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hello, hello ! life is getting back on track again so i will be back in the next week or so. :)

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"mine ? i have never put my hands on you unless asked. or, when you were having a panic attack." that much he can ascertain, given he spent a considerable amount of effort and potentially some brain cells on fighting against his own unspeakable and confusing desires. his last lapse of common sense was an unfortunate mixture of a lack of oxygen, alcohol and, well, how could he possibly refuse such request coming from her ? something almost out of his wildest dreams, and so long both were off the clock, matthew was letting it slide; at least, that's how he's choosing to rationalize it to himself. as per usual, deflecting the blame, one of his most natural abilities yet. when her hands grab onto his shoulders, matthew's features faltered, unconsciously holding his breath as his heart begins to beat faster, slightly readjusting on the chair, until fingers began to move down his arms, his brown hues following attentively, almost mesmerized. her smell intoxicating, still, despite the short exchange, he's left almost lost, as if thrown into a different dimension with no clue on how to save himself. a deep breath of air being exhaled out of his lungs only by the time she was already walking away as he slowly and surely regained composure. "yeah-yeah, i can check." he pulls his phone out of his pocket once more, but before he goes on about doing what she requested, he shifts on his chair instead, leg folded under the other comfortably as he re-positioned to face her as much as possible. "speaking of thirsty... did you dream about me again ? after last week ?" by now, she really should know better than to start with him. after all, when has he ever shown to be the type of person to back down from a little game ?!

As much as Marcella liked being able to hold his gaze, there was a sliver of something enticing in their current position too - with her behind him, too close, yet far enough so he wouldn't even feel if their clothes brushed. Her fingers itched to reach and grab a hold of his shoulders, if only for the feeling of it and to check if he would allow this impossible closeness to continue. She huffed a laugh when Matthew pointed how impossible it was for her to be happy. If only he knew how easy it actually was. But when had they ever apprehended something the easy way? "Sure, I'm hard to please." And it was then that her fingers dug into the material of Matthew's clothes, holding both of his shoulders just enough, so he'd feel the pressure of it. "Come on. Stabbing in the back was never my style. If anything, isn't it yours? Maybe you're projecting again." The humor in Marcella's voice was evident. Then, she leaned a little bit, enough to get a hint of his cologne. "Aren't you just the perfect savior? The role looks good on you." By the end of the sentence, her fingers were already slipping down his arms, the soft fabric helping with the smooth movement. A second passed in which the woman purposefully remained silent, the moment used both to unnerve him and give herself a moment to think what she was doing. "Can you check when the pizza is coming? I'll take that," after one more lean, she took the glass from his hand. The falling hair around her face restricted the view of his reaction and she was almost displeased. "You look thirsty, I'll refill it." And before the sentence was done, Marcella was already pulling away, a happy smile dancing on her lips.

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home away from home. henry's probably feeling the utmost relaxed than he has ever been over the last few months. the sun, the fresh air, the scenery, the ability to turn off his brain from his immense responsibilities, the company — a sense of peace grew within him, allowing him to let loose for the time being. whereas he might not be the most detail-oriented person, he feels a sense of easiness coming off from helena as well, bringing a smile to his lips. as well-kept as all his properties were, nothing could quite beat slices of nature in its own habit, a little rough on the edges, following all the seasons of the year. "you're welcome to come here whenever you want to. so long as you don't leave me to have breakfast all by my lonesome." he says playfully, relating plenty to the feeling of never wanting to leave; given all the memories created there, the freedom, the pure air — his departure had never occurred without a bit of a fight from his end. "quite often." he replies sincerely, footsteps guiding him forward in a slow motion as he reminisces, childlike happiness appearing to evade his features as blue gaze fixated on the body of water ahead. "my grandparents used to live here. whenever i got to be too much of a burden, or misbehaved... i was sent here." all of that sounds ridiculous in his head now, his disdain for some of his parents' actions, all the reckless behavior in the name of attention, yet regardless of all the bad memories, henry would put himself in the line of fire to protect either one of his parents. finally, a short laugh falls from his lips as his eyes raise to meet up with hers. "no one has lived here for a few years now. i like to come by when i want some quiet time." unfortunately, the opportunity to do so has been scarce with all his compromises. "and added bonus: no guard trailing behind. i don't know about you, but i at least, have never been a fan of being followed around." he comments with a small shrug, stopping momentarily as he catches on the corner of his eye the staff setting up the food, nearly overflowing the surface from end to end before disappearing between the trees once more. "hope you we truly hungry." he snickers, with a short shake of his head.

