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3 day EEG test to see if there were unrecorded events happening. This was done in October 2017.  I was monitored during a six hour stay at the neurologists office. The probe wires were then linked to a portable monitor that I was to take with me wherever I went. It would also record brain waves when I slept. I was allowed 30 minutes to disconnect for showering and to perform basic necessities. If I went past the limit the nurse in charge of the monitoring would call me to see what was going on, day or night.

The tests were all positive. Dr. Sutherling signed DMV paperwork saying that he felt it was safe for me to drive. He also reviewed the MRI images and said that I’ve been doing real well with my healing.

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Two weeks since last post. All good. Sleeping well. No auras.

Had thought as to what does one’s auric field look like when one is in seizure/event

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Many thanks to those who sent love and good wishes as I was going through crisis. It has passed and I feel my whole system is back online.

So in the spirit of Sri Ganesha, thanks to all for your assist in removing the obstacle, yeehah and thanks.

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August 22....

Begin with the Lamactil and Depakote on Monday, August 21. Immediate reaction to feeling better. This continue through rest of the week. No auras. No fluttering. I spoke with Mark McAfee of Organic Pasture Dairy. 

Have you tried a ketogenic diet with tons of raw Kefir probiotics. I do not have hard science behind this idea…but I have heard that this diet has worked for some seizure patients.

It makes sense because  irritable tissues in the brain are suppressed with good fats and headaches are reduced big time with probiotics and raw kefir. Inflammation is reduced with increases in intestinal Alkaline Phosphatase. See this study on raw dairy in France ( cheese and raw dairy is linked to big reductions of inflammation). JP Lalles French Paradox peer reviewed published study  NIH-Pub Med. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27241245

Meds are a hard to deal with subject. You can find a sweet spot with reduced therapeutic levels and the rest is managed with food. Yet….maybe not. Meds need their own sweet spot to work and sub therapeutic does not work either.

So here is the recap....

The side effects of Keppra are brutal. They may be good for a day or two for equilibrium. Then wean yourself off quickly. That said I still would suggest staying off completely. It was a pretty cool learning experience on how to negotiate out of a crisis with medication, experiencing the effects of CBD Oils. (Take with care and not a solution at this time) and having the assuring feeling that one's intuitions and decisions worked.

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8/20/2017

Take last 1/4 of Keppra Saturday morning. 3 days on this dosage. Make it through La Crescenta market. Decide to make the switch to Lamactil on Sunday morning. Back onto original dosage I was on from 2013 - 2017.

By the time I got to Brentwood Market I feel  huge improvement in mood, clarity, balance. I feel in my body. It’s good. Feeling last throughout market.

1) I finish and walk to bathroom. An aura/fluttering begins happen. I keep walking into the playground. The fear is if this happens when I am alone. I get to stall and do my thing. This aura is lingering. I make it though singing to myself.

Later I am at Neal’s and Meghan’s. Neal says my eyes look clear.

2) Sitting in the kitchen. I rub my face as I feel very tired. Craig comes over. We talk aura and fluttering happens after that.

3) In the living room sitting at the table. Having a small glass of wine. Aura/fluttering happens again. I leave the table and go upstairs to be out of sight if anything happens.

4) Aura/fluttering happens a fourth time.

Sleep goes well. I take dosage. I do have a shot of whiskey and a sip of wine when I wake twice in the night.

Woke this morning and do yoga practice.

This morning same dosage.  It is now 5:36 and day has been clear.

There has been a slow shifting away from bread and pasta.

Had real nice out door breakfast at Neal’s

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Precursor in sleep last night at Neal’s and Meghan’s. Moments on driving into Hollywood. Precursors again lying in bed to nap in SoPas at around 5:00PM. Last one left taste in mouth. Thinking of going over to lamactil tomorrow.

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Flutter this morning walking into kitchen and doing dishes.

Thoughts last night about the moment I felt that in seizure/event, time beds.

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Another evening at Neal’s and Meghan’s. Exhausted. Felt another flutter while outside finishing dinner. Went inside the house to clear. Sleeping I woke from dream with Carol and Daniel saying words along the line of “we want to go with you and there is something wrong” Got back to sleep. Woke in the middle of aura.

Took extra tab of Depakote to assist with sleep.

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Upon arrival home yesterday, I lay down. Side effects seem to hit strong. Panic attack like. Hopelessness. Is this the end. That bullshit. Texted Neal asking him to call. Eventually he did and asked me to come over. 

