see the english phrases printed and stitched onto jumpers, most of which were entirely incorrect.

Yangshuo! I hadn’t done much research on the place. Despite writing a brief blog post, I hadn’t thought much about it, other than knowing it had some nice views. Upon arrival, it was impossible to miss the bright green mountains encircled by mist dotted around the region. It was also impossible to take a bad photo.

(West Street, Yangshuo)

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First impressions

My first impression of Guangzhou was made in the backseat of a car as the driver sped along the highway, zooming between cars and in and out of different lanes.  

After arriving, Georgie, Jess, Lisa and I left the airport for the hotel in two taxis. It cost more money than it would have if we caught the bus, but we had just gotten off a nine hour flight, it was 6AM, and we were exhausted. We pointed out the address of the hotel on a piece of paper we had printed out from home, the hotel name written in Chinese so they could understand. The drivers nodded and took off with us sitting tight, and seatbelt-less, in the back seats.

The bright purple flowers potted in the barricade between the roads of the highway were blurry as we sped past them. Leafy and lush trees slightly hanging over the edges of the white lines. Huge apartment buildings with an uncountable amount of cut-out balconies, with an uncountable amount of laundry hanging from within them. I found it mesmerising.

I remember thinking that if I had never been given this opportunity, I probably wouldn’t have ever come to China. In my little sheltered life, you don’t really hear much about the country as a hot travel destination. However I think my lack of knowledge about the place, despite my efforts to gain some understanding before take-off, worked to my advantage. To be honest, I was completely surprised by just about everything. Street signs and store names, mountains in Yangshuo and towers in Guangzhou. Everything just seemed photo-worthy.

On the last day, I was showing some photos I had taken on my phone to a Chinese student named Peija Liao, who found them quite funny, as what seemed normal to her was strange to me. She laughed, and said to me, ‘Everything is new to you.’

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Yángshuò

“Yángshuò (阳朔) is one of China's gold-ticket draws. The once-peaceful settlement is now a collage of Chinese tour groups, bewildered Westerners, pole-dancing bars, construction and the glue that binds any tourist hot spot together – touts.”

(Taken from https://www.thepoortraveler.net/2015/09/guilin-li-river-bamboo-rafting-to-yangshuo-china/)

(Taken from https://www.tripadvisor.in/LocationPhotoDirectLink-g298556-d651196-i1975445-Club_Med_Guilin-Guilin_Guangxi.html)

(Taken from https://www.chinatouradvisors.com/Attractions/yangshuo-West-Street-30.html)

“Outside of town, which is the reason you will be here, the karst landscape becomes even more surreal and other-worldly. Take a bamboo-raft ride or cycle through the dreamy valleys and you’ll see.”

(Taken from http://twistedsifter.com/2015/03/northern-guanxi-province-china/)

(Taken from http://www.wwmtravel.com/?cat=Ground%20Tour%20&products_id=511211&subcat=China&ws=showproducts)

References https://www.lonelyplanet.com/china/guangxi/yangshuo

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What problems may arise, and how do you fix them?

It’s all starting to sink in. I’m packing at the moment, and I’m running out of room. I have a shift at work on the same day that I leave, which isn’t even a big deal but I’m still stressed about it for reasons I don’t quite seem to know. I’m thinking of the plane, being trapped in it for nine hours. Finding my way from the airport to the hotel, and then ten days later finding my way from the hotel to the airport for a 1:00AM flight to London.

But I’m going to China, and then London, which makes me feel better.

I find that most of the time, when I start to feel anxious, I tend to lose a lot of confidence in myself. To compensate I begin to put a lot of effort into defining my self through what other people think of me. But, since I can’t read minds, I automatically assume they are thinking the worst. Ugh, it’s exhausting.

Then, I go down this debilitating spiral of anxiousness where I get worried about every single tiny insignificant thing. No matter how trivial or irrational, it’s there with me like a bad smell in a cramped space. I can go on for hours, or days, like this. Usually, the only way to come out of it is to talk to someone. Or write.

I’m going to China, and then London. It makes me feel better because I am going overseas, and I’m going to meet interesting people and I’m going to have great experiences. I’m going to see my sister, her partner, and their two little kids. I’m not standing still, I’m going.

