sydneytries406

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Princess Sky

My name is Sydney. I am in the process of grieving my dog. As of this Monday, it will be a month since we had to put her down. Her name was Princess Sky. I named her Princess, but my parents were worried that as I got older that I wouldn’t like that as much, so Sky was the backup plan (although I did not learn about this until years later). She was a golden retriever. She lived a long, happy 14 years. Despite this, I still was not ready. Frankly, I’m still not.

I remember when we brought her home when I was five years old. We took her home when she was 10 weeks old. Next week exactly would have been 14 years since we had her. My five year-old self wanted her as close as possible to me on the car ride home, so we put her in a short box lined with a towel and put her on my lap. She slept the whole way. I remember my legs hurt from the weight, but I didn’t care. The mid-October sun was setting and I did not have a care in the world, especially since I had a new puppy. Even as she grew old, the puppy in her never left. She was my puppy, and she forever will be.

She never really lived up to her name as a princess. She was a master escape artist, where she would run away to be with her boyfriend (a neighbor dog) or roll in horse poop. Every morning she would get her cookie (a milkbone), and proceed to roll on it outside before eating it. This was a ritual until her last few days. Her first few collars were pink with crowns and bones. She managed to somehow tear those off and shred them, so we gave her one with Grateful Dead bears on it, and she never once tore it off. A true Dead Head at heart.

The Saturday before we put her down, I got a text from my mom at 1 o’clock in the afternoon saying Princess wasn’t doing well. She hadn’t eaten her morning cookie the past two days, she was breathing heavy, and she was having difficulties getting up and moving. I was out the door in an hour and a half to make the four and a half hour drive back home from college. I got to see her and spend one last weekend with her. There were so many things I wanted to do in that short time, but I couldn’t do any of it. I can’t think of any words to describe how helpless I felt in that time. I slept next to her bed her last night, just to be with her. Our younger dog, Zinny, stayed close to her for most of the day too. Everyone in the house knew what was happening. Even Princess.

By the time we brought her to the vet, she could no longer get up or stand. We carried her to the car, and asked that she stayed there during her last moments so she’d feel comfortable and we could be there with her. Taking her collar off was one of the hardest things I know I will ever have to do. So was saying goodbye. And watching her be carried away, and knowing that was the last time I would be seeing her in this life.

I had to go back to school later that week, and while it was difficult, it was refreshing to be somewhere else. Today is the first time I’ve been home from school without her here waiting for me at home. I came to this realization two days earlier, and I haven’t really stopped crying since. Even on the drive over I was crying. After all, I didn’t just lose any dog. She was my best friend, and in a way, my sister. We grew up together, and she was always there for me. Through every time-out, heartbreak, smile, tears, hikes, vacations, you name it. She was there. She was around for the most pivotal moments of my life, and now she isn’t. I think that’s why I feel so alone. I can’t feel her presence anymore, and it’s such an empty and painful feeling. While I’m so angry that she had to go, I am happy she is gone, because I know she was ready. Every selfish bone in my body is mad that she was, because even after a month and being able to say goodbye, I still am not.

I miss her with every fiber of my being. I miss the way she wagged her tail and showed excitement. I miss feeling her fur. I miss hearing her old-lady bark. I miss hearing the click of her toe nails on the hard wood floor. I miss seeing her trotting through the yard. I miss knowing that she was here at home for me whenever I visited from college.

When my mom and I got back from the vet, Zinny started looking for her. I couldn’t help but think that it was stupid, but recently I have found myself doing the same thing. I loved that dog, and I always will. Just like how she loved us. She loved her little rhinoceros toy with three legs (I had to sew the fourth leg shut after she accidentally tore it off when she was a pup). She loved hiking, picking apples, eating bananas, finding the stinkiest thing to roll in, her morning cookies, and her favorite: the ocean. 

I hope that whoever you are, you get the time you need with your animal family member(s), whether it’s a dog, cat, snake, lizard, horse, bird, or whatever. Because despite the sadness I feel now, I wouldn’t trade a second of it for anything in the world.

I’ve included a picture of Princess enjoying the ocean breeze during our annual trip to the Oregon coast every spring break. I took it in 2017. I hope you enjoy it as much as she enjoyed the ocean.

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Happiness Will Come To You.

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this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!

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Reblog if you’d be okay if your friend came out as transgender

let’s see how many transphobics we can weed out

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deep texts here

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Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

I love my mom.

I am risking nothing

I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

sorry followers :(

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oh god what did i do

IT SUMMONS MAIL EVERYONE TRY IT

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Reblog In 5 seconds for good luck

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Reblog if you would watch a Blackwidow movie.

Like if you would watch it more than once.

Trying to prove a point to Marvel CEO.

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REBLOG THIS IF YOU WOULD BE FRIENDS WITH A TRANS PERSON.

Im trying to prove to my friend that a lot of people will accept him as the gender he is just as they would the gender he was born as. He is afraid to come out especially because he is a polysexual trans.

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Because if everybody had sanity, everybody was crazy. Plus normalcy is overrated.

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"To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.” 

-The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

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Reblog if you're far away from someone and you want to hug them SO BAD.