I spent the night. Go to bed at around 9:30. Waking at 1:45. Began to go through litany of mantras. At some point showered, had sips of whiskey and thoughts began to launch. I stay awake most of the rest of the night, showering 1-2 x, having 2-3 more drinks. I go through stages. Panic. Gentle hands resting on heart. Thinking if I should call Meredith and cancel. I decide to stay the course, somehow thinking that I would somehow get through the day

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Today, began treatment using cannabis oils. First drop was taken at around 2:00PM after the Burbank Market.

It’s awkward to describe feelings. Wednesday, August 9 was in and out of panic, excessive thinking, more disassociation than anything else and the hell of knowing and feeling that this is not me. It does seem congruent with side effects of the Kepra. That evening after waking from sleep I smoke some pot to get some sense of feeling. The disassociation continues. I reach out and post on Facebook in tears. “Send Love and Hugs. Emotionally Hurting” People come through.

I get through the day. I call Dr. Sutherling for his advice. He advise to half dosage of Kepra until I see him next in September. I have already haved his original dosage, so now I am at 500MG in the morning with 500MG of Depakote. I only take Depakote in the evening. I do the work I am committed to doing. I move, go to Vroman’s to read books. I walk into WoolHaus for succor. Michael is there. We share about our mutual experience. I say a funny thing, that “when I talk about Renee I feel open and clear, just like Jesus” There is a nice moment of clarifying. I go to SoPas market to pick up some food for Meghan and Neal and go over there to spend night. Meghan makes a nice meal. I sleep throughout the night without drinking. Intense dream. Wake in darkness. In morning I feel previous day’s experience with Michael/Woolhaus environment. Renee energy. Similar to Mara/Rita’s farm. “Knitting is a frequency of being”

Friday, I move. Continue to act on “keep looking for wind” I go to bookstore to write. It feels good. I go through my list and check them off as I go, one at a time. I am in and out of brutal self-hatred and masochism. I mention to Erin that there was one time in my life where I feel I was honest with myself in saying that I did not want to heal. This may be one of those time. I can give the littlest thing dominance. I get through the day. It feels good to be at the bookstore. I go to Woolhaus again. Read at Vroman’s. Get back to condo. Make dinner. Watch You Tube, at times disgusted with myself. At times happy that I am playing Bing Crosby’s “San Fernando Valley”

I also find a clip on Metafilter that recognizes Saul Bass and see that Stan’s talk about him at the SyntropyLA event has been linked. Very cool.

Today I went to Burbank to assist Meredith/Autonomy. I beat myself up at the wisdom of leaving Pudwill. This is a fill in market. Good for one week. I feel low energy/spirit throughout. I leave feeling drugged. I am taking that this is still side effects of Kepra. My thinking and language connected to that thinking is limited. Like being allowed only certain words and thoughts in the midst of a dust storm.

I decide, to hell with it. I am not waiting. I am going to get the oils. They will be used as medicine to get me through the coming off of the Kepra

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Leaned back into 500 MG soon after last post. Head felt very “top-heavy” Mood felt good for awhile up until a week ago. Dreams and evenings have felt dark. One morning woke to sense of woman standing above my right shoulder speaking to me. Dreams and waking up in the morning the past couple of days have seemed very dark and despairing. Disassociated feelings. Mood swing. Wanting to stay away from 226B

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2nd Day on 1000MG of Levetiracetam. @ capsules in the morning. Yesterday was first day. Worked the market in Santa Monica. Arrived home and lay down for a nap at around 4:30PM. Slept through much of afternoon and into evening. Up at around 9:30 for a couple of hours. Then back to sleep. Up at 5:30 AM. Did some cleanup in the room before breakfast and leaving.

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Diagnosis from Dr. William Sutherling M.D. July 25, 2017

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Today Part 2

After leaving the coffeeshop I decide to drive to Meghan and Neal’s to feel safe and have a safer place to land. I can feel some residual feeling. I arrive, do some work on the laptop and lie down on the chaise lunge as I am feeling tired and It would be good to take a nap. I grab the pillow and squeeze it to my chest. I begin to drift of. Then I feel a flash and open my eye. I look at the stairs and realize I’ve seen this moment before. I am sure I am going into a event. I think of Meghan and how she will take good care of me as she was raised well by her parents. I turn to my side and leave.

I find myself lying on the sofa in the living room. Meghan is cleaning up. She asks me if I am ok. I tell her I had an event and am feeling sick and nauseous. I remain on the couch a bit unsure of my self. Still not completely back. I adjust my position to feel better. The nausea lingers.

Later I ask Meghan what she experienced. She said I walked in the living room. She asked me questions. I responded in words she couldn’t understand. I slowly make my way to the couch and lie down. I have no memory of this,