system-q-blog

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times r tough, take care of urselves please

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"Persecutors"

Okay I've mentioned how I disagree with how Tumblr (and really every online DID community I've been a part of) views persecutors. For starters hi, this is Izabella, I am an alter that would usually be considered a persecutor. I lash out, I don't think before I speak, I've hurt people (including myself), I'm mean sometimes, all in all sometimes I do terrible things. And sure I've grown a lot and I regret a lot of the hurtful things I've done, I try to apologize for these things when I can.

Every part/alter acts a certain way for a reason. Using the term persecutor I found tends to diminish the reason that persecutors do what they do. Parts that lash out exist for a reason. They don't do it because they like to, everybody has a motive. I lash out because I was trying to escalate things before anyone else had the chance to.

Ignoring your persecutor alters is incredibly harmful. So many systems demonize their alters and lock them away. You cannot lock away your parts, it is harmful. No matter how awful it is you have to accept them because they're a part of you. Dismissing or endorsing their actions helps nobody and will only hurt you in the long run.

My suggestion is just, talk to them. Understand their motives, give them a say in the system and make them feel like they belong there. If you shun them away and say that they're horrible they'll keep lashing out. They lash out the same way a depressed teenager does. The longer you wait the worse it gets. These are alters that need help.

Tumblr has a way of demonizing them as well. Making them seem awful and horrible and also just labeling them as an alter you don't like. One of my biggest regrets is labeling one of us a persecutor. We let our persecutors decide they want to go by that term (I did not decide to as I felt constraint by that role but that's a different topic). One alter we chose the term for, he felt so awful and that he had to stay within the bounds of his role that he couldn't accept his actions or why he did them and eventually went dormant instead.

Don't demonize persecutors. They are not bad. They are not awful. They are hurting. They are doing what they think is right. Talk to them, learn from them, odds are they have something important to contribute to the system.

Every alter or part or whatever you want to call it has a reason to exist. Find out theirs.

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alter traits always have a reason

DID/OSDD is a survival mechanism of a traumatized developing brain. it's not going to spit things out without reason. one of the things DID/OSDD does, as we all know, causes alters to form after recurring trauma

those alters form because the brain believes it needs a part which can handle whatever it's trying to store. naturally, this means everything about an alter are all things that the brain believed it needed in order to survive. even things which seem undesirable (eg, a part that holds sadness and cries all the time) were needed because Someone needed to hold all of that

this means everything about an alter has a reason. sometimes the reason isn't drastic. maybe an alter likes one toy more than the other because they split at the age you got that one toy and that's all. other times it can be something that really needs addressing, like parts that lash out

this means there will be threads of similarity throughout the whole system because the divergencies are where different traits were needed. if you're white, your brain will not just decide to make certain alters identify as a different race for no reason. if you're not trans feminine, your brain won't just decide it needs a trans feminine alter. if you're cis, you won't just have a trans alter for kicks. the same as how a part that lashes out is not just lashing out without reason, or how a part that does schoolwork is doing it for a reason

there will always be an underlying reason why they identify or act a certain way. and it is up to you as a whole to reduce any/all harm that causes when that is applicable

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People talk so much about how lacking empathy makes people bad and evil that it's like everyone forgets that when it's cut down to its basics empathy by itself simply allows you to intimately and intuitively understand and act in accordance with other people's emotions. Yes, you can use that intimate understanding to cheer up your friends - but you can also very easily use it to manipulate people. Empathy is a tool, not an inherent virtue, and it can be used for both good and bad. So it's not whether or not you can intuitively recognize and effectively deal with other people's emotions which defines your mortality, it's how you choose to use that skill.

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Okay fam, I’m sick of seeing this. For DID to form, one must experience repeated trauma before the age of 6-9, not between 6 and 9. The self states of a ‘normal’ person fuse around that time, depending on the person. If you’re traumatized, dissociative, and have shitty attachments to your caregivers, then your self states might not form into one cohesive identity, giving your brain the ability to form alters. So... if people could stop spreading misinformation that would be cool

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What people think having DID is always like: Alter A is fronting, and then they switch with Alter B. Now Alter B is fronting.

