sweets-pcs-rambeling

[sweets-pcs-rambeling]

[In Character.. poetry?]

And then I said no.

I said no and I was never the same.

I said no the ruling ad the power and the possiblties

I said no and I became someone different

I would love to say "Oh it was Limos who changed me like that" but it wasn't

It was madness. And their offer. And everything that it meant to me.

I said no the burning. No to the fire. Never shall it touch my skin.

I said no and ripped out my own heart.

I said no to the revenge. I said no to the past

I said no to giving myself completely just to make another person suffer

I ruined madness' dreams that day. I ruined their hope. And I know that I did

But at the end of the day it was just a dream

It wasn't real

And I woke up.

[sweets-pcs-rambeling]

I'm just gonna drop this here 🥰

The blog is just a little spam account for in character things.

It's funny because, even before Bianca called her "mom" I thought about how Eli feels about motherhood ALOT. I guess it was always in back of my mind abd relevant because Lucas wanted to have children!

Which is why I'm really excited to explore this, even if I would have never expected it

To be fair the post above talks more about pregnany and not just about having children...but still.

Tw: Pregnancy, mentions of fetal and traumatic births

Becoming pregnant sounds absolutely terrifying.

Birth sounds scary as shit. Being absolutely helpless as you expiernce one of the worst pains imagineabe? Having to completely relay on others and a medical profesional to make sure you're alright? The mortality rate? No.

And even if that wasn't the biggest issue I'd be a terrible mother. I would fuck up my child so badly. And...... truly....... what scares me the most? What if I.....what if I give birth to a child.....and I get to hold it.....and I feel...nothing?

What if I can't love my own child?

By my godess, I couldn't do it. I can't, I just can't.

I need to make sure it never happens

- Eliana Phlox

[sweets-pcs-rambeling]

He said what he said.

If he truly wants me

I'm taking him with me.

[sweets-pcs-rambeling]

This is stupid. Why does kissing a person I like automatically mean hurting another person I like?

I want him so bad I feel like I'm about to explode

I'm gonna die in a few days. Why do I even bother about his well being? I could just get what I want and move on. None of this will have any consequences, besides a guilty conscience once I die.

I love the way my heart starts beating when he gets close to me

But my conscience already has worse sins to bear. This truly is nothing in comparison to what I'm actually capable of.

It all feels too right to be wrong

Maybe I should just stay true myself and mess it up. I already made enough mistakes on this mission, doing one more won't matter at this point. Not that it ever matterd in the first place...

Please. Just let me have my fun.

- Eliana Phlox, September of 320

[sweets-pcs-rambeling]

..Seems like a normal Tuesday

🪱✨food for the worms✨🪱

[sweets-pcs-rambeling]

Please lemme have two husbands I'm BEGGING YOU

- Eliana Phlox

[sweets-pcs-rambeling]

Tw: Pregnancy, mentions of fetal and traumatic births

Becoming pregnant sounds absolutely terrifying.

Birth sounds scary as shit. Being absolutely helpless as you expiernce one of the worst pains imagineabe? Having to completely relay on others and a medical profesional to make sure you're alright? The mortality rate? No.

And even if that wasn't the biggest issue I'd be a terrible mother. I would fuck up my child so badly. And...... truly....... what scares me the most? What if I.....what if I give birth to a child.....and I get to hold it.....and I feel...nothing?

What if I can't love my own child?

By my godess, I couldn't do it. I can't, I just can't.

I need to make sure it never happens

- Eliana Phlox

[sweets-pcs-rambeling]

Honestly, I wish I could talk about it but I just.... can't.

- Eliana Phlox

suicidal people deserve a space to talk about their suicidal feelings without risking hospitalization/institutionalization or being accused of being manipulative or attention seeking

[sweets-pcs-rambeling]

I....I did it.

I can't believe I did it.

He stopped breathing.

I

I

I killed him.

I killed him.

I KILLED MY HUSBAND

I KILLED MY HUSBAND

I KILLED MY....MY

MY EVERYTHING

I KILLED LUCAS

-Eliana Phlox, march 320