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Making Contact: How to Play It Cool without Cooling It Off

Open communication is one of the most integral parts of a relationship, but in the early stages it can also be the most cumbersome. How many times have you been thrilled about the prospect of a new love interest before quickly getting caught up in fretting over when to text, when not to text,or when he last texted before—you even figure out what to say?

Everything from movies and TV shows to our own mothers have made us feel as though we have to play hard to get for as long as possible. But that nagging voice in the back of your head that “one little text won’t hurt” still sometimes wins out, making the mature choice not such an obvious one. That casual coolness you hope to create at all costs known as “the game” should be stuff of the past, but there’s still that crucial factor that exists early on in helping to determine whether this new relationship is something to invest your time and heart in.

To help you know when to drop a line without desperation, here are three simple guidelines to follow:

Give Him Room to Initiate

The first couple months or so into a relationship are so crucial when it comes to communication because it allows you to filter out the guys who are just looking for something physical from those who want to pursue something deeper. If you’re bombarding him with messages every which way, not only are you taking away his opportunity to work for your affection, but you may even be presenting him the opportunity to break your heart on a silver platter. Unless he’s fallen off the face of the earth (literally), a guy who is into you won’t leave room for any doubt about his feelings. On the flip side, someone who will only make half-hearted plans after you’ve consistently nudged them is likely struggling with something deeper.

Reach Out When It’s Relevant

Sending a cute text or making plans with someone you’ve just started seeing is by no means forbidden, but it should be considered carefully. When you get the urge to reach out, take a beat and think about why you want to make contact. If he’s initiated the past couple dates, and you found out your mutual favorite band is coming to town, there’s nothing wrong with suggesting you check it out together. Or if he’d been worried about a big presentation at work and you’re genuinely wondering how it went, a short and sweet check-in note will show you care. But if you’re looking for that quick rush of validation from getting any response whatsoever from him, it’s time to play the waiting game.

Trust Your Gut

As with most issues of the heart, you can never go wrong with trusting your gut. The real challenge lies in knowing how to interpret what your gut is telling you, and that starts with having a solid idea about the things you require in a relationship to feel fulfilled, happy and loved. Someone who is making you feel insecure by his lack of communication, especially in the earliest and most carefree part of the relationship, is the sneakiest kind of red flag. You may feel reckless for cutting ties with someone over texting, but somewhere out there is someone who will never leave a shred of doubt.

Learning the subtleties of how and when to text can make a big difference in the early stages of a relationship.  So make sure to (i) give him room to initiate, (ii) reach out when it’s relevant, and (iii) trust your gut.  And to learn how to avoid other common mistakes that kill your chances with high-quality, relationship ready men, make sure to check out The 3 Deadly Dating Mistakes All Women Make (and How You Can Avoid Them!).

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8 Tips to Help Maximize the Single Life

While most of society is geared toward finding The One and settling down, singlehood often lands with a big fat stigma attached to it. Single women are constantly pitied by paired up friends and presumed to be lonely, depressed, and desperate for love.

While some single ladies may exude that aura, it doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t!) be that way.  Your single years shouldn’t feel like an era of failure but rather a time to embrace your independence, enjoy your freedom, and get to know who really are—which, coincidentally, will better prepare you for a lasting relationship. Since it’s easy to get stuck in a sad singles rut, here are eight Dating with Dignity tips to lead a more fulfilling single life.

Don’t Dwell

Past heartbreaking events tend to hang around and affect how you deal with the present and think of the future. Any time you catch yourself thinking about what you could’ve done differently to win back that ex, train yourself to remember that exes are just that for a reason.

Try New Things

What better time to explore new hobbies than when there’s no one to run it by but yourself? Sign up for a night course, check out a local painting class, or attend an eclectic event in your city that piques your interest. You may just wind up making some new friends, too!

Tap into Your Creativity

With so many new hobbies on your calendar and alone time to reflect, you’ll likely find a new or rediscovered element of creativity weaving its way into your life. Use this time on your own to see where it takes you.

Make Yourself a Priority

No matter how much it consumes your thoughts, dating is just one tiny fraction of your life. Cook a delicious meal for yourself even if no one is coming over, take yourself to a movie or concert, and write regularly in a journal. Remind yourself of how much you’re worth, with or without a steady partner.

