sylviswann

[sylviswann]

Chappell Roan for The face magazine

[sylviswann]

We can never touch without being touched in return

[sylviswann]

[sylviswann]

2007

[sylviswann]

Candy Make Up Artist on Etsy

[sylviswann]

saturday, october 26, 2024

3:00 PM

heyah, woke up by 1 pm actually on such an anxiety-filled week because marga, aly, and i are quite unsure of our contemporary world case report starting by tuesday because of our blocmates' petition to cancel the booths for mental health week. our group is severely underprepared and the continuation of the booths would really halt all school activity for us, meaning next week pa ang among report<33 yess. and that's what's happening exactly, i confired t with mayor adrian boo :))) good rest, but FUCK! might be a cnu thing but dugay na gyud nako na notice ang pagka kaliton sa decision making sa mga tawo sa CNU. what if sunday comes, di madayon, and then BOOM! wala mi nahimo. yawa WAG E MANIFEST. but sige ra, kayanon. tangina.

im so easily distracted kase wew, i just tookhalf an hour doing a cover photo edit for the haus of bisakla (gc namo ni sumsum and alviz) and i am seriously thinking nga naa jud koy issue sa attention span nako? it takes everything in me to do something i know i have to do... i honestly do wanna look into vicente sotto for this one kaygewwwsh, i need prescrip na guro? im so unsure.

im going to wosh ka et later!!!! i love watching drag queens, queens give sm joy in my life and the amount of acceptance in this community. im sad lang nga i dont put myself out there much often than i envisioned kase my head puts myself inside so often. im in need to be alive yet my brain stops that. i wish life was easier than this. but sige ra, if there is something so uncontrollable about it, i would rather do what i can, diba?

okay na ba akong thoughts? i dont know, but good god, it's been an hour already of scribbling and being distracted. tea maa

[sylviswann]

夏の神様・自画像　2018

[sylviswann]

Happy pride month to those who are scared

Happy pride month to those who are proud

Happy pride month to those who are out

Happy pride month to those who are closeted

Happy pride month if you’re trying to figure yourself out

Happy pride month if you’ve known for years

Happy pride month to those who it’s their first

Happy pride month to those who have celebrated for years

Happy pride month to those who are afraid to celebrate

Happy pride month to those who will scream it from the rooftops

Happy pride month to you.

[sylviswann]

“None of these songs were radio hits or carefully positioned tricks. They were yours to discover how you wanted to. It’s yours. It’s always been yours. And you taught me how to be an artist who tells a complete story, and spares no details. I love you.”

[sylviswann]

no one i know uses tumblr what do i even do here

[sylviswann]

Timothée Chalamet for GQ | Nov. 2020

[sylviswann]

DJ BABY BENZ IS TOO POWERFUL

tthanks for the 1k followes

[sylviswann]

Reasons to Stan Clairo:

She is a queer artist who sings about girls.

She looks this good in a suit.

[sylviswann]

[sylviswann]

Same bad bitch energy

[sylviswann]

do not CROSS me

[sylviswann]

(names changed to protect privacy)

I used to be so infatuated on this boy named Rodel

It took me two years to move on

My closure started with a dream

And ended with this letter

(P. S. I didn't know what i was writing on 3 a.m. so i apologize for the cringe haha)

Mr. Rodel Rollon,

I am ready to let you go.

I used to be so happy that I stopped thinking about you when this quarantine started. Being distracted really did a lot of help on making me thinking that I was over you, that you were out of my system and my heart was ready for more opportunities of love in the world.

I consciously purposed myself to find for other people who can be my new crush in order to celebrate the end of my feelings for you.

But subconsciously, I kept thinking about how you started thinking about me since I confessed, if you still see me the same (probably not), and how you feel about me confessing.

If I was truly over you, I would have stopped worrying all this time and would've faced reality.

I guess i hadn't. I guess I was scared of being hated by the person that I like. And that really hurts.

But I thank God for this night.

I thank God for the 3 A.M. of the 10th of July where I dreamt that you wonder why I still hate myself for not being liked back when in fact that's life and that's normal, and that's truthfully okay.

I guess, after that dream, I found my subconcious ' truth I haven't seen a long time ago.

And I think, I am really ready to let you go. Wholly. Fully.

You will always be this handsome little dream boy that you are. You're madly handsome, you're crazy-ass talented and dedicated, you're selfless, you like a lot of good things which shows in the music you listen and the art you admire. Your flaws flatter you. You just have an open heart.

And I guess you were everything I've ever wanted, but along with that I wanted to be yours and you to be mine. And thinking about that now, I admit that I can be a little childish.

What a childish little fantasy. To want to be with a fantasy.

I mean, even talking with no figuratives involved, wanting to be in a relationship with someone so perfect as a basis is so dumb, like we don't even know if you like me back and if we're even compatible, much less you being straight. Can't believe I threw all those facts out my asshole HAHA.

To become depressed for the reason that someone you madly like doesn't like you back, was worth it. I'm glad it happened. Since then, I grew up. I've become significantly open than I was before. I learned that rejection doesn't define my self-esteem but is only more reason to love my self than hate me. I learned to let go of something so precious which seemed a million times impossible than it sounds. And I learned letting that unhealthy obsession on that precious gem I kept all this time as if it was a lifeline which seemed million times impossible, was not that impossible at all. The thought was the only face of fear, but the truth was ecstatic.

Again, you will always be this CUTE AS FUCK pretty little magic dream boy coated with love and perfection. And I can't force myself to unlove that. That's lovable and the world has just so many hidden treasures, that I can't believe I've found one. I'm glad I like you, glad I know I have taste.

And, I know the truth, which was hard to learn, that I don't need to have you. You may be perfect, but I don't need to be yours to be happy. Appreciating you is enough, and that's powerful.

I've come to peace with reality.

I used to measure my moving on process on the basis of the stages of grief, as I've once believed that this model also held the formula of letting go.

It starts with Denial

Compromise

Anger

Depression

Acceptance

I used to be jumping between anger and depression a lot. I was each emotion's ultimate whore, I humped on those dry asses sore.

It was all a chaotic process, and it wasn't linear at all.

But finally, I've reached the epiphany of closure. I didn't imagine that that model would end like this. On a dream. On a letter I won't even send.

I didn't know, that acceptance was sweet. That it was peaceful. That knowing the ugliest truth of being not reciprocated and be even disgusting (sUbjEctiVely), meant being okay with the truth, as those circumstances isn't the end of me at all.

But feeling all these, is a sweet little cupcake of joy. Partaken in small tidbits, but just the closure I needed.

Are you handsome? Heavenly.

Do you not like me? Yes, but you respect me.

Did it take a long time to accept that? Almost 2 years hun.

Is it okay that you don't like me? Definitely.

Will I still admire you? Yes, but I'm finally done obsessing over fantasies. Liking you with our realities is perfect.

Am I over you? I'm over the fact that I wanna be with you. It would've been crazy otherwise.

Am i even okay if you swept further away from me? Purely. I don't need your support to be happy.

Will it be okay? The future will tell me. And the future holds me. I've tasted the future's promise and I know that it will be.

Mr. Rodel, thank you. For being yourself.

You are one of a heck of character development and I'm glad I have learned.

Thank you for the ride. I'm glad I felt each swerve and feared each blind curve, and I'm happy I'm dropping off.

Really,

Thank you, Rodel.

Thank you a million.

And for that, Goodbye.

Overflowing with love,

Ricky