suykotzuly

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Alastor: I hate physical contact

Also Alastor: repeatedly touches Charlie a good 37 times in a singular scene

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I love that us charlastor shippers have basically made our own fandom and our own version of the show where everything is the same except Charlie and Al are banging each other nine ways to Sunday and everyone else just kinda looks the other way about it

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Lucifer: what the HELL is going on here?!?

Charlie:

Everybody in the hotel:

Lucifer, angrily picking up a cup: NONE OF YOU ARE USING COASTERS!!

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“Cringe culture is dead!!” And then you go and bully people for liking Hazbin hotel

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Charlie: Vaggie for the love of God stop being sexy!

Vaggie: I just put an apron on so my clothes wouldn't get dirty.

Charlie: Don't deny the sensual powers of responsibility.

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Cherri: I'm going to take you out.

Sir Pentious: Great, it's a date!

Cherri: I meant that as a threat.

Sir Pentious: See you at five!

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Lucifer, to Asmodeus and Beelzebub: we’ve decided that if anything should happen to me or Lilith, we would want you two to be Charlie’s guardians.

Bee: *gasps* this is great!! Charlie, when something horrible happens to your parents you’re going to be all ours!

Lucifer: it really is more of an ‘if’ situation—

Ozzie, hugging Charlie and Bee: all ours!!

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Young Charlie: damnit.

Lucifer: did you just curse? ‘Cause we don’t talk like that in this goddamn motherfucking house! Shit!

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Valentino: sorry we’re late.

Velvette: we didn’t wanna come.

Vox: but we felt it would be rude to deprive you all of our presence.

The Vees: *all strike a pose*

Carmilla: I didn’t ask any of you to come here.

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Lilith: I’m going to take a shower. Would you like to join me?

Lucifer: you know love, there’s an angelic gun in the footlocker in the storage room. If I ever say “no” to that question, I want you to use it on me.

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Angel: smiles! Kiss, marry, kill: me, Charlie, and Husk.

Alastor: kiss Charlie, marry Charlie, kill Lucifer.

Lucifer, from the other room: I wasn’t even one of the options!

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Husk: [coughing up a hair ball] Excuse me.

Vaggie: Gross!

Charlie: Wait why is it pink and white that's not your fur color.

Angel Dust: Morning everyone what's for breakfast?

[Everyone stares at Angel]

Angel Dust: what

Charlie: OMG! You Are Dating!

Hask & Angel Dust: No

Vaggie: Then how did your hair ended up in his hair ball.

Husk: It was a magic trick, and a good magician never reveals his secret.

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Lilith carrying drunk Lucifer home from Ozzie's: Come on Angel, let's get you out of those clothes and into bed.

Lucifer scrambling out of her arms and flying away: FUCK OFF I'M MARRIED!

Lilith smiling and watching him lock himself in their room and hearing him barricade the door: . . . I'm going to rail him so hard tomorrow.

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Charlie making breakfast: *flips and smacks pancake with spatula* Good pancake.

Vaggie: . . . I'm flat and tasty, flip me over, spank me and call me a good pancake.

Charlie: *Blushing redder than Hell's sky line while having Thoughts*

Angel Dust: *double dying from laughter*

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Husk: Fuck no! Angel and I don't use pet names! Absolutely fucking not!

Alastor: Uh-huh. Remind me, what's the name given to especially long-limbed arachnids?

Husk: Daddy Long Legs?

Angel Dust, poking his head into the room: What is it, Kitty Bits?

Husk: *death glare*

Alastor: Don't ever lie to my face again.

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Velvette: Are you sure this is the right direction?

Valentino: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!

Vox: In that case, we're definitely lost.

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Lucifer: hey what were you dreaming about last night? You kept kicking me.

Lilith: I dreamt you were snoring.