Date!

Regardless of how much alone time and introspection being single can entail, finding time to date is still an important piece of the puzzle. Dating in any context, no matter how horribly awkward it turns out to be, is great practice and will help you to narrow down (or expand) what you’re looking for in a mate.

Take Off the Pressure

Don’t feel like you have to talk yourself into liking someone. Some people just aren’t the right fit, and that’s okay.

Set (and Stick to) Standards

Harness your independence and strike out anyone who doesn’t treat you with the respect and care you deserve. Take this time to determine which values and traits are of the utmost importance to you, and filter out any fellas who don’t meet those fundamental requirements.

Relax

Spending your energy chasing men or desperately trying to mold the wrong ones into your soulmate will distract you from keeping up your antennae for red flags and enjoying your solo free time.

So what do you do with these eight tips?  Take one or two to that really resonate with you, put them to work, and see how these small changes can make a BIG impact on your dating life.

And in the meantime, if you’re really ready to attract an exciting, fulfilling, and lasting relationship, then check out this free webinar. Almost all women make these three mistakesthat kill their chances with quality, relationship-ready men. Is it possible you’re also making one of them? Find out by clicking here.

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Find Love Now – Part 2: My Personal Wake-Up Call

Hey Dignity Dater,

In my last email, I shared an excerpt from an essay I wrote about one of the mistakes I repeatedly made in my life.

It was about feeling flawed and believing that if I were “good enough,” a quality man would not only desire me but want to commit to me for life. In fact, I believed that men wanted to sleep with me and date me (at least for a while), but nobody really WANTED to marry me.

It’s a surprisingly common mistake for smart women (like us).

My personal wake-up call was dramatic.

When I was finally ready to change, despite how much work it was going to take, the Universe sent the proverbial “helping hand.”

It came in the form of the ex-wife of my then-boyfriend, of all places.

This was the man I’d spent two years chasing: the same man who I just found out had cheated on me (Duh. He cheated on her with me.) and who had managed to make me feel WORSE about myself than my ex-husband.

She told me that she finally had found a system: a proven process for change. She recommended I do the same.

My response was instant. “Are you kidding me???” I asked. “This kind of thing is EXPENSIVE. I don’t have thousands of dollars to invest… especially on this. I have three kids and a mortgage.”

She responded calmly, quietly.

“All I know is that you’re worth much more than what you’re currently experiencing. We all are. All I would say is… be open to the possibility.”

Those words – “Be open to the possibility” – were the catalyst that changed my life.

As I sit here today in an amazing restaurant in Manhattan’s uber-chic Meatpacking District writing this to you, the cool breeze blowing, I can’t believe how much my life has changed. I have a handsome husband (Hugh Grant type with good looks and the matching accent!) who adores me, even when he sees me in my (many) dark moments.

I have three incredible daughters who are emotionally intelligent and are dating young men whom they ADORE—meaning I didn’t pass on a legacy of “broken-ness” and bad choices.

I get to travel all over the world changing the lives of others through my work and as a philanthropist. And the source of my happiness and light comes from deep within me, and from the Universe, which I see as my ultimate resource.

What’s most interesting is that even when I managed to “fix” my picker and started dating better men, I was so entrenched in my post-divorce masculine energy that I plateaued dating men I refer to as “Quality Casual.”

These men were great on paper, but they weren’t looking for a long-term partnership. So, it didn’t require me to be emotionally available.

I was an emotionally unavailable woman dating emotionally unavailable men. (Ya feel me?)

Yet, because my “dance card was full,” I kept cycling through these men, conveniently finding fault with all of them.

That is, until one day a guy named Doug called me out on it—on Facebook Messenger of all places!

His words exactly:

“You are one of the most – no wait, THE most – emotionally unavailable woman I have ever met. “

YIKES.

I had no idea. I thought he really liked me. And because I was somewhat lackluster in my affection and attention toward him, he didn’t notice (or mind).

What’s worse is that I was really working on myself. I had experienced major breakthroughs at that point.

I was no longer accepting crap from men who were “bad for me.” I loved my life. I felt like I was being open and vulnerable.