And then, all of a sudden, I realise there is a door in my smelly cramped box, so I open it and move on.

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Strange Alchemy

A suite of found poetry by Natalie Briggs, Taylah Robinson, Kat Capel, Kate Abbey and Travis Franks

Anticipation aka Questioning aka Scared aka Confused aka Overwhelmed by Natalie Briggs

It’s important to establish, looking past language, It’s really only me who cops it

My brother pointed out it was unlikely: an instant messaging service, our eventual meeting

But their family and anyone associated with them: compromise surely a part of this process

Vulnerabliity Mere imitation What your voice Sounds like

Hyper-ware petri-dish getting it all wrong

Anyone who has ever tried in a real-life context

Unable to play convincingly

No one owns their repuation. Ask Taylor (Swift).

The people of Guangzhuo are crazy about flowers

My goal is set

Tap water, I think it’s best to know that

A stranger didn’t read my blog

Web users often

buy programs powered by algorithms to build up their social media profiles

_

You must be bold to speak in another language. Coincidence, of happenstance, of serendipty and irony.

This is how I see the world: how much confidence is required?

Counter intuitive and missing the point. Infinite regression in the first place. Gaps between us both.

Take control of your Instagram, divvy out likes. Don’t worry about it. A desicion to forgo any posturing, that is enough to bring us together.

_

Quickly trying to capture Autumn, my sister’s boyfriend’s, family’s hotel room view.

There are 66 days until we leave to China, this tree language. Bustling conversation all around us.

Since then I’ve been trying to layer, ground my words.

Which language do I chose when there are so many out there?

With a cousin and some friends and someone asked me if I could speak Dutch?

The throat noises don’t come naturally.

It is a slow burning relationship. One language dies every fourteen days.

Random lives turn out to be not so random.

Eating spicy food. I want to discover people, share thier stories. Hopefully I can at least learn how to say hello.

A Mirage I Don’t Quite See, Yet It Makes Me Wonder by Taylah Robinson

What was the most unusual thing you did today? I have been invited to The Flower City. I was surprised, I never wanted to go to China, but now I am. It is

exciting daunting shocking I know nothing about the place. One must always prepare thoroughly, these are the words that enticed me:

— Guangzhou pens the nickname ‘The Flower City’ since the flowers

bloom all year round — A mirage I don’t quite see, yet it makes me wonder

what is going on in

your inner world? Isn’t it curious, 
this exhilarating experience, 
there were sixty-six days until we leave, and now there are less. So much to learn, I can follow my nose, and it seems virtually limitless.

Am I weird if I’m kind of looking forward to it?

You’ll move from the known

6

Will your senses be shocked? I was surprised, I’m also a daydreamer. everything will be different isn’t it curious — to the unknown.

Could this freedom relieve anxiety? Sparked, I let myself research legends, was surprised by a subtropical climate, gentle sunlight, and golden fields. Okay, but how good does this place look. You’ve never been and what parts of yourself can’t wait? A single, profound moment of connection. Allow to wade shoulder- deep in thoughts and emotions. I enjoy spending the weeks leading up to this thinking about the kind of story I might like to tell.

How am I not myself by Kat Capel

there’s no such thing as a clear sky this is important for me to start thinking about my dreaming of experiences an exercise altogether belonging to the imagination the imaginative and conceptual Floating around my mind all day It appears two dimensional at the moment For now I feel behind Who I was before I sometimes get stuck if that makes sense Submissive verses aggressive Control or power, either bad or good Who we think we are When you feel comfortable there, when you’ve been there a while The subject becomes even more complex it is about asking questions I want to experience What we see and what we don’t see The truth? A common question with seemingly no obvious answer I now realise the true importance I am not afraid Emotion in itself is universal I will let myself feel Crushed Let me share with you before I can overthink it all An act of vulnerability I have lost myself then found myself again Bumping, colliding, overlapping

Floating close to the surface I keep returning to the idea of identity and how I might slowly reveal myself How do we piece it together How much control do we have Probe deeper A foreign country Probe deeper Anyone can be a colonist What memories linger The feeling of being quite still, How it feels to touch visually Reflection What I saw

