supersunshinekatiethings-blog
Amazing Katie
8 posts
Farren's Mom, God's Daughter, Your Friend | Yoga Obsessed | Adventure Seeker | Trail Runner | Lover of Life | Forever Grateful
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A few months ago I saw a beautiful young girl sitting at a corner table in a coffee shop in town. She sat with two other girls. She was wiping away tears while her friends consoled her. The one had her hand over her friends hand and the other, her hand on her shoulder. Support. Love. Friendship. Connection.Ā 
I carried on with my day and that was the end of that. Last week I walked into the same coffee shop and saw the same beautiful girl sitting at a table, but this time she was all alone. Wiping away her tears again. My heart broke for her.Ā 
To be sad and in community with others is one thing but to be sad and to be alone, is another thing entirely. I felt the nudge to go console / love / talk to her (Thanks Jesus, I know you love how awkward I can be but this seems a bit intrusive surely?)Ā 
Anyway, I opened my laptop and got my coffee and then she (The beautiful girl) got up to pay... Nudge nudge nudge...Okaaaay.... As she was about to make her escape I popped up next to her (Yes like a weirdo) put my hand gently on her back and asked "Are you okay?" - to which I rolled my eyes to myself in my head - Obviously she wasn't okay. She smiled so sweetly and started talking to me and shared a bit of her story, a story I've heard so many times before - not her situation - but the story of connection - how its desired, lost, repaired, needed and so on.
After a brief chat we exchanged some digits and hugged and off she went. I'm obviously not divulging her story here but what I can say is that the next time I saw her she was happy & smiling her gorgeous big brave smile!Ā 
I'm so happy I met you, beautiful girl.
You reminded me that connection is so important in this ever changing world we live in. That the foremost pillar of happiness is a sense of belonging and purpose. That connection is vital, but it is so often overlooked and people are so unsure how to foster real connection in their lives with so much going on around them.
From my own experiences and knowing others, I find the biggest problem in most peopleā€™s lives is trauma, and trauma is what creates a damaged ability to connect with others. ā€œTraumaā€ is not a term reserved for the most severe and unrelenting atrocities one can experience. Anytime something scares us and we do not get over that fear, trauma is created. When we donā€™t believe we have the resources or abilities to cope with a certain problem or situation, we create adaptive behaviors to deny or avoid it.
The root of almost everything we suffer through is a severed connection we never figured out how to repair. Connection is the experience of oneness. Itā€™s having shared experiences, relatable feelings, or similar ideas. The point is that many of the ongoing problems we cannot resolve are, in fact, symptoms of deeper problems we may not be aware of.
Weā€™ve developed a world designed to create more connection than ever before, yet somehow, much of the digital age has cut our connection or fostered inauthentic connection, which obviously doesn't work. You cannot fake oneness. It is not something you create; Itā€™s something you feel.
I've gotten into trouble multiple times for being too straight forward, for asking straight questions, being blunt and so on...and maybe I am obtrusive, but its because I want REAL. I don't care about how much money you make or what you ate for dinner , I want to know how you feel, and why you feel that way. And ill share my experiences with you, because how can I expect you to open to me if I wouldn't do the same, with you.
I understand we are all different (Thank you God) , but in order to connect with others, we have to give them our time and honest feelings and ideas and have shared experiences and openness. We do not connect with others by trying to earn approval, awe, compliments, appreciation, envy, or superiority.
In the process of restoring a connection with others, we can realize that we actually create a connection with ourselves - and this; my friends, has changed my life.
As Brianna West said "If healing is a return to wholeness, then healing from trauma is remembering that we can trust others, we can trust ourselves, and we can trust life. It is the reintegration into easiness, calmness, and the willingness to allow life to be as it is rather than trying to control how itā€™s perceived. It is not waiting for others to initiate or sustain that connection. It is our own willingness to try again, be vulnerable again, show up for others, reach out, and make ourselves an active part of our communities and families and friend groups" - YES YES YES!!
In being seen and loved for who we are, how we think, and what we feel, we learn itā€™s okay to be as we are , authentically.