Who knew? Certainly not me.

What I didn’t realize was I had been on cruise-control in my dating life.

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How to Make Mr. Unavailable Change His Tune

Dear Dignity Dater,

Wow, I’m humbled by all the kind words you’ve been sending in response to my emails over the past few days. Just like you, being vulnerable (especially on the Internet) is a risk.

I’ve been sharing some of the deeper pieces of my personal story to share the mistakes I made and the steps I took (even though I felt like my entire identity was being shaken to the core).

Hopefully, my stories help inspire you to see why you may be stuck in your journey to find love.

If you’ve been reading these long-ass emails, I bless you. If you haven’t, and you want to catch up, you can do it here.

>>Click Here for Part 1<<

>>Click Here for Part 2<<

In the meantime, I promised to tell you what happened after “Mr. Quality Casual” outed me as “emotionally unavailable”—in short, telling me I was nothing other than a 100 percent Grade A “Miss Quality Casual” myself.

Wait… I’m unavailable??

I gotta tell you, I was pissed.

I had been doing a TON of freakin’ work on myself. I thought that once I’d released the “I’m not good enough” way of thinking and being, then dating and finding a loving relationship was going to be easy.

But not so. Not so at all…

I know you may relate. I mean, come on, if you’re in my community, this isn’t your first personal development rodeo. You’ve probably handled much of the “childhood wounding.” Maybe you’re even happy (like I was).

After all, if you’re like I was, there’s a certain ease to being single. You have your routine. You do things your way. You work. You have friends. You’re a great auntie or even grandmother, perhaps.

Life doesn’t necessarily SUCK. Let’s be honest. You get to be selfish (even if you have kids or parents; you do it on your terms).

You hardly ever have to compromise and can watch Netflix whenever you want in your fat pants. You can sit around with your single friends and blame the town you live in for single-ness and revel in the fact that dating is hard. And that being single sucks. But when push comes to shove, the truth is, in some ways you kind of like life in your fat pants.

When it came down to it, most of the time I preferred a late night sweat at yoga, a long hot shower, and then my bed to eat cereal, watch chick TV, or read the next work of literary genius for book club.

Why? Because it was easy. Comfortable.

We do this because we don’t have to venture out of our comfort zone. We don’t have to experience disappointment or rejection. We convince ourselves we don’t care. We try to accept that maybe we’re the girls who were meant to “rock being single.” And in the end, we feel safe that we don’t have to show anyone who we are on the inside. As for being vulnerable, well, that fits into the category of “hell no.”

Here’s why when Mr. Quality Casual called me out, it hit me hard.

Check out this excerpt from an essay I wrote seven years ago at the age of 42.

Had my state-of-the-art security system I had built around my heart become so secure it had left me unable to let in any possibilities—even the possibility of love? Had I removed all possibility from my incoming possibilities because it was simply easier to put each man I dated, slept with, or even looked at in some sort of predetermined category, neatly sorted, grouped, and stored in my mind? “Too young.” “Probably wants kids.” “No chemistry.” “Too busy.” “Too old.” “Too focused on work.” Or how about something as simple as, “Doesn’t text back immediately?!” And, in this perfect psycho-arrangement, it enabled me to put the wrong-ness right back on them: the “hims.” Yet while I claimed I was ready for love, I had kept men at three arm’s lengths away, safely putting the blame on the “hims�� for not wanting more.

And so I bitched. Whined. Complained, stating that there was a critical lack of possibilities living in the greater Los Angeles area. They sucked, not me. But then damn Mr. Quality Casual called me out and the gig was up. I had been busted. And while it would have been less painful to keep categorizing and perfecting my version of the “Heisman” (as in Heisman Trophy, the statue of the football guy strong-arming his opponent), I knew that my heart wasn’t really digging life in Fort Knox. My heart was big, loving, filled with mojo, and reaching desperately for light. For love. Thus, I realized it was time to MacGyver a new plan: a plan to bust her out! A plan to experience each possibility for the magic of what it could bring. It was time to let go of expectation, leave yesterday’s yuck in yesterday, and live each moment exactly in the moment. But how?

