suspiciously-few-dragons - Tumblr blog

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his guilt complex and crying fits compel me

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So I'm looking through the changes in the 2024 D&D players' handbook and this catches my eye.

I'm sorry go over that bit again?

Uh huh...

"I'm going to roll stealth to sneak in undetected."

"OK, how do you see that working?"

"I am very angry."

"... And that helps you how?"

"Ah, I see"

shaking dice "Oh do you now..."

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101 evil schemes for dnd from the dragon magazine annual from 2000

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I have never seen someone escape the cycle of suffering and reach true and perfect zen the way that one of my D&D players, an honest-to-god tenured college dean and professor, does when he inhabits his 7 INT bardlock elf prettyboy. Brain goes in a jar on the shelf for two hours. Nothing between those pointy ears but one jingle bell rolling back and forth. Refers to his patron as his "sugar mama" and That Warlock Cantrip as "Elvis blast." You can SEE the player knowing and suspecting things and gleefully not acting on them. I love it so much. Next week I'm gonna see if I can bait him into fucking a vampire milf. I bet it'll work

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Your friend is not Brennan Lee Mulligan. Your friend is not capable of being Brennan Lee Mulligan. They tried to be Brennan Lee Mulligan, and they got burnt out. Your friend. Is not. Brennan Lee Mulligan.

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inspired by the scariest words my dm has ever said to me and the subsequent coolest (AND SCARIEST) scene of my life

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grabs your hand. you've had enough plot and exposition and character development lately im taking you to the beach episode

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Reporting live from the fucking gutter sis

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i’m p sure i’ve posted this before, but it’s still funny

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Places you should add to your little town/city in your fantasy world!!

Post offices. Wild, I know. But give me the unhinged kind. Pingeons and little postal dragons all over the place. You enter. The most disgusting smell fucking assaults your nostrils. You know what it is. Letter in hand, you go up to the counter. The postal worker is just a slightly bigger pigeon. You shed a tear.

PLAYGROUNDS!! Create the most dangerous kinds of playgrounds, the ones suburban moms would TRIP if they ever saw one. Monkey bars that are way too tall, swings that go full circle... The metal slide stays the same, it's already painful enough.

PARKS!! MAKE IT ALIVE!! Show people going on walks, reading beneath trees. C'mon most of them are already hundred years old (And are going to die after that CR 15 creature wrecks the town) anyways!! Show couples and picnics, show a family enjoying the sunday, give me someone picking flowers for their loved ones.

A bakery! Do you know how much these places are underrated? And do you know how much plot potential they have? Every good story starts with food poisoning or granny's recipe! Give me a place your players/readers are going to treat like home and, for once, it's not a tavern or a guild.

Government buildings! Give me a town hall that has a kilometric line in front of it. Give me a registry that is as old as this town. Give me police stations! Give me courtrooms! Make one of your players get arrested and now all of the party has to go through burocracy like a bunch of normal people!

(Who am I kidding? You don't need to make them get arrested. They are going to do that for you.)

Touristic attractions! Give me a full-on statue of the country's leader! Give me museums! Give me streets, ruins and whatnot that attract thousands of tourists everyday! Give me an annoying city guide that tries to get the party's attention everytime!

Magazine stands! Magazines don't exist? Newspaper stands! From the Queen's Journal to the most questionable new piece of Fox's Tailtracker, you have it all! Make your players doubt what's actually happening, sprinkle a little fake news... Or is it fake at all?

...Toy stores. OK HEAR ME OUT. Make magic toys; miniature skyships that actually fly, metal toy dragons that expel fire, little wands that make little light spells, wooden creatures that can move and make noises... Make children happy! And your players too because they will waste their money on these stuff.

Instrument store!! Make your bards happy with special instruments or just weird ones! Give me a battle in one of those that is just filled with funny noises and the worst battle soundtrack ever!!

Not exactly a place but... Cleaning carts!!! Show me people cleaning the streets, picking up the trash, cutting trees!! Make the town look clean!! Give me an old man that is really proud of his work!!!

(or ways to make your players feel even worse when the villain destroys the town later on :) )

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Still in awe of how well the D&D movie mimicked the feeling of D&D without doing anything as tediously literal as a "sitting around the table" framing device. The way some characters have names that sound like names a DM improvised on the spot, the sudden appearance and disappearance of a overpowered DM NPC for a single dungeon, the way they used the fact that characters can plausibly just mess up for no clear reason to escalate action scenes...that was cinema

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idk what dm needs to hear this but you arent getting that done in a single session

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After enough break ins and bar fights a bartender has learned that it is actually a lot cheaper to just get mimics to be his tables than to replace them constantly. They also make for one hell of a security

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I prepared a mountain of grilled cheese with mugs of tomato soup for a session of D&D a few weeks ago

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Dnd party