If our core human need is to connect with others, then the most important part of healing our emotional wounds is allowing ourselves to open up again. It is simply our willingness to show up as we are, and our trust that we will be taken care of. It is our discernment to give our time and energy to those who respect and cherish it back. And, most importantly, it is the knowledge that even if we do have to go through the fires of lifeā€”as all of us doā€”we come out the other end stronger, clearer, and more ready to appreciate what we have.
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I put off writing this post for some weird reasonā€¦ Didnā€™t feel like taking the time, or the energy when I have a spare quiet moment (I am SO tired) but then quickly realized last night that God has been nudging me in the ribs for weeks about this (He knows me so well ā€“ do things with Katie subtly because she hates being told what to do). I kept thinking ā€œjust wait, do it when you feel better, when you have more timeā€ and then last night listening to the sermon at church.. the very words that came out of our pastors mouth, Ā were the very first few lines on the draft I had written a few weeks agoā€¦
ā€œNothing on earth has greater potential to change lives and carry out his Kingdom work in your community than your local churchā€ Bill Hybels
Donā€™t stop reading non-Christians! I promise it gets better. I donā€™t mean that the church solves everything ā€“ it doesnā€™t. But it does gather a bunch of people with different backgrounds, different morals, different attitudes and so on, under one roof ā€“ for the same reason. To Glorify God ā€“ and how do we do that - by LOVING others.
To glorify God is to reveal HIS character being who we were created to be ā€“ the embodiment of the image of God in human form. Our Identity must not be determined by what the world says about us , but by the fact that God dwells in us.
A few weeks ago I went on a ā€œnight missionā€ with some friends. They visit the shelters in Durban CBD on a regular basis. Amazing people ā€“ giving their time, love and energy to the forgotten , the homeless , the ā€œunlovedā€ .
Anyway, off I went with them ā€“ Iā€™ve been on loads of mission work type evenings / day missions / painting missions / soup kitchens etc before, I considered myself pretty hardcore after having seen and been through a lot - Ā but that particular evening at the shelter affected me like I have never ever been effected in my life. Ā Iā€™ve tried to describe that evening to lot of people but I canā€™t seem to express it properly.
A 3 story homeless shelter in the center of Durban with drug addicts, young helpless children, prostitutes and destitute people with no hope for their future. Dirty, stinky, hot, bright lights, no lights, smokeā€¦..Honestly just something out of a movie for me. Trainspotting comes to mind.
I met Jessica, a young woman who made some bad choices in life and ended up living on the street. Her daughter lives with her grandparents but she isnā€™t allowed to see her because of the life she now lives
I met a family that share a set of bunk beds and some space on the floor - 6 of them crammed into a smelly, hot, tiny whole , that the ā€˜dadā€™ was sweeping and trying to keep looking half decent.Ā 
There was a young man who came up to me with a big smile asking for a cupcake - this boy, Wesley, couldnā€™t have been older than 8... smiled and spoke so politely. Seemingly quite content in the revolting surroundings he lived in.Ā 
I met a young Indian girl, Nadia,Ā  .. a typical teenager, pouting lips for photos and talking about boys and hairstyles and chit chatting away like we were ā€œbestiesā€Ā 
A woman with a small infant on her hip, a 2 year old walking beside her (Lilly, in the picture; who has stolen my heart) and her two young sons...Ā My heart broke into a million pieces in that moment.Ā  I watched this blonde toddler walking around in circles of this dirty room, smelling of urine and smoke, grime and sweat. Dummy in her mouth with a blank expression in her face. No life in her eyes. Just there in body, but not really there at all. Just a empty vessel.Ā  I touched her little head to stroke her hair and she winced at my hand against the scabs she had on the back of her head. I have never physically felt my heart hurt like it did in that moment.Ā 
I couldnā€™t speak when we left that night.. I sat in my bed staring into space in disbelief (after doing the ugly cry) just asking God over and over again, how is this happening / possible? How do these young children survive or have any hope of any type of life growing up in these conditions? Who deserves to be born into that?Ā  And mostly, Are you there with those people, Lord?