How can a woman who has had her heart shattered (And who hasn’t?) be truly free from letting the memories of yesterday’s pain impact her possibilities? After nearly half a lifetime of living one way, can I really expect to free my heart? Sure, I’ve chipped away at it. Therapy. Girl talk. Hell, even Cosmo. And, of course, time. But my heart, my HUGE heart, wanted true freedom. My heart wanted more than dinners and booty calls. My heart wanted to be held. Touched. My heart wanted to give not to get, but just to give. My heart wanted to love.

And as I pondered, analyzed, and therapized, I got an inkling that perhaps this Fort Knox approach to keeping my heart safe was all wrong. Dan had noticed. Perhaps Alex had noticed. Maybe Justin, Patrick, and Michael had noticed too? Perhaps, in fact, I had moderated my feelings so well, so fearful of the little spark possibility births when born into the center of my chest, that I had prevented the possibility of real love from coming into my life. Maybe, I considered, I should allow it, letting possibility unleash its ball of fiery white energy into my gut. Maybe I needed a jackhammer to tear down the walls protecting my Gran Torino heart?

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Finding “The One”: Why It Isn’t (And Shouldn’t Be) Easy

I blame romantic comedies for planting the idea that finding your wonderful and perfect soulmate is as easy as reaching for the same loaf of bread at the grocery store, locking eyes from across a crowded room, or unwittingly falling for your dastardly yet handsome work adversary.

These stories aren’t unheard of as ways to meet potential prospects in the real world. But if finding THE one were as simple and straightforward as these romanticized chance meetings, I’d be out of business.

Business matters aside, we should all be thankful that finding a husband isn’t that easy. As frustrating and desperate as it can feel at times, selecting the person you’re going to share your life with should require more discerning thought than most any other decision you make in your life. It is the rest of your life, after all. Here are two simple reasons why.

Forever Means Forever Lovebirds embarking on an exhilarating new relationship don’t always fully grasp what “forever” really means. Forever means sticking together through everything life throws at you, from the big (like having kids, losing loved ones, cross-country moves) to the small (aging, gaining weight, illnesses, those really, really bad days).

Your world might be peachy keen six months in, but being able to project how your relationship will withstand more serious hurdles that will come your way in 10, 30, or even 60 years requires developing a deep sense of your mate’s character… AND what qualities you’ll need in your relationship both now and later to be fulfilled and happy. You get only one life, and you should spend it with someone who not only supports you through those hard times but will inspire you to live it as the best version of yourself.

You Deserve It Couples who rush to the altar often do so because they feel like they’re running out of time or they don’t think they can land anyone better than the one they’ve got at the moment. We can all agree that sharing a life with someone you love makes every experience richer, but what good is a marriage if the person you’re with doesn’t fully appreciate or bring out the best in you?

No matter what your past relationships have ingrained in you, you deserve a lasting and uplifting love and shouldn’t settle until you find it. There are loads of sweet talkers out therewho can put on a pretty good show for a while, so it’s worth investing the time, effort, and thought to determine if it’s the “real deal.”

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Why You’re Attracted to the Wrong Men

How do you spot the wrong guys for you? Listen to your friends and family. They generally know the type that doesn’t work for you when you’re are completely clueless that you even had a “type.” There are four general “wrong guys” for each woman. While the “Bad Boy” may work for one and produce a significant relationship, the best friend doesn’t work for that same person (or vice-versa). Recognizing the type you’re attracted to (but it never works out with), and choosing the opposite (or near opposite) may push you toward a direction of finding “The One.”

The Bad Boy Alpha males are attractive to almost every woman. They’re charismatic, narcissistic, and handsome. Who could resist that?! If you are an opinionated and successful woman, chances are the Bad Boy isn’t going to work for you EVER. The Bad Boy is only a good candidate for the laid-back lady who’s looking for someone to take the reins.

The Best Friend If your attraction is similar to that of a best friend, he may be wrong for you. If he was initially put in the “friend zone,” he should probably stay there. You may know each other TOO well—not allowing you to be really interested in each other like you would be if you had just met. There may be too many things you have in common, and sexual situations may be a little awkward. However, there are some people who like the comfort of having someone who knows them inside and out. If you’re one of those people, and security is a MUST in your life, dating a friend may work well for you.