What DID is actually like sometimes: Someone who thought they were Alter A is fronting, but after 1 hour they realize they’re not Alter A, and they have no idea who they are. 

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Tips for a healthier system

(We are not professionals, these are just things that we have found help with our specific system. Everyone is different and these may not work for every system.)

-Communication: This might be said a lot, but it’s really important to be able to talk with one other. Have an inner world? Visit one another. Hear each other in the headspace? Talk things over and get to know one another. Can’t communicate at all? Write in notes or journals; anywhere another alter could see. Write letters to one another to work towards communication. You are all living together, you don’t want to not get along. Don’t want to talk to a specific alter? See if someone else will speak to them for you. -Set schedules: This goes with communication, as you have to talk to set schedules. Even if you can’t follow them exactly, it helps if everyone is trying to work together towards when it is safe to switch and when it isn’t. Make sure everyone that wants to front gets some time to come out and be themselves. Schedules are good, however:

-Don’t Force Them: It’s not good to force an alter to not front, as that might cause in-system fighting or mess with any and all communication. Don’t make an alter do something they don’t want to do. Don’t force yourself to be happy. You are an alter too and you all deserve happiness and health. Just do what comes naturally to your system. -Personal Objects: It may help with scared or angry alters if they have something that belongs only to them when they front. If possible: give your littles some toys, get your male alters (if in a female body) some binders, get your female alters (if in a male body) some feminine clothing, get some sketchbooks/notebooks for you all to share things with each other. Just try to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy when fronting to help with everyone’s overall mood.

-Don’t Compare to Other Systems: Every system, every alter, every body; we are all different and unique. Some systems have 2 alters, some have 20, and some have 200. Don’t compare yourselves to others and don’t stress that you can’t communicate as well as other systems. You are allowed to ask for advice, to make your own rules, to do what you think is best for your system and not even follow these tips.

In the end just do what you guys feel is best for you and try to be happy together. Whether your goal is integration, communication, or even just to get by one day at a time. Be who you want to be, do what your system thinks is best for all of you. Take your meds if you need them. Cry if you feel like crying. See a therapist and get professional advice. It’s going to be okay, you’re not alone.

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Being part of a system is like:

*gets mad at system for not playing very specific song to dissociate to while drawing*

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That actually brings up something I’ve been wanting to address.

Listen. As helpful as it can be to have a community here, there are ideas that can make people expect things that actually aren’t common, or think that what IS common is a sign of something wrong, and these ideas permeate across the tumblr communities.

If you don’t know how many alters you have, that’s common.

If you have periods where you can’t tell who you are, that’s common.

If you have a blackout when normally you remember what happened, that’s common.

If you remember the basic idea of what happened but not details, that’s common.

If you find a lot of your alters behave similarly, that’s common.

If you can’t speak with your alters, that’s common.

If you have trouble identifying when an alter showed up, that’s common.

If you can’t figure out why an alter split, or what their job might be, that’s common.

If you find yourself behaving differently but having no control over it or didn’t switch, that’s common.

If you have trouble identifying key parts of yourself (things you like, your skills, your favorite things), that’s common.

The entire concept, the #1 symptom of any dissociative disorder, is that you have trouble connecting with the world around you, with your thoughts and your emotions, and your identity. This lack of self-identity (or lack of awareness of your self-identity) is a key feature of dissociative disorders. Because you never fully formed a complete concept of your identity and emotional responses to experiences, you do not have a stable concept of yoir identity.

This causes ‘fuzziness’ where you’re not quite sure about yourself. When you’re faced with the same situation twice, you might have very different responses. Your emotions don’t make sense to you and you aren’t sure why you feel them at all, or you aren’t sure if they’re real. Your thoughts go in different directions, even contradicting themselves, making it difficult to figure out where you stand on something, or what to do, or who you are. Your behavior changes, reacting differently to similar situations, or having drastic changes in interests and preferences, that you and others consider yourself unpredictable and hard to keep up with. You’re constantly second-guessing. You can’t remember very important information on yourself, but you know you must know it because at some point you did.

