t-oresama

[t-oresama]

12 years later...

Welp. I did this in June of 2013, most likely bored in my childhood room, home for summer break from college. Now it's 12 years later, and I've since graduated, gone to grad school and got my Masters, got married, moved into the house that used to belong to my grandparents, and just had my first child. So, that's a lot.

And I just got a new laptop and was going through all of my old stuff, including a draft of this 200 questions thing. I thought it'd be neat to see what changed from my 21-year-old self. And I'm also bored in my house. Let's goooo

(regular = 2013 answers, bold = 2025 answers)

200: My crushs name is: ...Sunny from SNSD? (I have many crushes so let's just start with the obvious one) Is saying "my husband" a corny answer? Oh well, it is and it is lol

199: I was born in: Plymouth, MA This hasn't changed, obviously

198: I am really: Hot. It's so hawt... Hungry, but I'm too lazy to make myself a real dinner

197: My cellphone company is: Verizon Still Verizon because I'm loyal

196: My eye color is: Brown/Hazel & Brown (depends on the lighting) That also hasn't changed, of course

195: My shoe size is: 7 1/2 Samesies

194: My ring size is: No idea (guess I'm screwed if someone wants to propose to me, eh?) I'm wearing a wedding band and I still don't know (which made it hard for that "someone who wanted to propose to me" lol). I think a 6...?

193: My height is: 5' 2 1/2" Same, unfortunately

192: I am allergic to: Pollen (recently discovered as of last month :D) Still pollen only. For now

191: My 1st car was: Yet to own one yet, but primarily drove the family minivan for the last 4 years (RIP Pearl 1998-2013) The first one I myself owned was a 2004 Honda CRV (RIP Maude 2014-2018)

190: My 1st job was: Working at my dad's pool store (still work there in the summers XD) Same

189: Last book you read: The Land of Stories To All the Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han

188: My bed is: In my room which is very hot right now... Being occupied by my husband

187: My pet: One's dumb and the other is prissy. Kinda like the pirncess and the pauper if the pauper was dropped on her head. A black cat named Penny, a perpetual jealous kitty

186: My best friend: With his waifu at their place, I'm guessing Probably with his waifu and also his son

185: My favorite shampoo is: one that doesn't smell too fruity or too flowery. Ugh. A lame medicated one to treat dandruff

184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox, but let's make it clear that I'm pro Xbox pre-Xbox One I guess XBox? I've still never played on a PS3

183: Piggy banks are: Loan sharks A cute idea for my daughter

182: In my pockets: Nothing because girls' pockets are too damn small to put anything in My phone and Airpods case

181: On my calendar: A daily alarm to take my pill (on my phone) Nothing because I'm ridiculously bad at updating my phone calendar

180: Marriage is: Romantic in theory Constant work but highly rewarding

179: Spongebob can: make Krabby Patties? Be watched by my daughter, but only the first 3 seasons

178: My mom: is in her room, which is on the third floor which means it is also very hot At her house

177: The last three songs I bought were? Perfume- 'Fake It', Ariana Grande- 'The Way', LeSSang feat. Jo Hyuna- 'The Pursuit of Happiness' Bought x.x Uhhhhh it has been a while... I think they were "Guilty" by Taemin, "Inside of Me" by HYDE, and "Medusa" by Jolin Tsai?

176: Last YouTube video watched: Journey's 'Separate Ways' sped up (Thanks Game Grumps) A rerun of Flavor of Love season 1 (the best season and I will not hear otherwise)

175: How many cousins do you have? Umm not counting the copious amout of kids they have, I have 11 Still 11, but with an even more copious amount of kids

174: Do you have any siblings? One brudda Same

173: Are your parents divorced? Nope Same

172: Are you taller than your mom? ...Yes XD But barely Same haha

171: Do you play an instrument? Is mayonnaise an instrument? (Piano and I sing) Sing still but I really should brush up on piano

