swallowingroses-blog - Tumblr blog

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*makes a tall character who acts evil* *makes a tall character who acts evil* *makes a tall character who acts evil* *makes a t

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"There's nothing to canonically suggest hes not a virgin" after listening to him talk to the deputy for five minutes id argue thats proof enough he IS a virgin

i’ve been so dense…blinded by the Chad-muscles…he’s the Virgin in Chad’s skin….

Obsessed with pseduo-eugenics, the same song on his iPod shuffle over and over again, not connecting his mustache to his beard, has to kidnap cute ppl to get their attention…i should have known

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So i’m sifting through a lot of unpublished fc5 sketches, and i needed to share two (2) very important ones featuring @nihiilesbian‘s deputy Grace whom i love and cherish forever and i refuse that anything bad might happen to her like, ever ;w;

also a very important zoom in:

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Joseph Seed really is a punk ass bitch. On one hand, he guilts John for being a wrathful monster by telling him he “has to love them,” not excessively intimidate the flock, and leaves John loving guilting voice messages about curbing his anger.

But then if we take Joey at her word—why would we not?—he also just stands by and watches as John tortures people in his bunker?? Not to mention Jospeh has no problem reaping direct financial and social benefit from John’s “wrath”.

Like John is almost 40 and doesn’t need defending, but Joseph’s “you have to love them” has nothing to do with him being the more compassionate Seed and everything to do Joseph keeping John, who is at once the most useless and most essential sibling, under his control.

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really hate that Jake Gyllenhaal is the go-to John Seed cast because it’s perfect on one hand, since Gyllenhaal has what I call that “fridge horror handsome” look that John does, where upon first glance you’re like “what a pretty boy” but you don’t wanna look too long, or else you’re like “That boy ain’t right.” but i also hate it because John doesn’t deserve to be played by someone that good-looking

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Everyone in Hope county has, at some point, gone out at night to chase the raccoons out of their garbage to find Jacob Seed rooting around in it instead

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Ubisoft actually made a mission that’s 50% your Cap watching Joseph Seed’s gummy ass clap up a mountain as he periodically cracks his back like the 61-year-old man he is. Someone please re-invent life alert; my Cap can’t deal with this responsibility. 

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If you have time The Seeds as people who you were never really friends with but hung out a few times anyway because your mutual friends would leave you alone with them until one day you just never saw or asked about eachother ever again

why would i be friends with someone who’s friends with the Seeds? i’m not white, i can’t take those chances IRL. 

Jacob: when the pause gets to be awkward enough, he just pulls out his phone and asks if you wanna watch a vid? It’s a Jordan Peterson lecture that’s 45 minutes long. Even when your friend comes back in the room, you feel a hand push down on the back of your neck. Finish the video. 

Joseph: won’t shut the fuck up. You: “So got any hobbies?” Joseph: “Yes, preparing for the Collapse. It all started when I was seven years old, watching Gone with the Wind–yes, really terrible about the slavery I know–when I was pulled out of class. Oh, wait, I also like Spiderman comics, put a pin in that. Anyways…”

John: You open your mouth to say something and John interrupts to let you know that he knows you think he’s hot. Will give you the “honor” of sucking out his Seed before your mutual friend gets back, so make it quick

Faith: Asks to braid your hair. You indulge her and when you try to make small-talk and ask about her childhood, she gives you a not-to-gentle tug. “Oops. Oh well, that will grow back.”

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Sharky Boshaw’s apocalypse journal

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clown (self diagnosed)

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not to be That Guy but nobody cried this much when brazils national museum burned down in september, just goes to show how much people favor white history!!!

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SEED FAMILY ITALIAN MOB AU

Obviously not going for 100% historical/modern day mob accuracy; I’m an internet dweeb not a mob historian fucking fight me I will destroy you in single combat

• Instead of a Cult, the Seeds head a classic Italian mob family

• Jacob is their older half-brother by an Irish father

• As such, he gives no fucks about their extra af Italin bullshit, but he would die to protect his little brothers

• -Instert “Godfather Joseph” Joke Here-

• John is the shady mob lawyer who gets them out of any significant legal troubles and provides their private accounting

• Which makes him the one in charge of money loans, and breaking the kneecaps of those who don’t pay up

• Eden’s Gate is actually a violent Motorcycle Gang the mob maintains strong influence over

• Jacob leads Eden’s Gate since an Irish man can’t technically be a part of the actual mob

• Faith is the head cook for Eden’s Gate(many motorcycle gangs in the real world are heavily into the drug trade)

• The Whitetails are a rival Motorcycle Club

• “Confession” is a huge thing in Italian mobs, where they confess their sins(namely, ehem, murder) to the Catholic Church to be absolved

• The Deputy is an undercover cop sent to infiltrate the mob

• John discovers this first, but keeps it a secret from his brothers, and tries to make them confess their sins and abandon their role as an infiltrator

• Totally wants to have a big mob wedding with the Deputy

• Joseph “On this, the day of my brother’s wedding” Seed

• SO MUCH Italian cousine

• The Watery MacNCheeseTM was Joseph’s sad attempt at “American Cousine”

• Joseph’s wife and daughter were killed in a rigged-car explosion intended to kill him

• The guilt turns him into a bit of a religious nutjob

• Since The Duncans aren’t involved in this AU, John isn’t any more religious than the average Catholic mobster, so he operates more out of a fiece devotion to Joseph and desire to please rather than a fear-of-god

• Not understanding why his father mistreated Jacob, John grew up terrified of his parents and was desperate to please them

• John is not above bullying the clergy until they tell him what he wants to hear

• Jacob was still homeless after returning from the war, since Joseph and John’s father refused to allow his wife’s irish bastard back into the family

• Joseph and John’s parents die “an untimely death of unfortunate circumstance” after the younger brothers find out how their parents abandoned Jacob, leaving Joseph in charge

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when u rompin around with ya pot

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Stream sketches :) 

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im a simple girl with simple tastes

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I dunno if I need that apology, I kinda prefer him to eat glass too.

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Dude, you turned out to be a goat. Shut the hell your mouth about being “handsome”