suspiciously-few-dragons

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Positive affirmations:

I deserve a halberd

I should be given a halberd

People want me to have a halberd

I can be trusted to own a halberd

I will be given a halberd one day

People will think my halberd is incredibly hot

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wizard college is going to kill me I swear to god. I just saw someone without a component satchel reach into their pocket and pull out a handful of LOOSE tapioca to use as a substitute for blood in their fell ritual. and it worked. I've never been so fucking mad.

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If you see your USA mutual looking at the news and then producing a burger from their pocket and eating it, that can mean nothing good. This is the »emergency burger« used to strengthen oneself in times of dire need, and resorting to it is an unambiguous sign of great distress

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"Disgruntled, annoyed, and ready to leave, this Kobold is a wandering traps maker that is just looking to make a living and avoid trouble, often trading with adventurers on the road. They seem wary of others' intentions, but perhaps the right adventuring party could bring out the warmth in their scaly heart? Because despite their caution, trouble seems to find them on the road..." 

This LC design (among others!) is available for you and anyone to play in your own campaigns for only 5 bucks! You can find them up on my ko-fi if you're interested! 💕💖

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Lava Dragon

A fiery dragonscale dice set with a gradient of UV reactive colours.

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Wizard: Oh, I like your Goblin detecting sword! That's funny.

Goblin who thought they just had a cool glowing sword: ... My what now?

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I love making a gag character for D&D, forgetting they’re just a gag character, and then take a step back to look at the original ref

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his guilt complex and crying fits compel me

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So I'm looking through the changes in the 2024 D&D players' handbook and this catches my eye.

I'm sorry go over that bit again?

Uh huh...

"I'm going to roll stealth to sneak in undetected."

"OK, how do you see that working?"

"I am very angry."

"... And that helps you how?"

"Ah, I see"

shaking dice "Oh do you now..."

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101 evil schemes for dnd from the dragon magazine annual from 2000

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I have never seen someone escape the cycle of suffering and reach true and perfect zen the way that one of my D&D players, an honest-to-god tenured college dean and professor, does when he inhabits his 7 INT bardlock elf prettyboy. Brain goes in a jar on the shelf for two hours. Nothing between those pointy ears but one jingle bell rolling back and forth. Refers to his patron as his "sugar mama" and That Warlock Cantrip as "Elvis blast." You can SEE the player knowing and suspecting things and gleefully not acting on them. I love it so much. Next week I'm gonna see if I can bait him into fucking a vampire milf. I bet it'll work

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Your friend is not Brennan Lee Mulligan. Your friend is not capable of being Brennan Lee Mulligan. They tried to be Brennan Lee Mulligan, and they got burnt out. Your friend. Is not. Brennan Lee Mulligan.

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inspired by the scariest words my dm has ever said to me and the subsequent coolest (AND SCARIEST) scene of my life

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grabs your hand. you've had enough plot and exposition and character development lately im taking you to the beach episode

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Reporting live from the fucking gutter sis