Exposure by Kate Abbey

I had a dream I was abroad a bruise, healed along with a burning trashcan full of sass and white noise I find myself a little overwhelmed

My digital selfhood appears to compose itself (like a diary, more public, less cringey) scrambling, crawling, stumbling the blood beneath pooling in the centre A psychic once said I wade shoulder deep through windows an unexplored space, a blank canvas thought in ink out of my depth

one of my fears is wasps the other is forgetting try not to panic in public bathrooms the thing of it is, I don’t really know how to edit

I like to imagine myself with metal jaws consuming teeth and bones

all writing holds the self they say it’s a gut clenching piece of yourself a stew comprised of snake and wildcat double exposure for a dunce like me

I sat in my car outside for a full ten minutes

There’s a slice of spicy pepper gallivanting in my shoe the arrows fly between the black blades of grass orchestras rap on the other side of the door as I turn and lope for home

how to spill oneself across the page is the question

Surgeon skills are what is required: jettison your Chelsea dagger replace it with a butter knife and a babushka doll toss in an immortal jellyfish, a white horse and a magical fairy munching peaches flowers will fill the street by a heart that shimmers

I had a dream I was abroad a bruise, healed

collage a me together piece by shining piece

EMPATHY IN THE EXCHANGE, or AN ‘EFFORTLESS CONVERSATION’ by Travis Franks

Peeking into the lives and minds of my fellow collaborators, I feel the responsibility of being a part of an experience beyond my own. An inner empathy and openness to listen and speak, and understand. To share an imagination we must stretch the muscle of empathy to include an understanding of the world, inhabit the life, thoughts and feelings of another person - there are more similarities than differences. Empathy reigns supreme. Empathy is everywhere.

Floating between the inner and outer state of being, wading shoulder-deep in thoughts and emotions (general *~feelings~* the whimsical ones) bumping, colliding, overlapping; tenuously co-existing with each other, something happens in that petri-dish of interaction in which both minds are essentially changed…

…a strange alchemy. An ‘effortless conversation’.

The exchange. The invisible agreement,

a mutual understanding of what we’re willing to share. Being vulnerable, one to the other you talk and listen. Together, you build something new. It’s liberating; the thrill of sharing, being in the company of others, each contributing different elements of the whole.

Voices will raise but they must be heard in a way that doesn’t silence the rest. Negotiating the gap in communication, navigate the barriers between cultural differences: habits, quirks and social customs, a collective experience being shared, consciousness pooling in the centre. Where do I fit inside of this imagination? this open fluidity?

Empathy is the ability to step in another’s shoes. Tread lightly, reach out, bring me closer…

I have been influenced.

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Culture shock

Our differences are only vast generalisations. Can they be held against every single person in the east to the same degree? Is this something I will recognise once we arrive?

I am not afraid of culture shock. The body interprets stress as either good or bad. The physiological stress is generated the same way, no matter how it will be interpreted. Whether you are watching The Walking Dead and enjoying the suspense and thrill, or you are feeling crushed by a enormous load of work, it is the same stress. I want to experience their culture. I am not afraid of culture shock. I know that there will be many differences, but I will not pull away if I feel frightened or uncomfortable. Good or bad, I will let myself feel, and accept it as that.

(A picture taken by my brother-in-law of my sister and I in Vietnam)

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What we see and what we don’t see

In this week’s class we discussed the differences in the ideals of eastern and western character. Being a part of a community versus individualism. Submissive versus aggressive. Contemplation versus assertiveness. What we see are the differences, and what we often neglect to see are the similarities.

Through the process of editing, I have been able to capture the meaning and intentions behind the work of my fellow creative writers. I believe that the anthology is a chance for both the Chinese students and the Australian students to create something that showcases our contrarieties and parallels. To create a new culture within the anthology, as was mentioned in class. Despite different upbringings, language, backgrounds, cultures — we can impart something special and relatable. Emotion in itself and in writing is universal. It is something we can understand in one another. This anthology represents a culture consisting of both the Chinese students and Australian students. I really hope to do their work justice.

