swagbitch666

[swagbitch666]

love when dogs come back to you with seeds stuck to them. lmao get used as dispersal idiot. that’s just what you get for snuffling the grasses

[swagbitch666]

i have a runny nose so im gonna stop by the pharmacy and pick up a curved greatsword to behead myself with

[swagbitch666]

hi im your cat do you mind if i touch your coffee. do you mind if i put my whole foot in your coffee

[swagbitch666]

Beautiful painting my niece drew 4 Thanksgivign

[swagbitch666]

[swagbitch666]

[swagbitch666]

[swagbitch666]

cfo shit post my beloved

[swagbitch666]

60 years ago today jfk’s head just did that

[swagbitch666]

normally it's frustrating when mystery games hand you answers on a silver plate but in ace attorney, the witnesses' tendencies to conveniently say far more than what they were asked for is so hilarious that it becomes its own reward. ace attorney witnesses will be asked what time they saw the murder and they'll say it was 10:40 and they know it was exactly that time because that's the exact minute they open the can of Fancy Feast to feed their elderly russian blue cat, father of 12 kittens and phoenix will be like umm actually i spoke to your cat and here's a written affidavit from him that there was a recall on Fancy Feast and also he's never been to russia nor known the touch of a woman. you're going to jail buddy

[swagbitch666]

You just arent treating your laptops right if you think its feeble. I whip my laptop with a riding crop and it works wonderfully and has lasted years

[swagbitch666]

your mom is a baked potato your dad's dumb ass is asparagus and you are a god damn green bean

[swagbitch666]

santa put me on the Nuanced list this year

[swagbitch666]

[swagbitch666]

sorry that my pussy is so wet and soft and inviting and my heart is pure and full of whimsy. as if it’s my fault.

[swagbitch666]

this image just tickles me in a certain way like... not 'as hard as i can' but as soon.. he is too busy to laugh right now and he doesnt know when he will be available but he'll try to squeeze it in

[swagbitch666]

girl are you a medieval executioner bc you are torturing me with your rack