170: What did you do yesterday? Worked and got pasta and ice cream with friends Stayed at home with the baby and let my husband sleep in and get garden work done. Nice chill day

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: No No

168: Luck: All I know is that I usually have bad luck I'd say this is about 75% still true

167: Fate: more like coincidence...? Yeah, still coincidence over fate

166: Yourself: Depends on what I'm doing but usually yes Not as much as I should

165: Aliens: Sure Yes

164: Heaven: Not like "golden gates and white angels" but somewhere nice, yes More the concept than anything

163: Hell: Like before, not the stereotypical hell, but some place where karma catches up with you Again, more the concept than anything

162: God: ...Again, not the stock image of him we usually see but there could very well be a higher power around And same again lol

161: Horoscopes: Sometimes they're dead on but mostly they're kinda lame No. They're so board and people kind of read and interpret what they want to from them

160: Soul mates: Yeah, souls need mates too Yes

159: Ghosts: No No

158: Gay Marriage: Absolutely Duh

157: War: Not unless we are directly (physically) threatened No

156: Orbs: Like... like crystal balls or what? I still don't know what this means

155: Magic: Yep Yes

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: Both! Hugs

153: Drunk or High: Scientifically, I'd rather be high High

152: Phone or Online: Online because backspace buttons Online on my phone?

151: Red heads or Black haired: Depends on whose head it is Red I guess

150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes Brunettes

149: Hot or cold: Cold because it gives me an excuse to cuddle and wear sweatshirts but honestly I hate both so much Still cold because it's easier to warm up than cool down

148: Summer or winter: Summer Winter. WTF was I thinking saying Summer?

147: Autumn or Spring: Spring Autumn because I'm not as allergic to stuff in the Spring

146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla Vanilla

145: Night or Day: Day I treasure the nights more now

144: Oranges or Apples: Apples Apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: Wavy, the friendly in-betweener I'll keep my cop-out answer

142: McDonalds or Burger King: Burger King's Burgers, but McDonalds fries Oh wow, I feel the opposite now. Burger King fries but McDonalds burgers

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate Same

140: Mac or PC: PC Same

139: Flip flops or high heals: Neither Flip flops if forced to choose at gunpoint but I like my flat, closed-toe shoes

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and poor Sweet and poor

137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi Same

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama This is so dated lol. Still Obama. Miss you, king...

135: Burried or cremated: Not sure actually... Cremated. Less expensive for my loved ones and I don't want to take up land space with a whole coffin

134: Singing or Dancing: Singing Same

133: Coach or Chanel: Neither Same

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: XD How old is this survey? Both were irrelevant while they were still on Idol This is older now more than ever XD I guess Kat because she still pops up every now and then?

131: Small town or Big city: Love my small town but I love the city rush too Small town I guess

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target for clothes, Walmart for everything else Surprisingly same

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Sandler Same

128: Manicure or Pedicure: Yuck, neither Still neither

127: East Coast or West Coast: East coast Same

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas Same

125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate Same

124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney Six Flags. Closer to home and less expensive

123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither... don't kill me Neither

[ Here's What I Think About ]

122: War: Don't go into it senselessly or without provication Men started all wars, and then men complain about a system and repercussions they perpetuated

121: George Bush: He was good for a laugh He seems like an amazing president compared to what we have now...

120: Gay Marriage: Should have been nationally recognized a loooong time ago... Still should be legal, and if we stopped making such a big deal about it, we'd probably be better off

119: The presidential election: Why bother with the electoral college numbers around? We fumbled hard. We could have had Kamala...