Dissociative disorders are a diagnosis for this very struggle, where your identity is a mystery, and you feel disconnected from yourself and your surroundings.

Dissociative Identity Disorder is having two or more distinct identities. They don’t have to have names. They don’t have to behave completely differently. They don’t have to have “jobs” or a reason they exist. They may not serve a function. But they are distinct enough that one can tell they’re almost two different people, and this disrupts the person’s life.

OSDD has multiple references. One is having switches in personality, with no memory loss. Another is having periods of blackouts, but no switches. Another is dissociation brought on by programming. And the fourth is for identities that overlap, but still distinct enough that some dysfunction arises.

Do all systems fit these categories? No.

Is it possible for someone to 'lose’ their diagnosis if they learn to function? No. (You do not lose a previous mental diagnosis unless you are retested and it is confirmed you never had that disorder. You can learn coping methods, but you’ll never stop having ADHD, or BPD, or PTSD. They still affect you, but you know how to handle it. If you no longer had it, you wouldn’t have the symptoms in the first place.)

Can you have dissociation without alters? Yes.

Can you have alters that are blurry and have no defined identity? Yes.

Can you have times you don’t know who you are, but haven’t switched? Yes.

Can you have inconsistent personality changes? Yes.

Can you know who you are, but it feels wrong or fake, and you haven’t switched? Yes.

Can you and your alters 'blend’ and be unable to separate each other’s distinct differences? Yes.

Can you have no idea what alter does what function or what their identity is? Yes, and it’s actually not common for an alter to have a decided “job.”

Can an alter’s identity shift? Yes.

Do not forget the “dissociative IDENTITY” in DID. This means you have no connection to your identity and it can change or become unknown or “wrong” to you. Your brain is all of those identities at once, and without a “core,” your identity will be fluid.

All the things you think aren’t common, really are.

Don’t let tumblr culture fool you into thinking that having defined appearances, voices, and jobs/types for each alter is the norm. It’s far from it.

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You are in a café with me, what tea do you order?

1. Rosehip tea: Which book did you love when you were younger? 2. Oolong tea: Which book series could you read again? 3. Rooibos: What is one of you favourite books? 4. Strawberry tea: Tell me about your first kiss, if you had one. 5. Apple tea: Tell me about your first break up, if you had one. 6. Earl Grey: Which countries have you visited? 7. Chai: Where do you want to travel next? 8. Darjeeling: What languages do you speak? 9. Hop tea: Do you have a favourite tea? Which one? 10. Herbal tea: Which person would you chose to travel the world with? 11. Nettle tea: Are you jealous on a person? Why? 12. Ice tea: Do you miss somebody? Why? 13. Yellow tea: What shampoo do you use? 14. Peppermint tea: What is your favourite gif at the moment? 15. Ceylon tea: Do you have a song you like, but have bad memories with? 16. Hibiscus tea: What is a song you can always hear? 17. Flowering tea: What is a movie you can always watch? 18. Pu-erh tea: What is a book you can recommend to others? 19. Turkish tea: What is your favourite cake? 20. Green tea: What was the first movie you saw in a cinema? 21. Blueberry-Muffin tea: Tell me a memory, which makes you smile. 22. Panda tea: Do you have pets? Which one? 23. Butter tea: Show / Tell me about one thing i your room you find awesome. 24. Hot chocolate: Do you have (a) stuffed animal(s) sitting in your room? Which one(s)? 25. 24 flavors: What is your favourite word? 26. Jasmin tea: Can you draw / paint? Wanna show me something? 27. Kombucha: What do you order on a pizza? 28. Cloud tea: Which movie do you want to watch next? 29. Gunpowder tea: If you had the chance: would you go to space? 30. Matcha: Bonus question of you choice! I might answer…

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Being rejected or revealed to others before we're ready.