The One Your Mom Wants Your mom has an opinion on everyone you date. She even picks people for you through her friends’ kids. She tells them, “You’d love my daughter!” Here’s the problem: they’re too old, too young, not attractive, work too much, or aren’t masculine enough for you. If you’re adventurous (and trust your mom), a blind date may be something new that could prove to work for you. If your mom continuously sets you up with men who haven’t worked out, maybe it’s time to let her know that her services aren’t needed any longer!

The Too Good to Be True This man could also be called “the nice guy.” If there is NOTHING wrong with him, he’s probably wrong for you. I know it may sound funny, but there’s such a thing as too perfect. If he doesn’t disagree with you on anything or have his own views, it won’t last long term.

This is why women reject the nice guys so often. They’re eager to please, non-confrontational, and truly want you to be happy. Because of their laid-back view on dating, they may not seem as manly. These guys are the underdog, being the least chosen by women… but the ones who WE SHOULD CHOOSE!

The idea is that you need to find someone who adores you… and in turn, you also adore. But initially, it means finding someone who gives you what you’re looking for without having to force the relationship to bloom. If one type of guy hasn’t worked for you in the past, it’s important to try something new until your approach works.

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5 Actions That Say He Loves You

Men seem to be hard to read by definition. So when it comes to determining if what you’ve got is the real deal, it involves a bit more effort than plucking petals from a flower and seeing what you land on. But no matter how guarded your man may be, there are some surefire actions that spell out L-O-V-E.

Here are five Dating with Dignity ways to tell if your man loves you.

1. He listens. A good listener is an attractive and important quality even in the earliest stages of dating, but it becomes even more important as a relationship becomes more serious. A man who listens to the little details of your life and makes sure to show you he remembers them is not only expressing his respect for you, but he’s also expressing his love.

2. He looks after you. Fixing things around your apartment… Bringing over soup, cold medicine, and your favorite movie when you’re sick… Reflexively protecting you from imminent danger… These are all ways a man expresses your importance to him in the most natural way he knows how. His efforts to make you feel safe and taken care of are clear evidence of his feelings for you and his hope that you see his ability to provide for you in the future.

3. He includes you in future plans. Speaking of the future, a man in love will talk about it with you and include you in it often. Whether making more practical long-term plans such as inviting you as his date to a wedding months away or talking serious plans such as marriage and kids, his automatic inclusion of you in his future means he wants you there for it.

4. He introduces you to others he loves. A guy is not going to make time for you to meet mom if he’s not thinking about something serious. When a man takes care to introduce you to his family and friends, he’s not only proud to show you off to the people who matter the most to him, but he clearly hopes they’ll love you as much as he does.

5. He says it. All actions aside, the only words you can count on to determine whether or not he loves you are the most obvious ones: “I love you.” If a man is truly, madly, and deeply in love with you, he won’t be able to keep it from you. And he’ll want to make sure you’re aware of it always and often!

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7 Things Single People Are Tired of Hearing

People who are in relationships seem to be more interested in their single friends’ dating lives than their own. With their “interest” in your love life also comes the most annoying and predictable comments, such as “You’re a total catch; I don’t understand why you’re still single.”

And that, of course, leaves you thinking, “Well, THANKS. If I understood why I was still single, we wouldn’t be having this talk.”

First things first: There is NOTHING wrong with being single, so don’t let your Debbie Downer friend tell you any differently.

Secondly, when someone asks you a dumb or rhetorical question about your love life, it’s absolutely okay to make them regret (a little) even asking. Let’s go through a few scenarios when being witty and “lovingly sarcastic” could put a stop to the endless pestering.

1. “It’ll happen when you least expect it.” Well… not really. Let’s put it this way: You’re just as likely to meet your perfect match during a Starbucks run on Sunday as you are in “da club” on Saturday night. Kindly let them know that you’re going to continue living your life as you were and look forward to meeting the right person in being the right person.

2. “Don’t you ever get lonely?” (The answer is yes.) We all get lonely, but I’d take lonely over miserable in a relationship any day. And you can reply with, “Of course! Why do you think I’m hanging out with you?” And take it from us: being alone is WAY better than being miserable lying next to a man each night who you doesn’t love you or no longer meets your needs.