I understand that everything is relevant - we grow up in a certain way, place and time and so our worries differ, our values and priorities are different. But I was so jolted by this experience it really sparked something inside of meā€¦I am in absolutely no way a prophet but I am SO grateful I stepped out of my comfort zone that evening. We tend to think ā€œoh no thatā€™s too hectic for me, too sad , I cant see kids in that environment, Its dangerousā€
God wants us there ā€“ he wants us to get out of our comfort zone, be unpopular, do the ugly stuff, do his GOOD WORKS. I realised that evening that God isnā€™t sitting next to me every Sunday at church or running with me in the mountains or drinking cappuccinos in coffee shops.
He is in the shelters, with the orphans, on the streets, with the abused wives/husbands/kids, the poor, the unseen, the misfits. Ā And thatā€™s where he wants us to go. He lives in us and wants to work through us.
If you are sitting in your car (ANY car - be it a big fancy one or small economical one) and are being rude to the petrol attendant, thatā€™s is not okay.Ā 
If you are moaning about your dirty home because the domestic had an off day- but arenā€™t asking her how you can improve her quality of life. That is not okay.Ā 
If you are moaning about the beggars at the traffic lights but arenā€™t helping at public soup kitchens or going on day missions with a local church - that is not okay.
If you complain about the municipality because they allow so many kids on the streets around big sporting events ā€“ but you arenā€™t loving the orphans at the baby homes, supporting adoption and giving your time or your things to the less fortunate ā€“ that is not okay. You donā€™t have to dedicate your whole life to helping other people improve theirs, but you canā€™t complain if you arenā€™t even understanding the world around you and whatā€™s going on beyond your couch / white picket fence / desk in your fancy office....Ā 
There are insanely good people like my friend Jodie that dedicate all her time to the ā€œunseenā€ of the world. Pure God given love for misfits and an incredible love and passion for the homeless and abandoned.Ā  Some people prefer to serve in other ways, but I think that reaching out sometimes to places where you are most UNcomfortable can really make you understand what you have , maybe to help fill you with a gratitude youā€™ve forgotten about and to understand that the life you have , not matter the circumstance; is exceptional in comparison to a young boy , living with his drug addicted mom in a dirty shelter in the center of town with his only happiness being a pen and some paper and maybe the crazy Christian folks that come and visit every now and again.Ā 
Jesus doesnā€™t call us to be perfect ā€“ he calls us to be different, to do different.
The ā€œunqualifiedā€ of God has never been called to fit in anyway, they are the ones that man overlooks, Ā but God notices and plucks from obscurity. Iā€™m learning that God always uses the least likely and most unqualified to provoke change. The Bible is full of misfits ā€“ those who have usually lost out on mans approval but always win with a God dreamed vision.
Lets defy racism with welcoming, defy condemnation with grace, defy ignorance with kindness and defy hatred with the cross.
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Ā ā€œI AMā€¦ The daughter of a king who is not moved by the world for my God is with me and goes before me. I do not fear because I am Hisā€
Powerful words that mean EVERYTHING to me. Literally everything. Every time I feel fearā€¦ I think of that sentence.
I used to be so insecure.. I grew up carrying secrets that no child should have to bearā€¦It made me feel shame and guilt for not only things I had never even done but for things I felt like I was now supposed to live in the shadows of. Fear that I developed from my childhood made me insecure, act out, and try find myself in other avenues that Ill touch on in another post. I was treated like a ā€˜problemā€™ during my school days, so I believed that I was one, and so I acted like one. I am not saying I had an awful childhood or parents - I had an AMAZING childhood and incredible parents. But parenthood is not easy , we are bound to make mistakes and get it wrong at timesā€¦ but one thing I refuse to get wrong is to let my daughter develop any type of fear or insecurity I may have hadā€¦. When I became a parent myself the last thing I thought was that the biggest predictor of how I would perform as a parent is how much I was able to make sense of my own past. So while the last place we may look when we become parents is our own childhood; we should do so if we want to be better present day parents.