118: Abortion: Support, especially for health risks and rape victims Still support unequivocally

117: MySpace: BUT IT'S THE NEW PLACE FOR MUSIC GUYS I kind of miss it lol

116: Reality TV: Guilty pleasure Still a guilty pleasure (see #176)

115: Parents: Cool (yeah I said it) Still cool but as I've become an adult and a parent myself, I can see that they have flaws too

114: Back stabbers: put the knife down and get a life A risk when you trust people but don't let them deter you from trusting people

113: Ebay: Convenient Still convenient

112: Facebook: Drama with certain people If I didn't have all my contacts and pics there, I'd have deleted it a long time ago

111: Work: Holla holla gettin dolla If the US adopted 4-day work weeks, we'd have a lot of social and economic problems solved

110: My Neighbors: Great! (They're my grandparents XD) Great! (They're my parents XD)

109: Gas Prices: If there's one thing I miss about the 90s, it's the gas prices... I'm always happy when they're under $3

108: Designer Clothes: Overpriced for ugly things (usually) You can almost always find them for a good price at a thrift store if you really want to

107: College: Better be worth the 4 years when I try to use it to get a job Overpriced but miles better than high school (also yes, it was worth the 4 years!)

106: Sports: Overhyped with overpaid athelets (except for hockey and rugby) Still overhyped with overpaid athletes, including hockey and rugby players. And their fans are no different from music fans, may even be worse

105: My family: So weird Still so weird

104: The future: It's a-coming steadfastly Is a scary thing lately

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: Yesterday night Yesterday night!

102: Last time you ate: 7pm 8:30pm (I've eaten since starting this)

101: Saw someone I haven't seen in awhile: Two days ago Today!

100: Cried in front of someone: All wednesday February, I think

99: Went to a movie theater: Two weeks ago November 2023

98: Took a vacation: Oh geez... last year? I guess February, though I wouldn't consider that really a vacation. Just a destination away from my home state

97: Swam in a pool: Last year but I'm dying to swim like, now Wednesday when I went to my daughter's swim class

96: Changed a diaper: Never Looooooool how times have changed. Last time was 6pm

95: Got my nails done: Never May 5th 2018, the day before my wedding

94: Went to a wedding: February My own in 2018...?

93: Broke a bone: Never Never

92: Got a piercing: 4 years ago I think 4 years ago from 2013, so16 years ago?

91: Broke the law: Never Never... that I've been caught for lololol I jaywalked

90: Texted: Ten minutes ago 25 minutes ago

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: My brother and my friends Same

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My family and friends I've left home and came back and I still have my friends and family close by with the exception of my brother, so I say him

87: The last movie I saw: Shallow Hal A Cinderella Story

86: The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: Getting a replacement car... Getting this computer all set up. And also midterm elections

85: The thing im not looking forward to: Living with my beau Why was I not looking forward to this??? Anyway, I guess it's seeing my daughter grow up so fast

84: People call me: STACY THEY CALL ME HER THAT'S NOT MY NAME (for names, they call me my name, for phone calls, people know I hate talking on the phone so basically never) By my name?

83: The most difficult thing to do is: Stop procrastinating God, this is still true...

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Nope No

81: My zodiac sign is: Capricorn Same, obviously

80: The first person i talked to today was: My dad My daughter

79: First time you had a crush: 4th grade, Chris Lantz Same, duh

78: The one person who i can't hide things from: My boyfriend and my best friend My husband

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Oh, probably yesterday Today for sure

76: Right now I am talking to: No one My good friend and my mom

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Write I grew up to be a librarian

74: I have/will get a job: I have a job I have a job! And hopefully I won't have another one

73: Tomorrow: Internship work All day with my baby

72: Today: Socializing hopefully Worked and decompressing now

71: Next Summer: First summer ever where I don't have to worry about the looming first day of school First summer with my daughter, where we'll celebrate her first birthday. It's 3 months from now and it seems so far away x.x

70: Next Weekend: Party for a good friend and hopefully my boyfriend will come down! I'm not sure what I'm doing. Maybe recording for my recreational podcast?