Helena had to keep her disappointment from showing when Henry promised there wasn't any wilderness in his plans for the day. She would've loved nothing more than to get an opportunity to see how her husband would fare in such circumstances, but maybe it would happen down the road, eventually. As she was left with nothing else except to agree with his words and wait, Helena tried to make the most of it by looking outside the small window, committing to memory the change of the scenery. During her training she had poured over rough maps of his kingdom but nothing could compare to the real thing, once she was trust into this new world. The colors were more vivid than she'd expected - somehow even more vivid than those around the castle - and a while passed before the dark haired woman realized that she'd started to watch all the greenery with a little bit of awe. If only someone could see her now, what would they think? Surely that she wasn't up for the task that had been trust upon her. And Helena made an effort to shift her features into something collected, all the while throwing side glances at the king, trying to decipher his own behavior.

Eventually the trip had to come to an end. As always, she preferred to keep quiet and observe, allowing for him to take the lead in a place where he clearly felt at ease and home once more. The nature was even more breathtaking than before and once she was out, Helena took a lungful of clean, crisp air, then closed her eyes and tipped her head towards the sky. She only allowed herself this much, before following him once more. "No, I wouldn't mind at all," the woman shook her head, a soft smile on her lips. A true change from her usual facade, that much was obvious. Was it a new game? "I think...", Helena drawled out on purpose, feet straying a little far away from Henry before making a small circle and standing next to him. "That you should've showed me this earlier. I might never want to leave now." Yet there was no condemnation in her voice, only a softness that was unusual to her. If he would appear free, than she could do the same. "How often did you use to come here? It seems... so quiet. Was it always this way?"

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"we are not fighting," his brows furrow more deeply than ever; as much as bobby attempted to be civilized, a grown up for once, something appeared to always be pulling her in the opposite direction, and that did frustrate him in ways that he couldn't quite articulate. normal relationships were hard enough, bobby often ended up feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and eventually apathy was all that was left, but, an arranged one ? no matter how much he tries to find a common ground, every single day appears to increase the spotlight on how different as people they are. still, he's trying his very hardest, probably more than he has ever tried anything, to not spew anything that could hurt her. after all, as little as he cares about being in a relationship, their history is something that he'd rather not taint. "sure." he replies, feeling defeated to the bone as he lets go of her hand, fingertips wrapping tightly around the steering wheel instead, however, his very visible frustration is interrupted by her next words, causing him to shake his head in pure disbelief. there's a moment of doubt, as his head turns to let his eyes briefly scan her features, only adding to his confusion, instead choosing to drop it all together, restart the engine and return driving towards his family's state. luckily, silence wasn't something he minded at all, but something told him he'd be in no state to drive back by the end of the night. after leaving the car with the valet, bobby could feel the weight leave off of his shoulders, the fresh spring air reaching his lungs as his footsteps lead him inside of the house, throwing the occasional nod and smile to bystanders, stopping short by the entrance of the main salon where the party was in full motion, turning on his heel to face azalea. "you still sure ? last chance to skip out."