When we hear the word ā€œbraveryā€, we donā€™t often associate it with asking for helpā€”yet this is one of the most courageous things we can do. Yet we get this wrong ALL. THE. TIME. We donā€™t ask for help or even worse we ignore our own issues in order to try and protect our children; however what we are doing is creating images of FEAR, INSECURITY, and Self Pity, by not dealing with our own demons we cannot create images of self-love, bravery, independence and strength for our children.
There is NO ONE that can be a better parent to your child than you can - You are incomparably made, uniquely loved and powerfully purposed for this exact thing!! And If you are lucky enough to be married to your childrenā€™s mother/father then invest in your marriage so you can build a legacy for your children to followā€¦ not a place of fear.
A parents intuition is often divine direction from the holy spirit (Quote Lisa Bevere)
I donā€™t have any family to help with my daughter but rather Iā€™m blessed with an entire village of people, a community that rallyā€™s around me when I need help, guidance, a shoulder to cry on or a word of advice. I would NOT cope without these people. These angels. They know who they are. I donā€™t need to carry the burdens of motherhood alone. But there is also Godā€¦ I grew up insecure and you could say troubled but because of God, I am now so confident of who I am in Christ that THAT is the legacy Iā€™ll leave with Farren. That no matter what - she is wholeheartedly and absolutely LOVED. That she doesnā€™t need to see other girls as threats but rather as friends, and that the trials she faces will teach her more about who she is , how brave she can be, but still gentle, how educated she can be, but still humble, how fierce she can be yet compassionate; and how nothing her mom ever did or will do determines how God loves her and how he has created her in his image to do his good works.
I used to blame my past a lot on why things have turned out for me the way they have, but since becoming a parent myself I can now fully understand what my mom may have felt back then, how hard it must have been for her to raise me, and although itā€™s sad that she died before I could ever tell her that I understand now and to not feel any guilt or shame. I take assurance in knowing that God placed me here for exactly this reason. To learn and grow through the mistakes she may have made, and maybe also to even have a greater understanding of this ā€˜pathā€™ Iā€™m on.
Isnā€™t it wonderful that God doesnā€™t love us in pieces. It isnā€™t short supplied, it isnā€™t limited. Its endless, its overflowing, its engulfingā€¦. If you allow it. And His Love is with us in all forms. Love is paradoxical to all elements. When you are sad or angry, you want to be loved. When you are happy, you know that you are loved. And in order to know what or who Love is, we need TIME... Time is the only constant concept in the world. Time heals all wounds. Time gives us duration to learn. Time teaches us to be patient. Time can also take away our physical existence through DEATH.
We need TIME to develop LOVE and we need LOVE to understand and accept DEATH. We need DEATH to make use of our TIME meaningfully
ļæ½
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A few nights ago , a girl I barely know commented about a post I put on Facebook a few weeks agoā€¦ A post about the amazing experiences Iā€™ve had in my life and how I described that none of those incredible things Iā€™ve done; places Ive seen and so on, made me feel as fulfilled and stoked about how my relationship with God does. It did make my life seem pretty amazing - which it is! Iā€™ve been seriously blessed with the most incredible travels, met some amazing people and done some super cool thingsā€¦. and this post isnā€™t to say how my life sucks or how shitty it is, or to say that Iā€™m worse off than anyone else (Couldnā€™t be further from the truth) but definitely to put things into perspective.
She commented that itā€™s easy for me to have faith or believe that God exists because Iā€™ve never had any bad experiences, Iā€™ve never had anything ā€˜go wrong in my lifeā€™ , no one to 'blameā€™ she saidā€¦ pauseā€¦ā€¦. I wanted to punch her in the mouth, but I just smiled at her and couldnā€™t stop thinking about is that what people thought. My life is perfect? What is perfect anyway? I do agree. YES, it is easier to be positive and happy when things are going wellā€¦ but thatā€™s a choice you make. Being happy is a decision. Feelings come and go, but you make the CHOICE to foster those feelings or let them go. I fully believe in FEELING your feelings, let the sadness, anger, anxiety comeā€¦ feel it, embrace it but then let it goā€¦ learn from it. Hang on to the feelings of happinessā€¦ the stoke, the feelings of gratitude, love, peaceā€¦. ā€¦..