69: I have these pets: Who are needy and special A cat who is needy and... that's it. Needy

68: The worst sound in the world: Country music The sound of my daughter crying

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Myself, I guess Yeah, probably myself

66: People that make you happy: Family, friends, nice strangers, just any positive person Same to all but now my daughter too

65: Last time I cried: All Wednesday I can't remember but I'm pretty sure it was recent

64: My friends are: One of a kind Still true

63: My computer is: Quirky Shiny and new!

62: My School: is in the middle of nowhere My last school was online, but ironically based in the middle of nowhere

61: My Car: Dead (RIP Pearl) Old reliable

60: I lose all respect for people who: Give into peer pressure or are mean-spirited People who voted for Trump

59: The movie I cried at was: UP. I watched it for the first time 3 weeks ago and was done ten minutes in Honestly don't recall

58: Your hair color is: Dark brown with natural light brown highlights in the light Same

57: TV shows you watch: Mostly reality TV and I'm especially a sucker for shows from CBS Same lol

56: Favorite web site: Tie between Tumblr and Youtube Sorry Tumblr. YouTube is king, followed by AO3 and Twitter when people there aren't being ridiculous

55: Your dream vacation: Japan Same

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Tie between heartburn and when the meds wore off after I got my wisdom teeth out GIVING BIRTH. "Heartburn", oh you sweet summer child...

53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium well Same

52: My room is: Just the way uh-huh uh-huh I like it A place I miss. I miss my childhood bedroom full of posters and every inch of my personality

51: My favorite celebrity is: A mix of pretty boys and pretty girls Same haha

50: Where would you like to be: In my own apartment with my beau Here at home

49: Do you want children: Yeah but just one Eyyyy guess what, past me? Still the case

48: Ever been in love: Yes Yes

47: Who's your best friend: Sean aka Mr. Taxi Same :3

46: More guy friends or girl friends: Guys in my hometown, girls at my college. Funny how that turned out... Good mix of both, actually

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Laughing Seeing my daughter smile

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My boy My brother

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: ...no... Still no. I guess I just took things a year at a time

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: ...no... No. I guess I've been procrastinating. Shocking

41: Have you pre-named your children: ...yes XD Sunny for a girl and August for a boy Well, uh, I didn't name her Sunny. But only because my husband knew a Sunny who he couldn't stand lol August would still have been my boy name

40: Last person I got mad at: Oh, myself, definitely The government as a whole

39: I would like to move to: Japan Canada at the moment

38: I wish I was a professional: Task manager Whatever the opposite of a procrastinator was

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Reese's peanut butter cups Same, those and Cookie Dough Bites

36: Vehicle: MY VAN PEARL I MISS HER SO My 2010 Honda CRV, Opie

35: President: Theodore Roosevelt...? Obama

34: State visited: New York I guess South Carolina?

33: Cellphone provider: Verizon Same

32: Athlete: Pfft I dunno Same

31: Actor: Woody Harrelson I must have just watched Zombieland loooool. I don't think I have one

30: Actress: Not sure actually... Still don't have one. Maybe Anya Taylor-Joy?

29: Singer: Ariana Grande Utada Hikaru

28: Band: American- Fall Out Boy, British- Spice Girls, French- Superbus, Korean- BigBang, Japanese- Antic Cafe. YUP All same except American is definitely My Chemical Romance, and Canadian is Softcult

27: Clothing store: Forever 21 RIP :( I guess now it's American Eagle since they're the only place that has pants that fit me exactly. But also Savers for everything else

26: Grocery store: Shaw's I suppose Hannaford

25: TV show: At the moment, I'm really into tattoo-related shows I keep rewatching VH1 reality shows from the 2000s-2010s, but I'm also in the throes in season 48 of Survivor

24: Movie: Don't really have one Still don't really have one

23: Website: Tumblr and Youtube. You asked this already. YOU'RE SLIPPING See #56

22: Animal: Giraffe Same, always

21: Theme park: Canobie Lake has a special place in my heart Same

20: Holiday: Christmas Same

19: Sport to watch: Hockey I guess hockey still?