Also the fact that it's very stigmatized and that people will call us crazy.

reblog if you're a DID/OSDD system who's afraid to come out to people about it.

(feel free to write the reason/s why if you feel comfortable)

I’m simply curious to see how many others feel the same way I do at times!

I’ve heard not many DID systems aren’t afraid to come out to others, but I’m not sure if that’s true or not.

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Nonverbal alters

You are not ‘lesser’ or embarrassing because you don’t speak

You don’t have to speak if it makes you uncomfortable

You are beautiful and amazing just the way you are

Don’t allow people to try to push you into verbal communication

You are just as capable of love and showing kindness without speaking

You are just as worthy of love and respect as anyone else

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Charlie's Introduction Post:-

🌃-**Bᴀsɪᴄ Iɴғᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ:**

↣:-𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚎 [𝙽𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚍 𝙲𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜]

►:-𝙷𝚎/𝙷𝚒𝚖 𝚘𝚛 𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚢/𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚖

↣:-19 𝚢.𝚘

►:-𝙷𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚂𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚊𝚛 𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚎𝚛

🌌-**Hᴏʙʙɪᴇs Aɴᴅ Iɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛs:**

↣:-𝚂𝚝𝚞𝚍𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐

►:-𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚠 𝚅𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚢

↣:-𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎

►:-𝙰𝚗𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚕 𝙲𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜

🌃-**Aᴘᴘᴇᴀʀᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ Aᴇsᴛʜᴇᴛɪᴄs:**

↣:-𝙿𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚝 𝙲𝚑𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚝

►:-𝚂𝚝𝚞𝚍𝚢𝚋𝚕𝚛

↣:-𝙻𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚕 𝚌𝚊𝚏𝚎𝚜 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚊𝚝 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝

►:-𝙻𝚘-𝚏𝚒 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚎

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System Ask Meme

1. How many protectors are there?

2. Are there any headmates that you don’t like or that don’t like you?

3. Who is the oldest and who’s the youngest alter?

4. Got any comforters like a stuffed animal, a blanket or something?

5. How many people know that you’re a system?

6. Are there any alters that are otherkin?

7. Are there any non-human alters?

8. When did your first headmate form?

9. How often do you switch in a week?

10. What things would cause a switch?

11. Name something that you like/enjoy but that one (or more) of your alters doesn’t

12. Your headmates’s favorite colors

13. How has being a system effected your love life/your relationships?

14. How has being a system effected your friendships?

15. Have your headmates got any disorders or disabilities that you don’t have or vice versa?

16. What are nice things you do for each other?

17. How many littles are there? How old are they?

18. Any headmates that you’re aware of, that might not be aware of being part of a system?

19. Got any fun system stories to tell?

20. Who’s your newest alter?

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System Ask Meme!!

🧣: How much discourse is there, if any, over clothing?

🎒: Who fronts at school/work?

💃: Is anyone more clumsy or coordinated than the others?

🖍: Does your handwriting/art styles differ between alters?

🔥: Any hot-tempered alters?

🦊: Any animal alters?

🎃: Any spooky alters? (Ghosts, vampires, werewolves, etc.)

🍊: Favorite fruits?

🌆: Favorite place outside of inner world/mind scape?

⛺️: Favorite place in inner world/ mind scape?

⚡️: Are any alters afraid of lightning/storms?

⭐️: Do any alters especially like space?

🌮: Spicy or mild?

🌼: Favorite flowers?

🎾: Favorite sports?

🍏: Sour or sweet?

🥬: Favorite vegetables? Are any littles especially adverse to vegetables?

🌎: If you could travel anywhere, where you you go? Does this destination differ between alters?

🌊: Can all alters swim? Is anyone afraid of water?

🦋: Are any alters afraid of insects?

☔️: Favorite type of precipitation?

🦄: Any fictives?

🍬: Favorite candy? Do any alters hate another’s favorite or vice versa?

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