syncedartz

[syncedartz]

Be honest would u do me babe?

Respectfully double it and pass it on

[syncedartz]

To my Parents.

I hate how much you can love someone and yet be so full of hate…I don’t understand it!. My parents are hypocrites I don’t know why they say to others “Oh I love my kids! And (insert “jokingly” about my mistakes or body shaming me) but I still love them!”. Do you really love me or are you using me as your disappointment card that you can point out when I get into an argument with you. Do you really care for us? Or are am I just here to cook, clean and pay off YOUR debt?!. Do you really care? Or do you just look after us to have good karma. You’ve given me trauma thinking that I wasn’t good enough, not pretty enough, just not enough for your expectations?. Mum has already told me I wasn’t planned and it shows. I’m sorry that I wasn’t perfect to be your daughter I’m sorry that I wasn’t born as a boy. I’m sorry that I’m a big disappoint that you can’t get rid of, I’ve given 3 years of my whole pay check to help out with your “debt” when I find out that you’ve used 3k of my savings to buy yourself a present. Yet when I go out with friends or just by myself, and I ask for some of my money to hangout you refuse to give it to me. I was just 18, thinking that I was in the wrong for asking my saved money to use. I worked my ass off too! I earned that money! I wanted to use that money for myself. But was manipulated into giving it away to you, I’m disappointed in myself for giving in. My whole life has been ruined because of your lack of understanding, trust, honesty to me. I’ve given almost my entire life being on this God forsaken earth to do nothing but obey your word cause that’s what I was told. Was it that hard to say “I’m sorry” or “I’m proud of you” or or better yet “ I love you” is it that hard?!. Don’t say it is because I can hear my best friends parents say that right to them while I sit there longing for those words to be spoken to me. Do you always have to point at my mistakes and make fun of my body, (I’m 185kgs, I have eczema, bad hyperpigmentation.) I’m sorry that I wasn’t a planned baby, and have skin issues and I’m sorry that I’m fat it wasn’t my intention to have a bad eating disorder. Oh wait it was given by you… if I really wasn’t planned why didn’t you get an abortion? Don’t say it was expensive cause the cost then was $20. Better yet a plan B pill would’ve done the trick. I sometimes wished that I was adopted and that they were on their way to come back and grab me. I’m glad that I yelled to you “I’m sorry but I didn’t ask to be born”. Sure I felt bad for a second, and I laughed at you because you were so dramatic you’ve victimised yourself crying. Wanting to make me to feel bad, but I just continued to laughed and honestly it was the best laugh I’ve ever had. Dad I wished you’ve left Mum while you had the chance. You’re probably better off with that other lady you were cheating on mum with.