When I was 21 my mom died from phnuemonia, she died in my arms. I made my brother give her CPR over and over again even though he knew she was gone.. 6 years ago my dad suffered a massive stroke while holding my handā€¦ I spent Xmas, New Year & a birthday in ICU at Umhlanga Hospital next to his bed praying he would wake upā€¦and have had many days and nights since then sitting by his bedside in hospital roomsā€¦. Still today he canā€™t talk properly, walk properly & to say he knows who I am every time Iā€™m with him would be a lie. Itā€™s been a 6 year rollercoaster ride of note. Only people who have had sickly loved ones stretched over many years can comprehend this type of 'painā€™ ā€¦ My parents had a shitty marriage and my brother and I got caught in the crossfire. (I could write a book about this as Iā€™m sure many in the same situation know exactly what I mean) Iā€™ve been cheated on, lied to & have faced the emotional turmoil that comes with being divorced (Another bookšŸ™ˆ) Iā€™ve made bad choices and suffered massive consequences. (We are punished BY our sinā€¦not FOR our sin) Iā€™ve lost an ex boyfriend and friends through death. Iā€™ve had financial issues, suffered from depression, anxiety & the stress at times of being single mom. I have terrible OCD that people think is funny when itā€™s notā€¦I could go onā€¦but that would just be depressing! My life is NOT perfectā€¦ BUT My relationship with God is, and every single day; I choose to lean on him. I choose faith over fear, I choose to be strong even when I feel weak, I choose positivity even when I canā€™t see the silver lining; I choose to accept the things I canā€™t control & choose to forgive those whoā€™ve hurt me & more importantly forgive myself for my past wrong doings, so that I can be free of my pain and know that I am loved by a Mighty God whom nothing and no one can get in between. I have a wonderful life, I donā€™t take it too seriously, I am blessed to be surrounded by the BEST people, a crazy beautiful child and Iā€™m so so flipping grateful! Every experience has led me to this very moment. Life IS hard but itā€™s also pretty amazing. I know my struggles are probably peanuts compared to loads of others but the difference is - is that I know that - so I can be grateful for what I do have and understand how lucky I am, even when going through the fire šŸ”„ ā€œGod will bring you through the fireā€ Psalm 66:12
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I was going to wait until Mothers Day to post this but I miss my mom every day so what's the difference really. There is an emptiness that's with me daily. A void that can never be filled. No one can love you like your mother does. There is no love as pure, unconditional or strong as a mothers love; and I'll never be loved that way again. I know because I love my own child with this intensity. My mother isn't with me physically but she lives on in everything around me. Her presence influenced who I was and her absence influences who I am. How blessed am I to have a daughter of my own. A beautiful fearless girl child who I can see myself and my mum in everyday. Who challenges me and pushes me to be a better person. How blessed am I to still have a dad around, he may not be around cognitively , we can't chat or discuss things, but I get to hug him and love him and what a privilege that is. How blessed am I to have a home and a job, my health, my friends, and a church that has transformed my heart and opened mind. It's never been easy but I have always been grateful and I think that's what has got me through. Through my mothers death, Im grateful I had her with me for 21 years, Through my fathers illness, Im grateful he is still here & he got to meet his grand-daughter, Through my divorce I'm grateful for having courage and strength (And a kind ex husband who I see now as my friend) Through heartbreak, I'm grateful for patience and to see that with God everything is done for our greater good. Through sinful nature I'm grateful for the Grace of God Through anxiety I'm grateful for prayer Through financial situations, Im grateful for His provision. Through MOTHERHOOD... I am grateful. That's a a whole journey on its own. Single mothers everywhere - you are the unsung heroes of the world without a doubt. Im so grateful to be Farrens mom. I am so grateful for my friends who love me, help me, challenge me and ACCEPT ME just as I am. I am SO grateful for my life. It's so hard sometimes, so hard I cry (There was a time when my heart was so hard and I really didn't think I could actually physically cry) , so hard that I wanted to leave.... but I am so so grateful for God, and all that he has given to me, instilled in my mind and my heart; And for his Grace, without which I would be hopelessly lost.
