susiewyh

[susiewyh]

it’s nine o’ clock in the evening, eighth of may, 2023. and i’m here to reflect.

today i approached my school’s social worker. maybe more like, ‘being forced’, as it’s a friend’s suggestion for me to do so as i have been crying too often, at the inappropriate places, and at the inappropriate people.

anyway, i just want to solve all the problems i am encountering these days. it’s going to be fine, as i have someone I trust as my accompaniment, and i guess it won’t be too bad, seeing all the soothing green couches in the room, with colorful plushies sitting on them, greeting me.

and sorry for the late and sudden disclaimer: i am a bad writer, don’t expect anything useful from this.

then she came out from her office. she really suits the kinda of murky green of the dress she’s wearing, though had bags under her eyes, probably exhausted from all the counseling she has did. but she still greeted me with a wide grin, which i should learn from: being optimistic and nice.

maybe it’s just me being insecure, and trusting people too easily (like how i am towards love), her vibe makes me feel safe.

apparently my friend had been quite close to her, well that’s quite normal as she’s never the kind of mentally-stable girl, not ever. but the way they include me in their talks and their laughs, soothed my worn out heart by a bit.

also fun fact: i have never heard someone’s laugh sound so much like a goose before, but in a good and playful way, i really like it.

we all sat down, as she took out a card made from cardboard to show us. simplicity, that’s the only word i can think of to describe it. there were only three yellow dried flowers stuck on it, all with different sizes, put in perfect proportional places.

the way she said it’s a masterpiece from one of her students, and the genuine happiness and pride shown from her grayish-black eyes are just admirable.

if only I could be like the card, or her, to stop overthinking and finding joy in the smallest places of life.

then, like magic, a box full of stacks of photographs appeared on the circular table in front of us. i looked at my friend, and she smiled back, as if this is something she has seen lots of times.

then the green-dress figure opened the lid and said,

‘now i want you two to pick three cards that touch you the most from the pile.’

seriously, i was shocked, as i thought she would start with a long introduction, and would like me to share everything about me. honestly that would scare me out as i’m an obvious introvert to anyone. i guess my companion has told her about me, and i do like this start so I’m not going to fuss about it.

it’s a long, hard five minutes. there seem to be endless pictures of the world, mostly nature, in the pile. of course, too much has touched my heart. i couldn’t, in any way, make any easy choices. the friend had her brows all clutched, and i know that she is experiencing the same as me too.

then we finally finished ended our endless indecisive journey. we showed each other our cards. i chose pictures of a stag wandering aimlessly in a mystified forest, a camera on a wooden table, and a girl laughing, while hugging a cute husky.

yeah, and then she asked me to share my views on all the pictures i’ve picked. let’s just skip my analysis, shall we? it’s getting to personal for me to express.

people often tell me to have more confidence in myself, everything will work out eventually. but the thing is i never really accepted those as they’re just blurry ideas, and i had never felt true care from these words.

however, when she mentioned it, it just gave me a feeling of understanding that i have never ever felt before in my life. actual tears started swirling in my eyes, i was so touched.

finally, i found someone who understands and gives actual advice.

it’s ten o’ clock in the evening, eighth of may, 2023. today, I think i found the start to my mental wellbeing.