Sometimes she just wanted to yell at him 'I'm in love with you since I can remember, you complete idiot'. The occasions in which Azalea was seconds away from opening her mouth and spilling everything were growing with every week, yet she still managed to control the urges. What good would that do, when Bobby wasn't ready to hear the truth? She saw it in his eyes every time he looked, truly looked, at her. And it hurt but it also meant that she still got moments with him, even if they were messy and imperfect - or a total disaster, like the current one. "You know what I meant with that," the brunette tried to reply, all while helplessly knowing that she was losing this battle. No matter what came out of her mouth, it was the wrong thing. Maybe just kissing him would've been better than allowing for this spiral to get out of control. She could feel the small space of the car overfilling with his heavy emotions and the feeling was settling on top of her, pressing on her lungs with its heaviness. Despite the cold, she would've opened the window if his words didn't completely unravel her. How could she explain herself without saying the most important thing weighting her down? Maybe staying quiet was better, in the end. But when had she been better at doing that, when her emotions were everywhere? "Please, I made that decision as well," Azalea whispered, face contorting in a flash of pain when he removed her hand. Despite that technically Bobby was still holding it - she could feel his caress - Azalea felt pushed away and out of control, once more. "I don't want to fight with you." She never should've said anything anyways. It was better when they didn't talk. "But I don't want to spend the night alone either. So please... lets forget all of this and try again. Its still not late to have that fun, trust me. Also, I'm not leaving my cupcakes just like that." She smiled, a little lopsided grin tugging at the corners of her mouth, while saying a silent prayer that this works. "And your chances are not lost, just so you know. I'll still need help with taking it off later. So you better remember that."

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✧ DYLAN O'BRIEN as Colin in ‘NOT OKAY’ (2022)

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cody and billy being cute

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"only took a breakup and extreme weather to hear that i'm right. lucky me." his voice absent of the usual snark and wittiness that often wraps around it. instead, it is stated as a fact, albeit enriched by his own frustrations. this rite of passage wasn't one that he had been looking forward to, considering the less than friendly yet inevitable breakup, and he has no doubt that she's regretting her decision to come and pick up her belongings altogether. at least, for once, the feeling is mutual. "stay there. don't want you bumping into anything." his head hangs low, calculating his next actions before he goes around between the kitchen and living room, setting up some lit up candles and finally setting a small flashlight on the small table by the couch. "the couch is all yours. i trust you still know where everything is ?"

june  has  dreaded  this  encounter  for  her  entire  week.  seeing  an  ex  again  is  never  easy,  and  even  more  difficult  is  revisiting  a  place  she  used  to  frequent  in  order  to  gather  her  things  that  no  longer  belong  there.  perhaps  she  should  have  listened  to  her  gut  instincts  that  she  should  rearrange  the  pick-up  due  to  the  poor  weather,  but  there  is  a  part  of  her  that  wonders  if  it’s  all  her  cowardice  speaking.  she  is  in  the  middle  of  trying  to  convince  her  ex  that  it’s  unnecessary  for  her  to  stay  over  when  the  power  goes  out,  rendering  the  apartment  pitch-black.  so  perfectly  timed  that  it  almost  feels  like  it’s  fate  laughing  in  her  face.  slowly  and  carefully,  she  walks  near  the  window  to  take  a  look  at  the  world  outside,  eerily  silent  and  dark  except  for  a  few  street  lights.  “well,”  she  sighs  in  defeat,  her  shoulders  slumped  as  she  silently  laments  at  her  pitiful  luck.  “i  guess  you’re  right.”

