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do you trust her

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There’s a turtle in my yard laying eggs

This bitch really gonna dump her kids on me and vamoose

I’m not ready to be a single mom

I know shit about reptiles

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Candid pics? No, take cryptid pics of me. Make me as blurry as possible. My eyes glow. I’m in places I logically can’t be in.

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Have I posted this yet

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Когда хозяин где-то шарахается, а ты дома один.Нечёсаный. Неглаженый. Нецелованный….

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When you throw out the packaging of a microwave dinner and immediately forget how long to microwave it for

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Thomas: People say Henry and I look alike, but i don’t see it.

Henry: Oh, come on. Roll with the joke, Thomas.

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How come reading tea leaves is seen as this sophisticated, witchy thing but if I slam dunk an open can of Chef Boyardee ravioli onto the pavement in the gas station parking lot to see what kind of soda the old ones think I should buy, foodstuff divination suddenly isn’t cool anymore?

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we make fun of m/f ships but sollux and aradia were legends…. just decided they were done with living peoples shit. fucked off into the void to hang out with ghosts for eternity. dont we all wish we could do that

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What’s your fantasy?

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orcs aren’t really mosters tbh. they’re demihumans. it’s barely above wanting to fuck catgirls.

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I’m a piece of shit but it’s fine

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casually call people “human” to unsettle them and make them question what sort of being you are

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breaking bad, fight club, rick and morty, clockwork orange, and the catcher in the rye are all arguably good things - but if a man says they are his FAVORITE book/movie/tv show? RUN.