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A Resurrected Perspective
I have so much on my heart today but Iā€™m really battling to get it onto paper.
The last thing I ever want to be is a hypocrite, I donā€™t want to be that person that lives a lie or doesnā€™t walk in what she speaks. So today is pretty apt for this particular post.
I had the most amazing Easter morning, literally beaming when I woke up, happiness flowing right through my veins. So excited to celebrate what Jesus did for us on the cross.. The sermon at church was incredible and I felt so full and peaceful. Until I went and got myself into a drunken stupor later that afternoon.Ā  I donā€™t think there is anything wrong with having a few drinks and having a good time, but when it makes you feel so sad, and useless the next day, its probably something that should be thought about seriously. (And no I donā€™t actually drink very often anymore and this isnā€™t where I tell everyone Iā€™m an addict, my life is just so veryĀ very different from what it was a few years ago to now, that when I do the things I used to ā€œback thenā€, it mentally takes me to that place and it hurts)Ā 
Its when I do things like that , that make me wonder about whatā€™s going on inside me, in my heart.Ā I genuinely feel happiness, fullness, WHOLENESS most of the time, I was lucky to be born with a permanent positive outlook on life, despite what Iā€™ve been through, and Iā€™ve been to hell and back (That will be broached on another day). Lying in bed this morning It suddenly hit me.Ā  ā€œYou cant steal my light or hand me pain without me accepting it with open arms, so you messed up, now you have a hangover and a loser complexā€¦. So whatā€
I often feel God pull me closer in moments when I try push him away, escape him. I feel him smiling at me during my darkest days.Ā  I wonder if heā€™ll ever get sick of my bad attitude and turn his back on me because of all the F-bombs I drop and all the walls Iā€™ve built to keep him out when being a Christian is too much work. But he just pulls me closer, he showers me with kindness and mercy and his amazing Grace, Which I so often feel very undeserving of.
ā€œIā€™ve encountered God in more songs of mourning and rage than the anthems of hopeā€
So its a new day and a new SEASON! A season to dig even deeper into a relationship with my heavenly Father. How did I get through nearly 30 years of my life without this relationship??Ā 
God reigns over the darkness, just as he does the light and he will meet you there, just as you are, arms wide open. You are precious, you are valuable, you are radically loved - in times of darkness we are able to cry out to him because he loves us so and has given us enough Grace to last a lifetime.
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Hi. I'm Katie
From since I can remember, I'veĀ wanted to start a blog, write a book, document my thoughts, write about my experiences. Not that Iā€™m anything exciting or interesting or have a great opinionĀ that may matter to others. I write because I love putting my thoughts to paper. I believe strongly in the things I believe, Iā€™m passionate about my opinionsĀ however donā€™t feel the need to force these things upon anyone, so instead of having conversations with people with the chance of getting into debate or argument (Especially with stupid people), I have stuff written downā€¦ Where the reader can chose to continue reading, or stopĀ & leave my opinions, thoughts and experiences with me.
I want to write about the things I loveā€¦. Jesus. My Daughter. My experiences. Yoga.
But every time Iā€™ve thought about how to start, about how to write about these things, the voice inside my head would whisper to ā€œDonā€™t be too "Christianā€ in your blog, donā€™t be too ā€œmommyā€, too ā€œSouth Africanā€, too ā€œyogiā€ , or too ā€œopinionatedā€, donā€™t swear!
Until I realised thatā€™s exactly who and what I am and what I LOVE.
South African, proudly! With a touch of Irish
Jesus, my LordĀ & saviour!