18: Sport to play: Tennis Yeah sure tennis

17: Magazine: Weekly World News (back in the day) That still! Or People, they're okay

16: Book: At the moment, "The Fault in Our Stars" "The Elephant Man" by Christine Sparks

15: Day of the week: Saturday Sunday. It's the only day I'm guaranteed not to work

14: Beach: Any beach in Florida Yeah, basically, just any beach that isn't in Massachusetts

13: Concert attended: Tie between BigBang and Spice Girls reunion concert Those AND the My Chemical Romance reunion concert

12: Thing to cook: Toast XD Same! It's my version of morning coffee

11: Food: ...Toast Right now, S'mores Oreos

10: Restaurant: Fire and Ice Longhorn Steakhouse

9: Radio station: I don't listen to the radio but if I reeeally have to, it's 955 WBRU I listen to radio even less now. As in not at all, except at Christmas time

8: Yankee candle scent: Anything apple Same. Or Balsam. Or just anything autumnal

7: Perfume: ...Yuck Double yuck

6: Flower: Dunno, they all smell the same to me Daffodils, or just any bulb-based flowers

5: Color: blue Same

4: Talk show host: Steve Wilkos? XD Maury all the way

3: Comedian: Bo Burnham and BrentalFloss I don't think I have one for someone whose profession it is. Just anyone that can make me laugh

2: Dog breed: Beagle Schnauzers or Scottish Terriers

1: Did you answer all these truthfully ? To the best of my memory Sure did, 12 years later!

200 thing that you COULD have put in my ask if I wasn't bored and hadn't already done it. Sorry.

[t-oresama]

day 026 // gd x looks

pink jiyong for @babyjiyongie ♡

[t-oresama]

Okay, well, I’m back here because Twitter is dying a slow and painful death, apparently

It’s @trippydesu/Tory from Twitter here for a Tumblr renaissance lol

[t-oresama]

[t-oresama]

I do it every time

Every class I voluntarily take, I stress myself out because I get distracted by dumb shit like videos or web comics. You know, things that, unlike my grad school work, don’t have a deadline and I could go back to whenever. I seriously do this every time and try my damndest to think that THIS semester will be different. Well, there is that saying about what the definition of insanity is, so maybe...

I also don’t want to self-diagnose myself. I have a friend that treats TikToks like gospel, you know those ones that are like “Having ADHD be like...” and people watch them and go “OMG that’s related to ADHD? I guess I must have it!” When did we decide that every person who posted a mental health TikTok was a doctor/therapist/psychologist? It’s mind-boggling. That being said, I have always had doubts that my head was completely screwed on straight, for lack of a better term. I’ve always felt like I had something that would explain (even a bit) why I do/act/say/think the way I do/am. Has to be, right? OCD? ADD/ADHD? Perhaps being on the spectrum? It would greatly benefit me to get an official diagnosis instead of Google-searching all but WebMD and, like my friend does with TikToks, treat those “You may have ADHD if...” quizzes like a true blue diagnosis.

The fuck-up thing, however, is that I know I won’t do this (seek a therapist, get a professional opinion) until after my school is over and done with. And these problems such as extreme distraction from crucial tasks, stressing until my stomach turns, clenching my teeth in my sleep to the point of headaches because even in sleep, I am a perpetually stressed mess, only come out the most during school. I’ll be done in a year, and I’ll still want to know what makes me act the way I do, but it won’t be as exacerbated. Like, it feels like I won’t have as much proof once/if/when I graduate. But I guess it would still be beneficial to know, right? Just so I can figure out why I go about school this way, and why I can’t do things linearly like everyone else. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll find a justification for people telling me I’m smart and good at academics. Because never in the history of forever have I felt that this was true or applicable to me. I just... get by. I’ve always been my biggest academic adversary, and the biggest quizzes aren’t final exams, but pushing my brain to persist and not detract from the goal at hand. Every time. I’m used to it and hate it.