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Editing

Essentially, editing is about improving the work not for the writer or the editor, but for the reader. It is about asking questions such as what makes this work more enjoyable, what works well, what needs to be addressed. Editing has to be objective, even though you are ultimately giving the writer your personal opinion. It can’t be about what you would write, or how you feel about a certain subject. What I have learned in today’s class is that you must edit with the reflection of what the author wants to convey.

I have yet to make contact with the students whom I have been assigned to edit their work, and it has occurred to me during this class the importance of doing that. Creating a relationship with the students so to form mutual respect for the purpose of editing their work, and not just to say hello, was something I had not yet thought of. After today’s class, I now realise the true importance of this first meeting. One of my jobs as an editor is to look at the big picture of their work, which entails asking for their own opinions, what they wished to convey in the piece, and how they would like to convey it.

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Reflections

What content can I write about? It is because of the freedom to write whatever I want that I find myself having trouble writing anything?

I find myself being drawn to writing about Guangzhou — culture, cuisine, history — but how can I write an honest blog post about these things without having seen the city beforehand? Without having walked the streets, smelt the air, watched the people, made judgements of my physical surroundings rather than what I see on the screen in front of me. How do I write a blog about these things in a way that doesn’t contend that I know Guangzhou enough that I don’t even have to go there?

A thought is to write lists of things to do, places to go. The top ten restaurants to visit, or write about cultural places and the history behind them. Not to be prepared, per say, but to understand. To go there and see with full clarity. To look at a temple and know it’s history, to hear it repeated back to me by tour guides, and remember it. The internet is so wide, expansive, knowledge and information just about bursting out of it, I think it would be silly not to take advantage of that.

Writing these posts about the place and it’s culture can also help me connect to it’s citizens. The people. Of course my understanding may only be two-dimensional — as flat as the computer screen I read it off. But I can ask, have a brief understanding of what I’m talking about. I will have created the foundation for further knowledge. I can ask, and listen until what I know is as real and physical as the city around me.

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Traveling Alone

 It was daunting. I was terrified. And it was one of the greatest things I’ve ever done.

Soon after I began my trip to Vietnam last year, I realised - or, more accurately, remembered - that I am a very introverted person. By traveling alone, I was able to stay at my own pace, explore what I wanted to explore. And yet it also forced me to be social. To engage with other people who did not always speak that same language. I felt at peace knowing that I could do this. I could be alone and revel in it, and also that I could step out of that comfort zone.

I have a knack for being able to dive into things head first, as long as it’s before I can overthink it all. So my secret is: don’t overthink.

Don’t be stupid, either. Keep your phone charged, by a cheap sim card, do your research. Be prepared, and allow yourself to feel scared. Just don’t let that feeling control or restrict you.

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A few things about Guangzhou...

Nestled around the Pearl River — also known by it’s Chinese name Zhujiang — is the City of Guangzhou. I’ve never been, and I’m excited to go. So let me share with you a few things I discovered:

The earliest known inhabitants were the Baiyue, a Tai, or Shan people, who lived under the Zhou Dynasty (1045 B.C. – 256 B.C.). During this time, the people suffered from a terrible famine that lasted many years. As legend goes, one day five immortals riding goats arrived from heaven and blessed the locals with favourable weather. The weather produced rich harvests, and to express their gratitude to the immortals, the people erected the “Five Immortals Temple,” (see picture below).

Back to the modern day:

The Guangzhou climate is subtropical with an average year-round temperature of 22℃. Travel Guide China contends the best time to visit to be between October and December. Excellent. We’ll be there in November.

In 2005, Guangzhou became a Beta World City — which isn’t as good as an Alpha, but still okay I guess. Oh wait, it IS an an Alpha now. First class and assertive — Guangzhou sounds like the woman I want to be.

Another interesting point — the city has a worldwide reputation for amazing food. I’m considering making a blog of top Guangzhou restaurants to visit. I’ve found that the Cantonese cuisine, Yue Cai, is a “must do” when in the city. Yew Cai uses a variety of ingredients, including birds and snakes. Snakes.

When it comes to trying new food, I find I have to push myself or else I’ll just order the chicken parmigiana time and time again. But I also love learning about different cultures, including traditional cuisine, and I know I’ll be kicking myself if I leave without trying anything new. I’ll have the snake, thanks.

On that note, bye!