3. “Aren’t you worried you won’t be able to have kids?” If celebrities well into their 40s are still having babies, then there’s a pretty good chance you can as well. Tell your overbearing friend that they’re your lady parts, and you get to pick the place and time to bear a child.

4. “You should try online dating.” When your friend perks up and excitedly reminds you that there’s this new thing called online dating, you can kindly tell her to buzz off. We’ve ALL tried online dating. If you like it, you’re probably still using it; and if you didn’t, then you don’t need to be reminded. Perhaps you could even ask if your friend would be up for snapping a few photos of you during the upcoming holiday season to use as a profile pic!

5. “There are plenty of fish in the sea.” Sure there are! However, it’ll take about 10 bad dates to have one that you would consider for date number two. More fish doesn’t always equal a better chance. Maybe consider telling your friend that the phrase hasn’t been popular since the ‘70s. And, what a great time to ask for a fix-up!

6. “You’re just too picky.” There’s a difference between knowing what you want in a person and being nit-picky because you’re trying to find something wrong with someone. (On the other hand, if your date doesn’t make over $100K a year and you’d be willing to ditch your date due to lack of funds, you may need to review your non-negotiables. Consider flipping the conversation around and asking what it was that made your friend attracted to her guy.)

7. “You should let me set you up… ” Listen: Unless you’re hand-delivering Gerard Butler, a bottle of wine, and The Notebook on Blu-ray, let’s save that set up for your niece. Some blind dates work out; but when a blind date goes bad, you have to be creative to get yourself outta there. A simple “no thank you” works for that one. Sometimes it’s fun to have a friend bring someone they want you to meet in a group setting, so try suggesting a lower-pressure activity if they really want you to meet someone.

It’s important to keep a positive outlook on being single and having faith that you will, at some point, meet a companion or spouse. Since everyone seems to be so concerned with your love life (more so than you), it’s time to get creative with your responses to the generic questions your grandma has asked you 20 times. Happy dating!

3 Responses to 7 Things Single People Are Tired of Hearing

Johnny BoyDecember 27, 2016

Nedalee ThomasSeptember 9, 2016

wummyJuly 4, 2016

Your list is so true. It’s very similar to the one this guy wrote: http://blogs.davelozinski.com/general/why-are-you-single

Us single guys (and I’m assuming single girls) all get tired of hearing these same things. It’s nice though that our friends do care about us though!

Thanks, Marni Battista, I love your article. It’s very important to have positive looks.

Well I quite appreciate your write up is really an eye opener and informative,but can I do when am not lucky to meet me right even online wrong people with dirty motive show up and if I tried the more matured online dating making payment is difficult bcos of where I come from Nigeria bcos of restriction so what do you think I should do?

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When to Have the “Are You Taking Down Your Online Profile?” Conversation with a Guy You’re Dating

Having the much dreaded “Are you taking down your profile?” conversation with a guy you’re dating is a delicate undertaking indeed.

While an amazing connection between two people who meet online can happen on a first date, it’s safe to assume that it generally takes people a minimum of one month to decide they want to focus on dating one person only. (We suggest one month minimum to ensure you’re dating with dignity, which means really collecting data on your new hottie before you decide he’s “the one!”) For men that time period can be even longer, as it can take men from one to three months to decide if they want to take themselves off the market.

This “Are you taking down your profile?” conversation is similar to the “What are you looking for in a relationship?” conversation or a “Sooo, are you dating anyone else?” conversation. As a result, it’s important to tread carefully while using excellent communication.

Why? Because rushing into a conversation like this could scare the other person if you bring it up too soon. So, you ask, when is “too soon” to initiate the conversation. Before you begin to wonder what HE wants, though, we recommend you begin by taking a look inward. What is it that you want, and why?

Taking your own profile down for a personal reason such as “I’m taking a break from online dating” or “I find myself checking my inbox too often” is perfectly fine. However, taking it offline after one amazing date with a seemingly amazing guy is not such a great idea. If he notices that you’ve removed it at midnight when you left your date around 11:30, he’s probably going to assume it has something to do with him–and he’ll probably think you’re jumping the gun.