So now that I’ve vented, it’s off I go to bullshit an essay with chunks of readings that I’ve actually read in an attempt to present it as though I actually read everything. As usual. 

[t-oresama]

idk maybe domestic abuse trials shouldn’t be treated as entertainment

[t-oresama]

80s Items made out of paper

[t-oresama]

WarioWare, Inc.: Mega Microgames! (GBA, 2003) Mona - Butterfingers

[t-oresama]

A memorable Christmas

Just wanted to mark every detail while it’s fresh in my mind)...

This Christmas was going to be a strange one with COVID still being rampant but more easy to detect, prevent, and be aware of. But at least it was one where my family could gather again (I still took an at-home COVID test this morning; one of my greatest fears besides getting the disease itself is passing it on to people I care about). But this Christmas was always going to be difficult as well. My cat and our family cat for 18 years both died within two months of each other, and more than that, my grandmother died in July from complications from a fall. Her health deteriorated in the span of just over a week and she died on my brother’s birthday. What was supposed to be a visit with her as she rested at home quickly turned into a last goodbye and, within that same hour, I was around to see her last breath. So with Christmas at my grandparents’ house with just my grandfather there for the first time in myself and most of my family’s lives... it was going to be tough. Before this, my first grandparent-- my other grandfather-- passed away in 2017, and he was our resident photog. He loved his disposable cameras, pure film, and doing candid shots. Something about us acting natural appealed to him, I suppose. But when he passed, I realized just how few pictures of he and I there were, and ever since then, I have become obsessed with taking pictures of my family during special occasions. Neither side of my family has ever been big on picture-taking and I already have trouble remembering things, so it seemed natural to take on this task that, well, no one really asked of me.  So when my grandmother died this year-- my Grammy-- I became the one to look to for modern-day photos of her for her memorial service. And while looking through pictures, I came across two short videos I’d taken. I don’t really know what compelled me to cross the threshold from photo to video, but I know what prompted me to want to hold onto the memory. It was Christmas 2018, and my family (parents, extended, grandparents) were all gathered playing a trivia card game. My mom is big on trying new fun games to play on the holidays, if not the go-to of Pokeno. And during this game, my grandparents were bantering. My Grammy was a master at bantering and my grandfather-- Grampy-- I think really found the back and forth endearing. He would laugh at what she’d say or make a comment my Grammy would deem as “fresh,” or try to reason with her by calling her his nickname for her, Butch. They were a perfect balance of one another, and I always loved their conversations. That’s what made me take the videos. Short ones because they were candids. Regretfully I ended up missing taking videos of their banter, but it was still her interacting with the family and being her happy self, my Grampy laughing along off to the side. It was her voice, her cadence, her true authentic self. And, as far as my mother could tell me, I now held the only video of her from within the last 20 years. I knew this had to be something I had to share with my Grampy. I was even more reassured of this when, just last week, he told my mother, “You know... no matter how hard I try, I just can’t remember her voice anymore.” And I could tell this really ate at him. How sad would it be to forget the voice of the person you were married to for nearly 60 years after just 5 months? Since my videos were ones I took on my phone, I wanted my Grampy to have a tangible way to remember my Grammy, and not just by sending video files to him. So I bought a digital photo frame that also played videos with audio (very hard to find ones that play audio, believe it or not!), put those videos on a SIM card in case he ever wanted to add to it, tested it-- there she was. Visually there, smaller than when my own eyes had seen her that day in 2018, but bigger than a cell phone screen. Even though I’d seen those videos a dozen times since her death, it made me emotional seeing her in a more enhanced way. Today, we gathered for Christmas at my Grampy’s (I still can’t help but call it “my grandparents’ house). We did presents, but I waited until the end so the room would be a little calmer, when less eyes would be on him. I can’t describe how nervous I was. Though I know he missed her dearly, he didn’t like talking about her at length much these days, and I didn’t want to