Mommy, the hardest yet most rewarding and fulfillingĀ job Iā€™ve ever had,
Yoga, my calm, my peace, my strength, my happy place
Opinionated,Ā  I stand firm in the things I believe, butĀ with an open heart and an open mind to listen to others. I love to learn from the experiences of others
So thatā€™s what Ill be focusing on.. my life. It may be boring to you, it may be wildly interesting, whatever it is to others, its my beautiful life and my awesome experiences and if only one person readsĀ my wordsĀ and finds some inspiration somehow, gets to know God, learns to love yoga, or gets through a shitty mom day, then Iā€™ve accomplished exactly what I wanted.
HAPPY READING my LOVES x
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ā€œYou are my sunshine, my only sunshine.ā€ ~ Davis & Mitchell
~
Dear daughter, I know that youā€™reĀ looking to see yourself in me.
But in truth, I am sorry that you are so much like me.
Iā€™m sorry that I gave you a heart stronger than a thousand warriors, because it will take you years to learn that not everyone loves likeĀ you do. Itā€™s a hardĀ lesson, and itsĀ scars gleam from youĀ never giving up on whatĀ you truly desire.
There are moments that I look at you in this beautiful world and see youĀ mesmerized by the simple brilliance of life unfolding. In these moments, my heart splits open a little bit wider for you.
I see your innocence and desire to help others, and I wonder when it will be that you first feel the sting of being used. I wonder if your faith will be tested in the world or if you will hold onto to your generosityĀ againstĀ those who only know how to take.
Iā€™m sorry that you see only the good in everyone.
Childhood is about seeing everything with wonder.Ā You look around, and there is no evil, no danger lurking aroundĀ hidden corners. Itā€™s inconceivable that the greatest pains you will ever encounter will be atĀ the hands of those you love the most.
I wish that I could instill all of my lessons into your warmĀ heart, but I know that you need to learn on your own. I can spend days with you in the sunshine telling you lifeā€™s truths, but in the end my experiences wonā€™t necessarily become yours.
Iā€™m sorry that you feel everything as deeply as you do.
There are caverns inside of your soul that ache to feel everything that this life has to offer. I can see the way that you feel compassion for strangers, and how you sometimes just stop to look at me as if I hung the stars in the sky. I can see the way that you are brimming with the ability to feel the world around you and with it, all of the heartache and passion it can offer.
You might have moments where you wish that this wasnā€™t so, and while Iā€™m sorry that I have given this quality to you, in time I hope you see that it is trulyĀ a gift, not a burden.
Many parents delight when their children exhibit the same qualities that they have, but in my heart I secretly send you a thousand sweet apologies,Ā because even thoughĀ one day I knowĀ youā€™ll gain strength from these attributes, I also know that the pain they canĀ inflictĀ could tear you in two.
And so,Ā while I am sorry that you are so much like me, I also couldnā€™t be more proud of you.
I see the way that you forgive everyone around you with such a delicate tenacity, and how you already have learned to stick up for yourself and your needs. I see the way that youā€™re alreadyĀ so much smarter than I was, so much betterĀ equipped to handle the ways of the world, and in those instances, I know that there is no doubt you will one day learn how to use your wings.
While I may not be perfect, I am precisely the mother you need.
I may have given you my giant heart and sensitive soul, but IĀ am giving you my strength too,Ā so that even on the darkest nights, you will know you canĀ get through anything life may toss your way. And I will always be there, too.
You are my little warrior princess, my fairy, and most of all, my heart.
I know that you have heartbreak ahead of you, but I also know that you will change the world simply by loving how you do. You have a gift of lighting up the room just by being yourself;Ā my only hope is that you wonā€™t let any encounter change that.
As you grow older, the world will begin to tell you that magic doesnā€™t exist, and while I know that you may have your faith tested, I hope that you continue to wish on falling stars and believe in all that is unseen in this world.
ā€œThose who donā€™t believe in magic will never find it.ā€ ~ Roald Dahl
Iā€™m sorry that you are so much like me, butĀ only because I know how hard this world will try to change you and at times break you. But more than anything else, I love you more than there are stars in the sky.
So, while one day you may strive to show how different you are fromĀ me, there is no doubtā€”nor has there ever beenā€”that you, my sweet warrior girl, are my daughter.
And I couldnā€™t be more proud of that fact.
Author: Kate Rose
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