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thomas jaquet

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"is there a third option ? because both of those sound horrible." forbes easiness lets up a bit as brows bumped together, getting a bit tired of the blameless and pointless yelling and the f bombs. god knows, once in a while, he did deserve such treatment but to his best knowledge, he has been nothing but a gentleman; his usual idiotic and flirtatious self that somehow came out extra naturally around her. "what game ? i'm just here to eat some food, and have some fun. as usual. what's crawled up your ass today ?" his brows furrow all the more, yet instead of waiting for a feasible answer, doubting her communicate manners given her current state, forbes snatched the car keys from her grasp and then let his footsteps move past her. assuming she'd follow him, he continued. "whatever, we can drop it. guess you can just stay silent for once, since you're not really in a talking mood today, but i'm still getting food. and i'm picking the place." didn't take very long to spot her car, yet as his steps halted, forbes was feeling the blood in his veins pumping extra hard, albeit confusion reigned supreme, he's not all that willing to spend the next hour with her in a mood for no apparent reason. turning around, he lets his body weight fall comfortably against the side of the car, waiting patiently for her as his eyes watched intently. "do you want me to drop you home instead ? it's cool. clearly you don't want to be with me, which i wish you could just come out and fucking say it, but hey, i guess being a complete dick works too."

The fierce anger was her mothers and Eliora had always hated how it could consume her entirely. Typically it was mirrored at her mother's but she didn't mind letting others get a taste of it either, not since her father died. If she hadn't walked away from the idiot that stalked after her El was afraid she'd let her tongue go again, say something she really didn't mean just because she was feeling things she didn't want to feel. Fuck. His hand on her arm, halting her in her tracks nearly triggered a violent response, Eliora spun to face him again, free hand ready to shove off his grip with a defensive move but she stopped herself, instead she glared and all but bared her teeth until he released her. He looked far too relaxed for her and if she wasn't already on the edge of reckless behavior (more so than usual) then surely the way he tucked his hands in his pockets and let off that infuriating smugness would have set her off. Why did he have to be so fucking good at pushing her buttons?

Blonde hair was tossed over her shoulder, out of her face which was undeniably a shade redder than it had been a moment ago. She had been more than willing to let this shit go but there he had to go and bring up her mother. "No one plans on dying in a fiery car crash, unless they're an idiot," she snapped, as if that was the most idiotic thing she'd ever heard but really she was just trying to pick apart everything he said so she wouldn't have to answer his real question. "Again, fuck off Forbes, I thought you wanted to fucking drop it? I was dropping it," she gestured at him with one hand, having crossed her arms over her chest protectively again when he had released her arm. Then she gestured at the parking lot and raised her brows at him. "This isn't about my mother, fuck, what do you want? Do you want me to drop it or keep fucking yelling at you? I was right, this is just some fucking game for you." / @sympcthetic-s

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"matthew smith, the big bad wolf. where's my plaque ?" deflecting blame; was that truly all her, or was she inheriting all his bad traits too ? the idea alone brings a small, almost undetectable grin to his features. his decision-making abilities appeared to be affected whenever she was around — completely unknown territory, especially for someone often so sure of himself, matthew has been doing plenty of learning of his own. good or bad, he has grown tired of fighting against himself. a single hang out with no one else around couldn't hurt, right ? a sentiment that no matter how he tried to rephase it as the week went by, he could never quite convince himself, but as proven again and again, the rational part of his brain wasn't usually in command around her. all of this was just too entrancing to pull himself out of. "i'm starting to think it's impossible for you to be happy, then." whether he deceives or tries the truthful path, she's not willing to accept either; the juxtaposition, as if she was some saint, nearly throws him for a bit. however, marcella's movements hold all his attention. a sudden dryness within his throat, muscles tightening as his gaze drops to the empty glass in his hand. that part of him that held some sense of guilt over certain things had long dissipated; still, for both of their sake, his honesty has to come with restrictions. "i plead the fifth, i think." he finally decides, chin rising as an easygoing smile returns to his features. "you're not going to try to stab me in the back now, are you ? in my defense... if i had known you were going to start having panic attacks, yes, i could have gotten us out of there sooner and no, i didn't pay someone to purposely break the elevator, in case you were wondering."