So ease up and be patient. It’s important that you get to know him to make sure he shows up as the guy you want to be with long-term consistently, over time. One date does not make a Prince Charming, no matter how charming he may be.

One thing you can do if you feel ready to remove your profile after one to three months of amazing-ness with Mr. Right is to engage in a conversation with him about it directly. Side-stepping this conversation is, in itself, a red flag because there’s something inside you that is most likely “afraid” to bring it up.

If this sounds familiar, then it’s critical to find the cause of this fear. Are you afraid he isn’t as into you as you’re into him? Has your relationship moved at a snail’s pace, and you’re wondering if he’s Mr. Quality Casual rather than Mr. Boyfriend Material? Or perhaps you don’t feel comfortable with his communication style and are afraid he’ll shut down or get mad. Resolving this internal conflict is step one because if you’re not comfortable talking to him about big “issues,” then it’s definitely too soon to even have the conversation in the first place.

If, however, things are progressing and he makes you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings, it’s perfectly appropriate to have the “taking down the profile” conversation. You can simply say, “I’m happy with how our relationship is progressing and have really enjoyed getting to know you over the past few months. I know, for me, I’m not interested in dating anyone besides you right now. What do you think about that?”

If he isn’t ready, you may want to evaluate your current relationship status; you could think it’s more serious than it is. And if this is the case, that’s great news because now you can check your feelings for him, start to look more realistically at his potential as your match, and continue dating both online and off!

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Signs He Likes You: Body Language Says It All

If you read our Dating with Dignity blog post “How to Tell if a Man Is Interested in You,” you may be aware of the various ways a man can show his interest. And if you’re following along, you will know that a man’s body language says it all when it comes to giving you the “yes” signal you’re looking for.

Yep, ladies, it’s that simple when you use use our “Four Signs to ‘He’s Into Me’: Body Language Edition.” Check it out:

Eye contact   Surprisingly, sheepish, almost awkward eye contact often indicates he’s into you! If you catch him looking at you when you aren’t looking his way, and he quickly looks away when you look at him, he’s probably interested!

When you’re able to get close to his face, notice if his pupils are dilated as well, which is what happens when we look at someone we like! Direct eye contact is also an indicator that he likes you. Ultra confident guys will make serious eye contact; and when these men have you as a target, it will be obvious he wants to take your relationship to the next level!

As a dignity dater, you can also use this tip to determine if his eye contact is lusty or if he wants to get to really know you. A blatantly flirty look means he probably wants to get in your pants, while a deep, concentrated look (as if he’s really listening to you) means he wants to get in your brain!

Active listening

When in conversation, a guy who likes you will engage in active listening. He’ll lean in toward you while you’re speaking. He’ll make eye contact while you’re talking (see above), and he’ll also physically turn his body toward you. This is body language flirting at its finest.

In addition, a man who really wants to get to know you won’t lean away from you or look disinterested. (If you’re on a date with that guy, hope he doesn’t call you again.) Sometimes a guy who is interested in you will glance away occasionally. Don’t automatically assume he’s not interested; he’s probably just refocusing his attention.

He doesn’t touch his phone

Most of us are keyed in to respond to things like phone calls or text messages (or emails, or tweets, or Instagrams, or any other slew of technological alerts one gets from her phone).  Additionally, it’s become commonplace for some folks to place their phone on the table. (Bad date etiquette!) But if your guy has turned off his phone, turned off the ringer, or left it in his pocket and hasn’t glanced at it once all night, this is a good sign he is into YOU. You have captured his attention. Congratulations!

His body position

A man who’s squaring his shoulders toward you  is interested in getting to know you. Is his foot pointed at you as well? Great. His legs will be spread slightly, and he’ll definitely be facing you.

His direct body positioning toward you will also be helpful for him when he wants to do one of the old “accidentally-on-purpose” brushes of your elbow or arm. (This is certainly more on purpose than by accident.) Notice if he fixes his hair or adjusts his shirt or belt (subconsciously trying to draw your attention to his groin area), as these are signs he likes you.

Find out more about body language from my good friend, Kim Seltzer on the EliteSingles digital dating bootcamp.