surgicalgrandparents-aita

[surgicalgrandparents-aita]

I sent this in at the beginning of the month (I think) so I figured I'd provide additional context and provide some updates.

I haven't left yet (next point elaborates on why), but I have a friend from out of state who offered to be my roommate (in addition to this, my brother's planning to get a place when he finishes his military training and also told me I could move in with him once he has a place, but I want to leave sooner so it's not something I'm considering currently).

There are probably multiple people wondering why I haven't left yet, or why I didn't leave the second I turned 18. I'm also disabled. I have epilepsy that's triggered by heat, physical exhaustion, and flashing lights (and the rate at which lights have to flash to trigger a seizure for me are INCREDIBY inconsistent; I've been able to ace a strobe test but also had strobe tests cause seizures), which makes getting a job and driving potentially dangerous and leaving me with limited independence (I've also been having issues getting on a proper sleep schedule, which would make it difficult to even hold a job). I've also been told by multiple neurologists that when I do move out I shouldn't live on my own to due to the safety risk of me living alone while having epilepsy with the triggers I have. Basically, because I haven't had anyone else to live with, I haven't been able to move out, and wouldn't be able to anyway because I don't have the funds (something I'm trying to fix. I applied for social security benefits earlier today for example; it'll take a while for the application process to go through though).

My grandpa has received his knee surgery. My grandma hasn't received her surgeries, as I believe she's waiting until spring/summer.

I have a dog, specifically a pitbull, which makes it hard to find a place to live (because of breed restrictions). However, I have witnessed firsthand my grandparents slap her if she swipes food, and they've told me to put her (with her short as hell fur) outside in sub-freezing temperatures as punishment (personally, I don't think you should ever put a dog outside as punishment or punish a dog in general, but that's just me). If I'm gonna leave, I'm bringing my dog with me, because I'm not leaving her with people who are going to punish her like that.

I called my grandpa lazy because he is legitimately lazy. His disability basically boils down to a painful limp, but he doesn't let it stop him from doing things he wants to do. If he doesn't want to do something he has someone else do it. He has people grab things for him that he can grab just fine on his own. He took his entire deck apart and put it back together almost completely on his own before he got his surgery.

My grandpa does not care about my sensory issues (to clarify: I have an autism diagnosis, and my family knows this because I talk about it regularly). I ask him to stop doing something because it's bothering me and he doesn't. He actually used to actively mock me over this but doesn't anymore thankfully. He'll have the TV up way too loud and complain if I ask him to turn it down because it's too loud. I wear pajamas most of the time because it's what's most comfortable to me, and I've fought both my grandparents over this.

When my grandpa got back from his surgery (my grandma went with him and my dad took him), it was an overnight trip because the hospital doing the surgery was 3 hours away and my grandpa had to be checked in by 5:30am. I actually felt my mental health get worse when they got back, and I think that alone says a lot about how much I need to leave.

When it comes to them asking me to do things, it's not so much what they're asking, it's the quantity of requests and how they're phrased. I feel like I'm constantly being asked to things, and being interrupted when I'm in the middle of doing something makes me irritable. Additionally, I've had them ask me to do things while I'm playing a game I can't pause, then when I tell them I couldn't pause what I was doing they act like I was lying to get out of what they wanted me to do. I'm actually better at doing things I need to do when I'm not told to. I genuinely think I'd do better if they told me they needed something done rather than telling me to do something (ie, "The curtains need to be closed" vs "Come close the curtains"). I've brought this up to my grandma but she doesn't really seem to care. Additionally, they don't ask, they demand.

My dad has his own apartment, and a full time job. If he's not working he's sleeping or getting ready for work, which led to me developing behavioral issues as a kid. Those behavioral issues, combined with undiagnosed autism, resulted in me being sent to a group home for a year and seven months, which is something I have nightmares over due to the abandonment issues it gave me.

In addition to all this, my grandparents have done several things that come off as manipulative/are straight up manipulative in hindsight (this isn't everything, just the things I can think of off the top of my head).

There was one time a few months ago when I got into a fight with my grandpa and the next day he took me to get lunch. He acted really nice the entire time and like nothing had happened, which I remember confused the shit out of me.

My grandpa has threatened to get rid of my dog several times because he thought I wasn't taking care of her. My grandma was perfectly fine with this????? My grandpa actually told me he got rid of her when he took her to her first professional grooming appointment.

I told my grandparents to stop giving my dog human food so I could start training her to not steal food and they started acting like it was my fault they were giving her human food in the first place.

That's all I can think of to add for now. I hope this was thorough enough to answer any additional questions.

AITA for moving out right before my disabled grandparents get surgeries? (TWs for transphobia, child abuse, child neglect, religious trauma, the whole works)

Alright so I (19 NB, turning 20 in January) am trying to find a place to move out of state because my grandparents (who I currently live with) and dad don’t treat me (or my 18 year old brother) the best. I don’t feel like I have a lot of freedom to do what I want, because my grandparents (76 M and 74 F) are constantly asking me to do things they can do just fine on their own and they threaten me if I don’t comply. I was also raised to never question authority which includes them, so they act like me questioning their authority or opinions is me getting into fights with them. My dad (46 M) just enables them, telling me to behave and listen to them like I’m still a kid.

In addition to all this, they’re all transphobic. As mentioned before, I’m non-binary. My dad and grandma aren’t as bad and seem to be complying with my grandpa’s views, but my grandpa is HORRIFIC. I tried to explain my identity to him once and he straight up told me he didn’t care and didn’t want an explanation.

Outside of this, my grandparents are also Mormon, which has led me to end up with some religious trauma. They blame every one of their views on their religion, and are constantly telling me I’m never gonna be happy if I don’t start going to church again (something I haven’t done since I was 13 or 14).

My dad also told me he hopes I like my “newer brother” and how he’s changed because my brother is currently training to be a medic in the US military, and just finished his basic training. Aside from this being extremely off putting to me, this isn’t the first time my dad has sorta acted like I’m his golden child.

It’s worth noting that with how I’ve been treated my entire life, I’ve picked up people pleasing tendencies and can’t even say no. If I don’t want to do something I procrastinate until someone else does it then lie and claim I was going to do it.

Now all of this might have you like “NO YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY NOT THE ASSHOLE” but here’s where I’m questioning that.

Both of my grandparents are disabled. My grandma had a stroke back in 2010 that still affects her to this day and as a result of it her balance is messed up so she has a hard time doing things on her own. My grandpa is having a knee surgery to help alleviate his disability (although a lot of his behavior is absolutely 100% just laziness). It’s making me feel bad for even considering leaving, but I’m so sick of being treated how I am. I feel like I can’t learn to say no until I’m cut off from my family. I don’t even remember most of my childhood and have a dissociative disorder, and I’m pretty sure those are linked (not remembering most of my childhood and having a dissociative disorder).

But I just. I genuinely can’t shake the feeling that I’m an asshole for moving out right before my grandparents get surgeries. So. AITA?

What are these acronyms?