Marcella had to bite her tongue, before it could get her into more trouble. The truth was that 400 pages wasn't going to be enough to tell everything that she had to say about Matthew - a fact that surely unnerved her and it would've given her no peace if she allowed herself to think about it. So she didn't. In moments when he completely brought her out of her skin, making her blood rush all that more, Marcella could imagine writing pages of spiteful rants about his behavior. But she also had a little worry that it would inevitably turn into another story, more dangerous one. For what it was worth, she was glad that he was unable to truly read her thoughts, no matter how much Matthew desired it. It saved her endless explanations that she wasn't as obsessed with him as her unnerving thoughts made her to look like. "HR hates us both at this point, you made sure that not one of them would ever take any of us seriously ever again." Maybe she was exaggerating - or maybe the poor HR lady purposefully chose not to sit anywhere near both of them, so she could run from their spiteful back-and-forth. "Of course it matters, Matthew," she leaned in conspicuously towards him, face all serious. Would he think she was mocking him with a straight face? Or that she was very much serious? "No, I am far away from being happy." Marcella's eyes were glued to that place on his throat that had moved once he'd swallowed the drink. It was a misstep, a trap she was walking herself towards, but she didn't look away. A short, soft sigh left her lips, then the woman uncrossed her legs and slowly slid down from his desk. "So you do admit it wasn't that in your pocket when we were stuck in the elevator." Her tone was teasing as she rounded him, stopping behind him. "Liar, liar, Matthew... If you wanted to be locked somewhere with me, you could've just said so. Or did you enjoy the game so much?"

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reverse starter call. i'll be around tomorrow, press the heart if i can check out your open starters. :)

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AUBREY PLAZA on hot ones.

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♡ ZENDAYA challengers premiere london

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henry's lips curl with a small smile, followed by a short head shake side to side, declining the proposal as candidly as possible; in the world both lived in, he understood her point of view, and that he'd be better off showing it instead. after all, actions spoke louder than words, right ? a world where women, defined by gender alone, were less than men was not a world he wanted to partake in. his views were muddled for a long time, but as someone with a rather extended family, there were certain things he had seen and had a hard time to accepting. however, unlike most people, now he had the power to change things for the better. "no bugs. understood." he nods, ocean hues dart towards her next followed by her next words, bringing a delighted, possibly filled with amusement smile to his lips. "we should be all right. we're not going into the wilderness or anything of the sort." he adds on, attempting to reassure her.

about an hour and a half trip later, the pair arrives swiftly to their destination. a serene landscape, amidst towering mountains and past a green-covered forest, a view dearly missed in the hustle and bustle of the main town; the on top castle highlighted by the spring sun fast approaching, bringing an easiness to henry's entire being; a home away from home — often a playground of his, and he's excited to share with her another part of his life, another part of their shared kingdom. "i'm famished." henry's comments, smiling as he hops out, feet planted firmly on the ground. after a quick exchange of words with the house staff and the guards, the pair is truly left alone. considering the castle's location, henry feels safer, and by extension, he hopes the privacy will allow her to be more comfortable as well. "come on, food will be served soon. since the weather is on our side today, i figured we should take advantage and eat outside. would you mind ?" he inquires, yet doesn't physically wait for an answer as his footsteps start to wander forward, around the castle and past some trees, a table has been set for two by a part of the lake that surrounded most of the perimeter, water crystal-clear shimmering in the sunlight; picturesque, at worst. "what do you think ?" he smiles, expectantly. the wealth of his kingdom wasn't all that difficult to pinpoint, but henry has always had a preference for all things nature.