catch him off-guard. So, present in hand, I kneeled next to his recliner chair and said “This is from me. It has to do with Grammy, so if you want to wait until later to open it, that’s fine.” I think that compelled him to open it, saying that. I think he knew she would come up in some capacity this Christmas anyway. He opened up to the photo frame box, and I explained to him that I had somethings loaded on it already. After getting the packaging off of the frame, I plugged it in and went to the video function. This frame shows a preview of the video in a thumbnail, so I went to the “view” function as quick as I could. For some reason, I just didn’t want the first time he saw this to be in any way but the full resolution of the frame.  The video played immediately, and they play on a loop. For anything else, two videos that make up less than a minute total would be annoying. But it was certainly anything but to my Grampy. He first saw the video before hearing much of anything, but upon seeing it asked when I took the video. We watched a bit more together and I turned around to see his face absolutely crumble. It is a face that will stay with me forever. His eyes immediately got teary, which made me teary, as he watched the videos a few more times on rotation, body, and thereby hands, getting shaky with muffled sobs as he held the frame. He is always has such composure, something about seeing him change so quickly took me by surprise, but made me realize that this meant something deep to him. I told him I heard he wanted to hear Grammy’s voice again and I wanted to give it to him. Miraculously neither of us cry, but we are both teetering. His voice is wavering, and the moment is so overwhelming I don’t remember verbatim what he said, but it was along the lines of “Thank you so much hon, this is just wonderful” and we hugged the most emotional hug ever. The day continued on. He regained his composure ridiculously well, but he’s sort of been this way from the day after my Grammy died. Christmas was a new kind of familiar, we played a new usual trivia game. My Grampy laughed and had a brilliant smile that is honestly hard to get on film but lovely to see in person. I took my usual candids for posterity. As we were saying goodbye when night drew near, I had to get going and went to him saying “Merry Christmas”. He looked at me fondly and said “Tory, I can’t thank you enough for that picture frame.” He pulled me in for a hug. “Absolutely wonderful,” he said as he hugged me in a hug that felt more meaningful than usual.  I am currently trying not to cry as I write this. There’s a really heavy, indescribable feeling about being able to give someone something they thought they’d never get back, and something additionally about acknowledging the missing presence in the room after having to kind of tip-toe around it. Nothing meant more that night than making sure my Grampy had a way to remember not just my Grammy, but that memory. An innocuous one of a tiny snippet of a silly holiday game. But with my Grampy I know it will be cherished, as I have since finding it. It also made me reflect on this year’s loses and all of the changes that really do affect me when I take time to reflect on them. So this Christmas was a new normal, not just because of COVID, but because of the time it took, and sometimes the people it took. I miss my Grammy dearly, but not as much as my Grampy does, not that I’m trying to measure grief. But my Grampy lives in his house by himself, without a person he shared it with for the majority of his life. And maybe, just maybe, hearing my Grammy’s voice and seeing her naturally whenever he wants to will help my Grampy feel less lonely. I hope that, anyway. He deserves it.

[t-oresama]

what did you procrastinate on?

Many many things lol

If you're referring to a post I wrote before, it was related to schoolwork. I've never ever felt comfortable working on assignments early. Even if given a week or two to do an assignment, I tend to wait to do assignments in the last 48 hours. And it absolutely stresses me out to do this but I always do. It's like a weird stressful comfort zone? Because it's all I've ever really done even though it's severely unhealthy.

I do procrastinate on many other things in my life, but that one is a constant. It's mainly things that aren't a passion of mine, or like a hobby. It's always the important life things that seem to be subject to procrastination. I'd love to see a therapist someday or someone who can help sort out my brain and why I do things like this the way I do haha. Maybe someday...

[t-oresama]

I remain the queen of self-sabotage

That is all

[t-oresama]

[t-oresama]

[t-oresama]

You and me, we always seem to find our way back to each other.

[t-oresama]

[t-oresama]

Companies during disasters

[t-oresama]