Helena willed her features to remain impassive at his admission. Of course he hadn't always been this good before, she'd known so much, but the real surprise laid in the fact that he seemed to be presenting the notion of a changed man. For what was truth, Helena didn't believe that people were able to change. How could they just decide that one day all those things that used to bring them pleasure, would be uprooted for something more mild and important? She almost wanted to laugh at that but instead of doing it, she tucked her chin closer to her chest, as her head slightly bowed down. The idea was to seem deep in thought after his words, when in fact her mind was racing, wild and untamed just as she truly was. This period of Henry's was nothing more than that - a period. It would inevitably go away and then he would return to his old habits, to his old ways that had shaped and followed him throughout all his life. That was why she shouldn't detour from her goal - to follow her parents plan, for their own good as well as the good of her country. "So I've heard," was all she said at that moment, leaving the topic as it was. He already knew that she was apprehensive because of his past, there was no point denying it now by saying that she didn't care about it. She did. But at his answer to her inquiry, Helena couldn't stop herself before looking up. The need to see what was truly in those blue eyes of his was overpowering; to that desire of hers, she had always been nothing but a willing participant. "That works the other way around too, husband. You can come to my chambers whenever you want to too." It's as big of a hint as she can give him - that this was what she expected of him, as it was of every other king - to just take what was his. On papers, Helena was just that - his to do with whatever he pleased. The reality of it was a bit more sharp than that, even sharper than the blade she kept hidden under her pillow. "Fears?" She smiled, ready to shake her head, before remembering that maybe having some wouldn't be a bad idea of humanizing herself. "Just spiders or things like that. Nothing else I can think of." And then, to be more believable, she asked, voice wavering, "There won't be any spiders, right?"

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"how are you exposing me ? memoir ? 400 pages book dedicated to all the obstacles you have fought against and survived ? you might be better off reporting me to hr and get ignored again if it's the latter one. less painful, i think." matthew instigates, as per usual, a grin of his own almost reflective of hers, going off on the banter but apparently playing less dirty for once ( to his standards, at least ) to avoid feelings getting hurt so early on. eventually, he knew his big mouth would get him in trouble, but he's not willing to piss her off just yet. pressing his lips together in reflection to her question, his hues narrow when catching a glimpse of her avoidance, causing him some unexpected discomfort as he shifted in his seat. "does my opinion matter ?" he deflects, not yet ready to show his cards before scoring himself more telltale signs to win him the play; it's perhaps not the right approach, but after their last encounter's findings, matthew's curiosity is at a all time high, and he's not going to rest until he finds out more. with no filter and purely out of instinct, her next words bring a sound chuckle out of him, amusement written all over his features as brows moved upwards. "is that what i have awakened ?" like a kid at a candy store, he's helpless to that remark, resting back comfortably with a smirk on his lips, somehow heightened even after he knocks back the rest of his drink in a single gulp. "fine. you were honest with me, i guess i do owe you one. i don't smoke. the occasional drink is the only poison i allow myself to partake in. happy ?!"

Indeed, here she was. Marcella knew no better way to make excuses for herself and Matthew knew it. To be truthful, she had allowed herself to drift off with the flow of their weird relationship - it had been since she went home that night after the elevator encounter. Her obvious anger and animosity towards him had slowly shifted, to her utmost surprise. On Wednesday, when she'd gotten to work, his face the first one to see while walking to her office, Marcella had realized that the previous emotions had turned to dust and instead something else was brewing. Something even more unacceptable, because now he knew, to her utmost horror, about her dreams. In truth, they deserved each other, with their warped, twisted views of showing emotions. "Ah, I'm just making sure that my notes on you are thorough, before I finally expose you. I don't want anyone to think that I hadn't finished the job because you scared me off successfully." She was grinning again, a smile that clearly said she was trying to make him laugh too. It was a sound she didn't mind hearing now, in the quietness of his office. "Will it physically hurt you to admit that you find me smart?", Marcella asked, avoiding his eyes for a moment. He could take this as a vulnerable moment, but honestly, she was just sick of some aspects of their never ending verbal game of cat and mouse. But to see his reaction to the comment about the cigarettes, it was like a little reward. Marcella watched, amused, waiting for his way out. "Maybe I want to start now. Maybe you've finally awakened that need in me." Surprisingly, it wasn't the wine talking, yet, despite the words no one would ever catch her using at another time.

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i'm back ! i finally have some free time on my hands and this blog is no longer shadowbanned so officially all's up and running. hit me up if you'd like to continue a thread/start up something new. :D